Hi and welcome back to this week's episode of the Wedding Lounge podcast.
Now this week we decided to have a bit of a debate between the two of us over larger weddings.
The birth is more small and intimate weddings that sort of come along since COVID.
Well I think there's lots of different ways you can say a larger or an intimate
wedding and we're not talking about budgets.
No, no, it's like British numbers.
Guest numbers and things like that, like a big wedding with 200-plus people or an intimate wedding.
I'm actually 30.
Before we came on air we have just discussed about you know being a debate we should both take
a clear line, you know. Yeah, proper debate as you would when you were at secondary school.
But then we both said well which side do you want to take?
When I think we both know there's pros and cons to eat them.
So it is going to be a debate but not like a formal.
One between Italian and Conclusion.
And I'm going to start and I'm going to say that I had about 100 guests up to 120 in the evening
for my wedding and we've spoken about things we've changed about our wedding.
Would you say that's a large wedding or an intimate wedding?
Interesting.
I would say that that is more on the larger side.
It's not large like average.
Yeah, but I wouldn't call it intimate.
No, that's quite a good point actually because like a large wedding is like 200-plus.
Intimate, I'd say it's like 50 or less.
Yes, so there's a lot in the middle.
Yes, I would say that my arm is like sort of average.
Average to on the large size.
Yeah, we've got a couple of clients 150 this year or like 70 so it's kind of in the middle.
Yeah.
I actually now having been in the wedding industry feel like,
"Bosh, what could I have done with my budget if I had less people to feed?
If I had less hungry to hire less things?"
And actually I do see the benefit of having smaller number of people
are making it a much more elevated guest experience.
Now there's lots that comes with a smaller wedding.
Mm-hmm.
How do you reduce your guest list down if you've got big families and things?
But I just, I've come around to the way of thinking that actually having,
I'd love to have a client with a smaller wedding where we've got a really high spend per guest.
Did you help me on that one I did for 15 people?
No, I didn't.
Because it needed my help.
No, yeah, I didn't need help on that one.
So you've done that really intimate wedding.
Yeah, which was really lovely and it wasn't a small budget.
No, it was not at all.
I mean, it was still less than they would have spent
had they've had a big, well it's less than she's spent from her 40th.
Yes.
Where she had 70 to 90 people.
Yeah.
I think the hard thing and the biggest hard thing is
narrowing your guest down.
Like where would you draw the line?
Yeah.
Like who, you know, and we spoke on our last episode about marriage preparation
and the fact that the people and your guests that are there
are the ones that are there to support you.
So it's kind of sharing that day and that time
with more people is you basically inviting more people into your marriage almost.
Yeah, I think.
What about having an intimate wedding?
Then a big party.
Like for your first anniversary or something.
Well, there's a few that.
And even like a few weeks.
Yeah, that was a really popular thing.
That's when the moment weddings really came.
Then no one had the parties.
No.
So it was kind of like the...
Would you bother?
Like what...
And I guess it comes down to like the purpose of the wedding.
Was at that point for people to be able to get married.
Yeah.
Whereas this is kind of more discussing about the party and things.
And yeah, I think that's a great way to do it.
And, you know, having a smaller intimate day.
And I guess with those couples
or they don't want all the attention on them.
Yeah.
Or having a destination wedding.
Like my cousin, she's literally just having
her siblings and like that siblings
at the wedding and like parents.
You know, we're not going at all to a destination wedding.
But then I think she'll have a sing.
And not having a program.
She's having a party when she comes back.
I think.
Well, that's been told yet.
I'm happy to ask you.
Thank you.
Next yes.
But there were definitely benefits.
You know, we've spoken about primings.
Having time to speak to guests.
You know, having a more of a weekend wedding.
So you get a chance to talk to your guests.
If you haven't got 30 of you,
you can have that really intimate experience.
Yeah.
You know, if we're saying 30s intimate.
Yeah, I think it's a celebration, isn't it?
And it's it's how large you want to shout that celebration out.
It's what I kind of feel.
And I mean, there was a huge impact on your budget.
Yes.
Having larger numbers.
But it comes down to that.
Where do you place the importance?
Is it on having all your friends in your family bear?
And celebrating that in which case you go with the hog roast
and something really basic?
Yeah.
But then all your friends and family are there or you spend that.
You know, if we're talking about a £30,000 budget,
which I think now is probably just below the average.
Yeah.
What that would get you for 20 guests?
As opposed to 100.
I've granted a head as opposed to 200 guests.
Yeah.
Which is where the mask is going to be really bad.
Yeah.
£150 a head.
Yes, £5,000.
£250,000.
Put that cover, you know,
if you're sitting down having a three-course meal,
that's the cost of a three-course meal.
Yeah.
And that's it.
No venue.
No gym, no gym, no gym, no gym, no gym, no nothing like that.
That's one of the differences.
But if you want to have those people,
then you spend less on your food.
And you go for £30,000.
And you go for the casual.
You go for the really casual thing.
Casual food.
I just...
It's being surrounded by all those loved ones.
And you know, like,
Chris and I are party.
Have those.
Yes.
Party have us.
We're party have us not party goers.
We've got lots of friends that are party goers
and not party have us.
But we just want everyone
all in one space.
All the people we love to share that with.
And that for us is what makes an occasion.
And I think for lots of people that consider a larger wedding,
that is what it is.
So I guess if you're unsure what you want to do,
then that's how you kind of got to think about it.
Is do you want all those people there to celebrate with you?
Or are you not fussed about that?
And we'd rather and more.
Well, the tricky one, isn't it?
It does come down to the people on the budget.
But ideally, you have the guest experience
of an intimate wedding for your 150.
Yeah, for your 100.
Yeah, 5 grand ahead first.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
But I think why I'm so interested in intimate weddings
is because I'm not planned one before for a client.
I just, in my head,
I'm picturing like, logistically,
you can just do a bit more when you've got less people.
You know, like, I think moves quicker.
Like, under a pergolaer, like, in someone's garden,
instead of having to, like, find a venue in a marquee
or, you know, in, like, more intimate location
and just do something more unique.
Yes, yeah.
I feel like when you've got less people,
you don't need the biggest space.
You can be a bit more creative, maybe.
Yeah.
With a smaller budget.
Obviously, if you've got a limited budget and 150, 200 guests,
the world is, you know, you can still be.
But you're still limited on where you can host
that many people, like, unless you've got the space at home.
But that's, you know, most people that married at home
know they're going to get married at home from the age of about five.
Yeah.
With a very different thing, like, you still got to source
the venue and the space.
Yeah.
In order to host that many people.
Yeah.
Regardless of the numbers.
Yeah, I don't know why.
In my head, I pitch intimate, like, winter.
And I don't know.
It's really funny.
Yeah, and cozy.
And just, it's not someone under a pergola having a nice bit.
No, like, before they left.
Yeah, well, or like, in the summer.
I don't know.
I just think of more, like, intimate occasions, I guess.
But I think it comes down to the people and your budget.
And what you guys like, like, some people, as you say,
don't want to be sent to tension.
Some people may come from a huge family.
And there's just so many politics involved with that
that are easier to go, no, like, I'm stick to a set amount.
Yeah.
So, yeah, you, you know, it might be easier with family politics
to do smaller number of deaths.
And then cut out everyone else.
It just, it depends.
It depends on your family situation and your friend.
And on that, though, if you family want to invite people.
Yeah.
Like, that is going to limit you as well.
Especially if you've got parents at pain.
Yeah.
And they want to invite a certain number of people,
which are ticket less so now.
Yeah.
than before.
But that's an etiquette thing.
So, if you've got your mum wants to bring 30 people.
Yeah, I want to have a 50 person wedding that.
And you leave your eyes with realistically actually 10 couples.
Yeah.
Because most people are in couples now aren't they?
Like, it does become quite tricky to set those limits.
Yeah.
I think with an intimate wedding, you've really got to be sure
in your guest list.
Because you want to make sure that those people who are there,
probably people you really want there.
Yeah.
And my dad's got invited to a lunch recently for a friend's
officially year working for British Airways party.
Well, there was six of them.
And there was no other halves.
So, it was like a lunch they hired a chef in.
And I thought that's a bit weird.
Like, there's really six of them when you just make it 12.
But it was no other halves.
Although, like, my stepmom's known for years as well.
So, going intimate with your guest numbers.
It's really got to be careful about plus ones and things.
Because as you say, everyone is couples.
So, that's not just one person, it's two people.
I mean, we had 250 people at our wedding.
Yeah.
We still had a no-ring, no-bring policy.
Yeah.
And that's something I say to my couples as well.
Like, if you're struggling to get your guest members right,
have a no-ring, no-bring policy.
Yeah.
Unless you'd invite them individually.
Yeah.
If they're not engaged, don't feel you need to invite
your best friend's girlfriend, especially if you'd never met her.
Yes.
Yeah.
I think we had more of a, if we'd met them, then they could.
I think it should be a thought process if you'd had them around for dinner.
Yeah.
Have you seen them in the past year?
Those are the kind of questions you should be asking.
If you're limited on numbers.
Yeah.
Yes, on that one.
And then, like, it's to work, colleagues and things like that.
You can interpret it and get probably cut out.
Yeah.
All of them.
mates.
Yeah.
And have, like, your friends.
The one that you assisted me on last year, where we had in September,
they had 120, 130 to the day, and then they had 250 or so to the evening.
Yes.
That works quite nicely.
Yeah.
Because your budget per head for an evening gets
as much, much lower than it is the daytime dress.
So, if you want to have the big party.
Yeah.
You want to have an intimate wedding.
That's quite a nice way to go about it, rather than splitting it over a year,
and then not necessarily having the party.
Yeah, you could do small, you could even get as far as doing small
ceremony, small dinner, and then party.
I think they even wanted, I mean, the bride definitely wanted less to her ceremony.
It just wasn't, they couldn't reduce the numbers down any further.
And it's one of those things, isn't it?
Like, that's how you need to sort of look at it,
is you either go really, really small while everyone.
Yes.
Or you go big, go home.
Yeah.
How come just going back to your really small wedding of 15 people last year?
How come your couple decided to go for a really small number?
Considering she had, she had a much larger 40.
We already had the large 40, yeah.
She felt like she'd done that.
Yes, she didn't need a big party.
She'd had the big party wherever everyone was there to celebrate her.
Yeah.
And I don't think she felt she necessarily needed to do that again.
Was that her husband?
Was he at the 40th?
No, they went together with that.
Yeah.
But he second married for him, right?
So again, I think that had a big impact.
They wanted to hire a house the weekend with just their family.
It was literally their immediate family.
So her parents, his parents, siblings.
Yeah, that was it.
That was all there was.
Which was, and it was really lovely.
But it was totally different.
Asian, they sat down, they had dinner.
There was no dancing, there was no...
It was a beautiful meal.
It wasn't a party.
So I guess you need to think if you want to go into that.
What's that celebration?
Yeah, do you still want the dance afterwards?
Do you still want to be the one that had 30 guests?
Yeah.
Dance in the evenings.
From the evening.
The atmosphere wasn't there.
Yeah.
It was just a bit, we just felt a bit flat.
Yeah.
I think if your focus is very much on a meal
in a celebration over a meal, it works.
Yeah.
What I think an intimate wedding in a traditional
how we know a wedding set up with, you know,
the wedding and the wedding breakfast
and the dancing and the evening and the first dance and stuff.
It's a bit odd.
It's long if you've got small numbers there.
Yeah, because you don't need that drinks reception.
And then the dinner and then...
No.
Evening.
That's really true.
Actually, that's a really good point.
To think about is, if you want small and guest numbers,
do you want to do the whole spread of a wedding day?
Yeah.
Just make him of a ceremony and meal celebration.
I mean, my mum used to say that when she went to weddings
and she was sort of our age,
probably a bit younger than us.
It was traditional to obviously have a ceremony
and then almost not even a lunch sometimes,
just like a drinks reception.
And then that was it.
Yeah, it would be the end of my in laws how to say had that.
And then they went off.
And they decided to surprise.
I think it was his parents
going out for dinner or something in the evening of their wedding
and they were having their own blooming parties.
No.
Invited it to the party after our own wedding.
I love it.
He just had drinks reception afterwards.
And it was a wedding.
I mean, we were guests, but we went to up in Scotland
where he had quite a lot of people.
He was the father of the bride needed to invite.
Yeah.
So they did it a very traditional way
and then all those guests.
So they all came to the wedding ceremony.
The drinks reception.
There was a speech at the drinks reception.
And they all left.
And there was 120 of us at the stage for the meal and the evening.
Yeah.
So they kind of did it the other way around where, you know,
all these people, the rillity and things like that.
Yeah, they had to invite, came and did that bit.
It's the same with the royal wedding.
Yes, the size of a royal wedding.
Not all those people go and celebrate the rest of the evening
afternoon.
That's just that's the formalities.
Yes.
Yeah, the wedding isn't actually a party.
Like we treat it nowadays.
They do an intimate one and do something.
Like the formal dinner or the drinks reception.
Yeah.
I think, yeah, that's a really key point to think about
not necessarily having smaller guest numbers
and then trying to get that party out this evening.
Yeah, it just wouldn't work, I don't think.
So I think if you want to have an intimate wedding,
you can't have an intimate,
well, it just doesn't work.
It's like when you have a dinner party around your house
and you have 10 people.
Yeah.
Then go up and dance that.
I don't know.
Well, it's 20.
They are and how much we had to create.
Games, yeah, a new...
Yeah, it's a different shine for the evening.
Yeah, it's a different feel.
Yeah, it is.
And you've got to guess, think,
not just about who you want to invite,
but vibe and the feel of your wedding.
Do you want party party
or do you want like an intimate sort of evening experience?
To party, then.
Really?
I mean...
As in, like, I don't...
Like, I wanted to party.
Yeah, I don't know.
I want different attentionals.
But just maybe now, I don't think I'd stay up that late.
I'd be like...
In bed by nine o'clock.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think I'd be in bed by nine o'clock, too.
There is just...
Just thinking about what you want, really.
It doesn't really turn into much of a debate, has it?
No, it has a conversation.
Basically, intimate weddings are a certain type of person
and a big wedding is for a certain type of person.
Yeah, I think it's just...
You're not disagreeing.
Or, I don't think I could go back and have an intimate wedding.
I don't think I could not...
I don't think that's a celebration.
Yeah.
That, like, we have everyone there.
And, yes, as my dad rightly pointed out to me,
I had one minute and 23 seconds on my wedding day
to talk to every guest that was there.
That was it, and that would be a whole evening spent.
It's still...
I mean, actually, I could probably call about 50 people from this.
I'm not going to lie.
I mean, I'd have very different people.
Yeah, but that's not...
Yeah, that's life.
That's what you spoke about that before.
Yeah, I don't know who I'd invite if I had an intimate one, actually.
To be honest, it's...
You've got to be a bit more picky with your guest this time, don't you?
This has six good parents.
Last 12 people...
Well, yeah.
We've even started plus his parents, plus his brother.
13 Ashes.
Yeah, 13 Ashes.
I think you might be able to have an intimate one if you weren't my encryptment.
No, no, no, no, no, yeah, maybe.
But I don't know.
I don't know.
I just think it...
It's a celebration that you want to share with the people
that you want to support you in your married life.
Yeah, whether that's a small number.
And that's a large number.
That for me, if you reduce that down, you're reducing down your village to support you.
Yeah.
That's my closing argument.
That's your closing argument.
And I can see the cog's timing.
I know, I actually would agree with that.
Actually thinking who, from my wedding,
I think I was my village.
And who was there because I had to be kind of thin.
As in life.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, we really had a bunch of 20 guests.
A lot of family.
Which are there, aren't there?
Right.
Yeah, interesting.
But then I'm thinking of guestless and going intimate.
Savannah's first birthday party.
We had 80 guests.
Oh my god.
There's me saying I can have an intimate wedding.
I could even do an intimate first birthday.
It was closed COVID, it was 2021.
I'd not had that baby shower.
Not seen people during my pregnancy.
Not really seen them in the last year that much.
You know, because it was so COVID, you know, restriction.
So COVID.
They gave it.
That should be like a spray.
That's so cold.
Why do you miss rains?
It's like so, it's not big.
Great impulse to show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so COVID.
I haven't shown our age.
So, yeah, yeah.
So I ended up just having everyone.
We had like tin bar, whole grossed 80 people.
Is that any individual?
But that's more of a party for you guys.
Yeah, it was.
Yeah, for her.
So yeah.
And then again, Xavier's christening.
He had a big christening.
Savannah's a COVID christening.
We only had that actually for that.
We had a big christening of like 75 people.
I mean, isn't a lot.
That is a lot.
But it's not an intimate.
I wouldn't even call it an intimate wedding.
No, it's just crappy.
Maybe I wouldn't be so good.
We had a 150 people for a christmas 40.
Yeah, I can't do intimate.
No, and that was just his mates.
Yeah, I was only allowed to invite like a few of my own.
I think I like the idea of an intimate wedding.
And I think I like to have the top hand one for someone
where we have a really good healthy budget
for like a real intimate guest experience.
Real focus on the guest.
But in reality, me personally, I like the idea of it.
But I don't think I'd practically be able to actually
narrow down a guest list.
No, I think I'm fending people.
Certain type of, yeah, certain type of person.
There you go.
Certain type of person.
But they sit sound like it's negative.
No, just people are different.
People are different.
And if you know dancing till two o'clock in the morning
isn't your thing, then maybe an intimate wedding is for you.
Yeah.
But then some people find like smaller guest numbers
makes it more about them.
They're actually like getting lost in a bigger party.
Yes.
But there we have it.
Lots of food for thought, hopefully on pros and cons.
And I've thought about things of an intimate wedding
that I hadn't thought about for party aspect.
So hopefully that's given you some insight.
Not much of a disagreement between the two of us.
There we are.
I don't think there's going to be any disagreement.
So join us next week when we have another interesting guest on all of you.
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See you next season.