Are you easily offended?

Today's episode, we're going to talk about how our ego gets in the way and how we can perceive something about someone or what they've said and how it oftentimes causes feeling of a conflicted heart instead of feeling calm and peace and love.

So we're going to dig into how do we flip the script on this and shift things so that we aren't showing up in the world as if it's us against everyone else or against our day or our boss or our schedules.

Welcome to Faithfield Living, the podcast that equips you to live well spiritually, emotionally, physically, and purposefully.

Each week we'll dive into conversations and biblical truths to help you strengthen your faith, pursue meaningful work, care for your whole self, and live in line with what matters most.

Maybe you can relate to one of the following.

Two of your friends go out to lunch and you didn't get an invite, and you just have all sorts of feelings towards that.

Or your boss sends you an email and it just makes you so upset, you're just not even sure how to process the frustration that you feel from the words that he just sent you.

Or maybe your spouse just did it again.

They gave you that look and they said something to you in a tone that absolutely just sent you over the edge.

You're just so frustrated you don't even want to talk to them.

We've probably all been in one of these circumstances, but as I continue to just dive into my faith and really do some work on myself and where my heart is set, I realized that often it's our ego that's getting in the way, right?

It's the.

It's the story we're telling ourselves about the situation or the words that were said, or the reason someone didn't respond, or they didn't respond the way we expected them to respond, or we got passed over, right, for a promotion, we didn't get the job.

And so today we're going to dig into some scripture around this, but we're also going to talk about what are some applicable questions that you can ask yourself to try to filter what happens to you in your day through a new lens that maybe will help you not let your circumstances, your environment, or the words people say have such a hold on you.

And here's the thing.

We're all human, so this is not always easy, right?

Because often we have people.

We think we have people's best interest at heart, but we are coming from a place of us, and so often we can perceive something or interpret something in a certain way.

And a lot of that has to do with our past experiences, our past situations, and just how we show up in the world.

So the first scripture that I want to share with you is Philippians 2:3.

And it says do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind, regard one another as more important than yourselves.

Now isn't that easier said than done sometimes.

And actually I'm recording this, let's see, on the second day of Lent and I'm going through, besides doing my normal morning devotional or Bible study, I'm also doing a 40 day prayer challenge during Lent.

And actually it's been really helpful.

But it's, you know, talking about all the things that we are to focus on during Lent.

But it's humility, deepening our faith, giving right to the church and of ourselves.

It is getting our hearts right, right with the Lord and you know, so many other things.

There's aspect of fasting and everything else in there as well.

But I say that because that scripture, Philippians 2:3 is so good and it's so powerful, especially every day, but especially during Lent as well as we kind of want to get ourselves re centered, if you will.

Okay, so I gave you some of those examples that you could potentially relate to at least one of them.

And in the devotional reading today by Priscilla Priscilla Schreier, she's talking about ego and she's explaining that.

And then she says, ego monster pokes through a tiny crevice in our soul's lockbox, creating just, just enough space for the whole devastating ogre to eventually emerge.

Then when we are offended at being overlooked or outperformed or underappreciated in some way, it lurches towards the surface, showing up in our fur, furrowed brow and pasted on grin.

How dare someone else receive what we deserve?

How dare we not be selected for the position when we're so much more capable or qualified?

Or we can go on with that and say how?

Why weren't we selected?

Or why would my boss say that about me?

I'm working so hard.

Can't he or she see that like in other words, the story we're telling ourselves, the story our ego's telling us is we should be offended.

Right?

And I think the problem is we need to figure out how do we shift that story in those feelings so that we're less offendable.

And there's even a book called Unoffended or Undefendable.

Because if we're going to be more like Christ.

We have to figure out how to wrestle with our ego and not let it come to the surface.

So I also want to share with you a very common scripture that most of us have all heard many times, and I can just find it here.

Okay?

It's in Corinthians, of course, it's 1 Corinthians 13, 4 7.

But it says, love is patient and kind.

Love does not envy or boast.

It is not arrogant or rude.

It does not insist on its own way.

It is not irritable or resentful.

It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

And I only read this today.

Yes, a lot of times we've heard it, especially in the context of marriage.

But think about those words.

Are we patient and kind with others?

Are we allowing envy or boast to come forth, to bubble forward?

Are we being arrogant or rude or offended?

Are we insisting that it should be our way or for us?

Or do we get irritated or are we resentful with things people have said or done or circumstances in the way we perceive it?

Once again, does it come down to the truth?

What is true in the circumstance?

What is true in the words?

Is there any truth to it?

Or what are we perceiving in these circumstances?

And so I have four questions for you that are helpful to let us pause, reflect on what was said or what offended us or what's irritated us or whatever it might be, and possibly to shift our perspective or at least to have more grace for people or things people said or maybe somebody ignored us, whatever it might be.

So here's the questions.

Is what I'm thinking or feeling about this person or situation or the words or them ignoring me or, or I feel offended is like, is what they're doing purposely trying to hurt me or cause me any harm?

And if it's not, then the question is, is my feeling or thought about this coming from a place of love or is it coming from a place of lack?

Right?

Like we, we had an expectation, but is our expectation based on something?

Or is it really just that we, our ego is kind of coming to the surface instead of us coming from a place of love?

And then we need to ask ourselves, is my reaction or how I feel or that I feel triggered, do I have the other person's best interest in mind?

And let me explain that.

Of course, part of the ego, right, is trying to protect us, right, Keep us safe.

But it's also.

It also makes us want to, you know, not feel hurt, not feel offended.

And so that's the problem, right?

Like, we want it to keep us safe, but that doesn't mean we want it to cause these other issues in our lives.

So when I say, do I have the other person's best interest in mind?

First of all, I'm not talking about a narcissistic, a toxic relationship here.

We're talking about just everyday, real life things that happen where we feel some sort of way, right?

Like, not in a great way.

And let's say that two of your girlfriends went out and did something and it just so turns out that they did it, but nobody else got the invite.

But you feel some sort of way, right?

You feel FOMO or you just feel a little bit like, well, I would have wanted to go, right?

You just.

And so you feel kind of like bad or sad about it.

But if you ask yourself, like, was it good for them?

Maybe those two need to catch up, Maybe they need to talk about something.

Maybe they happen to run into each other and just decided to get coffee.

So what I would go in that circumstance, I give myself a minute to be like, boohoo me, right?

But then I'd say, is what they did, like, did it actually hurt me or did it.

Did it have anything to do with me?

And normally, no, it doesn't.

And then I say, is my feeling coming from a place of love for them?

Like, do I want the best for them?

And then do I have the other person's best interest in mind?

Because what happens is when we make the situation about us, we make the situation or the feelings more about us than the other person or more about us than understanding the whole context of something, then that's when we start feeling some sort of way.

And so that's why I start asking myself these questions.

Because often I find that I'm just letting myself have a little pity party about something.

And I'm not saying that there aren't times when something should upset us, obviously, but in a lot of times, the things that upset us or bother us are actually not something we should even be putting any effort or time or energy towards.

And then the other question we need to ask ourselves, when maybe we get feedback or we get told something, or maybe somebody doesn't give us the response we expect, or let's say a boss example, we get feedback that feels negative, right?

Or it feels personal and we're thinking, like, I thought I was doing a good job, so we need to say to ourselves, am I giving the person the benefit of the doubt?

Meaning am I thinking the worst in what they said or the way I read what they said or the way I took their comment?

That could be about our spouses, it can be about our parents, it can be about a co worker, can be about a boss.

But we have to start reflecting on things.

We have to start saying, hold on, what's the story I keep telling myself, you know, that whole, is it them against me?

Is it, Are they always like making a jab at me?

Or is it actually not that?

Are we not even open to feedback or are we not even open to hear what they're saying?

Because we immediately get defensive or we immediately get offended.

And so really what we're talking about today is how do we soften our hearts to just show up in love instead of showing up from a place of being easily offended or hurt.

And once again, I am not saying that we're not going to navigate trauma and hurt and other things in our lives.

We are.

And I'm not saying that there aren't some of those things that are serious and they're huge and people can, obviously people can actually hurt us.

I'm talking about the everyday little things like you, you text someone and don't hear back from them for days and you're thinking, like, why didn't they respond to me?

So I'm talking about those everyday moments, those everyday conversations, those things that just kind of get under our skin.

So I'm not talking about the big and serious things, I'm not talking about abusive things here.

I'm just talking about those daily things that happen or weekly things or monthly things that happen to us that we just let, like I said, get under our skin.

We let them frazzle us.

But then we end up spending so much energy on some of this stuff.

It takes our focus off of how we're showing up in that day.

How can we be of service, how can we be loving, how can we be kind?

Instead it puts it back on us.

And the problem with that is every time it's about us.

Like when I say us, I mean we want to have, we want to have things for self care and rest and all of this.

But I'm talking about we don't want our external circumstances, the things people say about us to cause serious angst in our lives because we are going to lose sight of what's truly important, what our priorities are.

We are going to forget that every day we want to actually partner with God and say, lord, how can you use me?

I want to be used.

I want to be of service.

Because when we set our sights on that, instead of being so easily offended, everything changes, right?

We stop letting circumstances have control over us.

We stop letting things that happen around us.

We stop letting them feel like they're happening to us.

And we start looking at how we can show up in the world and be more Christlike.

And so I just share this with you today because I actually had a conversation, two different conversations this week with friends.

And, you know, one of them was hoping to hear back from someone that they knew and they hadn't yet, and they've.

They were wondering if it was that the person was.

Didn't like the feedback or, you know, so they didn't really know what was going on.

But, you know, we talked through some of this stuff and, you know, like, let's give people the benefit of the doubt, right?

Maybe they're busy.

Maybe they're.

They're.

They're just kind of cluttered, right?

Or they have boundaries and they just haven't gotten to it.

And I was talking to another friend, and they were kind of super stressed out about a potential circumstance coming up, that it's out of their control.

But once again, yes, we want to address things.

Yes, we want to be informed, but we don't want it to fester.

We don't want to everything to become about the thing or, like, this is going to become horrible.

And, right?

Like, we spin a story about stuff instead of saying, like, can we do anything about it?

Is it out of our control?

Right?

Like, in other words, start looking at things for what they are and not the story that we're telling ourselves.

And so this is really important.

And yet it takes work to get to a place where when you find yourself triggered, when you find yourself getting offended or upset or frustrated, that we pause long enough to say, like, hold on.

What's behind this feeling?

What's behind my reaction?

What's my part in this whole situation?

Or in the words?

Or what am I.

What am I telling myself about someone's lack of a response or response or what they said?

Am I misunderstanding them?

And I've had this happen with friends, too.

I have said something to a friend, nothing to be like a positive comment, but they didn't understand what I meant by it.

Maybe it was like it was not my normal language.

Like I said something a little bit different, but instead of them asking me to clarify, like, I don't understand what you mean by that, I think they just wondered something and so that's the other thing we don't want to assume, right?

What?

I forget that saying, like, if you assume, it makes an, you know, ass.

An ass out of you and me.

But let's not make assumptions about each other either, or our intentions.

If we're not clear on something, let's either give them the benefit of doubt and show up with having everyone's best interest at heart and show up from a place of love.

Or we just need to directly but kindly ask someone to clarify what they meant.

Because often things are just a misunderstanding.

It's not that the person was trying to hurt you or upset you or whatever it might be.

Now, some people aren't good at delivery either.

And so once again, let's have a little grace for that as well.

So really, I just hope that you'll go and show up in the world and you'll just take a little more time to step back from situations or words or what people said or didn't say to you and think about how could I perceive this different?

Am I actually spinning this into something more than it is or was meant to be?

Or did the person really intend to make me feel this way?

Or am I putting something into this?

So that's it for today.

It was just on my heart to share.

Is there ego getting in the way?

And so it's just something to start working on, something to reflect on.

Because it's just like our thoughts.

It takes time to start shifting our thoughts and changing what we're thinking about.

This is one of those things as well.

It takes time to work on saying to our ego, like, no, thank you, buddy.

Like, let's let me feel the feeling and then let me release it or let me understand what's behind it.

So until next time, I hope you have a great week.

All right.

I hope today's episode just reminds you of how powerful your words and thoughts are and how much they impact the world that you see your reality, but also impact the life you're living and your mind.

Body or mind.

Yeah, mind, body and spirit.

All right.

So I also want to remind you, if you haven't already joined my community, head over to KristinFitch.com and a perfect download, if you haven't grabbed it already, is my joy rising with worksheet.

It's basically a daily gratitude worksheet, but beyond gratitude.

It lets you reflect on where was God present in your day to day or where was he moving in your life.

And then it also has you recognize where were there parts or moments of joy in your life, right?

The God, fruit of the spirit joy.

And when we focus on those things, just like we talked about today, we're going to reap more of that.

We're going to see more of that, because that's what we have our eyes set on.

So.

So, like I said, go to KristenFitch.com, go to my workbook section, and you can grab the Joy Rising download if you enjoyed today's episode.

If you could leave a rating review on Apple Podcast or wherever you listen to podcasts, it helps the show get discovered by more people so that we can continue to uplift and encourage people in their faith journey as well as all of the other parts of their lives.