Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

your host Aurora. And I'm so very happy to be spending some

time with you today. I hope you're doing well, I hope you

feel safe and full of power, zero self doubt, zero obstacles

in your way. That would be quite nice, right? Well, some of us

have reached that point already and are thriving, and some of us

are still figuring out what makes us tick, what makes us

function very well what fields like the real flow for us? What

is our purpose? What are the people that we want to surround

ourselves with? That is just such big questions that are so

worth it to address. Because if you become your best version,

then you have to make sure that you know yourself best, the

better you know yourself, the better decisions you're going to

make in the future. And those decisions are not only going to

impact you, but they're going to impact the whole world around

you, your whole ecosystem that is around you. And that in turn

will affect you right back. Today I want to talk about

emotional toughness. The other day I heard that a client, a

coaching client wanted to be and feel invincible, to his

emotions. He is sick and tired to be nervous to feel like a

wreck, to be uncertain to have self doubt. He just wants to be

successful and not feel these feelings of anxiety anymore. He

gets really frustrated and angry about this. And that, of course

doesn't make it better. Well, what can I recommend here? When

it comes to emotional toughness? The thing that I have learned is

that if you learn to see your emotions as an ally, more than

an enemy, or if you don't want to see them as an ally, but an

opponent, so to say, then we can start a conversation about okay,

what are emotions? How come that emotions are running your life?

Why are your emotions at the steering wheel? And why is it

not your rational self? What can we do to eliminate these

emotions to have them gone once and for all. So the thing that

I've learned is that the more you push back, the more you

don't want certain emotions in your life, the stronger they're

going to come back. It is a vicious cycle. You can't

suppress strong emotions. It is how you learned to cope with

situations that is how you learn to react and respond in certain

situations or to life in general. What we can change is

your attitudes and your view on life. The way you see people the

thoughts that you have around life in general, the wounds that

you can still heal from the past, because you might still

cling to survival mechanisms that involve strong emotions,

strong emotions were there and the past for you to feel

protected and safe. But maybe you're not exposed to intense

threat anymore. Or maybe you just want to address stressful

situations, challenges, obstacles, opportunities with a

new and fresh mind. And this is where coaching comes into play.

Because it is during your coaching sessions that you will

uncover reveal what is deep inside of you and what needs to

come out in order to have

Halsey responses, in order to have a more detached approach to

things. And the balance here, the art here is to not become

too detached and to have everything in your life not, you

know, touching you anymore. Because that would mean that

your heart is closed, you got sick walls around you. And you

would have very, very hard time to connect with people because

you need to be emotional, and emotionally flexible, you need

to have empathy with people. So all those feelings are good,

they make you connect with people, but I get it when it is

just too much. When the cat down the road passed away. And after

three weeks, you're still sad because of this. Not to diminish

our relationship to our dear pets and animals in general. But

maybe you you're getting my point here, there is situations

where we deeply want to grieve, where we just have to go through

the pain, and be patient with ourselves and sit with it, and

not wanting it to go away. But let's take public speaking, for

instance, I totally get it that after a while of trying to

publicly speak in front of people and you still get

nervous, you'd still get the jitters. You're just getting

exhausted and tired and frustrated with yourself, you

just want to be confident once and for all. And you want people

to see you for the person you are. Well the thing is that with

coaching, we will change the way you approach public speaking for

instance, or if you have any other fear or any other

situation in your life where you become very emotional. It can be

anger, it can be anxiety, nervousness, whatever it is, we

will go behind the scenes and find out what are the thoughts

that trigger these emotions, because I'm a strong believer.

And I've done that work on myself. And I'm still doing

that, that I observe my thoughts that trigger these strong

emotions, I observe my beliefs that I have that trigger the

strong emotions. And then what I do is I question them. Really,

are you really nervous, because you want to please everybody,

every single person out of the 10,000 people that are listening

to you? Well, darling, this is never gonna be the case, there

will always be people who don't agree with you who don't want to

listen to what you have to say. And you got to suck it up. You

got to toughen up in that area that you want to please and feel

adored by everybody. Because that is not the case. What I

want to encourage you to do when it is about public speaking is

that you when you train every 10 seconds, every minute, once you

train for a little while that you remind yourself from the

inside out, what is your mission and your vision here? What is it

that you're coming here to do? And to talk about? Is it to be

famous? Is it to draw attention to you? Or is it to serve

people, to help people out educate people to inspire and

motivate and empower people? See those are two very different

things. And if I can get behind your multiviewer intention and

talk with you about it, then we can slowly boil the emotions

down. Because we'd heard if you have the right intentions, then

there is nothing to be nervous about. And then people will

embrace and listen to you and there will still be some people

that are not willing to listen to you. And that is okay. We're

going to learn to be more okay with not seeking out approval

with not needing approval from other people. When you know

exactly what your mission is and your intentions are

to serve people. So, when it comes to other situation when it

comes to talking to a date, talking to the opposite sex

talking to people at your workplace, we can also get

behind the strong emotions, the strong feelings of nervousness

and find out what are the thoughts that are triggering

your machine? And how can we tell your subconscious that you

are safe today that you have the tools that you need, in order to

function? Well, just like you want it, you are resourceful,

you are full of ideas and inspiration and people feel

drawn to you. And you can let go of that nervousness that used to

protect you maybe we don't know, we would find out in a couple of

conversations. So emotional toughness is such an incredible

juicy and good topic to talk about because it is not about

suffocating, and punishing the feelings that come up, but to

deeply make sense of them, to put them all out on the lawn, or

on the table and weed through them and see what is valid of or

worthy of our attention. What can we draw up? And how can we

help you to move on more empowered? How can we befriend

you with your emotions, so that you can use your emotions to

your advantage so that they don't hold you back anymore and

cripple you, where you can maybe even speak out about the

emotions that you feel, you know, when you are in a

conversation, and all of a sudden, a person makes you

nervous or you get angry, then you can tell them, hey, this

actually hurts me when you say this. I don't know why. But this

is how I feel right now. And maybe we can work through this

or who I'm getting really nervous here. Maybe it is

because I want to, you know, be the best version of myself. And

I feel that you are an awesome person. And I don't want to

disappoint you, you know how absolutely sexy and beautiful it

is when a person can be open about how they feel. Because

trust me, that other person feels your nervousness feels

your frustration, people feel that you're suppressing

something. And if you can be open about it, you take that

energy, that pressure outside of you, you put it on the table,

and between you and the audience or you and the other person. And

then you can deal with it. And it dissolves most of the time.

That's the beautiful thing about emotions, as soon as you express

them authentically, honestly, not lying to yourself. And

others, you can see wonders unfold. And know that your

emotions are good and healthy and they make you you. But if

you're still for some reason struggling with, you know, some

past issues with you have beliefs that are not serving you

and keeping you small, then address it. And it doesn't have

to be me it can be any coach out there that you come across. But

I want you to engage in that journey if you keep being

frustrated about the strong emotions that you have. Alright,

I'm leaving you on this note. I'm sending my love out to you.

Thank you so much for being here. I feel so honored to

connecting with you and to be serving you. I deeply care about

you and your mental health. I want you to be your best

version. I want you to know yourself. And then make the

decisions that make you happy. Set the boundaries that make you

feel great. And love the people have the people clothes that

inspire you and make you feel good and all that jazz. Alright,

lots of love. Until next time. Bye bye