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If I could help you with one thing that I have seen time and time again in my life and in my coaching clients lives, that one thing which should be your biggest block is the need for certainty. The need for certainty feels kind of regular, doesn't it? It feels like everyone needs a little bit of certainty. It's very normal. what's wrong with that? But if we uncover that need a little bit more, you're going to find some fascinating things and in this episode, I want to share with you more about that need for certainty, what it is, why we have it, why it becomes or can become a problem, and what to do about it. Okay, so the need for certainty. To be certain. I want my business to grow by so a certain amount by a certain time. want my relationship to be going well. I want this to happen. It's a very natural state. And in my coaching space, I work with individuals. Normally they're around 40, 40 years old plus, they're running dynamic businesses and they've got goals and ambitions. And that is cool. And that's what we work on. We build this stuff. We use psychology, we use human behavior tools. We do all the right things to help this happen. But the reality is, and I'm very clear with everyone I work with, there are no guarantees in life. Of course, there's the old adage of the only two things we can be sure of are death and taxes. And, old as that statement is, it's probably true. The only one that's really true is death. That's the only certainty we can be certain of. And in fact, another phrase which came up many years ago, which says, The only certainty is uncertainty. And that was by yours truly. So certainty, why do we want it? Why do we want to achieve that goal? Whether it's financial, professional, personal, health. We want to feel a certain way. So when we go under the layers, again, I'm not going to say that wanting goals is wrong. It's all good, and we work with this all the time. But the certainty can be a block and it's a surreptitious one. So let's take an example. I was working with a client and she was developing her practice, that she had in her business, a consultancy practice. And I was brought in to really help her up level in her mindset as a founder. And the founder was coming from a sort of cell phone to multiple staff and the business was scaling. And my brief was, help me do that transition. Help me with the psychological tools, overcome the fears and the blocks. It's yeah, absolutely. That's exactly what I do. I love it. But what was really prevalent with this person was she was really craving certainty and it comes out and it shows certainly to someone like me who works with this a lot. It comes out in this. Need. There's a real need. There's something quite strong about it. Like I need this to happen. Not just a want or a desire, but a need. And the other tell is that when things don't go your way, whatever that way is, that there's a very strong reaction to it. Like it's really particularly, maybe it's more than perhaps appropriate. And there's a big tell there, that person's need for certainty isn't just It's nice to achieve my goal. It's, I need this to happen. So what happens with this pattern? And you might be resonating with this and I've been here too. It's very normal, but what we're actually seeking, we're seeking an emotional feeling, which is coupled to a belief, which is coupled to our past data experience. A quick lowdown on how our brain, body, nervous system, the whole process works. When we are young, we are in a very absorptive learning stage, particularly from the years zero to seven. That's what we've seen from human development. Years zero to seven, our brainwaves are often spoke, suggested to be in alpha and theta waves, which are Translate waves that are the waves you might be in hypnotherapy or in a trance, and we're very absorptive. The suggestion as well is that the prefrontal cortex, the smart, analytical part of your brain is not online yet at that age. It's just not able to rationalize. So we go through life at this young stage. pretty much as a very inquisitive sponge, if you were to use a certain phrase that comes to my mind, but we're just absorbing, right? and because we don't have this power to discern and to have intellectual understanding and rigor, we're very emotionally led. So the way this works is whatever happens in your experience, We code it. Neurologically it's coded, like that's a memory. It's coded with a meaning, semantics, and an emotion, feeling. If we have been around stuff, which could be, danger, threat, whether it's physical, psychological, emotional, whatever it is, at a younger age, we shift the baseline. in our stress response. We shift the baseline in our anticipation response. And then what we're finding in our more modern understanding of how humans function is that our mind body system is much more predictive than we know. It's really predicting what it's seeing. So it's pretty much predicting if I see Let's say a failure. If I see something that says I haven't got that certain outcome I want that means and it has a feeling that is and if that means I'm not safe I'm not worthy. I'm not good enough I'm not loved whatever that very deep layer meaning and most of us don't even know it because it's in the subconscious strata But you will know the feeling because it'll be very visceral very body and it won't be nice There'll be a strong feeling and That's the marker. That's the one I'm looking for when I'm working. That's the marker. It tells me there's something deeper at play here. Certainty. The need for certainty. We are hardwired as humans to seek safety. Our brain, nervous system, the amazing system that it is, is always looking for threat detection. That's what it does. Threat detection. In the modern world, most threats are psychological or emotional. you might not win a contract, you may lose money, you may lose face, whatever that is. And it still triggers the same pathways in us that make us feel like we want to run or fight or at worst, shut down. So the need for certainty. There's often this very human, let's see, ego led need to control events outside of ourselves, but that's not the end point. And this is why I find it super interesting to get into this topic. It's not just about controlling the events outside of ourselves. It's because we want to do that for a feeling slash reason. And if you understand what that feeling slash reason is, then you start to see the cycle and the circle that you're on. Back to client with her consultancy, her need for certainty was actually keeping her very small. She wasn't scaling in a way that she needed to. She wasn't investing like she needed to, and she simply wasn't taking the actions. Because her subconscious or non conscious mind, the bit that we can't see, was really driving the show. And her fear was prevalent and present and driving her behavior. And this is why behavior change on its own doesn't really stick. You've got to get onto the subtext, the meaning and the emotion. You get that and then you understand, ah, this is why I won't take risks. Oh, this is why I'm stuck in this position and I keep repeating the problem. It's because we got to go into that sort of subterranean layer of meaning and emotion. But when we get that, then you're really onto something. Then you're onto understanding the need for certainty. is driven by this. So then you can start to become conscious of what was previously unconscious and you can start to move into, let's say a space of not untotal uncertainty, but you're okay. there's space. there's a buffer. And this is what I've worked with with this, client. I gave her a buffer. We helped to have a buffer of yes, of course, we've got goals and objectives, but if there's a buffer it doesn't quite work out or something comes in, then. I'll be okay. And that I'll be okay. Well, I mean, that's autonomy all over, isn't it? It's beautiful. It's powerful. The need to control the need for certainty actually makes us very weak. We're very at the forces of, the market, clients, the weather, pandemics, whatever is coming on that we don't even know. And we cannot even see. So if you are struggling, with something. You're stuck. You're not moving forward. You are not taking action. Are you really caught and bound by this pattern too, about the need for certainty? If so, then I invite you to take a deeper look inwards. Where's we don't need to do psychological archeology as we call it, go back, but it does help to understand its origin. But I think the most important thing is what I see is understand its meaning. When you understand the meaning of the event, When you understand the meaning and the feeling about what do I believe and feel when I'm uncertain, then you will start to see the driving force. And you can't beat it, so there's no point trying to beat it away. But the more you bring this in, the more you face fear and allow it to be, the more fear can translate into focus. So we're going to try and get rid of fear. We want to bring it in closer, but be with it. And understanding is one of the best ways to steady a heightened emotion state. Bring understanding, a bit of rational rigor and understanding what's going on here. And that allows enough buffer, as we've said, to help you be more okay with the uncertain. So, my dear listener, if you're feeling that you need certainty, it's normal. We all crave it. But actually the sweet spot, if you're going to do cool stuff with your life, is to be okay with some uncertainty. And I almost guarantee some of the most uncertain things in your life have probably been the best. It could be you met a partner. It could be that you had, your child, it could be that you got your dog, or it could be that, you know, you lost a business and you set up a new one, which was amazing, or lost a job and you got a better one, you know that, I've been here a million times, and you go, ah, I never saw that coming, and yeah, actually, it was a good thing. So to embrace uncertainty is to understand what drives the fear. And the meaning. When you get that clear and then you can work with the buffer to be okay with a little uncertainty and that becomes a very powerful mix for great results both in your personal and professional life. So my dear listener, I hope if you have been feeling uncertain about it all, you are clearer now and can take some of those steps, put them into action and see what happens. And as always, do let me know what happens. If you have questions, please reach out. If you have results. do let me know. I love to hear what happens with you. The point of sharing knowledge is it gives people the gift to do things themselves. So I really hope this gift is something for you. So until the next time, take care.

Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed the episode, please subscribe. And if a friend would benefit from hearing this, do send it on to them as well. If you would like to get in touch yourself, then you can go to my website. Which is Sal Jeffries dot com, spelt S A L J E F F E R I E S. Sal Jeffries dot com. Hit the get in touch link and there you can send me a direct message. If you'd like to go one step further and learn whether coaching can help you overcome a challenge or a block in your life, then do reach out and I offer a call where we can discuss how this may be able to help you. Until the next time, take care.