Hey, what's up, Champion?

This is your host, Neal, and I want to welcome you back to another Fire podcast today.

Today we're gonna do some deep work today, and today we're gonna talk about how to have disagreements without damaging relationships.

You know, we're living in a time where it seems like so many people are living on hypersensitive and any form of a disagreement with them, it just derails relationships and sometimes even ends relationships that never get repaired.

When you allow that to happen in life, all you're doing is costing yourself relationships and people who are meant to be within your life.

Our goal when we have disagreements with people is never about trying to win an argument, but rather about maintaining a healthy relationship and keeping an open mind and open door that it's okay to have varying opinions.

Man, I am fired up to do some deep work with you today.

Get ready.

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Sit back, relax, get hyped, or do whatever you do.

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Enjoy today's flight, be blessed, and remember, the best is yet to come.

What's up, champion?

This is your host, Neal Reyes, and.

I want to welcome you to the Executive Perspective.

For years, I struggled to answer the question, what do you do for a living?

Why?

Because most people who ask only expect to hear one thing.

I'm an executive with a deep level of understanding of business, operations, leadership, and technology.

I'm also the president and founder of a worldwide ministry and CEO of an executive coaching and consulting firm.

My number one passion is people, and I receive significant gratitude in life from sowing into others and encouraging them as they grow to achieve their fullest potential.

If you're a high performance individual like me, or you're simply ready to take your business, leadership or inner potential to the next level, then strap in because.

Because I'm locked in and all in.

This is the Executive Perspective.

Hey, what's up, champions?

This is your host, Neal Reyes, and I want to welcome you back to The Executive Perspective.

Today I'm going to be speaking with you about how to disagree without damning relationships.

You know, it is so important in life to be able to have what I refer to as healthy discourse, which we'll talk about later.

But it's important to understand that when we're in relationships with others, whether it's very close relationships like within marriage, or whether if it's with our siblings or children, or most oftentimes it's the co workers that we spend time with, it's okay to disagree.

In life.

However, there's a right or positive way and wrong or negative way to be able to disagree with others.

And I will tell you that when you learn to disagree with people in a positive way, you can learn to disagree without damaging any of your relationships.

But if you allow your emotions to rule the day and you feel like you have to win every argument, you're going to find yourself damaging the relationships that mean the most to you, the relationships that are the closest to you, and the relationships that in life you need the most.

Disagreement doesn't equal disrespect.

I think that's a real important topic for us to open up with or point for us to open up with today.

Disagreement doesn't equal disrespect.

You know, so many times in life when people come to the table and I say to the table, but really they come to a conversation, they feel like as if they have to almost prove that their way of thinking or their opinions on the matter are the most important thing and have to rule the day.

You know, here on this podcast on the Executive Perspective, we've had other podcasts where we've talked about that when you learn to leave your ego outside the room or outside the conversation, conversations begin to become smoother.

And the main reason why is because when your ego is left out of the equation, when you speak and have disagreements with others, you're never having to defend your identity.

In other words, if you remove your identity from that situation, you're not having to argue from a place of defending your opinions or your choices or why you feel or believe a certain way.

You know, here in the executive perspective, we focus on three main areas.

On this podcast, we focus on leadership, business strategy, and personal development.

And I mention that in every episode we do.

And when we talk about how to have disagreements without damaging relationships, that transcends across all three of those topics.

But it also works in every area of your life.

You know, I'm so passionate about this thing in leadership and business strategy and personal development that I know that for high achievers and higher performers that basically touches every area of your life.

And it is so important to understand, especially living in a day and time where we are now.

And I'm based out of Texas, I'm in the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex.

But if you're in the United States or even if you're in other countries, I have a lot of friends that are based across the pond in the UK and other countries.

And I will tell you, it seems like the political climates and different things are just on hypersensitive mode across the world.

For me, that's a dividing spirit.

That's crossing the land.

It's something that I believe from my ministry background.

But I can also, if I were given a Bible study, I could break that down for you.

But while this isn't a Bible study, I teach everything about leadership, business strategy and personal development with a godly undertone, because God is the center at everything I do.

And I want to tell you that we're living in a time and age where so many people get offended so quickly and so easily that relationships that mean the most to them or should are being voided and canceled.

And some of the most people who are the most special to you or should be the special to you, so many people don't even talk to them anymore because they can't learn how to disagree in a healthy manner.

And because they haven't learned how to disagree in a healthy manner, they're allowing those feelings or those emotions to rob the day from them.

They're allowing those emotions to steal what matters most.

You know, my greatest passion in life is people.

I desire to help people.

That's who I'm passionate about.

All kinds of people.

Not just a certain set of people, but people, just people in general.

And when I see that we're living in a time where people have such a hard time communicating with each other because the moment they cross the line of disagreement, they'll just absolutely abscond from even having any kind of a relationship with that other party.

That is so damaging, but it's also so sad.

The other thing I'm going to tell you is that if you're having disagreements with somebody, you know, there's a phrase out there that you don't win the war by winning every battle.

You know, when you're talking with someone, even if you really do know you're right about something, you don't have to prove you're right in order to win that conversation.

In fact, I'm going To tell you that oftentimes the cost of winning an argument is oftentimes hurt feelings, setbacks in relationships, or sometimes the cancellation of avoidance of relationships all the way across, meaning that those relationships cease to exist or at least cease to exist in that same manner going forward.

This happens on personal levels within marriages.

It happens within families, whether if it's among siblings or whether if it's among, you know, parents and their children, or parents and grand grandparents or, you know, children or grandchildren and grandparents at the same time.

It also happens often and frequent at the office.

And I'm going to tell you that that should not be how people live life.

Not only does that make you unproductive, but that doesn't add any value to you in life.

In fact, I'm going to tell you it probably steals and robs from you.

I don't think that that adds any kind of value that enriches life or fulfillment or joy or happiness.

And if it's not doing those things, and it's probably not adding years to your life, it's probably adding things like stress, pressure, animosity, anger, malice.

And those things, those are emotions that can cause you to lose years on your life, but also lose things like happiness and joy.

It can also zap your energy.

You know, you can challenge someone's ideas without attacking their identity.

I think that's so important to discuss because so many times in life, and especially nowadays, it seems like as if you turn around and have a disagreement with someone so many times, the reason why disagreements get derailed or fall off track.

I sometimes use the phrase of the wheels falling off the bus.

Picture a bus going down the road and the wheels falling off it.

That's going to be an ugly wreck right there.

But the reason why the wheels fall off the bus sometimes is because when people come into disagreements, they make it personal.

In other words, they go after the identity or the character of the person rather than the merits of the conversation of what it is they're actually talking about.

Now I'm going to tell you that I heard from a gentleman named Kenneth Hagin many years ago.

He's not alive anymore.

He's a pastor who used to leave.

He actually founded Rhema Bible College, if you've never heard of it.

But this gentleman had what I feel is words of wisdom.

I've never heard anyone else say anything similar to this.

And he may be the one that founded it, or he found it from someone else and just picked up and started saying it on his own, but he would say that on every conversation or on every disagreement, there's usually three sides to every story.

There's their side, there's your side.

And then the truth is usually somewhere in the middle.

It might be closer to them, might be closer to you, but the truth is usually somewhere in the middle.

And I'm going to tell you, the best way to get over disagreements and to make sure that they don't damage relationships is to have an open mind, to be able to be willing to listen, admit when you're wrong.

And words like.

And I mean heartfelt words.

Not just empty words, but heartfelt words and phrases like, I'm sorry, please forgive me, you matter more to me, things like that, those will go a long way in helping when you have disagreements.

And I will tell you that even if you're not in the wrong or you don't feel like you're in the wrong, remember the truth is somewhere in the middle.

Being willing to acknowledge that there's another side or another viewpoint in that situation and that even though you may not agree with it doesn't mean that it's wrong.

Being able to be mature enough in relationships like that will help you to have disagreements without damaging personal relationships.

You know, respectful disagreement can often lead to deeper understanding and stronger bonds.

Stronger bonds with who?

Well, stronger bonds with that person.

You know, I can think of times where I've had disagreements with people within my own life, and sometimes the disagreements weren't because we were arguing over who was right and who was wrong.

If I'm being honest with you, just being transparent, sometimes it was because I said something that maybe I thought was going to be funny, and when it came out, it wasn't funny, it actually came out as offensive or hurtful towards that person.

Or maybe when I said something, maybe I wasn't trying to be funny at all, but when I said something, I used a tone that was firmer than I meant to, and the way that person received that was like I was being harsh with them.

I will tell you that if you've done that, there's always a way to walk that back.

But it starts with genuine character and willing to admit you made a mistake.

And I'm going to tell you, saying sorry is not always the easiest thing.

But if you learn how to do it from a place of remorse within your heart, meaning that you truly do regret that you did that and you truly are sorry, then even though they may not forgive you in that minute, they're going to recognize you were genuine about what you said.

Now, depending what you told them, you may have fired them up pretty good.

So if you do, then you need to also give them time to cool down in their own way.

Sometimes that comes with space.

But just because you need to give space in the moment doesn't mean you should leave a void in the relationship where you don't come back together.

Don't ever let pride be your motivation for not repairing a relationship.

I'm going to say that again.

Don't ever let pride be your motivation for not repairing a relationship.

If you allowed pride at the table, I'm going to tell you that the costs with pride are always higher than what you're willing to pay.

Now, that brings us to our first leadership truth bomb of the day.

Disagreeing with you doesn't mean I'm against you.

I'm going to say that again.

Disagreeing with you doesn't mean I'm against you.

And I will tell you that when you learn to take this type of behavior towards others and you learn to walk in love as you do, that it doesn't mean I'm against you when I disagree with you.

But at the same time, it's like a mirror.

If someone is not against you, then you can't be against them.

In other words, in that statement, I just said, if what I'm telling another person is, hey, disagreeing with you doesn't mean I'm against you, then you need to also understand that when they disagree with you, they're not against you either.

They just have a difference of opinion.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

Emotions are signals.

They're not drivers.

I'm going to say that again.

Emotions are signals.

They're not drivers.

When I say they're signals, consider yourself like driving down the road.

And if you're driving down the road, you're navigating life.

That's you in the car and you're navigating life.

And when you have certain emotions, those emotions are like signals on the road.

Sometimes it's a red light, meaning you better stop.

If you run the red light, something bad can happen.

You're either going to get a potentially a ticket or you might even get in an accident, but you're breaking the law and you're going to do something that you don't want to do because it was an unattended consequence.

Other times you have yellow that pops up, which means caution, or slow down.

And then you have green that means, punch that pedal, buddy.

It's time to get going.

But you know, there's different signs, but there's the other signs or signals on the road as well.

You have yield signs, you have stop signs, you have speed limit signs which tell you when it's appropriate to go fast or slow on a road.

Sometimes the speed limit knows more than you do because there's windy roads.

And maybe you have a nice car that feels good to take on the corners, but that doesn't mean that you know how to drive on those corners.

And so sometimes you need to pay attention to those signals.

You need to pay attention to understand that at the same time, emotions are natural in disagreement.

I want you to understand that when you have disagreements, it's natural to understand that there's emotions involved in disagreement, but they shouldn't be in control.

This is so important right here.

Emotions are natural in disagreement.

If someone has a disagreement but they feel strongly about what happened because you had strong emotions tied to that disagreement, or if the person who is in disagreement with you had strong emotions tied to that, there's nothing wrong with that.

It's natural to have emotions, and sometimes strong emotions show up in disagreements.

But your emotions should never be in control.

You know, I'm going to tell you that you should never be led by your emotions.

And if you allow your emotions to rule the day and to dictate where you go or how you act or how you behave or how you react to something, I'm going to tell you that those are very, very negative things and emotions can lead you astray.

When emotions run the room, reason gets shut out.

I'm going to say that again because that's so strong to be able to reference.

When emotions run the room, reasons get shut out.

You know, this is significant right here, because if you allow emotions like, let's say you walk into a conversation and there's a group of people in there, if everyone shows up with their emotions and they allow their emotions to run that room or that conversation, man, if you do that, reason's going to get shut out.

Reason's not going to be allowed to come to the table and be able to talk or speak because everybody's focused on their emotions.

They're feeling whether they're angry emotions, whether they're mad or frustrated emotions, whether they're upset or they're bitter, or if they have things like animosity because they haven't been letting go of things like they should.

And over time, things have built up and built up and built up, and now that person's filled with so much pressure of animosity inside, they're like a volcano.

They're about to explode.

With all of this pent up pressure and animosity that's been in them that they haven't dealt with successfully, those are things that you got to be cautious about allowing to come to the table because those things can ruin your life and they can ruin relationships.

And here's our next leadership truth bomb of the day.

You can feel strongly without having to speak harshly.

I'm going to say that again.

When you're talking with someone, you can speak strongly without having to speak harshly.

All right, let me say that a little differently.

You can feel strongly.

In other words, you can be passionate about something, you can have strong emotions or feelings about something.

But just because you feel strong about something doesn't mean you have to speak harshly towards people.

I'm going to say that one more time because I think this is sticky, but this is where a lot of people also get stuck.

But when I say this is sticky, this is something that can stay with you and you need to, because it'll help you.

You can feel strongly without speaking harshly.

Now our third point that we have for today and the next thing I want to speak with you about is to seek understanding, not victory, man.

That's a big one right there.

Seek understanding, not victory, man.

When we talk about seeking understanding, but not victory.

You know, I said earlier towards the beginning of this podcast that you don't win the war by winning every battle.

You know, sometimes you have to learn how to seek understanding in a situation, not victory.

In other words, when you're showing up to a conversation and there's difference of opinions between you and others, your job in that conversation is not to see who wins.

It's not about who's right.

It's about finding common ground of understanding.

That's why you have to learn how to seek understanding.

A disagreement shouldn't become a debate you're trying to win.

I'm going to say that because that means so much right there.

You know, so many people show up to conversations.

And I'm just going to tell you it's rare that I think that people show up to conversations knowing there's a disagreement before you even speak.

And I say that, but maybe that's not fully accurate.

I guess what I made me should say in a better way is, you know, sometimes when you go and speak to someone or people go and speak to you, they already know you're going to disagree.

I'm not going to say that.

That doesn't exist.

However, if you already know you're going to go speak with someone and you're already got some emotions tied up in that thing, and you're pretty hot over that situation, and you can't wait to have that disagreement, then your mindset and your heart is not in the right place.

You need to step back from that situation.

You need to be able to allow those emotions to cool.

And you shouldn't even be having that conversation until you can approach it without emotion at all.

And if you have those strong emotions and you're ready for the argument, you're not ready for anything productive, and you're not ready for a meaningful conversation.

You know, when you show up and you have disagreements, those disagreements should never become a debate that you're trying to win.

There's no prizes at the other side of that.

There's no award money, there's no medal or there's no ribbon that you're going to get for winning the debate.

When you have debates with people and your focus is to win, you may think you've won when you walk away from that conversation.

But at the end of the day, there was a cost.

And you might know it then, or you might not recognize it till later, but there's always a cost to pay when your goal is to win every argument.

Rather than finding a common place of simply understanding mature individuals and mature relationships, seek understanding, not victory.

Now, learn to do these things.

And this can help you navigate when you have disagreements with others.

And this is so important because again, today we're talking about how to disagree without damaging relationships.

When you encounter conversations but you're starting to have a disagreement with somebody, learn to do these things.

Learn to ask questions.

When you ask questions, questions, especially the right ones, can help bring clarity.

Also, learn to listen more than you speak.

You know, God has given every person in this world two ears and one mouth.

That means you've been designed to listen twice as much as you're speaking.

When it's talking with others.

The other thing is learn to honor another person's perspective.

When you learn how to honor how other people view a situation, even when it's not the way you made me view it, I'm going to tell you, you'll gain respect within their eyes, and they'll understand that you're the type of person that they can have a productive and meaningful conversation with, because they're not always on guard about who has to win or who has to prove they were right or why they were wrong.

And when you're able to do those things and you're able to show honor towards others, well, every seed in life produces after its own kind.

You know, nobody walks out into their front yard, and if they decide to plant a tree, and let's say they decide they want a fruit tree, and for whatever reason they want in their front yard, not the backyard.

Okay?

You know, if they want an orange tree, they don't go plant avocado seeds.

Because when that tree grows up and gets mature and starts to produce its fruit, and you walk outside and you're like, avocados.

Where'd these come from?

I wanted an orange tree.

Well, every seed produces after its own kind.

And what you want is an outcome of oranges.

Then you need to plant orange seeds, not avocado seeds.

Man, this speaks, and this is a big one right here.

Seed will always produce after its own kind.

So if you want to have healthy relationships, when you're having those conversations and they turn to disagreements, you need to make sure you're sowing the right kind of seed.

Now, this brings us to our third leadership truth bomb of the day.

Healthy discourse is about clarity.

It's not about conquest.

Oh, that speaks right there.

I'm going to say that again.

Healthy discourse is about clarity, not conquest.

You know, when I talk about healthy discourse, you know, healthy discourse is when you can have a conversation with somebody, and even though you're not agreeing, you're okay to still be able to speak with each other.

It's not about conquest.

It's not about trying to conquer another person.

It's about simply having a healthy difference of opinions with each other, but being able to articulate yourself in a way that you're able to convey what your thoughts are on a situation.

Also why maybe you have experience or history to back your viewpoints, but also being open to new understanding, to being open to their viewpoints or their experience or their general feelings about something.

And then when you do that, the two of you can come together and seek healthy ground to maybe find a new and better way of doing it.

And when you do that, not only are your relationships better at the end of the day, but you've now added to your understanding and you added to your growing, because you now know a new way to do it even better than before.

And now the next time you approach a disagreement with somebody, now you have more than one way to possibly solve it, because you grew from that situation.

Now, that brings us to our fourth point of the day.

Preserve the relationship.

So what I'm going to tell you is when you're working with someone or you're talking with someone, if you have any kind of a Disagreement.

Work toward preserving the relationship, even if you can't reach an agreement.

Man, that's so important right there.

Because if you know you're at an impasse where you're not going to see things their way and they're not going to see things your way, then your only goal in that situation is to preserve the relationship you have.

And if you learn to preserve the relationship you have, you don't have to be focused anymore about reaching an agreement, because your only goal is to make sure that your relationship stays intact.

And I'm going to tell you that if you do that, in the long run, it'll be healthier for you and they'll know they can trust you to listen to them, even when they don't know if you're going to agree with them.

You know, not every disagreement has to be resolved.

When you're speaking with someone, when you're talking with someone and you have a disagreement, it's okay to part ways not having resolved the disagreement.

But understand that every person should leave the conversation respected.

In other words, when they leave that conversation, even if you weren't able to resolve the issue you were having, they should still be able to leave there and feel respected because you were respectful toward them.

Make the goal to walk away with the relationship intact, even if your opinions differ.

I'm going to say that again, your goal should not be to win, but that when you walk away from a disagreement, your relationship is still intact, even if you don't agree with each other.

Your relationship is still in a healthy place where you still care about each other and you still value each other, even if your opinions differ or if they're different than what you believe.

And then the fourth and final truth bomb that I have for you today, this is our leadership truth bomb, is that if agreement is the cost of the relationship, then your price is too high.

Oh, I'm going to say that again, because there's a lot of weight in that.

If your agreement is the cost of the relationship, your price is too high.

What do I mean by that?

Well, if where you're at is in a relationship with someone where the cost of the relationship means you always have to agree with them, but I'm going to point it more towards you because as high performers, we always look at ourselves first.

If the cost of having a relationship with you is that others always have to agree with you, and if they don't agree with you, then there is no relationship, then your price for your relationship or to have a relationship with you, it's too expensive and it's too high.

Man, that's powerful right there, guys, as we wrap up today, I want to encourage you to swing by our website@neal Reyes.com where you can connect with all of our teaching resources.

And before I let you go, I want to make sure you hear it from me today that I believe in you, champion.

I believe you've got greatness on the inside of you.

You just need to continue to cultivate it, grow it and develop it, and bring it on the outside so others can see.

Thank you for joining me and growing me today, and have a blessed day.