Dr. Jane Levesque 0:00 - 21:15:

The not underestimating the process, I think is really important. And if you're struggling with fertility, the question that I would ask yourself is, do I have the strength, the energy and the vitality to be able to go through the entire thing? Because if you look at it as a marathon and really it's like an ultra race, because let's face it, it's really, really. And then turns into an adventure race, I always say it's the hardest thing, right? It's the hardest thing that the body will do. And then at the end of the labor, it's not like you're done. You're just getting started. Pregnancy is a natural process. So if it's not happening or if it's not sticking, something is missing. After having a family member go through infertility and experiencing a miscarriage myself, I realized how little support and education women have around infertility. I want to change that. I'm Doctor Jane Levesque. I'm a naturopathic doctor and a natural fertility expert. Tune in every Tuesday at 09:00 a.m. for insightful case studies, expert interviews, and practical tips on how you can optimize fertility naturally. If you've been struggling with infertility, pregnancy loss, women's health issues, or you just want to be proactive and prepare yourself for the next big chapter in your life, this show is for you. All right, ladies, today I want to share a story with you with my patient who just gave birth. So this is a couple that was struggling with infertility for three, three and a half years. We worked together for a year, got pregnant naturally, had a beautiful pregnancy with some bumps on the road. And most of those bumps were close towards the end of the pregnancy, just when the body is really at its limit and you know you're at this place where you just feel like you're ready to give birth, but you don't really know what's going on because you've never been in this situation before and you don't know how long to expect. So she just gave birth. It was a very intense process. It was very long. And the baby is beautiful and healthy. Nine pounds 2oz. All the nurses were in love and in awe with the baby and how healthy that baby looked. The placenta was the most beautiful placenta that they have ever seen, which to me is a huge compliment as their naturopathic doctor. But also, it should be a huge compliment to the mother because she literally made this baby from scratch. But of course, like I said, the birthing process was really, really intense. Not only did she go into labor at nighttime, so she didn't have a great night's sleep, but it progressed really slow. She ended up needing an epidural and when it was time to put, it took forever to progress to the 10 cm. When it was time to push, she did push for an hour and a half, but the baby's head was just stuck and she actually ended up tearing. And then the baby's head, they couldn't get the baby out, so she ended up having to do a c section, which was very heartbreaking for her. And the recovery now is a little bit rough. So it's only been a couple of days and she's still at the hospital. They're going home today. But my goodness, recovering from something like that is no joke. And she's definitely still in a bit of a shock because she didn't obviously expect the birthing process to go like that. And to be honest, we can't. I don't want to say that there is no predictability because we can kind of predict that there is something, how a person is going to handle the birth. But for our first time parents, a lot of it is a really big jolt, right? It's a really big jolt. It was for me and of course it was for this patient. But there's a couple really important lesson, and I hope that, you know, once she's recovered and they've settled in at home with her baby, she'll come on the podcast and share her story and share her journey, because I think there's so much value for us women to learn from other women who've gone through the process. They didn't expect it and how they came out of it and how they're obviously, you know, they healed through that. We're doing lots of stuff to help her heal. But just listening to her story, like, not only did she have really long labor and wasn't a lot of pain for a long period of time, and then tearing and pushing for an hour and a half and then ending up needing a c section is basically her pelvic, pelvic floor is wiped and her abs have been, you know, torn apart. So it's a, it's going to be a road to recovery. But like I said, there's three really main lessons that I want to share with you because as I, I don't get to see all of my patients through the entire process, but the patients that do stay with me, I think it's such an honor and I get to really see the evolution, because when this couple first met me, and, you know, they struggled with infertility for three and a half years. And one of the first things that I told them is the couple that's sitting in front of me today is not the same couple that's going to get pregnant. And then once they were pregnant, it's like the couple that's sitting in front of me today, and especially the woman that's sitting in front of me today, is not the same woman that's going to be able to bring the child outside into this world, because it's designed to be this long process. It's designed to be evolutionary and transformative. And the passage, the short period of time between when the labor starts and when the baby comes out, even though that time is short, right? Like anywhere between 5 hours to 72 hours, depending on your own story. But it's such a critical time, and there's a huge transformation for us as women. So here are kind of the main three lessons that I want you guys to take away. But like I said, I really hope that this patient will find the time to connect with me again on a podcast and share her journey and her perspective and how she. She came out of it, because obviously she's still in it right now because nobody's going to be able to tell her story better than her. So the first lesson, you guys, is, please don't underestimate the process. When I meet my couples for the first time who've been struggling with infertility, the couple that I met, you know, a year and a half ago, or let's say it was almost two years ago now. It was. There's no way she could have gone through what she went through just a couple of days ago. Just the confidence in herself, the lack of energy that she had, the lack of vitality, the anxiety. And even though she still has anxiety because there's a lot going on, the way that she's handling, she's a completely different person. And so when I first met them, I knew that she wasn't ready to be pregnant, not for any other reason. That when she sat on the screen, it's like I could see how tired, depleted, and anxious she was. And pregnancy is literally the hardest thing that the female body will ever do. And so for somebody who is Petite, who's never exercised, who's never done any sports, like, she walks around a lot, but, like, you know, she's never actually put any physical demand on her body and then had very little knowledge and education around how to actually nourish your body, how to support your digestive system, sleep, protein intake, like nervous system regulation, you name it. Detoxification, obviously. So she had very little knowledge of that. And as we were going through her fertility journey, I could see that evolution and the confidence that she was gaining in her body and the energy and the vitality that was coming through her body. And that's how we know we were getting close. So one of the first things that I do with my patients when I'm first taking them on and they've been struggling with infertility, is I draw out this process for them. And it's just really these three mountain peaks, where the first mountain peak is your fertility journey, the next mountain peak is your pregnancy journey, and the third mountain peak is your postpartum journey. And really, we have to be able to zoom out. Even though we feel like we're at the first mountain, we know that the goal is not just to get pregnant. The goal is to have a beautiful, transformative, and empowering pregnancy, and, of course, to have a healthy baby at the end of that pregnancy. We don't care about just getting pregnant. We want to have a live birth, and we want to have a healthy baby, a healthy child, and really create and build generational health. So I have this conversation with my patients on day one, and this is one of the reasons that they actually felt like they were being heard and understood, because that's what they wanted as well. They just couldn't figure out why they weren't getting pregnant. And so we had a lot of conversations around this, and I have a lot of conversations around not underestimating the process with all of my patients. Because if you feel tired now, if you feel weak, if you don't feel like you have good stamina, if your hips are not strong, if your upper body is not strong, it's going to be really hard to have. I don't want to say it's impossible. Of course it's not impossible. But my petite patients especially, I see them really struggling through pregnancy because it's a lot. And when you're petite, you have to gain a lot of weight. You're going to gain anywhere between 30 to 40 pounds, and that's healthy weight. So she gained about 35, maybe 40 pounds at the end because there was some water retention, but it wasn't like it was all in her belly and some of her feet because of the weight of the water retention. And her little frame was just so sore and so achy all the time because she's never listed weights and so one of the things that she told me is like, man, I wish I took it serious when you told me I need to exercise and I need to lift weights because there was a lot of resistance for her. So the not underestimating the process, I think, is really important. And if you're struggling with fertility, the question that I would ask yourself is, do I have the strength, the energy and the vitality to be able to go through the entire thing? Because if you look at it as a marathon and really, it's like an ultra race, because, let's face it, it's really, really. And then turns into an adventure race, I always say it's the hardest thing, right? It's the hardest thing that the body will do. And then at the end of the labor, it's not like you're done, you're just getting started. And, you know, the labor that my patient had, like, her body just feels absolutely shattered. And she's like, is this normal? And it's like, yeah, it is normal because you've never done anything like this before and you've never put your body through really difficult things in terms of physical demand. And so you just had the hardest 48 hours of your life, and then there was so much medication and so many interventions and, you know, the tearing and, like, it's a lot. And so, of course, your body is going to feel shattered. So that brings me to the second point. The second lesson is, don't be hard on yourself. If you've had a really difficult labor and you feel like you missed something and you should have done something better, just know that if you knew better, you would have done better. And this is something that I'm counseling my patient right now through. It's like, hey, you, there's nothing that you would have done differently. Like, there's absolutely nothing that you could have done differently. And you have to be proud of the fact that you made this fantastic, adorable, beautiful, plump little baby and you had the best placenta that the nurses have ever seen, and they deliver babies every day. So you have to be proud of that and also just recognize that there was maybe some things that got missed that we can work on for next time. But right now, we can't be hard on ourselves because it's not going to help us. And that brings me to the third lesson, which is we don't want to dwell. We want to give ourselves the space to feel all the emotions. It's frustrating, it's sad, it's disappointing. I've had a couple of patients who were just so sad that their birthing process wasn't what they thought it would be. And I can feel their pain because that was me my first time around. I didn't do anything to prepare. Now, for those of you who had, like, my patients, who's done a lot to prepare and still didn't have the birthing process that they wanted, the labor, and that that's okay, we don't have control of a lot of those things. You know, one of my baby's patient's head was stuck in her hip, and she needed a c section, and, like, she wasn't dilating, and she went through so many hours of labor, and then she was just so exhausted. And turns out there was no way that baby was going to come out vaginally. And this was kind of the same situation. Here's what I say. Hey, the first thing that you need to do is you just need to focus on recovery. That's it. Your body is shattered. Your hormones are dropping significantly fast, and then you have this tiny little human that is completely dependent on you. So all you need to focus on right now is heal. When the nervous system calms down, when the inflammation comes down, when the hormones stabilize just a little bit, then we can give ourselves a little bit more space to process what has happened. And I'm speaking from experience here because I actually didn't give myself an opportunity to process at all. It took me, like, two years to feel like I maybe sort of want to have another child. And I wasn't really ready to start trying until my daughter was three years old because my first birthing experience was so traumatic, and I didn't realize how traumatic it was for me, so. And I honestly, like, just finished processing it, and she's six and a half, almost seven years old, with some counseling, with some therapy, some visualization work, because there's so many things that happen, and then you have this baby that you have to take care of, and you're wishing that the experience was different, but it's not. And so if I can help you not dwell on the situation and this can apply to infertility, I see a lot of women dwell in the fact that they're infertile. And first of all, we have to stop calling ourselves infertile. That's a topic. That's a whole other topic. But it sucks. Like, it sucks to be where you are. It is the most difficult thing that you will ever go through. And so you want to feel all the emotions that come up through that experience, but we don't want to dwell on them. When we get stuck in emotional states, that's when there's issues that arise. Right. If we get stuck in sadness, that really is just depression. And so this is important to have a good network of people around you who can hold space for you, who can bring you up, and who can just help you sort and process what you went through, because it's a traumatic experience, whether it's a traumatic labor and birth experience or it's a trauma, traumatic fertility journey, it, like, it doesn't matter. It's your experience, and you need to give yourself the opportunity to process it. But we don't want to dwell and continue to think about everything that happened wrong and what you could have done differently and save that for a little bit later, especially if you just had a baby. That's the advice that I'm giving my patient. And, of course, she has me, and we're doing lots of different things to support. She has, you know, an Ob GyN and a medical team that's supporting her as well. But it's just really important to have that network of people who's going to help to support you. I think in, there's lots of reading that I've done through the traditional chinese medicine, lots of books on how to support fertility, how to support postpartum. And in, you know, in the traditional chinese culture, you're not allowed to go outside for the first six weeks postpartum. You're not allowed to do anything but feed the baby and sleep. Literally. Like, that's the only thing. Women will come in, like your grandparents or your mom or your friends, whoever will come, and they'll give you massages and make sure that the food is cooked for you and you're staying nice and warm, and they'll bring the baby to you, or they'll hold the baby so you can just sleep and recover and rest. And I think in the north american culture, we do not have that at all. We're expected to just bounce back. And a lot of the times I see my patients feel really sad that they're nothing bouncing back because they had that expectation that they should, where in reality, you shouldn't. Should what? Right. And so the harder the process, of course, the, the harder the situation or the more traumatic, whatever you want to call it, the harder it is to come through on the other side. But I promise you that there's strength in that. And I know for this patient, she's going to find a lot of strength. And I'm excited. I know I don't know if it will be three months or six months that she'll be ready to come on the podcast for nine months and talk about her story and tell you what she's learned through it. But I know that there'll be lots of strength and there's another evolution that's going to happen in order for her to really, really have grace for her system, acceptance that she truly did the best that she could and, like, just being really grateful and really proud of what her body was capable of doing. Because, like I said, when they send me the picture of the baby and, you know, her husband just send me a message, being like, I didn't get a chance to look at the placenta because the chaos. But the nurses were just in awe of how amazing it looked. And they said they've never seen anything like that. And everybody was in awe of how healthy the baby looked. I was like, that's the most. That's the compliment. That's the best compliment I could ever receive. So if you are either struggling with infertility or maybe you had a tough first time experience, I hope that this helps you. The main three things, you guys, is don't underestimate the process. It really is a big journey. And I think, like, when I first got pregnant, I did not understand that when I see pregnant women now or when I see moms now, I'm just like, you're amazing. I think you're the best thing ever. And especially during pregnancy, I just, like, I admire pregnancy now. Whereas the first time, I just. I didn't really understand it. And when you've gone through the process a couple of times and whether it's having miscarriages or having a really traumatic labor or even having right. Some traumatic losses, I've had some patients with really, you know, with stillbirths and traumatic losses that are just, just so difficult to recover from that. Don't underestimate the process. There is something in the process for all of us to learn, and we want to learn as much as we can, but we also want to have the right supporting network to make sure that we can actually find strength through the process instead of it breaking us down, because it will take you to your knees and it will break you down. But like I said, and there's what doesn't kill you, make you stronger kind of thing. It's an incredible, incredible process. And I don't want you guys to underestimate it, and I want you to really learn how to take care of your body and how to support it, because it is capable of some of the most incredible things, but we have to learn how to support it and take care of it. Then don't be hard on yourself and really give yourself the space to process the emotions without dwelling on them. And this is where your network of friends, practitioners, family will really, really help. Because like I said, it's a lot and your system needs the help the rest. So you could actually heal and be there for the baby. There's nothing more important than you healing yourself, because when you heal yourself, then you can be really present with your baby. The milk will come in, all of that, you know, all of the good stuff, the connection with the baby, the oxytocin, it will all be worth it. So so I hope you guys find this helpful. I really can't wait to share this once my patient is ready. So you can, because nobody's going to be able to tell her story better than I can. But I've just had a couple of patients and even a couple of you guys messaging me through instagram telling me about how you've just had a really traumatic experience postpartum. How do you recover from that? So I hope that it helps. So I'm sending you lots of love, lots of positive energy, and lots of nervous system regulation and calmness. Thanks so much for tuning in, you guys, and we'll see you next week. Thank you so much for listening. To read the full show notes of this episode, including summary, timestamps, guest quotes, and any resources that were mentioned on the episode. Visit drjanelevesque.com podcast and if you're getting value from this episode, I'd love it if you took two minutes to share it with a friend. Rate and leave me a review@ratethispodcast.com. doctorJane the reviews will help with the discoverability of the show, and who knows, I might share your review on my next episode. 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