00:00:00.017 --> 00:00:06.797
Kevin Lowe: If you've ever felt stuck, burned out, or like life just isn't the way you hoped
00:00:06.797 --> 00:00:11.637
Kevin Lowe: it would be, well, today's episode is your permission slip to break free.
00:00:11.877 --> 00:00:17.397
Kevin Lowe: Because today's guest, Ray Martin, inside of the span of just three months,
00:00:17.817 --> 00:00:20.657
Kevin Lowe: everything in his life was gone, destroyed.
00:00:21.237 --> 00:00:24.217
Kevin Lowe: Business, relationships, all of it was gone.
00:00:24.837 --> 00:00:31.037
Kevin Lowe: And when most people would at that point break down, Ray Martin, he broke free.
00:00:31.257 --> 00:00:37.477
Kevin Lowe: And because he decided to break free, to set off on a six-month sabbatical,
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Kevin Lowe: which turned into over 14 years traveling the world, he has the lessons he's
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Kevin Lowe: learned to share with us today.
00:00:45.837 --> 00:00:47.837
Kevin Lowe: He's the author of the book called
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Kevin Lowe: Life Without a Tie, a book that is more than just an enjoyable read.
00:00:52.497 --> 00:00:57.017
Kevin Lowe: It's a book here to help set you free, to show you happiness,
00:00:57.397 --> 00:01:02.837
Kevin Lowe: joy from a man who took a chance, who had everything disappear.
00:01:03.097 --> 00:01:08.957
Kevin Lowe: But again, instead of choosing to break down, he chose to break free.
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Kevin Lowe: And maybe if nothing else, today's conversation is your inspiration to think
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Kevin Lowe: about doing the same in your life.
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Kevin Lowe: I'm your host, Kevin Lowe. And this, my friend, is episode 395 of Grit,
00:01:23.317 --> 00:01:24.537
Kevin Lowe: Grace, and Inspiration.
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Kevin Lowe: It is my amazing interview with today's guest, Ray Martin.
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Kevin Lowe: I hope you enjoy, and more so, I hope that something said today makes an impact on you.
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Kevin Lowe: That, well, you can put it into action in your life starting right away.
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Kevin Lowe: Here is my interview with Ray Martin.
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Podcast Opening Intro: Theme Song Plays: I got Grit, Grace, & Inspiration on my mind
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Kevin Lowe: What is going on today? Welcome back to Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.
00:02:06.600 --> 00:02:10.580
Kevin Lowe: Today, I have the pleasure of being in the studio with Ray Martin.
00:02:10.900 --> 00:02:12.440
Kevin Lowe: Ray, welcome to the podcast.
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Ray Martin: Thank you, Kevin. It's a pleasure to be here.
00:02:15.820 --> 00:02:21.760
Kevin Lowe: Yes, man. Well, Ray, I'm excited to get to dive into this amazing story that you have today.
00:02:22.060 --> 00:02:25.600
Kevin Lowe: But before we get to go traveling around the world with you,
00:02:25.600 --> 00:02:28.760
Kevin Lowe: we might as well start back in
00:02:28.760 --> 00:02:31.820
Kevin Lowe: the year 2005 when yeah kind of
00:02:31.820 --> 00:02:36.400
Kevin Lowe: everything started coming unraveled in your life and so i would love it if we
00:02:36.400 --> 00:02:40.980
Kevin Lowe: could start our conversation by you kind of taking me back then giving me an
00:02:40.980 --> 00:02:46.160
Kevin Lowe: idea of kind of life before everything started coming unraveled and then of
00:02:46.160 --> 00:02:49.680
Kevin Lowe: course those series of events that happened sure
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Ray Martin: Yeah i'd love to do that. So let me, oh, I have to think back to 2005. It's now 20 years ago.
00:02:54.700 --> 00:02:56.460
Kevin Lowe: If you believe it. Exactly.
00:02:56.800 --> 00:03:00.560
Ray Martin: It feels like yesterday in some ways, but it feels like a lifetime ago in others.
00:03:00.720 --> 00:03:05.820
Ray Martin: But back in 2005, I was the CEO of a business I founded, a management consulting
00:03:05.820 --> 00:03:07.480
Ray Martin: business based in London, England.
00:03:07.900 --> 00:03:12.560
Ray Martin: And my co-founder and business partner was my wife, the woman I was married to.
00:03:12.960 --> 00:03:16.420
Ray Martin: And we were a sort of very successful husband and wife management team.
00:03:16.420 --> 00:03:20.580
Ray Martin: We grew our company and in 2002 I'd
00:03:20.580 --> 00:03:24.000
Ray Martin: been the recipient of a very prestigious award in
00:03:24.000 --> 00:03:27.380
Ray Martin: England the Daily Telegraph Business Leader of the Year award so I was sort
00:03:27.380 --> 00:03:31.060
Ray Martin: of following the the blueprint that most of us were taught when we were at school
00:03:31.060 --> 00:03:34.280
Ray Martin: to get a really good job and a really good career and a great partner and a
00:03:34.280 --> 00:03:38.420
Ray Martin: great home and start a family and have kids and those sorts of things I was
00:03:38.420 --> 00:03:41.660
Ray Martin: sort of doing that to the letter and it was all sort of working really well that
00:03:42.088 --> 00:03:46.768
Ray Martin: I had this strange sense that somehow I was on the wrong track.
00:03:46.908 --> 00:03:50.308
Ray Martin: I didn't know why. It just used to gnaw away at me. I sort of felt I was living
00:03:50.308 --> 00:03:52.248
Ray Martin: someone else's life in some ways.
00:03:52.428 --> 00:03:56.188
Ray Martin: And one day, my business partner went off to a meeting and came back and very
00:03:56.188 --> 00:04:00.128
Ray Martin: shockingly and suddenly said, this was after about 12 years together,
00:04:00.548 --> 00:04:03.008
Ray Martin: said, I'm leaving you and I'm leaving the company.
00:04:03.548 --> 00:04:08.288
Ray Martin: And it was massively shocking to my system in a way I can't describe.
00:04:08.288 --> 00:04:11.048
Ray Martin: At the same time round about the
00:04:11.048 --> 00:04:13.808
Ray Martin: same time my father got very ill and he went into hospital with all
00:04:13.808 --> 00:04:16.788
Ray Martin: sorts of heart problems he died shortly afterwards and so
00:04:16.788 --> 00:04:19.868
Ray Martin: within a very short space of time i was sort of
00:04:19.868 --> 00:04:24.048
Ray Martin: facing being out of the business i created with her out of my home out of my
00:04:24.048 --> 00:04:28.068
Ray Martin: marriage and my father gone and it was hugely disorientating and this was all
00:04:28.068 --> 00:04:34.728
Ray Martin: happening at the back end of 2004 and early 2005 wow yeah that hopefully gives
00:04:34.728 --> 00:04:38.288
Ray Martin: you a picture and i was a broken man at that point, you know, completely lost.
00:04:38.408 --> 00:04:42.668
Ray Martin: I wasn't prepared for anything like that in my life. I'd never suffered anything so shocking.
00:04:42.808 --> 00:04:46.068
Ray Martin: I just felt really broken. I didn't quite know what to do.
00:04:46.588 --> 00:04:51.608
Kevin Lowe: So when your wife came to you with that, you had no idea.
00:04:51.928 --> 00:04:58.168
Ray Martin: Well, I knew that I wasn't feeling a hundred percent right about life and how it was unfolding,
00:04:58.168 --> 00:05:01.348
Ray Martin: but I just assumed that everyone had similar thoughts
00:05:01.348 --> 00:05:04.768
Ray Martin: and just sort of normalized it and sort of thought well everyone must have some
00:05:04.768 --> 00:05:08.788
Ray Martin: kind of degree of discontentment about these things i'm i need to be grateful
00:05:08.788 --> 00:05:15.008
Ray Martin: for what i have and surely it will work itself out in the end somehow yeah just
00:05:15.008 --> 00:05:18.988
Ray Martin: sort of just never really never really confronted it fully of.
00:05:18.988 --> 00:05:21.908
Kevin Lowe: Course of course now how old were you at this point
00:05:21.908 --> 00:05:25.608
Ray Martin: I was 44 then yeah 44 wow.
00:05:25.608 --> 00:05:30.588
Kevin Lowe: Now you lost your father Was your mom still alive at this
00:05:30.588 --> 00:05:33.008
Ray Martin: Point? Yeah, she still is, in fact. She is.
00:05:33.208 --> 00:05:33.628
Kevin Lowe: Amazing.
00:05:34.428 --> 00:05:34.948
Ray Martin: Amazing.
00:05:35.728 --> 00:05:42.008
Kevin Lowe: Wow. So your wife comes to you, tells you she wants a divorce,
00:05:42.148 --> 00:05:45.968
Kevin Lowe: but you guys are also business partners. So what does that do to the business?
00:05:46.388 --> 00:05:51.708
Ray Martin: Well, it's, you know, it raises a lot of questions. And I looked at that closely
00:05:51.708 --> 00:05:55.688
Ray Martin: because, you know, I had the possibility of continuing running the business
00:05:55.688 --> 00:05:57.468
Ray Martin: without her and finding a replacement.
00:05:57.568 --> 00:06:02.868
Ray Martin: But I sort of felt that we were like akin to something like if you're an ice
00:06:02.868 --> 00:06:05.508
Ray Martin: skating pair or something like this.
00:06:05.768 --> 00:06:10.168
Ray Martin: There was a creative dance between us, which I felt I couldn't replicate with
00:06:10.168 --> 00:06:13.108
Ray Martin: anybody else because of the relationship we had.
00:06:13.248 --> 00:06:16.788
Ray Martin: And the idea of being just a sort of straightforward business partner with someone
00:06:16.788 --> 00:06:18.828
Ray Martin: else, just I didn't have the energy for that.
00:06:18.928 --> 00:06:22.168
Ray Martin: And it didn't appeal to me. And I thought, you know, I've been in this field for years.
00:06:22.689 --> 00:06:25.909
Ray Martin: 20 years, and I'm ready for something else.
00:06:26.089 --> 00:06:30.829
Ray Martin: I don't know what, but I'm ready to do some reflection and explore what else
00:06:30.829 --> 00:06:33.829
Ray Martin: could come next for me, but I don't want to continue down the same path.
00:06:34.389 --> 00:06:40.349
Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Now, before I get into my next question, I want to clarify,
00:06:40.749 --> 00:06:42.609
Kevin Lowe: did you guys have any children together?
00:06:43.129 --> 00:06:49.309
Ray Martin: No. That was one of the things that was certainly making our breakup up easier
00:06:49.309 --> 00:06:53.909
Ray Martin: because it was a matter of, you know, our home and our finances needing to be
00:06:53.909 --> 00:06:55.769
Ray Martin: shared. But that was pretty much it.
00:06:56.309 --> 00:06:59.769
Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Wow. So here you are 44.
00:07:00.389 --> 00:07:05.649
Kevin Lowe: You're now divorced. Business is gone. You just lost your father.
00:07:06.589 --> 00:07:13.349
Kevin Lowe: And I can't even imagine, honestly, your mindset at this point of thinking what in the world to do.
00:07:13.509 --> 00:07:20.069
Kevin Lowe: But somebody, I think it was somebody or maybe you thought of said something about a sabbatical.
00:07:20.569 --> 00:07:23.409
Ray Martin: Yeah, yeah. A good friend of mine, Julie Parker is her name.
00:07:24.429 --> 00:07:27.009
Ray Martin: She obviously knew what was going on. And she said, you know,
00:07:27.289 --> 00:07:30.529
Ray Martin: why don't you consider taking a six month sabbatical?
00:07:30.649 --> 00:07:35.029
Ray Martin: It might give you a chance to get some new inputs into your thinking.
00:07:35.049 --> 00:07:37.869
Ray Martin: If you go to a different place or somewhere different in the world,
00:07:38.109 --> 00:07:42.169
Ray Martin: you might be able to reflect on everything that's happened and see it from a
00:07:42.169 --> 00:07:43.189
Ray Martin: different perspective.
00:07:43.189 --> 00:07:46.569
Ray Martin: And you might start to get some sort of ideas
00:07:46.569 --> 00:07:49.329
Ray Martin: emerging about what's next for you and at
00:07:49.329 --> 00:07:52.269
Ray Martin: first when she said it i thought that's ridiculous i've got all these
00:07:52.269 --> 00:07:55.309
Ray Martin: bills to pay at home an expensive lifestyle to maintain
00:07:55.309 --> 00:07:58.389
Ray Martin: there's no way i'm taking six months off i can't afford to
00:07:58.389 --> 00:08:01.809
Ray Martin: i was quite resistant to the idea at first but
00:08:01.809 --> 00:08:05.749
Ray Martin: then as a bit of time passed i suddenly thought oh you know that's actually
00:08:05.749 --> 00:08:10.529
Ray Martin: it's actually quite a good idea i think that's what i'm going to do what tipped
00:08:10.529 --> 00:08:15.389
Ray Martin: me over the edge was that i went out to Australia to look after a friend who
00:08:15.389 --> 00:08:19.909
Ray Martin: was unwell who had breast cancer and I said I'd go up and stay with.
00:08:20.385 --> 00:08:22.965
Ray Martin: Her for a month and look after her while she was being treated.
00:08:23.285 --> 00:08:26.985
Ray Martin: While I was in Australia, I got offered the chance to act in a play,
00:08:27.145 --> 00:08:30.925
Ray Martin: which was something I'd never, ever done or dreamed I'd ever do in my life.
00:08:31.205 --> 00:08:37.265
Ray Martin: And the experience of doing that was so new and fresh and so outside of anything
00:08:37.265 --> 00:08:39.125
Ray Martin: I could have ever imagined I would do.
00:08:39.325 --> 00:08:43.725
Ray Martin: I loved it, to be honest, Kevin. I absolutely loved being Ray,
00:08:44.005 --> 00:08:49.365
Ray Martin: an actor in a play for two or three months in Australia instead of Ray the Businessman
00:08:49.365 --> 00:08:52.345
Ray Martin: in London, which was the character I'd been playing all my life.
00:08:52.745 --> 00:08:56.645
Ray Martin: And it just made me think completely differently because I realized in going
00:08:56.645 --> 00:09:01.345
Ray Martin: into the play and focusing on that for a couple of months, I'd actually learned
00:09:01.345 --> 00:09:04.045
Ray Martin: how to become a character that I had to play.
00:09:04.165 --> 00:09:07.685
Ray Martin: He had a certain name, he wore certain clothes, he had a certain voice,
00:09:07.945 --> 00:09:09.785
Ray Martin: certain things to say in the script.
00:09:10.525 --> 00:09:14.005
Ray Martin: And I thought, yeah, there's no difference between that character, George's name was.
00:09:14.425 --> 00:09:17.245
Ray Martin: There's no difference between George and Ray the businessman,
00:09:17.465 --> 00:09:18.765
Ray Martin: who's just as much a character.
00:09:18.945 --> 00:09:22.445
Ray Martin: I'm not... Ray the businessman is not really who I am. It's not me.
00:09:23.145 --> 00:09:27.065
Ray Martin: It's a character I play. And I thought, I don't really want to play that character
00:09:27.065 --> 00:09:29.785
Ray Martin: in life anymore, at least not for now.
00:09:30.225 --> 00:09:35.125
Ray Martin: So I decided after the play to quit and do the sabbatical because it seemed
00:09:35.125 --> 00:09:36.525
Ray Martin: like quite a good idea now.
00:09:36.705 --> 00:09:40.465
Ray Martin: Because even the period just before thinking about it, it started to crack my
00:09:40.465 --> 00:09:44.505
Ray Martin: hardened reality that there wasn't any other option wow.
00:09:44.505 --> 00:09:48.625
Kevin Lowe: That is fascinating that a
00:09:48.625 --> 00:09:54.905
Kevin Lowe: trip to go help a friend suffering from cancer leads to you doing something
00:09:54.905 --> 00:09:59.965
Kevin Lowe: you've never even done before acting in a play and then that kind of setting
00:09:59.965 --> 00:10:05.625
Kevin Lowe: off this realization of yeah i just have to change the character i'm playing
00:10:05.625 --> 00:10:08.445
Ray Martin: Yeah i mean i wrote about this story at
00:10:08.445 --> 00:10:11.205
Ray Martin: length in a book that came out a couple of years ago and
00:10:11.205 --> 00:10:14.165
Ray Martin: there's a lot more i said about it in there but
00:10:14.165 --> 00:10:17.065
Ray Martin: but essentially the idea for going to
00:10:17.065 --> 00:10:21.125
Ray Martin: see my friend in australia was because i was so depressed and
00:10:21.125 --> 00:10:23.945
Ray Martin: darkened by what was going on so stuck in the
00:10:23.945 --> 00:10:26.705
Ray Martin: mire of all of that suffering that a friend
00:10:26.705 --> 00:10:30.445
Ray Martin: of mine said to me one day do you know what ray if you can't see a way through
00:10:30.445 --> 00:10:33.805
Ray Martin: this and you're feeling bleak and can't see a way out of it one of the things
00:10:33.805 --> 00:10:39.725
Ray Martin: you could do for a while would be to find someone else and just go into service
00:10:39.725 --> 00:10:44.225
Ray Martin: 100% to them and just put all your troubles to one side and just go and help
00:10:44.225 --> 00:10:45.285
Ray Martin: someone else for a while.
00:10:45.705 --> 00:10:49.485
Ray Martin: And that might open a chink in the universe and sort of create a crack in the
00:10:49.485 --> 00:10:51.685
Ray Martin: impossibility that you're looking into.
00:10:51.865 --> 00:10:54.765
Ray Martin: And that's why I went to Australia because of that piece of advice.
00:10:54.805 --> 00:10:57.805
Ray Martin: And it was a great piece of advice. Just go and help someone else for a while.
00:10:58.325 --> 00:11:03.125
Kevin Lowe: Yeah, absolutely. So would you consider the time in Australia,
00:11:03.865 --> 00:11:08.625
Kevin Lowe: was that part of the six month sabbatical or was that prior
00:11:08.625 --> 00:11:14.245
Ray Martin: To prior prior because what that did was as i was coming back to england i decided
00:11:14.245 --> 00:11:17.305
Ray Martin: to put my house up for sale in london,
00:11:17.909 --> 00:11:24.229
Ray Martin: And what that meant was I was free of any financial burden because all the work
00:11:24.229 --> 00:11:28.149
Ray Martin: that I was doing was mainly to service the debts on the property I was living in.
00:11:29.249 --> 00:11:32.949
Ray Martin: And I didn't quite know what I thought I would do because I lived in a very big house.
00:11:33.069 --> 00:11:36.269
Ray Martin: I was married and we were going to have a family. So it was big enough to accommodate
00:11:36.269 --> 00:11:37.969
Ray Martin: all of that. But that dream had gone.
00:11:38.329 --> 00:11:42.249
Ray Martin: And so I thought, well, I'll sell my house in London and maybe trade down to
00:11:42.249 --> 00:11:45.669
Ray Martin: a smaller apartment just for myself, something small that I can,
00:11:45.809 --> 00:11:47.349
Ray Martin: I don't need so much space.
00:11:47.349 --> 00:11:50.129
Ray Martin: But i'll do that when i finish this six month
00:11:50.129 --> 00:11:52.769
Ray Martin: sabbatical i'll sell the house put the money aside and then
00:11:52.769 --> 00:11:55.589
Ray Martin: i'll buy something when i return because i don't want to do that before i go
00:11:55.589 --> 00:11:58.689
Ray Martin: i'm not quite sure where to go and that's what i planned to
00:11:58.689 --> 00:12:03.249
Ray Martin: do i still got rid of everything that was in the house i i minimalized i read
00:12:03.249 --> 00:12:08.289
Ray Martin: the book by joshua fields milburn and ryan nicodemus the minimalists i was totally
00:12:08.289 --> 00:12:13.509
Ray Martin: blown away by their take on minimalism it really fascinated me and i also read
00:12:13.509 --> 00:12:15.969
Ray Martin: a book called Stuffocation by James Warman,
00:12:16.029 --> 00:12:23.349
Ray Martin: who talked about how trends in life are changing away from values based on materialism,
00:12:23.529 --> 00:12:26.369
Ray Martin: which was the generation I grew up in as a baby boomer,
00:12:26.929 --> 00:12:30.209
Ray Martin: towards values based on experientialism was the word he used.
00:12:30.669 --> 00:12:35.409
Ray Martin: So that millennials and Gen Zs, they are valuing much more the experiences that
00:12:35.409 --> 00:12:38.289
Ray Martin: life offers rather than the material possessions that life offers.
00:12:38.669 --> 00:12:42.849
Ray Martin: And I saw I resonated with that immensely. So I left myself with just one bag
00:12:42.849 --> 00:12:47.369
Ray Martin: of clothes and a laptop after I sold my house and gave away all the stuff in it.
00:12:48.109 --> 00:12:52.089
Kevin Lowe: Wow. Did family and friends think you were out of your mind?
00:12:52.509 --> 00:12:58.709
Ray Martin: Maybe for a few seconds. And I said what my thinking was and why I was doing it.
00:12:58.829 --> 00:13:02.749
Ray Martin: I realized that, you know, it wasn't so much of a risk because I had all the
00:13:02.749 --> 00:13:05.689
Ray Martin: money from the house sale set to one side.
00:13:05.829 --> 00:13:08.789
Ray Martin: And I certainly had all the expertise and experience i'd always had
00:13:08.789 --> 00:13:12.049
Ray Martin: so i they knew i could re-enter the world of ray the
00:13:12.049 --> 00:13:16.709
Ray Martin: businessman and take up any role i wanted to if it all went wrong and so there
00:13:16.709 --> 00:13:21.849
Ray Martin: was nothing to be lost and everything to be gained because i was searching for
00:13:21.849 --> 00:13:26.729
Ray Martin: new inspiration and new insight and a new perspective so i think the risks are
00:13:26.729 --> 00:13:28.969
Ray Martin: really minimal to be honest yeah.
00:13:28.969 --> 00:13:32.469
Kevin Lowe: Yeah no i mean makes sense so here
00:13:32.469 --> 00:13:36.009
Kevin Lowe: we have ray entering kind
00:13:36.009 --> 00:13:39.949
Kevin Lowe: of ray 2.0 a new character a
00:13:39.949 --> 00:13:42.989
Kevin Lowe: new a new character in the play of life he's now
00:13:42.989 --> 00:13:49.809
Kevin Lowe: sold his house essence he burned the boats as he storms the island and there's
00:13:49.809 --> 00:13:58.889
Kevin Lowe: no turning back so how does one begin to plan out six months traveling the world
00:13:58.889 --> 00:14:00.349
Kevin Lowe: i mean what was your plan?
00:14:00.769 --> 00:14:06.089
Ray Martin: Well, I was quite lucky in that respect because around about time I made this
00:14:06.089 --> 00:14:07.709
Ray Martin: decision to take the sabbatical,
00:14:08.304 --> 00:14:12.924
Ray Martin: I'd started to have a couple of dates with someone I met in London,
00:14:12.924 --> 00:14:17.124
Ray Martin: and she was also in her own life, you know, going to live abroad,
00:14:17.364 --> 00:14:20.184
Ray Martin: but we hadn't planned to do it together initially.
00:14:20.524 --> 00:14:24.724
Ray Martin: But the more we hung out together, she had a fixed date to leave,
00:14:24.824 --> 00:14:26.924
Ray Martin: and she was leaving to go to Thailand in Asia.
00:14:27.104 --> 00:14:29.904
Ray Martin: And I sort of was saying, look, let's just hang out while you're here.
00:14:30.024 --> 00:14:33.144
Ray Martin: And the day she came to leave, I said, well, have a nice life.
00:14:33.284 --> 00:14:36.084
Ray Martin: You know, I'll see you. Well, maybe never, you know, maybe one day.
00:14:37.664 --> 00:14:40.444
Ray Martin: And and then i went off and did a couple of other things for a
00:14:40.444 --> 00:14:43.124
Ray Martin: few weeks and when i got back she was still in london and i
00:14:43.124 --> 00:14:46.624
Ray Martin: sort of said yeah why aren't you gone she said well i had some problems
00:14:46.624 --> 00:14:49.964
Ray Martin: with my apartment which i wanted to rent out but there were some plumbing issues
00:14:49.964 --> 00:14:54.344
Ray Martin: and i've had to stick behind and get them all sorted and now i'm ready to go
00:14:54.344 --> 00:14:58.784
Ray Martin: and now i am gonna go she said by the way i've been thinking a lot about you
00:14:58.784 --> 00:15:00.944
Ray Martin: and how us being together and
00:15:00.944 --> 00:15:05.124
Ray Martin: i wondered if you might be willing or interested to join me on this trip?
00:15:05.764 --> 00:15:09.424
Ray Martin: And she said, I'm scared to ask you because I feel like I hardly know you, right?
00:15:09.704 --> 00:15:13.404
Ray Martin: And I said, well, that's interesting. I feel the same. I hardly know you,
00:15:13.504 --> 00:15:16.984
Ray Martin: but something tells me it's feeling good. I said, why?
00:15:17.224 --> 00:15:21.224
Ray Martin: I've just made a decision independently to sell my house in London.
00:15:21.344 --> 00:15:25.024
Ray Martin: I think it's going to take about two or three months for that sale to go through.
00:15:25.384 --> 00:15:28.904
Ray Martin: Why don't you move into my house with me for those two or three months and we'll
00:15:28.904 --> 00:15:31.584
Ray Martin: live together and we'll find out if we're going to make it work on.
00:15:32.404 --> 00:15:35.644
Ray Martin: And it was really spontaneous and it was really risky
00:15:35.644 --> 00:15:39.944
Ray Martin: because i i but i had a good feeling i just had a good feeling and i've learned
00:15:39.944 --> 00:15:44.124
Ray Martin: from a lot of spiritual teachers when you follow that good feeling often it
00:15:44.124 --> 00:15:48.224
Ray Martin: works out really really well and that's your wisdom speaking to you i had a
00:15:48.224 --> 00:15:53.824
Ray Martin: good feeling she said yes and then the rest is history we embark then together to go to asia oh.
00:15:53.824 --> 00:15:58.104
Kevin Lowe: My goodness ray man 2.0 is going off the charts
00:15:58.104 --> 00:16:04.904
Ray Martin: It was like honestly i sometimes i some days i felt like i was in a film a movie
00:16:04.904 --> 00:16:10.864
Ray Martin: it was like it was so surreal i couldn't believe it was my actual real life yeah.
00:16:10.864 --> 00:16:19.224
Kevin Lowe: So timeline from the time that those three months we talked about in 2005 when
00:16:19.224 --> 00:16:20.384
Kevin Lowe: things started coming on Ravel.
00:16:20.624 --> 00:16:24.124
Kevin Lowe: How long before you would set off on the trip to Thailand?
00:16:24.977 --> 00:16:29.297
Ray Martin: Well, I did the trip to Australia in April of that year.
00:16:29.517 --> 00:16:30.017
Kevin Lowe: Okay.
00:16:30.317 --> 00:16:33.557
Ray Martin: And I finally sold up and left and got everything out.
00:16:33.717 --> 00:16:38.717
Ray Martin: I left on, I think it was the 14th or 15th of November to go to Thailand.
00:16:39.037 --> 00:16:44.457
Ray Martin: And the girl I was going with, she went out about a week before to get the first space set up for us.
00:16:45.137 --> 00:16:54.557
Kevin Lowe: Okay. Wow. Now, prior to this trip to Thailand, had you ever done any extensive traveling like this?
00:16:55.057 --> 00:17:00.097
Ray Martin: No, nothing. I mean, I'd been a sort of consumer of package holidays,
00:17:00.397 --> 00:17:04.237
Ray Martin: you know, where you get a flight and a hotel and you just get taken from the
00:17:04.237 --> 00:17:07.777
Ray Martin: airport to the hotel and you enjoy that and then you get shipped back to the
00:17:07.777 --> 00:17:09.277
Ray Martin: airport and maybe do a couple of tours.
00:17:09.557 --> 00:17:13.957
Ray Martin: But it's all sort of organized and laid on for you. So that was really the main
00:17:13.957 --> 00:17:19.017
Ray Martin: type of travel I'd consumed, but no independent travel, which we were really going to do,
00:17:19.257 --> 00:17:22.517
Ray Martin: where you just plan your own routes, you make your own arrangements,
00:17:22.517 --> 00:17:27.197
Ray Martin: you go, you move and change as you feel like it, and you stay longer if you
00:17:27.197 --> 00:17:28.357
Ray Martin: want to and things like that.
00:17:28.597 --> 00:17:32.637
Ray Martin: And it's budget, you know, you're staying in straw huts on a beach rather than a hotel.
00:17:33.977 --> 00:17:34.417
Kevin Lowe: Exactly.
00:17:35.817 --> 00:17:39.497
Ray Martin: That was all new. It was like being Robinson Crusoe for a while.
00:17:39.717 --> 00:17:40.677
Ray Martin: You know, it was completely new.
00:17:41.337 --> 00:17:48.077
Kevin Lowe: Absolutely. I know I, in my head, I'm like, I can't think of anywhere more opposite
00:17:48.077 --> 00:17:50.417
Kevin Lowe: than to go all the way to Thailand.
00:17:50.877 --> 00:17:54.777
Kevin Lowe: So talk to me about that experience.
00:17:54.917 --> 00:17:59.877
Kevin Lowe: You're setting off on this six month sabbatical.
00:18:00.537 --> 00:18:05.857
Kevin Lowe: You're starting off in Thailand with a new person in your life.
00:18:06.277 --> 00:18:07.657
Kevin Lowe: What was that experience?
00:18:08.197 --> 00:18:12.997
Ray Martin: Well, it was mind blowing. You know, like every day was like a massive learning
00:18:12.997 --> 00:18:16.257
Ray Martin: curve because, you know, in Thailand, the language is different.
00:18:16.377 --> 00:18:18.097
Ray Martin: The climate's different. It's humid.
00:18:19.057 --> 00:18:21.957
Ray Martin: Everything's designed in a different way. The streets, the vehicles,
00:18:22.137 --> 00:18:25.117
Ray Martin: the way that people move around, even in restaurants, you know,
00:18:25.177 --> 00:18:28.757
Ray Martin: they don't serve meals in the same way that they do in England or in America.
00:18:28.757 --> 00:18:32.777
Ray Martin: If you're in a restaurant with someone, you might get your second course first
00:18:32.777 --> 00:18:37.437
Ray Martin: while the other person gets nothing or they might get their meal before you
00:18:37.437 --> 00:18:39.837
Ray Martin: 10 minutes and they finish by the time yours arrives.
00:18:40.037 --> 00:18:42.437
Ray Martin: It's like, it's completely like, there's no...
00:18:43.044 --> 00:18:47.484
Ray Martin: All the expectations we have about how things should be just don't operate in
00:18:47.484 --> 00:18:49.804
Ray Martin: Thailand or any country in Asia for that matter.
00:18:50.004 --> 00:18:53.224
Ray Martin: I mean, unless you're in Hong Kong or Singapore, where it's a bit more westernized.
00:18:53.644 --> 00:18:58.064
Ray Martin: But a lot of it's very, very basic. And there's no ego involved.
00:18:58.064 --> 00:19:01.744
Ray Martin: So you can't sort of sit in a restaurant thinking to yourself,
00:19:02.124 --> 00:19:05.704
Ray Martin: God, don't they know who I am? Don't they realize how important I was in England?
00:19:07.384 --> 00:19:12.864
Ray Martin: You just have to be humble and just know that you're an absolute nobody. And that's how it is.
00:19:13.044 --> 00:19:17.564
Kevin Lowe: And I would almost think, though, in a sense, especially in this point in your
00:19:17.564 --> 00:19:21.084
Kevin Lowe: life, that had to almost be freeing in a way. Oh, it was.
00:19:21.184 --> 00:19:24.804
Ray Martin: Yeah. I mean, I was loving it. I love the anonymity of the life I was in.
00:19:25.104 --> 00:19:29.464
Ray Martin: I was wearing flip flops and shorts and T-shirt every day of my life.
00:19:29.604 --> 00:19:33.724
Ray Martin: I never had a shirt or a tie or a suit or any clothes at all like that.
00:19:33.864 --> 00:19:36.484
Ray Martin: I had 20 kilos of clothes for the whole of my journey.
00:19:36.744 --> 00:19:39.544
Ray Martin: And I love the simplicity and anonymity of it all.
00:19:39.644 --> 00:19:44.304
Ray Martin: And I didn't have to worry about my image at all. I mean, it was quite psychologically
00:19:44.304 --> 00:19:48.244
Ray Martin: challenging in some ways, but I loved it in the most for the most part.
00:19:48.784 --> 00:19:57.484
Kevin Lowe: Yeah. So how long would you stay in Thailand for before moving on somewhere else?
00:19:57.604 --> 00:20:00.344
Kevin Lowe: Or did you? I don't know. Maybe you stayed there the whole time.
00:20:00.784 --> 00:20:05.184
Ray Martin: Yeah, for quite a few months because it's a big country and me and Annie,
00:20:05.584 --> 00:20:07.884
Ray Martin: the lady I was traveling with, we wanted to see a lot of it.
00:20:07.884 --> 00:20:13.404
Ray Martin: So we did quite a few different trips and tours just between the two of us.
00:20:13.544 --> 00:20:18.364
Ray Martin: We even did attend a silent retreat in a Buddhist monastery,
00:20:18.564 --> 00:20:22.424
Ray Martin: a silent meditation retreat with Buddhist monks in what's known as a Vipassana
00:20:22.424 --> 00:20:27.844
Ray Martin: retreat, because after four or five months of being abroad, I was in paradise
00:20:27.844 --> 00:20:32.824
Ray Martin: physically, but inside myself, emotionally, I was still feeling a bit of a wreck.
00:20:32.944 --> 00:20:37.704
Ray Martin: I felt guilty about being a crappy husband. I felt a lot of shame about the
00:20:37.704 --> 00:20:39.324
Ray Martin: failure of my life that I'd left.
00:20:39.744 --> 00:20:44.884
Ray Martin: I felt scared about the future, very anxious that I wouldn't be secure financially and things like that.
00:20:45.104 --> 00:20:48.964
Ray Martin: So I had a lot going on inside me that was troubling me. But when I spoke to
00:20:48.964 --> 00:20:52.484
Ray Martin: other travelers about it, one or two said to me, have you ever thought of doing
00:20:52.484 --> 00:20:54.384
Ray Martin: a meditation retreat like a vipassana?
00:20:54.704 --> 00:20:57.124
Ray Martin: And I said, I don't even know what a vipassana is. And they said,
00:20:57.184 --> 00:21:00.924
Ray Martin: well, you go into the monastery, you sit with the monks, you do silent meditations
00:21:00.924 --> 00:21:04.464
Ray Martin: for 10 days, and they teach you about the Dharma, which is the Buddhist teachings.
00:21:04.464 --> 00:21:07.524
Ray Martin: They said I think it could really work for you I think you'd get a lot from
00:21:07.524 --> 00:21:11.944
Ray Martin: it and so in the end I decided to go for that and it changed my life doing that,
00:21:12.544 --> 00:21:13.804
Ray Martin: absolutely was a game changer.
00:21:14.661 --> 00:21:20.661
Kevin Lowe: Okay, you're going to have to tell me more about this because I'm very intrigued
00:21:20.661 --> 00:21:26.721
Kevin Lowe: and also very confused about a 10-day silent meditation retreat.
00:21:26.941 --> 00:21:34.601
Kevin Lowe: What is involved besides my envision of you just sitting like cross-legged in silence?
00:21:35.421 --> 00:21:39.421
Ray Martin: Well, you're basically there to learn. That's the really fundamental thing.
00:21:39.581 --> 00:21:44.221
Ray Martin: It's a learning experience. And so what you're learning is external information
00:21:44.221 --> 00:21:45.921
Ray Martin: in the form of Dharma talks.
00:21:46.201 --> 00:21:51.301
Ray Martin: So one time each day, one of the monks, only one of the monks will speak to
00:21:51.301 --> 00:21:56.921
Ray Martin: the group and impart wisdom and teachings from the Buddhist texts and explain
00:21:56.921 --> 00:21:59.201
Ray Martin: different parts of their principles and thinking.
00:21:59.501 --> 00:22:04.581
Ray Martin: So you're being taught about life. And so, for example, one of the things that
00:22:04.581 --> 00:22:08.101
Ray Martin: I was taught about, which has massively influenced how I think ever since and
00:22:08.101 --> 00:22:11.141
Ray Martin: still does, is what the Buddhists call the cycle of craving.
00:22:11.481 --> 00:22:15.701
Ray Martin: Because in the Buddhist way of looking at life, life contains suffering.
00:22:15.901 --> 00:22:17.321
Ray Martin: Suffering is a part of life.
00:22:17.581 --> 00:22:21.641
Ray Martin: And we create our own suffering because in our thinking mind,
00:22:21.841 --> 00:22:25.161
Ray Martin: which is where most of us live most of the time, in our thinking mind.
00:22:25.381 --> 00:22:29.801
Ray Martin: We think about how we think life should be.
00:22:29.801 --> 00:22:32.881
Ray Martin: We have expectations of things we would desire
00:22:32.881 --> 00:22:36.081
Ray Martin: how life should be and yet at the same moment
00:22:36.081 --> 00:22:39.681
Ray Martin: we look at our actual real life in that moment and realize that
00:22:39.681 --> 00:22:42.441
Ray Martin: our life as we see it is not as
00:22:42.441 --> 00:22:45.241
Ray Martin: it should be or what we expect and there's a gap and the
00:22:45.241 --> 00:22:48.461
Ray Martin: gap between what we expect and what's actually really happening
00:22:48.461 --> 00:22:51.321
Ray Martin: that gap creates suffering a
00:22:51.321 --> 00:22:54.201
Ray Martin: feeling of suffering like a hole in yourself that you can't
00:22:54.201 --> 00:22:57.341
Ray Martin: fill and people try and fill that hole through all
00:22:57.341 --> 00:23:00.561
Ray Martin: sorts of things you know drugs tea coffee beer alcohol
00:23:00.561 --> 00:23:03.761
Ray Martin: shopping working a lot but everyone who's
00:23:03.761 --> 00:23:06.661
Ray Martin: in that sort of discomfort in that gap is
00:23:06.661 --> 00:23:10.221
Ray Martin: trying to fill that gap make that feeling go away and then
00:23:10.221 --> 00:23:12.981
Ray Martin: something you get some let's say you get a new relationship a new
00:23:12.981 --> 00:23:15.841
Ray Martin: boyfriend or a new girlfriend or some some new
00:23:15.841 --> 00:23:18.521
Ray Martin: car or something like that for a few minutes or a few
00:23:18.521 --> 00:23:21.521
Ray Martin: days the suffering stops you've got what the
00:23:21.521 --> 00:23:24.221
Ray Martin: buddhists call temporary cessation so it stops for.
00:23:24.221 --> 00:23:27.101
Ray Martin: A bit and then that the effects of that start to wear off and
00:23:27.101 --> 00:23:30.281
Ray Martin: so you start clinging to finding something else which will
00:23:30.281 --> 00:23:33.421
Ray Martin: then take the suffering away and then you have new desires and
00:23:33.421 --> 00:23:36.121
Ray Martin: a new cycle of suffering begins and so it's called the cycle of
00:23:36.121 --> 00:23:38.881
Ray Martin: suffering and we're all subject to it every single one
00:23:38.881 --> 00:23:42.501
Ray Martin: of us and i didn't i wasn't aware of that i was i was what they call ignorant
00:23:42.501 --> 00:23:47.721
Ray Martin: ignorant you know not seeing it basically i didn't have this understanding of
00:23:47.721 --> 00:23:53.001
Ray Martin: life before i did the meditation retreat and when it came out i had that understanding
00:23:53.001 --> 00:23:56.481
Ray Martin: and many many others that they taught us as well and it really started to shift.
00:23:56.561 --> 00:23:58.621
Ray Martin: How I was thinking about life and me in it.
00:23:59.528 --> 00:24:01.048
Ray Martin: Wow that explains it.
00:24:01.048 --> 00:24:08.268
Kevin Lowe: Yeah no i mean i think that's fascinating now what was kind of the outcome after those 10 days
00:24:08.268 --> 00:24:12.208
Ray Martin: Well first of all i felt hugely calm
00:24:12.208 --> 00:24:14.928
Ray Martin: inside my own mind so when i went into the
00:24:14.928 --> 00:24:19.368
Ray Martin: monastery on day one if i had a volume knob on the side of my head for the thoughts
00:24:19.368 --> 00:24:23.728
Ray Martin: the crazy agitated thoughts in my mind it would have been a nine out of ten
00:24:23.728 --> 00:24:27.208
Ray Martin: you know very loud very noisy and then when i came out it would have been a
00:24:27.208 --> 00:24:30.508
Ray Martin: one or two out of ten so it's like someone had literally turned the volume down
00:24:30.508 --> 00:24:33.168
Ray Martin: of my crazy thinking, my agitated thinking.
00:24:33.328 --> 00:24:36.608
Ray Martin: So I felt very calm, very grounded, very peaceful.
00:24:36.888 --> 00:24:44.488
Ray Martin: And it created in me a desire to build on and continue my mindfulness practice and develop that.
00:24:44.708 --> 00:24:47.888
Ray Martin: So then I was looking for a place where I could go and stay for a while,
00:24:48.008 --> 00:24:49.968
Ray Martin: where I could regularly meditate in a group.
00:24:50.208 --> 00:24:53.168
Ray Martin: And I chose a place called Chiang Mai in the north of Thailand,
00:24:53.688 --> 00:24:58.008
Ray Martin: which I knew had places like that. And I joined the mindful community and started
00:24:58.008 --> 00:25:01.928
Ray Martin: to meditate every week with them to develop and build on my own practice.
00:25:02.188 --> 00:25:03.168
Ray Martin: That's what happened next.
00:25:03.728 --> 00:25:10.148
Kevin Lowe: Wow. Wow. Amazing. So I guess what I'm kind of wondering is,
00:25:10.328 --> 00:25:13.348
Kevin Lowe: I mean, six months can pass pretty quickly.
00:25:13.868 --> 00:25:21.288
Kevin Lowe: And me knowing the little bit of the behind the scenes, at some point in time,
00:25:21.628 --> 00:25:25.068
Kevin Lowe: six months turned into 14 years.
00:25:25.648 --> 00:25:27.028
Ray Martin: Yeah, that's right.
00:25:27.448 --> 00:25:32.968
Kevin Lowe: So what was the point when you realized I'm not done?
00:25:33.448 --> 00:25:37.828
Ray Martin: Yeah, I think it was after the end of the first six or seven months.
00:25:37.948 --> 00:25:42.288
Ray Martin: I knew I wanted to stay longer and I didn't quite know how long or what was
00:25:42.288 --> 00:25:45.548
Ray Martin: keeping it apart from this desire to keep growing and learning.
00:25:46.188 --> 00:25:50.288
Ray Martin: And I had no kids in England, no property to look after, no stuff to look after,
00:25:50.288 --> 00:25:52.568
Ray Martin: no job. I was self-employed, so no job.
00:25:52.768 --> 00:25:55.368
Ray Martin: So I had nothing to rush back for, literally nothing at all.
00:25:55.468 --> 00:25:56.868
Ray Martin: To come back to England for.
00:25:57.228 --> 00:25:59.548
Ray Martin: And so I just decided to continue. And then...
00:26:00.122 --> 00:26:05.542
Ray Martin: Life took on a sort of – life flowed in its own way.
00:26:05.682 --> 00:26:09.582
Ray Martin: Like, for example, about after one year, I got taken to a place called the Elephant
00:26:09.582 --> 00:26:15.702
Ray Martin: Nature Park in Thailand where they rescue elephants that are injured or distressed
00:26:15.702 --> 00:26:19.082
Ray Martin: and they give them a new home in the wild again and look after them.
00:26:19.142 --> 00:26:22.862
Ray Martin: It's a beautiful place. I've written much about it in my book. It's just lovely.
00:26:23.162 --> 00:26:25.922
Ray Martin: And I was very moved by seeing the work they were doing there,
00:26:25.962 --> 00:26:27.282
Ray Martin: which they were doing on a shoestring.
00:26:27.282 --> 00:26:30.462
Ray Martin: You know, they had no government funding, no budget or anything.
00:26:30.662 --> 00:26:33.762
Ray Martin: And they're relying totally on donations. And I started to think,
00:26:33.902 --> 00:26:37.742
Ray Martin: God, I wish I could do something to help them raise money because that would really help them.
00:26:38.082 --> 00:26:41.282
Ray Martin: And then I did some trekking in the Himalayas in Nepal.
00:26:41.462 --> 00:26:46.422
Ray Martin: And I came across an orphanage in Pokhara where I organized a picnic for about 60 kids.
00:26:46.502 --> 00:26:51.262
Ray Martin: And I saw the light that that brought to their lives, just spending $20 and
00:26:51.262 --> 00:26:52.842
Ray Martin: organizing a picnic for an afternoon.
00:26:53.282 --> 00:26:56.702
Ray Martin: And they started to make me think, gosh, you know, I wish I could do more for them.
00:26:56.702 --> 00:27:00.042
Ray Martin: Look at this you know what what could they do if they could get everyone
00:27:00.042 --> 00:27:03.162
Ray Martin: here a place in a good school and stuff like this and
00:27:03.162 --> 00:27:06.042
Ray Martin: i started to have all these thoughts about what i could do and then
00:27:06.042 --> 00:27:08.882
Ray Martin: by chance on my travels i met somebody called
00:27:08.882 --> 00:27:12.062
Ray Martin: matt campbell an englishman who was living in thailand
00:27:12.062 --> 00:27:15.262
Ray Martin: with his wife and kids and he'd run six
00:27:15.262 --> 00:27:17.922
Ray Martin: marathons he was about 10 years younger than me and i said what's it
00:27:17.922 --> 00:27:20.882
Ray Martin: like running a marathon he told me and as he was describing it
00:27:20.882 --> 00:27:24.322
Ray Martin: kevin i was my body was tingling with excitement and
00:27:24.322 --> 00:27:27.162
Ray Martin: curiosity i knew that my body was telling
00:27:27.162 --> 00:27:30.362
Ray Martin: me there's something in this so i'm curious about this and
00:27:30.362 --> 00:27:33.902
Ray Martin: so i listened carefully and i then i said to him look i've been trying to rack
00:27:33.902 --> 00:27:36.842
Ray Martin: my brains to think of something i could do to raise money i said do you think
00:27:36.842 --> 00:27:40.862
Ray Martin: i could do you think i could run a marathon matt he said have you run before
00:27:40.862 --> 00:27:46.242
Ray Martin: i said no never not even he said well he looked at me physically and he said
00:27:46.242 --> 00:27:49.902
Ray Martin: well you look quite fit And I guess you probably could,
00:27:49.982 --> 00:27:52.662
Ray Martin: but I'll tell you what, I know why you're asking me.
00:27:52.702 --> 00:27:56.142
Ray Martin: I mean, if you decide to stay here in Chiang Mai for six months,
00:27:56.282 --> 00:27:59.642
Ray Martin: I promise I will train you to run a marathon if you want to do that.
00:27:59.782 --> 00:28:03.622
Ray Martin: But you've got to stay here so I can work with you closely and we'll do it together.
00:28:03.862 --> 00:28:07.082
Ray Martin: And I said, okay. I shook his hand and said, I'm going to do that.
00:28:07.162 --> 00:28:11.962
Ray Martin: And so I started a fundraising foundation called the Calling All Angels Foundation.
00:28:11.962 --> 00:28:14.942
Ray Martin: I started to train for my first marathon which
00:28:14.942 --> 00:28:18.402
Ray Martin: i ran in new york in 2009 and i
00:28:18.402 --> 00:28:21.202
Ray Martin: managed to raise fifteen thousand dollars in
00:28:21.202 --> 00:28:26.682
Ray Martin: donations from that effort wow and i took it and i took that money and split
00:28:26.682 --> 00:28:30.642
Ray Martin: it between the elephant nature park the orphanage in nepal and a cancer charity
00:28:30.642 --> 00:28:34.902
Ray Martin: and i i went back to those places in person with their share of the money and
00:28:34.902 --> 00:28:39.722
Ray Martin: distributed it and used it to buy building supplies and get school fixed and buy computers and,
00:28:40.282 --> 00:28:43.362
Ray Martin: And this was all made up off my own back. I was doing it purely alone.
00:28:43.362 --> 00:28:45.942
Ray Martin: I had no team, no staff, no admin or anything.
00:28:46.102 --> 00:28:48.982
Ray Martin: I was literally doing it all myself. It took me two years to do that.
00:28:49.622 --> 00:28:58.962
Kevin Lowe: Wow. Do you realize in the story, just let's set aside the amazing fact of the
00:28:58.962 --> 00:29:02.622
Kevin Lowe: money that you were able to raise and then give to these different organizations.
00:29:02.622 --> 00:29:11.582
Kevin Lowe: But i couldn't help but think of the most wild thing of you decide that you're
00:29:11.582 --> 00:29:16.082
Kevin Lowe: going to run a marathon which is like who does that then you you start training
00:29:16.082 --> 00:29:20.822
Kevin Lowe: in somewhere like thailand and yet your first marathon is in new york
00:29:20.822 --> 00:29:23.762
Ray Martin: City yeah i tell you there's always a reason behind these
00:29:23.762 --> 00:29:27.222
Ray Martin: choices you know it's funny isn't it because in 2007
00:29:27.222 --> 00:29:30.102
Ray Martin: which was two years before i even met Matt
00:29:30.102 --> 00:29:35.122
Ray Martin: Campbell I happened to go to New York for a week to visit a friend okay and
00:29:35.122 --> 00:29:39.922
Ray Martin: we were walking around Central Park and it just happened to be the weekend of
00:29:39.922 --> 00:29:42.862
Ray Martin: the New York Marathon I didn't go for that reason it just happened to be on
00:29:42.862 --> 00:29:47.062
Ray Martin: and so at that time there was a British athlete called Paula Radcliffe who was
00:29:47.062 --> 00:29:49.202
Ray Martin: the world record holder of the marathon for women,
00:29:49.762 --> 00:29:52.462
Ray Martin: and she was from the UK and I said and my friend's from
00:29:52.462 --> 00:29:55.222
Ray Martin: the UK as well so I we said should we go into
00:29:55.222 --> 00:29:58.102
Ray Martin: the central park and watch paula radcliffe sort of take the tape
00:29:58.102 --> 00:30:00.782
Ray Martin: and finish the race it would be really exciting to do
00:30:00.782 --> 00:30:03.622
Ray Martin: we said yeah let's do that so we went there we sort of
00:30:03.622 --> 00:30:06.862
Ray Martin: got a place in the crowd and watched her finish and my
00:30:06.862 --> 00:30:09.942
Ray Martin: friend angie said to me do you think you'd ever run the marathon ray
00:30:09.942 --> 00:30:12.722
Ray Martin: i said no chance i said but if i did it would
00:30:12.722 --> 00:30:15.622
Ray Martin: have to be this one because this is the biggest marathon in the world
00:30:15.622 --> 00:30:18.702
Ray Martin: and i was standing there and i was feeling the
00:30:18.702 --> 00:30:22.502
Ray Martin: excitement of it i said i'm never i'm not going to run a marathon but if i ever
00:30:22.502 --> 00:30:27.062
Ray Martin: do it would be this one or i wouldn't bother so when matt campbell said to me
00:30:27.062 --> 00:30:30.622
Ray Martin: i'll train you to run a marathon he said what marathon do you want to take part
00:30:30.622 --> 00:30:33.662
Ray Martin: in right you know where would you like to do it i said that this is going to
00:30:33.662 --> 00:30:38.682
Ray Martin: sound ridiculous honestly i feel silly even saying it but i'd really like to do new york.
00:30:39.562 --> 00:30:44.622
Ray Martin: He said okay he said well you're going to have to go in the ballot because you
00:30:44.622 --> 00:30:48.782
Ray Martin: can only get a place in the ballot by luck you know by draw and so i put my
00:30:48.782 --> 00:30:51.302
Ray Martin: name in the ballot and i got a place first time.
00:30:51.542 --> 00:30:55.842
Ray Martin: And I knew that was a confirmation signal. And I write a lot about confirmation
00:30:55.842 --> 00:30:59.382
Ray Martin: signals in my book because this is something that started to,
00:30:59.562 --> 00:31:03.342
Ray Martin: I realized life gives you these confirmation signals that you're on the right track.
00:31:03.542 --> 00:31:07.282
Ray Martin: And so I got a place in the New York Marathon and then my brother stepped in
00:31:07.282 --> 00:31:11.482
Ray Martin: because he worked for British Airways and they managed to get me like a kind
00:31:11.482 --> 00:31:15.782
Ray Martin: of really super deal for some tickets to New York on the airline,
00:31:15.962 --> 00:31:20.122
Ray Martin: which meant I could just divert all the funds to the causes I was raising for.
00:31:20.402 --> 00:31:23.722
Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Wow. Absolutely fascinating.
00:31:24.382 --> 00:31:24.862
Ray Martin: Yeah.
00:31:25.362 --> 00:31:33.822
Kevin Lowe: So when you run the marathon, New York City Marathon, you raise $15,000.
00:31:34.362 --> 00:31:34.922
Ray Martin: Yes.
00:31:35.302 --> 00:31:39.222
Kevin Lowe: And then you take that, you go back to these different places.
00:31:40.282 --> 00:31:46.722
Kevin Lowe: How did that moment impact how you viewed success?
00:31:47.482 --> 00:31:54.442
Ray Martin: Oh, that's a really great question. I've sort of seen success as being target-driven
00:31:54.442 --> 00:31:59.082
Ray Martin: type achievements, you know, achieving certain revenues and profit margins in
00:31:59.082 --> 00:32:02.202
Ray Martin: the business and things like that and having a certain status.
00:32:02.462 --> 00:32:07.362
Ray Martin: But what was really great about these projects was that I was feeling successful
00:32:07.362 --> 00:32:11.742
Ray Martin: every night I went to bed because every day that I was doing this,
00:32:11.922 --> 00:32:16.822
Ray Martin: I was feeling that my life was really worthwhile and I was living out a purpose that was of meaning.
00:32:17.242 --> 00:32:20.162
Ray Martin: And so I felt successful every day of my life.
00:32:20.262 --> 00:32:23.402
Ray Martin: And going to bed, I put my head on the pillow thinking, I'm the happiest man
00:32:23.402 --> 00:32:26.102
Ray Martin: in the world. I don't need, it's not about money.
00:32:26.562 --> 00:32:31.142
Ray Martin: I was just so happy and it started to make me sort of think a lot about the
00:32:31.142 --> 00:32:33.422
Ray Martin: meaning of success and what it does mean.
00:32:33.462 --> 00:32:37.442
Ray Martin: And I came to the realization that the richness in life I was experiencing was
00:32:37.442 --> 00:32:40.562
Ray Martin: not to do with how much money I had, which had been the main driver,
00:32:40.742 --> 00:32:45.862
Ray Martin: it was to do with how much free time I had to use it in a way that was meaningful to me.
00:32:46.202 --> 00:32:50.222
Ray Martin: And I really was really making that distinction clear for me.
00:32:50.662 --> 00:32:54.742
Ray Martin: I thought the rich man is the man who has a hundred percent discretion over
00:32:54.742 --> 00:32:55.902
Ray Martin: what he does with his time.
00:32:56.542 --> 00:33:02.042
Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Yeah. I love it so much. It kind of, it boils down to almost freedom.
00:33:02.482 --> 00:33:06.122
Ray Martin: Yeah. Freedom. Yeah. That's, that's what to me, what being successful is.
00:33:06.122 --> 00:33:11.422
Ray Martin: Yeah absolutely that doesn't mean you don't do anything to help anyone it just
00:33:11.422 --> 00:33:15.742
Ray Martin: means if that's what you really want to do you can do that as much as you want exactly.
00:33:15.742 --> 00:33:19.162
Kevin Lowe: Exactly powerful powerful wow yeah
00:33:19.162 --> 00:33:22.342
Kevin Lowe: so amazing so to kind
00:33:22.342 --> 00:33:26.062
Kevin Lowe: of i don't even know i i
00:33:26.062 --> 00:33:32.382
Kevin Lowe: started to say to summarize 14 years span of your life what what other kind
00:33:32.382 --> 00:33:39.342
Kevin Lowe: of destinations or experiences adventures moments kind of a stand out that maybe
00:33:39.342 --> 00:33:42.842
Kevin Lowe: we could touch on over the rest of this time traveling
00:33:42.842 --> 00:33:48.242
Ray Martin: Yeah sure i mean i still continue to travel but each time i traveled now there
00:33:48.242 --> 00:33:53.122
Ray Martin: was some reason for doing it so the distribution of the funds from that marathon
00:33:53.122 --> 00:33:55.902
Ray Martin: took me to the sort of midway through 2010 2010.
00:33:56.282 --> 00:33:59.362
Ray Martin: So by now, I've been about five years since I left England.
00:33:59.762 --> 00:34:05.162
Ray Martin: And I loved doing it all. And I hadn't earned any money for myself for five
00:34:05.162 --> 00:34:07.042
Ray Martin: years. I'd just been living off my savings.
00:34:07.462 --> 00:34:12.002
Ray Martin: And I saw that in 2008, with the global financial crisis, that I started to
00:34:12.002 --> 00:34:15.482
Ray Martin: have some fear again about having enough money personally and stuff like that.
00:34:15.542 --> 00:34:19.302
Ray Martin: So I thought, I need to engage with the world of work again,
00:34:19.522 --> 00:34:22.882
Ray Martin: just a little, not full time, but I need to earn some money.
00:34:22.882 --> 00:34:28.122
Ray Martin: And so after the 2010, I started to think that I'd like to dip my toe back in the world of business.
00:34:28.913 --> 00:34:32.273
Ray Martin: And I wanted to do some coaching, which is the kind of work I did in England,
00:34:32.353 --> 00:34:33.573
Ray Martin: but I wanted to do it in Asia.
00:34:33.813 --> 00:34:39.093
Ray Martin: And you'll laugh, but in 2010, I really wanted to find a way of doing it virtually over Skype.
00:34:39.553 --> 00:34:42.813
Ray Martin: I didn't want to do it in person and sit in a room with someone because you
00:34:42.813 --> 00:34:45.873
Ray Martin: have to travel and you needed business clothes for that and things like that.
00:34:46.013 --> 00:34:50.033
Ray Martin: So I kind of wrote down, I suppose, a prayer, if you want to call it something.
00:34:50.193 --> 00:34:52.593
Ray Martin: I wrote down a description of what I was looking for on a piece of paper,
00:34:52.933 --> 00:34:55.893
Ray Martin: just sort of stuck it on the wall and we pray in front of it each night saying,
00:34:56.073 --> 00:34:58.073
Ray Martin: universe, universe, help me with this.
00:34:58.073 --> 00:35:00.833
Ray Martin: And i wrote on linkedin to a couple of people to
00:35:00.833 --> 00:35:03.693
Ray Martin: say i'm trying to find this would you help me and one wrote back and
00:35:03.693 --> 00:35:07.993
Ray Martin: said i'm going to connect you with this guy warrapat in bangkok he's the best
00:35:07.993 --> 00:35:12.313
Ray Martin: person to speak to and they did and i called him he said are you down in bangkok
00:35:12.313 --> 00:35:15.793
Ray Martin: in the next week or two i said by chance i was i said yeah he said come and
00:35:15.793 --> 00:35:19.673
Ray Martin: see me so i did he said i talked to him he asked me lots of questions and he
00:35:19.673 --> 00:35:22.773
Ray Martin: said i think i know someone who's the right person to connect you with.
00:35:23.113 --> 00:35:26.253
Ray Martin: He connected me with a lady called Danielle Marchant in Singapore,
00:35:26.253 --> 00:35:31.333
Ray Martin: who had just opened a new coaching business from the UK, but in Singapore.
00:35:31.693 --> 00:35:35.133
Ray Martin: She said, Ray, we've got loads of clients in Asia. That's not a problem.
00:35:35.333 --> 00:35:40.793
Ray Martin: But we don't have enough coaches here in Asia. And we'd love to have you on the team.
00:35:40.853 --> 00:35:43.313
Ray Martin: And she said, but there's one thing I need to tell you. I don't think you're
00:35:43.313 --> 00:35:44.473
Ray Martin: going to like it, Ray. I said, what?
00:35:44.813 --> 00:35:47.693
Ray Martin: She said, we're not going to do coaching face to facing our
00:35:47.693 --> 00:35:51.793
Ray Martin: business we're only going to do it virtually using skype i said
00:35:51.793 --> 00:35:54.953
Ray Martin: i said you've got to be kidding me i tell me punch
00:35:54.953 --> 00:35:58.813
Ray Martin: me tell me this is real because i didn't tell her this she just said that's
00:35:58.813 --> 00:36:03.233
Ray Martin: what they're going to do i said i can't believe it because i'd said to her that
00:36:03.233 --> 00:36:05.853
Ray Martin: i only wanted to work you're gonna i feel embarrassed admitting this to your
00:36:05.853 --> 00:36:10.513
Ray Martin: listeners i said i only want to work 20 hours a month not a week 20 hours a
00:36:10.513 --> 00:36:14.073
Ray Martin: month and she said that's no problem we'll take All 20.
00:36:14.653 --> 00:36:21.233
Kevin Lowe: Wow. Wow. Amazing how the pieces can fall into place.
00:36:21.693 --> 00:36:25.773
Ray Martin: Yeah, I found that. That's one of the, when I wrote the book about this journey,
00:36:26.073 --> 00:36:29.893
Ray Martin: my editors who are brilliant, they said, could you summarize in the last chapter
00:36:29.893 --> 00:36:32.153
Ray Martin: the wisdom that you've learned from this entire journey?
00:36:32.333 --> 00:36:34.393
Ray Martin: Because we really want to know what that is.
00:36:35.232 --> 00:36:40.032
Ray Martin: And one of the things that I realized is that when you literally start living
00:36:40.032 --> 00:36:43.392
Ray Martin: in alignment with your values, your truth, and doing things honestly,
00:36:43.692 --> 00:36:47.972
Ray Martin: what you think other people want to hear about saying honestly what you really actually want,
00:36:48.332 --> 00:36:51.412
Ray Martin: no matter how embarrassing that is, like in my case, 20 hours a month.
00:36:51.612 --> 00:36:55.612
Ray Martin: If you start actually admitting and living honestly, according to those values
00:36:55.612 --> 00:37:00.752
Ray Martin: and principles, the universe gives you way more luck and serendipity than you
00:37:00.752 --> 00:37:02.192
Ray Martin: ever would have without it.
00:37:02.892 --> 00:37:06.972
Ray Martin: I've noticed that. It's just like lots of things start falling into place that
00:37:06.972 --> 00:37:09.112
Ray Martin: you can't go. How is that possible?
00:37:09.232 --> 00:37:12.652
Ray Martin: That's just a fluke. How could that happen? It happens for me a lot.
00:37:13.272 --> 00:37:20.032
Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Wow. So you get started coaching. How was that experience for you?
00:37:20.512 --> 00:37:23.732
Ray Martin: Oh, I loved it. I absolutely loved it because I'd been coaching in the UK,
00:37:23.732 --> 00:37:25.492
Ray Martin: but I hadn't done any for five years.
00:37:25.872 --> 00:37:30.552
Ray Martin: But I had a lot of experience as a business leader. So I had a lot to offer
00:37:30.552 --> 00:37:33.572
Ray Martin: and a lot of value to bring to people in the business leadership roles.
00:37:33.572 --> 00:37:36.372
Ray Martin: I was helping so and I just really enjoyed the
00:37:36.372 --> 00:37:39.252
Ray Martin: routines and the disciplines of doing some work you
00:37:39.252 --> 00:37:42.272
Ray Martin: know because you know that your mind does go a bit soft around
00:37:42.272 --> 00:37:45.372
Ray Martin: those things if you don't do any and uh and I
00:37:45.372 --> 00:37:48.352
Ray Martin: also liked when I was in the team of coaches that
00:37:48.352 --> 00:37:51.052
Ray Martin: I was virtually a part of I was hanging out with
00:37:51.052 --> 00:37:54.132
Ray Martin: bright smart interesting learned people so
00:37:54.132 --> 00:37:56.812
Ray Martin: I was always learning things hearing things that
00:37:56.812 --> 00:37:59.532
Ray Martin: were interesting I you know I love being part of good
00:37:59.532 --> 00:38:02.312
Ray Martin: teams and good communities and it helps me to
00:38:02.312 --> 00:38:07.852
Ray Martin: grow helps me stay relevant and learn new stuff so i loved it to be honest and
00:38:07.852 --> 00:38:12.972
Ray Martin: i was traveling around asia for various training events and workshops that i
00:38:12.972 --> 00:38:17.692
Ray Martin: got invited to by the company to learn more so i was now traveling around asia
00:38:17.692 --> 00:38:20.852
Ray Martin: but now it's being paid to be traveling it was great yeah.
00:38:20.852 --> 00:38:27.232
Kevin Lowe: Wow absolutely incredible now i read something and i'm wondering if this ties
00:38:27.232 --> 00:38:34.052
Kevin Lowe: into your role as a coach is that you described yourself as a torchbearer for human consciousness.
00:38:34.552 --> 00:38:38.752
Ray Martin: Yeah it's once I got asked a question one time I can't remember who it was now,
00:38:39.464 --> 00:38:42.984
Ray Martin: And they said, you know, if you had to describe your purpose for being here,
00:38:43.104 --> 00:38:46.604
Ray Martin: because purpose is for me is like, why are we born in this incarnation?
00:38:46.804 --> 00:38:47.664
Ray Martin: Why are we actually here?
00:38:47.884 --> 00:38:50.024
Ray Martin: What have we put on planet Earth to do?
00:38:50.344 --> 00:38:54.204
Ray Martin: And no matter what I've done in my life, there's one thread that runs through
00:38:54.204 --> 00:38:57.684
Ray Martin: everything. I was the same at school and afterwards in all the jobs I've done.
00:38:57.904 --> 00:39:02.984
Ray Martin: I've always been someone who's interested in how you can get the best out of yourself and others.
00:39:03.104 --> 00:39:06.884
Ray Martin: So it's always been of interest to me. And the more I become more conscious
00:39:06.884 --> 00:39:11.564
Ray Martin: and aware and self-reflected on who I am as a person and what fundamentally
00:39:11.564 --> 00:39:17.524
Ray Martin: drives me, the more consciousness I've gained about myself, the more I feel happier and contented.
00:39:17.644 --> 00:39:22.404
Ray Martin: And so whenever I meet people, I feel like I'm encouraging them to do the same.
00:39:22.404 --> 00:39:26.384
Ray Martin: So I'm a kind of torchbearer for the idea of being more conscious about yourself.
00:39:26.644 --> 00:39:32.244
Kevin Lowe: Yeah, I absolutely love that description of yourself. I think that's amazing.
00:39:32.504 --> 00:39:42.184
Kevin Lowe: So powerful. so i guess my my next question is you end up living this sabbatical
00:39:42.184 --> 00:39:51.324
Kevin Lowe: type lifestyle traveling doing this for a total of 14 years yeah how do you decide to stop
00:39:51.324 --> 00:39:58.624
Ray Martin: It's a great question well first of all in 2011 i was told by my guidance from
00:39:58.624 --> 00:40:02.624
Ray Martin: the universe in a very funny way i was basically getting this message from the universe,
00:40:02.644 --> 00:40:06.384
Ray Martin: which is I needed to write a book about the journey, even though I was still in it.
00:40:06.704 --> 00:40:09.844
Ray Martin: Because lots of people who I met kept saying to me, you'll laugh this,
00:40:10.084 --> 00:40:12.884
Ray Martin: but they'd sit down with me for a cup of tea or a beer or something.
00:40:13.044 --> 00:40:16.264
Ray Martin: And they'd say, how did you start this? And I'd tell them the stories I've told you.
00:40:16.504 --> 00:40:18.984
Ray Martin: And they'd always say, wow, it's fascinating listening.
00:40:19.344 --> 00:40:22.904
Ray Martin: They said, if you ever write a book about this, would you tell me?
00:40:23.044 --> 00:40:25.844
Ray Martin: Here's my email address. I'd really like to know because if you do write a book,
00:40:26.004 --> 00:40:27.224
Ray Martin: I'm definitely going to read it.
00:40:27.384 --> 00:40:30.364
Ray Martin: And I used to laugh and say, oh, you're kidding. no i'm
00:40:30.364 --> 00:40:33.064
Ray Martin: not doing any of this to write a book that's not my intention i'm just
00:40:33.064 --> 00:40:36.004
Ray Martin: doing this for me but after about 50 people
00:40:36.004 --> 00:40:38.984
Ray Martin: said that i thought i can
00:40:38.984 --> 00:40:41.684
Ray Martin: tell i'm getting this message over and over i need to
00:40:41.684 --> 00:40:45.604
Ray Martin: write and start writing a book and as i was thinking that i found on facebook
00:40:45.604 --> 00:40:50.324
Ray Martin: some big shot from new york a literary superstar was coming to chiang mai for
00:40:50.324 --> 00:40:54.264
Ray Martin: five days to run a five-day writer's course and i contacted her and said can
00:40:54.264 --> 00:40:58.204
Ray Martin: i can i do this and she said yeah it's fine i knew that was a confirmation signal
00:40:58.204 --> 00:40:59.324
Ray Martin: I was meant to be on that course.
00:40:59.504 --> 00:41:05.084
Ray Martin: And so in about 2015, after I went on that course, I started writing the manuscript properly.
00:41:05.344 --> 00:41:10.024
Ray Martin: And then I was halfway through the book, and by now I was living in Warsaw in
00:41:10.024 --> 00:41:13.944
Ray Martin: Poland because I'd met someone from Poland who I sort of fell in love with,
00:41:14.104 --> 00:41:17.964
Ray Martin: and we were living together in an apartment in Warsaw, writing those days.
00:41:17.984 --> 00:41:21.064
Ray Martin: And then that relationship came to an end after a while.
00:41:21.820 --> 00:41:27.580
Ray Martin: And so I sat in my grief about that on my own for a bit and asked the universe,
00:41:27.720 --> 00:41:29.240
Ray Martin: where do I go? What's my guidance?
00:41:29.700 --> 00:41:32.480
Ray Martin: And the universe said, well, the main thing you've got to do right now is go
00:41:32.480 --> 00:41:34.960
Ray Martin: back to England for a while and get the book finished.
00:41:35.280 --> 00:41:39.240
Ray Martin: Just that's your first priority is finish writing that book and get the story into the world.
00:41:39.740 --> 00:41:42.580
Ray Martin: And then we'll take it from there. That's what you need to do next.
00:41:42.760 --> 00:41:46.620
Ray Martin: So that's what I did. I came back to England and got on with writing the book.
00:41:47.320 --> 00:41:53.940
Kevin Lowe: Wow. And so what year did you end up publishing this book? 2023 okay wow so
00:41:53.940 --> 00:41:58.120
Kevin Lowe: were you back in england when the pandemic hit yes
00:41:58.120 --> 00:42:00.180
Ray Martin: I came back just before it started yeah.
00:42:00.180 --> 00:42:02.940
Kevin Lowe: Okay okay wow so
00:42:02.940 --> 00:42:05.120
Ray Martin: I guess i was lucky to be in my home country while that was.
00:42:05.120 --> 00:42:12.820
Kevin Lowe: Going on exactly exactly amazing how that worked talk to me a little bit more
00:42:12.820 --> 00:42:17.420
Kevin Lowe: about the book remind me the name of the book, where we can find the book.
00:42:17.880 --> 00:42:22.100
Kevin Lowe: And kind of more importantly, I think, who do you hope reads this book?
00:42:22.840 --> 00:42:26.160
Ray Martin: Yeah, it's a good question. The book is called Life Without a Tie.
00:42:26.600 --> 00:42:31.340
Ray Martin: And I don't just mean the tie of me as a businessman. That was one part of that picture.
00:42:31.660 --> 00:42:36.940
Ray Martin: But also the four ties of life that identify all of us are the ties we have
00:42:36.940 --> 00:42:41.440
Ray Martin: to our partner or spouse, the ties we have to our career, the ties we have to
00:42:41.440 --> 00:42:46.460
Ray Martin: our physical house or home, and the ties we have to our community of family and friends.
00:42:46.600 --> 00:42:49.320
Ray Martin: Those are the four big ties of life that define us.
00:42:49.780 --> 00:42:53.060
Ray Martin: So I was writing about breaking ties with all of those.
00:42:53.520 --> 00:42:57.580
Ray Martin: What is life without a tie really, really like? I wanted to write an account
00:42:57.580 --> 00:42:59.380
Ray Martin: of it, not to say, oh, it's all amazing.
00:42:59.680 --> 00:43:03.220
Ray Martin: You know, it's all brilliant. It has its fair share of crappy days, I have to say.
00:43:03.580 --> 00:43:08.040
Ray Martin: It's like any life. You only see the edited highlights usually on social media
00:43:08.040 --> 00:43:10.780
Ray Martin: of someone's life. so you don't get to see the really bad days.
00:43:11.100 --> 00:43:14.720
Ray Martin: But it's just a different life. And I wanted to share what it was actually like
00:43:14.720 --> 00:43:17.440
Ray Martin: for anyone who was thinking of making similar decisions.
00:43:17.840 --> 00:43:22.320
Ray Martin: And the subtitle of the book is called Finding Your Path Amidst the Noise,
00:43:22.480 --> 00:43:23.940
Ray Martin: Chaos, and Pressure to Conform.
00:43:24.520 --> 00:43:30.800
Ray Martin: How do you find your own path in life that's unique and belongs to you and is
00:43:30.800 --> 00:43:34.900
Ray Martin: truly the path that you want to walk on, even if no one else is living exactly
00:43:34.900 --> 00:43:36.560
Ray Martin: that life and you're the first person?
00:43:36.560 --> 00:43:40.160
Ray Martin: How do you do it? so that was really the essence of it.
00:43:40.160 --> 00:43:48.540
Kevin Lowe: Yeah wow now in this this book is there any type of maybe specific insights
00:43:48.540 --> 00:43:53.280
Kevin Lowe: because i know from my understanding there's different lessons you teach and
00:43:53.280 --> 00:43:56.580
Kevin Lowe: and i would love to hear a little bit more about that
00:43:56.580 --> 00:44:01.140
Ray Martin: Yeah there really is i mean first of all in the early stages of the book when
00:44:01.140 --> 00:44:04.640
Ray Martin: i've been traveling a few months i wrote about this phase where I was feeling
00:44:04.640 --> 00:44:07.720
Ray Martin: psychologically quite disturbed before I did the Vipassana retreat.
00:44:08.220 --> 00:44:13.260
Ray Martin: And so I wrote, I created 10 guiding principles for myself that was going to
00:44:13.260 --> 00:44:17.760
Ray Martin: follow in order to keep my mental health in good shape.
00:44:18.687 --> 00:44:23.127
Ray Martin: And so I chose principles like the principle of being present, the presence.
00:44:23.527 --> 00:44:28.407
Ray Martin: I thought no matter what happens, I'm going to learn from it and be deeply changed.
00:44:28.447 --> 00:44:31.967
Ray Martin: And I committed to being fully present in each experience in the moments they
00:44:31.967 --> 00:44:36.207
Ray Martin: were happening, accepting each one and being grateful for what was happening
00:44:36.207 --> 00:44:39.327
Ray Martin: rather than thinking, oh, this shouldn't be happening or something like that.
00:44:39.667 --> 00:44:44.567
Ray Martin: So being present and without judgment. Self-acceptance was a principle I decided
00:44:44.567 --> 00:44:48.887
Ray Martin: because I'd beaten myself up a lot when I was in England going through the divorce.
00:44:49.027 --> 00:44:52.847
Ray Martin: And I thought, no, I need to be kind to myself and accept that I'm doing my best and I'm growing.
00:44:53.067 --> 00:44:56.427
Ray Martin: I'm in a learning journey. I started to accept myself more.
00:44:56.647 --> 00:45:01.247
Ray Martin: The principle of wisdom, lightness was a principle because I'd had a heavy time
00:45:01.247 --> 00:45:04.847
Ray Martin: before I left and I wanted to bring much more light and joy into the world.
00:45:05.067 --> 00:45:09.707
Ray Martin: So I had these 10 guiding principles I was following on a daily basis as much as I could.
00:45:10.047 --> 00:45:13.307
Ray Martin: And then another thing, and I've written all those out in the book and what they are.
00:45:13.687 --> 00:45:17.647
Ray Martin: And then in the end of the book, in the section called, what did I learn?
00:45:17.807 --> 00:45:22.987
Ray Martin: Or looking back, I penned what has become known as my six rules for happiness.
00:45:23.327 --> 00:45:27.387
Ray Martin: And these are the six rules to follow if you want a happy life.
00:45:27.507 --> 00:45:32.147
Ray Martin: And they're not easy to describe in one sentence, but they are things like build
00:45:32.147 --> 00:45:35.207
Ray Martin: a strong foundation of self-awareness.
00:45:35.467 --> 00:45:37.587
Ray Martin: Without self-awareness, you're really, really sunk.
00:45:38.847 --> 00:45:44.307
Ray Martin: Become your own observer. If you cannot step out of your own thinking and observe
00:45:44.307 --> 00:45:47.507
Ray Martin: yourself from a distance, that's going to be quite troublesome.
00:45:47.947 --> 00:45:51.867
Ray Martin: So there's a difference between being in an event in which you get really angry
00:45:51.867 --> 00:45:54.927
Ray Martin: and you're consumed by the anger. You're just, you are the anger.
00:45:55.607 --> 00:46:01.807
Ray Martin: And you being in that event going, I noticed right now, I'm noticing that I
00:46:01.807 --> 00:46:04.247
Ray Martin: am feeling angry about what has just happened.
00:46:05.148 --> 00:46:09.188
Ray Martin: I'm noticing I've got the anger rising in me, and I'm noticing I've got some
00:46:09.188 --> 00:46:12.168
Ray Martin: choices here about how I behave in response to that anger.
00:46:12.428 --> 00:46:16.608
Ray Martin: What's the wisest choice I can make right now? That's quite different from just
00:46:16.608 --> 00:46:18.488
Ray Martin: being angry and reacting from that.
00:46:19.228 --> 00:46:23.988
Ray Martin: So those are two examples of the six rules. But one of them is about physical,
00:46:24.208 --> 00:46:26.168
Ray Martin: mental, emotional, spiritual well-being.
00:46:26.508 --> 00:46:31.568
Ray Martin: One is about being courageous about what you learn in life and how you remain courageous.
00:46:32.388 --> 00:46:38.388
Kevin Lowe: Yeah, amazing. now for somebody before we move on somebody interested where's
00:46:38.388 --> 00:46:41.188
Kevin Lowe: the best place that somebody could could find your book at oh
00:46:41.188 --> 00:46:43.948
Ray Martin: The easiest place is amazon you know it's on amazon i've got
00:46:43.948 --> 00:46:47.668
Ray Martin: a website called life without a tie.com and
00:46:47.668 --> 00:46:51.108
Ray Martin: the only reason i mentioned that is for two reasons one is
00:46:51.108 --> 00:46:53.788
Ray Martin: that a lot of readers who read the book said can we
00:46:53.788 --> 00:46:56.708
Ray Martin: see photographs of all these places that you went to
00:46:56.708 --> 00:47:00.108
Ray Martin: and things like that and the foundation and the elephants and the blah blah
00:47:00.108 --> 00:47:04.988
Ray Martin: and so the website has pictures that represent each of the stories in the book
00:47:04.988 --> 00:47:09.208
Ray Martin: because the book doesn't have any photos and then the second thing is if anyone
00:47:09.208 --> 00:47:11.168
Ray Martin: wants a signed copy of the book
00:47:11.168 --> 00:47:16.108
Ray Martin: they can buy that directly from my site and i can send it to them okay.
00:47:16.108 --> 00:47:21.008
Kevin Lowe: Fantastic well i will be sure that both options are in the show notes links
00:47:21.008 --> 00:47:23.868
Kevin Lowe: to the website and amazon of Of course.
00:47:24.088 --> 00:47:24.388
Ray Martin: Super.
00:47:24.668 --> 00:47:29.848
Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Now, we spoke earlier about purpose.
00:47:30.468 --> 00:47:35.088
Kevin Lowe: And I find that there's a lot of us who struggle with that.
00:47:35.468 --> 00:47:42.888
Kevin Lowe: Do you feel like throughout our lives, depending upon kind of what chapter of
00:47:42.888 --> 00:47:46.928
Kevin Lowe: life we're in, do you feel like our purpose changes?
00:47:46.928 --> 00:47:52.788
Kevin Lowe: Or do you feel like there's always an underlying purpose that ties it all together?
00:47:52.788 --> 00:47:57.228
Ray Martin: Oh, it's a brilliant question and I'm actually struggling with this in my own life at the moment.
00:47:57.408 --> 00:48:02.628
Ray Martin: So I do think it changes over time in terms of how it gets enacted or how it gets expressed.
00:48:03.468 --> 00:48:07.628
Ray Martin: So coming back to your question earlier, I've always been someone who wants
00:48:07.628 --> 00:48:10.568
Ray Martin: to represent or shine the light of greater human consciousness.
00:48:10.828 --> 00:48:15.008
Ray Martin: That's never changed. That's a constant throughout all my years.
00:48:15.228 --> 00:48:19.728
Ray Martin: I've wanted to be a torchbearer for being more conscious and more aware and
00:48:19.728 --> 00:48:21.648
Ray Martin: that's always been what I encourage people to do.
00:48:22.360 --> 00:48:26.900
Ray Martin: But I've done that as a sales rep. I've done that as a CEO of a business.
00:48:26.900 --> 00:48:29.840
Ray Martin: I've done that as a fundraiser. I've done that as a book writer.
00:48:30.120 --> 00:48:34.480
Ray Martin: So I'm expressing that purpose in many different forms, in many different roles,
00:48:34.520 --> 00:48:36.240
Ray Martin: in many different ways in each of those.
00:48:36.500 --> 00:48:42.280
Ray Martin: So the nature of how I do that changes with each vehicle that I take on a week, each character I play.
00:48:42.440 --> 00:48:45.160
Ray Martin: But the purpose itself is probably fundamentally the same.
00:48:45.500 --> 00:48:48.400
Ray Martin: It just gets dispensed in a different way. Does that make sense?
00:48:48.700 --> 00:48:49.920
Kevin Lowe: It does. Absolutely.
00:48:50.300 --> 00:48:54.780
Ray Martin: That's the best way I could answer that. So right now, I do most of my influencing
00:48:54.780 --> 00:48:57.900
Ray Martin: around purpose through leadership coaching that I do.
00:48:58.220 --> 00:49:00.820
Ray Martin: I've written the book. That's had a certain impact on the world.
00:49:00.980 --> 00:49:04.880
Ray Martin: And now I coach one-to-one leaders and do it that way.
00:49:05.560 --> 00:49:10.800
Ray Martin: I might start running workshops or seminars in the future and do it that way. I don't know.
00:49:10.980 --> 00:49:14.680
Ray Martin: I can't see it all entirely clearly at the moment.
00:49:14.860 --> 00:49:19.340
Ray Martin: But I'm thinking about that a lot myself because I turned 65 this year.
00:49:19.340 --> 00:49:24.600
Ray Martin: And so i'm i'm getting older you know i don't want to work at the same frenetic
00:49:24.600 --> 00:49:27.900
Ray Martin: pace that i have done before and i've got those things are coming into play
00:49:27.900 --> 00:49:33.280
Ray Martin: of the other parts of my life are calling for attention and parts of me that
00:49:33.280 --> 00:49:36.540
Ray Martin: i want to dedicate to that in my family for example,
00:49:37.220 --> 00:49:41.540
Ray Martin: yeah yeah so so so things are shifting but even if i'm spending more time with
00:49:41.540 --> 00:49:45.360
Ray Martin: family guess what i'll be picking them up on how conscious they are about themselves
00:49:45.360 --> 00:49:51.260
Ray Martin: i'll still be living my purpose but just with different people in a different way yeah absolutely.
00:49:51.260 --> 00:49:56.160
Kevin Lowe: That's that's absolutely beautiful yeah is there any part of you at this point
00:49:56.160 --> 00:49:59.840
Kevin Lowe: in your life now that would love to set off traveling again
00:49:59.840 --> 00:50:02.800
Ray Martin: Well funny i've just i've just spent two and a half months
00:50:02.800 --> 00:50:05.700
Ray Martin: in asia i literally got back two days ago and i
00:50:05.700 --> 00:50:09.660
Ray Martin: loved it i absolutely loved it i went with my partner and we had a lovely lovely
00:50:09.660 --> 00:50:14.620
Ray Martin: time and we went to three four countries we went to cambodia laos vietnam and
00:50:14.620 --> 00:50:18.620
Ray Martin: thailand and it was brilliant yeah so i and i've never been to south america
00:50:18.620 --> 00:50:22.940
Ray Martin: at all and certain parts of the world so there's still many places i would really
00:50:22.940 --> 00:50:25.500
Ray Martin: like to see before i leave yeah.
00:50:25.500 --> 00:50:33.960
Kevin Lowe: Yeah amazing well yeah well ray i want to say that you you have so much wisdom
00:50:33.960 --> 00:50:36.300
Kevin Lowe: that you have gained in your life
00:50:36.300 --> 00:50:37.700
Ray Martin: Yeah and.
00:50:37.700 --> 00:50:44.720
Kevin Lowe: I truly thank you for sharing just this little snapshot with us today And I
00:50:44.720 --> 00:50:50.080
Kevin Lowe: guess what I would love is for the person listening today who is,
00:50:50.646 --> 00:50:55.126
Kevin Lowe: Maybe they're at a point, maybe where you were back in 2005,
00:50:55.126 --> 00:51:03.266
Kevin Lowe: but maybe because of obligations, they can't think about setting off and traveling the world.
00:51:03.506 --> 00:51:10.926
Kevin Lowe: Do you have any bit of advice, any sense of hope that we could leave them with?
00:51:11.246 --> 00:51:14.046
Ray Martin: Yeah, I do. And it's a great question I get asked a lot.
00:51:14.226 --> 00:51:19.226
Ray Martin: The truth is you do not need to go physically traveling in order to change the
00:51:19.226 --> 00:51:21.446
Ray Martin: way the world looks and feels to you.
00:51:21.666 --> 00:51:25.086
Ray Martin: The main thing that is required is a change in your own thinking.
00:51:25.486 --> 00:51:29.906
Ray Martin: So what conditions do you need in order to be able to examine your current thinking
00:51:29.906 --> 00:51:34.026
Ray Martin: and shift to a more useful and helpful type of thinking?
00:51:34.266 --> 00:51:37.306
Ray Martin: And it doesn't mean you have to travel to a foreign country.
00:51:37.306 --> 00:51:40.266
Ray Martin: It could take a couple of days retreat where
00:51:40.266 --> 00:51:43.126
Ray Martin: you live and you know and just hang out with some
00:51:43.126 --> 00:51:46.486
Ray Martin: different kinds of people who think in a different way to you and start
00:51:46.486 --> 00:51:49.886
Ray Martin: to look at things from a different perspective without doing it what the traveling
00:51:49.886 --> 00:51:55.306
Ray Martin: does do is it takes you out of your usual routines and usual methods and habits
00:51:55.306 --> 00:51:59.586
Ray Martin: of thinking and starts to open up new ways of looking at things so it's useful
00:51:59.586 --> 00:52:01.326
Ray Martin: but it's not essential so i would
00:52:01.326 --> 00:52:06.346
Ray Martin: say the main focus in the journey i've described is not the geography.
00:52:06.526 --> 00:52:11.586
Ray Martin: That is nice, but it's not the focus. The focus is how do you escape from the
00:52:11.586 --> 00:52:15.726
Ray Martin: confinement of your habitual way of thinking? And that's really the question.
00:52:16.346 --> 00:52:22.366
Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Yeah. Powerful. Ray, it has been an absolute pleasure to have you here, man.
00:52:22.586 --> 00:52:27.526
Kevin Lowe: Thank you so much for taking the time to sit down with me today and share your story.
00:52:27.726 --> 00:52:32.986
Kevin Lowe: You're an awesome guy with a killer story and even more meaningful is just the
00:52:32.986 --> 00:52:35.086
Kevin Lowe: insights you have to share, so thank you.
00:52:35.446 --> 00:52:36.266
Ray Martin: Thanks, Kevin.
00:52:37.006 --> 00:52:42.786
Kevin Lowe: Yeah, absolutely. For you listening today, I hope you're coming away with as much as I did.
00:52:42.966 --> 00:52:47.446
Kevin Lowe: A whole new mindset on life, a whole new way of thinking about things.
00:52:47.446 --> 00:52:49.886
Kevin Lowe: All thanks to today's amazing guest.
00:52:50.066 --> 00:52:56.626
Kevin Lowe: Please be sure to take this interview today to the next level by grabbing Ray's book.
00:52:56.826 --> 00:53:01.186
Kevin Lowe: Again, links are in the show notes for easy access. And hey,
00:53:01.366 --> 00:53:06.886
Kevin Lowe: until next time Maybe start thinking about life Like Ray How can you start living
00:53:06.886 --> 00:53:11.266
Kevin Lowe: life a little bit differently A little bit better A little bit bigger Until
00:53:11.266 --> 00:53:16.106
Kevin Lowe: next time, I'm your host Kevin Lowe And this of course is Grit, Grace, and Inspiration
00:53:21.680 --> 00:53:49.162
Podcast Outro Plays: Podcast Theme Song: I got Grit, Grace, & Inspiration on my mind