For a final episode of the year. We wanted to spend some time, reflect him back on some of the amazing real life guests that we've had on the podcast. People who have agreed to come on and share their stories. Um, we think the stories have been really inspirational. And we hope you do too. So we've lift. Lifted some snippets out of some of those for you here. So we hope you enjoy it. The first set of clips that we've pulled out for you, a bank from episode 14. And that was an episode with penny Ling, a hypnotherapist who. Trained in hypnotherapy and managed to resolve her own fears. And anxieties around driving she talks about her family history of driving her own history of driving, as well as talking a little bit about the techniques that she used and talking about the stress bucket. So how. Having lots of stress in your life can be a factor in driving anxiety.

When I moved out of London and I was living in Redding. There was a lot more pressure to actually go places and drive across town and things like that because public transport wasn't that great. But I also think that a lot of my anxiety, where it was subconscious was the fact that when my parents moved out of London, my mother stopped driving altogether. One of my aunts, did her driving lessons and driving tests about five or six times and failed each one. And my other aunt didn't learn to drive at all. So I think there was a, a real precedent for the women in our family not to drive. And when I started driving. I felt really anxious throughout the whole thing. And that anxiety never really left me. I realized that the way that, that original hypnotherapists had been working. Why it didn't work and having learnt about neuroscience and how the brain worked. I fully understood. Why what I was doing. Well, I was making it worse because every time I thought about driving, I would just bring back all those memories of those near misses and the car breaking down and all the really negative stuff. So it wasn't surprising that every time I sat in the car I essentially had panic attack. In the training they use the NLP rewind and reframe. And so we did the rewind on my driving, and then a week later I wrote out my reframe and my husband actually did that for me. And I got off the sofa, I went to the car, I sat in it, and I was waiting for the panic attack and it didn't happen. I was honestly. I was gobsmacked. I really didn't think that it would work so fast. The stress bucket is essentially a metaphor for the amounts of stress one can live with. So you've got a fairly stress-free life, it means that you've got the ability to get on and do a lot of things. And when something stressful happens, you have the resolve to. Go through it. Whereas if you are in a job that's stressful and ear, you might have a boss that is argumentative. You might be in a marriage. That's not particularly happy, but it's convenient. There may be other issues with neighbors or family members. So the more things are there in your stress bucket makes. Other things like trying to drive really difficult to do. And cause the other thing that driving does is it puts you in that trance state. So you might be driving along the road and you go into that trance and you start thinking about an argument that you had with some month

Yeah,

and that then raises your stress levels.

Our next clip is from episode 27 with Mangler Holland. And Mongla shares with us, her experiences of having an accident quite close to pass in her driving test back when she was 18. And how that resulted in her not driving for the next 30 years. And she explains in these clips a little bit about the physical sensations that come with feeling driving nerves and anxiety. She also talks about the differences between learning to drive. As a teenager. And then coming back to drive in and having some refresher lessons. And there's differences in driving lessons now, compared to back then, And one of the really important elements that she talks about is how. We'll find different things challenging and what might be challenging for one person is easy for somebody else.

and failed my first driving test came home it absolutely distraught in tears. I remember doing hill starts and rolling back down the hill. And I did that about five times in the row. It was really bad. And that stuck with me actually. And I'll perhaps I'll talk about that a bit later. And then so eventually I did pass, probably just about, just turned 18, something like that. When I finally passed my test and I wasn't driving for very long and I had an accident country lane really literally around the corner from my house in my mom's car and wrote my mom's car off. And so it wasn't actually, I mean, what's a bad accident. I mean, the car was written off. Me and the other guy were okay. And it was just, we both came around this blind country lane bend and just head on into each other. And so it wasn't long before I went to university. But it really affected me and it really impacted me and it knocked my confidence for six and I didn't really have my confidence yet either. And I think that was the crucial piece. I'd never really got my confidence. And so I was still in this kind of wobbly learner phase when it happened and it kind of impacted me so much that I think I only drove two or three times after. And I'm a coach, so I've worked a lot with people and supporting them through their areas where they're stuck and where they're not confident. And, and I had to kind of turn it back on myself and go, oh, oh yeah, it's this. And so, and I decided I was coming back. I, uh, I said to my mom and dad, right. It's time to tackle this so I'm gonna buy a car and I think if I buy a car and I've gotta sort this out because when I had those first lessons in Bristol, I just remember like sweating profusely and being aware of all these uncomfortable sensations in my body. And this is the work I do with people is there's a lot of focus on the body and moving things through the body and noticing where we're holding tension and when we're stressed and how that shows up in our body. And so that was, it was like, oh, this is a real practice of all of my work, you know? Oh, I'm clenching my jaw. Oh my shoulders are up around my ears. my pelvic floors, tight. I'm sweating like crazy. Like how can I bring awareness to this and relax, relax my body. Even as I'm learning these skills and trying to have my awareness in all these different places. And my brain's. Trying to cope with all this input coming from all these different directions at once. It's a lot to take in when your brain isn't, used to driving. I think that was the good thing about like the later lessons, rather than the ones I had when I was a teenager. I think in the later ones I felt like I was able to ask more questions and pick their brains like, well, what about this? I've forgotten what that sign means. What about this situation? What would I do if I was behind a tractor, what, if I meet a cyclist and there's a bend coming up and all of these kind of things. So it was like, I don't think when I was 17, I wouldn't have felt as confident to be able to ask those questions and pick their brains. And I. Great. Now that people are being taught, how to think like a driver, because that was what was missing. But at that age, and back then, I didn't know that that's what I needed, you know? So it would've been hard to ask for that. I do notice sometimes if I'm at hill, then my left leg will still shake sometimes just like, while I'm waiting to get going again, it's a body response. And I just, I recognize what it is and I just have to laugh at it. And hopefully one day that'll work itself out. But I, cuz I've done enough work on body and trauma. I know this is just a natural response of the body. Just that's what it's doing. It's okay. I don't need to go into a freak out shaking. It's good to talk about it. As I will often say in my training sessions, when we're talking about confidence, like I'm happy to get on a stage in front of thousands of people or talk about very intimate stuff in a very public sphere. And for most people, that is something that they could, that just gives them nightmares, you know, but for me, sitting behind a wheel was such a big challenge. And so everybody's got something that they, that holds them back when it comes to confidence and it can be worked through every it is.

These next clips are from David back from episode 33. We've spoken to him previously when he was asking some advice and ask him for some help for passing his driving test and following pass in his driving test, he came back on and shared with us some of the things that he felt helped him to get over the line as he puts her. And how he changed his approach looked at things from a different perspective. Looked into the details of why he'd been failing and what he could do differently.

Well, I had four tests, or took four assessments. And, on the fifth one, I took a completely different approach. I looked at rather than sort of looking at the examiner, what he may do or what he might not do or something like that. I literally, I printed off all the test assessment results and analyzed them. It was almost like your podcast last week. I forget what you called it actually, about where you go deep into things and examine, it was almost like a

detective work.

yeah, detective. So I was almost like a detective really. And why, why was I not getting over the line? You know, what were the reasons so. I printed them all off. I went on Google. I retraced all the, the test, uh, what I did, where I went wrong. I think that plan of action really put together, you know, and I worked on it throughout that few days. I know it's a few days, but that. that was significant for me planning, what am I gonna do? How I'm gonna feel, you know, what I'm gonna do if this happens, if that happens. Cause often I, I think it was a little bit nervous, you know? Cause it's funny on the, on the one I passed, I got out the test center. I got to the, the junction I went to turn, right. I slightly hesitated with a traffic that was turning left and right. And I thought, do you know what I dunno? That might be a serious, might be a major, might just be a minor. So I just reprogrammed myself. Stop, just got on with it. on. Where I think before I would tend to let it linger in and probably make more mistakes. But I always think that things had happened for a reason. I was meant to pass when I did, uh, and all these, those years ago. It's probably gonna help me, you know, in some small way.

That made me think, do you think you were ready sort of back on test two or test three?

No, I don't. No, but I I've think Tracy, I, I didn't tell myself that and I probably went into it just think, oh, you know, I can just not just do it easily, but probably didn't put in the, the work that I should have done. If I'd be perfectly honest,

Yeah.

you know, it's almost like a. I dunno, job application and anything, if you don't put the work in you, you're not gonna get what you want out, you know?

The next clips are from Fiona. Who spoke to us about her driving experiences and driving journey, but also most importantly about how she never let her fears and worries about driving, hold her back

it felt like there were friends who just got it. And then there was me who just, like, my brain just wasn't there. I just, I always feel like I wasn't actually developed enough to drive at 18, which sounds mad, but it is the truth. And they put me through the, I I did get through to my first driving test and I failed horribly. And I just decided that I was done. I didn't wanna do it anymore, so I sort of left it. In quite a few years. And then my dad's friend, for whatever reason was like, Oh, we'll let you go around the block. and there was, I literally went into a concrete post in the middle of the car, so it took out the whole car. So I, I, I dunno why, what was wrong with me that I just couldn't stop the car. I was panicking so much, I just couldn't stop it. And then I failed that test. And then since I had did that test, For around must be at least seven years. I had a, at least weekly a dream. I was driving a car and I couldn't stop and it, I actually thought that if I learned to drive, that's how I would die, that it became that bigger thing.

Wow.

So I was like, I'm not gonna drive because this dream every single week is telling me. You just can't stop a car and every night I'd wake up like, cause I just couldn't, The brake wouldn't work. It was just like, even now I'm still getting that like, and it's happened constantly for years and years and years. And then whatever, for whatever reason I think I must have been about, I think I was around 30 cuz that's when I was like, Right, this is it. This is my time to drive. so I thought, Oh, that would be the moment. I'd feel like, yes, I can drive. Oh God. Then this is a thing though. You just feel all right. Okay, that's it. Now I can drive, but I still didn't think I could drive, so I couldn't quite believe I was allowed on the roads after that and I had to go and pick up my car. But I had to go on, um, an, a road on the way back I was. There's just no way I can do this. And I remember doing it and just like sort of screaming like my way onto this A road and it was only five minutes, but you had to come on it to get off again. And I was, I had to stop and be like, I just don't think I can get this car home. And I just all, I was just got so angry at myself about having all this fear that, I'd sort of met some people in Italy and gone out on a holiday and I was like, I'm just gonna drive to Italy because that'll be me done. I'm just gonna drive to Italy. And that's what I did. I drove to Italy going from like, can't go on A road to like, I'm driving across to like the other side of Italy as well, to northeast, like straight through So that's what I've done. But again, with that, I've just pushed myself to be like, I've driven now to Colchester, which. That was like two hour drive each way. And then last week I drove to Cheltenham, which was like 120 miles. So I kind of almost have to do that to be like, Right, I can do it. It's done. You know, challenge over. But then I still have wobble moments where I'm like trying to park and it's so big that I'm like, Oh my God, I can't fit in any spaces, at the gym or whatever. So, but I've kind of like done my induction with it that I'm like, right that's my car. Now I know what I'm doing, I was just terrified of like having a big car There was a real shift in mentality of driving the bigger car. It's really strange. Yeah, it's just I'm not trying to push myself. I'm not waiting for someone to beep me and be like, Come on, move out the way. Cause they see me as slow. And I think also what I realized is when people felt I was slow, it's because their car was fast. So I now realize like, I've got a car that can move really quickly and you're like, Oh, maybe it's not. And or whatever, but just like your car, like my way mine was, if I sort of like was slow off The take, it would take me a more to sort of get going. Whereas with my car now it's just like shhhm. I couldn't correct with, you know, and I'm gone sort of thing. I'm understanding this. It's not always everyone's like that, it's just, Well I probably was slower on the roads than most people. I didn't have anything like this to go to when I was learning to drive them. Cuz you sort of think, oh, well everyone can drive anyone any idiot can drive. That's what. People used to say, you know, when I was learning to drive, my dad would say, Oh, you know, Soandso can drive. And you'd think, Yeah, I, I can understand like what his point is, but it didn't make it easier for me. Cause it was more pressure. Its like where they can drive, like, Oh, I'll drive,

I find them clips of from episode 45 and our conversation with Rosie who talked about how she used coaching. To help her regain her driving Confidence.

I found that after maybe four years of just absolutely no driving and then with a pandemic, there was a delay in exchanging my license. So it took about, Nearly 12 months to get my license exchange. So there was a massive delay before I was even legally allowed to drive once we did have a car. And then when we did have a car, I realized that I wasn't as confident as I was back in Australia. I found that even though the same side of the road, it was very different.

Can you remember the technique or the step that you took that actually was the bit where you went, I'm gonna be able to do this

Doing it I think I know that. Is that such a, you know, a pain thing to say if you're listening to this and you're like, Oh, how do I even get to that? The point. You just have to do it. So I don't like flying, right? But as long as I keep flying, it won't ever really get worse. And I've said I've had really bad flights, uh, in Australia with a lot of turbulence, 45 minute flights where the whole plane just gets shaken and everyone stops talking and you see drinks going everywhere, and you're just like, Okay, but you still kind of need to get to places so you keep flying, right? You might not like it, but you keep. So the same approach I had once I accepted essentially, that I, I had to change, I had to do something. I was not going to wake up and be like, Yeah, I'm an amazing driver. Look at me. Go like, I mean, that would've been nice and maybe that will happen one or 2 million in, in a million. People might have that, but the reality is you just have to do it. So I just did it. Um, and with doing it every day, it got easier. Every time I did it, it got better. even just getting in the car and maybe reversing out and then going back in again. Boom. You've done something. You've gotten in the. car Started it up, you did all the head checks, you know, and then you reversed and entered the driveway. That's better than nothing, I think. I think this idea that we have to be perfect from the first time we do something again or at all, when we first time we do something, really hinders us to do anything at all. So I think really just throwing that idea out of the window that I had to be perfect and just hit the a road or a motorway straight away. Whatever, that doesn't matter. I'm happy for what I have now, and every day I get better at it, you know, and every day life says, Okay, you're gonna have to grow a little bit more. Now I have to do the, a road to, go to work and, pick up, our child from nursery. So I have to do it. There's no way around it. So you grow, they're, they're my stretch goals as I call them, you know? But I think that's really important and most people listening in will probably already have identified perhaps a need for them to drive, a need for them to drive and also a need for them to perhaps get more self confident in their driving. And then I just say, Just get on it.

It's okay to say, I need someone to help me, uh, guide me on, on the next part of my journey, and sooner or later the training wheels come off and you'll find that it's actually been you all along. I think that's really important, to not think that you are a failure for seeking help or that you're a bit odd for doing that. It's the exact opposite, you know? it might be difficult doing the first couple of steps. You will find your life improve and you, it's just, I can't emphasize that enough. Just even starting. It's just amazing. It's just an amazing that you're listening to the podcasts it's just starting. I wish there was more awareness about people who do hesitate to get into the car. And I think I wish more people would acknowledge that it can be a hurdle it's just that sooner or later you, you do need to start to do something to change the status quo. It won't just miraculously overnight change So that just leaves us. Just say a huge, thank you once again, to all of our guests, who've given up their time to come and share their stories with you. And. Have they inspired you? Each of the guests who we've shared snippets from their stories on this episode. Have all overcome. Driving nerves, fears, worries, or anxieties uh, many of them still talk about how it's an ongoing work in progress. It doesn't just happen miraculously overnight. But maybe that will give you some hope that it is possible. To make that change. Um, so. Next week begin new year. We. Have created a short mini series of six steps that we think might help you decide whether getting back on the road. It's going to be your goal for 2023. Um, so we'll be sharing a really short episode with one step each day. For six days, starting from January the first. So hopefully you'll join us then. If you would like to get in touch to then all of our details are in the show notes as always. And until next time, have a great day. Whatever you're doing. If you have enjoyed our podcast, did you know, we can also help you get back on the road to driving confidence? If you want to have the feeling of being safe. Be able to go shopping without relying on public transport. Create more time in your daily schedule. Become a confident driver. Visit friends or relatives that live further away. Drive to and from places of work. Feel safer when driving on faster roads. Then our coaching packages will help you create the easy to follow action plan to your driving confidence. Using our unique drive Calm system within our coaching sessions backed up by the free access to the confident drivers website and all the wonderful tools and techniques it has to offer. You will feel confident that you can take that first step in getting back driving. So if you'd like to find out more information, go to the confident drivers website.