My take on it was, it's coming from God. We're getting

a pretty spiritual experience here through me, his

father, to him. So it's like this is. This love is

way beyond me. It's coming

from God through me to him,

and just feeling that directed at him.

Just. I've never felt anything like that. Welcome to the King Within,

a podcast for men who seem to have it all, yet feel like they're losing

what matters most. I'm Mike Salemi, and I've been there. Successful

on paper, but disconnected on the inside. This isn't about grinding

harder. It's about mastering your emotions, leading with calm

strength, and rebuilding trust at home. Each week we dive into

real stories. And tools for becoming the man your. Family runs towards,

not away from, because. You didn't build this life to lose yourself in it. This

is the King within. Let's do the work. I first met JP

Sears over a decade ago when he was teaching workshops and doing personal

coaching. I got to learn from him early on in my own journey, and it's

been powerful to watch how he's evolved since then. Today,

JP joins me as a father, comedian, and embodied teacher

who still uses humor as a way to wake people up. In this

conversation, we explore what it means to be a whole man, how

vulnerability without strength becomes a puddle, how fatherhood

awakens the warrior and the nightly clearing practice he and his partner

use to keep love alive. We also talk about

standing your ground when the world pushes back and how to find the hill

you're willing to die on if this one lands for you. Follow the

show and drop a quick review. It helps the mission reach more men walking

this path. Here's today's episode with JP Sears.

My man. Well, first off, buddy, thank you again

for having me in your home and being back with you. It feels really good,

man. It's been a long time. Time, yeah. Same pleasure having you here, brother.

You're welcome. And it was an honor to have you sit in my garage

for three hours. Dude. When was the

first year? Do you recall the first year that we met?

No, I was trying to think of that. No,

I don't. I'm sure it was before 2010. Yeah.

Do you. Do you recall, was I teaching a class and we met or.

You were at the Czech Institute and I was just hanging around. You

know, you definitely taught my first HLC1

class, like that was for sure. But I'm pretty positive

we had met somewhere through the Check Institute before then, so probably.

Yeah. Between 08 and 00:10. I would imagine. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. I don't remember the pinpoint. Like, no offense, like,

you're very forgettable, Mike. No, but it, I don't remember

the pinpoint, but it was many moons ago. At this point it seems

like. Well, I mean this in the best possible way.

And in those times, what I would say is at least

my experience of you, I mean, always been super heart centered, super

just emotionally there. Like when I've talked to you back

then and when I talk to you now, like I can feel you and just.

Or my experience of you and just really feel that you're connected. And what

I would say is just the transformation since then of like your

physical body of your work. I would say in the best

way. Like you, you are a stronger, harder man. Now,

is that fair to say? Or what do you recall back then? Yeah, yeah, I,

I would definitely say there's parts of my manhood that were not online

then. They're much more online now. Still have work to go.

But yeah, I appreciate that reflection. That definitely seems true from my

point of view. Can I ask you, JP, when you think

about where you were so 010, we're in so 15 to 17

years ago, how would you have

described what it means to be either healthy

masculinity or what a man meant to you then? And I'd love to

see where you're at now and see the contrast. Yeah,

there. There's definitely a distinction. So there's

2010 JPL will have different answers.

So the 2010 JP, I think

really latched on to vulnerability and, and

emotional connection. Like that's a big part of being

a man. And part of that was looking at sort of

a generational absence of like, men aren't

connected. Men need to be vulnerable, they should be

strong. But yeah, I would say 2010

JP's just. Here's what a man is, is a

guy who's in his heart, he can be vulnerable and he can be

strong. Fast forwarding to present

day, I would say

certainly a guy who's connected to his emotions, like it's.

It's your heart, it's for you to be connected to.

And I would dare say vulnerability, I used to virtue

it like, dude, that's like cry with a woman and it kind

of falling for the feminization of men.

But now I'd say like, no, a guy should be connected to his emotions

and he should be emotionally connective. He should

have that capacity, but he shouldn't be

there all the time. And that becomes his identity and

wholeness as A man. So I would add to cool,

he's connected to his emotions. So like the lover,

that's part of a manhood. And then a big thing that

I see now is a man has to be a

warrior. And I used to again, I,

I, I fall, I fell for the

feminine or what's it called, the feminist movement

that looks at the, the great masculine characteristics.

They call it toxic. But now I see no, no, like a man.

I heard this quote, I forget who said it, but a real

man should be able to slit a throat and hold a baby in the same

day. And obviously that's kind of an extreme way to say it, but

a whole man needs to have a wide range. You know, is

if you're with your three year old, probably good. I mean,

putting him to bed, a great time to be tender. You're having a beautiful

moment with your lady, Great time to be tender. If you're

standing up for what you believe in, or you're protecting your family, or you're

just going after it on your mission, great time to be a

warrior. Then there's a lot of space in between. So

I think a whole man has those parts online

in his psyche. And then as we develop

ourselves, not only do we develop more capacity, but we also

develop the discernment and I would say

natural instinct. And as far as where to slot

in with situational specific

appropriateness. Like by contrast,

look at a, I've been listening to a ton of like

Navy seal, SEAL Team six, Delta Force guys.

Those are the warriors. That's like an archetypal warrior.

Then they come home after service and they're being a warrior

with their, their wife, their family 24, 7. They have

problems accessing. A lot of them do work,

learn how to access the other components. But if you're just stuck in the warrior,

that's all you're not. A whole man. It's awesome to have that warrior

capability, but to apply that in every situation,

that's a dysfunctional man and the tender, vulnerable

man, if that's all you had access to. And that, that was kind of what

I identified with back in 2010. If you

just apply that to every situation, cool. You're, you're a

pushover a lot of times. You get it right some of the time.

But I think a man can, he, he needs to be able to access

the whole masculine spectrum.

I really love that because one of the things that I've seen especially in

intimate relationship is like, that is a beautiful thing to bring

your heart, to be able to connect to be able to access your own

vulnerability in a relationship. But if that's

the extreme or that's where you stay, it's like a puddle. And

it doesn't really feel. At least speaking with my wife or speaking with the wives

of some of the men that I work with, there really isn't maybe a level

of safety or trustability to be able to, like, can

this man hold me? Or do they actually. Oftentimes it's the wives of

those men that actually are holding them. And there's a time and a place for

that. But if that's the predominant time that they spend,

I would venture to say, more than likely it's going to kill intimacy, that

polarity is not going to be there, and they won't be able to really feel,

at least in their words, feel held in those moments. I. I very much agree.

I couldn't have said it better. Like, as the protector, the,

you know, the strong oak tree pillar in the

relationship. If you're a puddle a lot of times,

like, how. How reliable of protection is a puddle? Not

very strong. And I did a good job of

probably failing in many relationships

by having that go on and not seeing it

until I began to see it. You know, jp, one of the questions

that I always, so far on this show, like, really enjoy asking

is, you know, our parents are obviously some of the deepest

imprints that we have on our psyche, our development, what it means to be a

man, what it means to be a woman. I'd

love to learn and hear from you. What did your father

specifically either teach you or not teach you about what

it meant to be a man? And what was that like for you growing up?

Yeah, I think the good things that my, like,

because, you know, learn what not to do, what to do. But, like,

what he did in print on how to be a man, very

directly, one was like the. The

masculine archetype of the magician using

humor. So he. He taught me humor and

like a. I think that's a great part of

masculinity. You can, like, take hold of a situation and

transform it with humor. You can transform perspective

with humor. So he was a great example of that.

He was a great example of strong work

ethic. You know, maybe too much so, but

nonetheless a strong work ethic. I remember a lot of times in my

childhood he would have left for work before I got up for

school, and he'd come home after I was in bed. And of

course, like, could have had more time with him if he didn't have

such a strong Work ethic. But he had a strong work ethic

and that's cool. And also I think the sort

of the Jordan Peterson discipline, having your

room in order. My dad was great at keeping order

in the sense of making sure oils changed

in the lawnmower, the cars, and just like those little

things that I'm. I'm not that great of being on top of today,

but I can look back and see like he was a great teacher of those.

I was probably just a defiant kid and like the man thing

with tools and fixing a tractor and like

doing drywall, like any home project, something

broke. Like my dad knew how to fix it. And that's

cool. Like, that's. That's something I. I wish I

was a better student of growing up with my dad, but I think

there was some defiance like, ah, this is. This is boring. And

yeah, so my dad was really great in those respects.

And then I think things I had to

find and learn outside of my dad, whether it was

quick or, you know, still in development, a lot of

the warrior archetype, like one being a strong

human. My dad was never into fitness or

strength, so I had to find those influences elf

elsewhere. You know, the warrior mentality of like

how to use guns, how to fight, like that, that

came from outside of my dad. Not to say I'm a good fighter. Yeah.

So those. And I think emotional connection. I don't

think that was one of my dad's strong points.

I think he was way more emotionally connected to me and my

sister than what he expressed with my mom. So

essentially like how to treat a lady and how to

cherish her and honor her.

I. Which is a very important thing to do as a man.

I've. I've had to figure that out elsewhere as well.

I mean, I think all of us like our fathers. I really do believe that

our mom and dad probably two of the most, if not the most

influential people in our life. And I mean, even

in an intimate relationship, they're not meant to be everything to us. It's not how

spiritual growth works. We learn our lessons when we're with them. And then

there's a point of individuation. What was a major point,

especially going back to that masculinity piece. You start on this end

of the spectrum. Now we'll say you're heading more towards this side.

What was one or two major moments that you can recall of where

you either individuated or. Was there any moments

that stand out? Like. Like that is when my perspective change or that's when

I really felt this strong pull to develop myself in these ways

that I hadn't cultivated earlier. Yeah, the.

And this might be recency bias, but it's. It's

inarguably. Extremely potent for me is the

warrior archetype that came. It came into my

field like, this is a thing, and it's not in me

in 2020. And I think the perfect storm of

COVID with these tyrannical things that

violated my logical perspective. They violated my

values, in other words, gave me something to really stand up

against or cower down to. Choice was mine.

So perfect storm of that with finding out my. My first

son was on the way. So now the. Like, the

father in me is being awoken for the first time ever, of

course, because I wasn't a father before. So those

two things really started my awareness of

I'm lacking the warrior and I need the warrior, both

in my professional mission as well as my

personal mission of being a father. So,

you know, I really cool. I'm gonna take this weekend long

sheep. Sheepdog protector course. You know, jiu

jitsu, guns firing thousands of rounds, learning

how to protect your family. And so much more to develop after

that. But that was like, an entry point. Like, cool, I'm. I'm doing

that. So for me, Covid there. There were a lot of

curses to it, but a lot of blessings to it as well. It helped me

develop a lot of myself, quite honestly.

Yeah. And then, honestly, it was probably

after that learning. In intimate relationships,

being a man means you bring the masculine energy. You have to

bring that polarity. You have to stand for something and not

just people please. And

become this puddle of whatever I think she wants me to

be. But I need to have my opinions and I need to

stand for things as, like, the leader of the family

and realizing, like, oh, being the leader of the family is also

a thing. Because my old programming

kind of was like, oh, it's just kind of toxic masculinity. You know, you

don't want to make women feel

whatever they feel. The feminists say that you're disempowering

women by loving them so much that you protect them

and provide them masculine energy. So those were.

Yeah, a couple things that come to me for sure.

And there was so much there. See where I want to go with this.

Well, one thing, you know, the fatherhood piece is really the heart of where

I'm so curious. And you got another baby on

or, you know. Men

can get pregnant. According to my. Yes, my beautiful

lady Mallory is pregnant. Yeah. So you got baby number two. But

before we get into that, there's one thing that something that I

really admire about you and also something that I'm truly curious

to learn, and that's as you're standing up and

sharing an unpopular opinion. Popular in many regards, but also

unpopular. And you're cultivating that warrior. And, and I would

imagine, like, you take shots, you take

shots from many people out there who, whether disagree or whatnot.

And a lot of men would crumble

around people having disagreements with their view or taking

cheap shots, whatever it is. What have you learned? Or

how have you been able to. Or how has it affected you? How have you

been able to stand your ground amiss?

Whether you want to say the haters or people taking shots at you, I'd love

to hear what have you found so helpful in staying

in your center as much as possible with that? Yeah, there.

There's two parts, perspective and practice. I think having a

mental framework to then understand

the practical experience of having

resistance come at you, that is so helpful because it

gives it a sense of purpose. So in short, a

perspective as simple as

life happens for me, not to me, that's important.

Otherwise you become the victim. Oh, look, you know, it's.

People are attacking me. That's an angry comment. Poor me.

But the idea that, like life serves up what we need,

it's not happening to you. You're not a victim. Life wants you to be

a victor. So this is happening for you, along with

a perspective of we become stronger, better people

through uncomfortable experiences. Like, it's hard to find something

that's very comfortable that actually makes you stronger.

Usually we get weaker when we're comfortable. Having had that

framework, that mentality for a long time was

important for them, the practical experience to fit into which

starting in 2020, you know, speaking out on

behalf of freedom, criticizing what I instill to this day, what

I deem to be lies, hypocrisy,

corruption, gaslighting. What. What that's like

is it's scarier before it happens.

When you see it happen to other people, it's scarier.

You think, what if that happens to me? Boy, that's. Well,

that's going to be really bad. Then when it

happened, and I'll speak my experience, some people do cower down.

But when it started happening to me, and there's another

wave of it currently, it's. It. It's just

so great. It's like when you're. If you're on the

bench press and you have a weight

depending on how you Relate to that weight. You're either going to let it crush

you or that weight is going to make you stronger. So

I. What I found in

the whole thing, look, I'll just share my experience calling the.

The resistance, the backlash. Call that cancel culture,

Just a quick term for it. Cancel

culture only works if you consent to it. And people consent

to cancel culture through the bond of fear they fear.

Cancel culture could take away from me what

our minds can measure. It could take away money, it could take away reputation,

status, all the things on our deathbed we will

not give a about. But cancel culture cannot

take away what really matters. Your

principles. When you stand for your relationship to

God and therefore your mission, how you protect

and provide for your family, the values that you

stand for and therefore are imprinted on your family every

day. Cancel culture can take that away. And

in fact, the more resistance you get, the

heavier the barbell gets, the stronger you get in

those areas. Because now you've got resistance tempting

you, pushing you. Sometimes it even feels physical trying

to push you off your hill that you should be willing to die

on. We should be willing to die for our values and principles.

So what I found is it just makes me stronger in those

areas. And looking at some prime

examples of people that have faced bigger waves

of cancel culture than me, the most canceled person

ever, Donald Trump. I mean, holy hell, look

at that cancel culture. Ten years of

intense media, like all the cable news

trying to cancel him, with every story smearing his character,

impeachments, bullets literally flying at

him and hitting him. I mean, a bullet is a severe form

of cancel culture indictments.

And that helped him get reelected because it made

him stronger and more resolved to stand for what he

stands for. Jordan Peterson, same thing.

All the cancel culture that started at him, at him in 2016,

that blew him up, grew his audience because he got bolder and

his voice got stronger because he had resistance to strengthen it.

Dave Chappelle, Joe Rogan. So, and then my experience

is like, that's great. It actually helps

you. Now, the other thing that. And I'm talking about cancel culture,

but I think it's just a pattern. It's an archetypal experience

that we all face. It's just. Can you recognize how it presents

itself in your life? The other little secret that

nobody tells you, but my learned experience has told

me, cancel culture, you fear that

it can take away things. It

usually doesn't. It can take away the things that don't matter,

but it usually doesn't. And if it does,

if you don't compromise. If you don't cower down, if you

choose courage over cowardice, your

deathbed self is going to have a lot less regrets.

So. Yeah, and, and also I,

I wouldn't encourage people like go figure out what's going to piss people

off and just tell them that so you can have this. You have to be

true and authentic to what you stand for. However

it presents itself in your life, it needs to be an authentic experience.

But in other words, we all have temptations that tempt us

to abandon who and what we are and what we stand

for. Man, that is one, so helpful.

And two, the piece that you were talking about, the hill

you're willing to die on, I think

that is one of the. I think personally one of

the most important things that we as men can

clarify for ourselves, which is largely based on our principles, our values.

That single piece right there, like hearing you say that

immediately the feeling in my body was incre. Even more increased

trustability with you. Like when we're in front of men or when

I'm taking that stand, I mean, has the experience

of just feeling more solid. You're less like,

I don't know, like a flower in the, in the breeze

or whatever. It's like this man stands for something. I may disagree

and I could also agree to disagree and have a position in the stance.

But you having that hill you're willing to die on and

what that says about you, about how you view

yourself, how you view the world, that is one of the things

that I think so many men are craving

and also need to go through their own. Whether it's rite of

passage or individuation or clarity moment. But that single thing,

brother, to me. It'S a life changer. A man who

doesn't have something more important than himself in his

life will never be a whole man. Because what does the man

stand for? You know, the warrior isn't a warrior on

the battlefield because he wants to be

or just for himself. The warrior is representing something

greater than himself might be the kingdom or whatever it is.

And I think as we share the beautiful experience of fatherhood,

we realize like the easy, the closest thing

and, and the most important thing that a man can

live for, that's he knows this is more important than me,

this family, his children, his wife.

And that makes you a whole man or

it's an important ingredient. But a man who doesn't have something

that he's willing to die for, he's in an immature

phase of development and go find it. I

mean, you Said it. I so respect and trust a man

who knows the hill that he's willing to die on,

provided I believe he's arrived at that of his own accord.

He's not brainwashed or influenced

to die for something that isn't like his

authentic belief. I'll never forget like it when this

really struck me and how beautiful and

fierce it is. It was four or five years ago, I was in

California having dinner with Robert F. Kennedy

Jr. And he was talking about the,

the censorship on free speech and he just stood up

and said this is the hill to die on.

We, we do not surrender

speech. He said that, you know, surrendering freedom.

Our founding fathers knew there are worse

things than death. And living a life without freedom

is one of those things that's worse than death. And just seeing

his example of the hill he's willing to die on,

the conviction he had and by the way, not just words,

just watching his actions then and

since then it's like wow, that is, that was a very

potent example to see and hear, but more

like viscerally feel. I mean that,

I mean that's one of, I would say one of the such needed

and also largely missing nourishments today is

surrounding ourselves with other solid men,

whether it's just through osmosis

or witnessing them and what that can show us about parts about

ourselves that are there or parts about ourselves that we're looking to cultivate.

But that being around other strong men, I think single

handedly that may be one of the most

important and game changing things for a man. Like,

and I would love to hear your perspective on this, looking to grow in

these ways that we're talking about, looking to be harder to kill. Cultivate that warrior,

find that hill. He's willing to stand on support and be a solid

rock for his family. Get around other men that are doing that.

Yeah, absolutely. Being in real physical

proximity, there's no substitute for that. And

also there's nice bridges like I mentioned. I've

been listening to a ton of videos and podcasts with

not just Navy SEALs but SEAL Team 6, which is like the elite,

elite and Delta Force. And, and you can

tell like I'm further trying to cultivate my warrior, just like

learn from them. But these are people

like, I mean is there anything more

manly than being willing to sacrifice your life for

what you deem to be more important than your life? And

for these guys, it's their, their brothers, their teammates

in their country. And there was a guy,

he's the most warrior person I've Ever heard of. I went to high

school with him, and in high school, he was

maybe an average athlete. Played soccer

a little bit shorter than me, a little bit pudgy. And he would

just say, I'm going to be a Navy seal. Don't know

about that. In fact, I doubt that. Anyway,

he graduated high school, becomes a Navy seal,

and then I don't know how many years of SEAL service,

but then he made SEAL Team Six. Whoa. And then

there was a mission. And by the way, this dude is a quiet

professional. Good luck finding

interviews with him outside of. Just like this is the armies

or the Navy's YouTube channel, where it's their content they

want him to do. But there was a mission he

was on. It was a hostage rescue mission, I believe, in Afghanistan.

And what happened? The. The first

SEAL Team 6 guy entered the door of the

compound, got shot and killed instantly.

Gunfire everywhere. So what's this guy do?

Runs right into the doorway, right into a hail of

gunfire, because the mission was more important

than him. There was an American doctor in there being held hostage,

set to be executed anytime. So.

Hail of gunfire. He jumps on a

guy. Can't kill him immediately because it might be the hostage.

So he's. As the chaos of gunfire

is happening, he's yelling out for the hostage.

Here's him. Identify himself over there.

Then shoots this guy in the head. Bullet still flying.

Dives on the hostage because he wants to use his

body to protect the hostage. As he's on, the

hostage pins a bad guy against

the wall by the neck until one of his teammates comes in

and shoots this guy in the head. Takes him out.

Jesus. Then 2016, Obama

awarded him the Medal of Honor, became the first

Navy SEAL to be awarded the Medal of Honor. His name's Ed

Byers. But seeing him playing soccer

with him, when it's like he wants to be a

warrior, and then see him become

the best example of a warrior

that I could imagine, it just fascinates me and

gives me hope. Not that I'll ever be a fraction of that, but just

like this thing, I think has infinite capacity

to be developed. But then

most of the time, applying a warrior. I think in my life

as a father, it's not so much cool. There's

a bad guy trying to get in the house, let me go, take him out.

But it's more like asking ourselves this question,

what's best? Not for me, but for the family right now. In the

warrior, cool. I will sacrifice what I need to. I wanted to

go hang out with so and so My family needs me.

Yeah. To me, that, that warrior mentality, it's, it's very

needed on a daily basis, just in mundane

looking ways. But I think we access that warrior mentality

anytime we ask what's best for my family, not best for me

right now. And ultimately what's best for the family actually is

what's best for us. But we have to have the. There's something

more important than me in order to be a

real man and have that warrior active in our lives. I

think, I think that that archetype is

something that so many men are again craving

to cultivate and

being willing to fight, to lay down your life to sacrifice. And

also what I appreciate is you just brought it really home in a way that

I think most men listening to this can relate to. How does this relate to

on a day to day basis? And what I heard you say in terms of

the sacrifice piece, and I love this saying,

but if we break up the word sacrifice, the first part is sacred.

So I've really changed my frame around when I'm

sacrificing for the family. And before we were recording,

one of the things that you shared with me is, you know, this may be

one of your last or you're really scaling down your

comedy work to create space for

baby number two. And like the fatherhood piece that you're

stepping into this next season of life. And I've really taken that

word sacrifice. And with intentionality being

like, when I'm sacrificing, fuck, dude, I'm making this

even more sacred. Yeah. Because I'm sacrificing, I am

making it sacred for me, for the family. And so,

you know, the fatherhood piece, to hear that from you, absolutely

hits and resonates. What would you say, you know, when

Wilder, who's five now, what would you say has

been like, let's go back five years, 20, 20, he comes

in. What did that shift in you? I know we're around,

we're right around the bullseye with that. But what either

surprised you about yourself or what did baby, you know, him

coming into this world, what did that unlock in you? You

know, I think, and it doesn't happen overnight, it's. I

think it's a progressive journey.

But essentially it unlocks a death to the

old self and a birthing of

a new self. And I think the new self is more of who we

really are. But the especially I think

a father who does a

either, you know, does a pretty good job of being a father, tries

his best not saying any father is going to be perfect. Not saying I am

by any stretch, but when you're sacrificing,

you're no longer feeding your old sense of self.

Therefore that old sense of self gradually

dies. And it's a great thing and it can be an

uncomfortable thing, especially if you don't recognize it. But then

just unlocking this like new discovery

of who am I and how am I

to be? And you don't really know because this is the first

time, you know, if you're at the cutting edge of your father journey like this.

First time I've ever been the father of a father, five year old when he

was born, first time I've ever been a father. So

having to discover this new

self that's gradually being unlocked

is pretty fascinating and I think at times

scary and very invigorating, but overall

very fulfilling. You know, back when my

son Wilder was born, you know, I thought I,

you know, and I made sacrifices at the time, at the time I thought,

well, this is going to be the sacrifice. Specifically

looking at stand up touring, stand up comedy

touring. Before he was born, sometimes I'd be on the road six

weekends in a row doing shows in various cities. And it's

like, that's so fulfilling and so engaging. So

like professionally, nothing gratifies me more than being on

stage in a, a show's going amazingly,

but it's like, okay, now I'm a father, I can't, I don't want to be

the father who's gone for, you know, four

days a week, six weeks in a row. I'm going to scale

back. So I, I, I sacrificed a lot of shows and

set a new schedule. I'll tour two weekends a month

and I've done that for the past four years. But now the

new sacrifice that aligns with

who I'm becoming now as a dad now then

it's, it's a call to sacrifice more. Where now I,

I'm, after this year I won't be touring anymore.

And like I said, it's very gratifying. I feel

really cool when I'm touring and it's so fun

being on stage and it's grown to feel empty

in the sense of being away from my family. And then when I come

home, I'm in tremendous sleep debt because I've done late

night shows and getting up early for flights. So my sleep has

been dog poop for four days in a row. I'm

then not a full alive person

for the people that matter most for at least three or four days

for My energy to fully rebound for me to be present

and want to do all the activities. So,

like, that's like a new unlocking level. Like, okay, now I'm a

guy who doesn't tour doing standup comedy,

and there's been a sense of self that's been with that

for a while. So it's like, okay, now it's going to die.

So, yeah, I don't even know if that answers the question, but that's some

perspective on what gets unlocked. When you were

traveling as much as you were, was there anything

that really you found helpful to,

especially with Wyther, help him feel held

or feeling connected to you either when you were away or what would you do

when you get back? Because there's going to be a fair bit of men listening

this who are grinding their ass off working, traveling. So

what did you find or what did you put in place or what did you

learn about how can you be papa still when you're away?

Or what did you put into place when you got back to really keep that

connection as strong as possible? Yeah, the.

Nothing fancy other than a lot of

time with him. You know, even on

weeks where I wasn't traveling, I would still have a

lot of time with my son. I think

more than a lot of dads. You know, I. I would just

manipulate my work schedule, work like hell, and have, like,

big quantities of time with him. And I'm sure

there's probably more I. I could have done, but that just,

like, quantities of time was what I would

prioritize with him. The more dads that I've

talked to and even felt this within my relationship with my son.

I've said this multiple times on this podcast, but our presence and our

time. Our presence largely is the currency of

fatherhood. Yeah. Like my boy

Luca, I mean, he's almost three. Like, could give two shits

about what papa does or how much papa makes.

And it. It's also an area, too, of where I still have room

to grow. Because, you know, at times, yeah, my phone will pull me

away. And when he calls me out on that, like, papa, like,

he now, because he can speak well, like, papa no phone, or papa

put the phone away. And I'm like, oh, my God, Kyler. Would say the same

thing. And what came up for you in. That, like, instant

behavior change? And I wasn't even someone

who's, like, super compulsive. Let me just be on my phone. I.

I've never liked being on my phone, but, like, okay, I'm checking

text or what is going on on Instagram? Do that once

in a while. But kids are so smart, they're so in

tune and they. They know you might as well be a thousand

miles away if you're on your phone because they have the same

amount of attention of yours that they would if you were a thousand miles away,

which is zero. So what came up for me is

this boy is way more important than this phone. I will put it away.

I. Even if it, like, I'm just, like, curious what's going

on or I feel the pressure, I need to get back to someone

right away. It's like feeling that pressure is mine to carry.

So. Instant behavior change. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah, I feel that big time. What came up for you?

Shame, you know?

Yeah, shame. And. And my heart hurt because, like,

I know deep down, I mean,

I'm already working so much providing for the family. Like, my time with him really

is precious. And for him, one of the things that's just blown me

away and blown my heart wide open is I've really never been around

someone that's so fucking pure. Yeah. Like, the

innocence and the purity of a kid. It's like, talk about willing

to die for someone. Yeah. Like, just looking at my

boy, I'm continually blown away, like, holy shit.

Yeah. Like, all the things. He is enough. He is love,

he is perfect, he is adequate just because he is. I've

never. All of the things that I've learned

of who I've needed to be to get love to fit in the family, etc,

when he came out and when I placed him on my

wife's Lauren chest, I had this

major spiritual moment of like, oh, my God.

I would never say to him, you're not lovable, you're

inadequate. You're not enough. And I was like, you are just because you are. And

so to have something, someone so

pure and look at me with just the biggest eyes and

then say, papa no phone. I'm like, you're right.

So it's been a big teacher and it's something. I've improved

a lot. And like I said, I don't like as well as you like my

time on the phone. And there is that pull.

Let me just get back to that email or let me just get to that

person and then I'll be here. I'll be able to relax more once I get

those couple things done. It's. He's

been, unquote, like, my wife's major teacher for me, for

sure. Like, my goodness. And

him, though, and like the purity of a child.

Has been just blowing me wide open and showing me parts of myself. And I'm

like, oh, my God, I will change for this guy. I

want to change. I choose to change. It

truly is a privilege, and it's a privilege to be a

father. It's a privilege to provide for my family. And I'm the way

with my line of work as well. Like you, I really do get to set

my own schedule. I don't work a 9 to 5. So

it's been calling me up to set more boundaries. And

that's something that, you know, my wife told me the other day. She's like, you

know what? I know how we've made it. And I was like, what? This hit

me pretty hard, too. And I was like, what, sweets? And she goes,

when we can have dinner every night as a family? Yeah. And I

was like, amen to that. Got it. And so

that's something I've also been. Been working on, too, because

it can be so easy to take the next coaching call or what.

Yeah, yeah. I'm curious in.

As you navigate you. You're the pilot of you

as a father. There's. There's this thing I'm

vigilant of. I don't probably always

get it right, but I'm working on it. And it's this balance

of. As the father, I do believe our

specialty sons, they need structure,

guidance from us. They need to be led that.

That's so good for them, and they will push back on that.

So the. The balance between providing

the structure, holding boundaries,

and then being like the tender pushover that does whatever the child

wants. The. And obviously they, you know, we

cool. You want to play with cars? Yeah, we'll do that for a

little bit. But when they try to bend the rules, which kind of

comes on gradually because they're this immobile

newborn, and then there's this gradual, like, wow, they

manipulate me. And. And they're so gratified when they do

it. And it's so, you know, appeasing and kind of fun,

but then also, like, they're not getting that

masculine example and the guidance and the boundaries with it.

So curious how you think about that

balance. You know, it might be different. And I know you

guys don't know the sex of the baby that's coming soon. We're waiting until

they're 12 for them to decide trying to do it

politically correctly. Well, I would imagine

if we had a daughter, it might be a little bit different. I

think I'd be a bit. I mean, yeah, I've Definitely got my soft points and

really love, you know, connecting in a soft way with

my boy. But I also, like, I really do believe

my fucking role as a dad is to be that

structure. And so we talked, like you mentioned earlier, about having

the greater good in mind. And so I honestly

don't mind. And I actually enjoy

creating that structure. And if he pushes back, because there's a part of

me that knows he needs this. And in fact, even

if he pushes back, I see there's a different

relationship he has with my wife. There's a different relationship he has with everybody in

our family. And I really do believe and have seen it with him, that

even if I'm a bit more stern or I'm a bit more holding a

firm line, he actually regulates better

with me. And this is something that, like, when

he has a meltdown, right, he's two, two and a half, whatever, you

know, turning three soon. And the thing is

so funny, I was talking to a friend about this the other day. So what

I do, oftentimes you'll have a meltdown, and. And I'll just.

I'll grab him and I'll take him upstairs, pick him up. We'll go in one

of the bedrooms that's totally quiet. I'll sit him on my lap. And I

had this talk about a teacher. So in the beginning,

I would ask him, you angry, buddy? You know, what's going on? And

he started telling me something like, papa, don't talk.

Papa, stop talking. And I was like, what? What?

And then I started realizing, like, he doesn't want me to talk.

He just needs me to regulate with him. So now, for

the first minute or so, all we do is sit. And he

has his peak and valley. He has his emotional experience, but I don't

say shit. And that solid structure is

where I see him following my lead and

melting into me. So it hasn't honestly been super

hard. And I actually, like, that's my role.

Yeah. How's it been for you? Yeah, I think

seemingly good and having that path,

because I see the same thing with my son. He

regulates way better with

structure. He's. He thrives in

structure, even though, of course, at times he'll rebel against it,

have a meltdown. Then you're the oak tree, just being

present with him. And. And I do the same thing. I'm

usually not talking for the first couple minutes. I'm just there connected with them,

helping them regulate. But I think

my biggest struggle is just being curious where my blind

spots are. Where. Where am I compromising

boundaries, caving in that I don't recognize.

And I think the occasional, you know,

bending in the rules, like, that's like a good, like,

lottery treasure, I have no problem with that. But that

regularity of getting a child to mistrust

dad to the point of believing I can manipulate him, I just have to

push the boundaries or I need to get unregulated

enough, long enough. I think that teaches our children to mistrust

us. So on the whole, it seems

good because you actually see the payoff of, like,

they're doing better with this. But, yeah, I just get curious

about, like, my blind spots. I get curious because

he's almost five and so smart. And I

realize any parent, even the ones with dumb children, would say

they're so smart. So I. But I think my son's so smart.

I think he's good at manipulating at this point. So I'm like,

where is he manipulating me that I don't recognize?

So I just get curious about, like, what I am not aware of at this

point. I mean, he's basically twice the age of Luca, so he's got a

lot more skills and a lot more time with papa to really understand

the inner workings. You were saying blind spots. What else has

shown up as likely? Blind spots that have come up

that are either areas of challenge, areas that you've identified, like, man,

I'm working right now on growing those aspects. What are some of the

blind spots that have shown up for you? Yeah, that's a

great question. They might mostly still be

in my blind spots. Yeah, that's. Yeah. Yeah.

I. I don't have a great answer. I think they're, you know, in fact,

I will say Mallory, she

has, you know, Wilder's stepmom. She

has helped me see so much in the way of blind

spots, places where I wasn't firm holding the

line. And she communicates then very well to me,

like, just conversations with her and I. Not emasculating

dad in front of the child. But,

yeah, the. She helped point out so many where I

was just, like, you know, said, this is how it's going to

be. And then two hours later, okay, you can do that.

And, like, I would forget, not recognize. Oh, I. I

established that line and I didn't hold it. I, like, I

forgot. I was just not aware. So there's been a lot of those

just, like, little things, but they were consistently

like leaks in the bull boat that she helped me

seen. And I've really valued her

reflections. Some of my closest guy friends

hear their. Their Fathers as well. So seeing their

examples, hearing their reflections, and

there's trust with them, too. And that's. I so value

having men as friends that I can actually trust.

And I know I can trust them because they'll tell me things I don't want

to hear. They'll point out, like, I. I see you doing

this with Wilder, and I was just getting curious

about that. I'm like, yeah, no, yeah, thank you for bringing that

up. And vice versa. So I. I think

the community around me has been very helpful to

see my blind spots because they're essentially becoming the

mirror that just talks. Well,

that sharpening that you get from other solid men

that you respect. Especially, like, what I find these days, like, I've definitely

got friends that are single, but the vast majority of people that me and

Lauren spend our time with is a people. And other kids, they just

get it right. They're just in a season of life where there's just a lot,

you know, having a screaming baby around or meltdowns, like, oh, it's okay. It's.

Everything's. Everything's cool. But that sharpening that you can

get from other solid men or, you know, your.

Your intimate partner, like, that is, for me, what I've seen

in this work. It is. It is one of the greatest

gifts that we can give each other. I agree.

Wise person once said, iron sharpens iron, which kind of

implies you need two pieces of iron. Just iron.

You're just kind of left to how

good your blind spots are. But having that trusted community for

reflections who care enough to say things that might

make them feel uncomfortable to say. That'S so

valuable when they can bring it to you in a way where it's

as if to say, like, jp, I love you so

fucking much that I'm going to be a stand for you. I'm going

to say this thing that normally would be uncomfortable, but because the

intention behind it is loving. And when you lead with curiosity,

I've really found, like, it can be also much more received. But if there's that

love and that trust, that's key. One of the best

things that. So there's a dear friend of mine is Dr.

Nathan Riley. Are you familiar with Dr. Nathan? I'm not, no. Super good

dude. He's got the born free method. He's the

holistic obgyn. He delivered Mana Paul's first

baby. I don't think both, but, yeah,

we've got a lot of mutual friends. Amazing human. And

he had given me such great advice. He said, honestly, Mike,

the Birth experience is pretty straightforward. Like,

baby's coming out, like. Yeah, sums it up. Yeah.

What's gonna happen? You know, because there's so many people, myself included

and first time father. I'm like, it's a huge, huge

moment. But he's like, honestly, like, you and Lauren,

the work that you've done, your relation, all of that is solid. Like,

it's not honestly, the biggest thing. What is the biggest thing

is your guys's relationship moving forward.

And so in especially your relationship with Mallory,

what is some of the things that you've learned or you guys put into

place in terms of being parents and

also cultivating a relationship with each other.

Yeah. You know, a practice. And quite frankly,

the past couple weeks, we've gotten off track with it. We'll get back

on track. But there's a very simple practice

that we do at night. And it's just,

it's. It's quick, but it's so connective

and done every day. It. It just,

it's. Yeah, it's like

reinvigor. What's the word? It's just constant

fertilizer for the relationship. So it's going

through, I think it's four questions with each other. Usually we're in

bed. It's what's something about your day you're grateful

for? I'll share something

I'm grateful for about her, something I love about

her. And then if we have any. Anything

to clear, will there's space for that to come

up. And we want it to come up, even though it's usually like.

But we want it to come up rather than like, well, we'll pack that one

down well. And then after a year, okay, you've got

365 of these packed down. So it's

that intentional kind of like, you know, you go to the toilet at least once

a day. What if you didn't? After a year,

you're gonna be one full of. And probably toxic. We don't want

our relationship to be toxic. So we want to discharge what

otherwise could turn into toxins while fertilizing

with the gratitude and what we love about each other

that is so darn important. And then

honestly, being playful with each other is

so important for her and I's our unique personalities.

Being playful with each other is just such a strong

connector. But yeah, that those are some of the prime things we

do. And I'm sure as we continue the

practices, things will be added, subtracted, but

that's what matters most to us. And then intentional time together

as well. Having at least one date night, like,

focus. This is you and I time. We're not doing

tasks, we're not doing anything else. This is just you and

I time. That's. That's pretty important.

And I will say

our sex life is important to make sure. Like,

that's because that can be the canary in the coal mine.

So it's important to. For us to just keep that alive

and well.

Solid. The piece around clearing

charge, I would love to unpack that a bit. And could you

model what that has looked like or what that could look like?

Because I would imagine many guys listening when it comes to that

clearing of charge, bringing up something that hasn't been said or

stuffed down, there's likely going to be a lot of

anxiety or fears around that. So when it comes to

bringing that, and I don't know if this is true for you, but the fact

that you guys have made this almost like relationship flossing of the teeth,

relational hygiene, what it sounds like too, is when you

bring that up each day, it also, I would

imagine, hinders major things for bringing up because there's that constant

check in. Is that true? And then also, can you model what that

could look like? Yeah. And first

on the. Yeah, I think

discharging every day. And a lot of times it's like

we have nothing to clear, but when there's something to clear, we're going to clear

it. And my experience is, yes, that does

reduce, like, the big meltdowns

th. Those will happen on occasion. But the beautiful thing is

it's occasionally not like any kind of

regular basis. So that, yeah, just in the

toilet every day is better than once a month or whatever it is,

whatever needs to be cleared. Because essentially that means one of the

partners is triggered. You know, we felt in a, you

know, a big emotion about something, and usually it's not

a happy emotion. How that's communicated

can easily make things worse. You can. If you say it

wrong, you're gonna feel unheard. Then you'll

restate it in a wrong way, probably a little

louder. Then you know, she'll feel defensive or

I'll feel defensive, feel even more unheard. You get into

this loop and realize we're in a deeper hole than we were.

So how it's communicated, in my opinion, is essential. And I'm

so blessed. Mallory's communication style, what

training, experiences, learning she's gone through.

When we met, like, we had the same model of communication,

which is super helpful, but, like, getting on the same page, even if you're

on different pages, like get on the same page. Here's the page we're on.

When you have something to clear, own your experience.

So share your perspective while owning your experience. And I'll break

that down in a second. Second is share how you feel.

Third is make a request if you have it.

So share your perspective on what

happened while owning your experience. What that

doesn't look like is you ridiculed me

when our friends were over. That's accusatory.

It's. There's argument, like it's arguable

because she might not have. You definitely interpreted it that way.

So you have to be honest. I perceived you to

belittle me when I was getting something out of the fridge with that comment you

made. So that's my perception of what happened. You have

to own your experience. Otherwise you're projecting,

you're blaming, you're accusing.

That naturally causes defensiveness. So if you

own your experience, it's like, here's what I perceived happened.

I'm not going to say you did this. I'm going to say

I experienced you to do this. I perceived you to do this

from my perspective. Here's what you said.

Then the second part is the emotion. So

it's like, name the emotion. I feel angry because of that.

And then the third part is

any request. So the

request in this sort of example might be

at next time you need to give me feedback, would you be

willing to do that in private?

Mix in. It can also be helpful, sharing

perspective and feeling. To ask your partner, can you reflect what you

heard me say? Because we all want to feel understood. That's part of

clearing so that share your perspective while owning your

experience. Share your emotion, make a request. And

of course it's. There can be conversation

around that. But letting those be the three core

principles that you fall back to so that things

don't get, you know, off into left field,

in my opinion is a very productive route of

communication. Instead of spiraling downward. The more we talk,

the more angry I am now it becomes the more

we talk, the more clear we feel. Because a clearing

conversation, that's the intention we want to clear,

not clutter more. And I would imagine too, at least in my

relationship, those conversations, when they've happened, it's

deepened and brought our connection so much closer. Yeah,

there's one piece on the request, I would imagine, like, it has

to be a genuine request and not like a command

100 meaning, like, would you be willing to

X, Y and Z? And yet if she says no or no,

I'm not open to this or whatever, it has to come from a place of

genuine request. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. And yeah.

Request is the language of would you be willing.

And if you ask the question, you have to be ready for the answer.

She might have a. And typically, like, if it's like

I. My perspective. You criticized me in front of our friends.

She didn't do this. I'm just using it as an example. There's a

real good chance she'll understand. I can see how you felt that way.

Maybe she didn't mean it, but maybe she can see how I felt that

way. But yeah, if you make the request,

you have to be willing to take a yes or a no

as your answer. And if both part,

you know, if she really understands and you feel

understood, she'll have a really good reason for what her

no is. And you have. That's your part. You have to understand

what that is. However, I think

most of the clearing isn't from future behavior change.

It's from feeling understood. Like you.

You see me and my experience and my feelings. To me,

that's 90% of it. Wow.

Okay. You know your baby

number two can come at any point, right? I think you were saying, like,

could be today. Yeah. You. We might have you deliver.

The last time, one of my dear friends, I was staying at their home and

they went to labor that night. So really, bro, like, tag

me in whatever's needed. Whatever you need. And you

guys are having. Planning on having. Or having a home birth. Yeah. Was

Wilder a home birth? He was, yeah. Wow. What was. You know,

what was that like? And the most spiritual, sacred

experience I've ever had. Seeing this droplet of

God come fully into this three

dimensional world, man. The

most impactful thing was

feeling the love that was pouring through me to him.

And like I say that was the most spiritual thing

I've ever experienced because I don't think that

love was like, generated by me. It.

My. My take on it was. It's coming from God.

Therefore, we're getting a pretty spiritual experience here. Through

me, his father, to him. So it's like this is. This love

is way beyond me. It's

coming from God through me

to him. And just feeling that

directed at him, just. I've never felt anything

like that. That. It was just absolutely

incredible. You know, I was in tears for.

I don't. I don't know how long I was just in tears. It's just.

Just really, in a way humbling

experience. Like everything I thought that really

mattered in my life, it's so Humbling to

realize, viscerally, it doesn't really matter because

now I've got this comparison of this magnitude of love

for this. This droplet of God,

man, and literally life changing.

Wow. What do you, you know, when you come up, what, looking forward,

what are you most excited about? About baby number two

coming. Yeah, I mean, one, I can't

wait to see Mallory just be in full

motherhood because I think I know her,

but I also know, like, there's parts of her

motherhood, her. Her womanhood that aren't online

yet. And I know she's gonna be such an

amazing mom and I just can't wait to see

it. And for some reason, like, something

else I'm really looking forward to is

like, while Mallory nab's just taking the

stroller, taking our new little one out for a afternoon walk

in the sun, down through the neighborhood. Such a

weird, small thing, but for some reason I'm really looking

forward to that. Yeah.

Yeah. It's those small things, man. A lot of those small things

that really carry for me personally, just a

lot of meaning. And you know, the

having our boy,

man, it's blown me. I said this before, but it's like blown me wide open

more than I ever could have imagined. And to really

have a desire to step into this role and to be

a team with Lauren. And like, exactly what you said.

You can't wait to see Mallory. Like the fuck. Also the fucking warrior come

out. Like, my goodness. Like, when I saw

Lauren going through that, I was like,

my job right now is to protect the room, hold the space,

be as helpful as I can. And my jaw just

dropped. I saw a part of her that I didn't even imagine. And maybe,

maybe, I don't know, I haven't talked to her about this, but maybe she didn't

even know, you know, that initiatory experience, that part of her was in her. Maybe

she did, but I was like, wow. So what you're saying about getting to see

Mallory step into this and go through this phase and to be there alongside

her. How beautiful, man. Yeah. And for

you guys, y' all did a home birth as well. So we were planning

on doing birth center. We had some complications

and so we ended up having to go right to the hospital and thankfully everything

was okay. Well, you're glad to hear that. And once,

once your boy came out, like, how. What was that

moment like for you? Oh, dude, you

know, because we had some complications. One of the things that

she had lost a lot of blood. So right after, I don't recall what they

had to put her on. But like Lauren's has. Her

system's quite sensitive to stuff, so they had to give her some medications

and, I don't know, blood clotters or whatever it was. And

so soon after she was having a slight

reaction to the drugs or the medicine. And so she was,

you know, we had a doula there with us. So thankfully she was there with

Lauren as Lauren was going through a process. So right

after, you know, it was me and Luca. So I think for about an hour

it was me and him, skin to skin. Wow. So, you know, obviously it

was. Was hard to watch, you know, Lauren do that. And also

very grateful too that I got to be there with him in that.

But I'll always say, like, most important decision I've ever made in my life,

marrying Lauren. Best day of my life, that,

that birth. And so going back to what we said earlier, it

unlocked a part of me that I had no idea what was there when

he came out. It was fucking that warrior,

that protecting of the space, the room, man. And

again, just witnessing Lauren go through that, she did the whole birth blindfolded.

Yeah, I mean the hospital room. And so she, we had a

bit of time to go meet back to the house to get our stuff. And

she told me before leaving, she's like, grab the eye mask. And

I was like, grab the eye mask. I was like, okay. So I grab all

the stuff, I hustle back to the hospital and put it on. And in that

space with all the lights and the noises and all of that, she

was in this, not trance, but in

a vibration, frequency, whatever. So she was locked in.

And so, I mean, just holding my boy,

going skin to skin. Just overwhelming what you said,

source, God, whatever you want to say. I was like, oh

my God, this is my boy in his hands. And just

the features of him being so miniature and

small, I mean, just profound. And being able to

go skin to skin with him. I'll tell you a funny story. So

my sister in law told me this, that I don't know

and it's amazing that she did. She had said something like, if you go to

the hospital, this was months before, she's like, they're going to

want to cut the umbilical cord right away. And so she said

if it's. I don't know how true this is, but it worked for us. She

says if it's for religious reasons or something like that,

they'll hold off. So I remember when the doctor was like, okay,

dad, like it's almost ready. I was gonna catch the baby. And

so I told her, I pulled her aside, and I was like, doc, you know,

I forget what I said, but based off of my religion, I really need to

pray over the. You know, over the baby

before you cut the cord. Like, this is really important. And she's like,

okay. So then when Luke came out, grabbed him,

put him on Lord's chest. Oh, no, I'm sorry. This was. Yeah, this was

right when I put him on her chest. And then literally, I

hurled. Not hurled, but, like, got right on top of her in a prayer position.

And I would say I'm spiritual. I'm not religious by any means. And literally,

I just stayed there as long as I could, just saying, I love you. I

love you, I love you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And the doctor's like,

we. We gotta move this on. I'm like, I'm not done, basically. And

I stayed there for minutes on end. That's great. But

that taking a stand and doing what's needed

or what I feel was needed and important to me and protecting us and the

way that we wanted to have happen amidst, you know, the change of plans.

Thank you for asking that, man. That. Just when I go back to that moment,

it's. Yeah. Best day of my life, man.

Yeah. Hey, that is so cool. Yeah.

Yeah. And it's hard to think of, like, what could be a better day

than, like, you're meeting your child

face to face. Like, I don't think it's possible

for there to be a better day than that. Yeah.

Love it, bro. One thing, you know,

departure, transition. But one thing I wanted to ask you is

with the pace of life that you're operating at, and I know things are

slowing down, but with the responsibilities, the pace. Except your. Your own

ambitions to create things and make an impact in the world, One

of the things that I've seen you is, like, God damn, bro, you look good.

Like, solid. Like. Yeah, like, strong and solid.

So how have you found, you know, what does your training

look like today? If you could share briefly, like, how have you found to prioritize

your own physical health amiss, being a father and

a working professional? Yeah. You know, in one, I'll

say for me, working out, like, the body shows the results,

but the. The most important results for

me are mental health. Like, stress relief. Just.

It's the best thing I do for mental health and

optimizing my mind. But yet the. The workouts

first, I. I set it up so it's easy to be

consistent, which for me means having a home gym out in the garage.

I don't have to take extra time to drive somewhere.

Therefore there's less room for excuses or

things to even legitimate things to interfere. So

there's no drive time. There's about 20 seconds of walk to the garage

time. And then the workouts, they're

usually between four and six days a week.

And I'll let my recovery both how I

feel and as recovery is

monitored by my whoop, I'll, I'll pay attention to that. But

based on the intensity of the workouts and the recovery,

I'll go four to six days a week. Sometimes it's hard for me to

take rest days because it's like in a good flow. I always feel better

after working out and it's a win. So I, I don't like to take

rest days, but I've learned I need to be smart.

And then the workouts, they're, they're like, I'll change things up. I'll

go through phases of being a little

bit more crossfit ish structured where they're more

metabolic. There's a circuit of things that,

you know, you're gasping for air, you're filled with lactic

acid, kind of feels like you're dying. Like it's really tough

and uncomfortable doing a lot of those. And then

cycle through. Like now I'm doing like a heavier phase

with more barbells, just kind of like

prime lifting movements. I'd

say 80% of it is relatively functional. I'll still

do bench press type things just for aesthetics.

So strength phases, hypertrophy phases, kind of

metabolic, just building the gas tank phases,

keeping myself mentally stimulated because I'll get bored during doing

a certain workout, but also realizing like I, I like to

like not get gassed out if I'm out playing pickleball with friends. And

I also like to feel strong and be

capable to do anything I need to do.

So my workouts are typically an hour or so

four to six days a week in my garage. And I know that's like

not very nuanced, but a high level perspective.

Yeah, that's, that's what I'm, I mean. Kicking the, the

garage gym is such an asset. Like, and especially the, you know

what I mean? A kettlebell is its own gym, barbell's its own gym, a

dumbbell's its own gym if you know how to use it, you know, just a

weight vest is its own gym. So, you know, getting creative

and training and making it accessible. Super huge.

What was Your decision to go on trt, I know that's something that you

did. Like what was that decision like for you? Yeah, it was about

six years ago. I was consulting with a very

well respected longevity doctor here in Austin, just

wanting to optimize my health. And in longevity I didn't have

any pain points. I was looking at overcome. It's like I feel

good. My nutrition lifestyle is

dialed pretty dialed, not perfect, but like I've kind

of squeezed all the juice out of that without being

obsessive compulsive. So cool. Saw

him, his name's Dr. Dan Stickler. He's fantastic.

So he did, first time I had it done in a long time. Full

blood workup. And of course one of the markers he's looking at is

testosterone. And he, he said,

yours is like 3:50. I'd recommend we do weekly

testosterone injections. I said, well what do you mean like 350?

Like that's in the normal range of 300 to

900. He said, and here's what really got

my mind open to it because previously I had sort

of put like that's taboo, right? Just

being relatively dogmatically

holistic, like you know, you just use food and you know,

supplements. But what he shared with me is yeah, you're

normal. Just so you know, normal is based on

a very sick, diseased population. So you

are normal. Relative to look at the disease

statistics of the average population in the US you're normal to that.

And he gave me the distinction, normal isn't optimal. You're at the

low end of the normal range. Here's what's optimal.

So you know, and I, I, he's a very well respected

doctor. So I really looked at it, did my research and

like, all right, cool, let's, let's go for this,

Let me try it. And my results were

really great. Like the three

things I noticed and keep in mind, I didn't have pain

points. It's like I feel good. So the fact that I noticed these things

said a lot. One was just energy, just energy

and drive to get after my day, whatever I'm doing.

Second was self confidence, which really blew me away.

And recently I saw a study that shows like people with optimized

men with optimized testosterone levels, there's markers of

social behavior they'll look for which show when your

testosterone levels are optimized, you have more self

confidence, you do less people pleasing, less betraying

of yourself, you have more self confidence. So I really

felt that. And then the third was over the course of

like the first six months of being, at the

time I was on, I think 100 milligrams

a week, 200 would be the max for a

TRT dose. So I was just medium to low dosage.

Yet after six months, I put on 20 pounds of muscle. Whoa.

And that, like, that's not why I was doing it, but it's like, well,

I can't ignore that. I noticed that and

I enjoy that. But yeah, so that's

what I started six years ago and I've modified

the protocol since. Now I'm working with a wonderful

company called Bolt Health. They do what's called

microdosing testosterone. So instead of

doing one injection a week, which really doesn't

make sense relative to our normal biorhythms of

testosterone release, where usually in the morning, your test,

your testicles will release a pulse of testosterone.

Not once a week, your, your te, your testicles

release. Here's your weekly testosterone. So we,

we tried it with Molt. They mimic the body's

biorhythms to just make it more compatible, more

bioavailable, and just much more of a natural experience.

So with doing that, I'm on a fair bit of a lower dose of

about 70 milligrams a week with the same results,

my blood levels staying the same, which I,

I like to do minimum, minimum effective dose

of whatever I'm doing, especially

injecting something into my body. So for me it's been a game

changer and, and I've become a big fan

of like when I'm talking to men about being a real

man, you can't ignore your testosterone. It

is the, the masculine hormone that gives you

your drive to express your manhood.

And I don't care how a guy optimizes his levels,

whether you can do it through lifestyle modifications, nutrition,

which if someone's coming from living like a normal American, you're going to have a

lot of potential to improve your levels when you're

optimizing your nutrition, lifestyle, exercise, sleep.

If guys are relatively dialed there, I mean, there's, there's different

supplements you can take, like Tonkot Ali, which

some people will get some improvement, some people will get a

lot, some people not so much, or if you're injecting

testosterone. So I don't really care how a guy does it, but knowing

where your testosterone levels are at and looking to get them in the

optimal range, which my interpretation is between

900 and 1100, that's where I

feel the most fully as a man,

with a disclaimer, more is not Better.

Low testosterone levels are absolutely

correlated with so much disease.

Shorter, long, you know, all cause mortality. You show up

weaker in life. So more isn't better. Because

you look at pro bodybuilders, the. They can be doing upwards of

2,500 milligrams a week. And that is

going to shorten your lifespan objectively. So, so

we're like, we're not looking to be too high, we're not looking to be too

low, but to be a fully functional, healthy man, set up

for longevity, quality of life and effectiveness in your life,

optimal is what to shoot for.

So, yeah, I've learned to really value

knowing what my T levels are and

optimizing them in a way that works for me. I mean, one of the things

that's so interesting to hear from you because one of the things that. Just to

anchor in, and this is something that I really do believe, it's.

It's not necessarily where most men should start. Right. Like

you, I mean, since I've known you and well before, you've paid so much

attention to the foundations of your sleep, your

nutrition, all of that stuff. And so I think

by and large, speaking for my observation of men

as a whole, like getting their house in order, just

the foundation and then once you've lived that, I mean,

I don't even say like at least six months, but ideally one, two

years consistently, then, you know, if

that's something that you want to do, you know, explore that. But getting tested,

love that. Living just a solid, healthy life

and then seeing, you know, if something's needed.

Yeah, I, I couldn't agree more. In fact, being.

Being someone who has had extremely positive

results with being on supplemented

testosterone, I will actively tell guys,

do not look into TRT

until your exercise, your nutrition and your sleep doesn't have

to be perfect, but you gotta get that addressed.

Yeah. Like, otherwise, worst thing that could happen

is you. Your house is out of order. You start

taking testosterone and you feel better. So

you don't have motivation to ever get your house in order. So you're

building your life on just a. Out of

sticks and straws and the wind's gonna blow you

down. Right. Right. Yeah, I feel that,

brother. Well, J.P. man, this has been an

amazing, amazing time dropping in with you. I so appreciate you making

time to connect having me in your home. You know, as we bring this to

conclusion for the men out there, whether they're fathers or not,

is there anything in light of the conversation we have that you

want to either hit home or reiterate to, to Close us out,

man. Yeah, I would just

say be around

other good men in person

and get, you know, find good men on. On

podcasts and things like that for your supplemental

learning. Get around good men

because iron does sharpen iron. You got to do that in,

in person. And if it's also

common for guys to look around and say, I, I

have men in my life I like, but they're not

like, a good man who's

just, like, got wholeness. He's not perfect, but, like,

he's not trying to become a whole man. Go to

where whole men are. They're not in bars, they're not watching

football on the weekends, all day. So

find places where good men are and

get around them, spend time. And then lastly, I

would just say a good man, he doesn't

ask, what do I want, what's best for me.

He asks for what's best for my family.

And if, if someone doesn't have, If

a man doesn't have a family yet still ask yourself that

question. The choices I do, I make today,

what will be the best thing once I do have

a wife, once I do have kids? Because we're building our legacy.

You're building your house right now. It's your

life, your lifestyle, what you stand for.

So it is still an extremely relevant question.

Like, for example, a guy who's like, yeah, yeah, I'll go out and get

hammered a couple days a week. That's okay. I'm single.

You can absolutely do that. That's your right. However, you're going to

be less effective at work. You're going to be less motivated

to take risks in life, which might lead to

really important things. And therefore, you are

robbing your future family of a better life

based on the, you know, I'll go get hammered rather than,

I'll get a good night of sleep today and wake up with

more motivation tomorrow. To me, that's

a relevant question. Not what's best for me, what do I want, but

what's best for my family? Hell yeah, jp.

Amen, brother. Dude, thank you. Absolutely. Thank you for having me on,

brother. Love this man. Appreciate you.