The other day, I was in a group of really successful women

talking to them about their businesses and things like that.

And I asked the question of, if you didn't need to work, if you had a really

good private income, what would you do?

And half of them looked at me as if I was mad.

And they said, well, we wouldn't be doing this.

And I was really shocked.

I turned to the person next to me and we were like, we would, we'd

be doing this a hundred percent.

And some people were saying, well, why would I, when there's all

this other stuff I want to do?

And some people were saying, actually, what else would

I do if I didn't do this?

And I realized that actually none of us had it right.

And I think in healthcare our jobs are so important to our identities,

to our sense of self, to our sense of worth to our place in the world,

to our status, to our significance, that to think about not doing it

anymore is really, really scary.

But then neither is the other extreme, to actually not enjoy what you are doing

so that you are only doing it for the income, so that if you had enough money,

there's no way you touch it with a barge pole wall that can't be right either.

And it got me thinking, well, what if there's a middle ground?

And how can we think about it differently?

Because the problem is if we put all our significance and worth into our

jobs, then we are gonna be sorely disappointed when we fail or when

it's not up to scratch or when the workload just means it's impossible

for us to do a really good job, or when we become ill, or when we decide

to have change and leave, it doesn't just feel like a change in roles.

It feels like a change in identity and a shift in our entire personality.

Or if we get a complaint, it means that they're not just criticizing

something I did in my role, they're criticizing me, and that's where I

start to feel that I am not good enough.

I am not enough, and that's where shame kicks in.

At the other extreme, if I'm just doing something because it's giving me an

income and I don't enjoy it very much, then boy, is that gonna be a drag.

I'm gonna hate every minute that I'm doing it.

I'm gonna be cutting corners, I'm gonna be just going through the motions,

and it's going to be a profoundly depressing thing going to work.

But when we get this right balance of doing something, yes,

because it gives us the income that we need, but also because we

really enjoy what we are doing.

It is giving us energy, it's making us feel good, it's hitting our values,

our skills, and we're not just doing it either because we've gotta get an

income or because it, it's what gives us identity and significance in life,

then I think that's a sweet spot.

This is a You Are Not a Frog quick dip, a tiny taster of the kinds of things we

talk about on our full podcast episodes.

I've chosen today's topic to give you a helpful boost in the time it

takes to have a cup of tea so you can return to whatever else you're

up to feeling energized and inspired.

For more tools, tips, and insights to help you thrive at work, don't

forget to subscribe to You Are Not a Frog wherever you get your podcasts.

Now, recently in the realm of positive psychology, the concept of flow has

been talked about a lot, and it seems to be that the more flow that you can

get in your life, the happier you are, and more flow that you find in your

job, the greater your job satisfaction.

Now flow has been described by the psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

As a state that you are in where time stands still, you are completely

engrossed in what you are doing and you are absolutely loving it.

So you can get into flow, particularly when you are learning a new skill,

if you're playing a game, a team sport, but you can also get into it

if you're doing something you really love, like a really good conversation.

I can get into it when I'm recording a podcast 'cause I really

love doing this sort of thing.

So you can fly, find, float in lots and lots of different things.

And side note, flow is different for different people.

So some people love playing board games.

I hate board games.

That doesn't get me into flow at all.

But for some people it's brilliant.

Some people get into flow playing a musical instrument.

Some people get into flow just walking and talking.

So what gets one person into flow doesn't necessarily

do it for somebody else.

So let's stop assuming that we're all the same and we all

need exactly the same thing.

And also, side, side, side note, that's where we become

a cropper with delegation.

So we think that if we are delegating an activity that we don't like at work

to somebody else, we are dumping on them 'cause we hate doing it so much.

But what if we are delegating some of our stuff to somebody

who absolutely loves doing it?

I was on a, a training day, we were talking about how to design a career

you're gonna love, and we were talking about working your zone of genius and

it turned out that one of the GPs on the course absolutely loved doing admin.

Loved it.

She said she would rather do admin than face-to-face clinics.

And someone else said, oh my goodness, I hate admin, but I love seeing patients.

If we could work in the same place, you could do more of my admin.

I could do more seeing patients.

That would be a match made in heaven, right?

But so often we think that we've just got to do absolutely everything, or

that's the way our roles are set up and we don't think about, well, what

is it that I absolutely love to do, and what is it that somebody else loves

to do and how can we divide the work?

So we're all working in our zone genius, doing the stuff that we're

best at and we really love doing?

That's a topic for another podcast.

But my point is don't assume that just 'cause you find flow in one

way, someone else finds it in exactly the same way, or that they're

not gonna find flow in the thing that you absolutely hate doing.

So back to the conundrum about doing a job purely for the identity and

status that it gives you, or doing it purely for the money, how do we find

a good halfway house and what's the best way to start to think about this?

Well, I'd like to try some thought experiments with you, and as you're

listening, if you've got access to a pen and paper, you might

wanna jot some thoughts down.

Now, I know a lot of you listen to this when you're driving home or you're

walking the dog, so you won't be able to do that, but we'll put all these

questions in the show notes so you can refer back to them if you want to.

Now, I love thought experiments and they've genuinely led to

changes that I've made in my life and things that I've been doing.

So, for example, somebody once asked me, if you won the lottery tomorrow

and had millions and millions of pounds, what would you do differently?

And I thought to myself, and I thought the first thing that popped into

my mind was, I'd get a housekeeper and a cook, because I hate keeping

things tidy and clean and I don't mind cooking, but when I want to do it.

But the thought of having to, you know, plan the meals and cook every

day is, is really tricky for me.

And I hadn't quite realized that that was so important to me.

And then I thought, well, okay, I don't have millions and millions

of pounds, but what of that could I imple implement now in my life?

And I ended up thinking, well, actually I do quite enjoy cooking.

What I don't like is planning the healthy food all the time.

So what if I got a meal box for a few meals a week?

And yes, it's more expensive than doing a regular shop yourself, but you don't

need to be a millionaire to do that.

And I've ended up getting a meal box, and as a result we

have healthy food quite often.

I don't mind cooking it 'cause it doesn't take very long, but it's

already been done for me and planned, and there's a better variety and

there's some quite interesting recipes.

Now side note, my son doesn't always appreciate the amount of kale

and healthy stuff we are having.

and sometimes I have to add chips and stuff like that, but it means

I'm getting nice, nutritious food and I don't have to worry that I'm not

feeding the rest of the family properly.

So just by doing that thought experiment, it helped me think about

actually what could be possible now, even if that criteria isn't met,

like winning the lottery and having millions and millions of pounds.

So, I'm gonna present you with a few thought experiments and

why these things are important.

So let's just start with that one, right?

If you won the lottery tomorrow, like a significant amount of money, 500

million pounds, you won that tomorrow, what would be different for you?

Would you work or wouldn't you work?

And if you did work, what would you be doing?

What would be different at home?

What sort of help would you get?

What tasks would you pay somebody else to do?

What tasks would you keep doing yourself 'cause you love doing them?

Would it change how much you worked or when you worked?

What would be the first thing that you would drop if you

won the lottery tomorrow?

So have a think about that question.

The second question is very similar, doesn't involve money,

but involves the magic wand.

And this is actually a coaching question I ask quite a lot.

If you could wave a magic wand, what would be different?

What would be happening?

So a lot of people would say, well, if I could wave a magic

wand, then I would have all this money and I wouldn't need to work.

But some people might say, well, if I could wave a magic

wand, then my relationship would be better with this person.

If I could wave a magic wand, there would be no restrictions on this.

What else would happen if you waved a magic wand and all the

blockers and barriers were removed?

What are those blockers and barriers that you would want to remove?

I might say, if I could wave a magic wand, I'd have a full team

of people that were absolutely 100% knew all the different little

bits of tech that we were using.

Well, actually, what's the next best thing that we could do for that?

You might say that if you could wave a magic wand, there would be

people to delegate things to that really knew what they were doing.

Well, actually, how could you do that without a magic wand?

What things have you tried already?

What conversations have you had?

If it's a relationship that you want to make better, well,

how much time and effort have you put into that relationship?

Maybe it's just a question of inviting that person out for a coffee and

saying, look, I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but should

we just start again and just tell me what's going on for you right now?

My next question, and this is a good one, what if everything you did was

successful and you couldn't fail?

What if you couldn't fail?

What would you do?

Would you start a charity?

Would you set up this service?

Would you try doing this particular thing?

If you couldn't fail, if you knew you were gonna be

successful, what would you do?

This thought experiment?

It just removes that anxiety about what if I fail, what if I'm not good enough?

Well, if you knew you couldn't fail, what would you do?

What are the needs that you see out there?

What do you know would mean a lot to you and you would try?

Have a look.

And what are the things there that you've written down, and how much is

fear of failure just holding you back?

Is that telling you anything about your real heart's desires about

what you wanna do and how can you mitigate against that fear of failure?

Sometimes it's just doing it anyway.

Sometimes it's saying, okay, well this type of failure would be really bad.

What can I put in place so that that's not gonna happen?

Sometimes it's like, well, okay, maybe I just need some training.

So that's a really good question.

Have a think about that.

Now, the next one is the reverse of that question, and I heard

Seth Godin talking about this, and I'm a huge fan of Seth Godin.

He's this sort of marketing guru, but he, uh, writes these incredibly

helpful, really short mini blogs just about life in general and he said

that he often asked this question.

How would you approach something if you knew you were gonna fail?

That's a really interesting one, isn't it?

Because so often, like in the previous question, we don't do

stuff 'cause we think we might fail.

Well, what if you knew you were gonna fail, what would you do?

Does it mean that you actually wouldn't even try in the first place?

If you knew you were gonna fail, what would you put in right at the beginning?

And does that mean that you really, really wouldn't do it?

So a really silly example, I'm learning to play tennis properly at the moment.

Now, if I said to myself, I have got to be number one in the club,

great, that's something to aim for.

Never gonna happen.

But I know I'm gonna fail.

I know I'm gonna fail.

Does that mean I'm not gonna do it?

No.

It just means I'm probably gonna let myself off the hook for not winning

every match, for missing the occasional backhand volley, things like that.

You know, we know that actually most of the stuff we do is gonna fail.

Most businesses don't last.

A lot of what we do doesn't last and eventually fails.

So, for example, most politicians end up failing eventually, right?

Does that mean that you don't try along the way?

That's an interesting thought experiment.

Just play with that and let me know how you get on.

Here's another one.

What if your job was just a job?

You get paid if you do it to a certain standard.

And you don't get paid if you don't do it.

And there are defined tasks that you have to do, and your

progress was measured by bots.

You were just assigned a number.

No one knew who you were, nobody praised you, just the bots decided.

Have you done it up to that spec or haven't you?

Now this question again was in part influenced by Seth Godin.

He talks about this concept of spec.

What is the specification for the tasks that you need to do?

Because if I'm honest, in healthcare, we have this spec that

we have to be absolutely perfect.

Everything has to be done to the highest ability, and it is great to aim for

excellence, and there are some times.

When you absolutely want that, particularly when it comes to specific

things in patient care, like filing test results or maybe doing an operation.

But there are some things that spec can be at a lower spec, you can give

the bare minimum, and that is enough.

You need to work out what those are, and in your job, how much of your

stress is caused by feeling you've got to do things that aren't really

defined, going over and above, and all these oughts and shoulds?

But what if you were told you've got to see this many patients, you've

gotta deal with this many things, once it's done, it's done, you don't

have to do that extra stuff, the only thing that's measuring you is a bot.

They're not giving you gold stars or anything like that,

they're just saying, done or not.

What would you be focusing on doing, and how would that change your attitude to

your work if your job was just a job, much the same as going and p Pucking

magazines in a factory, you get paid by the number of magazines you pack and

that's it, and you've got to reach a certain amount, once you've done that,

you're not gonna be paid more or less.

You've just got to reach your spec, how would that change

how you approached your work?

So let's hold onto that one a little bit more.

So what if.

All the validation you got was outside of your work, how would that

change how you approached your work?

What if, and these are little sub mini thought experiments, what if nobody knew

what you did and you had no job title?

How would that change how you approached your work and how

you thought about your work?

What if once you were done, once you've done enough, doing

more doesn't change anything.

You don't get thought of better.

Outcomes aren't any better, once you're done, you're done.

What if nobody knew it was you doing it, it was just faceless?

And what if you'd derived your enjoyment of life from stuff

that you did outside of work?

What if all the hobbies that you did that was what gave you your

validation and your motivation?

What if your performance and your status was.

Decided by the people that knew you at home, by your friends and your

family based on how they interacted with you rather than based on

what you did, how would you score?

I'm laughing because I'm not sure I'd score that well, to be frank.

And here's my final thought experiment question.

What if your success was measured by how well you looked after yourself?

So if I think about my robot Hoover which comes out, pootles around

and sweeps the floor downstairs.

One day, and I've talked about in this podcast before, so I'm not gonna

tell the story in huge detail again, but one day my robot Hoover, Brian

just stopped under one of the chairs and said, robot is outta battery.

Now, normally Brian looks after himself, he goes back to his docking station,

he gets all the dirt sucked out of him and he recharges the battery.

He can only do a good job of sweeping if his sweepers are working properly

and he's getting around properly and he's got a clear space to work.

So I judge him by the good job that he does, and that only gets

done well if his filters are clear and he's got enough battery.

So what if you were judging your work purely by the way that you looked after

yourself and you practiced self-care?

What would that look like?

So what do you do?

Once you've got all your answers?

Well simply just take a minute, let it all sink in, and think to

yourself, what is this telling me?

What is this saying to me about what I really want?

Then you can ask yourself, so is this also telling me

about what's holding me back?

What blockers are in the way?

Now, there might be some really substantial, very concrete blockers

like finance, income, family situation where you live, all that sort of stuff.

But there might be some things that you could change that you do have

control of that maybe aren't so big.

Ask yourself what needs to change for this to become a reality?

And it might be nothing to do with finances.

It might be to do with a conversation, or it might be to do with getting

some training in something, or just even taking a risk.

And finally, you need to ask yourself what things are in my control?

That I could do now, that I could put into place right now.

So all these different things are just different ways of

looking at the same issue.

And the real issue I think, is that we find the vast majority of identity

in our work and in what we do.

So then if things go wrong, if it feels difficult, it feels like

a personal attack on us rather than just a bad day at work.

All these questions will just start to loosen the roots of the hold that our

work has on us and will help us maybe try and look for identity elsewhere.

Now, if you've got the opposite issue, that you are just going to work because

it gives you an income, then think about how you can start to find more

enjoyment and motivation in what you do.

How can you find more flow?

What are the activities that you really, really love to do?

And how can you craft your role so you're doing more of what you

love and less of what you hate?

Because frankly, if you are in a role where you are doing 80

to 90% of stuff that you don't enjoy, you are in the wrong role.

Go find something that suits you better.

So I'd love to know what thought experiments do you do to challenge

your thinking around this?

Have any of these things I've suggested made sense to you?

Have any of them moved you on?

And over the next few days and weeks, just find the question that brought you

the biggest insight and just ponder it.

Ask other people.

Ask your friends and ask your family.

For me, it's what if you viewed your job as just a job?

Because we need to reclaim ourselves as human beings who are here to live and

exist on this wonderful planet in our one wild and precious life, not just

human doings, workhorses who are here to provide a service to everybody else.

Whilst acknowledging that our jobs bring us huge amounts of joy and satisfaction,

let's get the balance right.