Hello, Hello and welcome to the Borealis

experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

on this beautiful journey called life.

I'm so happy to be spending some time with you today. I hope you

feel good. I hope you feel safe.

I hope you feel understood and supported. And if you don't, I

hope I can bring you some light ness and goodness into your

life, hope and reflection and empowerment, all the good

things. Today is a little bit of a different background noise

than usual, no barking dogs, no lawnmowers, no quads, but I'm on

the road, getting things done. And figured I don't want to skip

out on an episode on posting my episode for you this week. So a

little bit of rain and engine background noise for you today.

The last couple of episodes, I talked about your anxiety, your

nervousness, how to get a grip on the thoughts that trigger

anxiety and how to make sure that you give your body

everything it needs. So that the anxiety that nervousness is not

actually coming from your body trying to signal you that it

wants attention. It wants water, it wants sleep, it wants food,

it wants touch. So you have to make sure that you fulfill all

the needs of your body first, to then go deeper into your thought

pattern. And sometimes we have thought patterns that really

benefit us. Some people are really capable and strong when

it comes to using their mind to their advantage. And for some of

us, I belong to those people. It is difficult. The monkey mind

just does what it does. It is taking over the steering wheel

and kind of tries to control your life with belief systems

that are not serving you 100% anymore, or sometimes even

really destructive. It make your relationships difficult. They

make your feelings about your self cloudy and unclear. And

yeah, so today I want to talk about the split second you have

when you have a thought, and you want to act upon it, you want to

react you want to respond. And we always think that responding

reacting acting has to do with the people around us we are

responding to our environment. But sometimes you sit alone in a

room or you're trying to go to sleep, and the swords pop up.

And the swords become your beliefs become how you feel in

that moment. And those feelings can be so strong that they even

affect your body, they can put your body into an anxious or

angry state. And then we have a whole mess going on not only in

our mind, but also through our body and sensations there. So

today, I want to talk about the gap, I think it would have would

have been echo Charley, or some other super spiritual awesome

person out there who's helping millions of people around the

globe. So this idea doesn't stem from my ideas. But I felt like

sharing this with you. So they call it the gap. And this is

something that you can practice in meditation. When you sit

there and silence and stillness and you observe your thoughts.

And if you do that practice while you're feeling somewhat

okay or even good, you will notice that your thoughts that

are floating by like as if you were watching a river and your

thoughts are just floating by that they are fairly positive.

Maybe you think of to do lists. Maybe you think of a person that

you want to meet in the future. You think of a conversation that

you had in the past. Whatever your mind comes up with, and you

just observe you don't hook into one sock and then go into the

rabbit hole of that thought and elaborate on Assad. You just

notice, oh, there's this thoughts floating by, you let it

float by.

And that was the hardest part for me to, to learn meditating

because I thought, oh, I need to not think of anything, I have to

sit in stillness and not allowed to scratch when I need to

scratch. But what I've learned is when you meditate, you're

training your mind to listen to your conscious, and to explore

what your unconscious mind is coming up with. So you

consciously choose the thoughts that you want to engage in. That

is what you train when you are in a safe environment and

stillness, silence by yourself. And you train this to then when

you go out into the world, and you are feeling triggered by

other people or circumstances, that you come back to that

stillness. And remember that you have the power to create a space

a gap. And be it only 12345 seconds before you react to that

thought. So again, we come back to your stillness and safe place

session, where you decide which side you're following, and which

not. Maybe you don't follow any thought. And you just let

everything flowed by. And you tune into your breath, you tune

into your body and feel sensations, feel your your

buttocks, touching the ground, fear your hands, maybe squeezing

your legs, you're here and the present moment, and your

thoughts are just floating by. And the more often you train

your mind to not hook into a thought into a belief, the more

you will feel in power over these thoughts. So that if you

are going out into the real world, and meet with a person

who says something that doesn't quite string, a good cord, so to

say that doesn't feel good. You give yourself that break that

gap before reacting. So instead of telling yourself, Oh, I gotta

be positive all day long, I'm not allowed to react, I have a

nice smile on my face, you know, like toxic positivity kind of

thing. You just become aware of what happens in that split.

Second, when somebody says something that triggers you. Or

you feel your heart rate going up, or you feel like you're

tensing up, or you lash or you feel like running away, notice

the reaction, the physical reaction that you have. And

notice the thoughts that pop up, and don't engage in them. So

let's take Auntie Susan, who's on your case, because he's still

not married, or you're freshly divorced, and you're single and

you're enjoying your life, but you really shouldn't be enjoying

your life because you should get married again and have children

bla bla bla bullshit expects expectations from the outside

world. Instead of becoming defensive with autism, you just

take a breath, take a couple seconds. And also add this

little sentence to your repertoire to your tool set.

This is her experience. This is her expectations towards

herself. She's trying to put that onto me. And I choose to

not take it it's like a gift. And I'm not gonna receive it

because I don't want it it's not in alignment with my values in

that second and those couple seconds that you take a break,

breathe, think about what was just gifted to you. You will

then be able to gracefully react and to respond in a way that is

so kind and so loving and so direct. And so awesome

boundaries setting style, that you can say something like I

really appreciate your concern about my happiness and how I

should live my life but I I think I'm on a different path.

Now, I think I want to, you know, explore who I am,

become the person I meant to be. And let's see how that's gonna

unfold. So what you're doing there is you stay in connection

with that person, you don't act as an asshole, even though

that's would be the quick fix, so to say, and you tell the

person to fuck off in the nicest way ever, when nobody can say

anything. And you set a boundary. So that person knows

now that, okay, well, that person has different values than

I have. Maybe I want to keep a distance to them, maybe I want

to be curious about them. But you basically tell the person in

front of you how you want to be treated. What I used to do, and

I'm still doing it, very guilty of doing that, I start avoiding

people who make me feel very uncomfortable, I just smile and

nod, and then walk away. And in the end, I feel shitty, I feel

so bad, I feel eaten up from the inside, and I'd dump everything

onto my boyfriend, who then has to help me to feel better. And

that's not fair. If I was to set boundaries right away, if I was

to train my mind, to not react in the moment when a person

triggers me to know that I have the strength to set a boundary

and to tell people, Hey, this is not making me feel any good. And

this is not what I want to talk about right now. Then I feel

empowered about myself, and the other person also knows, okay,

in the future, they don't need to bring up that topic again. So

what I'm doing is that I'm standing up for myself, at the

same time standing up for my relationship, protecting my

boyfriend from being a miserable little bit. And the other person

knows that I want to stay in contact with them. But I have

conditions under which I want to be in relation with them. So

this is the split second that you have before you really act

before you respond. And you can widen that gap to your liking.

To the point that people will repeat their question and be

like, Hello, are you here? Are you listening? And you'll be

like, Yeah, I'm listening. I'm just trying to respond in a way

that is reasonable, but also true to myself. So don't be shy

to try it out. Especially when you are in a good place. But

also, if you don't feel so good right now. To make space to sit

in stillness and silence and to not engage in your thoughts.

Especially if you don't feel good to just let them float by

and to see what happens to tune into your breath to fear your

body. And this is a tool that you can take into the world

where ever you go and it will serve you so well. I know this

first. All right, I'm gonna leave you with this. Check out

my website, Aurora Eggert coaching.com Find out how I can

support you on a deeper level. If you enjoy my podcast, make

sure to leave a review share with people you care. And I will

be out there for you very soon again. Also, if you have

requests for future podcast episodes, shoot me a message on

Facebook and I will make sure to have it out there in a timely