Hello, and welcome back to the show.

My name's Sam, and this is the Lonely Chapter Podcast.

Today's episode, it is going to be released on Christmas week.

So something I've done is I've gone back through all of the episodes from this year, 20, 25, and at the end of each episode, I leave a question.

So the question comes from the guest, and it's for you, the listener, to go away and start a conversation with someone around something that you've heard in that topic.

What I've done today is I've thrown all of those episode numbers into a random number generator and picked out 10 random questions based on those episodes before I get into the episode very, very quickly.

It's Christmas time.

The only thing I want for Christmas is for you to subscribe or follow the show wherever you're listening or watching.

It really, really helps the show grow.

That's all I'm asking for and onto the episode.

Thank you.

So, to start off, I just want to quickly lay the backgrounds of what these questions are.

If you've ever listened to one of my episodes, you realize that my last question of every, every episode to the guest is asking them to leave a question for the listener.

Now, I do this because I listen to podcasts, and the thing I love about podcasts and the reason why I went to start my own podcast is because I enjoyed listening to what was in the episode and going away and starting a conversation with someone regarding that topic.

So the way I like to do this is, yeah, through asking the guests for a question, they give the question, and then I hope that the listener takes that away.

So, as I said, randomly selected.

So these are from a varied range of episodes, but only ones from this year.

And, yeah, let's get into it.

Question one comes from episode 80 with Polina Davy.

She's a spiritual artist working in the realms of sacred geometry.

Really interesting.

Very spiritual episode.

Go and have a listen.

Her question at the end was very, very simple, do you live?

And she added onto that after saying, do you live?

In a way, there are no limits.

I suppose this question depends on your definition of living, but I'd like to say yes.

I think doing the podcast, I think I'm living.

I'm trying things, I'm trying different sports that interest me.

I try to be a good friend and social.

And the reason I hesitate is because I think I've been not as good as.

Not as good as that recently.

I think with the podcast, definitely in the first year of doing it, I found it a lot harder Trying to fit in time and getting a schedule down.

And I think I'm just about getting there now.

But we are now over a year and a half in, so I would like to hope that that is happening and hopefully looking into 2026, I am going to find a better balance with it.

But do I live?

Yeah, I think so.

I try and move my body, I try and use my body, try and bring it to its potential.

I don't.

I follow what interests me in the moment.

So a few years ago I was doing a lot of triathlon, distance stuff.

I'm doing a marathon this year coming up, but I've also done a year now just focusing on just getting back in the gym, being more weight spaced, and that's been interesting me.

So that's been fun.

But, yeah, interesting to see where I go in the next few years and just following what interests me in the moment.

So do I live?

Yeah, I think so.

Question number two comes from episode 77, and that's with Stephanie Nicoletti.

So she was a relationships coach and it was all about finding the one within a year and how, how to do that.

Her question was this.

Who are you at your core?

Not just looks, not just job.

Who are you at your core?

So this is an interesting one for me because it's something that I've been speaking about for the last, don't know, 20, maybe 30 episodes.

Whenever I.

Whenever I can creep it in, I do.

But I've spoken about this whole thing about identity a lot.

And you've got identity versus identify.

So there's one letter difference, but the difference in actual meaning is massive.

So what we do a lot of the time is we have things that we use as our personal identity.

So we'll often say, what do you do?

And that's like what we do for work.

And people will use their job as part of their personal identity.

They'll make that them.

And what happens with that is if we lose that thing, whether it's through our own choice or out of our control, it becomes really, really hard because we've lost part of our, our actual identity.

So what I advocate for more is making things.

Sorry, is identifying yourself as things, but not making them part of your personal identity.

So what I mean by that is I work as a firefighter.

If I talk about firefighting as if it is me and I am firefighting, and it's everything that I do that makes it very difficult if I lose that.

If I identify myself as a firefighter but still remain true to my values and know who I am without that, then it's easier if anything may happen along the way.

And that's where I'm getting to in this question, is who are you at your core?

So my core values, there's a lot of things.

Honesty, integrity, bravery, I suppose, is one that would come to mind.

Empathy.

Empathy is a massive one for me.

And I think.

Think my previous volunteering at the Samaritans, that was all part of that and wanting to help people.

I think when I look back at everything I've done in life, even though I didn't notice it at the time, I think things like doing my personal training course and being a personal trainer, working as a firefighter, doing the Samaritans, even doing this podcast, it's all in the aid.

It's all in the hope of helping people.

So I want to be able to help people be better, learn new things and just enjoy it whilst they do it.

So, yeah, I think empathy is a massive one for me.

But, yeah, it'd be interesting for people listening who know me, what they would say about me at my core.

Who knows?

Anyway, I am going to go on to question number three, and question number three comes from episode 60, and that was with Lisa Sugarman.

So Lisa was talking about grief and mental health.

Really interesting episode.

And a lot around how to get those conversations started.

They're really difficult conversations to have around mental health and when people are struggling.

And Lisa was really good at sort of unpacking that for us.

Her question was this.

How can I be more vulnerable in the way that I communicate with the people closest to me, and how can I look after the people around me better?

So she snuck two questions in, but they're both good questions.

So in terms of me being more vulnerable in the way I communicate, it's something I've got better at.

And again, I think it's something that you just have to do.

It's never going to be comfortable.

Um, but definitely, since I've been with my girlfriend, I've learned a lot about being more vulnerable, being more emotionally intelligent.

And by no means am I the finished product or anywhere near it, but I think I've improved massively since I met her, so that's helped a lot.

I can be more vulnerable.

I've just got to basically do it.

I've got to overcome that fear of talking to people and not talking to people, but talking to people close to me about things I'm going through and being more open about that.

I think a lot of the time, as we all do we try and protect people from what's actually going on?

Or we think our problems aren't as valid as other people's.

So, yeah, just being a bit more brave in that aspect of things, in terms of looking after people better.

I mentioned this in a recent episode that I did on Men's Health, and I think checking in on people, that's how I can do that better.

I gave the idea in that episode to when you think of someone, if someone pops into your mind, sometimes you're just out walking and you think, oh, I haven't spoken to so and so for so long.

In that moment, just pull out phone, give them a quick text and say, just thought.

Are you?

Hope you're doing well.

Something as simple as that.

And it can get a conversation started and it just lets them know that they are being thought about.

And it doesn't feel staged, it doesn't feel unnecessary, but it's a nice thing to do and it might be the thing that they need in that moment as well.

So they're my answers to that one episode number.

Sorry, question number four comes from episode 82, and that was a recent one with Mark Robinson.

So Mark Robinson is a professional football Coach.

He's coached AFC Wimbledon, Chelsea Under 21s, Burton Albion, and who knows where he's going next, but we think maybe in the new year might be back in the scene.

So keep your eyes peeled, that'd be interesting.

His question was this.

Who did I have a positive impact on today?

And what did that look like?

So today it is the evening when I'm recording this, but I haven't done a lot today.

I've been preparing my Secret Santa, which took way, way longer than it should have.

And I would like to admit.

Um, but also my girlfriend's not well, so I've been trying to look after her on the side of that as well.

But if I was gonna say, who did I have a positive impact on?

I would say her, because I drove her to a hospital doctor's appointment, got the antibiotics and then dropped her back.

So that's some sort of positive impact.

It depends how you frame it, really, isn't it?

Um.

But yeah, specifically today, that's what I'm going with.

Question number five comes from episode 62, and that was with Sveti Rue.

So Sveti has been traveling the world by herself.

So for the last, I think it's about two, three years, she's been traveling alone, going to all these amazing places, meeting all these awesome people while she does it.

And it was A really interesting episode again to learn about that and certain ways that she keeps herself safe as a single female going through certain areas of the world.

But yeah, interesting episode and took a lot away.

Her question was this, what dream have you been stifling?

It's a interesting one.

I don't think I've necessarily been stifling dreams.

I think I've hesitated in taking the next steps of the dream.

So maybe specifically on the podcast front, I have taken a bit longer than I would have liked to decide to be a bit more proactive with certain elements of it.

And I won't go into necessary details, but hopefully in 2026 I'm going to make that change and be a bit more proactive and bring even bigger and better guests and maybe have some great guests back on if there's more to talk about.

And I'm excited to do that.

And I think for a lot of this year I was a bit passive.

So whilst I was still chasing the dream, I suppose if we're using the terminology of this question, I think I've stifled the progress that I could have made.

But I have made progress and I think looking back at the start of this year, massive changes.

And that's what it's all about is you learn as you go.

No one gets it right.

Even at the top, everyone thinks they're rubbish.

So just enjoy the process and it will work out the way it's meant to.

Question number six comes from episode 83 and that was with Zach Sikora.

So that is the most recent episode before this.

Zach was born with spina bifida and that has paralyzed him from the knees down.

So he goes around in a wheelchair and he has been a player and coach for wheelchair tennis to high level.

Also started MMA research recently.

So really inspiring stuff from Zach and we spoke a lot in that episode about some of our favorite quotes.

People like Chris Williamson, Alex Hormozi, obviously both of them came up with the Lonely Chapter, which is the name of this podcast.

Jordan Peterson as well.

So massive influence on me early on in my self development journey and Zach as well.

So it was really cool to speak to him about some of that stuff.

Anyway, his question was what is the craziest thing you've ever done?

And he said he liked this question because you people come up with all sort of different answers because what is crazy, I think for me physically, the thing, the thing is, I think my, maybe one of the craziest moments for me was signing up to like a half ironman because at that time it wasn't what I did.

When I look back at what I then went on to the next year, I did the Rock trilogy, which was three sort of middle distance triathlons across the three peaks of England, Scotland and Wales.

So way harder.

But also I was a bit more trained up for it when I signed up to it, so I knew a bit more what to expect.

So that was quite a crazy moment, signing up for that first one.

I'd say I skydived for the first time on my birthday last year, so February.

And that was awesome.

I loved every moment of it.

And I think people always ask, like, would you bungee jump?

And I'm like, no, that does not interest me at all because I can gauge how far the ground is from me.

I think with a skydive, you're so high up that I can't gauge how high the ground is.

And weirdly, that makes me more comfortable.

So, yeah, I'd like to go and do it again.

I'd like to do it loads more times and maybe try and become able to do it solo.

But we'll see.

Maybe that's a goal for 20, 26 and beyond.

But, yeah, physically, those are the craziest things I've done.

I think also you could categorize this podcast as one of the craziest things I've done.

There's no guarantee of any major success.

There's no.

Well, it depends what you determine as success.

Most people would say, like monetary success, in which the odds are incredibly low.

For me, whatever happens, however far it goes, I've learned so much already that I have no doubt that I will learn so much from it whenever it ends, whenever that is the case.

But for now, I'm really enjoying it.

And I think it was crazy.

I think it was crazy to start this journey.

It was crazy.

It is crazy to put yourself out on the Internet.

Most people don't do it because it's uncomfortable and they hate the sound of their voice or whatever it is.

And there's loads of elements to that.

But I've really, really enjoyed it.

So, yeah, I'd say that that is quite crazy.

Depends how you look at it.

Anyway, I'd be interested to know what's the craziest thing that you've ever done listening.

Let me know down below.

Question number seven is episode 41, so early on this year, and that came from Danny Turner.

So Dan has started up beyond the Clippers, which is he's a barber and.

And he's trying to bring mental health into the barbershop space.

So it's a really nice time where men are able to sit down, have a chat with their barber.

And he's trying to encourage barbers to be more comfortable about going into that space of mental health.

He's been through it before on both sides.

He's been a barber where people have suddenly opened up and maybe he didn't know what to say originally, but now he's learning that stuff.

He's also been through it himself in terms of mental, mentally.

So, yeah, really insightful episode.

And he's.

Since that episode, like I said, that was the start of this year.

Since that episode, he's done really, really well.

He's been to shows, he's been on stage doing stuff, and he started to branch out to loads of.

Loads of barbershops.

So fair play.

Danny doing well.

Danny's question was, have you ever been to a barber shop and wanted to open up but not felt able to?

For me personally, no.

But maybe that's more the barber shops that I've been to, I would say broadening that, like, to beyond.

Are there times where you've wanted to open up but not felt able to?

Definitely.

And I think everyone listening will sort of feel that.

Feel that place.

I think whether that's.

You don't feel like you can open up to this person because they've been through something way worse and you're comparing yourself, for the record, don't feel that way.

Everything is relative and you have to take everyone's issues at face value because to them, it could be the equivalent of you going through something much, much worse.

Also with this, there's the element of when you want to open up, but maybe just as you start to, the person that you're trying to open up to doesn't have the tools to listen properly.

And what I've been.

What I mean by that is when someone's opening up to you, the best thing you can do is just sit there silently and listen and listen to what they're saying and reflect those words back onto them and use the words they use to ask more questions.

So if someone was saying, oh, I've been finding it really tough recently, I've really been struggling day to day.

You can go back to them and say, well, tell me a bit about what your day to day looks like.

What does that struggling feel like?

And then you can sort of dig into those little aspects.

And it's a really useful thing that I learned from the Samaritans.

And unfortunately, not a lot of people do That a lot of people from a really good place and from well meaning places will hear you say that and then try and find a solution.

They'll try and find the answers for you, they'll try and help you get through it, which is brilliant and it's lovely of them.

But in that moment, if someone hands you the answer straight away, there's no power in that.

The power comes from someone else encouraging you to find the answers yourself.

And if you find the answer yourself, that's empowering, you feel like you've actually done it.

You feel like you've found out how to get out of that moment.

So, yeah, those skills, definitely, that everyone would be useful in learning.

But yeah, there's been times where I've tried to open up and then someone's just tried to fix it straight away and, or even maybe told me about something they've gone through that's the same.

And then that just puts me off going further because then I just feel like, oh, they've been through it, whatever.

So, yeah, that's, it's quite an interesting one and I've obviously broadened it from barbershops because I think that's very niche.

But yeah, definitely.

Episode 71 gave us question eight, which comes from Jamie Ryder.

Jamie is an author on philosophy.

So various different philosophies, Western Eastern philosophies.

He was teaching me about new philosophies that I've not heard of before, philosophers that I've not heard of before.

And it's, yeah, again, really cool episode.

Some nice little takeaways and like practical advice as well.

Jamie asked, how do you stay well?

And he said to go a bit deeper, to actually say what you get out of those things.

So for me, going to the gym, massively, I broaden that, I suppose to exercising.

So exercising for me gives me like the running.

So when I run, I don't run with headphones on.

That gives me a bit of peace and quiet, a bit of time to think and reflect about what I'm going through.

Very rarely do I run with music because I think in every other aspect of my life I'm listening to something.

If I'm driving, I'm listening to a podcast or I'm listening to music.

When I'm at the gym, I'm listening to music or a podcast.

So when I'm running, it's my chance to go, nope, this time you're actually going in silence and there's no choice because you don't take your phone.

And yeah, I really enjoy that.

That sort of tranquility moment and that reflection, opportunity, the gym.

I mean, moving your body, lifting heavy weights is lovely.

Like the feeling you get afterwards, it's just, it's brilliant.

And it's been part of my routine for so long Now, I think 13 years or so, that without it I don't feel right.

So for me, going to the gym is like my constant.

If things aren't going well, if things are a bit off, going to the gym is my constant.

That keeps me like, keeps me well, to use the question.

So two more questions to go.

So I've got 10 of these.

Episode nine is with Lauren Chapelhow and that was episode 53.

And Lauren's a Pilates instructor and does a lot of Reformer Pilates.

Went to one of her classes, first ever Reformer Pilates.

Really, really good, really intense.

And it's definitely changed my perspective on that.

But yeah, we had a great conversation around Pilates and about how it sort of broadens into life.

So give that a listen.

Said that about all of them, probably this whole episode.

But yeah, give them all a listen.

They're all great in my opinion.

Her question was, what would your wellness journey look like if it was rooted in care rather than comparison?

So I don't think I necessarily compare.

That's something that I managed to stop doing when I first came off social media.

I came off social media for a few years before starting the podcast and that was probably because of comparison.

I followed a lot of sports persons, I follow a lot of bodybuilding stuff and I would find myself comparing my body to theirs and it just wasn't healthy.

So I quit that and I made a more performance based training as opposed to looks based.

And I found that helped massively.

If my journey was more rooted in care, I think I'd probably give myself a bit more time to myself to look after my body.

So I do a lot of exercise, but not a lot of relaxation and a lot of maybe rehab exercise.

I don't necessarily do a lot of like sauna stuff.

Stretching, stretching is a massive one that I need to get back into.

I need to start caring for myself by doing that.

That's definitely, definitely true.

But yeah, I think I would give myself more time to do regenerating exercise if that makes sense.

Stuff that's going to make me more energized and not stuff that just blasts me for that session and then I'm tired.

So that's what I would do.

Last question, episode 70 with Jeffrey Reynolds.

So Jeffrey was doing triathlons.

He did his first iron Man.

And within a couple of weeks, sorry, I think a few months, he was diagnosed with cancer, serious cancer.

And he got another cancer maybe a year or two later.

And yeah, it was onto that whole thing of the mental strain of that, like being from the top, being doing Iron Mans to there, but he's got back to doing them.

So really inspirational story again.

His question was, what did you do today that scared you?

Like I said for one of the earlier questions, I haven't done a lot today because of various reasons, so I don't know whether I've done anything today that scared me.

Something I've done recently, within the last week is, again, talking of the podcast side of things, is commit to change going forward.

So committing to changing my practices, to becoming more efficient, to leveling up who I'm reaching out to and how I'm doing that in a way that I can still maintain because there's a lot of work that goes on behind the scenes of the podcast, which I don't think I appreciated before starting.

But, yeah, I've learned a lot.

And I think that scared me to take that step.

And whilst I haven't necessarily done it yet, I've committed to doing it and I've got some accountability.

Someone's gonna be checking in with me.

So I'm excited for that.

I'm excited to take that next step and do that.

But it does scare me as well because there's the potential of me reaching out to people who I've wanted to speak to for ages.

Them saying no, them saying yes.

And that's scary as well, because then I've got to sit down with people and have these conversations and try and not fangirl or whatever it is.

But, yeah, that's.

That's something that I've committed to this week and I'm not going to drag it on anymore.

That is question 10 done.

And with that, the episode.

So when this goes out, I think it's going to be the week of Christmas.

So my last message to you is, have a wonderful Christmas.

Relax, be with friends and family and be kind to yourself.

Eat.

Eat more food if you want to, but just be kind to your body.

And, yeah, just try and enjoy it.

Try and be present.

I think a lot of the time we are on holiday, we get a bit of time off work and we're thinking too far ahead and before you know it, you're back at work and it's January and it's still dark outside at 3 o'.

Clock.

So, yeah, be present, enjoy every moment and Merry Christmas.

If you've enjoyed this episode, please share it with someone you think would find some value from it.

If you found any of those questions piqued your interest and if you want to go back I'm going to try and link them all down in the description so you can go through and find the episodes that these questions came from.

All again I would ask is I asked it at the start of the episode.

I'll ask it again.

If you're not already please do follow or share no not follow or share.

Follow or subscribe wherever you are watching or listening that really helps the show grow.

It shows the algorithm that more people are joining along and then it throws out to more people.

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It really helps the show grow.

Lastly from me, thank you for listening.

Stay curious and I will see you in the next one.