1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,600 I have makeup on my face that is somewhat of a victory 2 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:07,560 because I have not done that in a while because I've just wanted to sit 3 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:11,280 in a comfy hole of my blankets. I do not want 4 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:15,040 our children to have a preferred parent. That said, 5 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:17,840 all of the dogs should like me better because I am better. 6 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:22,360 Can you go away for a minute? Hey, stop bullying me. Stop. You're bullying me. 7 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:26,200 I don't like it. Hi, everybody. I'm Lauren 8 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:29,680 Howard. I go by L2. Yes, you can call me L2. 9 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:32,860 Everybody does. It's a long story. It's actually not that long a story, but we'll 10 00:00:32,860 --> 00:00:36,380 save it for another time. Welcome to Different Not 11 00:00:36,380 --> 00:00:40,100 Broken, which is our podcast on exactly that. That 12 00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:43,340 there are a lot of people in this world walking around feeling broken, and the 13 00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:45,500 reality is you're just different, and that's fine. 14 00:00:47,740 --> 00:00:51,180 So we took a little bit of a break, which doesn't reflect the 15 00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:55,100 episodes that have been posted, because if there's one thing I'm fairly good 16 00:00:55,100 --> 00:00:58,620 at, it's talking. When you put a 17 00:00:58,620 --> 00:01:01,940 microphone in front of me, I tend to just do that. And so we had 18 00:01:01,940 --> 00:01:04,800 a backlog of episodes so that we could post. But I took a bit of 19 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:08,440 a break because the last couple of weeks, months, years, this year, 20 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:12,360 past year, five years, decade, something like that. Every 21 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:16,080 time I try to quantify what part of my recent life has 22 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:19,759 been wild, I keep having to go back further. Last 23 00:01:19,759 --> 00:01:23,360 month, well, probably the last two months. Mostly this year. 24 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:27,160 Well, since 2016, it's kind of 25 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:30,910 hard to, like, figure out what the stopping point is. But we did take a 26 00:01:30,910 --> 00:01:34,590 break, which, if you have the capacity to do, I highly recommend doing it 27 00:01:34,590 --> 00:01:38,270 because it was good to have less to think about for a short 28 00:01:38,270 --> 00:01:42,110 period of time. And let me be honest, like, less to think about is like 29 00:01:42,110 --> 00:01:45,950 saying there are fewer drops of water in the ocean. Like, 30 00:01:46,110 --> 00:01:49,750 by magnitudes, not that much. But it did take a couple of 31 00:01:49,750 --> 00:01:52,990 things off my plate and also turned off the part of my brain that is 32 00:01:53,150 --> 00:01:56,830 constantly generating things. Like, once you start. If you've created content, 33 00:01:56,830 --> 00:02:00,670 you know this. Once you start creating content, everything has 34 00:02:00,670 --> 00:02:04,310 the potential to be content. And then there's just a part of your brain that 35 00:02:04,310 --> 00:02:07,230 is, like, constantly mining for it and just being able to say to that part 36 00:02:07,230 --> 00:02:10,390 of my brain, like, take a nap. Did release 37 00:02:10,790 --> 00:02:14,590 some stuff, so that's good. But I will be very honest, and 38 00:02:14,590 --> 00:02:18,430 I think it's probably important to say this, because I'm sure there are 39 00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:22,190 other people in very similar situations. Maybe not with podcasts, 40 00:02:22,190 --> 00:02:25,830 but with jobs. And responsibilities and family 41 00:02:25,910 --> 00:02:29,750 and all the other things that are probably more 42 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:33,590 important than podcasts. I was not ready to come back this morning. And 43 00:02:33,590 --> 00:02:37,150 by come back, I mean walk down the stairs to where I keep my 44 00:02:37,150 --> 00:02:40,990 makeup and put that on my face and get in front of the microphone 45 00:02:40,990 --> 00:02:44,550 and start recording. I was not ready. But I also 46 00:02:44,630 --> 00:02:48,390 knew that once we started, I would feel more like myself 47 00:02:48,630 --> 00:02:51,990 and I'd really like to feel like myself. That'd be so great. Oh, my gosh. 48 00:02:52,230 --> 00:02:55,930 So I really had to, like, push myself hard. I've pushed myself hard for 49 00:02:55,930 --> 00:02:59,770 many, many things. I push myself every day with work because I always have 50 00:02:59,770 --> 00:03:03,570 way too many things to do. But I'm also not a person 51 00:03:03,570 --> 00:03:07,410 who, like, deeply dives into this idea 52 00:03:07,410 --> 00:03:10,410 of, like, you can do things scared, but that doesn't mean you have to do 53 00:03:10,410 --> 00:03:14,090 things you don't wanna. Like, if your gut's telling you not to do something, 54 00:03:14,090 --> 00:03:17,730 if your body's screaming at you and you're trying to do something, maybe you don't 55 00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:20,730 need to do it. So I fall somewhere between there. So not to say that 56 00:03:20,730 --> 00:03:24,090 I have not forced myself to do many things that I need to do as 57 00:03:24,090 --> 00:03:27,730 a grown up adult in my life, but the fact that I was able to 58 00:03:27,890 --> 00:03:31,570 see through the fact that all I wanted to do was lay in bed, that's 59 00:03:31,570 --> 00:03:35,410 all I wanted to do. The other day I was walking upstairs, 60 00:03:35,410 --> 00:03:38,410 it was Friday night, and it had been a really long day. And I said 61 00:03:38,410 --> 00:03:42,170 to my kids, I'm gonna go spend some time with my best friend. And 62 00:03:42,170 --> 00:03:45,010 my oldest said, your bed? And I was like, yes. 63 00:03:46,050 --> 00:03:49,810 So even my kids know. But the fact that I managed to pry myself away 64 00:03:50,660 --> 00:03:54,260 from my best friend in the world, my bed, and come 65 00:03:54,260 --> 00:03:57,780 downstairs and put the war paint on my face and 66 00:03:58,020 --> 00:04:01,780 get here to yap into this microphone for 67 00:04:02,260 --> 00:04:06,060 whatever reason. And to be clear, I have zero idea what's coming out of my 68 00:04:06,060 --> 00:04:09,620 mouth today. None. There is never a plan. 69 00:04:09,780 --> 00:04:13,220 Which is kind of impressive when you consider how much content I have 70 00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:16,860 recorded without a plan. That really shows you my capacity to 71 00:04:16,860 --> 00:04:20,700 just run my mouth into the ether and hope that somebody listens to it 72 00:04:20,700 --> 00:04:23,780 eventually. But there is no plan. But we are back. 73 00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:27,700 Because these are small steps to get back to 74 00:04:28,020 --> 00:04:30,580 feeling like my normal self, who, 75 00:04:31,220 --> 00:04:34,820 regardless, all of the shit I like to talk about her, I kind of like, 76 00:04:36,660 --> 00:04:40,340 this is just one of those things. So if you're still here. Thanks, man. 77 00:04:40,420 --> 00:04:43,460 And if you've been listening for the last couple of weeks while I've been on 78 00:04:44,090 --> 00:04:46,810 self imposed silent hiatus that you didn't even know about. 79 00:04:47,610 --> 00:04:51,330 Thanks. Appreciate you a lot. And we have a lot more 80 00:04:51,330 --> 00:04:54,930 cool stuff coming up, but also, like, we're gonna talk about some 81 00:04:54,930 --> 00:04:58,330 tough stuff because first off, I know I'm not the only person there. 82 00:04:58,570 --> 00:05:02,330 I won't pretend like I ever have any idea what episode is coming out 83 00:05:02,330 --> 00:05:05,930 when, like, I literally just run my mouth into a microphone and 84 00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:09,570 then forget that I did it. And until I listen to the next 85 00:05:09,570 --> 00:05:13,360 episode, which I actually do. And I can't believe I do, but I actually 86 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:17,000 do, because if I don't, I don't have any idea. Like, I have 87 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,600 zero recollection of what we recorded or what was said. 88 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,480 So much so that I'll be listening to it and I'll be like, oh, man, 89 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:26,280 I really wish I said this after the thing that I'm saying currently. 90 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:30,840 And then immediately say it and go, oh, like, good job, me. Good job. Past 91 00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:34,600 me, who? I have zero recollection of doing this. We were on the 92 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:38,050 same page when things come out. I don't know. But 93 00:05:38,290 --> 00:05:42,090 we're here, and we're doing it because we can do things scared and we can 94 00:05:42,090 --> 00:05:45,930 do hard things. I have makeup on my face. Whether you can see that or 95 00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:49,690 not. That is somewhat of a victory, because I have 96 00:05:49,690 --> 00:05:53,290 not done that in a while, because I've just wanted to sit in a 97 00:05:53,290 --> 00:05:55,170 comfy hole of my blankets. 98 00:06:00,690 --> 00:06:04,530 Two nights ago, I'm laying in bed, and Odin. Odin 99 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:08,210 is a very sweet dog, and he will take affection from everybody, and he is 100 00:06:08,210 --> 00:06:11,610 very, very snuggly. But he is bonded to my husband. 101 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:15,330 He is bonded to my husband in ways that I am not bonded to my 102 00:06:15,330 --> 00:06:18,810 husband. Like, that is his person, and 103 00:06:18,810 --> 00:06:22,450 so he will come hang out with me. But the second my husband comes along, 104 00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:26,170 he's like, fuck you. I'm out. And he runs away, which, like, 105 00:06:26,330 --> 00:06:30,080 I've just gotten used to. Whatever. It's fine. I can. It's not fine. 106 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:33,720 It breaks my heart every time because I say this a lot. I do not 107 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:37,560 want our children to have a preferred parent. They should know that 108 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:40,880 they can come to both of us about everything, that we're both there for them, 109 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:44,799 that we support them unconditionally, that we love them unconditionally. There is 110 00:06:44,799 --> 00:06:48,480 no difference in the quality of parenting that they will 111 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:51,760 get from either parent. I want them to know that. And we spend a lot 112 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:55,610 of time working on that. That said, all of the dogs should like me 113 00:06:55,610 --> 00:06:59,370 better because I am better. The dogs should like me better. 114 00:07:00,730 --> 00:07:04,570 I am the superior person. The dogs should like 115 00:07:04,570 --> 00:07:08,410 me better. So it Breaks my heart every time that this dog runs away to 116 00:07:08,490 --> 00:07:12,130 my husband. And for everybody who does or does not know, Odin is 117 00:07:12,130 --> 00:07:15,610 175 pound Great Dane. So you don't passively 118 00:07:15,610 --> 00:07:19,450 snuggle with Odin there. It is a contact sport. But 119 00:07:19,450 --> 00:07:23,030 he's a very sweet boy and we like him a lot. So anyway, all that 120 00:07:23,030 --> 00:07:26,670 to say he never, never comes to me first if he's looking for somebody to 121 00:07:26,670 --> 00:07:29,790 snuggle with, he's like, where's my dad? And then if he doesn't find Kyle, he's 122 00:07:29,790 --> 00:07:32,590 like, all right, whatever, man. The other night I was laying in bed. This is 123 00:07:32,590 --> 00:07:36,270 like two nights ago. He runs upstairs without stopping, 124 00:07:36,670 --> 00:07:39,950 jumps up on the bed and snuggles up to me, which does not happen 125 00:07:40,430 --> 00:07:44,230 usually. It's like, if he jumps on the bed, he's like, where's my dad? My 126 00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:48,070 dad's not here. All right, let me see if 127 00:07:48,070 --> 00:07:51,790 I can get comfortable on this king size massive 128 00:07:51,790 --> 00:07:55,470 fabric that I, as a dog, should not be allowed on. But I get three 129 00:07:55,470 --> 00:07:58,630 quarters of because I'm a giant dog. So he has to, like, decide where his 130 00:07:58,630 --> 00:08:02,030 spot is. He has to get comfortable. He. And sometimes it's like 131 00:08:02,270 --> 00:08:05,150 he's, like, laying on top of me, but often it's just like, 132 00:08:06,270 --> 00:08:09,910 you are. You are the substitute human, and it's fine that you're here, but 133 00:08:09,910 --> 00:08:13,750 I need to rest. Right? Except that is not what happened. He ran right 134 00:08:13,750 --> 00:08:17,580 upstairs, jumped on the bed, snuggled up right next to 135 00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:21,220 me, like, on, like, next to me. Like I needed to protect him 136 00:08:21,620 --> 00:08:24,660 or like he had been waiting for me all day. Would this does not happen. 137 00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:28,540 So I was like, well, that's weird. But also, I was tired and I 138 00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:31,819 didn't think that much of it. And then he was next to me, like, basically 139 00:08:31,819 --> 00:08:34,540 on top of me the whole night. So I didn't really think anything of it. 140 00:08:34,540 --> 00:08:37,100 And then last night I went to go to bed and I was like, well, 141 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:40,500 where's the dog? And he was doing the thing where he was like, I definitely, 142 00:08:40,660 --> 00:08:43,060 like, he was definitely looking for my husband. So I was like, well, I guess 143 00:08:43,060 --> 00:08:46,640 I'm old news. Whatever. So Kyle happened to walk in and I was like, do 144 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:50,400 you have any idea why Odin was, like, all in for Snuggles last night and 145 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:53,560 acted like he had been looking for me? And he goes, oh, yeah. I got 146 00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:55,920 mad at him because he was eating the other dog's food and he ran away 147 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:59,360 scared. And I was like, oh, oh, so I'm the one who 148 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:02,600 protects him is what it is. And he was like, no, Definitely. He was looking 149 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:06,440 for protection. He was. He was scared that he was in trouble and he was 150 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:09,840 being a chicken shit. And so he ran upstairs and jumped in bed with you. 151 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:13,730 I was like, oh, so technically he does like me better. 152 00:09:14,850 --> 00:09:18,450 That's fine. I'll accept that. Everybody in this house comes to me when they're in 153 00:09:18,450 --> 00:09:21,970 trouble because I'm supposed to get them out of trouble. They come hide underneath the 154 00:09:21,970 --> 00:09:25,650 covers of me because apparently I am the protector of all small things 155 00:09:25,809 --> 00:09:27,490 and my husband is the enforcer. 156 00:09:30,530 --> 00:09:34,290 Having Great Danes is an experience. Like, obviously, they're giant dogs. They're human 157 00:09:34,290 --> 00:09:37,930 sized dogs in the house. So that is an experience. I tell people, like, 158 00:09:37,930 --> 00:09:41,410 imagine you're walking through your house and at any moment, 159 00:09:41,730 --> 00:09:45,410 like, a transparent knee wall pops up and 160 00:09:45,410 --> 00:09:48,370 you just. You just go knee first 161 00:09:49,250 --> 00:09:52,450 into something that was not supposed to be there. 162 00:09:52,930 --> 00:09:56,370 And all of a sudden it's there and it doesn't move. It doesn't respond, 163 00:09:56,610 --> 00:10:00,450 it doesn't react. It does no damage. It just, like, looks up at you. 164 00:10:00,450 --> 00:10:04,130 Like, that's what it's like having great dates. Because they have no spatial 165 00:10:04,130 --> 00:10:07,690 awareness. They have no idea where you are in reference to them. 166 00:10:08,330 --> 00:10:12,050 They have no sense of urgency for anything. The only time 167 00:10:12,050 --> 00:10:15,450 they get scared is when, like, something. Well, they get scared all the time, I 168 00:10:15,450 --> 00:10:18,410 think is more the point. But it's always, like, stuff that shouldn't scare them. Like, 169 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:21,250 if they see the neighbors, they get scared and bark. And I'm like, what are 170 00:10:21,250 --> 00:10:24,970 you gonna do? What are you gonna 171 00:10:24,970 --> 00:10:28,730 do? Like, you, you. You would get close to that person and be like, can 172 00:10:28,730 --> 00:10:31,770 I have your pets? Like, why are you barking? 173 00:10:33,450 --> 00:10:36,970 Why are you alerting me that the neighbor is there? Because 174 00:10:37,290 --> 00:10:41,010 you're gonna protect the house. That's not gonna happen. You are the last 175 00:10:41,010 --> 00:10:44,250 thing in the world that is gonna protect the house. You can't even protect yourself. 176 00:10:44,329 --> 00:10:47,690 Who are you gonna protect? We had a bullmastiff when I was a kid, and 177 00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:51,330 this dog was huge. He was like 160 pounds. My dad used to say that 178 00:10:51,330 --> 00:10:55,130 he got so big because they had the same attitude about exercise, 179 00:10:55,130 --> 00:10:58,950 which is that if you get the urge, just roll over until it passes. He 180 00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:02,670 just, like, got bigger and bigger. I will never forget. We moved into a new 181 00:11:02,670 --> 00:11:06,350 house and this repairman came over and the dog ran down the stairs, 182 00:11:06,350 --> 00:11:09,310 took one look at him and was like, nope. And ran up to the third 183 00:11:09,310 --> 00:11:12,950 floor and was like, nope. So that's our guard dog, right? But these dogs, like, 184 00:11:12,950 --> 00:11:16,190 they will. They will at least go through the show of barking and Then I'm 185 00:11:16,190 --> 00:11:19,630 like, what are you gonna do? There is no part of you that is a 186 00:11:19,630 --> 00:11:23,270 guard dog. You might be an alarm, but you are certainly not 187 00:11:23,270 --> 00:11:27,000 gonna tear anybody up. That's our 160, 175 pound dogs, 188 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,600 right? The 30 pound dog will read you for 189 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:34,400 filth and tear you to shreds. We've had so many shar peis 190 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:38,160 that I've been like, you probably shouldn't be allowed around people. Let's go 191 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:42,360 move you away. They're mean. It might be why I like them, but 192 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:46,200 they're mean. We had one dog who passed away last year that if anybody knew 193 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:49,640 how many times he had bitten people, I would be uninsurable. Our 194 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:53,310 homeowner's insurance would just nope out. They'd be like, nope, get rid of the dog. 195 00:11:53,550 --> 00:11:57,350 That dog lived with my brother for an extended period of time. There was 196 00:11:57,350 --> 00:12:00,550 a time period when he saw my brother when he wasn't living with us. He 197 00:12:00,550 --> 00:12:04,190 saw him at least weekly, but likely much more 198 00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:07,950 frequently. He was very well acquainted with my brother and he 199 00:12:07,950 --> 00:12:11,310 still bit him every time he saw him. So anyway, if you want a guard 200 00:12:11,310 --> 00:12:15,110 dog, not the big ones, make another choice. But if you want a dog that 201 00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:18,790 will run to you when it's scared and is scared 97% of the 202 00:12:18,790 --> 00:12:22,160 time, something over 120 pounds will probably do it. 203 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:27,880 And now we'll go to Alison, who has this week's 204 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:31,360 small talk. We have a question from Talia in Berkeley, 205 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:35,199 California. I feel grief for versions of myself I never 206 00:12:35,199 --> 00:12:38,920 got to try careers I didn't pursue relationships I 207 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:42,480 avoided risks I didn't take because I was just trying to survive. 208 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:46,520 What do you do with that grief when there's no one to blame? Why do 209 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:50,360 you need to blame anybody? That's the point. There's nobody to blame. Sometimes 210 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:53,960 life is life. I'm in a group with some mentors and I have 211 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:57,480 bonded really well with one of them specifically. And we were texting the other day 212 00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,800 and I was talking about some consulting work that I have gotten lately and how 213 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:04,360 consulting has changed so much since 2023. Beginning of 214 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:08,080 2023, when Ukraine was invaded. Basically, 215 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:11,920 like instantly all of the venture capital money dried up or it became much 216 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:15,200 harder to get. It went from being like, we're gonna go raise capital to like, 217 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:18,890 is anybody gonna be able to raise capital? And people still have. But it 218 00:13:18,890 --> 00:13:22,610 has really changed the space that I exist in as a professional 219 00:13:22,850 --> 00:13:26,170 because it has changed completely. Changed what 220 00:13:26,170 --> 00:13:29,730 contracts look like, what engagements look like, the length of contracts, the Amount of 221 00:13:29,730 --> 00:13:33,409 contracts, what people are willing to contract for, how long people 222 00:13:33,409 --> 00:13:37,050 are pre revenue, how long. You know, that basically means how long people 223 00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:40,610 don't have money for and can't afford somebody who does what I do. 224 00:13:41,170 --> 00:13:44,970 It's just totally different. And I was saying to her as we were 225 00:13:44,970 --> 00:13:48,550 chatting, I was like, this is just. It's really hard to go in and 226 00:13:48,550 --> 00:13:52,390 do this every day knowing that it's so different. And 227 00:13:52,390 --> 00:13:54,190 it was like this before, and now it's not. 228 00:13:56,910 --> 00:13:59,630 And she just looked at me in my face and said, why does this matter? 229 00:14:00,030 --> 00:14:03,750 Like, why does it matter? Why does 2023 matter? We're not 230 00:14:03,750 --> 00:14:07,310 there anymore. We're now in 2026. Why beat yourself up over something 231 00:14:07,310 --> 00:14:11,150 that you had no control over? Like, sure, it was that way before. Things 232 00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:14,910 change. And so, yes, you absolutely. You can grieve that version of the 233 00:14:14,910 --> 00:14:18,560 life that you thought that you would have, or you can grieve the things that 234 00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:22,400 didn't come to fruition. Like, that's. That's valid. Grief is 235 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:25,880 a real thing. And not especially in those situations, but I think in those situations, 236 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:29,560 we're kind of taught that, like, you're silly for having feelings about it. And the 237 00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:33,400 reality is, like, you're probably honoring yourself better by letting yourself have 238 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:36,880 the feelings about it. But just because it didn't happen then doesn't mean it can't 239 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:40,240 happen now. It doesn't mean you can't find new opportunities or new things that you 240 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:43,960 can engage in now. Also, like, who knows what the outcome 241 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:47,690 would have been if you had done those things. If you believe that life 242 00:14:47,690 --> 00:14:51,130 is a string of events that all lead to one another and that 243 00:14:51,530 --> 00:14:55,050 everything's a little bit random and also somehow connected. 244 00:14:57,130 --> 00:15:00,930 You might not be living this life at all if you 245 00:15:00,930 --> 00:15:04,290 didn't have that life. You know, what happened in the past matters in that it 246 00:15:04,290 --> 00:15:06,170 gives you experiences, it gives you 247 00:15:07,450 --> 00:15:10,970 expertise in things, it gives you 248 00:15:10,970 --> 00:15:14,770 stories to tell. It gives you memories. In some cases, it gives you trauma that 249 00:15:14,770 --> 00:15:18,450 you get to keep all for yourself. It's like a gift 250 00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:21,970 from the universe. But the fact that it didn't happen then 251 00:15:22,210 --> 00:15:25,930 doesn't impact what is happening now. What you're in 252 00:15:25,930 --> 00:15:29,690 control of now, what you can do now. Those words which she said ring 253 00:15:29,690 --> 00:15:32,730 in my head constantly. 2023 doesn't matter. We're in 254 00:15:32,730 --> 00:15:36,290 2026. I always want to go back and like, well, it worked before. Let me 255 00:15:36,290 --> 00:15:38,490 try to do it again. And then if it doesn't work again, I feel like 256 00:15:38,490 --> 00:15:41,370 I've failed. And it's like, well, it worked before, so it's not a failure. Maybe 257 00:15:41,370 --> 00:15:45,210 other things have changed. Maybe the universe has changed. This is sort of the 258 00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:48,370 opposite of what you're asking, but it's something that sticks out in my head as, 259 00:15:48,370 --> 00:15:52,170 like, the way the universe, or if you're a faithful person, how your 260 00:15:52,170 --> 00:15:55,490 faith kind of drives you in that direction. But my dad passed away in 2016. 261 00:15:55,730 --> 00:15:59,330 I ran his practice for, like, 10 years before that. And we. 262 00:15:59,490 --> 00:16:03,130 For the last couple of years of his life, he did mostly consulting, mostly 263 00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:06,810 forensic consulting, utilization review consulting, helping other people build their 264 00:16:06,810 --> 00:16:10,370 practices. And we built a really, really successful practice doing that. 265 00:16:10,990 --> 00:16:14,150 We still had a handful of patients, but we. You know, it was getting harder 266 00:16:14,150 --> 00:16:16,990 for him to go to the office every day, but he still wanted to work. 267 00:16:16,990 --> 00:16:20,350 His brain was still working. So we built a different kind of practice. Obviously, I 268 00:16:20,350 --> 00:16:23,950 was sitting around grieving for my dad, but I was also grieving for, like, 269 00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:27,790 this practice that we built that was. That was very niche. I 270 00:16:27,790 --> 00:16:31,590 don't know that anybody else could have done it based on the opportunities 271 00:16:31,590 --> 00:16:34,710 that we had come to us, based on the people who we had interacted with, 272 00:16:34,710 --> 00:16:37,390 et cetera. Like, I don't know that anybody else could have done it the way 273 00:16:37,390 --> 00:16:40,730 we did it. And it was super successful. I was really hung up on the 274 00:16:40,730 --> 00:16:43,170 fact that I didn't get to do it anymore now that he was gone, because 275 00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:46,890 I really enjoyed what we did. I always make friends or colleagues with clients 276 00:16:46,970 --> 00:16:49,770 so that when they know, when they need something, they just reach out to me 277 00:16:49,770 --> 00:16:53,210 and I'll have it for them. And so I had fairly good 278 00:16:53,530 --> 00:16:57,210 relationships with the people who we worked with. We would chat, they would 279 00:16:57,210 --> 00:17:00,890 check in. Within probably between four and 280 00:17:00,890 --> 00:17:04,690 six months after he passed away, all of the programs 281 00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:08,040 that he worked in generating all of our revenue for the company 282 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:12,440 closed or changed status in a way that we would not have been able to 283 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,360 do them anymore. And I certainly would not have been able to, like, open a 284 00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:19,000 new practice with someone else who could do those things. Literally 285 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:22,160 every single service line that was paying our bills through the work that he was 286 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,960 doing changed. Some of it was insurance changes. Some 287 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:29,720 of it was one of the companies just shut down their review departments. 288 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:34,310 They were all gone. And so it was like the universe was saying, 289 00:17:34,310 --> 00:17:38,150 like, it's time to move on. This isn't an option anymore. We're moving 290 00:17:38,150 --> 00:17:41,630 in a new direction. You can't fight with that. Do I miss it? I still 291 00:17:41,630 --> 00:17:45,150 miss it. To this day. I still. It was some of the most fun I've 292 00:17:45,150 --> 00:17:48,910 ever had in my career. Doing that work, working with attorneys all over 293 00:17:48,910 --> 00:17:52,670 the country and building out cases for them and building out practices for people. It 294 00:17:52,670 --> 00:17:56,470 was a blast. But things end. Things don't happen the way you think they 295 00:17:56,470 --> 00:18:00,230 will. People die. Not only did we close down our practice because my 296 00:18:00,230 --> 00:18:03,950 dad died, but within four months, the way that we were running our practice anyway 297 00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:07,670 would not have existed. We couldn't have done it. And 298 00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:10,870 I could have stayed there, stuck and sad that we lost all these things, or 299 00:18:10,870 --> 00:18:13,270 I could have taken it as the sign that I think it was to just 300 00:18:13,270 --> 00:18:17,030 say, like, time to move on in a new direction. And 301 00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:20,430 now it's been almost 10 years, which is terrifying, 302 00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:24,950 horribly terrifying. And we do new things now. If there's 303 00:18:24,950 --> 00:18:28,470 something back there that you want, go get it. Otherwise, 304 00:18:28,630 --> 00:18:32,230 that doesn't matter. You've got today. Thanks for being here, 305 00:18:32,230 --> 00:18:33,830 guys. Have a good day. Love you, Mina. 306 00:18:37,110 --> 00:18:40,190 He knows I'm talking about him, so his head's, like, right underneath my microphone right 307 00:18:40,190 --> 00:18:43,230 now. Can you go away for a minute? Hey, stop bullying me. You're rude. Stop 308 00:18:43,230 --> 00:18:46,870 bullying me. Stop. You're bullying me. I don't like it. You're loving me 309 00:18:46,870 --> 00:18:49,590 too much. Hey, I love you a lot, but I also want you to go 310 00:18:49,590 --> 00:18:53,200 away, which is how you could define every relationship I've ever had with any 311 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,760 living being. Somebody needs to come get this 312 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:57,120 dog.