1 00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:03,800 So many people are stuck in shutdown and they each think that they're alone. 2 00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:06,970 They each think they're different or that they're hopeless. 3 00:00:07,260 --> 00:00:10,150 And you might be one of those people, but it's not hopeless. 4 00:00:10,170 --> 00:00:11,379 And you're not alone. 5 00:00:11,410 --> 00:00:15,820 Your shutdown experiences are probably really similar to other people in 6 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,970 shutdown, and actually I can prove it. 7 00:00:18,099 --> 00:00:21,430 I sent out a shutdown experiences survey to my email list. 8 00:00:21,430 --> 00:00:23,440 I got about 75 people that responded to it. 9 00:00:23,810 --> 00:00:24,919 Uh, real people. 10 00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:26,885 Experiencing real shutdown. 11 00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:30,925 This is actually part four of my shutdown experiences survey results. 12 00:00:30,935 --> 00:00:34,135 I recommend watching the other three first in this one. 13 00:00:34,184 --> 00:00:38,995 I'm going to focus on what they told me are the most helpful resources. 14 00:00:39,235 --> 00:00:44,184 I hope you feel validated and less alone after this episode and a big, big 15 00:00:44,184 --> 00:00:48,864 thanks to everyone that took the time to complete my shutdown experiences survey. 16 00:00:48,964 --> 00:00:49,614 Hey, I'm Justin. 17 00:00:49,614 --> 00:00:53,335 I'm a therapist and coach and the creator of the Polyvagal Trauma Relief System. 18 00:00:53,335 --> 00:00:55,714 Um, Welcome to Stuck Not Broken, where I teach you how to live with 19 00:00:55,714 --> 00:01:00,464 more calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo woo. 20 00:01:00,464 --> 00:01:04,234 Of course, this is not therapy, nor is it intended to be a replacement for therapy. 21 00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:08,144 The first survey results that I want to go into are, well, the question 22 00:01:08,145 --> 00:01:12,535 is which of these supports have you tried and what was most helpful? 23 00:01:12,545 --> 00:01:15,014 So it's two questions that I'm gonna look at together. 24 00:01:15,114 --> 00:01:20,925 Those options are Therapy, coaching, informative content like articles 25 00:01:20,925 --> 00:01:26,785 and blogs, interactive content like workshops and webinars, group support 26 00:01:26,945 --> 00:01:32,884 like forums or flat out support groups, self help tools like apps and journals. 27 00:01:33,464 --> 00:01:38,664 religious or spiritual counseling, retreats, structured slash guided 28 00:01:38,725 --> 00:01:42,794 substance use like cannabis or MDMA, ayahuasca, that kind of 29 00:01:42,794 --> 00:01:46,304 stuff, or I haven't tried anything. 30 00:01:46,425 --> 00:01:49,655 And then I also gave people the option to fill in other things 31 00:01:49,664 --> 00:01:51,065 that they may have tried out. 32 00:01:51,225 --> 00:01:55,065 So out of all those options, the highest that people pick was 33 00:01:55,385 --> 00:01:57,525 86 percent informative content. 34 00:01:57,525 --> 00:02:00,415 Oh, by the way, respondents could pick as many as they wanted. 35 00:02:00,775 --> 00:02:02,735 would like or as many as they've actually tried. 36 00:02:02,735 --> 00:02:04,015 It wasn't limited to just one. 37 00:02:04,415 --> 00:02:07,175 So 86 percent of people said they've tried out informative content. 38 00:02:07,205 --> 00:02:08,055 That makes total sense. 39 00:02:08,055 --> 00:02:11,585 They probably, you know, found stuff on YouTube, like my stuff 40 00:02:11,955 --> 00:02:15,935 or on Instagram, even like the one minute real kind of things. 41 00:02:15,935 --> 00:02:18,705 That's, I would call that informative, potentially informative content, 42 00:02:18,714 --> 00:02:20,605 books, blogs, that kind of stuff. 43 00:02:20,605 --> 00:02:22,915 That's kind of usually, I think the starting point is we just learn. 44 00:02:22,925 --> 00:02:26,700 We're learning, uh, before we, Do anything or put anything into practice, 45 00:02:26,700 --> 00:02:28,150 just learning informative content. 46 00:02:28,220 --> 00:02:30,590 So 86 percent said that they had tried that. 47 00:02:30,700 --> 00:02:34,900 58 percent of respondents said that that was actually the most helpful. 48 00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:38,520 It's possible that after just learning or taking in informative 49 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:40,919 content that people just stop there. 50 00:02:41,670 --> 00:02:43,140 It's uh, actually I think it's really common. 51 00:02:43,149 --> 00:02:45,689 We, we learn, we learn, we learn, but we don't take action on it. 52 00:02:45,970 --> 00:02:49,900 74 percent of respondents said they had tried therapy. 53 00:02:50,079 --> 00:02:53,200 So, well, my audience is not exactly a general audience. 54 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:57,440 It's people that are actively looking for ways to improve 55 00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:59,030 their life or to get unstuck. 56 00:02:59,719 --> 00:03:05,740 So, having 3 out of 4 people who have tried therapy, I'm not shocked by that. 57 00:03:07,140 --> 00:03:13,230 Of those 74%, about half of them said that that was their most helpful option. 58 00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:14,884 Er, most helpful support. 59 00:03:15,594 --> 00:03:20,194 I've heard from many people that are in therapy who get some kind of benefit from 60 00:03:20,194 --> 00:03:24,644 it or don't get benefit and actually maybe feel re traumatized like that, that's 61 00:03:24,654 --> 00:03:29,784 possible that it's definitely within the realm of possibility and they find content 62 00:03:29,784 --> 00:03:31,725 like this that they find really helpful. 63 00:03:32,209 --> 00:03:35,390 They, they learn about the Polyvagal theory and shutdown state and 64 00:03:35,390 --> 00:03:38,100 how to recover, but that, that stuff's not covered in therapy. 65 00:03:38,750 --> 00:03:42,639 So it kind of makes sense to me why more people would say that informative 66 00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:47,000 content is actually the most helpful because it just makes sense, but 67 00:03:47,030 --> 00:03:48,570 they don't know how to implement it. 68 00:03:49,070 --> 00:03:51,709 So maybe it's helpful because it normalizes them and validates 69 00:03:51,709 --> 00:03:52,600 their experiences, but. 70 00:03:53,030 --> 00:03:53,990 what to do with it. 71 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,160 That's, that's a different thing. 72 00:03:55,170 --> 00:03:58,140 And therapists, well, we're not all trained on, on this kind of somatic 73 00:03:58,140 --> 00:03:59,870 and polyvagal theory kind of stuff. 74 00:04:00,110 --> 00:04:07,209 At the lowest end, which I think is pretty predictable is retreats at 13 75 00:04:07,209 --> 00:04:10,890 percent and guided substance use at 21%. 76 00:04:11,279 --> 00:04:16,959 Both of these things involve a pretty hefty amount of investment in time, 77 00:04:17,540 --> 00:04:20,780 in trust in another and money as well. 78 00:04:21,650 --> 00:04:26,170 So that, yeah, it would make total sense why that would be at the lower end. 79 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,770 Again, respondents could pick as many categories as they want. 80 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:34,450 So this is really relevant because what I found most interesting out of all this 81 00:04:34,460 --> 00:04:41,070 is that the highest number of categories picked were nine and 10 and 20 through 82 00:04:41,070 --> 00:04:48,440 almost a quarter, almost one in four people had tried nine or 10 supports. 83 00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:50,130 That's a lot. 84 00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:51,710 That's a lot. 85 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:52,360 It really struck me. 86 00:04:53,720 --> 00:05:01,359 On top of that, almost 41 percent of respondents tried 9 or more. 87 00:05:01,359 --> 00:05:04,799 So 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, possibly more. 88 00:05:05,820 --> 00:05:11,780 Almost 41 percent of people had tried 9 or more and were still stuck in 89 00:05:11,790 --> 00:05:14,640 some noticeable amount of shutdown. 90 00:05:15,075 --> 00:05:16,855 That, I thought it was really striking. 91 00:05:17,015 --> 00:05:18,775 It also kind of makes sense. 92 00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:25,015 Shutdown's not easy, especially if we're not recognizing that it's shutdown. 93 00:05:25,024 --> 00:05:29,864 If someone's treating it as like a chemical imbalance and just medicating, 94 00:05:29,865 --> 00:05:34,264 medicating, tweaking medications, doing more medication, if their therapist 95 00:05:34,265 --> 00:05:37,615 is telling them that you're depressed and this is forever and you just got 96 00:05:37,615 --> 00:05:42,115 to manage it with more medication and coping skills and whatnot, then. 97 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:46,400 Yeah, it's, not much is going to change and you might continually 98 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,489 seek out, well, what's the thing that's going to help me out? 99 00:05:48,489 --> 00:05:51,399 Shutdown is not easy to come out of. 100 00:05:51,399 --> 00:05:52,949 It's probably the slowest. 101 00:05:52,949 --> 00:05:54,999 It's the furthest down the polyvagal ladder. 102 00:05:54,999 --> 00:05:55,919 Maybe that's one reason why. 103 00:05:56,449 --> 00:05:59,370 But when we're in shutdown, there's a lot of hopelessness. 104 00:05:59,539 --> 00:06:00,149 We feel empty. 105 00:06:00,149 --> 00:06:01,010 We feel alone. 106 00:06:01,379 --> 00:06:02,604 We don't believe in ourselves. 107 00:06:03,335 --> 00:06:08,145 So continually trying the next thing or relying on the next expert 108 00:06:09,384 --> 00:06:10,744 these things add up, you know? 109 00:06:10,744 --> 00:06:15,074 And I think that might have a lot to do with it And if we don't get results 110 00:06:15,074 --> 00:06:18,884 really quickly you might give up and go to the next thing But the reality is that 111 00:06:18,884 --> 00:06:23,694 shutdown is it's a long process coming out of shutdown is not easy It is not a quick- 112 00:06:23,914 --> 00:06:25,154 obviously, it's not a quick thing. 113 00:06:25,164 --> 00:06:25,874 It's not easy. 114 00:06:25,964 --> 00:06:30,889 It's a long process and I There is, um, there might be some patience 115 00:06:30,909 --> 00:06:33,639 lacking for that and I don't, I don't blame anybody for that whatsoever. 116 00:06:33,759 --> 00:06:37,369 On top of that, the signs of coming out of shutdown are 117 00:06:37,389 --> 00:06:39,419 increased flight fight activation. 118 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:44,189 So there might be more irritation or frustration or agitation. 119 00:06:45,169 --> 00:06:46,020 It's actually a good sign. 120 00:06:46,069 --> 00:06:48,969 It's potentially a very good sign as long as you're balancing out with 121 00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:50,580 more and more safety activation. 122 00:06:51,359 --> 00:06:55,534 That's actually a pretty good sign, but it doesn't feel like that. 123 00:06:55,574 --> 00:06:59,444 Someone might see that they are experiencing more agitation of some 124 00:06:59,444 --> 00:07:04,414 kind and think, well, this isn't working or it's, I'm doing the wrong thing. 125 00:07:04,964 --> 00:07:09,364 But really that returning mobilization is potentially a really good sign. 126 00:07:10,031 --> 00:07:14,101 So if they see that they might just jump to the next technique or support 127 00:07:14,111 --> 00:07:17,331 trying to fix that or thinking that, well, whatever I'm doing is failing. 128 00:07:17,331 --> 00:07:18,191 So I'll try something else. 129 00:07:18,501 --> 00:07:23,941 So yeah, 41 percent of people said they had tried nine or more different supports. 130 00:07:24,041 --> 00:07:27,951 The next question I asked is, how likely are you to ask for support? 131 00:07:28,291 --> 00:07:34,451 And only 9 percent of respondents are likely to ask for support. 132 00:07:35,281 --> 00:07:39,766 The vast majority of respondents, 91 percent is unlikely to ask 133 00:07:40,016 --> 00:07:42,806 to ask for support in shutdown. 134 00:07:42,836 --> 00:07:43,926 This kind of makes sense. 135 00:07:43,936 --> 00:07:48,676 We feel very alone and we feel very cut off because while we are cut off, part 136 00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:51,506 of shutdown oftentimes is isolation. 137 00:07:51,966 --> 00:07:57,906 The body when in shutdown needs to immobilize and solitude might be a 138 00:07:57,906 --> 00:08:00,696 really good idea, not isolation, not where you're like locking yourself away 139 00:08:00,696 --> 00:08:05,406 in a room in the dark, but solitude where you're maybe going to a lake 140 00:08:05,446 --> 00:08:08,216 or a beach or just a walk around the block or just sitting in the backyard. 141 00:08:09,076 --> 00:08:12,396 Something where you're immobile and alone, but okay with it, where 142 00:08:12,396 --> 00:08:18,866 it's peaceful and relaxing versus, you know, depressing and isolative, 143 00:08:19,326 --> 00:08:20,706 like in a room in the dark alone. 144 00:08:21,926 --> 00:08:24,926 So it totally makes sense why people would not reach out for support. 145 00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:31,626 The reality is that being alone is helpful, but having a couple of 146 00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:36,861 supports of people that you trust and are close to is not a bad idea at all. 147 00:08:37,221 --> 00:08:39,831 That can help come out of shutdown connecting with others 148 00:08:39,831 --> 00:08:41,191 receiving their co regulation. 149 00:08:41,401 --> 00:08:44,521 On that note, the next question is do you have people in your life 150 00:08:44,551 --> 00:08:46,331 that can provide co regulation? 151 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:50,441 Over half said yes, the other half said no or maybe. 152 00:08:50,501 --> 00:08:54,721 So it's interesting that Half said, yes, I have people in life in my life 153 00:08:54,721 --> 00:08:58,271 that can provide co regulation, but the vast majority of those people 154 00:08:58,341 --> 00:09:00,131 are not willing to ask for it. 155 00:09:00,141 --> 00:09:01,121 And that makes sense. 156 00:09:01,901 --> 00:09:04,151 Of course, if you're going to say, you know, call someone up and say, Hey, 157 00:09:04,151 --> 00:09:05,881 can you provide me with co regulation? 158 00:09:05,881 --> 00:09:07,221 That's, they're not going to get it. 159 00:09:07,331 --> 00:09:07,761 Probably. 160 00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:11,511 You're going to feel weird doing that probably, but can you 161 00:09:11,521 --> 00:09:13,141 reconnect with someone in your life? 162 00:09:13,191 --> 00:09:14,611 Can you meet up with someone for lunch? 163 00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:17,301 Can you just call and hear their voice and say, Hey, I just want to check 164 00:09:17,301 --> 00:09:19,251 in with you, see how you're doing, or I miss you or something like that. 165 00:09:19,811 --> 00:09:21,401 Like, yeah, I think it's possible. 166 00:09:22,051 --> 00:09:24,401 But yeah, calling someone and asking for co regulation is probably not 167 00:09:24,401 --> 00:09:27,041 gonna, probably not gonna go well. 168 00:09:27,171 --> 00:09:29,711 Over half said yes, the other half said no or maybe. 169 00:09:30,011 --> 00:09:35,591 The next question is how likely are you to receive co regulation from a safe other? 170 00:09:36,091 --> 00:09:40,141 About 25 percent said that they are likely to receive co regulation from another. 171 00:09:41,051 --> 00:09:46,771 But that leaves, which is good, but that leaves 75 percent of respondents 172 00:09:46,771 --> 00:09:53,291 that will not or might receive co regulation from a safe other. 173 00:09:53,511 --> 00:09:59,551 So, more people can receive it than ask for it, which I think is something, and 174 00:09:59,561 --> 00:10:01,011 it does make actually a lot of sense. 175 00:10:01,591 --> 00:10:04,651 And, and no matter what defensive state we're in, usually we can 176 00:10:04,651 --> 00:10:07,411 receive some level of co regulation whether we're aware of it or not. 177 00:10:08,051 --> 00:10:11,371 But asking for it, putting yourself out there, risking vulnerability, 178 00:10:12,021 --> 00:10:14,391 that is a much taller order. 179 00:10:14,591 --> 00:10:18,361 The next thing I asked was what experiences have you had 180 00:10:18,571 --> 00:10:20,891 with non professional supports? 181 00:10:21,511 --> 00:10:24,111 And then after that I asked for what experiences have you 182 00:10:24,111 --> 00:10:26,001 had with professional supports? 183 00:10:26,951 --> 00:10:29,421 I'm going to summarize the responses because I got a lot and then I'm 184 00:10:29,431 --> 00:10:34,061 going to read three or four from each category in the words of the respondent. 185 00:10:34,061 --> 00:10:39,131 So, the summary of what experiences have you had with non professional supports, 186 00:10:39,131 --> 00:10:44,221 the summary is Many of my respondents found support from friends, partners, 187 00:10:44,241 --> 00:10:49,071 or peers helpful, especially those who understand trauma and co regulation. 188 00:10:49,071 --> 00:10:51,021 So if you know someone who has this knowledge, that's 189 00:10:51,021 --> 00:10:53,251 going to be more helpful. 190 00:10:53,781 --> 00:10:54,961 How many of us have that? 191 00:10:55,351 --> 00:10:58,671 Well, in this audience, maybe there's a higher number than 192 00:10:58,671 --> 00:10:59,631 in the general population. 193 00:10:59,976 --> 00:11:03,946 The next thing about the next summary from non professional supports is that 194 00:11:03,946 --> 00:11:08,616 some people prefer handling their shutdown on their own first through activities 195 00:11:08,616 --> 00:11:12,816 like movement, dance, or yoga before reaching out to others makes total sense. 196 00:11:12,816 --> 00:11:17,516 And actually, I think this is a really good idea using or receiving co regulation 197 00:11:17,516 --> 00:11:22,346 from others is great, but having that solitude to yourself might be the first 198 00:11:22,346 --> 00:11:23,566 step actually might be a really good idea. 199 00:11:24,146 --> 00:11:25,756 Solitude again is not isolation. 200 00:11:25,776 --> 00:11:28,136 Isolation is dark room cutting out the world. 201 00:11:29,141 --> 00:11:30,201 Binging on your phone. 202 00:11:31,601 --> 00:11:36,291 Solitude is I'm going to be by myself, give myself permission to feel all 203 00:11:36,291 --> 00:11:40,571 my feelings or wherever it comes up in the present moment, and then dance 204 00:11:40,601 --> 00:11:45,931 and then, uh, journal about it or, and then, uh, do some yoga, stretch out. 205 00:11:45,931 --> 00:11:47,801 Like that's what solitude is. 206 00:11:47,831 --> 00:11:51,411 I'm going to go somewhere safe, like a beach, if you have access 207 00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:55,641 to it, and just sit and be and think and feel that solitude. 208 00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:59,501 The next summary point here is that resources like books and 209 00:11:59,501 --> 00:12:03,921 courses and online communities provide valuable insights. 210 00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:05,471 So it helps them to learn. 211 00:12:06,581 --> 00:12:10,851 This helps them, just that top down learning helps them manage their 212 00:12:10,871 --> 00:12:12,421 defensive activation or their shutdown. 213 00:12:12,461 --> 00:12:16,901 The next piece is that romantic partners can offer comfort, but their responses 214 00:12:16,901 --> 00:12:21,901 can either help or worsen depending on the romantic partner's stability. 215 00:12:21,901 --> 00:12:25,021 So if you have someone who's, has a lot of access to their safety state 216 00:12:25,461 --> 00:12:28,521 and can co regulate, that's going to be more comforting than, than 217 00:12:28,521 --> 00:12:29,711 someone who doesn't, obviously, right? 218 00:12:29,751 --> 00:12:34,621 Alright, four quotes from people who are, uh, Sharing about 219 00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,391 their non professional support. 220 00:12:37,071 --> 00:12:42,641 Helene, who's been shut down between 11 and 30 years says, One of my best 221 00:12:42,641 --> 00:12:46,611 resources today are a couple of friends who are doing this work as well. 222 00:12:47,101 --> 00:12:50,241 We support each other and create the safe space and offer co regulation. 223 00:12:50,401 --> 00:12:51,271 So powerful. 224 00:12:52,281 --> 00:12:55,961 Carol who's been in shutdown for three to six months says 225 00:12:55,961 --> 00:12:58,411 she does a bit of online yoga. 226 00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,321 Short and to the point a bit of online yoga. 227 00:13:00,836 --> 00:13:05,576 A, who's been in shutdown for 31 to 40 years, says meditation techniques, 228 00:13:05,606 --> 00:13:11,156 for example, R A I N, and my UDS Unstuck in Defensive States course, 229 00:13:11,706 --> 00:13:15,036 the hardest thing is remembering slash thinking to use them in the moment. 230 00:13:15,056 --> 00:13:15,926 Absolutely. 231 00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,326 Learning these things is great, and I think there's some 232 00:13:18,336 --> 00:13:19,716 benefit, some top down benefit. 233 00:13:19,726 --> 00:13:20,076 But. 234 00:13:20,696 --> 00:13:23,766 Yeah, you got to implement, you got to practice this stuff as well. 235 00:13:24,046 --> 00:13:28,336 And I really encourage people practice it before the problem. 236 00:13:28,336 --> 00:13:31,666 Don't wait until you're like a seven out of 10 shutdown. 237 00:13:31,916 --> 00:13:32,816 Practice this stuff 238 00:13:32,816 --> 00:13:36,866 when you're at a two out of 10 shutdown or three out of 10 shutdown, or when 239 00:13:36,866 --> 00:13:40,946 you have more safety than not practice, be mindful, utilize the skills that 240 00:13:40,946 --> 00:13:42,576 you're learning before you need them. 241 00:13:43,346 --> 00:13:45,426 And then when you need them, it'll be more accessible. 242 00:13:45,466 --> 00:13:48,756 And finally supernova, who's been in shutdown within the past year. 243 00:13:49,146 --> 00:13:53,016 said The content and helping me understand why I am like this 244 00:13:53,216 --> 00:13:55,886 reduces my shame very significantly. 245 00:13:55,896 --> 00:14:00,146 Thank you Supernova for sharing and for my other respondents as well. 246 00:14:00,196 --> 00:14:02,036 So that was non professional supports. 247 00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:07,006 When it comes to professional supports, I have a summary and then I'll give you 248 00:14:07,206 --> 00:14:09,436 three quotes from people who responded. 249 00:14:10,171 --> 00:14:13,521 The summary is basically that some people found professional help, 250 00:14:13,531 --> 00:14:18,171 especially somatic based therapies and holistic approaches to be effective 251 00:14:18,981 --> 00:14:22,951 particularly when they're focused on co regulation, touch, and attunement. 252 00:14:22,951 --> 00:14:25,331 I think that's kind of interesting, the touch aspect of it. 253 00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:26,351 A couple people said that. 254 00:14:26,921 --> 00:14:31,341 But co regulation, as long as you have a safe other, that's gonna be, uh, that's 255 00:14:31,341 --> 00:14:32,741 gonna be more helpful than not, obviously. 256 00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:37,596 The somatic mindfulness, being aware of your body, I think that's going to be 257 00:14:37,596 --> 00:14:43,366 more helpful than, um, thinking you have some sort of illness or disease or you 258 00:14:43,366 --> 00:14:44,606 have to like get rid of your feelings. 259 00:14:44,606 --> 00:14:47,546 If you can be aware of them compassionately, that actually can 260 00:14:47,546 --> 00:14:49,546 help them to soften and alleviate. 261 00:14:49,616 --> 00:14:53,546 Several people shared that traditional just talk therapy. 262 00:14:54,391 --> 00:14:56,781 partially helped, but they felt like something was missing. 263 00:14:56,781 --> 00:14:59,921 And I think that somatic piece is the thing that's missing personally. 264 00:15:00,791 --> 00:15:05,271 A few people mentioned that therapy worsened their experience or left them 265 00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:06,991 feeling misunderstood or even blamed. 266 00:15:07,831 --> 00:15:10,881 They emphasize that finding the right therapist or maybe even the 267 00:15:10,881 --> 00:15:12,631 right approach is really important. 268 00:15:12,651 --> 00:15:16,201 I would argue the right therapist is more important than the right approach. 269 00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:21,926 The right approach, even if you found someone that was Polyvagal informed and 270 00:15:21,976 --> 00:15:24,916 really good with somatic stuff, that doesn't mean they're a good fit for you. 271 00:15:25,136 --> 00:15:29,876 Uh, so I think the techniques only go so far as the relationship 272 00:15:29,876 --> 00:15:33,566 does personally, but having a balance of both would be ideal. 273 00:15:33,886 --> 00:15:37,996 A couple of people said that coaching, they actually prefer that over therapy. 274 00:15:38,446 --> 00:15:41,886 When coaching is focused on change and education. 275 00:15:41,886 --> 00:15:44,016 So really like goals and present moment stuff. 276 00:15:44,156 --> 00:15:47,446 And other people said that they have not even allowed professionals to 277 00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:49,336 witness their full shutdown state. 278 00:15:49,336 --> 00:15:52,301 Like they kind of keep it in check or they hold it back. 279 00:15:52,981 --> 00:15:55,711 And of course that leads to them not feeling like it 280 00:15:55,711 --> 00:15:57,541 was addressed or recognized. 281 00:15:57,541 --> 00:16:01,711 Yeah, I mean, part of this is, you know, how much you bring to the 282 00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,181 table as far as what you're sharing. 283 00:16:03,451 --> 00:16:08,821 The therapist sh or maybe coach, should also be able to recognize what, you 284 00:16:08,821 --> 00:16:12,361 know, some experiences of, of shutdown if they're informed in this stuff. 285 00:16:12,361 --> 00:16:15,921 If not, then it just looks like depression and they're gonna say it's a chemical 286 00:16:15,921 --> 00:16:19,361 imbalance and you know, you gotta cope with this for the rest of your life. 287 00:16:19,481 --> 00:16:25,096 Specific quotes from the professional supports, uh, Steph, who's been in 288 00:16:25,096 --> 00:16:29,956 shutdown for up to 50 years, says Spiritual psychotherapy has been 289 00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:35,606 my guiding star as has been pranic healing slash energy work to literally 290 00:16:35,606 --> 00:16:37,166 shift my energy when I cannot. 291 00:16:37,386 --> 00:16:42,316 Jessica, in shutdown for up to 30 years, says For about seven years 292 00:16:42,316 --> 00:16:44,046 I have had therapy once a week. 293 00:16:44,286 --> 00:16:46,616 My therapy is somatic experiencing. 294 00:16:47,176 --> 00:16:49,696 And I still laughed at myself because I started with my therapist 295 00:16:49,726 --> 00:16:52,396 before I knew any of this stuff. 296 00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:56,866 But somatic experiencing and polyvagal kind of go hand in hand. 297 00:16:57,176 --> 00:16:58,936 So it works out very well for me. 298 00:16:59,746 --> 00:17:01,866 I have found my therapy to be very helpful. 299 00:17:02,286 --> 00:17:06,236 I am a huge proponent of coaching, but personally, I think I need more 300 00:17:06,236 --> 00:17:10,506 supports or have needed more intense support than what a coach could offer. 301 00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:14,046 I am also very limited on time, but if I didn't have therapy, I would 302 00:17:14,046 --> 00:17:17,906 certainly do coaching because I think that would be so beneficial and 303 00:17:17,906 --> 00:17:20,066 supportive for my growth and recovery. 304 00:17:20,066 --> 00:17:20,966 Really happy for Jessica. 305 00:17:20,986 --> 00:17:22,166 She found something that works for her. 306 00:17:22,216 --> 00:17:24,436 And it really like, it sounds like aligns with what she needs. 307 00:17:24,926 --> 00:17:25,356 And yeah, I agree. 308 00:17:25,356 --> 00:17:31,781 I agree with, with, uh, with Jessica here that coaching is helpful, but is 309 00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:36,611 not for, if you need more, some, you might need more support than that. 310 00:17:37,121 --> 00:17:42,911 Coaching is good for present and goal oriented, but crises and, uh, 311 00:17:42,941 --> 00:17:46,291 mental, like it's, you know, it's more serious mental health kind of stuff. 312 00:17:46,291 --> 00:17:47,991 Like obviously that that's not a coaching thing. 313 00:17:48,561 --> 00:17:53,076 So the therapy route and having more intensive supports could be 314 00:17:53,076 --> 00:17:54,096 totally appropriate for someone. 315 00:17:54,856 --> 00:17:57,746 Coaching is great for someone for the person that's like ready to 316 00:17:57,746 --> 00:18:01,456 change for the person that is like they're just sick of it and they're 317 00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:03,926 ready to put something into action. 318 00:18:03,976 --> 00:18:08,736 Coaching is I like how it's so direct and like we're here to like make 319 00:18:08,736 --> 00:18:11,766 steps forward and as long as you have someone who's aligned with that I 320 00:18:11,776 --> 00:18:13,226 think coaching can be really effective. 321 00:18:13,356 --> 00:18:14,616 I find it really enjoyable personally. 322 00:18:14,786 --> 00:18:16,086 Oh, and Jessica, you're right. 323 00:18:16,086 --> 00:18:20,446 Yeah, therapy Somatic experiencing and Polyvagal theory. 324 00:18:20,446 --> 00:18:22,286 I think definitely do go hand in hand. 325 00:18:22,656 --> 00:18:27,016 So thank you so much for my respondents for sharing your experiences of 326 00:18:27,016 --> 00:18:32,711 shutdown I think I have one more episode of this Of this series to wrap 327 00:18:32,721 --> 00:18:34,261 up the Shutdown Experiences Survey. 328 00:18:34,261 --> 00:18:36,781 I'll have that out pretty soon But yeah Thank you for people who responded 329 00:18:36,781 --> 00:18:40,591 and I know i'm speaking for the person watching this and the next person 330 00:18:40,591 --> 00:18:43,091 watching this as you know thank you for the people who filled this out. 331 00:18:43,141 --> 00:18:46,171 And yeah When you get a moment like read some of the comments on youtube is on 332 00:18:46,171 --> 00:18:53,021 these shutdown videos a lot of people are in shutdown, stuck in shutdown, and 333 00:18:53,141 --> 00:18:54,551 there's also a lot of support for them. 334 00:18:54,621 --> 00:18:59,791 It's kind of cool to see the, the love and the support for people, um, and 335 00:18:59,791 --> 00:19:01,181 the shared experiences of shutdown. 336 00:19:01,791 --> 00:19:02,921 I guess the point is thank you. 337 00:19:03,001 --> 00:19:05,591 And I know there's people listening and benefiting from this. 338 00:19:05,601 --> 00:19:06,791 So thank you to my respondents. 339 00:19:07,691 --> 00:19:10,461 And thank you dear listener for joining me on Stuck Not Broken. 340 00:19:10,921 --> 00:19:15,951 If you're ready to take the next steps in compassionately coming out of shutdown, 341 00:19:16,381 --> 00:19:18,317 I have the perfect course for you. 342 00:19:18,317 --> 00:19:22,631 It's called Shutdown to Stillness, More Inner Peace in Four Weeks. 343 00:19:22,691 --> 00:19:25,031 It teaches you how to combine your shutdown state with 344 00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:25,436 safety, resulting in stillness. 345 00:19:25,436 --> 00:19:32,616 It covers validating, normalizing, and even giving permission for 346 00:19:32,616 --> 00:19:35,876 your shutdown to exist with safety. 347 00:19:35,906 --> 00:19:40,716 And it not only covers these as far as teaching, but we do light 348 00:19:40,816 --> 00:19:42,696 practices, ever so light practices. 349 00:19:42,696 --> 00:19:47,316 We lightly practice validation and normalization and even giving your 350 00:19:47,326 --> 00:19:49,846 shutdown permission to be present. 351 00:19:50,216 --> 00:19:54,006 We feel into safety and we combine that with shutdown resulting in stillness. 352 00:19:54,656 --> 00:20:00,236 It's designed specifically for the person who is in shutdown and is starting 353 00:20:00,756 --> 00:20:02,726 their process of coming out of shutdown. 354 00:20:03,376 --> 00:20:06,086 When we come out of shutdown, the next step is it could be 355 00:20:06,096 --> 00:20:08,906 fight activation, flight, fight activation, but fight in particular. 356 00:20:09,551 --> 00:20:16,271 But before that, stillness is more likely, or I think is ideal, combining safety with 357 00:20:16,271 --> 00:20:22,161 shutdown and stillness, and then accessing the mobilization of flight fight energy. 358 00:20:22,481 --> 00:20:25,971 So if we can get someone in stillness, that means that they can then be more 359 00:20:25,981 --> 00:20:30,731 curious, open and mindful of returning sympathetic flight fight activation. 360 00:20:31,091 --> 00:20:35,266 Shutdown to Stillness is in the Stuck Not Broken Total Access Membership, 361 00:20:35,276 --> 00:20:40,616 along with three other courses, a wonderful private community, open 362 00:20:40,616 --> 00:20:43,546 Q and A's, a second podcast, and a whole bunch of other stuff as well. 363 00:20:43,766 --> 00:20:45,406 Visit justinlmft. 364 00:20:45,446 --> 00:20:47,176 com slash total access. 365 00:20:47,196 --> 00:20:50,386 If you want to learn more about it, or if you want to join the Stucknaut 366 00:20:50,406 --> 00:20:54,986 Collective in the Stuck Not Broken Total Access Membership again, justinlmft. 367 00:20:54,996 --> 00:20:57,146 com slash total access. 368 00:20:57,146 --> 00:20:59,566 I cannot wait to welcome you into the community. 369 00:21:00,166 --> 00:21:00,436 Bye. 370 00:21:00,566 --> 00:21:03,976 This podcast is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or 371 00:21:03,976 --> 00:21:05,476 be a replacement for therapy. 372 00:21:06,296 --> 00:21:09,336 Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. 373 00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:13,426 Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are 374 00:21:13,426 --> 00:21:15,216 experiencing mental health symptoms. 375 00:21:16,056 --> 00:21:19,306 Nothing in this podcast should be construed to be specific life advice. 376 00:21:19,456 --> 00:21:22,386 It is for educational and entertainment purposes only. 377 00:21:23,216 --> 00:21:26,096 More resources are available in the description of this episode 378 00:21:26,126 --> 00:21:27,206 and in the footer of justinlmft. 379 00:21:28,636 --> 00:21:28,976 com.