Hi, and welcome to the Awfully Quiet Podcast. Today I wanna talk about those moments where we want something really, really badly. We want it so badly that we're not set up for success, and that we're almost set up for failure and that we push too hard. We, you know, we're clenching our jaws where our whole body is under pressure to make something happen.

We're all focused on the outcome, and we know in our heart already that it isn't happening for us, and some of these moments tend to happen in our careers, right? When we want a job really badly, when we're going into a job interview where we would like to force the outcome. We are really, really eager. We say yes to everything.

We're all focused on being the person that they want us to be in order for this opportunity to materialize for us. And whenever that happens, whenever we push too hard, what tends to happen is that we don't get what we want, or at least that is my experience. So I wanna talk about. An experience I had in a job interview years ago that just resurfaced in the last couple of days, and I felt like it was worth sharing it here and, and talking about this with you because it just kind of opened my eyes to the right way to approach something that we really want.

And that we feel like it's meant for us. So a couple of years ago, it's been, it, it, it's been almost 10 years ago. So this was right at the beginning of my career. I was still in my bachelor studies and I really wanted to go. Do an internship abroad. Spending time abroad was time of my bachelor studies.

I studied, languages and communication, so spending some time abroad was part of the curriculum. And I could have done like an Erasmus or spending time at a university abroad. And a lot of, people in my year would, you know, go to Spain somewhere in the Mediterranean too. You know, study there. and frankly spend quite a bit of time with other international students, somewhere abroad speaking their own language.

And what I really wanted was go to the us. I had always been drawn to the us. I had spent an old pair experience in the US and, I had set my mind on an opportunity for an internship in California, and that internship took place in Newport Beach, California in Orange County. And yes, the reason I wanted to go, because I had watched the OC and I really wanted to go live in Newport Beach, California, I mean early into my twenties.

That was an absolute dream for me and it so happened that. There was a German real estate agency that, , operates all across the California coast.and they really liked, hiring well German interns because they were originally ger from Germany. And so they would hire German interns, to just also kind of help with German clients and customers there, speak the language, bring in some of the, you know, German traditional flair I guess.

but yeah, it was a great opportunity because, it obviously a chance to, to get an internship abroad and, In real estate in California, I felt like tick, tick, tick, something that I definitely wanted something that was meant for me. Oh my God. Can you imagine? So, needless to say, I. I really wanted it and I would search their job offerings on the daily, I'd be on the website every day.

I would look all across the offices they had across the coast from Santa Monica all the way to, you know, obviously Newport Beach, San Diego. and I would look for openings and there was an opening in Newport Beach. they were looking for an intern and so I applied and I gave it. My best shot. And what I mean by I gave it my best shot is like I obsess over these things when I feel like something is meant for me and I really, really want something.

I'm gonna be whoever you want me to be, in order to get it. So I really went all out applying, making sure that everything was airtight that I send across, you know, my, my cv, my a cover letter that. Really laid out why I really wanted it, why I'm the, the best person for it, how my marketing skills and previous internship skills would've prepared me for this experience in the us, how it'll help my future, how it ties in with my studies and what I can bring to the table for them.

And so, obviously that's always like the first foot in the door. And then you need to get invited to an interview. Which I did. and we did a Zoom, probably was a zoom call back then too. like a virtual, meeting with the manager of the office and the current intern they had employed from Italy actually.

So I had the interview and from my perspective it went really, really well. I was. I was full on. I felt like I did all the right things. I was very friendly. I was kind, I could answer all their questions. I was pleased with the way I, you know, I spoke English obviously back then. yeah, that, that, that was a thing that was a little bit of a barrier, but I felt really, I was really pleased with my performance on that interview.

And so I was even. More shocked, frustrated, disappointed when they came back saying that, they, well, they chose somebody else essentially, that they, were going with somebody else, you know, thank you for applying.but yeah, they didn't. They didn't pick me or they didn't give me that internship that day.

And, you know, I was crushed but obviously replied and said, well, thank you for, interviewing me, for giving me a chance. If anything ever changes, do let me know. I'm, you know, would still be super, super interested. And then a couple weeks went by. I don't actually remember how many, but it couldn't have been too much because I didn't have another internship or experience abroad lined up yet.

and I still remember to this day, I was out with my friend Melanie, who I'm still in touch with, and we were studying together, back then, and we were out at a bar. Suddenly I get an email from that office manager saying that the person they had picked or that, you know, was meant to start with them, do the internship with them, was unable to make it.

And so they would love to reconsider. They thought I was, you know, doing a great job. And, if I was still interested in the internship, I could do it. I could, you know, they would give it to me and I, I got it in the end. And I was so, I was like, you cannot imagine that like we celebrated, we partied.

it was this beautiful moment of, you know, finally getting what I really wanted. Like you can imagine that the, in my early twenties, getting that internship in freaking Newport Beach, California, orange County, I mean, my world opened up and I thought, wow. This is amazing. Like something honestly really did happen for me and I got it.

So that was amazing. I went prepared. Obviously, you know, going and living abroad you need to do a lot of things. There's like this whole checkbox of things that you need to do from applying to a visa to like making sure that, You have the funds, the financial means, to go and live there.

Obviously an internship doesn't pay much. if you find housing there, accommodation, I had completely underestimated how much I need. I was gonna need a car there and all these things, but you know, needless to say, I was over the moon. All of these things felt. Easy to me from that point, because I wanted it so much.

I went and started my internship abroad there. and there was this one moment where something clicked because I, I, I went there. Then the lady who had interviewed me. And the, the other intern that was there at the time, she stayed on with them in sort of like, a more permanent position following her internship.

And we became friends. We hung out a lot. We did a lot of things together. Like obviously I needed to explore all of the OC California, places where they shot. We went to Redondo Beach to see the pier and all of these things. so we spend a lot of time together. And one day we were driving in the car and we talked about my interview, and she candidly shared with me the reason why I didn't get picked in the first place.

She was like, look, Hannah, I'm so glad that I got to know you now because you're so different from the way you showed up to that interview. You were just. So, so eager you, we could tell that you really wanted it and that you were like, over the top, you brought a lot of energy, you were smiling a lot, like you were smiling all throughout the whole thing.

And it was a little creepy. Like it was almost like, you know, who is this lady really? Like? We couldn't really see. Who you were really, because you put on this facade, this, you brought this energy, you smile at everything. You said yes to everything. You basically answered everything correctly. but there was just something that fell off, and this is why.

You didn't get the job in the first place, but now that you're here, now that we're working together, now that you, you know, you're part of the team, you're an entirely different person. We're so glad that this worked out and you're obviously a great fit, but we didn't see that on the day of the interview and, it clicked for me.

And it does make even more sense today than it did in that moment because now I'm realizing how important it is to show up as yourself to an interview, to not put on a facade, to not pretend, to not make yourself anything that you're not, and. To bring the right energy and to bring the right level of confidence, to not overdo things, to not be, you know, not be too eager, not say yes to everything.

and definitely not change yourself to fit a certain, you know, expectation of what you think their expectation is. But you never know what the, what the real ex, the real expectation is for you to show up. The way you are and the way you would show up to work. and that can be extremely difficult. And I know it is, it is difficult for me, it's difficult for any introvert because in interview situations, we're just not ourselves.

We we're just not comfortable. We're, we're stressed out. our nervous system is an all-wheel drive. Anxiety plays into it, it feel it's really difficult to be, to feel comfortable in a job interview. But that being said, I don't actually think that you need to feel a hundred percent comfortable to be yourself.

And I also think that it takes a little bit of practice to get there. It takes a little bit of preparation tool to understand, you know what, how do I come across. Myself, how do I show up in a way that I can deal with the discomfort, I can deal with the anxiety, I can deal with the nerves, but I still feel like my voice is mine.

I still feel like my answers are genuine. I have the right stories to tell. I have the right examples to give. A lot of that comes down to preparation and practice. And I think over the years, even though I've had my fair share of job interviews that didn't go the way I wanted them to go, and a couple of situations where I felt, where I didn't feel like myself, I now have an understanding for what needs to be true.

What is the way I speak, how do I find. A voice, a tone of voice that feels confident to me, that feels like me, and I try to speak in that voice. Now, whenever I record a podcast, I know that Hailey Dawson refers to it as your confident voice. Like what is the kind of, what voice do you speak in when you feel secure, when you feel a certain, you know, a little bit powerful like yourself, you feel like.

You are, I don't wanna say in control of the situation, but you come from a place of in the inner groundedness and, and, and, and feeling confident. and I don't always manage because when I record podcasts, it is still, it is still uncomfortable for me. I still feel. My nerves acting up. I still feel anxious, but whenever I speak in this voice, I feel like at home with myself, I can feel myself.

I can hear through my own tone of voice that things are cool, that I am here, I am safe. Nothing bad happens to me, and as long as I speak from. A perspective of, you know, sharing, genuinely sharing my story. and it hopefully, you know, helps you take some bits away. It feels like it's meaningful and it feels like it's coming from the right place.

And I feel like this. This is the crux. It needs to feel like whatever you say, it comes from the right place. It doesn't come from a place of abandoning yourself. It doesn't come from a place of showing up as somebody else pretending to be. you know, not this kind of energy of like, I'll be whoever you want me to be, but I show up.

I'm kind, I'm genuine. and even if I wanted a little bit too much below the surface, I can still show up. Like myself, I think, I think that is the sweet spot, being yourself, finding your voice, and,

and then at the end of the day, if the opportunity is the right one, you're gonna get it. It's gonna be yours. And, and that is the way, to go about it, I think. I love this story in hindsight because it taught me so much about myself. I wish I had gotten the full learning of it way back when.but especially from today's perspective, I think it helps me a lot understand how we, I should go about things that I really, really want.

Maybe I want too badly because. They look exactly like the, you know, the dream come true. Like obviously back then an internship in Newport Beach, California sounded like that was going to put me on the map, you know, on that, on my CVU. Wow. and it did do some of that, and I cherish that time I spent there.

To this days I still sometimes can't believe I did that and I got to experience that. I grew so much during that time. Like obviously it was not all fun and games. It was not all sunshine and, and, and, and, and partying. Not at all. There was a lot of like, you know, having to go through some of the struggles of living abroad of, you know, how expensive things are, finding accommodation.

I, you know, get, getting a car, but maybe I'll, I'll talk about some of these things in a, in another episode. At the end of the day, it was a beautiful experience. It taught me so much. I got to experience some crazy things, like, like, like really cool things still to this day where I'm like, oh my God, I can't believe I got to experience this.

my friend Melanie ended up doing the same internship in Santa Monica. She still lives in Santa Monica to this day, 10 years later, more than 10 years later, she's been to my wedding last year. This whole experience just kind of brought us together. We had a little bit of overlap. We got to do a little bit of traveling during that time and.

It just feels like it was meant to be. It that was meant to happen and I'm glad I got to experience it and I'm even happier I got to take something away. In terms of that learning of like, be yourself, show up like you already got it. Like you don't need to fight for it. You don't need to. Work hard at, you know, being a person that they will like.

You don't have to be likable. Show up knowing that if it's for you, it's gonna happen for you one way or another. Be yourself. Find your confident voice. Prepare what you're gonna say, how you're gonna say it, and it's yours. Thank you for tuning in today, and I hope I'll see you next week.