Hello, and welcome to hey, Boomer. So

good to be back with you after my travels.

Hey Boomer is the show for those of us who believe that we

are never too old to set another goal or dream a new

dream. My name is Wendy green, and I am your

host with hey, boomer.

I sat down the other night in preparation for this

episode to write about the changes and the

transitions that I have been through. It seemed like a good

exercise being that this episode is about transitions

and that I am a transitions coach. So I thought a

timeline would make sense as a way to track this and

I decided to start from high school graduation which was in

1971.

Suddenly the page was full.

Since 1971 I have been through at

least 37 different changes.

That means that I have moved to different homes

or different states. There was the

birth of my two children, marriage and divorce.

Going back to school at the age of 28 as a

single mother starting new job,

being downsized or leaving jobs,

starting a kids art business becoming a

certified change leader in 2000,

becoming credentialed as a professional coach in too thousand and

13 and as a podcast host in

2020. It would be trite

to say that these transitions were easy or

painless because at the time many

of these transitions were messy and uncomfortable.

Some of the transitions I have been through were powerful and motivating,

some were exhausting and depleting,

some I moved through quickly and others it was like

moving at a glacial pace.

I did think by the time I was almost 70,

which will be in four weeks, I would have worked

everything out and there would be no more transitions to go

through. Wrong. Change

is something we can always count on, whether

it is thrust upon us or something self

initiated. At least now

when I am in the midst of the

uncomfortableness of a transitions,

I know a few things. I know that the

uncomfortable feelings that I'm going through will lead to

some inner growth. I know that

things will not be uncomfortable forever.

I know that taking time to be still to

reflect on the questions will help me to find the

answers and I know it will take

as long as it takes. In

today's episode, I want too share with you what I have learned about

transitions, the messy and uncomfortable

journey to new beginnings.

But before we get into this, as many

of you know, my grandson and I just returned from

amazing grandparent grandchild trip aboard the

Windjammer sailing ship the Angelique.

This was a road scholar grandparent grandchild

trip and we sailed around the coast of Maine,

stopping at different islands, even had a lobster bake on

an island. The kids learned so much about

sailing and not tying and the

animals in the water and the fish in the water

and the crustaceans. We had a

couple of kind of rainy, cloudy, cool

days. And then we had a couple of absolutely magnificent

sailing days. And in spite of all of that, the

educators on the trip kept those kids

entertained and they learned a

lot. Every trip that I have ever made

with Rhodes Scholar has been so well organized and

so educational. They are the not for

profit leader in educational travel for boomers

and beyond and for grandparents and

grandchildren. So if you think you might have a trip in

your future, take a

look@rhodescholar.org

boomer. And please use the boomer because it

lets them know that you heard about it here.

Also, as we're talking about transitions, I

wanted to encourage you to download the life

vitality assessment from my website.

We all want to stay vital as we age.

This assessment will give you some insight and

validate how you are feeling. Now.

Hopefully you're feeling fully vitalized. But

does the quality and meaning of your life, is

it giving you enough sustained energy to do the things you want to

do? Or possibly you're feeling half empty, and

so it's a little bit difficult to find the energy

to do the things you do you want to do? Or

is it time to take stock and to really look at your

life and think about what you need to let go of what you might want

to add to get back that feeling of vitality?

So download the assessment, the vitality assessment from the

Boomer Biz home page, and then

I'm available to talk, right? So if you would like to

chat and schedule some time, I'm setting aside

time on Thursdays, and you can use my

calendar link to schedule some time. I will be

putting this link in the show notes, and I look forward

to talking to you because I like to know that you are there

and I am here for you. All

right, so let's get into the

episode. I want to start

this episode with a story about a man named

Ken Olsen. Ken was the founder of

Digital Equipment inspiration, or Dec as I knew

it, and maybe some of you even remember that

company. At its peak in the late eighty s,

it grew to over 120,000 employees

with operations in 95 countries.

And as a technology company, it was surpassed

only in size by IBM.

Dec was an engineers company.

Hey hired really smart people and then they turned

them loose to create products and solutions.

I worked for Dec during the heydays. I worked with

customers to support them and train them on the

products that were created by those really smart

engineers. We all felt

empowered, respected, and we were given so many

opportunities to learn and advance.

The problems began when Ken

Olsen came to believe that the personal computer

would never survive as a product.

He could not envision people having a personal

computer on their desktops. And in

1992, the board forced him to resign.

Six years later, compaq purchased Deck for

$9.6 billion. I watched

the company downsize and sell off parts of the

organization after Mr. Olsen was forced out.

And in 1995, the downsizing hit me

at our stage of life. Change comes in many

forms. It could be the loss of a job through a layoff

or retirement. It could be the loss of a

spouse, sibling, or parent. It might

be the loss of some of our physical abilities.

Maybe you've moved from your longtime family home

into a retirement community. In the

vernacular of transitions, coined by William

Bridges in his foundational book by the same name,

we are facing an ending.

And what happens when we are faced with an endings,

be it a change we choose or a change that is forced upon

us? Well, many of us experience

anxiety. It can affect our ability to

sleep. It can affect our health. It can

affect our self confidence and our self image.

We might feel isolation or loneliness.

Often, when we're going through this kind of transition,

we'll feel a lack of interest in things that we

used to be interested in. We call this depression. But

sometimes there is a spiritual questioning, a

renewed interest in the meaning of our lives.

Losing my job with Deck as a single parent, with one child in

college and the other about to start college, it was

a very frightening ending for me.

I was at the height of my career. I had started the

US. Expertise center for a product we were creating. I

was traveling around the world. Suddenly,

I was let go, and I felt like I was on a

chasm, looking into a void of the

unknown. I experienced the anxiety,

the stress, the sleeplessness. And because of all the

responsibilities I had with my children in college

or going to college, I immediately started to look for my next

job. And fortunately, I was able to land a

job in Maryland. And right after my son graduated from high

school in Georgia, we relocated.

Pretty major change. However, what

I learned is that change does not

constitute a transition. We

react to change to move through

the uncomfortableness as quickly as

possible. A transition is more

intentional and reflective.

Change is what happens externally. We change

jobs. We move into retirement. We move to

a new community or a new home. We

become parents or grandparents. Those are external

changes. Transition is what happens

internally. Taking the time to process

how that change is affecting you internally

will have a profound impact on how

successfully you manage the change.

At the time I moved to Maryland, I did not transitions. I

changed. I changed location and job, but I

did not take the time to reflect on what I could learn from the

experience. I reacted in order to keep the money

flowing. I mentioned the

book Transitions by William Bridges. In this

book, he talks about three stages we go through in

transitions. There is now a new book out

by Bruce Feeler called Life is in the

Transitions that defines very similar

stages, but takes a somewhat different approach to

transitions. William Bridges calls the

first stage endings. As I mentioned, Bruce Feeler

refers to it as the Long Goodbye

because there is often grief from loss associated

with this stage. Even if you wanted the endings to happen.

Let's talk about the endings of a full time job. For instance,

most recently, I lost my job due to the

pandemic. Understandably, I felt a

sense of loss, a loss of control over the timing. For

sure. If you have planned for your

retirement, you may have the big going away party and you

wake up the following Monday with no office to go to.

And at first it feels great. But

over time you recognize that you've had

a loss of routine, probably a loss of some of the

friendships you had at work, the loss of structure,

what you're going to do during those 810 twelve work

hour days, and the loss of a paycheck.

And this is where many of us get stuck,

just like I did when I lost my job at Deck. We

immediately look for something to replace the discomfort we are

feeling. By not taking the time to reflect,

we miss the opportunity for some tremendous

growth. And this is where the next stage comes in.

William Bridges calls this stage the neutral

zone. Feiler refers to it as the messy

middle. I kind of like that.

Ideally, it is a time of introspection.

You are questioning what's worked for you. Maybe you're

trying on new ideas and new habits

that can be very uncomfortable,

because it could be a time of

reinvention. The time in the neutral

Zone or the messy middle can be short, or it

may take months, but it should not be

rushed. There is a richness in

being in the wilderness and giving yourself the time to

explore the new thoughts and opportunities that are

showing up. When I was forced into the

ending of my job because of the pandemic, I did

take some time in the Neutral zone or the messy middle

because of my training. I knew some things to ask myself.

I asked how did I want to feel going forward?

What was important to me? How

could I make an impact? And what was I

good at? And I enjoy doing

those questions led me to this

reinvention. I did not even know how to take

a podcast or become a podcast host. But I

felt that I had something to offer to my fellow Boomers. And

I felt that new was the time to try something new

and Hay Boomer was born. That was my new

beginning as both Bridges and Feeler call it

giving myself time in the Neutral zone and the

messy middle to explore what was important to

me, what would give me meaning, led me to

this new beginning. When

I started working on this episode I thought I would share with you

some of the things I talk about with my clients.

I did not see myself in a transitional

time. But guess what?

Life is funny like that. When you think you

are coasting along, questions arise.

As some of you know, I have done a lot of traveling so far this

summer and I have one more trip coming up to a podcasting

conference in August. Travel takes us out of

our day too day, and particularly on the

windjammer cruise that I just finished, there was time

to sit with myself, relax

and think and the

thoughts revolved about how I was going to transform

the work I am doing into something that provides me with an

income. So the questions I was asking

this time new are do I want to focus on building

my coaching practice? Do I want to focus on becoming a

paid speaker? Do I want to create an online

course? Should I turn some of my content into a

book? Each one of these things will take

time and effort and I am questioning where to

put that time and effort. I also

know that at this stage in my life it's important

for me to have time for my friends and family and

for the causes that are important to me.

So I am definitely in the messy middle of a

transition right now and I telling

you, it's a little uncomfortable but it won't last

forever. I have worked with

many people who come to me because of some change they

are facing that feeling of being uncomfortable in that messy

middle or the neutral zone. Hey come. Because they are feeling

stuck, anxious and

unable too see possibilities.

Many of them deny their intuition of what they

might really want caving to the

messages of fear and conformity those

shoulds we should be doing this. It may

seem that just moving on, giving in,

following those shoulds quieting those fear, could overcome the

feeling of being out of control.

But as I coach my clients and myself,

I try to provide us with space to feel those

scary feelings and to use some of the

tools to clear the fear and approach

solutions and possibilities from a calmer mindset.

One of the most powerful exercises that we do in the

coaching program is called a life review and Bruce

Feeler's book Life Is In the Transitions uses this

technique. In this exercise

we separate our lives into chapters and you write

down the high points at different stages and

what did those high points mean to you? How did

they influence your beliefs and your

attitudes? And then you go back and you think

about the low points in your life in

the different stages and how did they influence your

beliefs and your attitudes? And then

you look through the whole thing and you say what were the themes in

that story? What have I learned over my

lifetime? And then

you look back and say, what have you leave behind that you used to really

love doing? And how might you bring some of those

things into the present day?

The Life Review gives people time in the neutral

zone or the messy middle to reflect, to consider

possibilities. It's a time to try

out new ideas and that

these ideas may lead to a new sense of vitality,

a new beginning where you start to feel

it's possible once again to take the time to be

open and explore. I

wanted to share with you some of the mistakes I have made, and then I've

seen clients make as they find themselves in

this time of transition or change. And I'm going to give you a

few suggestions also about how to avoid some of these

mistakes. First of

all, there is impatience. You know, it is very

unsettling not to know what is next

or where our next opportunity will come from.

We feel a sense of urgency to fix the problem, and

we want the fix now.

Staying busy feels good for the moment, but it can also create

a situation where our fear and desperation may lead

to another bad opportunity

future retirement. Simply rush out and buy toys,

motorhomes or a second home, new golf clubs, vacations,

and they likely find themselves with a lot of unused

new toys and a feeling of boredom and little

passion for life. I encourage

my clients to give themselves some time to explore what they

would like to do, what they would like their new

opportunity to be at this life stage.

This is important when you are looking for another job or

trying to figure out what retirement will look like.

Don't be in a hurry. Give yourself

permission to slow down and really consider

your options. This is your future,

and you can create it the way you want it to be.

After consideration, if golf clubs and vacation homes are

what you want, you will be more likely to be happy with

that choice than if you immediately made

those purchases to satisfy what you thought might be a

want. As I am in the midst

of figuring out what I want to do next, I am very aware

of getting caught in staying busy to avoid

facing some of the more challenging questions.

Being impatient or acting too soon does not fix the

discomfort, it just delays it. It will come back.

So I have to remind myself, step away from the

computer, Wendy. Face some of these questions. Figure some

of this out. Try new possibilities. Okay. Number

two giving into fear.

Change can generate a lot of discomfort, as we've talked

about. We call it the fear of the unknown.

Giving into the fear stops us from

seeing the possibilities, the opportunities, and it

stops us from trying new things. I want to

tell you a story that really helped me understand how to step

in in spite of the fear. This

story takes place in the Cayman Islands. I was

down there for a scuba diving trip and some of the

scuba diving we had already done had been just amazing. Beautiful,

beautiful fish, beautiful reefs, not too

deep. On this particular trip,

we'd gone out on the dive boat and there was no land that you could

see. In my point of view, we were in the middle of the

ocean and we all got off the

boat, followed the dive master and started to descend.

And then I saw it looked like she was going into

a cave. And I was filled with

fear. The last place I wanted to be

in the middle of the ocean was in a cave

because if I suddenly needed to surface, I

couldn't. So I was very scared.

And I also realized I was in the

middle of the ocean. I had to follow because

if I surfaced and the boat wasn't there, I was out

there by myself. So I

held back until everybody in the dive

excursion had entered into this cave.

And then with much trepidation,

I proceeded to follow.

It wasn't long before I

got into what looked like the cave that I

realized it was a tunnel. There was

light at the other end and everybody that had

gone into this seemingly cave, which was a

tunnel, had already come out the other end.

And I learned that I could face my fear

and that there would be light at the end of the

tunnel when you look for it.

Big lesson. So

that leads me into tunnel vision.

Tunnel vision is number three and that occurs when you try

to focus on the one thing. All I thought I

saw was a cave. It was not a

cave, it was a tunnel. And when you get fixated on

just one solution or one idea,

you miss all the other possibilities that may be

outside of your field of vision.

For instance, I had a client who was the sales

and marketing director for a small aviation company. However,

the owner was not sharing information with him

and it seemed like the investors were starting to become

uncomfortable with their investment in the firm.

When we started talking about this, the only

option he saw was to push harder for more

communication, more access to clients, more heads down,

more hard work. As he was able to

see that there might be other options

outside of the company he was working for, as well as inside,

he was able to think about more choices.

We always have choices,

even if the choice is not to make a choice.

I encourage my clients to broaden their lens,

to imagine that there are other possibilities

and to name what some of them might be. When

that happens, it is like they suddenly

see sunlight, like they are coming out of the

dark in the tunnel. And amazing new opportunities

and possibilities begin showing up in their lives.

As I mentioned before, I have four opportunities that seem worth

exploring for what I'm going to do next. Maybe there

are more, or maybe a combination of two or three of these

will become the way to go. The ultimate question will

be, which of these opportunities will give my life

meaning and bring me some of the income I

desire?

Number four is the analysis paralysis. Once

people begin seeing possibilities, they may actually

become the victim of analysis paralysis.

This is actually another way of giving into fear. We get

so involved with the Internet now

and Google, and we start researching, researching, researching. We just need to know

one more thing, one more detail before we can make that decision.

And it's the fear of making the wrong decision.

And it can stop us from moving forward because

we just don't know which option to try. We just feel like we don't have

enough information. If you're

the type of person who likes too talk things over, you will also be

getting lots of different opinions and advice from

people that you talk to. And if this happens,

I would encourage you to make a list of the top

three, maybe five things

possibilities in the order that excite you.

Then, starting with the first one, ask yourself,

what do I have to do to make this possibility

a reality? And then

start doing it. Take

some action. It does not mean that

you are stuck with that option, but you will feel more

empowered once you start to move. Look at it as a

science experiment. Test the possible solution.

If it's not the right solution for you, move on to the next

possibility in your list.

And finally, many of us find

that we hold ourselves back with our

idea that I'm very independent. I don't need to ask

for help. I have to go this alone.

And so people that have just lost jobs, suddenly they're on the job

board search. They're not going out of their house to

network. They don't boomer anyone because they don't want to

be a burden. We are humans, and we need

people. We are designed that way. Asking

for support or help takes courage.

Receiving or help or support in difficult times can

nourish you. I decided

to be open about the current transition I'm going through

because I feel your support. Being

part of this hey boomer community is powerful, and I

appreciate the feedback I get from you. I am

here for you, and I know you are there for me.

Transitions can be a time of tremendous personal growth

and a time of learning. I want to

share with you a quote from Eric Roth, who

wrote the screenplay for The Curious Case of Benjamin

Buttons. Remember that show?

It goes like this for what it's

worth, it's never too late

to be whoever you want to be.

There's no time limit. Stop whenever you

want. You can change or stay the

same there are no rules too. This thing,

you can make the best or worst of it. I hope

you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that

startle you. I hope you feel things that you never

felt before. I hope you meet people with a

different point of view. I hope you

live a life you're proud of.

If you find that you're not, I hope you have the courage

to start over again.

So thanks for tuning in today and letting me share with you.

I hope this was useful and meaningful.

Be sure to download the vitality assessment

from the Boomer Biz web page.

And when you are considering travel, check out

roadscholar.org.

Boomer.

Our guest for next week is going to be Dr. David

Bernstein. He is a retired physician and

gerontologist. He's going to talk to us about

living a long, healthy and

fulfilling life, something I think we all aspire

to. And I'd like to leave you with

the belief that we can all live with curiosity,

live with relevance and live with courage. And

remember that we are never too old to set another

goal or dream a new dream.

My name is Wendy Green and this has been in hey,