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Gift biz unwrapped episode 176 let me say it in the

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most helpful way.

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Stop it.

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Attention gifters,

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bakers, crafters,

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and makers pursuing your dream can be fun.

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Whether you have an established business or looking to start one

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now you are in the right place.

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This is give to biz unwrapped,

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helping you turn your skill into a flourishing business.

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Join us for an episode packed full of invaluable guidance,

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resources, and the support you need to grow your gift biz.

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Here is your host gift biz gal,

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Sue moon Heights.

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Hi there,

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it's too,

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and you Thank you for spending a little bit of your

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time with me today.

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Once you've listened to the show,

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if you want to make sure that you catch every episode,

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go over on Apple podcasts and click that little subscribe button.

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That way every time an episode is released,

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it'll automatically come down to your phone or your computer,

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wherever you like to listen to the show.

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Also for my Android listeners,

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I want to make sure that you are aware of the

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new Google podcast app,

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a fabulous new edition so that you can listen to your

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podcast effectively there too.

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Additionally, if you'd like,

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even more gift biz motivation.

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I want to make sure that you're familiar with our private

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Facebook group called gift biz breeze.

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You know,

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pursuing your business should be fun,

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exciting, rewarding,

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energizing, but as you start getting into the thick of things,

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it can become really stressful and downright scary when you joined

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the breeze.

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It's like sitting in the park with friends who bring you

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all the support and the answers that you need and that

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you've been looking for.

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The group that's come together in the breeze is an amazing

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collection of creators and you get to know each of them

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and mingle with them and talk with them and we all

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share together the growth of our business.

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One of my favorite things that we do there is one

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day a week everyone can post what they're working on.

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It could be a new product they're creating.

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It could be a seasonal product that really is flying off

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the shelves.

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I can't tell you how beautiful and creative and original and

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unique so many of these products are.

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It is so fun to see and it gives all of

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us other ideas not to copy,

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but for inspiration of what we can do and apply to

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our own businesses.

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To join the breeze,

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just go over to gift biz breeze.com

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and now it's time to get onto the show.

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Oh, gift biz listeners,

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you are in for such a treat today.

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It is my pleasure to introduce you to Susan Rowan.

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Susan is the author of the bestseller,

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how to work a room.

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I'm quite sure many of you have already read it.

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The book has sold over 1.2

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million copies in 14 countries.

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She has also authored the secrets of savvy networking,

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which is also a best seller.

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Susan is an in demand international keynote speaker who has shared

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her message of connection and communication with audiences worldwide.

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She was quoted by sir Richard Branson as number six in

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his 10 quotes to make things happen.

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Her clients include Coca-Cola,

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the U S air force and Apple computer to name a

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few, but her personal favorite is Hershey chocolate.

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Mine too.

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Please join me in welcoming my guest keynote speaker,

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bestselling author and the mingling Maven,

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Susan Rowan.

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Susan, welcome to the gift biz unrepped podcast.

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Oh well thank you for having me.

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I'm looking forward to this.

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I am so excited and we're just going to kick it

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off by telling everybody how we got connected.

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It's so crazy.

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And I usually say let's do the candle first,

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but let's just do that story first.

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Do you want to take it away or should I,

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you do the start of it cause you have the beginning.

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Okay. Let me just preface this by saying the world is

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our oyster and yet never know my biggest marketing for any

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business, any craft,

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anything you're doing is keep your antenna up because you never

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know. Take it away,

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Sue. Yeah,

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you just never know.

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So give biz listeners,

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you might have even seen my Instagram story of,

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Oh I think it's been a month ago now.

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We had a local fine art craft fair right in our

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community. And I said,

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it's a perfect time to do demonstrations of good booth,

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set up,

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booth interaction,

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et cetera.

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So it's a Sunday and I'm here for business,

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right? I'm not just personal looking at crafts,

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although it was super fun and I'm just walking through the

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booths and I meet up with one of my friends,

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Cheryl, and she was making reference to the fact that my

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book just came out.

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And so we were talking,

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one thing led to another and she said,

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well, you know who my college roommate was?

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And I'm like,

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well, like that's random.

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No, I supposed to know Cheryl,

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who your college roommate was.

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And lo and behold,

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it's Susan,

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the author of how to work a room.

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And I looked at Cheryl with bug eyes and I'm like,

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no way,

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no way.

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And she's like,

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sure. And I bet she'd even beyond your podcast and Susan,

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look what's happening right now.

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Here you are.

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And it was great.

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Cheryl sent me an email,

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said, Oh,

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one of my friends has a podcast and I couldn't speak

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for you.

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And here's what Cheryl did that was really interesting and this

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is the who have savvy.

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She came to me first and said,

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would you like to be on the podcast?

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She didn't make an assumption.

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Right? She did not make an assumption.

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She did.

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What Seth Goden talks about is get permission to give my

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contact information.

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First of all,

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she didn't have to go,

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are you kidding?

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Of course I do.

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But the reality is so often people talk about referrals and

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this and that and the other and they forget to say,

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does this work for you?

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Is it okay?

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And she did that.

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It's not even all about being smart and savvy and business.

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She's thoughtful.

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It's respectful to,

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exactly. Yeah.

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If you're going to connect two people together,

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you want to know that they want to be connected.

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Exactly. And then the rest is history.

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So the lesson is let everyone who you know,

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even your college roommate know what you're doing,

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what you're interested in.

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Let people know even in a non pushy way.

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Hey, if you hear of anything you think I'd be interested

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in, let me know.

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Keep your antenna up and not just for ourselves,

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because you might bump into someone who says,

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you know,

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I'm looking for someone who can custom make me a batch

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of cookies,

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can custom make me something that I want for my clients.

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And that might not be your specialty,

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but you have a friend and someone you might have even

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met through this podcast and say,

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you know what?

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I think I am the person for you.

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So I think having our antenna up but not just for

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ourselves is what really makes people feel not only that we're

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good networkers,

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that they want to know us.

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Exactly and that we have other people in mind.

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We're not just there for our own personal gain.

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Absolutely. It's too self grandizing to always be about ourself.

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And if you never recommend other people,

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why on earth should anyone recommend you?

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Oh, that is good name from a conversation I had last

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night with a fellow speakers as well.

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I don't like to recommend people.

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What if they do a bad job?

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I said,

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if you're going to recommend someone to a speech,

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they're going to bust their tushes to make sure they do

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a good job.

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Absolutely. But he can't talk about getting referrals.

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He won't give them.

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Well, you know what?

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That doesn't speak well of you.

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You missed the boat.

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That's right.

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There's a lot about mindset there,

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which I know we're going to get into,

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but I'm going to take this from the top again and

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Susan, it's a little bit different for you maybe,

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but I like to start off our shows by having you

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describe yourself as a motivational candle because it gives our audience

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a little bit of a different way to understand what you're

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about. So if you were to give me a color and

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a quote,

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and maybe you're going to use this new one,

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I don't know,

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but on a candle that really speaks you,

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what would your motivational candle look like?

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Well, my motivational candle would be dripless because when I read

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the notes,

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I go,

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yeah, it's gotta be dripless.

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Do you know what it's like to get wax off your

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coffee table?

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It's awful.

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So it would be dripless and I think that's a great

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plan where it's,

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I don't want to be considered a drip.

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There you go.

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So number one in the scent,

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to me it would have to have a scent.

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It can't just eliminate and glow to me there has to

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be a fragrance so that it's multi-sensory.

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And the fragrance would be something in the orange blossom to

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pumpkin to vanilla.

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Oh Bert lavender.

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I can't stand lavender.

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And what the glow would be in it.

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It would start like a little yellow and then it would

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go kind of a hot pink,

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orange and red.

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Oh, I can see it.

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Yes. When I started speaking,

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and I still often do this,

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I said to my speech coach,

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I'm four 11 and some of my audiences,

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there are 500 to 600 people in a room.

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They can't see me even on stage.

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I think I need to wear red.

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And I want to be known as the woman in red,

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which by the way was a movie with gene Wilder,

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Richard Pryor.

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And she said,

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cause she worked mostly in banking.

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She said to me,

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you know,

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Susan red can be an incendiary color and it could actually

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turn your audiences off if it's too bright.

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And I'm going to say this to our audience today.

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I listened to her for about a week and then it

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was like I heard my grandmother's voice on my left shoulder

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and I finally said to my speech coach,

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they are hiring me to learn how to be like me,

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not me.

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To be like them.

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Oh yeah.

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And I'm four 11 back in the day,

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nobody wore red.

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And I needed people to see me,

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literally physically see me so that I didn't disappear and I

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became the woman in red.

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I wore red suits for every speech and I often still

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do. But now that I'm at a certain point of my

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00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:11,520
life, and especially if I'm in a weather belt that's way

270
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,350
too hot for my redness suits,

271
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:14,730
I do different colors,

272
00:11:15,010 --> 00:11:16,180
but that red,

273
00:11:16,180 --> 00:11:19,450
so turning to red was really important,

274
00:11:19,750 --> 00:11:20,770
but I love orange.

275
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:22,120
Orange is my favorite color,

276
00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:23,350
so it has to be yellow,

277
00:11:23,530 --> 00:11:24,700
orange, shocking pink,

278
00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:26,020
red, which by the way,

279
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:27,910
if you have a cataract like mine,

280
00:11:27,940 --> 00:11:30,040
you can't tell the difference in any of those colors.

281
00:11:30,070 --> 00:11:30,940
They all say,

282
00:11:31,660 --> 00:11:36,490
well, they're all hot colors and that's really very reflective.

283
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:38,890
Am I motivational saying?

284
00:11:38,950 --> 00:11:41,890
Well, it's really so many of the things that I heard

285
00:11:41,890 --> 00:11:42,490
growing up,

286
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:43,990
but that one that I said,

287
00:11:44,170 --> 00:11:45,520
you never know.

288
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,670
You can't assume anything about anyone.

289
00:11:48,940 --> 00:11:52,060
That's why we believe in serendipity and meant to be.

290
00:11:52,060 --> 00:11:53,590
And coincidence land.

291
00:11:53,590 --> 00:11:55,690
Yep. You never know.

292
00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:57,560
You never know.

293
00:11:57,650 --> 00:12:00,440
But I'll tell you one thing we do know is if

294
00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,140
we stay in our house and don't move and don't get

295
00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:04,640
out and don't do anything,

296
00:12:04,850 --> 00:12:06,530
you know that nothing's going to happen.

297
00:12:07,050 --> 00:12:08,640
Oh, I'm so glad you said that.

298
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:11,130
So let me give you my mother's version and I can

299
00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:14,640
still see her sitting at the kitchen table and chase Avenue

300
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,560
in Chicago saying to me,

301
00:12:16,980 --> 00:12:19,080
you never meet anyone sitting at home.

302
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,400
That is the truth.

303
00:12:20,430 --> 00:12:22,110
Now, the truth is because of the internet,

304
00:12:22,110 --> 00:12:23,280
we can meet a lot of people,

305
00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:24,720
but they're not who they said they are.

306
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:26,190
Oh, that's true.

307
00:12:26,550 --> 00:12:29,880
And the encouragement behind how to work room and everything I've

308
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,430
done is go out among people.

309
00:12:32,700 --> 00:12:36,150
There is so much you can learn face to face that

310
00:12:36,150 --> 00:12:39,930
you will never learn online through an email,

311
00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:42,090
through a text exchange,

312
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:46,050
through an Instagram story because it's a push out.

313
00:12:46,110 --> 00:12:48,270
It's not an interaction.

314
00:12:48,780 --> 00:12:51,960
Right. And I think all the subtle facial changes,

315
00:12:52,050 --> 00:12:53,430
tone of voice even.

316
00:12:53,580 --> 00:12:57,420
Yes. And just being next to somebody face to face and

317
00:12:57,420 --> 00:13:01,050
talking and interacting back and forth is a whole different dynamic.

318
00:13:01,050 --> 00:13:01,320
I mean,

319
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:03,690
I'm not going to say that online isn't worth it.

320
00:13:03,690 --> 00:13:05,370
There's opportunities online,

321
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:06,350
but it's not.

322
00:13:06,350 --> 00:13:08,450
Instead of it's an addition to,

323
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,190
That's exactly when I wrote,

324
00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:14,130
I think I wrote that in my most recent book.

325
00:13:14,420 --> 00:13:16,370
It's not an either or.

326
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:19,450
It's a both and All right then,

327
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:21,940
well, we're going to get into a lot of details and

328
00:13:21,940 --> 00:13:24,010
specifics because gift biz listeners,

329
00:13:24,010 --> 00:13:27,490
Susan and I in the beginning before we actually hit play,

330
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,740
talked about the fact that we're going to have some solid

331
00:13:29,740 --> 00:13:31,210
takeaways for you here.

332
00:13:31,490 --> 00:13:34,580
But first there's a question that I've really been interested in

333
00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:35,930
finding out from you Susan,

334
00:13:35,930 --> 00:13:39,590
and that is how did you dive into just the thought

335
00:13:39,620 --> 00:13:43,220
of networking and that concept being such a driving force in

336
00:13:43,220 --> 00:13:43,820
your life?

337
00:13:44,030 --> 00:13:44,990
How did that start?

338
00:13:45,610 --> 00:13:47,290
Well, it's interesting.

339
00:13:47,290 --> 00:13:49,270
It started with what my mother told me.

340
00:13:49,750 --> 00:13:51,580
So she made you get out of the house.

341
00:13:51,910 --> 00:13:53,470
Yeah. Well the other thing is,

342
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,730
and people often ask me,

343
00:13:54,730 --> 00:13:56,280
how did you learn how to work a room?

344
00:13:56,570 --> 00:13:58,550
The first time I was asked that I was like,

345
00:13:58,580 --> 00:14:00,800
what I learned and I said,

346
00:14:00,950 --> 00:14:02,780
Oh, it's because my mother said,

347
00:14:03,170 --> 00:14:05,180
Oh, we're having a family gathering.

348
00:14:05,180 --> 00:14:06,890
My family's in from Canada.

349
00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:07,980
Uh, mate,

350
00:14:08,190 --> 00:14:10,560
go and talk to them and make sure they don't talk

351
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:11,460
to so and so.

352
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,710
That was a big job for a 12 year old,

353
00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:16,320
but the expectation was,

354
00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:17,640
and it's very,

355
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,440
I think more common for women,

356
00:14:19,530 --> 00:14:22,530
that we are the ultimate hosts.

357
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:24,550
We gather people,

358
00:14:24,550 --> 00:14:26,380
we welcome people,

359
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:29,050
we make people feel comfortable,

360
00:14:29,340 --> 00:14:32,460
and I think that serves us well.

361
00:14:32,750 --> 00:14:36,170
So I grew up in Chicago and there was so much

362
00:14:36,170 --> 00:14:38,990
of the Chicago lessons of what to do,

363
00:14:38,990 --> 00:14:41,390
not to do that have a little more,

364
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:42,050
shall we say,

365
00:14:42,110 --> 00:14:43,370
shady history,

366
00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:45,870
but I've learned my lessons well,

367
00:14:46,310 --> 00:14:48,320
but putting people together,

368
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:49,190
I don't.

369
00:14:49,190 --> 00:14:50,990
Paul that connecting.

370
00:14:51,510 --> 00:14:51,870
I mean,

371
00:14:51,870 --> 00:14:54,300
I love Malcolm Gladwell and I love that he came up

372
00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:54,870
with the words,

373
00:14:54,870 --> 00:14:57,510
but I call it the old fashioned word matchmaking.

374
00:14:57,660 --> 00:14:59,700
So when you know people should meet,

375
00:15:00,180 --> 00:15:02,220
why wouldn't you introduce them?

376
00:15:02,580 --> 00:15:05,940
If you know someone that needs a graphic artist,

377
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,820
why wouldn't you introduce them to your neighbor who has a

378
00:15:08,820 --> 00:15:10,320
son who's a graphic artist?

379
00:15:10,950 --> 00:15:13,480
Absolutely. This is how I live my life.

380
00:15:13,510 --> 00:15:16,670
How it got started is I started my business.

381
00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:19,130
I would go to events and one event,

382
00:15:19,190 --> 00:15:21,530
I was the featured person,

383
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:25,550
but the microphone system was broken at the st Francis hotel

384
00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:29,720
in San Francisco and I was so upset.

385
00:15:29,990 --> 00:15:32,510
So I thought the only thing I can do is make

386
00:15:32,510 --> 00:15:35,120
sure I go over and meet people,

387
00:15:35,150 --> 00:15:36,260
extend myself,

388
00:15:36,260 --> 00:15:37,310
shake their hands.

389
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:40,520
And one guy watched me and he said he was a

390
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,890
political handler and he said,

391
00:15:42,950 --> 00:15:45,980
Susan, if you ever want to run for office,

392
00:15:46,220 --> 00:15:48,920
I want to be your chairperson.

393
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:49,370
He said,

394
00:15:49,370 --> 00:15:52,520
because you know how to do something that most people don't.

395
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,350
You know how to work a room.

396
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,980
And I was working on the book and that's the title.

397
00:15:58,370 --> 00:15:59,600
Oh, that's how it came about.

398
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:00,290
The title came,

399
00:16:00,670 --> 00:16:04,150
that's how the title came because I was giving a talk

400
00:16:04,150 --> 00:16:07,990
using the word networking and a woman who hired me said,

401
00:16:07,990 --> 00:16:13,540
Susan, our group is mostly men and they think networking is

402
00:16:13,750 --> 00:16:15,070
very gender biased.

403
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,180
They won't listen to you.

404
00:16:16,180 --> 00:16:20,050
You got to come up with a male appropriate title.

405
00:16:20,350 --> 00:16:21,760
He said that to me.

406
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:25,580
We titled that my talk and that's the title that went,

407
00:16:25,670 --> 00:16:26,750
um, the book.

408
00:16:27,090 --> 00:16:30,390
And just to say to our audiences how to work room

409
00:16:30,510 --> 00:16:34,680
is a totally different book than the secrets of savvy networking.

410
00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:36,210
There's no repetition.

411
00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:37,990
They're not the same skill.

412
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,450
People use networking as an umbrella,

413
00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:43,680
but it's actually an accurate because knowing how to work room

414
00:16:43,860 --> 00:16:45,390
is a social skill.

415
00:16:45,770 --> 00:16:48,590
It's the circulating in a room.

416
00:16:48,650 --> 00:16:50,210
It's socializing.

417
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:55,620
Networking is really the followup where we do what we need

418
00:16:55,620 --> 00:16:57,930
to do to make sure we stay in touch,

419
00:16:58,020 --> 00:16:59,220
connect, et cetera.

420
00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:01,650
That's the followup behavior together.

421
00:17:01,890 --> 00:17:02,970
It's dynamite,

422
00:17:03,330 --> 00:17:04,890
so you use them in tandem.

423
00:17:05,340 --> 00:17:06,510
I use them in tandem.

424
00:17:06,510 --> 00:17:07,140
I never,

425
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,430
ever, when people say,

426
00:17:08,430 --> 00:17:10,380
well, I'm going to network tonight,

427
00:17:10,540 --> 00:17:11,410
I look at them and go,

428
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:12,280
well, first of all,

429
00:17:12,460 --> 00:17:13,150
grammar school,

430
00:17:13,150 --> 00:17:15,070
teacher of grammar said,

431
00:17:15,610 --> 00:17:16,300
that's wrong.

432
00:17:16,690 --> 00:17:18,400
Well, I'm going to an event.

433
00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:19,810
I'm going to have a good time.

434
00:17:19,810 --> 00:17:21,220
I'm going to socialize.

435
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:22,730
I'm going to circulate.

436
00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:24,100
That's not networking.

437
00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:27,200
Networking is actually the follow up is so to me it's,

438
00:17:27,260 --> 00:17:28,700
some people think it's picky,

439
00:17:28,700 --> 00:17:30,110
but it's two different skills.

440
00:17:30,380 --> 00:17:31,520
I wrote two different books,

441
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:32,180
but more than that,

442
00:17:32,180 --> 00:17:33,260
there are people,

443
00:17:33,350 --> 00:17:37,850
Sue, that really are great at working a room and socializing.

444
00:17:38,420 --> 00:17:40,100
You'd want them at any party,

445
00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:41,660
but they have no followups.

446
00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:43,200
So they're crappy networkers.

447
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,390
And then there are people who are wonderful networkers.

448
00:17:46,390 --> 00:17:47,230
They follow up,

449
00:17:47,290 --> 00:17:49,000
they send you what they said they'd send,

450
00:17:49,370 --> 00:17:50,600
they get in touch with you,

451
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,040
they introduce you to people.

452
00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:55,780
And yet the thought of walking into a room full of

453
00:17:55,780 --> 00:18:01,960
people terrorizes them two different skills with 90% of us self

454
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:06,400
identifying as shy and maybe 40% saying that they're introverts.

455
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:10,050
We really need both skills to build,

456
00:18:10,140 --> 00:18:12,750
manage, and create our businesses.

457
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:17,340
Absolutely. Let's get into some of the specifics.

458
00:18:17,340 --> 00:18:20,460
So some of our listeners who might never have gone to

459
00:18:20,460 --> 00:18:21,780
a networking,

460
00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:23,840
well, I'm not even going to call it that now because

461
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:24,920
you've just taught me differently,

462
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,690
right? Well that's what they call it,

463
00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:27,200
but you know,

464
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:28,100
you're not networking,

465
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:30,860
you're using the social skills your parents taught you.

466
00:18:31,150 --> 00:18:31,780
Right. Okay,

467
00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:35,320
so you're going to an event and let's say it's a

468
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:36,130
structured event,

469
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:38,140
so it's not a dinner party at your friend's house,

470
00:18:38,140 --> 00:18:42,100
but it's a chamber of commerce meeting or BNI meeting or

471
00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:46,560
something like that where the intent is people fully know that

472
00:18:46,830 --> 00:18:48,720
it's mostly business owners who are there.

473
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:51,960
Maybe there's some people who are looking to start a business,

474
00:18:52,270 --> 00:18:54,970
but what do you say to those people who are like,

475
00:18:55,030 --> 00:18:56,170
I'm not doing that.

476
00:18:56,170 --> 00:18:57,430
It's too scary.

477
00:18:57,460 --> 00:18:58,420
To your point,

478
00:18:58,630 --> 00:18:59,620
I'm going to walk in.

479
00:18:59,620 --> 00:19:02,260
I'm not going to know anybody there and no,

480
00:19:02,260 --> 00:19:03,040
I'm not doing it.

481
00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:04,960
How do you get someone over that hump?

482
00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:06,050
How about this?

483
00:19:06,110 --> 00:19:09,980
Let me say it in the most helpful way.

484
00:19:10,610 --> 00:19:11,480
Stop it.

485
00:19:13,910 --> 00:19:14,810
First of all,

486
00:19:14,930 --> 00:19:17,420
there is a saying you can build a better mouse trap

487
00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:18,740
if no one knows about it.

488
00:19:19,310 --> 00:19:20,000
So what,

489
00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:22,150
and I'm going to say it in a kinder way,

490
00:19:22,420 --> 00:19:25,570
when I just said about 90 according to the research at

491
00:19:25,570 --> 00:19:27,100
the Stanford shyness clinic,

492
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:29,680
about 90% of us self-identify as shy.

493
00:19:29,940 --> 00:19:32,400
You're not the only one that feels that way.

494
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,350
You walk into a BNI meeting,

495
00:19:34,380 --> 00:19:36,690
a chamber of commerce reception,

496
00:19:36,910 --> 00:19:39,520
you know your own professional association.

497
00:19:39,870 --> 00:19:43,630
Maybe it's even a fundraiser for the leukemia and lymphoma society.

498
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,060
We don't know people.

499
00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:47,610
So I'm going to give you a couple things that I've

500
00:19:47,610 --> 00:19:48,630
learned along the way.

501
00:19:48,870 --> 00:19:49,740
Number one,

502
00:19:49,950 --> 00:19:52,470
when I was doing a radio interview on MPR,

503
00:19:52,470 --> 00:19:54,690
a gentleman called in from Michigan and said,

504
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:55,540
you know,

505
00:19:55,630 --> 00:19:58,600
this is what we used to say when we went into

506
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,520
town for a dance.

507
00:20:00,790 --> 00:20:02,890
And I want you all to remember it and write this

508
00:20:02,890 --> 00:20:06,200
down. The roof is the introduction.

509
00:20:06,530 --> 00:20:08,060
If you're under the same roof,

510
00:20:08,090 --> 00:20:09,770
you already have something in common,

511
00:20:10,060 --> 00:20:11,620
you support that charity.

512
00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:13,290
You're in BNI,

513
00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:17,750
you're a chamber member or looking to be there is already

514
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:18,470
something common.

515
00:20:18,470 --> 00:20:19,010
And by the way,

516
00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:20,510
the room could have no roof.

517
00:20:20,570 --> 00:20:22,160
I mean it could be Wrigley field,

518
00:20:22,190 --> 00:20:24,740
it could be a football stadium,

519
00:20:24,740 --> 00:20:26,000
a soccer stadium,

520
00:20:26,410 --> 00:20:29,680
it could be the outdoor field where your son or daughter

521
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,500
is playing soccer and the other parents are there.

522
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:35,460
So the concept is there doesn't have to be a physical

523
00:20:35,460 --> 00:20:39,580
roof. But if we go everywhere and before we go there,

524
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,470
spend two minutes thinking,

525
00:20:41,500 --> 00:20:44,300
what do I have in common with the people there you

526
00:20:44,300 --> 00:20:46,730
will be more prepared and you will find you're more.

527
00:20:47,810 --> 00:20:48,710
Okay, perfect.

528
00:20:48,710 --> 00:20:50,630
So the roof is the introduction.

529
00:20:50,690 --> 00:20:53,510
Everyone's coming together for some common reason.

530
00:20:53,630 --> 00:20:54,170
That's right.

531
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:58,460
Now the other part is the people that walk around saying,

532
00:20:58,460 --> 00:21:01,460
and we've been seeing a lot of this in many articles.

533
00:21:01,580 --> 00:21:03,050
I hate networking.

534
00:21:03,860 --> 00:21:04,970
Stop it.

535
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:07,020
Here's what I've tweeted out.

536
00:21:07,020 --> 00:21:09,340
Yeah. Nobody has said,

537
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:10,960
I hate networking.

538
00:21:11,140 --> 00:21:17,050
Who doesn't love getting a recommendation or referral a lead?

539
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,200
So if you like being referred,

540
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:23,040
if you like someone introducing you to potential clients,

541
00:21:23,340 --> 00:21:26,550
if you like being the recipient,

542
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,100
then that means you love networking.

543
00:21:29,390 --> 00:21:32,660
What you don't like is walking into a room full of

544
00:21:32,660 --> 00:21:33,830
people you don't know.

545
00:21:34,070 --> 00:21:35,000
Say it's different.

546
00:21:35,230 --> 00:21:36,340
We've got to stop that.

547
00:21:36,340 --> 00:21:37,540
I hate networking.

548
00:21:37,850 --> 00:21:39,890
I'm an introvert so I can't do it.

549
00:21:40,110 --> 00:21:40,620
It's funny,

550
00:21:40,710 --> 00:21:44,520
before there was this whole hullabaloo around introverts and the book

551
00:21:44,550 --> 00:21:46,940
quiet, the people who were shy,

552
00:21:47,060 --> 00:21:48,590
you never heard them say,

553
00:21:48,590 --> 00:21:49,730
I hate networking.

554
00:21:50,010 --> 00:21:52,530
These are people who are uncomfortable,

555
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:54,420
but they want to be with people.

556
00:21:54,420 --> 00:21:55,830
They liked people.

557
00:21:56,260 --> 00:21:59,830
We need to supplant that attitude with,

558
00:22:00,130 --> 00:22:04,140
I have something that I'm creating that I'm doing and I

559
00:22:04,140 --> 00:22:07,200
want to have as many people benefit from it.

560
00:22:07,460 --> 00:22:09,800
The best way to do it is to get to know

561
00:22:09,860 --> 00:22:13,820
and talk to people who will tell other people whether they're

562
00:22:13,820 --> 00:22:15,650
online or face to face.

563
00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:16,660
Got it.

564
00:22:16,940 --> 00:22:19,340
Let me give you some tips before you go anywhere.

565
00:22:19,620 --> 00:22:22,440
Have your own self-introduction prepared.

566
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:25,310
You'll feel so much better when you walk in a room

567
00:22:25,310 --> 00:22:27,080
and you know what you're going to say about yourself.

568
00:22:27,350 --> 00:22:30,230
Now, in spite of how a lot of people tell you

569
00:22:30,230 --> 00:22:31,670
about introductions,

570
00:22:31,730 --> 00:22:35,180
this is the Rowan self-introduction three traits.

571
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:38,720
It is not 30 seconds or 15 seconds.

572
00:22:39,030 --> 00:22:43,720
It's a seven to nine second pleasantry and by that I

573
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,690
mean you're not given your whole spiel.

574
00:22:46,690 --> 00:22:50,320
It's not an elevator speech or pitch.

575
00:22:50,570 --> 00:22:55,550
It's a pleasantry where you give something about you as to

576
00:22:55,550 --> 00:22:59,120
why you're there in the room that helps that other person

577
00:22:59,380 --> 00:23:01,420
have context for your presence.

578
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:02,610
So eight,

579
00:23:02,610 --> 00:23:03,810
seven to nine seconds.

580
00:23:03,810 --> 00:23:05,340
And I wondered why did I say that?

581
00:23:05,340 --> 00:23:08,100
And I read my book and it's cause the research from,

582
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:09,390
I believe it was Dr.

583
00:23:09,390 --> 00:23:11,160
David givens is after nine seconds,

584
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,070
do you know that eye contact is considered a glare?

585
00:23:14,470 --> 00:23:15,430
No kidding.

586
00:23:15,910 --> 00:23:16,630
Yeah. And I go,

587
00:23:16,630 --> 00:23:17,230
well God,

588
00:23:17,230 --> 00:23:18,010
I was smart.

589
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:19,660
I forgot that was the reason.

590
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,480
So 79 seconds,

591
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,830
it's a pleasantry and if you're saying to somebody,

592
00:23:23,850 --> 00:23:25,630
Hey, it's really nice to meet you.

593
00:23:25,910 --> 00:23:27,110
Don't say it like this.

594
00:23:27,170 --> 00:23:28,640
Oh it's so nice to meet you.

595
00:23:28,910 --> 00:23:31,370
Now even if you're nervous and you want to sound like

596
00:23:31,370 --> 00:23:33,640
that, you have to sound enthusiastic.

597
00:23:33,780 --> 00:23:34,470
If you're going to say,

598
00:23:34,500 --> 00:23:37,430
I'm happy to meet you that you are so your voice,

599
00:23:37,550 --> 00:23:38,450
your face,

600
00:23:38,570 --> 00:23:39,860
your body language,

601
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,670
you have to monitor that to make sure you look welcoming.

602
00:23:43,940 --> 00:23:46,430
And how about approachable?

603
00:23:47,690 --> 00:23:49,070
Seven to nine seconds.

604
00:23:49,220 --> 00:23:53,540
The second thing you do is you let people know you're

605
00:23:53,540 --> 00:23:55,520
there and why you're there.

606
00:23:55,790 --> 00:23:57,710
So you may say,

607
00:23:57,770 --> 00:24:01,580
Oh well you know I'm here because I just started my

608
00:24:01,580 --> 00:24:06,710
business. I'm here because we're thinking of expanding into another market.

609
00:24:06,970 --> 00:24:08,830
Give people a reason for why you're there.

610
00:24:08,830 --> 00:24:09,820
It's like at a wedding,

611
00:24:10,220 --> 00:24:12,380
nobody cares what you do in a wedding.

612
00:24:12,380 --> 00:24:13,250
They want to know,

613
00:24:13,340 --> 00:24:14,240
do you know the bride?

614
00:24:14,570 --> 00:24:15,530
Do you know the groom?

615
00:24:15,740 --> 00:24:19,410
So they can have context because we need to help people

616
00:24:19,410 --> 00:24:21,810
out and figure out what to talk to us about.

617
00:24:22,100 --> 00:24:24,650
So instead of giving your job title,

618
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,840
give the benefit of what you do,

619
00:24:27,190 --> 00:24:28,570
the benefit of what you do.

620
00:24:28,990 --> 00:24:31,150
Yes. And I learned that from Patricia Fripp.

621
00:24:31,150 --> 00:24:33,400
She said to me a title means nothing,

622
00:24:33,660 --> 00:24:35,010
but when you give the benefit,

623
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,170
people know what they will get.

624
00:24:37,500 --> 00:24:38,220
And you also,

625
00:24:38,220 --> 00:24:38,790
she said,

626
00:24:38,790 --> 00:24:42,240
give them then the opportunity to ask a question,

627
00:24:42,610 --> 00:24:45,430
start the conversation and they may ask you,

628
00:24:45,430 --> 00:24:46,420
well what does that mean?

629
00:24:46,420 --> 00:24:50,080
And then you are invited to explain what you do and

630
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:50,860
why you're there.

631
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:54,590
Right? So this conversation in this portion that we're talking about

632
00:24:54,590 --> 00:24:57,470
right now is when you are walking into a room and

633
00:24:57,470 --> 00:24:58,250
you're mingling.

634
00:24:58,610 --> 00:25:02,150
So it's not in the point of a networking meeting where

635
00:25:02,150 --> 00:25:04,430
people are going up and doing their elevator speeches,

636
00:25:04,460 --> 00:25:05,540
the up and down.

637
00:25:05,900 --> 00:25:07,700
No, this is when you're invited.

638
00:25:07,990 --> 00:25:09,310
And it could be any event.

639
00:25:09,310 --> 00:25:10,870
You could be going to a conference,

640
00:25:10,910 --> 00:25:12,480
a meeting and association,

641
00:25:12,790 --> 00:25:16,240
but even in a BNI meeting there is a time right

642
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:21,330
before the meeting you had the opportunity to socialize and that

643
00:25:21,330 --> 00:25:22,020
is the work,

644
00:25:22,020 --> 00:25:24,570
the room or even after the meeting you'll hear someone say

645
00:25:24,570 --> 00:25:27,240
something and you might have an idea or a thought or

646
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:29,880
a question that won't come up in a structure.

647
00:25:30,220 --> 00:25:32,500
That's where you get to be social.

648
00:25:32,730 --> 00:25:36,600
The most confounding is the not structured event.

649
00:25:37,020 --> 00:25:41,450
That's very confounding for people and then the third quality of

650
00:25:41,540 --> 00:25:46,610
what you do with people is you give them something to

651
00:25:46,610 --> 00:25:47,630
remember you by.

652
00:25:47,690 --> 00:25:50,720
So it's something that you've said,

653
00:25:50,870 --> 00:25:54,760
something that you tell them so that they can put in

654
00:25:54,770 --> 00:25:56,900
their brain who I'm talking to.

655
00:25:57,150 --> 00:25:59,490
Make sure you say your name clearly and I know this

656
00:25:59,490 --> 00:26:00,480
is going to sound strange.

657
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:03,630
Introduce yourself to people if you're not wearing a name tag

658
00:26:03,980 --> 00:26:06,440
first and last names,

659
00:26:07,050 --> 00:26:08,790
never just first name.

660
00:26:09,270 --> 00:26:10,770
Oh, interesting.

661
00:26:11,170 --> 00:26:14,120
Here's another tip from how to work room when there's a

662
00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:15,170
name tag event.

663
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:18,800
Always make sure your name tags on your right hand side.

664
00:26:19,100 --> 00:26:21,530
Yup. I learned that from you years ago.

665
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:23,260
Yes. Thank you.

666
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:27,000
Cause the line of sight is with the handshake and it's

667
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:30,120
real easy for someone to sneak a peek and catch up.

668
00:26:30,370 --> 00:26:33,010
So those are how we prepare ourselves.

669
00:26:33,250 --> 00:26:34,690
Seven to nine seconds.

670
00:26:35,110 --> 00:26:38,470
Give the benefit of what you do and give people something

671
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:42,120
memorable. First and last names also,

672
00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:45,150
I don't care if you the paper online,

673
00:26:45,370 --> 00:26:46,120
in print,

674
00:26:46,290 --> 00:26:48,090
go through a newspaper,

675
00:26:48,420 --> 00:26:51,210
don't walk into any event where you don't know what's going

676
00:26:51,210 --> 00:26:52,170
on in the world,

677
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:52,980
in the country,

678
00:26:52,980 --> 00:26:54,000
in your community,

679
00:26:54,030 --> 00:26:55,020
in your profession.

680
00:26:55,310 --> 00:27:00,160
You will have more conversation if you have stayed aware cause

681
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:01,720
there's nothing worse than someone saying,

682
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:04,840
Oh did you hear that the youngest Jenner is worth,

683
00:27:04,990 --> 00:27:05,650
what did they say?

684
00:27:05,650 --> 00:27:08,710
I think I read it was like couple billion dollars with

685
00:27:08,710 --> 00:27:12,270
her makeup line that's actually being picked up all over.

686
00:27:12,570 --> 00:27:14,160
You should really know what's going on.

687
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,950
Not that I give a thought about the Kardashians.

688
00:27:16,980 --> 00:27:20,160
Jenners but the idea is she's making the billionaires list.

689
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,040
Well it's an a way to get off of conversation.

690
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:25,320
That's just the small banter and that was going to be

691
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:28,320
one of my questions because I so often find that we'll

692
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:31,020
go in and start talking with someone and it's like,

693
00:27:31,050 --> 00:27:32,400
Oh well you say your name,

694
00:27:32,580 --> 00:27:34,080
what company are you with?

695
00:27:34,170 --> 00:27:36,660
And then people will start giving the address of where the

696
00:27:36,660 --> 00:27:40,220
location is like crazy things that don't even matter and it's

697
00:27:40,220 --> 00:27:42,710
all just very surface level talk.

698
00:27:42,710 --> 00:27:44,030
Do you never get deeper?

699
00:27:44,690 --> 00:27:48,110
I can't wait for you to hear Susan's perspective on small

700
00:27:48,110 --> 00:27:50,750
talk. We're going to do that right after a word from

701
00:27:50,750 --> 00:27:51,410
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702
00:27:52,710 --> 00:27:55,680
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703
00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:56,940
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704
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705
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706
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707
00:28:03,660 --> 00:28:04,740
for more information.

708
00:28:05,170 --> 00:28:07,750
Okay, you and I'm going to say something about that.

709
00:28:08,140 --> 00:28:11,740
I will suggest to everyone a little different than what you

710
00:28:11,740 --> 00:28:16,030
said is embrace small talk and I'll tell you why I

711
00:28:16,030 --> 00:28:19,000
don't consider the address as a detail that's irrelevant,

712
00:28:19,090 --> 00:28:21,820
right? But the small talk of,

713
00:28:21,940 --> 00:28:23,170
Oh, where did you go to school?

714
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:23,680
Oh my gosh.

715
00:28:23,710 --> 00:28:25,090
I had a friend that went there,

716
00:28:25,360 --> 00:28:27,160
Oh, I'm originally from Chicago,

717
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:27,580
was you know,

718
00:28:27,610 --> 00:28:29,110
Oh, where did you meet people?

719
00:28:29,110 --> 00:28:29,500
And I go,

720
00:28:29,530 --> 00:28:30,490
where'd you go to high school?

721
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:32,570
Oh, where did you eat pizza?

722
00:28:32,780 --> 00:28:35,150
Now a lot of people in a lot of other cities

723
00:28:35,180 --> 00:28:38,090
think, what are you asking me where I ate pizza from?

724
00:28:38,090 --> 00:28:42,250
But we all know that's a really important question because people

725
00:28:42,250 --> 00:28:44,710
bond about what they have in common.

726
00:28:45,010 --> 00:28:47,260
So whether it's we went to the same school,

727
00:28:47,260 --> 00:28:48,490
we liked the same movies,

728
00:28:48,490 --> 00:28:49,960
we support the same teams.

729
00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:53,520
Once you find the common bond,

730
00:28:53,860 --> 00:28:58,030
something different happens like you and I did when it was

731
00:28:58,030 --> 00:28:59,170
Cheryl, right?

732
00:28:59,500 --> 00:29:01,300
Ms Cheryl stationary station,

733
00:29:01,300 --> 00:29:03,310
as we said in our pre-conversation,

734
00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:08,280
40 years of successful stationaries in gift store.

735
00:29:08,690 --> 00:29:12,860
Remarkable. But when you find something in common,

736
00:29:12,860 --> 00:29:14,180
someone in common,

737
00:29:14,570 --> 00:29:19,040
the conversation changes and then it segues into something deeper.

738
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:21,720
I, one of my pet peeves are people that show up

739
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:28,130
at networking events with the prescribed deep dive questions and I

740
00:29:28,130 --> 00:29:29,810
am the person that'll say,

741
00:29:30,020 --> 00:29:31,610
I don't even know you.

742
00:29:31,950 --> 00:29:34,890
You haven't earned the right to ask that.

743
00:29:35,420 --> 00:29:36,650
Get to know me.

744
00:29:37,350 --> 00:29:40,710
How can you figure out how you can help me if

745
00:29:40,710 --> 00:29:42,850
you don't have a conversation with me,

746
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:45,550
how can I figure out how to help you if we

747
00:29:45,550 --> 00:29:46,540
haven't had a talk?

748
00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:47,650
And if you come up to me and go,

749
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:48,010
well I,

750
00:29:48,070 --> 00:29:50,710
and I actually know someone who did that wrote about that

751
00:29:50,710 --> 00:29:51,190
in my book.

752
00:29:51,190 --> 00:29:52,510
Secrets of savvy networking.

753
00:29:52,750 --> 00:29:55,180
I really need leads to hotel,

754
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:56,410
restaurant managers.

755
00:29:56,950 --> 00:29:57,940
Uh, who are you?

756
00:29:58,580 --> 00:29:59,750
Yeah, I've seen that too.

757
00:29:59,990 --> 00:30:02,180
I agree with you in terms of the level of small

758
00:30:02,180 --> 00:30:05,450
talk and the connecting and finding some common ground.

759
00:30:05,780 --> 00:30:06,920
But I find some people,

760
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:10,640
what'll happen is they will say good morning and they'll talk

761
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:13,430
about the weather and then they'll throw a business card at

762
00:30:13,430 --> 00:30:14,740
you. Oh no.

763
00:30:15,010 --> 00:30:17,440
Those are people that know how to work a room.

764
00:30:17,990 --> 00:30:21,290
And I think people do that because they might be shy

765
00:30:21,380 --> 00:30:25,940
and they might've gone to some program of someone that doesn't

766
00:30:25,940 --> 00:30:27,500
know what they're talking about,

767
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:29,360
of what networking is.

768
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:30,830
That is not networking.

769
00:30:31,170 --> 00:30:37,200
A business card exchange comes after in this country comes after

770
00:30:37,260 --> 00:30:38,310
a conversation.

771
00:30:38,570 --> 00:30:41,810
In some countries it proceeds and there's a on the Eastern

772
00:30:41,810 --> 00:30:42,740
countries, Japan,

773
00:30:42,740 --> 00:30:43,220
et cetera.

774
00:30:43,250 --> 00:30:47,000
So there's a more formalized process cause it is a presentation

775
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:47,960
of a business card.

776
00:30:48,310 --> 00:30:51,700
But in North America and in many parts of Europe,

777
00:30:51,910 --> 00:30:54,970
it follows up a conversation.

778
00:30:55,250 --> 00:30:56,300
Here's the whole key.

779
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:59,540
It all is really Sue is if you're in a room,

780
00:30:59,700 --> 00:31:03,510
you have the wonderful option of talking to people face to

781
00:31:03,510 --> 00:31:05,550
face, have a conversation,

782
00:31:05,580 --> 00:31:07,200
find out what they're interested in.

783
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:10,590
If you don't know something about what they're interested in.

784
00:31:10,900 --> 00:31:12,430
Well what if I don't know anything?

785
00:31:12,430 --> 00:31:12,700
I said,

786
00:31:12,730 --> 00:31:13,810
Oh even better.

787
00:31:14,250 --> 00:31:16,110
Oh I'm not aware of that.

788
00:31:16,500 --> 00:31:18,150
Could you tell me more?

789
00:31:18,590 --> 00:31:19,660
Right. Okay.

790
00:31:19,660 --> 00:31:22,060
Well so now I have another question and I'm going to

791
00:31:22,060 --> 00:31:24,040
put myself out on the line cause I'm going to tell

792
00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:26,770
you what I tell people to do and you're going to

793
00:31:26,770 --> 00:31:28,930
tell me if this is good advice or not.

794
00:31:28,930 --> 00:31:29,380
All right?

795
00:31:29,580 --> 00:31:33,390
So when I'm working with somebody and they are uncomfortable about

796
00:31:33,390 --> 00:31:36,300
networking, you and I spoke earlier about how much of an

797
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:39,360
advocate I am and most of our listeners know because I

798
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:40,050
talked to them,

799
00:31:40,050 --> 00:31:40,290
you know,

800
00:31:40,290 --> 00:31:42,660
you should be out networking no matter what.

801
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:43,850
But I also,

802
00:31:43,850 --> 00:31:46,850
when people are nervous and anxious and afraid to go in,

803
00:31:46,940 --> 00:31:48,050
I tell them,

804
00:31:48,330 --> 00:31:50,070
don't focus on yourself.

805
00:31:50,100 --> 00:31:53,130
What you're trying to do is focus and learn as much

806
00:31:53,130 --> 00:31:56,790
as you can about other people to see how you can

807
00:31:56,790 --> 00:31:57,810
help them.

808
00:31:58,050 --> 00:32:01,500
And then automatically it'll start turning around later too.

809
00:32:01,530 --> 00:32:03,030
Oh, and also what do you do?

810
00:32:03,300 --> 00:32:06,180
But so if the focus is on nice to meet you,

811
00:32:06,210 --> 00:32:07,620
whatever all small talk is,

812
00:32:07,620 --> 00:32:10,730
I grew with a small talk there and then your questions

813
00:32:10,730 --> 00:32:12,260
are all learning about them,

814
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,870
not, what do I say next about me?

815
00:32:15,130 --> 00:32:18,100
It makes everything so much easier because you're focusing out,

816
00:32:18,100 --> 00:32:19,690
you're not focusing in.

817
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:21,290
What do you think about that?

818
00:32:21,660 --> 00:32:26,270
Well, absolutely and I'm going to give this other thought that

819
00:32:26,270 --> 00:32:30,050
I woman said in a presentation I did in Hawaii and

820
00:32:30,050 --> 00:32:32,270
it was such good advice and I'm so glad she gave

821
00:32:32,270 --> 00:32:34,340
it to me so early on that I could share it.

822
00:32:34,630 --> 00:32:36,820
Instead of walking into a room going,

823
00:32:36,850 --> 00:32:38,680
Oh, I'm so nervous I don't like people.

824
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:39,470
What if do that?

825
00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:40,320
She said,

826
00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:44,190
do you have to change that attitude to what can I

827
00:32:44,190 --> 00:32:47,970
do to make them comfortable with me?

828
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:54,350
And when you do that and you shift that attitude and

829
00:32:54,350 --> 00:32:56,870
you actually try to make people comfortable with you,

830
00:32:57,060 --> 00:32:58,560
they actually will get comfortable.

831
00:32:58,560 --> 00:32:59,460
When they're comfortable,

832
00:32:59,460 --> 00:33:02,250
they'll be more open and then you're in a dialogue.

833
00:33:02,490 --> 00:33:05,820
So what you said is true also on conversation.

834
00:33:06,170 --> 00:33:08,570
Conversation is not 20 questions.

835
00:33:08,570 --> 00:33:10,880
Conversation is not an interrogation.

836
00:33:11,150 --> 00:33:11,720
The three,

837
00:33:11,930 --> 00:33:12,800
and I actually wrote,

838
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:13,940
what do I say next?

839
00:33:14,030 --> 00:33:17,330
I'm still out there by grand central publishing.

840
00:33:17,570 --> 00:33:19,970
The three aspects to conversation.

841
00:33:20,460 --> 00:33:23,760
I tell everyone you can't miss if you go everywhere bringing

842
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:26,910
your or you'll paddle through any problem.

843
00:33:27,250 --> 00:33:28,960
And it stands for observe,

844
00:33:29,310 --> 00:33:30,780
ask, reveal.

845
00:33:31,140 --> 00:33:33,210
A conversation is not just questions,

846
00:33:33,270 --> 00:33:35,040
it's not just observations.

847
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:36,750
And it's not just revealing,

848
00:33:36,780 --> 00:33:38,190
but it's a combination.

849
00:33:38,450 --> 00:33:42,230
And I know someone whose idea of conversation is she asks

850
00:33:42,260 --> 00:33:45,310
20 questions and I'm going to tell you why we shouldn't

851
00:33:45,310 --> 00:33:45,760
do that.

852
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:46,720
Number one,

853
00:33:46,900 --> 00:33:48,310
we will appear nosy.

854
00:33:48,590 --> 00:33:49,340
Number two,

855
00:33:49,340 --> 00:33:49,910
you can say,

856
00:33:49,910 --> 00:33:51,260
well, I'm just curious,

857
00:33:51,540 --> 00:33:55,470
but the most important thing is you put someone else on

858
00:33:55,470 --> 00:33:57,840
the spot to do all the talking.

859
00:33:58,260 --> 00:34:00,480
Yeah. You have to bring your story,

860
00:34:00,750 --> 00:34:01,740
your comments.

861
00:34:02,020 --> 00:34:04,480
One of the things I share with people is if someone's

862
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:07,210
talking about something that you really don't know,

863
00:34:07,210 --> 00:34:08,260
but you have a friend,

864
00:34:08,260 --> 00:34:09,490
like I don't have a dog.

865
00:34:09,830 --> 00:34:11,720
I can't share dog stories,

866
00:34:12,030 --> 00:34:15,090
but I borrow my friend's dog stories.

867
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:17,530
So if someone's talking about their pet,

868
00:34:17,770 --> 00:34:18,520
I borrow.

869
00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:20,170
If it's a golden,

870
00:34:20,170 --> 00:34:22,390
I have my friend with the golden stories,

871
00:34:22,390 --> 00:34:23,680
I have the Bishone stories.

872
00:34:23,950 --> 00:34:26,620
So here's the under score to this,

873
00:34:26,650 --> 00:34:27,610
the Rowan tip,

874
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:30,550
borrow other people's lives.

875
00:34:30,930 --> 00:34:34,110
That's how we help connect with people when we don't have

876
00:34:34,110 --> 00:34:35,940
that direct experience.

877
00:34:36,310 --> 00:34:37,720
Interesting. Yeah,

878
00:34:37,720 --> 00:34:40,540
so you tell a story from someone else that's relevant to

879
00:34:40,540 --> 00:34:43,600
the conversation that's relevant to the conversation.

880
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:44,020
It's like,

881
00:34:44,140 --> 00:34:45,070
Oh, how about this?

882
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:48,730
I am never jumping out of a plane that is in

883
00:34:48,730 --> 00:34:50,290
good working condition.

884
00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:52,640
I have a friend who's a skydiver.

885
00:34:53,030 --> 00:34:54,170
Someone talks about,

886
00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:57,350
Oh, I'm doing this skydive for my birthday.

887
00:34:57,690 --> 00:35:00,120
Well, I try not to roll my eyes because that would

888
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:00,900
be a good thing,

889
00:35:01,230 --> 00:35:05,790
but then the next thing is I shared Jim's story of

890
00:35:05,790 --> 00:35:06,900
how he got started.

891
00:35:06,900 --> 00:35:10,050
Actually. He wanted me to go sky diving and three people

892
00:35:10,050 --> 00:35:11,310
who love and adore me said,

893
00:35:11,310 --> 00:35:12,450
no, you're not doing it.

894
00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:12,870
I said,

895
00:35:12,870 --> 00:35:16,550
okay, but you see if you borrow other stories or if

896
00:35:16,550 --> 00:35:19,520
you've read or if you've read the paper you'll read about

897
00:35:20,030 --> 00:35:22,310
and that's how you build the conversation.

898
00:35:22,610 --> 00:35:23,540
If people say,

899
00:35:23,570 --> 00:35:25,610
I'm too busy to read the paper,

900
00:35:26,030 --> 00:35:29,030
but now we have these wonderful content curators,

901
00:35:29,210 --> 00:35:33,140
you can decide what information you want and get that into

902
00:35:33,140 --> 00:35:34,370
your inbox every day.

903
00:35:34,630 --> 00:35:35,440
You know what I use?

904
00:35:35,500 --> 00:35:39,920
I use the week 10 Points that you should know that

905
00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:43,370
happened that the day before something to talk about.

906
00:35:44,250 --> 00:35:45,960
I have the skim delivered.

907
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:47,070
Have you heard of a scam?

908
00:35:47,690 --> 00:35:48,410
Oh, me too.

909
00:35:48,770 --> 00:35:49,100
Oh no.

910
00:35:49,100 --> 00:35:51,140
I've been getting this skim for a couple years.

911
00:35:51,230 --> 00:35:52,990
Yes, the skim is good.

912
00:35:52,990 --> 00:35:54,070
Bustle is good.

913
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:55,110
I also get,

914
00:35:55,380 --> 00:35:56,790
cause I have to know what's going on.

915
00:35:56,790 --> 00:35:57,870
I get Xes,

916
00:35:57,900 --> 00:35:59,040
I get Politico,

917
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:00,800
I make sure besides,

918
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:04,100
I read three print newspapers a day and two online.

919
00:36:04,670 --> 00:36:05,330
Oh my gosh.

920
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:06,680
How do you get anything else done?

921
00:36:07,010 --> 00:36:07,640
That's a lot.

922
00:36:08,180 --> 00:36:08,840
You skim it.

923
00:36:08,990 --> 00:36:12,470
I skip but I sometimes wonder and I wonder why I

924
00:36:12,470 --> 00:36:16,340
do that and I realized when I grew up in Chicago

925
00:36:16,340 --> 00:36:17,750
there were four newspapers,

926
00:36:17,780 --> 00:36:20,450
two morning and two afternoon and they all came to my

927
00:36:20,450 --> 00:36:22,810
house. I saw my parents read papers,

928
00:36:23,050 --> 00:36:26,140
but I also saw what a great conversationalist my mother was.

929
00:36:26,500 --> 00:36:28,440
You know what occurs to me as you were talking about

930
00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:31,770
that in terms of borrowing other people's stories and what you

931
00:36:31,770 --> 00:36:35,070
were just talking about too about making people comfortable with you

932
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:39,330
is if you can borrow someone else's story or to your

933
00:36:39,330 --> 00:36:42,810
point about knowing something current where you can keep the conversation

934
00:36:42,810 --> 00:36:46,590
going ultimately then it will get back onto,

935
00:36:46,590 --> 00:36:48,120
because you know how conversations go.

936
00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:51,540
It's one topic morphs into another another.

937
00:36:51,630 --> 00:36:55,940
So the whole point is I think person to person interaction

938
00:36:55,940 --> 00:37:01,040
and you're getting to know people by having that interaction versus

939
00:37:01,070 --> 00:37:03,740
always the content you're delivering and telling them what you're doing

940
00:37:03,740 --> 00:37:06,230
and like we were talking about passing out all these cards

941
00:37:06,230 --> 00:37:06,740
and all that.

942
00:37:06,950 --> 00:37:09,980
It's getting someone to like you and want to talk more

943
00:37:09,980 --> 00:37:13,880
with you through these series of conversations that then leads to

944
00:37:14,420 --> 00:37:16,760
what you would really define as networking,

945
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:17,840
which is afterwards.

946
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:19,940
Right? That's exactly right.

947
00:37:19,940 --> 00:37:21,410
That's beautifully said.

948
00:37:21,610 --> 00:37:23,320
Wait, you're building and this is,

949
00:37:23,410 --> 00:37:26,380
everyone says the word and a lot of people actually are

950
00:37:26,380 --> 00:37:28,210
so robotic about it.

951
00:37:28,240 --> 00:37:29,890
I don't believe a word they say,

952
00:37:30,070 --> 00:37:34,150
but what you're saying is what you're building is connection.

953
00:37:34,450 --> 00:37:41,720
You're building relationships Which then can lead on to business exchange,

954
00:37:41,750 --> 00:37:43,130
referral exchange,

955
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:43,790
any of that.

956
00:37:44,150 --> 00:37:45,410
Exactly. People,

957
00:37:45,620 --> 00:37:46,220
this is,

958
00:37:46,670 --> 00:37:47,330
Oh my gosh.

959
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:49,640
The guy that did megatrends,

960
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,320
he wrote a book with one of his wives and one

961
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:54,570
of the tenets that they discovered is,

962
00:37:54,690 --> 00:37:56,190
and people quoted all the time,

963
00:37:56,190 --> 00:37:59,220
but they don't actually know where they're quoting.

964
00:37:59,490 --> 00:38:03,360
It's, they did the research and found people do business with

965
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:04,980
people they know like,

966
00:38:05,370 --> 00:38:06,240
and trust.

967
00:38:06,570 --> 00:38:08,940
And the more you can get to know people by a

968
00:38:08,940 --> 00:38:10,800
conversation, communication,

969
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:11,970
staying in touch,

970
00:38:12,270 --> 00:38:16,410
the deeper you build the trust and the relationship,

971
00:38:16,630 --> 00:38:18,280
especially face to face.

972
00:38:18,670 --> 00:38:21,010
Absolutely. When face to face came out,

973
00:38:21,010 --> 00:38:24,010
it unfortunately came out the week that the economy crashed.

974
00:38:24,230 --> 00:38:27,530
But when I wrote the original proposal,

975
00:38:27,940 --> 00:38:30,310
and that's gotta be 15 years ago,

976
00:38:30,340 --> 00:38:32,050
it was called the human touch.

977
00:38:32,370 --> 00:38:35,860
I change the subtitle and they let go with it,

978
00:38:36,010 --> 00:38:40,210
which was a how to reclaim the personal touch in a

979
00:38:40,210 --> 00:38:41,170
digital world.

980
00:38:41,630 --> 00:38:43,790
And that book came out 10 years ago.

981
00:38:44,190 --> 00:38:48,450
That is now the biggest issue we have or problem we

982
00:38:48,450 --> 00:38:51,710
have is that we've lost a lot of personal touch.

983
00:38:51,980 --> 00:38:54,620
And that will propel you further.

984
00:38:54,620 --> 00:38:55,040
In fact,

985
00:38:55,250 --> 00:38:57,020
a research that said,

986
00:38:57,140 --> 00:38:59,150
well, you know how people say don't have meetings,

987
00:38:59,150 --> 00:38:59,810
they're boring.

988
00:38:59,810 --> 00:39:01,940
And they found out that actual,

989
00:39:01,940 --> 00:39:05,630
the meetings and some of the things we think are outdated

990
00:39:05,690 --> 00:39:09,650
are how people connect with each other on the job through

991
00:39:09,860 --> 00:39:11,300
their organizations,

992
00:39:11,300 --> 00:39:11,840
et cetera.

993
00:39:11,930 --> 00:39:12,710
So yeah,

994
00:39:12,710 --> 00:39:15,920
the face to face is ultimately important.

995
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:19,400
And if you were in a different geographic location and you

996
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:20,510
want to meet with someone,

997
00:39:20,860 --> 00:39:24,160
meet on Skype or zoom or FaceTime,

998
00:39:24,610 --> 00:39:26,740
right. It's almost person to person.

999
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:28,560
It's face to face.

1000
00:39:28,950 --> 00:39:30,540
It might not be in person,

1001
00:39:30,570 --> 00:39:32,010
but it's face to face.

1002
00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:34,150
That does wonders.

1003
00:39:34,150 --> 00:39:36,910
That's how you have a global community.

1004
00:39:37,180 --> 00:39:38,080
This guy and I,

1005
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:39,250
we think of ourselves,

1006
00:39:39,310 --> 00:39:40,420
Oh, you'll love this story.

1007
00:39:40,510 --> 00:39:42,820
We think our ever ourselves as best friends.

1008
00:39:43,090 --> 00:39:43,960
He's in England,

1009
00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:47,140
he's introduced to me by Ivan Meisner who founded BNI.

1010
00:39:47,430 --> 00:39:49,230
We're doing a Google Hangouts.

1011
00:39:49,230 --> 00:39:50,280
I don't like Google Hangouts,

1012
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:54,010
but I really like Skype and zoom and he's from England.

1013
00:39:54,010 --> 00:39:54,670
So I happened to say,

1014
00:39:54,670 --> 00:39:56,650
well perhaps you know my friend's brother.

1015
00:39:56,650 --> 00:39:57,010
And he goes,

1016
00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:57,910
Oh, I think I heard of him.

1017
00:39:57,910 --> 00:39:58,210
And I said,

1018
00:39:58,210 --> 00:40:00,760
well maybe you know of this sister-in-law who quite the star.

1019
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:00,910
He goes,

1020
00:40:00,910 --> 00:40:02,430
yeah, I just read a book about her.

1021
00:40:02,710 --> 00:40:03,910
I was in love with her.

1022
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,250
I had her picture on my wall as a kid.

1023
00:40:06,730 --> 00:40:08,350
It changed everything.

1024
00:40:08,530 --> 00:40:12,130
Now we are really good buds and here's the best thing.

1025
00:40:12,130 --> 00:40:15,640
Two years ago I was texting my cousin a new year

1026
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:18,550
greeting and she came back and wrote me and said,

1027
00:40:18,850 --> 00:40:22,240
Oh my friend Ian has a cousin that talks about networking

1028
00:40:22,240 --> 00:40:25,300
perhaps you know him and sends me my friend Andy Lapada,

1029
00:40:25,300 --> 00:40:26,200
his URL.

1030
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:26,980
I go,

1031
00:40:27,230 --> 00:40:30,910
no, this isn't Chicago.

1032
00:40:30,940 --> 00:40:31,960
He's in England,

1033
00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:33,340
I'm in San Francisco.

1034
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:35,990
I immediately send them an email going,

1035
00:40:36,310 --> 00:40:39,670
well the first cousins network is working.

1036
00:40:39,940 --> 00:40:43,000
My first cousins friends with his first cousin.

1037
00:40:43,240 --> 00:40:44,470
Oh my gosh,

1038
00:40:44,500 --> 00:40:45,520
that's crazy.

1039
00:40:46,060 --> 00:40:46,930
But folks,

1040
00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:49,540
I tell this story because it is a,

1041
00:40:49,540 --> 00:40:52,700
you never know if we don't talk to people,

1042
00:40:52,700 --> 00:40:54,890
we don't find out who we have in common,

1043
00:40:54,890 --> 00:40:56,140
what we know in common,

1044
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:57,350
what we like in common.

1045
00:40:57,580 --> 00:41:00,250
But I'm going to tell you about my second cousin cause

1046
00:41:00,250 --> 00:41:01,750
it goes exactly to it.

1047
00:41:01,780 --> 00:41:06,760
Everyone listening who is a maker does my cousin Renee owned

1048
00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:10,060
Rene's sauces and salad dressings in Canada.

1049
00:41:10,270 --> 00:41:11,710
Here's how it came about.

1050
00:41:12,010 --> 00:41:12,610
And by the way,

1051
00:41:12,610 --> 00:41:14,860
whenever I meet someone from Canada I say,

1052
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:17,620
Oh do you use your Rene's sauces and salad dressings?

1053
00:41:17,650 --> 00:41:18,400
Oh yes.

1054
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:19,660
I love their creamy garlic.

1055
00:41:19,660 --> 00:41:19,930
I go,

1056
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:20,860
it's my cousin.

1057
00:41:21,700 --> 00:41:24,790
And then we have a salad dressing conversation.

1058
00:41:24,790 --> 00:41:27,070
And I tell them this story cause she's in my book,

1059
00:41:27,100 --> 00:41:28,270
how to create your own luck.

1060
00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:31,280
She had an allergy to the things we put in food.

1061
00:41:31,660 --> 00:41:32,920
So she couldn't use salad.

1062
00:41:33,290 --> 00:41:34,610
So she would make her own.

1063
00:41:34,700 --> 00:41:36,500
And it was one holiday season.

1064
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:38,240
It was time for Christmas and Hanukkah.

1065
00:41:38,410 --> 00:41:39,340
She had three kids,

1066
00:41:39,340 --> 00:41:40,450
second grade teacher,

1067
00:41:40,450 --> 00:41:41,560
not a lot of money.

1068
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:45,670
So she made salad dressing for all their friends.

1069
00:41:45,950 --> 00:41:46,910
It was quite cute.

1070
00:41:46,910 --> 00:41:50,180
She said the red and green bows went on the Christmas

1071
00:41:50,180 --> 00:41:53,390
ones, the blue bows went on the Hanukkah salad dressing jars.

1072
00:41:53,790 --> 00:41:57,030
Two weeks later she started getting calls from friends.

1073
00:41:57,390 --> 00:41:58,440
Do you have any more?

1074
00:41:58,500 --> 00:41:59,940
No. Could you make me some?

1075
00:41:59,970 --> 00:42:00,660
And she said,

1076
00:42:00,720 --> 00:42:03,130
yeah, I'm going to sit and be 20 eggs.

1077
00:42:03,150 --> 00:42:03,390
You know.

1078
00:42:04,970 --> 00:42:07,160
And then finally a friend called and said,

1079
00:42:07,430 --> 00:42:11,060
what would you charge me for another jar?

1080
00:42:11,340 --> 00:42:12,390
And she blew it off.

1081
00:42:12,420 --> 00:42:13,200
And her husband,

1082
00:42:13,230 --> 00:42:13,950
Arnie said,

1083
00:42:14,430 --> 00:42:15,960
why don't we find out?

1084
00:42:16,550 --> 00:42:17,960
Yeah. She had some market research.

1085
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:20,660
She didn't even know she was getting exactly.

1086
00:42:20,750 --> 00:42:25,040
When the marketplace asks you give them an answer.

1087
00:42:25,310 --> 00:42:28,670
Turns out they started the company and she started making just

1088
00:42:28,670 --> 00:42:30,260
salad dressing in her kitchen.

1089
00:42:30,510 --> 00:42:33,450
She sold the company a couple of years ago to Heinz.

1090
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:36,000
I was in the factory the last time I was in

1091
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:41,370
Toronto. Folks with started as I'm allergic to the gunk in

1092
00:42:41,820 --> 00:42:43,560
premade, whatever.

1093
00:42:43,910 --> 00:42:47,300
That's before we hit gluten free as a panacea.

1094
00:42:47,620 --> 00:42:54,060
She did something because necessity is the mother of invention and

1095
00:42:54,060 --> 00:42:55,230
it turned into her business.

1096
00:42:55,470 --> 00:42:57,300
The same Mrs.

1097
00:42:57,780 --> 00:42:59,520
Fields with the cookies,

1098
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:00,440
right? We,

1099
00:43:00,450 --> 00:43:03,760
there are so many role models of people who did things

1100
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:04,540
and someone said,

1101
00:43:04,540 --> 00:43:05,350
gee, this is so good.

1102
00:43:05,500 --> 00:43:07,480
What would you charge me for that?

1103
00:43:08,230 --> 00:43:09,610
Let's find out the answer.

1104
00:43:10,180 --> 00:43:12,460
Keeping yourself open and scaling.

1105
00:43:12,490 --> 00:43:13,930
Some people want to scale up.

1106
00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:16,990
Other people are happy just to have the business in one

1107
00:43:16,990 --> 00:43:20,300
location. Some people are happy to do it online and not

1108
00:43:20,300 --> 00:43:21,080
have brick and mortar.

1109
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:23,510
There's so many ways to build a business.

1110
00:43:24,250 --> 00:43:24,880
Absolutely true.

1111
00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:26,230
But to what you were saying earlier,

1112
00:43:26,230 --> 00:43:30,020
people have to know about your business and not just people

1113
00:43:30,020 --> 00:43:30,950
in business meetings,

1114
00:43:30,950 --> 00:43:32,480
but your family and friends,

1115
00:43:32,900 --> 00:43:34,670
like with your cousins stories.

1116
00:43:34,840 --> 00:43:37,450
So you have to get the word out and that circles

1117
00:43:37,510 --> 00:43:39,010
all the way back to,

1118
00:43:39,310 --> 00:43:39,610
I don't know.

1119
00:43:39,610 --> 00:43:41,140
We need a new word for networking.

1120
00:43:41,380 --> 00:43:42,760
Yeah. Communication,

1121
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:43,720
sharing or I don't know.

1122
00:43:43,990 --> 00:43:44,710
It needs to be,

1123
00:43:44,890 --> 00:43:45,310
you know what?

1124
00:43:45,370 --> 00:43:46,750
That is what it is.

1125
00:43:46,810 --> 00:43:48,160
It's being connected.

1126
00:43:48,190 --> 00:43:52,440
Communicating. The networks are really interesting because it actually comes from

1127
00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:55,880
physics. I know I'm the only person who writes on networking

1128
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:59,120
who actually read linked by dr Barrow,

1129
00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:04,210
bossy, who is a physics PhD professor because so much of

1130
00:44:04,210 --> 00:44:07,750
that goes back to physics and how neurons and all that

1131
00:44:08,140 --> 00:44:08,980
string theory,

1132
00:44:08,980 --> 00:44:09,820
believe it or not,

1133
00:44:10,030 --> 00:44:13,480
but it is about these networks and you know what?

1134
00:44:13,870 --> 00:44:15,610
You don't just have one network.

1135
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:16,720
I've had people say to me,

1136
00:44:16,720 --> 00:44:18,280
well, I really don't have a network.

1137
00:44:18,550 --> 00:44:19,540
I have a neighbor who says,

1138
00:44:19,540 --> 00:44:20,800
I'm not a social person.

1139
00:44:20,860 --> 00:44:21,760
I don't have a network.

1140
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:22,890
Yes, you do.

1141
00:44:23,200 --> 00:44:24,580
You live next door to one.

1142
00:44:24,580 --> 00:44:26,110
You went to school with one,

1143
00:44:26,110 --> 00:44:27,670
you went to camp with one,

1144
00:44:28,050 --> 00:44:30,030
you play bocce ball with one.

1145
00:44:30,330 --> 00:44:33,630
Your kids are in a soccer group with other parents who

1146
00:44:33,630 --> 00:44:34,230
are one,

1147
00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:36,620
your fellow workers.

1148
00:44:36,950 --> 00:44:37,820
They're one.

1149
00:44:38,330 --> 00:44:39,230
And really,

1150
00:44:39,230 --> 00:44:39,530
you know,

1151
00:44:39,530 --> 00:44:40,790
how about your family?

1152
00:44:40,790 --> 00:44:44,060
And some people took issue with this when I wrote in

1153
00:44:44,060 --> 00:44:45,410
secrets of savvy networking,

1154
00:44:45,410 --> 00:44:46,670
not only your family,

1155
00:44:46,670 --> 00:44:47,570
your cousins,

1156
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:48,840
but how about this?

1157
00:44:49,020 --> 00:44:49,800
Your cousins,

1158
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,080
cousins, they're not related to you,

1159
00:44:52,350 --> 00:44:54,780
but they ought to know about you.

1160
00:44:55,250 --> 00:44:55,810
Yeah, I mean,

1161
00:44:55,810 --> 00:44:57,850
it doesn't mean that you are selling them,

1162
00:44:57,850 --> 00:44:59,980
but it means that you're in communication with them.

1163
00:44:59,980 --> 00:45:01,240
They know what you do.

1164
00:45:01,270 --> 00:45:04,180
They might be able to offer and refer you to somebody

1165
00:45:04,180 --> 00:45:05,650
else. There's that word refer,

1166
00:45:05,650 --> 00:45:06,970
which we can question,

1167
00:45:06,970 --> 00:45:09,250
but everyone does have a network.

1168
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:11,080
And whenever I think of networking,

1169
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:13,990
I think of one person who used to work for me

1170
00:45:13,990 --> 00:45:14,950
a long time ago.

1171
00:45:14,950 --> 00:45:16,270
Her name was Kristin.

1172
00:45:16,650 --> 00:45:19,620
I don't know how she came about being a networker,

1173
00:45:19,770 --> 00:45:23,830
but between her clients and her friends and all the people

1174
00:45:23,830 --> 00:45:24,940
that you just said here,

1175
00:45:24,940 --> 00:45:27,100
Susan, I got to tell you,

1176
00:45:27,370 --> 00:45:28,990
she was always connecting everybody.

1177
00:45:29,240 --> 00:45:29,890
That's right.

1178
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:32,770
She was the one where I got that thinking of you

1179
00:45:32,770 --> 00:45:35,650
think about what you can do to help somebody else versus

1180
00:45:35,650 --> 00:45:38,500
having the microscope on you and what you can tell somebody

1181
00:45:38,500 --> 00:45:39,250
about you.

1182
00:45:39,620 --> 00:45:41,750
I want you to know she never had to go and

1183
00:45:41,750 --> 00:45:42,830
look for another job.

1184
00:45:43,190 --> 00:45:46,100
Clients and other businesses sought her out.

1185
00:45:46,100 --> 00:45:48,770
Recruiters, everybody knew who she was.

1186
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:50,810
No, she was good at her job too,

1187
00:45:50,990 --> 00:45:54,320
but I think it was really through all of her networking,

1188
00:45:54,950 --> 00:45:56,510
but you just hit the magic.

1189
00:45:56,750 --> 00:45:58,670
You have to have the skill,

1190
00:45:58,790 --> 00:46:00,470
you have to have the talent,

1191
00:46:00,790 --> 00:46:02,830
you have to have the knowhow,

1192
00:46:02,860 --> 00:46:04,000
the wherewithal.

1193
00:46:04,260 --> 00:46:05,490
It is hard work.

1194
00:46:05,550 --> 00:46:06,390
And by the way,

1195
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:08,220
being a good networker is not,

1196
00:46:08,220 --> 00:46:09,750
instead of being good at what you do,

1197
00:46:10,150 --> 00:46:11,380
it's in addition.

1198
00:46:11,700 --> 00:46:14,610
But she's that node in the network.

1199
00:46:14,610 --> 00:46:15,240
She's that.

1200
00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:16,440
I never ride a bicycle,

1201
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:19,320
but you know how all the spikes come off that the

1202
00:46:19,320 --> 00:46:21,930
spokes, the spokes all come out from a central unit.

1203
00:46:22,140 --> 00:46:24,120
Yeah, she's the central unit.

1204
00:46:24,330 --> 00:46:27,660
But what she also did is she stayed in touch with

1205
00:46:27,690 --> 00:46:29,300
people. And I bet,

1206
00:46:29,300 --> 00:46:31,400
and this is something I want to tell you,

1207
00:46:31,460 --> 00:46:33,410
I hear this a lot about networking.

1208
00:46:33,810 --> 00:46:40,020
Oh, I want to have great strategies and leverage my contacts.

1209
00:46:40,460 --> 00:46:41,300
Mm, yeah,

1210
00:46:41,300 --> 00:46:41,930
I've heard that.

1211
00:46:42,360 --> 00:46:47,610
And I find that reprehensible because really what you want to

1212
00:46:47,610 --> 00:46:50,850
do is let people know what you do.

1213
00:46:51,150 --> 00:46:54,870
But you also want to be the person that people want

1214
00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:56,190
to know.

1215
00:46:56,450 --> 00:46:57,950
So you're gonna have to be,

1216
00:46:58,010 --> 00:47:00,710
and I know this is going to sound extremely old school,

1217
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:01,720
cool. Everywhere,

1218
00:47:01,720 --> 00:47:03,340
just be nice to people.

1219
00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:04,450
Think about it,

1220
00:47:04,450 --> 00:47:06,580
make them feel comfortable with you.

1221
00:47:06,950 --> 00:47:10,280
What that woman told me in Hawaii has served me for

1222
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:11,900
the longest time,

1223
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:14,140
and you build a network from there.

1224
00:47:14,360 --> 00:47:18,860
You don't want anyone in your network that gives you agita

1225
00:47:18,890 --> 00:47:20,990
and makes you feel like you're going to have an ulcer

1226
00:47:20,990 --> 00:47:22,850
attack and you will never,

1227
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:24,140
I've told this to people,

1228
00:47:24,140 --> 00:47:26,930
when I refer a speaker to an organization,

1229
00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:28,180
I say to them,

1230
00:47:28,270 --> 00:47:33,040
I'm only people who not only have the expertise to speak

1231
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:34,120
about this area,

1232
00:47:34,460 --> 00:47:37,250
but who you'll enjoy working with.

1233
00:47:37,660 --> 00:47:39,520
I never recommend.

1234
00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:42,460
And anyone who isn't Elser creator.

1235
00:47:43,150 --> 00:47:45,490
Yeah. So I think that woman that,

1236
00:47:45,490 --> 00:47:46,090
you know,

1237
00:47:46,150 --> 00:47:48,620
that's what happens and people will say,

1238
00:47:48,620 --> 00:47:50,300
but I work harder than she does.

1239
00:47:50,550 --> 00:47:52,290
But you don't have the relationships.

1240
00:47:52,380 --> 00:47:54,690
It's all relationships.

1241
00:47:55,040 --> 00:47:56,900
It all comes back to relationships.

1242
00:47:56,990 --> 00:47:58,220
You're totally right.

1243
00:47:58,580 --> 00:48:00,440
Susan, we could go on and keep talking.

1244
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:02,720
I know you probably have a million other stories,

1245
00:48:02,720 --> 00:48:04,940
but I'm sure you have other things that you need to

1246
00:48:04,940 --> 00:48:05,510
do today.

1247
00:48:05,540 --> 00:48:07,580
I'm getting my hair colored in an hour.

1248
00:48:07,580 --> 00:48:10,730
If you don't think that's an important thing in my week.

1249
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:11,660
Oh my God.

1250
00:48:12,380 --> 00:48:13,730
Well secret is,

1251
00:48:13,730 --> 00:48:15,530
I have an appointment this afternoon as well.

1252
00:48:15,530 --> 00:48:16,400
So how about that?

1253
00:48:17,270 --> 00:48:18,770
Seriously. I'm not kidding.

1254
00:48:19,190 --> 00:48:20,840
See what we just did.

1255
00:48:21,090 --> 00:48:23,280
We revealed a little something.

1256
00:48:23,370 --> 00:48:24,690
Truth about our life.

1257
00:48:25,020 --> 00:48:27,000
Connected. Shared a laugh.

1258
00:48:27,510 --> 00:48:29,370
Yeah. What you think that does.

1259
00:48:29,370 --> 00:48:32,240
So don't be afraid to share some things,

1260
00:48:32,240 --> 00:48:33,680
but like as one woman said to me,

1261
00:48:33,680 --> 00:48:36,110
my son was in juvie for the weekend and I never

1262
00:48:36,110 --> 00:48:37,310
shared that with anyone.

1263
00:48:39,050 --> 00:48:42,740
Yeah. It endears you and it's okay to also share weaknesses,

1264
00:48:42,740 --> 00:48:43,700
I think too.

1265
00:48:43,700 --> 00:48:43,960
I mean,

1266
00:48:43,970 --> 00:48:45,860
it doesn't have to be all Bravo.

1267
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:46,940
Oh yes.

1268
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:48,380
If you are vulnerable.

1269
00:48:48,410 --> 00:48:51,350
I think that's one of the things that people find attractive

1270
00:48:51,350 --> 00:48:53,730
in people when they are vulnerable.

1271
00:48:53,980 --> 00:48:55,180
That's not my skill.

1272
00:48:55,180 --> 00:48:56,380
I really don't know about it.

1273
00:48:56,410 --> 00:48:58,030
I'm really a bad techie.

1274
00:48:58,320 --> 00:48:59,760
I may be great at social media,

1275
00:48:59,760 --> 00:49:01,530
but Sue knows when it comes to,

1276
00:49:01,560 --> 00:49:02,070
Oh my God,

1277
00:49:02,070 --> 00:49:03,840
how do I get the microphone into this?

1278
00:49:03,990 --> 00:49:05,010
It doesn't quite work.

1279
00:49:05,240 --> 00:49:05,930
But you know what?

1280
00:49:06,130 --> 00:49:07,600
When you share vulnerability,

1281
00:49:07,630 --> 00:49:08,200
you never know.

1282
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:10,000
You could be talking to the person that says,

1283
00:49:10,030 --> 00:49:11,080
Oh, I know how to do that.

1284
00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:11,830
Let me help you.

1285
00:49:12,020 --> 00:49:13,980
Oh my cousins can do that.

1286
00:49:13,980 --> 00:49:15,120
Let me introduce you.

1287
00:49:15,390 --> 00:49:16,710
Share vulnerability.

1288
00:49:16,740 --> 00:49:18,960
But I will say this on my tour,

1289
00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:22,260
there is a wonderful sign that says everything about me cause

1290
00:49:22,260 --> 00:49:27,250
it says Martha Stewart doesn't live here.

1291
00:49:27,250 --> 00:49:28,120
That's good.

1292
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:29,920
And we all can't be good at everything.

1293
00:49:29,920 --> 00:49:31,690
And it's crazy to even think you can.

1294
00:49:32,110 --> 00:49:33,340
And I say to people,

1295
00:49:33,340 --> 00:49:37,060
in terms of our makers who are making baking products,

1296
00:49:37,330 --> 00:49:40,870
why would I take business away from someone who can bake

1297
00:49:40,870 --> 00:49:43,870
a bread and make a brownie and try it myself?

1298
00:49:43,870 --> 00:49:44,950
They're trying to make a living.

1299
00:49:44,980 --> 00:49:46,090
I have to support them.

1300
00:49:46,660 --> 00:49:47,170
Love that.

1301
00:49:47,410 --> 00:49:50,920
Well, you have supported my community in such a wonderful way

1302
00:49:50,920 --> 00:49:55,480
today because the information that you're providing is so good.

1303
00:49:55,510 --> 00:49:56,500
And I told you before,

1304
00:49:56,500 --> 00:49:59,770
I want to motivate everybody to get out there and to

1305
00:49:59,770 --> 00:50:02,290
be in communication with other people.

1306
00:50:02,290 --> 00:50:05,350
See, I'm trying to learn different words to use because it

1307
00:50:05,350 --> 00:50:06,730
can be valuable.

1308
00:50:06,750 --> 00:50:07,690
It's reciprocal.

1309
00:50:07,690 --> 00:50:09,100
It can be valuable to both.

1310
00:50:09,380 --> 00:50:10,730
Now Susan,

1311
00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:13,460
I'd like to present you with a virtual gift.

1312
00:50:13,640 --> 00:50:18,770
It's a magical box containing unlimited possibilities for your future and

1313
00:50:18,770 --> 00:50:19,970
what comes next.

1314
00:50:20,150 --> 00:50:23,270
So this is your dream or your goal of almost unreachable

1315
00:50:23,270 --> 00:50:24,890
Heights that you'd wished to obtain.

1316
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:28,730
Please accept this gift and it in our presence right here.

1317
00:50:29,030 --> 00:50:30,530
What's inside your box?

1318
00:50:31,060 --> 00:50:33,790
I was hoping it would be five pounds less,

1319
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:35,770
but that is not what you could give me as a

1320
00:50:35,770 --> 00:50:37,510
gift. I got to do that on my own.

1321
00:50:37,760 --> 00:50:40,220
What would be in my box and I actually thought about

1322
00:50:40,220 --> 00:50:42,380
it. What would be in my box?

1323
00:50:42,380 --> 00:50:46,150
Cause this is what's important to me would be the airplane

1324
00:50:46,150 --> 00:50:51,160
and train tickets so I could visit face to face around

1325
00:50:51,160 --> 00:50:54,700
the country and a world with the people who are in

1326
00:50:54,700 --> 00:50:59,760
my life who are just one hug or plane ride away.

1327
00:51:00,060 --> 00:51:01,080
That's the first thing.

1328
00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:03,030
I'm a big believer in that.

1329
00:51:03,030 --> 00:51:06,180
In fact I was speaking in Nashville and I said,

1330
00:51:06,180 --> 00:51:07,140
Oh I'm in the neighborhood.

1331
00:51:07,140 --> 00:51:10,110
I better go to Charlotte and visit my adopted family.

1332
00:51:10,370 --> 00:51:13,910
So I think the face to face that would be helped

1333
00:51:13,910 --> 00:51:14,660
by plane ticket.

1334
00:51:14,660 --> 00:51:15,920
That would be in my box.

1335
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:17,060
That would be one thing.

1336
00:51:17,520 --> 00:51:22,230
The other thing that would really be important to me is

1337
00:51:22,560 --> 00:51:27,090
having in my box the certificate of good health,

1338
00:51:27,510 --> 00:51:33,030
the good health certificate because so little matters if one does

1339
00:51:33,030 --> 00:51:34,260
not have good health.

1340
00:51:34,770 --> 00:51:35,010
And I,

1341
00:51:35,010 --> 00:51:36,210
luckily I think I have it.

1342
00:51:36,210 --> 00:51:38,790
I'm knocking out more cause I'm superstitious,

1343
00:51:38,910 --> 00:51:41,700
but I think a good health certificate and that really means

1344
00:51:41,700 --> 00:51:44,430
that all of us that have our own businesses and our

1345
00:51:44,430 --> 00:51:48,510
own practices that we really need to make sure that we're

1346
00:51:48,690 --> 00:51:50,130
exercising, eating right,

1347
00:51:50,160 --> 00:51:53,530
don't do the things that don't help us and stay in

1348
00:51:53,530 --> 00:51:54,100
good health.

1349
00:51:54,130 --> 00:51:56,590
Because when you see someone that doesn't have it,

1350
00:51:56,590 --> 00:51:58,510
you appreciate it so much better.

1351
00:51:58,800 --> 00:52:00,000
Yeah, you sure do.

1352
00:52:00,100 --> 00:52:02,760
Then you have to remember and appreciate it every day when

1353
00:52:02,760 --> 00:52:03,360
you do have it.

1354
00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:03,960
For sure.

1355
00:52:04,380 --> 00:52:07,970
Yeah, and I think the third thing in my box,

1356
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:10,610
because this is how I make my living and this is

1357
00:52:10,610 --> 00:52:15,210
what I love doing and that is invitations to be hired

1358
00:52:15,210 --> 00:52:17,160
to speak at conferences,

1359
00:52:17,190 --> 00:52:18,750
organizations, meetings,

1360
00:52:18,750 --> 00:52:23,540
universities. It's schools because to me spreading the word,

1361
00:52:23,570 --> 00:52:27,020
which I've done for over three decades of how we can

1362
00:52:27,020 --> 00:52:27,890
meet, mingle,

1363
00:52:27,890 --> 00:52:29,270
become mingling mavens,

1364
00:52:29,330 --> 00:52:34,640
overcome our shyness adapter introversion into a way that works for

1365
00:52:34,640 --> 00:52:38,120
us and make friends because ultimately Sue,

1366
00:52:38,210 --> 00:52:41,270
all the research shows the people that live longer,

1367
00:52:41,270 --> 00:52:45,470
healthier lives are the people who have friends and relationships.

1368
00:52:46,180 --> 00:52:48,760
Well said and I've heard that research too.

1369
00:52:49,030 --> 00:52:50,580
You're right Susan,

1370
00:52:50,700 --> 00:52:52,110
thank you so,

1371
00:52:52,110 --> 00:52:53,910
so much for being here today.

1372
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:56,910
If our listeners want to know more about you,

1373
00:52:56,910 --> 00:52:58,410
where would you direct them to go?

1374
00:52:58,560 --> 00:53:01,500
My website is Susan rowan.com

1375
00:53:01,650 --> 00:53:06,270
S U S a N R O a N e.com.

1376
00:53:06,530 --> 00:53:09,350
You can also get to it by going to how to

1377
00:53:09,350 --> 00:53:10,610
work a room.com.

1378
00:53:10,890 --> 00:53:11,910
Thank you so much.

1379
00:53:11,910 --> 00:53:12,390
And Susan,

1380
00:53:12,390 --> 00:53:14,940
I really think that we've accomplished what we set out to

1381
00:53:14,940 --> 00:53:15,630
do today.

1382
00:53:15,950 --> 00:53:18,020
We had our objective in the beginning and I think we

1383
00:53:18,020 --> 00:53:18,650
landed it.

1384
00:53:18,710 --> 00:53:19,430
What do you think?

1385
00:53:19,890 --> 00:53:23,130
I would agree and I think this cause you and I

1386
00:53:23,130 --> 00:53:24,900
are so much on the same page,

1387
00:53:25,130 --> 00:53:28,490
we just want everyone listening in your community to know that

1388
00:53:28,490 --> 00:53:32,300
the sooner and the more often you do the face to

1389
00:53:32,300 --> 00:53:37,320
face, I think the quicker and the more valuable your business

1390
00:53:37,320 --> 00:53:38,040
will grow.

1391
00:53:38,690 --> 00:53:40,610
I don't even want to say anything more.

1392
00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:42,920
I want to end it there because that was the best

1393
00:53:42,920 --> 00:53:44,750
final statement that you could give.

1394
00:53:44,990 --> 00:53:46,220
Susan, thank you so much.

1395
00:53:46,220 --> 00:53:47,960
I really appreciate your time today.

1396
00:53:48,780 --> 00:53:53,490
Pleasure. Are you discouraged because your business is not performing as

1397
00:53:53,490 --> 00:53:54,390
you had envisioned?

1398
00:53:54,650 --> 00:53:57,660
Are you stuck and confused about how to turn things around?

1399
00:53:57,960 --> 00:54:01,710
Sue's new best selling book is structured to help you identify

1400
00:54:01,710 --> 00:54:05,190
where the holes are in your business and show you exactly

1401
00:54:05,280 --> 00:54:06,150
how to fix them.

1402
00:54:06,420 --> 00:54:09,420
You'll learn from Sue and owners just like you who are

1403
00:54:09,420 --> 00:54:14,460
seeing real growth and are living their dream maker to master

1404
00:54:14,640 --> 00:54:18,030
find and fix what's not working in your small business.

1405
00:54:18,360 --> 00:54:21,450
Get it on Amazon or through www.

1406
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Doug gift biz,