COLD OPEN

Setting: Offices of Smith et. Al.

NARRATOR

It's another exciting day in the city of Megalopolis; where the superheroes save the day and the lawyers save the superheroes!

And today–or rather, tonight–young Harper Hallo prepares for another night shift! And this one looks like it’s gonna be a long one…

[HARPER is settling onto their desk for the night shift. Sounds of them humming with papers shuffling, a bag being set down on the desk and ruffling around the bag.]

HARPER

Alrighty, night shift checklist: cozy slippers, a pillow and blanket for when I eventually fall asleep at my desk, and two cases of Red Bull. Oh! I should put these in the fridge.

[Sounds of walking. Sound of door opening as HOLLY walks in.]

HOLLY

Oh, there you are honey!

HARPER

What--?! MOM? What are you doing here?

HOLLY

I just wanted to drop by and see how you were doing! Hazel told me you were working late tonight.

HARPER

How did you even get in?! Oh my god--

HOLLY

I just spoke with your darling AI! She let me right in when I told her I was here to check up on you.

HARPER

[through gritted teeth]

LOIS?

LOIS

[playing innocent]

Who am I to keep a mother from her child?

HARPER

[loud whisper to LOIS]

Our security system!

[to Holly]

Well, um, as you can see, I’m doing fine! Great, in fact. But I do have a lot of work to do, so —

HOLLY

I wanted to make sure you had enough Red Bull and something good to eat while you’re here all night. I made you some brisket--oh, do you have a microwave here?

HARPER

Mom, you can’t just — oh, wow, that smells really good.

HOLLY

Your father said the same thing! He wanted some, but I said no, honey, this is for Harper. I just love you so much, I want to make sure you’re comfortable. I’ve done my fair share of night shifts and it gets so lonely being cooped up in the office. Now you have a bit of home here!

HARPER

That’s… actually really thoughtful, thank you. Although you really don’t have to worry — I have a night shift here because there are other people here at night. So it doesn’t get too lonely.

HOLLY

Oh, but there’s something different about nighttime, even if you have coworkers around.

HARPER

That’s true, I guess. And I appreciate the thought. Thanks, mom.

[Suddenly, there’s a door opening and COLE greets them with fake cheer with undercurrents of desperation. Underneath is the sound of KAREN LUPLOW ranting to Bonnie. ]

KAREN

… What I don’t understand is that this is the biggest, fanciest law firm for superheroes in the city and honestly??? Your customer service is fucking garbage. I’m here with the case of the century and you’re just stonewalling me and berating me and belittling me. I thought you wanted to help people and all I’m seeing is two rude women who couldn’t grab a good opportunity if it was nailed to their goddamn hand. I’ve been here talking with you for one whole hour and don’t think I haven’t caught the looks you two have been giving each other. I’m just a mother who wants to see justice done for my daughter because she’s being actively discriminated against and I feel like I’m the only one here who even cares. …

COLE

HARPER! Hiiiiiiiiiii! We have a case--wait, who is this?

HARPER

Ms. Castillo! This is my mom. Mom, this is my boss.

HOLLY

Cole! Harper has so many wonderful things to say about you, I’m thrilled I finally have a chance to meet you! Thank you for taking care of my baby, it sounds like they’re in excellent hands!

COLE

[distracted]

Oh, uh, nice to meet you too, Ms. Hallo. Harper’s a joy! Such a joy that I need to borrow them for a minute.

HARPER

That’s perfect, my mom was just about to —

HOLLY

Take your time! I’ll be right out here honey, I brought sudoku!

HARPER

No, just…

[HOLLY walks back to HARPER’s desk. HARPER trails off, sighs, and turns to COLE.]

Sorry about that, Ms. Castillo. What do you need? I didn’t know you were here tonight too. I thought you and Ms. Firestein were supposed to leave an hour ago.

COLE

Haha, yeah, we were! Hey, listen, so, how would you like to help advise on a case?

HARPER

Oh, sure, I —

COLE

Great!

[COLE drags HARPER into the room which interrupts KAREN.]

KAREN

Who is this?

COLE

This is Harper Hallo, one of our incredible junior associates. Sometimes we bring them in when we need… a new… perspective on a case. Bonnie and Harper will definitely be able to help you out goodbyehopeyouhaveagoodnight.

BONNIE

Cole!!

COLE

[very fast while running away]

I’M SORRY I LOVE YOU I’LL SEE YOU AT HOME!

SCENE ONE

HARPER

Um, hi. It’s good to meet you, Ms.…?

KAREN

I’m Mrs. Karen Luplow and this is my daughter, Mary. Say hi honey.

MARY

Hel—

KAREN

As I was saying, my precious little darling girl is trying to be a professional sidekick. It’s the only thing she’s ever wanted since she got her powers but these two have been telling me I don’t have a case!

BONNIE

The statutes and the case law around them are clear, Mrs. Luplow. Mary is just too young to legally become a professional sidekick. The most applicable precedent was set in The Chick of Justice case years ago.

HARPER

Oh! We covered that a couple weeks ago in class. US v. The Hen of War, right?

KAREN

Class?! You’re supposed to help me out and you’re only a student?

BONNIE

Mrs. Luplow, Harper is very capable—

KAREN

I don’t see how some chicken relates to the apple of my eye not being able to be a professional sidekick.

HARPER

Um, may I?

BONNIE

[Beleaguered.]

Go right on ahead.

HARPER

Well, US v. The Hen of War is actually what established the two different classes of sidekicks, by establishing what categories apply to hero work when it comes to child labor laws. An 11-year-old Professional Sidekick named The Chick of Justice fell off a skyscraper during a fight with a supervillain. They were saved—thank goodness—but that kind of work is now considered too dangerous for young people to do. It’s actually based on old laws about roofing jobs, because so much hero work ends up happening on rooftops. Now on the other hand, we have the classification of Extracurricular Sidekicks for teenagers still in school—

KAREN

AGEISM. That just reeks of ageism to me. Just because one stupid kid made a stupid mistake doesn’t mean that my incredibly talented daughter should be stopped from following her dreams! Let’s take it to the Supreme Court and show the world that greatness doesn’t have an age requirement!!

HARPER

Well, how old is Mary?

KAREN

She’s twelve and three quarters and she’s eager to join the workforce, aren’t you honey?

MARY

Um, I—

KAREN

She will not be suppressed!

HARPER

B-but Mrs. Luplow, these laws are instrumental in making sure children like your daughter have safe—

KAREN

Mary is an exceptional young woman with an exceptional gift. I will not see her denied her opportunity to shine!

BONNIE

Mrs. Luplow, Harper and I are going to go outside for just a moment. We’ll be right back.

KAREN

If I’m paying by the hour, you better not be shooting the shit next to the watercooler!

BONNIE

It’ll just be a moment!

[Sound of door opening and closing.]

HARPER

Whoa. She’s a little… enthusiastic, isn’t she?

BONNIE

Oh my god, you don’t know the half of it. She’s been nonstop ever since she came in.

HARPER

But we’re not taking the case, right? Mary is so young! Making her a Professional Sidekick could put her in all sorts of danger!

HOLLY

What’s this about making young people sidekicks?

[BONNIE screams.]

HARPER

Mom!

BONNIE

Um… hello?

HARPER

Ah, Ms. Firestein, I’m so sorry! This is my mother.

HOLLY

Bonnie, I’ve heard such good things about you as well! It’s a pleasure!

BONNIE

Er, yes, you too! I’m sorry, but Harper and I were discussing a case…

HOLLY

Yes! I overheard a bit of it! Sidekick law? We have a lot of family resources that could help with that! We’ve ha—known plenty of —

HARPER

Thanks so much, but I think we’ll be good!

HOLLY

Oh! Yes, sorry, of course you will. You can tell Ms. Firestein all about your time in sidekick classes, Harper!

BONNIE

You took sidekick classes?

HARPER

[audibly stressed]

I really don’t think that’s relevant!

BONNIE

Of course, sorry.

HOLLY

Harper, you should always try to learn from your experiences, and the experiences of those around you. I’m always telling your sibling that. If you have anything you want to ask —

HARPER

MOM!

[beat, Harper composes themself]

Um, that’s great of you to offer, but… attorney-client privilege! You can’t help with the case and we can’t talk about it in front of you, so could you please go for a few minutes!

HOLLY

Oh, yes, of course! Bonehead alert. I’ll leave you two.

[HOLLY walks away.]

HARPER

I am so, so sorry.

BONNIE

It’s fine, it’s fine! Don’t worry, we all have our family embarrassments. One time when I was a kid I had a friend over for a playdate and one of my dads answered the door still covered in elephant dung.

HARPER

What?

BONNIE

Uh, nothing. Anyway, of course we’re not taking the case. No one wants to take this case, I wouldn’t be surprised if she stopped at all the cheaper law firms before coming here. The problem is that Mrs. Luplow knows people in the mayor’s office. If she causes enough of a stink, it could turn into a whole thing. So we’ve gotta find a way to refuse her and make it seem like we’re doing her a favor.

HARPER

Wow. Okay, I’ll try my best.

BONNIE

It’s all we can ask for. Let’s get back in there.

[beat]

Oh, and… look, I’m not judging you at all, but… you might want to ask your mom to leave? Just for your own sake.

HARPER

[worried]

… yeah. I will.

SCENE TWO

[Sound of door opening and closing.]

BONNIE

So Mrs. Luplow—

KAREN

Finally! Do you know how long we’ve been waiting for your little…secret conference to wrap up?

BONNIE

LOIS?

LOIS

2 minutes and 47 seconds.

BONNIE

So, less than three minutes, Mrs. Luplow. Now if we could just talk to you–

KAREN

I think what you people don’t understand is how powerful Mary is. Her being a Professional Sidekick isn’t just about her following her dreams, it’s about the safety of Megalopolis. Tell them about your Wizard Fingers, honey.

MARY

Well, I can—

KAREN

Mary has telekinesis! It’s incredible! It’s the most versatile superpower there is!

BONNIE

[Gently.]

Why don’t we hear from Mary what she can do?

KAREN

Tell them, honey. No, no! SHOW them!

MARY

[Clears her throat.]

I, uh, I can make a ghost hand and make it do things.

[Sound of ghost hand being created and then sound of a pen being clicked and then set down on the desk.]

KAREN

LOOK AT THAT.

HARPER

That’s really cool what you did with the pen. What sort of other stuff can you do?

MARY

I can open doors or pull a book out of my backpack. But—but it’s no big deal, I can’t like, hurt anybody with it or do anything that’s too far away from me. I can’t pick up things that are heavy or anything like—

KAREN

My baby is being modest. Can you imagine all the uses for this ability? Imagine: there’s a vial of poison on a tray in a supervillain’s lair and she snatches it out from them right before they get it! Or, or, or, there’s a lever! In a life-or-death situation! And you need someone to pull it FAST and there’s not enough time to walk there! BAM. Mary saves the day again.

MARY

Mom, it’s not, I’m not—

KAREN

You know what? I’m sick and tired of being jerked around here. I want to speak to your boss. Now.

BONNIE

Oh, I can’t—

KAREN

I’m sure THE MAYOR would LOVE to hear how this so-called LAW FIRM treated a CONCERNED CITIZEN—

BONNIE

Alright, alright! Let’s go, Mrs. Luplow. Harper, can you watch Mary for a little while? We’ll be right back.

KAREN

My Mary doesn’t need watching–

BONNIE

Of course she doesn’t, but it’s firm policy not to leave civilians unaccompanied. We have all sorts coming in for legal help, especially at night.

HARPER

You’re taking her Ms. Luplow to Mr. Aria?

KAREN

Mmm. Perhaps this “Mr. Aria” will recognize the importance of my Mary’s abilities!

HARPER

[sincere]

Good luck. Hope he’s eaten recently.

BONNIE

[mutters]

I don’t.

KAREN

Be good, sweetie. You’re the precious fruit from my womb and Mommy’s going to wage a war for you.

[Sound of door opening and closing as BONNIE and KAREN leave]

SCENE THREE

HARPER

[loud whisper]

Psst! LOIS!

LOIS

[mocking loud whisper back]

Yes, Birdbrain?

HARPER

Is my mom still at my desk?

LOIS

She is.

HARPER

Dammit.

LOIS

Well, did you expect her to leave?

HARPER

I can hope, can’t I? Hey, can you go tell her that security wants her to go or something?

LOIS

Can I lie to your mother on your behalf? Well, I’d certainly prefer not to.

HARPER

Ugh, no, you’re right. That’s not fair.

LOIS

If I may, why don't you just ask her to leave?

HARPER

I don’t want to offend her! She doesn’t mean any harm!

[melancholy]

It really means the world to me that she supported my law career instead of making me stay a sidekick. She could’ve chosen to be like that Karen woman, and I’m so grateful that she didn’t. I can’t make her feel bad about that.

LOIS

Well, if you want my advice —

HARPER

Ooh! I know what to do!

LOIS

Alright, you don’t.

[ringing noise as HARPER calls HAZEL, followed by a picking up a phone noise]

HAZEL

[via phone, with the noise of a party in the background]

Hello?

HARPER

Hazel! I — wait, where are you? I thought you were off tonight.

HAZEL

I am off! I’m at Elastic Jerry’s party.

[sound of screaming and crashing from the background of the phone call]

He’s using himself as a slingshot to fling guests across the yard right now! It’s awesome!

HARPER

Oh. Uh, I can call back if you’re busy.

HAZEL

No, no, my turn isn’t for a while. What’s up?

HARPER

When you first started sidekicking, was mom, um…

HAZEL

Lovingly insufferable?

HARPER

Yes.

HAZEL

Oh, totally.

HARPER

How did you get her off your back?

HAZEL

Hmm. Well, I really didn’t do much, to be honest. I just put up with it until she burned herself out. Which she did, eventually!

HARPER

How long did that take?

HAZEL

Six months, give or take?

[HARPER groans]

You having a problem?

HARPER

She’s at my office and she won’t leave.

HAZEL

Yep, sounds about right. Did she bring you a brisket?

HARPER

Yeah, it looks delicious.

HAZEL

It always does. Well, I don’t really have any tips for you, at least not from experience. Want me to talk to her for you?

HARPER

No! No, no. You’re having fun, don’t mind me.

HAZEL

It’s really no trouble. The slingshot thing isn’t gonna be that fun anyway.

HARPER

No, no. If someone’s gonna talk to her it should be me.

HAZEL

Got it. Well, good luck, Harp.

HARPER

Thanks. Don’t die in a slingshot accident.

HAZEL

I won’t! I can fly!

HARPER

[amused]

Bye, Hazel. Love you.

[phone clicks off]

Okay. Okay. I just have to talk to her. Easy

[beat]

LOIS

Mx. Hallo?

HARPER

Yeah?

LOIS

You do not appear to be moving.

HARPER

I’ll go in a minute! I’m just… preparing.

[beat]

MARY

Um, Mx. Hallo?

HARPER

Oh, Mary! Thank God.

MARY

What?

HARPER

Nothing, nothing! Sorry, do you need something?

MARY

Uh, yeah. You just kind of left me alone in the conference room, so I was wondering whether I was supposed to be doing anything?

HARPER

Oh, God, I’m so sorry about that! Um, we don’t have anything in particular to give you, but, uh… you wanna go for a walk? Far away from my desk?

MARY

Sure, I guess so.

HARPER

Great! Let’s go.

SCENE FOUR

[steady sound of footsteps, a beat passes]

HARPER

So. How’s, uh, how’s school going?

MARY

Fine.

HARPER

Great.

[beat]

Um…

MARY

What did Ms. Firestein mean about all sorts at night?

HARPER

Oh I think she was just trying to get your– , explain to your mom that it’s not usually best for kids to be alone in here.

MARY

Does that mean it’s dangerous?

HARPER

What? No, not at all! I mean your mom is on her way to talk to a vampire, but he’s really very…well, not nice…

[beat]

It’s fine, though. Is what I’m saying. Nothing ever happens here.

[ALARM sound and LOCKS ON DOOR engaging.]

LOIS

Alert. Alert. Lockdown is in effect due to an attack by Mad Moxie and her Malicious Malcontents.

MARY

Oh my god!

HARPER

Oh! I’m so sorry—please don’t worry. Everything is okay.

MARY

But the doors all locked! What’s happening?

LOIS

I repeat. We are under lockdown due to an attack by Mad Moxie and her Malicious Malcontents.

HARPER

It’s alright. This is the second time this week this has happened, it’s not a big deal at all.

MARY

I thought you said nothing ever happens here!

HARPER

Honestly? I kind of forgot about this. I’m…just kind of used to superhero stuff.

[ALARM.]

LOIS

Main entrance door breach in progress.

HARPER

[Nervous laugh.]

Totally normal.

MARY

[Lets out a frustrated sound.]

This is so stupid!

HARPER

This is just a little bump in the road. Everything will be fine in a minute. Come on, sit. Let’s, uh, let’s get your mind off all this.

MARY

Off the supervillain attack?

HARPER

Yep!

MARY

How?

HARPER

Um… we’ll talk. Uh, how about this? Tell me what makes you the most excited about being a sidekick.

MARY

[Sighs.]

My mom will stop talking about it.

HARPER

Is… is that all? Wait, do you even want to be a sidekick? Or is it just something your mom wants for you?

MARY

She’s the one making a big deal about it.

HARPER

Why?

MARY

My dad lost his job last month.

HARPER

Oh. I’m so sorry to hear that.

MARY

They always fought all the time but now it’s really, really bad. They scream at each other every night and dad says we’re running out of savings.

HARPER

So if you earned a paycheck, it’d help your whole family. That’s a lot of pressure to put on you.

MARY

Yeah, whatever.

HARPER

What about your mom? Does she work?

MARY

She’s a TupperWerewolf.

HARPER

… Oh. That’s… … well. Um. That’s the group that sells the containers that change shapes, right?

MARY

Yeah…

HARPER

You know, that’s a Multi-Level—

MARY

I know.

HARPER

[Beat as they’re at a loss for what to say. They change the subject back.]

You know when I was younger, my parents really wanted me to be a sidekick, too.

MARY

It sucks.

HARPER

Yeah, it really does.

[Chuckles.]

Did your mom sign you up for the prerequisite classes yet?

MARY

Oh my GOD, they are SO BORING.

HARPER

I KNOW. I don’t want to be tested on how close I have to be to some superhero. “An extracurricular sidekick may be no farther than fifty feet from their superhero chaperone at all times.”

MARY

It’s so stupid. I don’t want to study what POSES I’m supposed to do when people are taking pictures of me for the paper.

HARPER

I called my favorite one “The Respectable Diamond.” Y’know, feet shoulder width apart, arms bent at your sides and hands on your hips.

MARY

I hate the stupid videos. They’re so old and corny.

HARPER

[Puts on a voice.]

“A good Public Relations story is a great way to make sure you’re on your superhero chaperone’s good side! There are many totally groovy benefits to making sure you represent yourself and your superhero chaperone in a positive light: imagine the pride and joy in the eyes of your parents and all the people you save together!”

MARY

UGH.

HARPER

I know, right?

[Laughs.]

My parents didn’t talk about the money too much, though. They wanted me to be a superhero to make a difference. I know, I know, you don’t have to give me that look. I always knew that there are other ways to change the world and I wanted to make sure I did it my way.

MARY

Like being a lawyer?

HARPER

[A little too enthusiastically]

YES!

[Clear throat]

I mean, yeah.

LOIS

Door lock disengaged.

[DOOR OPENS]

MARY

[Startled sound]

HARPER

It’s okay, Mary. This is my boss.

MAL

Good evening. Everyone intact in here?

HARPER

We’re okay, Mr. Aria. Thank you for checking up on us.

MAL

Yes, well, can’t have injured clients suing the firm. Oh, Young Hallo, I just met your mother. She’s alive and kicking, as they say. We should be out of this soon. Mad Moxie is —

[SOUND OF EXPLOSION FROM OUTSIDE]

[Turns his head to yell out door]

YOU’RE BREACHING CONTRACT, MISS MOXIE.

[Turns back to HARPER and MARY]

Well. I’d better go.

[DOOR CLOSES, LOCK ENGAGES.]

LOIS

I’m sure you don’t need me to officially announce that the door was locked.

HARPER

Yeah, we’re good.

LOIS

It is protocol that I tell you, however. The door lock is reengaged.

HARPER

Great, thanks LOIS!

[Lets out sigh of relief.]

Well. I know it sounds dangerous out there, but everything is perfectly fine.

MARY

I’m glad we’re in here.

HARPER

Yeah. It’s a good thing neither of us are sidekicks otherwise we’d have to be out there right in the middle of it!

MARY

I don’t even want to be a sidekick. I just want to use my Wizard Fingers to get sodas from the fridge and eat Cheetos without getting the dust on my hands.

HARPER

Wow, that’s super valid. I’d definitely do that too.

[SCREAMING HENCHMAN runs by outside.]

MARY

I’m guessing that was a Malicious Malcontent?

HARPER

Presumably.

MARY

So how did you get your parents to stop trying to make you a sidekick?

HARPER

Well—

[loud crash]

THE HALO

[on the other side of the door, but booming voice]

Mad Moxie! Cease this disruption!

HARPER

Oh, crap.

MARY

What was that!?

LOIS

The Halo has arrived.

THE HALO

I have come to stop you, Mad Moxie!

MARY

Oh wow, The Halo is my favorite!

HARPER

[sigh]

Yeah, she’s pretty great.

MARY

We’ll definitely be ok now!

HARPER

Yep.

MARY

So I guess… we can keep talking. If you want.

HARPER

Oh, yeah, sorry! I got a little distracted. Well, I told my family that my choice of career was something very important to me and that they had to respect my decision. That I didn’t want my job to include…threatening and fighting supervillains who are taking over buildings…

MARY

Did that work?

HARPER

For the sidekick part, it did. But sometimes I feel like they still don’t hear everything I have to say. My mom can be… overenthusiastic. She just wants to help, but… I’m not a child.

MARY

So what—

LOIS

Incoming call from Ms. Castillo.

HARPER

I’ll take it.

COLE

Harper! Is Bonnie there? Is she ok? Are you ok? I heard there was an attack!

HARPER

Everyone is fine. Ms. Firestein’s off with Karen somewhere, they went to talk to Mr. Aria.

COLE

[relieved]

Oh, thank goodness. Ok, well stay safe, ok?

HARPER

The Halo’s here, we’ll be fine.

COLE

The Halo? Isn’t Mad Moxie a little small time for her?

HARPER

Well…

COLE

I mean when did she even get there, on such short notice–

HARPER

You know what? I gotta go, gotta…deal with stuff. Everyone’s fine, I’ll tell Ms. Firestein to call you when I see her!

COLE

Oh, ok! Stay safe, Harper!

[disconnects]

LOIS

Yes, I can’t imagine when The Halo arrived.

HARPER

[loudly]

So! Mary! Where were we?

MARY

Um… you said your mom doesn’t hear you sometimes. What do you do then? When talking doesn’t work.

HARPER

Well… talking will work, eventually. Parents usually come from a good place, they just… don’t understand you right away sometimes. You just need to keep setting boundaries and sticking up for yourself--no matter how hard that might be.

MARY

My mom doesn’t want to understand.

HARPER

… Well, then how about this. Take my card. It’s got my office email on it and I check my inbox like a thousand times a day. And… here. Write down your email address on this one and I’ll ask one of my professors about your situation and send you as much info as I can.

MARY

… Thanks.

[SOOTHING ALARM OVER SOUND. DOOR LOCKS DISENGAGE.]

LOIS

Mad Moxie and her Malicious Malcontents have been apprehended. The offices are all clear.

HARPER

See? That wasn’t so bad.

SCENE FIVE

[Sound of door opening, KAREN enters already speaking at full volume]

KAREN

--won’t help me and my poor daughter, then I’ll go to every other law office in this city until SOMEONE realizes that the ENTIRE COURT SYSTEM is CORRUPT and that we have to do something about it!

BONNIE

Mrs. Luplow, I’m telling you, the precedent is airtight. They won’t overturn the decision. If you go somewhere else, you’ll either be turned away again, or they’ll decide to take advantage and charge you for a losing case.

LOIS

Considering the information in this specific inquiry, there is a 1 in 1,872,000 chance that another law office will accept this case and successfully challenge the precedent.

[door opens]

KAREN

Mary, come here. We are going to a more respectable law firm right this instant.

THE HALO

Ma’am, I am here to tell you–fresh off of apprehending Mad Moxie and her Malicious Malcontents–that you won’t find a more qualified, respectable lawyer than those in this very room!

KAREN

The Halo! When did you get here?

THE HALO

Never you mind! I think you need to listen to what these folks tell you! Especially your own daughter.

MARY

Um, mom—

KAREN

No! I don’t know how these frauds who claim to be lawyers got you to do their bidding, The Halo, but we’re done here. Young lady, we are—

MARY

NO. NO NO NO.

KAREN

What—

MARY

[Takes a deep breath.]

I don’t want to be a sidekick, MOM.

KAREN

[Nervous chuckle.]

Oh, honey, you don’t know what you’re talking about, we can chat about this when we get home. You and I agreed earlier that this was the best thing for you.

MARY

I WANT TO JOIN DRAMA CLUB.

KAREN

Now young lady, I will not be spoken to—

MARY

Get a real job, mom! No one wants to put leftovers in a Tupperware shaped like a dog’s face!

KAREN

It is QUIRKY and people LOVE IT and I am MY OWN BOSS!

MARY

Dad needs help and you’re not doing anything! You’re just going around and yelling at lawyers!

BONNIE

Alright, well! Mrs. Luplow, we seem to be in agreement that Smythe, Smit, Smith, and Smithson will not be taking your case, so I think we’re done here. You are free to pursue legal representation elsewhere, but I strongly suggest you do not — for multiple reasons.

KAREN

[Seething]

Oh, I–

MARY

Mom, it’s over. Let’s just go home. I can help you look for jobs after school tomorrow!

KAREN

[Huffs and stomps off.]

MARY

Thanks, everyone.

[She leaves, too. Door closes]

BONNIE

Pheeeeeeeeeeeew! That definitely could’ve gone better but at this point, I’m just glad it’s over. Hello, The Halo. When did you get here?

HARPER

Oh, The Halo got here in the middle of the fight! You know, from somewhere else! Outside the building!

BONNIE

Hmm. Ok. WELL. I am going to go home, murder Cole for leaving Karen with me, and then take a nice bubble bath to get rid of all the evidence.

HARPER

She called when the attack happened! She was really worried about you!

BONNIE

… ugh, fine. I’ll call her to tell her I’m okay and then I’ll murder her. Good night, all.

HARPER

Good night Ms. Firestein.

[Bonnie leaves]

HOLLY

How did your meeting go sweetie?

HARPER

[startled sound]

Mom! Where did you come from? I mean—

[whispering]

When did you change?

HOLLY

I’ve just been tucked in a corner doing my sudoku, dear. Did everything go okay?

HARPER

[sigh]

It went well, Mom. But there’s something I need to tell you.

HOLLY

You can talk to me about anything, I’m all ears.

[HARPER takes a deep breath.]

HARPER

You can’t show up to my work unannounced. And neither can…The Halo.

HOLLY

Oh.

HARPER

I really appreciate you bringing me things, but it looks unprofessional to have one of my parents drop in out of nowhere. It makes me feel like you’re not seeing me as an adult.

HOLLY

Of course I see you as an adult! I didn’t mean to make you feel that way--I just get so worried about you. Especially with you… not taking up the family business.

HARPER

… yeah, I know.

HOLLY

No, no, don’t make that face! Harper, I am not disappointed that you didn’t go into superheroism. You are going to be an amazing lawyer and do wonderful things. It’s just that striking out on your own is so hard. I know that Hazel will always have me to watch their back, but you… well, I want to be able to protect you, too.

HARPER

I know. I know you worry. But I want to make it on my own, mom. I want to be able to succeed without the Hallo name.

HOLLY

[a little melancholy]

I understand, honey.

HARPER

Hey, hey, don’t be sad! I’m not saying I don’t want you to visit, or, like, that I don’t want you in my life or whatever you’re catastrophizing. You’re my mom. You’re the best mom, I love you. I just want to be my own person, you know?

HOLLY

That… makes complete sense, my dear. How about this — next time I check up on you I’ll call first and make sure it’s okay?

HARPER

That sounds perfect. Thanks, mom.

[HARPER and HOLLY hug.]

HOLLY

I’m not as bad as…any other mothers whom I wasn’t here to meet just now, am I?

HARPER

No! Oh, no, not at all. You always listened, it just took me a while to know what I wanted. I never felt like you were trying to control me.

HOLLY

Well, good. I just want you to be happy.

HARPER

I know. And I think you– I think The Halo really helped Mary be happy, too. I don’t think her mom would have listened at all without her here.

HOLLY

Well I’m glad The Halo could help, and not just with poor Moxie. And I suppose I’d better go now, I don’t want to step in it any more than I already have. I love you. I hope you have a good night.

HARPER

You too.

[HOLLY leaves.]

HARPER

That was… very easy. God, I’m lucky.

[Beat.]

LOIS

You have: seven hours and thirty minutes left on your night shift.

HARPER

Didn’t need the reminder but thanks, LOIS.

NARRATOR

Aww, two youngsters bonding and teaching each other about life, and avoiding sidekicking! Very wise, kids!

We'll see you again soon, listener; for wherever there are lawyers being super, there are supers needing lawyers. Join us next time for another exciting day in the city of Megalopolis, here on Super Suits!