Welcome to Love Notes from Rhonda.

And today, let's talk about discipline.

Yes, good old discipline.

For most of my life, I equated discipline with sacrifice.

Because if I was having to be disciplined or thought I better be disciplined, it meant that I had to get myself in order.

That I had to cut off the things that I was frivolous about, you know, things that I felt like doing.

No, no.

I had to stay focused.

I had to stay on point.

I had to reach my goal.

I had to sacrifice the things that I, quote, unquote, wanted for, supposedly the thing that I truly wanted.

And discipline, for most of my life was elusive.

I did not have any discipline.

Now, sure, you can say, did I turn in my homework in school?

Of course I did.

Did I show up for things on time?

Yes, of course I did all those things.

But my parents never made us do anything.

My mother grew up in a very strict household, and she was one of, gosh, I don't know, 12 kids, and the only girl that was at home.

Her older sister was one of the firstborns.

So she was out of the house when my mother became young enough to clean and cook and go and milk the cows and tend the field.

And I'm so not joking.

And so my mother was in charge of everything in the household, which meant the garden, et cetera, anything that had to do with taking care of the family, along with my grandmother.

And so my mother worked diligently every single day for her whole life.

And so when she became a mother, she did, as most mothers do, do the opposite of what her mother did, and basically didn't make us do anything.

Oh, sure, the occasional chore list would get up on the board, and we'd be like, okay, everyone's gonna take turns to wash dishes.

And it would last three days, and she wouldn't enforce it, and we'd all not do it, and it went away.

So I distinctly remember in my late 20s, early 30s, realizing that my real problem, right, the real thing that was holding me back, you know, you could say, well, maybe I thought it was procrastination.

Maybe I thought it was, you know, that I'm unworthy.

Maybe I thought it was a lot of.

Bunch of.

A lot of bunch of things.

But when I was really honest with myself, I realized that I didn't actually know how to discipline myself.

I didn't know how to have discipline without that feeling of sacrifice, without that feeling of putting myself down, without restricting myself.

And so I set about figuring out a way to have discipline without that Feeling of, well, you better or else, or who do you think you are?

And to have a discipline that was driven by a desire to achieve a goal, an intention, a new way of being, that the discipline was actually the pathway for me and to support me to achieve the thing that was the thing that I wanted, the brass ring that I was attempting to grab.

Now, when I first started this, you know, I didn't have a good handle on it, of course, and I was probably more ruthless than I needed to be because as I've developed over the years, I realized that discipline is a great skill to have.

It's important skill to have.

You know, if you want to get something done, you need a level of discipline.

When you want to do a long term goal like lose weight over many months or years, that is discipline.

And it's important to know how to give yourself discipline and how to activate the discipline within you.

But now I don't see it as pure, better do or have to do, or if you don't, you're bad.

Instead, it comes with a sweet sense of compassion.

A sweet sense of compassion.

Now, some people would say that I'm letting myself off the hook or oh, oh, you're letting yourself off the hook, Rhonda.

Oh, compassion.

So you don't do the thing you should do the better.

Do you really gotta, like be hard on yourself?

Come on.

Now, don't get me wrong.

There are times that everyone needs a pep speech, right?

Everybody needs a wake up speech once in a while.

It's okay, I get it.

I had one the other day from somebody and I appreciate it from somebody I trust from somebody, that that relationship is part of our relationship.

But for most times, compassion is not a way to let myself off the hook.

It's a way to see the thing that I want, the thing that I'm desiring, the thing that I'm attempting to practice through gentler eyes, through eyes of ease, through eyes of grace, rather than through the hard, tough, iron fist of you better.

So do I think we all need discipline?

Yes.

Do I think we all need that skill?

Yes.

Do some of us need it more than others?

Maybe.

But what I do know, no matter what that looks like for you, is that without compassion, it will just turn into beating yourself up.

And when you give yourself compassion in the midst of being disciplined, you will be listening to yourself better, more refined, have more discernment, be able to tell, like, oh, wait a minute, I do need to sit down for a minute.

Or oh, I need to take a little break.

Or oh, I can push myself harder.

You're more in tune with yourself.

Because the goal isn't solely the focused focus.

And you better do it.

Or else instead it becomes having a relationship with the goal.

Having a relationship with yourself to achieve that goal, intention, etc.

So discipline.

Do I want to use that skill?

Yes.

But want us to remember that always, always, always filter it through the lens of compassion.

Until next time, be fearless.

I. Sa.