You're listening to Rewild and Free. This is the go to podcast for conscious and holistic entrepreneurs who are ditching society's to do list for intentional living, freedom, and abundance. If we haven't met yet, I'm Nicole Pasveer. I'm an ex nurse turned matrescence guide and business coach leading women just like you into the new paradigm. Keep listening if you're ready to unsubscribe from patriarchal motherhood, bro marketing, and boss babe culture. Because in this We use nature as our framework as we move towards feminine embodied business development, cyclical orientation, and slow living. Together, let's rewild and remember as we break free from survival and reconnect to what truly matters. Okay friend, steep your tea and take the most loving breath you've given to yourself today and let's go. Oh my gosh, it's Friday, January 3rd, and I just realized I haven't recorded a proper formal episode about my Undone Retreat. We are starting in less than two weeks. Doors close to sign up next Wednesday, so January 8th. And yeah, I just had this like wave of like, oh shit, how did I forget that? I've been talking about it in all the places, and I've been having some of the guest workshop facilitators that are that will be part of Undone on this podcast. So I mean, if you have been listening, you probably know about it by now. But yeah, I haven't actually spent an episode just talking about it. So here we are. I'm going to spend an episode talking about the Undone retreat. And I actually remembered that way, way back in December, I actually pulled this from December 4th. I went for a walk down in the beautiful. Forest by my house. It had snowed recently and so you can hear in the background me Stepping on like fresh crunchy snow I highly recommend when we get to that part where I play that recording back that you do not listen on like 1. 5 or 2x speed because it makes it sound like I'm walking like a psycho lady. So please, listen at 1x speed for that portion because it's actually really peaceful to hear the footsteps and the snow in the background. But yeah, before I share that little recording that I made, I first just want to say how excited I am about this retreat. I feel like I mean, I feel like people say this about a lot of their offers, but this really does feel like one of those things that has been a long time in the making. I see so many of the through lines of my life and my business coming together in this beautiful like orchestra for what the bones and the vibe of this retreat are evolving into. And funny enough, this all started with a workshop that I was planning to host back in October, I think, around frustration and really beginning to learn how to glean the wisdom from some of those heavier, stickier emotions that we tend to, like, gaslight or suppress. And that still is absolutely one part of this retreat. I'm calling that a retreat. Kind of a pillar. That pillar is emotional or energetic alchemy, and it's really beginning to just notice what we notice and bring our attention as radical witnesses to our inner world around that spinning tires kind of energy, you know, when you feel like you're doing all the right things but things still aren't working and you have those moments of frustration and disappointment and maybe even like anger and bitterness and resentment creep in, but there's a part of you that's not actually allowing yourself to feel those things because gaslighting yourself or you're um, You've told yourself someday, one day, that those emotions aren't actually safe to feel, and that makes you weak, or it makes you bitchy, or it makes you entitled, or whatever label you kind of smack on yourself when you actually allow yourself to feel those things. And I'm trying to think if I have an example. I mean, recently, I've been, I suppose, disappointed in how this launch is going so far, and And Instead of gaslighting myself and thinking oh, well, like it could be worse or there's all these things that are Great about it and really not allowing myself to feel the disappointment I've been allowing myself to sit in that disappointment and really kind of getting curious about the stories that I might be holding about it and if it's Actually stuff that's in my control and I mean usually it's not a lot of disappointment is in Like the algorithm and, um, tech glitches and the frustration that comes with that. And the thing is, is we can sit in that energy and kind of allow it to turn into excuses and roadblocks and hiccups, and we can kind of become victims to that energy. Or we can be that radical witness, get radically curious about what else is going on there, what other emotions are at play, what wisdom is there for us, and really tap into that and, and not be victims of the situation. Instead, show up from like this empowered state and really, um, take back control where, where we do have control and, consciously release and surrender To the places that we don't have control over. And so that's what I've been doing, right? I've consciously been surrendering to the places that I don't have control, like the algorithm, like I, it's. Is it even real? Um, and instead of like being frustrated or disappoint and disappointed in metrics on Instagram, can I instead like put my energy into really trusting that my work is reaching the people that needs to and like this podcast is reaching the people that it's need to, that it needs to. And instead of sitting here all pouty, like, Oh, wow, nobody's signing up. I thought more people would sign up by now. What if instead I like tapped in to. The other possibility, the other possibility that calling in 20 women to this thing, so let's say the remaining women that I have seats for are literally in the place of discerning whether this is for them or not. They've been looking at the sales page over and over again, they are talking with their husbands or whoever they kind of make financial decisions around investing with, and literally maybe tonight they're about to plug their credit card information in, right? That's an absolute possibility. And so it's kind of this invitation to get really, um, I guess aware and curious around those stories that we hold with those emotions and coming back to, yeah, like I said, what we actually have control over and actually reframing some of those stories because often they're not really true. So I don't know, I'm not going to spend this episode talking about that. That energetic and emotional alchemy is one piece of. Where I want to bring us through in Undone. The other pieces are identity activation and nervous system attunement. And with identity activation, what I mean by that, I don't mean like this fluffy like manifestation stuff. What I mean is like, who do you actually need to be? What, what identities no longer fit? And what do you need to let go of to be who you want to be? And, and watching how when we can activate those identities, our behaviors and our actions. Naturally and organically start to shift. So it becomes like this hack almost in shifting our reality instead of feeling like we need to do all this mindset work or change our environment or hire more coaches or whatever. do whatever it is that you think you might have to do, there's another, there's another way. There's a more efficient and simple way, and it's to really fine tune, fine tune and refine that identity and that self concept and the story that we're holding around our self worth. And a beautiful example of kind of a simple way to begin experimenting with this is beginning to notice like what What programs you're plugged into, what beliefs you have been holding around your identity, for example, like, perfectionism is. A common one or, um, procrastination or people pleasing or one that shows up in my life a lot that I've noticed kind of creates some, uh, sticky situations for me is this identity of being really logical. So because I'm holding on to some of those labels as identities, they are tinting and distorting. The way my reality gets reflected back to me, right? Our, our subconscious is always looking for things to validate what we believe. So if we believe that we need to maintain this identity of being logical or being a people pleaser or being a perfectionist, we are constantly going to have experiences to validate that identity. Instead, when we plug into hold on before I get into that, just sharing more about this identity around being logical and where, how that shows up for me. So this, this identity, like I've been praised for my entire life. being super logical and being wise beyond my years and being mature and um, I don't even know what else, right? Just, just being analytical and this showed up in like getting good grades in school and being really thoughtful and considerate and thinking things through. And where I've noticed this showing up in my life now is actually this massive disconnect to my body because I'm so stuck in my head because that's what I've been praised for for so long. So, There's been a lot of work that I've had to consciously do around reconnecting to my body and feeling safe again to really trust the communication that my body's given me because I've literally been programmed and conditioned to spend so much time in my head and to logic my way through things that maybe logic shouldn't even be a part of, right? And when we talk about like intuition and innate desire and, Stuff like that. That's all like body based when we talk about nervous system stuff That's all body based and I just shared on instagram today, too This experience that I had earlier this week where I fucking fainted I've literally never fainted in my life, but I fainted in my kitchen the other night out of nowhere Um, and i'm not going to get into that But what I am going to share from that is again recognizing how quick I am to want to intellectualize The experience and want to intellectualize like the meaning behind what happened and what my nervous system was doing or what my nervous system needs from me or what I need to do to shift a state or like fix or regulate my nervous system, right? Immediately thinking, Oh my God, like I, my nervous system shut down. Like I went into a full fucking freeze response. What's wrong with me? What did I do or didn't do to get me there? And I, I began ruminating on that and that. That really was me intellectualizing. my nervous system when what would have been probably more healing and more supportive and more beneficial is Really just connecting back to my body and I mean I did do this, right? I was able to notice it notice this pattern of mine I noticed the pattern of wanting to intellectualize and instead I got to disrupt that pattern And really come back to my body and just allow my body to lead and my body to tell me like what I needed next Right and it was pretty simple. I needed to go lay down I needed to kind of just have this like energetic reset call my energy back To me because I feel like the past week or so has been energetically Dysregulating we've been in a lot of places. We've been a lot of social gatherings My energy has just been in a lot of places, right? And I also just needed to like have warm nourishing food It And it was that simple, and I'm totally fine, and here we are. But my point with that is like, the label of being logical really shows up in the context of me trying to make decisions in my business, or trying to make decisions in my life, and constantly wanting to filter it through my logical brain, and not necessarily trusting my body. And this also shows up in not feeling safe to like make impulsive decisions, because if I'm making an impulse decision that must mean I'm not thinking something through. And again, I've been praised as someone that thinks something through. So it's like this identity that I've been clinging on to, this identity that I want to maintain and, and, and yeah, maintain a reputation with. And so when we begin to kind of clean slate our identities cleans, like what I mean by that is like wipe away all these labels that we've been identifying and clinging to, we then have this clean slate to consciously decide what are we plugging into. Right? And so I can consciously decide to not plug into Being a logical person anymore. I can consciously decide not to plug into being a people pleaser and being a perfectionism, perfectionist, and all these other things, overachiever, whatever it is, right? And, and this all happens with awareness and other tools and strategies that we're going to work through in Undone to really curate an intentional self concept, right? We, we are creators of a reality and that starts with bringing our frequency, our essence up to the level of like the things that we're calling in, right? So that we become a right fit match to the energy that we're calling in. So that's what I mean with identity activation. It's not like fluffy manifestation stuff. It's it's It's really juicy, core healing, self worth stuff. And then the third pillar in this retreat is nervous system attunement. And this is a big one. This is probably going to show up in some way in almost every conversation we have in the retreat because we're no longer, you know, Trying to regulate our nervous systems like that is so 2024 y'all when I think of regulation, there's this connotation of like control and this need to fix and it really perpetuates and Promotes this this feeling of not enoughness, right? I'm doing something wrong. I'm not doing something enough. There's something wrong with me There's something wrong with my nervous system Do you see where I'm going with this? Right? And that's not the goal. The goal is actually to just come into right relationship with our nervous systems. Like I said, the goal isn't to intellectualize. The goal is to really begin to embody the wisdom and the communication that our nervous system offers us. And we're not there to try to control or fix. Instead, we're there to be in relationship with, right? So that looks like tending to and supporting and, right? Just being that radical. Witness and that supporter and, beginning to build our capacity and our resilience and our, and our flexibility within our nervous systems,, like window of tolerance, right? When we talk about like activating a new identity, that often brings our nervous system into Activation, because anything new, anything unfamiliar feels unsafe, and so our nervous system deems it as a threat. And so, So instead of trying to like shift that state and control that state, instead we get to use that as like a piece of data and get curious about it and really just like notice what we're noticing within our body as those things are happening and then learn to resource ourself internally instead of needing things outside of us to hold that potential discomfort and titrate it. Right into, into safety, chitrate a little bit to the growth edge and back into safety. And this is how we widen our capacity. This is how we begin to meet and expand our growth edges. And, and have the resiliency and the capacity to go after the things that we're calling in. Because right now, I'm guessing some of your big, dreamy, juicy desires, probably things that you've never spoken out loud, feel really, really unsafe and edgy to your nervous system. So the nervous system piece is so, so important when we're talking about identity activation and going after desires, because we have to get our nervous systems on board. Another thing I've been saying recently is, our nervous systems are the CEO to our business, right? And so. Being in right relationship with them allows us to really show up to our businesses from a more empowered state instead of feeling, again, kind of getting sucked into that victim mode of like, oh, well, there I am again. It's like my people pleasing and perfectionism getting in the way, or there I am again, like devaluing myself and, um, saying yes, when I mean no, or maybe saying no, when I mean yes. And it's all of these things. So. I have already rambled more than I wanted to because I have this clip that I want to share with you about What coming undone means to me and so i'm gonna take you there next like I said Make sure you're listening at 1x speed for this because me walking in the snow is a really peaceful Auditory sensation When I think of coming undone, it's this. This art of deconditioning, and unmasking, and shedding old identities and beliefs that no longer fit, and censoring your wildest wisdom, literally letting truth move through you, discerning, I think we do that by first kind of getting clear on who we are. What's not working. Where are things feeling really clunky or sticky or, I don't know, just like you feel like you're doing all the right things but you're not actually feeling fulfilled with them. Maybe also taking an inventory of what does feel good. And really using like the senses of the body to guide us here, not just our logic. Because you've likely been using your logic all this time, and it's making you feel like a shell of yourself. Because you're, in some aspects, on autopilot. In some aspects, following what I call society's to do list. Or, going after, you know, Someone else's like version of success. I have to have so much space and compassion for this because there's nothing inherently wrong with that. That is a beautiful nervous system adaptation. Ancestrally you've had to do those things to literally maintain survival and maintain a seat at the table and maintain a spot in your tribe. But that's not how we have to live anymore, and so we are literally rewiring our nervous system to attune to A higher frequency where we're not in survival anymore. And so when we're not in survival, how do we move? How do we breathe? How do we speak? Where do we spend our money? Who do we hang out with? What do we say yes to? What do we say no to? How do we fill our days? What do we dream about? What do we dream about when our dreams are no longer solely about getting out of survival? If we know we're safe. If we know our success is inevitable. If we know that God's source universe has our back and is there to support us, our wildest desires, our act of sacred service for our own personal healing and the collective, what do we want? This might feel like really big questions and it's very possible that it feels really hard to even think about these things because like I said, you've been in the state of survival for so long. You've been in a state of over committing, overachieving, overdoing. Out of fear that you wouldn't be enough or successful if you didn't do all those things. Hasn't felt safe to just radically exist because somewhere along the lines your sense of worthiness has gotten tangled with Things that aren't actually true. Not anymore, at least. And so if it feels really hard to come up with answers of what do you want, that's okay. This is an exercise you can come back to. This is something that you can kind of create a daily practice of daydreaming. And your mind might actually say that's impossible or that's delusional or that's crazy. And that's actually evidence that you are getting. To the right place. That's the kind of bigness. It's the kind of potential and possibility we want to start bringing to our awareness and allowing our body to sense into an experience. If your mind is similar to mine and you tend to go down the worst case scenario train. And, kind of come up with all the reasons that things might not work out, or all the, the, the situations that might happen. And her minds do this, very powerful, very smart very wise, do this to create a sense of safety and to create a sense of control, to create a sense of just like self trust and okay, I'm prepared for all of these different situations. And again, there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but it kind of keeps us in this closed off, keeps us, it's like a self, self created box, box of safety. It's our comfort zone. And so a way to kind of work with this and move around it is instead, ask yourself what if, and go the best case, go down the best case scenario train, almost like a, a child getting super excited to go somewhere I wonder if they'll have ice cream, I wonder what flavors they'll have, I wonder if, Mickey Mouse will be there. I wonder, I wonder, I wonder, right? And you see the expansiveness of that and even just the, the openness and the, the softness that your body kind of enters when you, when you start going on that train. Literally got full body chills because that train is powerful. That train is limitless. And when we can literally start to train our minds by using our body as a compass of what feels good. good and what feels delicious and what feels expansive. Then literally, the possibility and the potential of our reality is limitless. And that's where we're going. We get there by coming undone. We get there by dismantling and crumbling and releasing and composting the boxes, the labels, and the conditions. That have been placed around us. That we have subconsciously been placing ourselves into as well. We have to come undone for it. We have to untame and rewild. And likely start off a little messy. A little vulnerable. A little clunky. And again, our nervous system is going to say this is, this isn't safe. Because it equates safeness with familiarity. So anything that's not familiar feels unsafe. Even though, again, that's not inherently true. This is where we get stuck in these toxic loops and toxic patterns. Because, There's a sense of safety in familiarity. There's a sense of safety in our comfort zone. So we have to break the mold. We have to, we have to do things that Feel unfamiliar and learn to soothe and resource and support our nervous systems as we meet and expand those edges. And that's what we're doing inside Undone. I could go on and on and on about the potential and the possibility of what you might walk away with. But honestly, that's not up for me to decide. That's not up for me to create a list of things for you to check box yourself into. It's for you to assign and what a beautiful time of year to do this work. What a beautiful way to start off a new year. What a beautiful way to hold space and gratitude for this current year and the previous years, and all of the, the places you've been and the experiences you've had. What a beautiful way to, again, attuned to a higher frequency where you aren't in survival anymore. Where your default is to notice success all around you and your default is to notice your gains and your growth instead of being stuck and ruminating on the gaps and all the reasons, all the learnt limitations keeping you from your possibility. The song Do You Believe in Miracles just came to mind because literally there's miracles all around us all fucking day. Do All we have to do is open our eyes to them. All we have to do is open our hearts and our bodies to the possibility of them actually happening to us, for us. The world can change in an instant. I bet you can think of moments in your life where things did change drastically, where things felt like luck or, or like a miracle wow Can't believe this happened so quickly. I can't believe things are unfolding so easefully. This feels too good to be true. And maybe you can also, as you're thinking about those experiences, notice where you contracted and braced because again, your nervous system said, Oh my God, this is unfamiliar. This goodness, this pleasure, this ease, this simplicity is unfamiliar. Therefore, it must be unsafe. And this is where combining mindset and somatic work is so powerful. Because somatically, I think we can get in these loops of oh, okay, body doesn't feel safe. And then we, we literally, our reality mirrors that and so we come back to, to safeness. And like I said, safeness doesn't necessarily mean it's actually good for us. So we come back to our comfort zone and then there isn't actually growth and so even though things started to unfold for you, you subconsciously this is where like self sabotage comes in. I don't necessarily believe in sabotage because, again, these are adaptive protective responses. Our nervous system, our bodies are so fucking wise but this is where mindset work is so powerful because we can help change their stories and specifically like identity work and really. Stepping into a different identity and choosing the embodiment of that identity can be so powerful because there's like this triangle. Where beliefs, thoughts, actions, environment we can change all those things, but that's a very slow drip. That's that's one pathway. It's not the, it's not the most efficient pathway. The most efficient pathway is to shift our identity. Because when we shift our identity, all of those things shift and crumble and recalibrate organically. And the identity work is two fold, right? It's, it's mind and body. Because if we just focus on mind, our body, Retracts, and if we just focus on, on body, I mean, that sometimes works, but if you have a, a loud, very active, very powerful mind like mine, we can get stuck in these loops. So anyways, this is what we're doing in Undone. We are literally activating a new identity, which in turn causes like a fucking timeline leap in your life and your business. And there's a reason that it's stripped out over 12 weeks, because I don't want this to feel like something that is just like this one and done intensive over a weekend and then you have to integrate it back into life. Specifically paced in such a way that there is room for integration, there's room for witnessing each other, yourself, and working out the kinks as they come up. Moving through your own cycles. Because again, things, things feel different, our thoughts are different. Depending on what phase in our menstrual cycle we're in. And so, beautiful thing about a 12 week portal is that we get to work with three different seasons. And this is all happening if you're in the Northern Hemisphere in the season of winter, which is a beautiful time for channeling new identities and doing that like below ground work so that as we re emerge and come out of this portal it'll be right around springtime and seasonally, naturally, that's a beautiful time to just beginning to Nourish those seeds that are planted and kind of it's fertile New beginnings blah blah blah blah blah. So this is what we're doing. This is where we're going message me if you want to save your spot Yeah, let's do it Okay, there you have it. A full episode about the Undone Retreat. Of course, all the links are going to be in the show notes. I also have an FAQ section that I will link, likely answering some of your burning questions. And of course, if you want to have a conversation with me and really discern if this is the right experience for you in this season of your life, then my DMs are open. I'd be happy to set up a Zoom call or even going back and forth on Voxer or anything like that. And once again, the doors are closing on Wednesday, January 8th, and we officially start with an opening circle on Monday, January 13th, which is the first full moon of the year.