00:00:07,380 --> 00:00:09,240

Speaker: Motherhood is all consuming.

00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:18,210

Having babies, nursing, feeling the fear of loving someone that much, and

there's this baby on your chest, and boom, your entire life has changed.

00:00:18,570 --> 00:00:23,640

Speaker 2: It's a privilege of being your child's safest space

and watching your heart walk around outside of your body.

00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:29,910

Speaker 3: The truth is, I can be having the best time

being a mom one minute, and then the next time questioning.

00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,320

My life choices.

00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:46,085

Speaker: I'm Lo Mansfield, your host of the Lo and Behold podcast, mama of four

Littles, former labor and postpartum RN, CLC, and your new best friend in the messy

middle space of all the choices you are making in pregnancy, birth, and motherhood.

00:00:47,165 --> 00:01:01,625

If there is one thing I know after years of delivering babies at the bedside and

then having, and now raising those four of my own, it is that there is no such

thing as a best way to do any of this, and we're leaning into that truth here.

00:01:02,175 --> 00:01:07,605

With the mix of real life and what the textbook

says, expert Insights and Practical Applications.

00:01:07,845 --> 00:01:15,585

Each week we're making our way towards stories that we participate

in, stories that we are honest about, and stories that are ours.

00:01:15,975 --> 00:01:18,375

This is the lo and behold podcast.

00:01:23,466 --> 00:01:24,576

Lo: All right, you guys.

00:01:25,026 --> 00:01:30,471

I. Hesitated or it took me a long time to wanna record this podcast episode.

00:01:30,501 --> 00:01:35,061

I'm gonna share my second birth story with you today, this one happened.

00:01:35,061 --> 00:01:41,571

This baby showed up in just the middle of a lot of really, really hard things.

00:01:41,841 --> 00:01:43,881

I would say that I was.

00:01:44,721 --> 00:01:56,374

Maybe the worst version of myself, not necessarily through my own fault,

but just everything that was going on in my life and that had been going

on in my life prior to that point had just taken everything from me.

00:01:56,374 --> 00:01:59,554

So if you listen to episode one, I share my first birth story.

00:01:59,554 --> 00:02:08,674

And in that birth story you will hear that my mom was kind of dying as I was pregnant

and had gotten diagnosed with cancer, that eventually ended up taking her life.

00:02:08,674 --> 00:02:11,944

And she died when my first daughter was about.

00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:15,144

Four or five months, postpartum, four to five months old.

00:02:15,714 --> 00:02:20,199

And so this baby came on the heels of that, which I would tell you is.

00:02:20,496 --> 00:02:24,276

You know, one of the greatest, the greatest loss of my life at this point.

00:02:24,346 --> 00:02:35,036

And so naturally, especially if you're someone who maybe is also close to your mom, you

maybe understand like how devastating of a loss that can be compounded by the fact that.

00:02:35,126 --> 00:02:37,646

I was trying to learn how to become a mom, right?

00:02:37,646 --> 00:02:53,789

And so to put those two things together, that first postpartum, that first

kind of step into being a mother, combined with this massive, enormous

grief of losing your own mother and walking through that, and then

having to deal with the hard things that come after you lose somebody.

00:02:53,799 --> 00:03:00,309

From, you know, little things like cleaning out closets to the

big things, like acknowledging the reality that they're gone.

00:03:00,427 --> 00:03:01,237

That's where I was.

00:03:01,297 --> 00:03:01,687

Okay.

00:03:01,747 --> 00:03:05,077

And that's like such a dreary picture to paint to start.

00:03:05,077 --> 00:03:14,117

But I think that so much of this second pregnancy and this second birth in

my second postpartum, which I do wanna get into with you as well today, was.

00:03:14,314 --> 00:03:19,804

Overshadowed or overwhelmed by where I was at, where my

body was at, where my head was at, where my heart was at.

00:03:19,804 --> 00:03:30,614

And so I think it's important to understand that when you listen to this story, because

it can sound like, good Lord, what a horrific transition, you know, from one to two or.

00:03:31,379 --> 00:03:36,389

Deciding to have another baby and how hard it was, and

that's really scary for me as I decide to have another baby.

00:03:36,719 --> 00:03:47,148

But I think that kind of idea of transition and when it feels

harder and when things are harder for some of us versus others of

us, that idea is really, impacted by where we're at in our lives.

00:03:47,148 --> 00:03:51,108

It's not just like, oh, it's a lot harder to

have one baby, or two, or three or four or seven.

00:03:51,196 --> 00:03:52,486

It's also about what's going on.

00:03:52,486 --> 00:03:56,506

And so for me and what was going on in my life during all of this transition.

00:03:57,121 --> 00:04:02,401

That I think has been just a huge part of kind of my answer.

00:04:02,431 --> 00:04:04,801

When someone says, Hey, what was your hardest transition?

00:04:04,801 --> 00:04:08,088

Or what, you know, from what to what kid kind of rocked you the most?

00:04:08,088 --> 00:04:12,318

It was this one, but that's not necessarily gonna be true for everyone.

00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:13,038

I think it's just.

00:04:13,368 --> 00:04:17,508

True for me, especially because of all this stuff going on that I just laid out for you.

00:04:17,567 --> 00:04:21,167

I'll tell you, I have written a blog post about this birth.

00:04:21,247 --> 00:04:27,032

I just love to write and so I have put words to the birth process, and I just read it.

00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:28,917

And started crying.

00:04:29,607 --> 00:04:33,147

So if I can get through this podcast episode without crying, it's gonna be a miracle.

00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:34,137

I'm gonna try really, really hard.

00:04:34,187 --> 00:04:45,337

But I think it's kind of, again, just one last little testament of, of how kind

of broken and messy things were for me when this sweet baby came into our lives.

00:04:45,337 --> 00:04:49,284

So this pregnancy was a little bit unexpected.

00:04:49,284 --> 00:04:52,854

And I say that, I always say that kind of like, but not really because.

00:04:53,274 --> 00:04:54,324

I know how babies are made.

00:04:54,324 --> 00:04:58,362

So do you And we had, my first baby was about 1-year-old.

00:04:58,362 --> 00:05:01,122

My mom had died a few months prior, like I just said.

00:05:01,420 --> 00:05:04,900

And we had always thought like, oh, we'll have babies about two years apart, right?

00:05:04,900 --> 00:05:08,440

So this wasn't like wildly close or a huge gap the other way.

00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:14,740

But we thought if we can control this right when we get

pregnant, we'll try to have babies about two months apart.

00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:16,690

I'm sorry, two years apart.

00:05:16,690 --> 00:05:19,300

And so we were at.

00:05:19,930 --> 00:05:23,260

Kind of getting close to that point, but we were not talking about having another baby.

00:05:23,260 --> 00:05:28,030

We were not talking about getting pregnant again, especially

because of everything that I was walking through personally.

00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:31,560

But my period had returned pretty late with my first daughter.

00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:33,720

, Not until about, until she was about 1-year-old.

00:05:33,905 --> 00:05:36,935

And so I'd had one cycle, and you're probably all like, why are you talking about this?

00:05:36,935 --> 00:05:47,265

But it's because I had thought, oh, we'll do the natural family planning

method between, you know, baby number one and hopeful baby number

two, which basically means you just track your cycle and all this.

00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:52,465

The signs of your cycle and all that, and then you

know, when it is safe to have sex and when it is not.

00:05:52,465 --> 00:05:54,849

And so I had thought we could do that.

00:05:54,849 --> 00:06:02,349

However, I'd only had my cycle back for one month, and

so I thought I like had a handle on my cycle being back.

00:06:02,349 --> 00:06:03,939

And well come to find out.

00:06:04,559 --> 00:06:09,509

Raise your hand if you have had a baby and you've realized

that when your cycle first comes back, it's super irregular.

00:06:09,509 --> 00:06:10,499

It can be all over the place.

00:06:10,499 --> 00:06:12,269

It might come back and then go away again.

00:06:12,269 --> 00:06:13,019

And then come back.

00:06:13,202 --> 00:06:15,332

I just hadn't, this is my first time doing this, right?

00:06:15,362 --> 00:06:16,802

'cause I'm postpartum with my first baby.

00:06:16,802 --> 00:06:18,065

And so, I wasn't.

00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:20,530

Totally right about what was going on.

00:06:20,530 --> 00:06:26,535

And so we ended up getting pregnant, which was a huge shock I

think, just 'cause we thought, oh, we've got this figured out.

00:06:26,535 --> 00:06:34,622

And I think also just because we were in that mindset, but I also would

say it was more of a shock for my husband because I was pretty sure.

00:06:35,077 --> 00:06:40,147

What, like knowing what was going on in my body, I was pretty

sure pretty quickly I thought we're gonna get pregnant.

00:06:40,447 --> 00:06:50,537

Like, I started to see the signs and know, and I didn't share that with

him because I didn't wanna like throw something at him or freak him

out, until, until we were, you know, until I was able to take a test.

00:06:50,597 --> 00:06:54,857

And so this was over the Christmas season and I, we flew home for the holidays.

00:06:54,872 --> 00:06:56,725

It was the first holiday without my mom.

00:06:56,725 --> 00:06:59,905

So there was all this, you know, side story of all of that going on.

00:06:59,905 --> 00:07:06,544

And so I just kind of carried around this little

wondering in my head of, I wonder if I'm pregnant again.

00:07:06,604 --> 00:07:08,314

And I didn't wanna take a test.

00:07:08,314 --> 00:07:11,284

This might sound so silly to some people, but I didn't wanna take a test.

00:07:11,314 --> 00:07:19,534

Like I, we were staying at my sister's house and I didn't wanna take a

test like with them or like run to the CVS in Washington and do it there.

00:07:19,534 --> 00:07:21,034

Like I wanted to know.

00:07:21,634 --> 00:07:24,154

Like in my own space and in my own timing.

00:07:24,154 --> 00:07:27,700

And so I said, I'm just gonna wait and take a test, when we get home from Christmas.

00:07:27,992 --> 00:07:34,082

So we got home, flew back to Colorado, took a

test, and lo and behold, yes, I was pregnant.

00:07:34,082 --> 00:07:37,532

But I'm telling you, I really was not shocked at that point because I was so sure.

00:07:37,562 --> 00:07:40,442

But I was thinking, oh, Kelvin's gonna be super surprised.

00:07:40,442 --> 00:07:42,212

This is gonna be quite the little Christmas present.

00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:44,464

So when I told Kel, I think he was a little bit.

00:07:44,834 --> 00:07:47,774

It not, this wasn't this horrible thing, right?

00:07:47,774 --> 00:07:52,454

We obviously, we wanted more children and we were going

to get to the point of having this conversation very soon.

00:07:52,454 --> 00:07:54,914

So I think it was more like, oh, it didn't work.

100

00:07:54,944 --> 00:07:57,494

Like I thought we were gonna do this thing and it was gonna work.

101

00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:58,658

And it was more like, whoops, sorry.

102

00:07:58,658 --> 00:07:59,228

It didn't work.

103

00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:01,316

So we were pregnant again.

104

00:08:01,706 --> 00:08:05,546

And at this point, it was basically the new year.

105

00:08:05,596 --> 00:08:07,156

Our first had turned one.

106

00:08:07,299 --> 00:08:09,249

She was like 13 months old at the time.

107

00:08:09,249 --> 00:08:14,379

So we were looking at, you know, practically

speaking that two under two life was coming for us.

108

00:08:14,422 --> 00:08:18,502

The pregnancy itself was completely uncomplicated.

109

00:08:18,502 --> 00:08:23,272

And I say that with gratitude, of course, I think like most of us do, if we can say that.

110

00:08:23,272 --> 00:08:25,252

But also a little bit of shock.

111

00:08:25,252 --> 00:08:26,992

I think when I look backwards.

112

00:08:27,472 --> 00:08:31,162

It was wild to me and it still is how my body.

113

00:08:31,852 --> 00:08:36,112

Gave everything to the baby that it needed while I literally had.

114

00:08:36,862 --> 00:08:38,932

Nothing to give, if that makes sense.

115

00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:45,336

Like I was the thinnest that I had ever been, this is like post grief, life that I was in.

116

00:08:45,636 --> 00:08:54,726

So I'm kind of shocked I even got pregnant with all the stress

that I was under, but the thinnest I'd ever been, even though I

was postpartum, I was actually still nursing my first daughter.

117

00:08:54,937 --> 00:09:00,546

so I was still in all in that with those hormonal changes that

sometimes, you know, could even keep you from getting pregnant.

118

00:09:00,546 --> 00:09:01,181

I just was not.

119

00:09:01,826 --> 00:09:13,159

Healthy, like mind, body, heart, but my body, which I think is

kind of a really cool testament to how we can kind of still show

up and our bodies give their baby our babies what they need.

120

00:09:13,159 --> 00:09:16,009

And that might take everything from us.

121

00:09:16,009 --> 00:09:16,279

So.

122

00:09:16,589 --> 00:09:18,929

That's another comboo about how we have to be careful with that.

123

00:09:18,929 --> 00:09:28,679

But it's really wild to me to think like, what a miracle that I grew this healthy baby

and had this healthy pregnancy when I would really tell you I was not okay at all.

124

00:09:29,139 --> 00:09:31,299

But the pregnancy was, it was uncomplicated.

125

00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:32,611

This baby tracked on.

126

00:09:32,946 --> 00:09:41,616

Like all the markers, the whole time I felt like I was doing the exact same

thing I'd done, you know, 24 months ago I was gaining the same amount of weight.

127

00:09:41,616 --> 00:09:42,666

I felt the same.

128

00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:44,076

So I felt really good physically.

129

00:09:44,436 --> 00:09:46,536

I was not at the bedside at this point.

130

00:09:46,536 --> 00:09:49,656

I had had to quit my job during my maternity leave.

131

00:09:49,866 --> 00:09:52,841

'cause that was when my mom was really not doing well, and so I couldn't.

132

00:09:53,186 --> 00:10:00,016

And I wasn't able to go back and I got to spend a little bit more

time with her and she with my daughter, until she passed away.

133

00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:05,086

And so I wasn't working at the bedside at this point, but I felt great.

134

00:10:05,086 --> 00:10:11,476

I felt like I did my first pregnancy in terms of, you

know, physically again, mentally, emotionally not okay.

135

00:10:11,476 --> 00:10:14,836

But my body was doing a really beautiful job at growing this baby.

136

00:10:14,996 --> 00:10:19,794

as we got closer to the end, it kind of was like a. All systems go type thing.

137

00:10:19,794 --> 00:10:26,814

Again, I was still seeing my midwives who I had seen in my first birth,

and these are the midwives that I'd worked with up to this point.

138

00:10:27,124 --> 00:10:29,819

Was still planning to deliver at the hospital that I worked with and kind of.

139

00:10:30,136 --> 00:10:39,162

Essentially like recreate the story that I shared with you in episode one of, I wanna

do the same thing, like I want a midwife birth Kelvin's gonna be my support person.

140

00:10:39,192 --> 00:10:47,562

We had taken a birth class, the one I talked about in that first episode, and so Kel was

onboard again with, Hey, we're gonna try and do this a medicated, you and I are a team.

141

00:10:47,562 --> 00:10:54,044

Of course, now we did not have the option of maybe inviting my

mom in, which had been a discussion the first time, and then.

142

00:10:54,494 --> 00:10:57,944

That was unfortunately an option that was taken away from us because of her health.

143

00:10:57,944 --> 00:11:00,764

But it really was just like, all right, it's you and me this time.

144

00:11:01,008 --> 00:11:04,468

so I would say we were very ready, in that regard.

145

00:11:04,468 --> 00:11:08,008

Like we had our education, we felt really comfortable at this point.

146

00:11:08,008 --> 00:11:10,833

We were bringing wisdom forward from the first babies, so we thought like, all right.

147

00:11:11,443 --> 00:11:12,193

We know what to do.

148

00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:15,823

We're gonna do this again, and it's, it's gonna be great.

149

00:11:15,823 --> 00:11:18,493

It really felt like very, we felt very confident.

150

00:11:18,493 --> 00:11:26,666

I would say the one thing that's really different, and if you

have had more than one baby, I think this will resonate with

you, but the idea of going into labor or having the next baby.

151

00:11:27,401 --> 00:11:30,731

When you already have a kiddo at home, now it's kind of a game changer, right?

152

00:11:30,731 --> 00:11:31,691

For your heart.

153

00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:39,591

And I remember the stress of that, like practically

speaking, like who is gonna take care of M while we're gone?

154

00:11:39,591 --> 00:11:41,901

Or if I go into labor in the middle of the night, or what if I go fast?

155

00:11:41,901 --> 00:11:45,046

Like all those things that start coming at you when

you have kids and you're kind of worried about.

156

00:11:45,681 --> 00:11:46,521

Those things.

157

00:11:46,521 --> 00:11:49,881

It's not just like, oh, I'll go into labor and we'll just drive to the hospital.

158

00:11:49,881 --> 00:11:51,141

That is not true anymore.

159

00:11:51,141 --> 00:12:02,721

And so I remember that and I felt that with all my kids since this point of like,

that feels like such a big burden and stress for us of who, who can be there,

you know, if it happens in the middle of the night or during the day or whatever.

160

00:12:02,721 --> 00:12:14,601

And so we got those things figured out, of course, but I remember that

being such a. Pressing part of the story and you know you'll hear the

rest of it once we get to the point where it was time for me to go.

161

00:12:14,691 --> 00:12:19,251

But I do remember that being a really different headspace that we were into.

162

00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:31,143

So with my first, I went into labor at 39 and two and for whatever reason I'd shared

with you guys with my first baby, I thought like, I will not have this baby in December.

163

00:12:31,143 --> 00:12:34,023

I had had a December due date and I just thought, I'm gonna have a November baby.

164

00:12:34,383 --> 00:12:38,643

No reason for that thought, but that's what I had and it did turn out being true.

165

00:12:38,796 --> 00:12:49,536

This baby, again, I think I had the unwarranted expectation that I would not

go overdo that I would have this baby around the same time as I have my first.

166

00:12:49,806 --> 00:12:50,496

None of that is true.

167

00:12:50,526 --> 00:12:54,246

You can have your baby at all your babies at all different times, but for whatever reason.

168

00:12:54,503 --> 00:12:55,463

This is how I felt.

169

00:12:55,463 --> 00:13:02,273

And so I hit 39 and two and was super grumpy and cranky and thought like, I don't get it.

170

00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:03,803

Why am I, why am I still pregnant?

171

00:13:03,803 --> 00:13:06,293

I had my other baby right now, like this is ridiculous.

172

00:13:06,293 --> 00:13:11,323

And so I remember going to bed that night just grouchy about all the things.

173

00:13:11,423 --> 00:13:18,411

And I mean, I'm sure you kinda have, I kind of have rose colored glasses, I

think about some of this, but I'm sure I was uncomfortable and all of that stuff.

174

00:13:18,493 --> 00:13:22,213

The, my second baby was super active, so I do remember like she.

175

00:13:22,523 --> 00:13:26,783

It felt like she was beating me up at night at this

point, you know, when she was moving around and stuff.

176

00:13:26,783 --> 00:13:30,713

So there were some almost complaints of like, this kid is hurting me.

177

00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:33,083

We did not know if it was a boy or a girl.

178

00:13:33,083 --> 00:13:36,759

So again, it was a surprise of what is this kid doing in there?

179

00:13:36,759 --> 00:13:43,628

And I know that I was kind of ready to stop being pummeled

every night when I went to lay down and go to sleep.

180

00:13:43,628 --> 00:13:44,828

So I do remember that.

181

00:13:44,853 --> 00:13:46,863

So we went to bed 39 and two.

182

00:13:47,448 --> 00:13:54,048

And like I had said with me thinking I wasn't gonna have a

December baby with my first, I had this idea of this baby.

183

00:13:54,288 --> 00:14:00,558

My due date was Labor Day, so in September, and with this

baby, I thought, I'm not gonna have a September baby.

184

00:14:00,558 --> 00:14:02,028

I want this baby to come in August.

185

00:14:02,373 --> 00:14:14,315

Again, just a total silly want, but I think that was part of my grumpiness,

went to bed, zero signs of labor and just like with my first, I feel like I've

said that four times, but there were a lot of similarities in these stories.

186

00:14:14,315 --> 00:14:15,905

I woke up in the middle of the night.

187

00:14:15,935 --> 00:14:19,915

It was 1 22 and I woke up and had to pee.

188

00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:22,230

It was just like with my first daughter.

189

00:14:22,287 --> 00:14:26,937

I had woken up and I thought, huh, like I think I just have to go to the bathroom.

190

00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:32,847

Went to the bathroom, laid back down, and then realized the

contraction woke me up, and this was like textbook or deja vu.

191

00:14:32,847 --> 00:14:34,047

The same thing happened again.

192

00:14:34,096 --> 00:14:37,306

So I went to the bathroom thought, Hmm, I wonder if a contraction woke me up.

193

00:14:37,411 --> 00:14:43,651

Laid there five minutes later, had another one, and then I realized

like pretty quickly, like, nope, those are contractions again.

194

00:14:43,651 --> 00:14:52,531

That's that like wisdom that you can pull forward once you've, you've

had a baby and felt and gone through some of these sinks, then I

had another one five minutes later, so it was like boom, boom, boom.

195

00:14:52,561 --> 00:14:54,031

Regular noticeable.

196

00:14:54,031 --> 00:15:02,458

I wouldn't say like wildly painful, but I was certainly like I am having contractions

had one more, so I had four contractions, so it was about 20 minutes or so of time.

197

00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:05,833

And I was like, it's time to go.

198

00:15:05,893 --> 00:15:10,003

And with my first baby, I spent a couple hours laboring.

199

00:15:10,353 --> 00:15:11,553

Kelvin kept sleeping.

200

00:15:11,653 --> 00:15:15,899

He was sleeping at this point as well, but I didn't

wake him up because I knew, Hey, this takes time.

201

00:15:15,899 --> 00:15:16,949

Things are gonna build.

202

00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:17,879

What's the rush?

203

00:15:17,879 --> 00:15:19,319

Like, I don't need him right now.

204

00:15:19,573 --> 00:15:21,133

this time around, I definitely had that.

205

00:15:21,539 --> 00:15:26,309

Knowledge and, and nurse mentality as well of second babies come fast.

206

00:15:26,549 --> 00:15:32,369

My first labor was 10 hours from start to finish, so

technically that's very pretty quick for a first timer.

207

00:15:32,909 --> 00:15:40,829

And the, my first baby had been born immediately after my

water broke, like within minutes, and so I very much had this.

208

00:15:41,324 --> 00:15:45,644

Feeling of like, as soon as I know I'm in labor

with my second baby, I'm going to the hospital.

209

00:15:45,734 --> 00:15:48,314

Hospital because I bet this is going to go fast.

210

00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,534

And so there wasn't really hesitation for me.

211

00:15:50,534 --> 00:15:55,964

As soon as I had those few contractions consistently five

minutes apart, I just felt like I'm waking up Kelvin.

212

00:15:55,964 --> 00:15:59,774

I'm calling my girlfriend Rebecca, and it's time for us to go.

213

00:15:59,804 --> 00:16:02,054

And so that was our plan.

214

00:16:02,054 --> 00:16:02,984

I did, I woke Kelly up.

215

00:16:02,984 --> 00:16:03,674

I said, Hey.

216

00:16:04,229 --> 00:16:06,059

I've had these contractions, I'm gonna call Becca.

217

00:16:06,059 --> 00:16:08,249

There was not a ton of discussion back and forth.

218

00:16:08,249 --> 00:16:13,469

I think Kel kind of innately just trusted me, and

we talked about this, Hey, second baby's come fast.

219

00:16:13,469 --> 00:16:17,939

Like I think we're gonna have to move quickly, or

we need to be prepared for that possibility anyway.

220

00:16:17,962 --> 00:16:22,736

And so I feel like he just jumped right up, jumped

in the shower, and I called Becca pretty quickly.

221

00:16:22,736 --> 00:16:26,323

It's a nurse that I work with as well, and so she was.

222

00:16:26,908 --> 00:16:32,398

Obviously very attuned to labor patterns and me and

how kind of think quickly she needed to be there.

223

00:16:32,438 --> 00:16:38,558

Of course, she was scheduled to work the next day, so that

wasn't easy for her and her family, but they figured it out.

224

00:16:38,558 --> 00:16:49,218

So she came over and or she started to drive over and essentially she lived right

by the hospital where we'd both work together and where we were going to drive.

225

00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:57,073

But it was the middle of the night, so our first daughter was sleeping, so it was

like, gosh, it'd be so much easier to just like drop our kiddo with you on the way.

226

00:16:57,123 --> 00:17:01,743

But that was not something I felt like comfortable

with, nor were we in that big of a rush.

227

00:17:01,803 --> 00:17:04,293

I was more like, just get here as soon as you can.

228

00:17:04,713 --> 00:17:05,613

You can go to sleep.

229

00:17:05,913 --> 00:17:08,043

I'm still sleeping and we're gonna take off.

230

00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:09,956

so she came pretty darn quickly.

231

00:17:10,106 --> 00:17:16,166

Which I'm grateful for because I do remember that stress

of being home and waiting for someone and contractions.

232

00:17:16,166 --> 00:17:16,946

So just getting.

233

00:17:17,281 --> 00:17:20,371

Closer and stronger, and you're like, I felt pr.

234

00:17:20,521 --> 00:17:22,171

I mean, pretty darn certain.

235

00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:22,681

I'm in labor.

236

00:17:22,681 --> 00:17:23,221

This is real.

237

00:17:23,221 --> 00:17:29,528

And so it was more just like, I hope this doesn't turn the corner

before she's here, because then I don't know what we're gonna do.

238

00:17:29,528 --> 00:17:34,508

So I remember that stress as well that you don't

have, again, that first time because it just.

239

00:17:35,093 --> 00:17:39,713

Just don't think really it's gonna go that way or that typically it doesn't go that way.

240

00:17:39,733 --> 00:17:44,380

So once Beck showed up, we got in the car pretty quickly and just took, took off.

241

00:17:44,380 --> 00:17:52,060

And I was very much in the point of like, I wanna be there, like maybe this isn't

quite, you know, active labor or whatever, but I, I think it's gonna turn quickly.

242

00:17:52,167 --> 00:17:53,697

so I just wanna be there at home.

243

00:17:53,793 --> 00:17:58,817

And so, like, the first drive, Kel, I think does a really good job of kind of like.

244

00:17:59,417 --> 00:18:02,387

Talking me through the drive a little bit because it's usually quiet.

245

00:18:02,387 --> 00:18:12,153

I've always been in active labor or transition, like I don't,

I'm not interested in talking, but I'm also very interested in

getting there very quickly and it's always like a 25 minute drive.

246

00:18:12,173 --> 00:18:13,943

So the drive is a little bit of a blur.

247

00:18:14,783 --> 00:18:19,523

I had, I think one big hope and prayer in that moment, as did Kelvin.

248

00:18:19,553 --> 00:18:21,983

'cause he is always terrified of having car babies.

249

00:18:22,033 --> 00:18:25,573

But that hope is like, please, please, bag of water, don't break.

250

00:18:25,993 --> 00:18:27,313

Because if that bag of water breaks.

251

00:18:27,838 --> 00:18:29,428

We think this baby might be coming.

252

00:18:29,428 --> 00:18:33,148

And so Kel would count down as we drove, like, Hey, you're doing great.

253

00:18:33,148 --> 00:18:34,348

We have 17 minutes to go.

254

00:18:34,348 --> 00:18:35,968

We have 14 minutes to go.

255

00:18:35,968 --> 00:18:44,308

And he, I just remember him tracking the time and just letting me know, because you do, I

mean, if you're, if you're able to think logically, you can do a little bit of math right?

256

00:18:44,308 --> 00:18:45,298

And know, all right.

257

00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:49,595

If there's like 11 minutes left, probably three more

contractions in the car or whatever, based on your pattern.

258

00:18:49,595 --> 00:18:53,585

And so I remember having those thoughts of like, okay, this many more, this many more.

259

00:18:53,585 --> 00:18:56,825

We're almost there because being in the car is the worst, even if you're not miserable.

260

00:18:56,825 --> 00:19:03,535

I think if you've done this, you can attest it like nobody wants to labor

in the car, whether you're in early labor, active labor, or transition.

261

00:19:03,535 --> 00:19:03,775

It's just.

262

00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:05,760

Not where we wanna be, right?

263

00:19:05,807 --> 00:19:12,187

So we got in to the parking lot parked, walked into

the ER entrance because it was the middle of the night.

264

00:19:12,187 --> 00:19:16,297

I think it was around like 3 30, 3 45 at this point.

265

00:19:16,335 --> 00:19:23,025

So it'd been a couple hours since I'd woken, woken, Kelvin,

gotten things going, gotten Becca to our house, things like that.

266

00:19:23,025 --> 00:19:25,027

And so I remember walking into the er.

267

00:19:25,027 --> 00:19:26,227

I'm at my hospital.

268

00:19:26,227 --> 00:19:27,607

When you get to the ER in the middle of the night.

269

00:19:27,677 --> 00:19:29,447

They call up to ob, right?

270

00:19:29,447 --> 00:19:41,084

And then we would walk down to the er 'cause our, we were upstairs from the

ER entrance and the nurse would have to come down and get you in the middle of

the night and or get the patient and then they'd walk you back up to the unit.

271

00:19:41,084 --> 00:19:43,214

And then, you know, OB would take over from there.

272

00:19:43,229 --> 00:19:50,579

And I remember the nurse walking towards me, it's a coworker and her friend, and

she kind of stood at the end of this long hallway, I'll never forget her face.

273

00:19:50,579 --> 00:19:55,079

And she kind of looked at me and she cocked her head and she just had this.

274

00:19:55,764 --> 00:20:01,404

She's a mom of Flo as well, she'd had this look on her face like this, like, Hey.

275

00:20:02,129 --> 00:20:03,089

Like, you're good.

276

00:20:03,179 --> 00:20:07,529

Like, like she just knew where I was at and what I was feeling.

277

00:20:07,529 --> 00:20:09,959

And there wasn't this like, what's your contraction pattern?

278

00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:11,219

Like, tell me everything that's going on.

279

00:20:11,219 --> 00:20:12,809

It was just like, let's go upstairs.

280

00:20:12,809 --> 00:20:13,559

Let's have a baby.

281

00:20:13,559 --> 00:20:15,269

And I'll never forget that feeling.

282

00:20:15,269 --> 00:20:19,709

There was no explaining myself or anything to her to like prove.

283

00:20:19,742 --> 00:20:22,922

She just kind of trusted me like the moment she saw me.

284

00:20:23,237 --> 00:20:29,877

I don't know that she knows that she like did that by the way she

looked at me, but I think it's kind of powerful to think about.

285

00:20:30,083 --> 00:20:41,213

How even as a nurse or your other care providers as well, their nonverbal

communication, the way they look at you, the way they speak to you,

it really can like speak volumes to you inside of what you're feeling.

286

00:20:41,213 --> 00:20:42,143

And she really did.

287

00:20:42,143 --> 00:20:44,428

I think I just felt like, all right, I'm where I need to be.

288

00:20:45,008 --> 00:20:47,738

They believe me, like, let's have this baby.

289

00:20:47,774 --> 00:20:53,497

So this time around we did not go into triage, which is different than first, first story.

290

00:20:53,497 --> 00:20:57,997

She just took me straight to a room, which again,

I think is a really cool, just signup trust.

291

00:20:58,057 --> 00:21:04,837

And her and her like professional skill as well to see

that I talk about the emotional signposts of labor a lot.

292

00:21:05,517 --> 00:21:08,787

And I have a podcast episode about that as well that I can link for you.

293

00:21:08,787 --> 00:21:09,837

It's episode 10.

294

00:21:09,864 --> 00:21:20,694

But I felt like she, like, recognized the signposts in me and just

didn't need to get really clinical, if you will, or like have all these

numbers or things to say, oh yeah, she should, she should be here.

295

00:21:20,694 --> 00:21:21,234

She just.

296

00:21:21,454 --> 00:21:22,384

Could look at me.

297

00:21:22,384 --> 00:21:29,134

And so it's a nod to her as well as a nurse and her skill,

as a nurse in seeing me and recognizing what was going on.

298

00:21:29,241 --> 00:21:41,391

So I got admitted straight to the room, and then we did the standard 20 minutes of

fetal monitoring, which most hospitals require when you first get there, is that

they want at least like 20 or 30 minutes to see how's the baby looking in there.

299

00:21:41,391 --> 00:21:43,791

Like how are they responding to contractions essentially?

300

00:21:43,791 --> 00:21:45,921

Is this a reactive NST?

301

00:21:45,921 --> 00:21:46,731

So they're seeing.

302

00:21:47,111 --> 00:21:50,771

Movement and accelerations and things like that to say, Hey, baby's doing great.

303

00:21:50,914 --> 00:21:52,054

so they did that.

304

00:21:52,114 --> 00:21:55,984

And then, we actually took the monitors off with this baby.

305

00:21:56,234 --> 00:22:01,206

We did not do any cervical exams or anything like that either, and we did not start an iv.

306

00:22:01,779 --> 00:22:03,159

My nurse's stance was super sweet.

307

00:22:03,159 --> 00:22:04,209

She's like, I can start one.

308

00:22:04,209 --> 00:22:05,349

I don't have to start one.

309

00:22:05,349 --> 00:22:07,359

I really don't care if we need one later.

310

00:22:07,369 --> 00:22:08,299

I can throw it in.

311

00:22:08,299 --> 00:22:11,269

Like, I'm really just not worried about this for you.

312

00:22:11,269 --> 00:22:12,709

And so I thought that was really.

313

00:22:13,199 --> 00:22:14,699

She did a good job with that as well.

314

00:22:14,849 --> 00:22:17,639

She was like, either way, your choice not a big deal to me.

315

00:22:17,639 --> 00:22:23,129

And if we need it later, like, I'm comfortable with

my skills to put one in later and we can reassess.

316

00:22:23,129 --> 00:22:28,759

So, at that point I just said, why do, like we hadn't

used my, we didn't use my IV at all with my first baby.

317

00:22:28,789 --> 00:22:32,779

This one was progressing just like that first scenario.

318

00:22:32,779 --> 00:22:35,089

And so it was kind of like, well, we'll just put it in later.

319

00:22:35,131 --> 00:22:38,191

And she's a good IB starter, which I knew from work.

320

00:22:38,191 --> 00:22:40,446

And so I also knew like, hey, if.

321

00:22:40,743 --> 00:22:42,843

So something was needed immediately.

322

00:22:42,873 --> 00:22:44,463

She could get my IV in very quickly.

323

00:22:44,703 --> 00:22:46,893

So that's a nice little reassurance that I knew as well.

324

00:22:46,893 --> 00:22:49,713

So we basically didn't do anything.

325

00:22:49,713 --> 00:22:53,793

It was a very, I would say, like intervened upon birth, showed up.

326

00:22:53,853 --> 00:23:00,183

I did the monitoring, which I always prefer anyway, so I

would never personally want to argue that I'm monitoring.

327

00:23:00,245 --> 00:23:01,475

I stay outta bed anyway.

328

00:23:01,475 --> 00:23:04,715

We put the monitors on and then I'm like on the

birthing ball or I'm standing, or I'm whatever.

329

00:23:04,715 --> 00:23:05,165

I'm just.

330

00:23:05,510 --> 00:23:09,034

Like close to the machine for that 20 minutes and then they came off.

331

00:23:09,142 --> 00:23:16,882

Transition came very quickly, like labor itself, these 90

minutes or so, I would say were a blur of just doing the things.

332

00:23:17,032 --> 00:23:23,142

A lot of breath work for me is one of my primary, like

go-tos and tools and then I like the birthing balls.

333

00:23:23,142 --> 00:23:26,442

So I end up sitting there for a while doing labor there.

334

00:23:26,472 --> 00:23:29,907

And then I. End up on hands and knees on the floor.

335

00:23:30,027 --> 00:23:31,707

It's like that's my jam.

336

00:23:31,867 --> 00:23:36,367

it continues to happen in my other birth stories,

which I will share in future episodes as well.

337

00:23:36,367 --> 00:23:40,597

But it's like if you see me in my hands and knees on the floor.

338

00:23:40,848 --> 00:23:44,478

I'm gonna have a baby soon, and so I ended up in hands and knees on the floor.

339

00:23:44,532 --> 00:23:59,112

Kelvin really, again, just did such a good job, like just such a testament

to the education that he'd received prior with our first baby that did

make him so confident and so, trusting of the birth process then I think.

340

00:23:59,562 --> 00:24:02,412

Again, I keep talking about it, but the wisdom we pull forward, right?

341

00:24:02,412 --> 00:24:02,982

Like this.

342

00:24:02,982 --> 00:24:05,472

At this point, he would probably say, I'm an experienced dad.

343

00:24:05,472 --> 00:24:06,222

I've done this before.

344

00:24:06,222 --> 00:24:12,185

So whatever fear I think that he had the first

time, I would say the majority of it was gone now.

345

00:24:12,215 --> 00:24:13,475

'cause he'd seen this process.

346

00:24:13,475 --> 00:24:14,555

He knew that it worked.

347

00:24:14,755 --> 00:24:16,825

He knew that we could trust the people around us.

348

00:24:16,825 --> 00:24:21,505

He'd been at my hospital for all kinds of things

related to work as well as having the prior baby.

349

00:24:21,505 --> 00:24:25,285

So it just felt like he was just like, cool, let's just do this.

350

00:24:25,285 --> 00:24:27,775

And there wasn't any fear or anxiety.

351

00:24:27,775 --> 00:24:32,695

And then there was a lot of competence in how he could support me and trust.

352

00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:35,600

Trust what's going on and the trust of people around us.

353

00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:39,811

So I love that, that for him, that confidence and trust that he had.

354

00:24:39,852 --> 00:24:48,863

It was really cool to see and then reflect on and then to see with

subsequent babies too emotionally, like I feel like the one thing I remember.

355

00:24:49,748 --> 00:24:55,418

As labor got very close to the end was that flip into transition.

356

00:24:55,448 --> 00:25:00,248

And I don't know like what time that happened, if you're tracking my time right now.

357

00:25:00,548 --> 00:25:03,158

But at some point it was very clear like.

358

00:25:03,553 --> 00:25:04,273

Oh shoot.

359

00:25:04,423 --> 00:25:07,933

Like I remember this and I don't wanna do this again.

360

00:25:08,126 --> 00:25:12,446

I remember like laying my head on Kelvin's shoulder or leaning back against him.

361

00:25:12,446 --> 00:25:14,918

We were on the floor in hands and knees or something.

362

00:25:14,918 --> 00:25:21,278

So sometimes I would lean back against him, between contractions

and I started crying and it was just this, it hurt so bad.

363

00:25:21,278 --> 00:25:23,018

I do not want to do this again.

364

00:25:23,145 --> 00:25:24,885

that's such a clear.

365

00:25:25,705 --> 00:25:31,915

Example of the emotional signpost of that

self-doubt and that like, I can't do this anymore.

366

00:25:31,915 --> 00:25:34,825

And that is, that means we are in transition, right?

367

00:25:34,825 --> 00:25:36,775

And so it was fun.

368

00:25:36,835 --> 00:25:37,495

Not fun.

369

00:25:37,645 --> 00:25:38,605

I can't believe I just said fun.

370

00:25:38,605 --> 00:25:46,525

It was cool to go through that signpost and almost in the moment,

I don't think I was like, oh, this is a signpost, ding, ding, ding.

371

00:25:46,795 --> 00:25:48,475

But I think Kelvin can recognize it.

372

00:25:48,475 --> 00:25:51,655

And then when we would reflect back on the birth, he'd be like, man, you did it again.

373

00:25:51,655 --> 00:25:53,215

You went from this to this to this.

374

00:25:53,605 --> 00:25:54,715

And when you said this.

375

00:25:54,925 --> 00:25:58,495

You went into a transition and you could just like see all the pieces come together.

376

00:25:58,495 --> 00:26:01,835

And so we did in some way, you know, shape or form.

377

00:26:02,135 --> 00:26:03,875

We understood like, this is it.

378

00:26:03,905 --> 00:26:06,862

We're at the point where we're very, very close.

379

00:26:06,885 --> 00:26:08,535

My water broke.

380

00:26:09,015 --> 00:26:11,505

Again, in hands and knees on the floor.

381

00:26:11,715 --> 00:26:13,815

And we had meconium again.

382

00:26:13,965 --> 00:26:22,695

And you know, I'm sitting here, I can't remember if I even

mentioned this in my first birth story, maybe it got lost in all

the details, but water broke in meconium with my first baby as well.

383

00:26:23,295 --> 00:26:25,185

Water broke with meconium again.

384

00:26:25,185 --> 00:26:26,655

And I remember thinking, are you kidding me?

385

00:26:26,655 --> 00:26:30,165

Like, why do I, why do I keep having these babies with meconium?

386

00:26:30,175 --> 00:26:33,655

Especially because I'd gone into labor kind of early in theory, right?

387

00:26:33,655 --> 00:26:35,060

Like 39 weeks is, is.

388

00:26:35,710 --> 00:26:38,770

Fully, you know, your full term, but it's kind of earlier than the average.

389

00:26:38,913 --> 00:26:46,683

And sometimes we see meconium more often with babies who are post dates

or actually getting into like 41 weeks or certainly like 42 and overdue.

390

00:26:46,893 --> 00:26:50,463

so it just kind of was surprising to me, like, why do I have meconium again?

391

00:26:50,463 --> 00:26:51,573

What would be the reason for it?

392

00:26:51,573 --> 00:26:53,343

And there can be other reasons for it.

393

00:26:53,463 --> 00:26:58,533

So it wasn't super shocking, but I remember always

thinking almost more of an eye roll response.

394

00:26:59,193 --> 00:26:59,973

Get outta here.

395

00:27:00,003 --> 00:27:15,440

And I think the reason for that too is because when you do have meconium

in the waters, it just means the NNP is gonna come to the birth as well,

like a neonatal nurse practitioner, maybe some extra people just in

case there are signs of like meconium aspiration syndrome or baby has.

396

00:27:15,535 --> 00:27:18,325

Some struggles transitioning because of the meconium in the water.

397

00:27:18,565 --> 00:27:25,465

So it just creates this like little extra layer of care that

may become necessary, maybe an extra person or two in the room.

398

00:27:25,465 --> 00:27:27,592

And so I think in the back of my head I was like, Ugh.

399

00:27:28,012 --> 00:27:34,042

You know, that might introduce an issue that I would

prefer not to introduce if we had that choice, you know?

400

00:27:34,109 --> 00:27:41,819

But regardless, water breaking and there's this pretty immediate

response to of this baby's coming, and so I immediately.

401

00:27:42,754 --> 00:27:50,134

Got up off the floor and got into the bed and my midwife and

nurse, they'd kind of just been in the background up to this point.

402

00:27:50,554 --> 00:27:51,964

I'm pretty sure they were in the room.

403

00:27:51,964 --> 00:27:55,565

I remember telling them, you guys can leave, like you don't have to stay here.

404

00:27:55,565 --> 00:28:02,915

And they would kind of like, not laugh at me, but I remember responses

like, we're good or like, we'll, we'll just be in the hall or don't worry.

405

00:28:02,915 --> 00:28:04,715

Like you're not, you're not bothering us.

406

00:28:04,715 --> 00:28:05,525

'cause I think.

407

00:28:06,140 --> 00:28:12,350

I think I felt like I was making them do extra

work or felt like, Hey, you don't have to linger.

408

00:28:12,350 --> 00:28:16,460

And they were like, we're not gonna go very

far away 'cause you're about to have this baby.

409

00:28:16,820 --> 00:28:19,670

And so I think I kept telling them like, you can go away.

410

00:28:19,670 --> 00:28:24,860

And they're like, well we can't really go that far away

'cause you might not realize it, but this baby's coming out.

411

00:28:24,860 --> 00:28:32,333

And so there was this little interplay going on I think in the last,

you know, half hour of time, of me trying to release them and them.

412

00:28:32,908 --> 00:28:34,438

Not really wanting to be released.

413

00:28:34,472 --> 00:28:36,152

So they weren't bugging me.

414

00:28:36,212 --> 00:28:39,392

I just remember like, feeling bad for them or something, which is stupid.

415

00:28:39,392 --> 00:28:43,922

Anyways, they were very close by when my water broke

or they were in the room or at the doorway or whatever.

416

00:28:43,922 --> 00:28:46,772

And so they came in because there was this like, okay, it's time.

417

00:28:46,792 --> 00:28:48,592

And so I got in the bed by choice.

418

00:28:48,592 --> 00:28:50,212

I, that's where I wanted to be.

419

00:28:50,272 --> 00:28:51,712

I like delivering right there.

420

00:28:51,712 --> 00:28:52,282

I like.

421

00:28:52,637 --> 00:28:53,297

The way it feels.

422

00:28:53,297 --> 00:28:54,497

I like how strong I feel.

423

00:28:54,570 --> 00:28:57,990

And I like getting baby to my chest, like right through my leg.

424

00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:00,420

I just feel like it's just, I like it.

425

00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:02,610

I like it so I don't have to justify it.

426

00:29:02,610 --> 00:29:10,680

I like delivering it on my back and it was immediate, like the

very next contraction, like pushing bodies, pushing, I'm pushing.

427

00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:12,060

There was no hesitation.

428

00:29:12,060 --> 00:29:17,433

I remember that feeling of fullness again that I described to

you guys in that first birth story in the first episode, but it.

429

00:29:17,973 --> 00:29:20,673

The first time it scared me and I thought, oh hell no.

430

00:29:20,673 --> 00:29:22,113

Like I'm not doing this.

431

00:29:22,163 --> 00:29:25,793

And this time I remember it was like, sh shoot.

432

00:29:25,793 --> 00:29:27,113

Like there it is again.

433

00:29:27,113 --> 00:29:32,543

I don't wanna do this, but I'm going to do this because I know

you don't like, I know you don't get to back away from this.

434

00:29:32,887 --> 00:29:35,613

so I actually, I remember pushing and.

435

00:29:36,233 --> 00:29:38,813

Pushed to like half of the crown or however you wanna say that.

436

00:29:38,813 --> 00:29:39,983

Like the head is out.

437

00:29:40,283 --> 00:29:46,383

And basically I was sitting in the ring of fire, and I did not feel it.

438

00:29:46,653 --> 00:29:49,023

And maybe you're like, Nope, you're lying.

439

00:29:49,203 --> 00:29:50,283

But I did not feel it.

440

00:29:50,283 --> 00:29:52,353

And there's some cool stuff out there that says like.

441

00:29:52,420 --> 00:30:07,953

When the baby's head is stretching those tissues, like you do actually hit

a point where there's some, like some different stuff going on, and the

stretch is so big that it almost is like anesthesia, like your body's own

anesthesia is like being released or however you wanna say that, like your.

442

00:30:08,488 --> 00:30:20,021

You are you, you might actually not feel it because of these little mechanisms

that kick in and I don't know that that's actually always true for everyone

or maybe we just like blow past that point really quickly so we don't notice.

443

00:30:20,021 --> 00:30:22,841

But this was the birth where it was absolutely true for me.

444

00:30:22,841 --> 00:30:33,071

I sat there unmedicated with a head half out and just sat there and I remember

looking at the midwife and said, do I need to wait for another contraction?

445

00:30:33,616 --> 00:30:36,226

Or should I just like go ahead and finish pushing.

446

00:30:36,226 --> 00:30:39,556

And I remember her kind of laughing, like, whatever you want, it's up to you.

447

00:30:39,556 --> 00:30:41,266

You can wait or you can go ahead and push.

448

00:30:41,266 --> 00:30:42,616

Like good job.

449

00:30:42,676 --> 00:30:43,096

Essentially.

450

00:30:43,096 --> 00:30:43,906

I think she's like, good job.

451

00:30:43,906 --> 00:30:46,606

You've already sat here, like you've, the tissues have stretched.

452

00:30:46,606 --> 00:30:47,866

Like you're doing great.

453

00:30:47,896 --> 00:30:48,496

Do what you want.

454

00:30:48,496 --> 00:30:55,714

And so I went ahead and just pushed to finish and get the rest of the

head out and then shoulders and all of that delivered really easily.

455

00:30:55,714 --> 00:30:56,344

And.

456

00:30:57,244 --> 00:31:01,714

I mean that that was that my husband got to deliver this baby fully.

457

00:31:01,984 --> 00:31:08,524

If you remember from the first episode, I would not let him leave my side 'cause

he was holding a leg and I just thought like, you can't move in that moment.

458

00:31:08,764 --> 00:31:10,174

But this time we did a better job.

459

00:31:10,174 --> 00:31:13,922

And so they had already gotten Kelvin gotten him ready to deliver.

460

00:31:13,922 --> 00:31:19,562

And so he, the midwife was just standing like behind

him or behind his shoulder and he actually caught baby.

461

00:31:19,562 --> 00:31:23,912

And so went ahead and pushed and delivered and he was able to.

462

00:31:24,252 --> 00:31:28,392

Call out that it was a girl, it was our second girl, and then he handed her to me.

463

00:31:28,392 --> 00:31:39,355

It was 5:26 AM and so essentially it had been four hours from the four hours

and four minutes from the moment that first contraction woke me up until.

464

00:31:39,750 --> 00:31:41,130

The moment she was on my chest.

465

00:31:41,130 --> 00:31:45,600

So a very quick tidy kind of textbook.

466

00:31:45,870 --> 00:31:48,060

Second labor for sure.

467

00:31:48,172 --> 00:31:51,930

In my immediate postpartum, I remember a couple of things.

468

00:31:51,930 --> 00:31:54,690

One, the meconium was like zero issue.

469

00:31:54,690 --> 00:31:55,590

She came out.

470

00:31:56,030 --> 00:32:00,200

Pink and eight, nine Apgars and all the things like, she just, she did great.

471

00:32:00,250 --> 00:32:01,180

So that was nice.

472

00:32:01,420 --> 00:32:04,540

The NNP and the nursery team, they kind of were like, cool, we're out.

473

00:32:04,540 --> 00:32:06,490

And so there was no issue there with that.

474

00:32:06,540 --> 00:32:12,990

I remember a little bit of the, not shock of having another

girl, but just that those like, okay, you ready to be a girl?

475

00:32:12,990 --> 00:32:14,130

Mom, you ready to be a girl dad?

476

00:32:14,130 --> 00:32:15,810

Like now we have these two little girls.

477

00:32:15,877 --> 00:32:21,037

And then I remember some feelings, of course, of just my mom and.

478

00:32:21,337 --> 00:32:29,977

Like, it brings it to the forefront pretty quickly, I think when

you have kids, and you go through these really intense moments after

you've lost somebody who would normally be a part of 'em or be there.

479

00:32:29,977 --> 00:32:38,187

And so there was definitely that like, whew, just like rushed in really

quickly of like, okay, like I gotta do this without her and she should be here.

480

00:32:38,187 --> 00:32:42,203

And so there was a lot of that that came in really quickly as well.

481

00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:43,440

I will say.

482

00:32:43,678 --> 00:32:46,408

Kinda go back to that IV conversation we had.

483

00:32:46,438 --> 00:32:58,502

My placenta, I can't remember if it delivered quickly or not, but I wasn't, I was leading

more than I should have been or more than what we would prefer, I'll say after birth.

484

00:32:58,502 --> 00:32:59,072

And so.

485

00:32:59,493 --> 00:33:06,937

We did get to a point, we didn't do anything immediately right away and placenta

delivered and all of that, but in the checks to follow birth, kinda those immediate ones.

486

00:33:06,937 --> 00:33:14,737

Once the provider was done, I had not, torn or I had, I didn't need any sort of

stitches for that delivery, and so everyone kind of cleaned up and it was all.

487

00:33:15,062 --> 00:33:17,042

You know, in theory over pretty fast.

488

00:33:17,522 --> 00:33:22,262

And as the nurse continued to check my uterus and check

my bleeding, my bleeding just wasn't getting better.

489

00:33:22,262 --> 00:33:27,362

And so we did end up throwing in an iv, and so I got one postpartum.

490

00:33:27,872 --> 00:33:29,852

But again, it was like, that's okay.

491

00:33:29,942 --> 00:33:32,282

Like we said, if we need it, we need it and we'll put it in.

492

00:33:32,582 --> 00:33:33,962

'cause I'd had the, IM.

493

00:33:34,272 --> 00:33:41,512

Pitocin, which you can have intramuscular pitocin after birth

if you do not have an IV N to receive pitocin after birth.

494

00:33:41,542 --> 00:33:43,702

And I'm open to that Pitocin.

495

00:33:43,762 --> 00:33:52,262

I, am always open to the post birth Pitocin for myself and I'd

had a fast labor, which can actually be a potential risk for.

496

00:33:52,747 --> 00:33:58,987

Having postpartum hemorrhage or extra postpartum bleeding,

but the em, Pitocin itself didn't seem to be enough.

497

00:33:59,017 --> 00:34:04,177

And so we put in an IV and actually ended up doing some IV pitocin as well.

498

00:34:04,381 --> 00:34:11,791

that kind of like rectified or helped resolve my bleeding and get me back to

a place I think that both the nurse and honestly myself were comfortable with.

499

00:34:11,791 --> 00:34:14,671

'cause I just was like, I don't wanna mess around with bleeding right now.

500

00:34:14,671 --> 00:34:15,991

I just had a great birth like.

501

00:34:16,481 --> 00:34:18,131

You can gimme the meds, you can gimme the iv.

502

00:34:18,611 --> 00:34:20,291

I am, yeah.

503

00:34:20,561 --> 00:34:22,751

I, I'm good with this plan of care.

504

00:34:22,751 --> 00:34:26,081

And so that was kind of the only little hiccup in the immediate postpartum.

505

00:34:26,265 --> 00:34:28,716

And then Kel and I just did the things right.

506

00:34:28,746 --> 00:34:32,616

When you have a new baby, I think it's so fun to deliver where.

507

00:34:33,106 --> 00:34:43,256

I worked, and where I knew everyone, like it was just so sweet to have those people

come around me, especially because now I was truly delivering without my mom at all.

508

00:34:43,286 --> 00:34:43,556

Right.

509

00:34:43,556 --> 00:34:44,876

Not even a phone call away.

510

00:34:44,876 --> 00:34:58,994

And so just to have all these women in and out and men too, we had a

few men on the unit and anesthesiologists and stuff, but coming in and

out, congratulating us and thank, and you know, just loving on us and

being excited for us was pretty, pretty special and pretty, I think.

511

00:34:59,739 --> 00:35:07,899

Necessary or like kind of a, my sister calls them, God nods, but like to me it felt

like a God nod of like, Hey, you need this because of what you're going through.

512

00:35:07,899 --> 00:35:15,609

So it's all worked out in the background so that you have what

you need, even though you don't have your mom with you anymore.

513

00:35:15,609 --> 00:35:16,514

The other thing that I love.

514

00:35:17,144 --> 00:35:32,654

Thinking about with this birth too is kind of reflecting back and I

don't need to like go over this again 'cause I know I already told you,

but just the trust that I felt like was there from the moment I walked

in, feeling really trusted by my nurse, trusted by the people around us.

515

00:35:32,754 --> 00:35:36,024

That idea of being left alone to labor and make decisions.

516

00:35:36,024 --> 00:35:41,514

But every I, I felt very sure that everyone knew, Hey, I, we know where she's at.

517

00:35:41,514 --> 00:35:42,714

We know what she's doing.

518

00:35:42,834 --> 00:35:44,184

Nobody needs to panic.

519

00:35:44,184 --> 00:35:46,014

Like she's just having a baby.

520

00:35:46,074 --> 00:35:47,334

And, and that's a good thing.

521

00:35:47,334 --> 00:35:52,581

And, and we trust, we trust that and, respect the kind of, respect that process.

522

00:35:52,581 --> 00:35:57,511

And so it, I felt that as a. As a laboring woman for sure.

523

00:35:57,511 --> 00:35:59,131

And so that meant a lot to me.

524

00:35:59,131 --> 00:36:15,044

It continues to mean a lot to me, and I think it's a lot, it's one of the reasons

I continue to, to teach and try and talk to you guys about how, what can you

do to try to cultivate this in your own space because it means so much when you

feel this way in front of your care providers and and with your care providers.

525

00:36:15,044 --> 00:36:18,554

And now that I've gotten to experience it

multiple times, it just became more and more true.

526

00:36:18,554 --> 00:36:20,504

Like, gosh, everybody should feel this way.

527

00:36:20,924 --> 00:36:21,614

What can we do?

528

00:36:21,614 --> 00:36:22,394

What can we teach?

529

00:36:22,394 --> 00:36:25,874

How can we prep people for them to feel that way?

530

00:36:26,043 --> 00:36:32,145

And so that definitely trickles into the education and stuff that

I do now, or the way that I teach in my birth course is like, Ugh.

531

00:36:32,175 --> 00:36:42,515

I want you to feel this confident in what's going on, and I want

you to know how to surround yourself with people who can join

you in that instead of, you know, kind of be a hindrance to that.

532

00:36:42,637 --> 00:36:46,357

All right, you guys, I didn't talk about postpartum.

533

00:36:47,677 --> 00:36:55,867

As much with my first, or it became a, a, a lot of what was going

on in terms of, you know, losing my mom and walking through that.

534

00:36:55,867 --> 00:36:59,888

But I wanna touch on a couple stuff for this second postpartum as well.

535

00:36:59,888 --> 00:37:03,878

I think one, I had like a second one to compare now to a first one.

536

00:37:03,878 --> 00:37:05,718

So I think we all kind of can.

537

00:37:06,923 --> 00:37:20,453

C not necessarily, it's not a privilege to be able to compare the

two, but when you have two experiences or three, or four or five or

whatever, it's, it's a lot easier to kind of talk about them and say

like, oh, this, this was different, or this was an indication that.

538

00:37:20,843 --> 00:37:22,343

You know, X, Y, Z wasn't normal.

539

00:37:22,343 --> 00:37:30,430

So my first one, my first postpartum experience, despite

losing my mom, was otherwise very normal and very good.

540

00:37:30,460 --> 00:37:41,873

And I think maybe going back to the idea of God, not that was,

that was a, a thing that I needed to be able to kind of survive

that period is to have a postpartum that maybe was otherwise not.

541

00:37:42,223 --> 00:37:47,573

Super challenged, because I needed to be able

to walk through what was going on with my mom.

542

00:37:47,731 --> 00:37:51,271

This one was a different story in a couple of different ways.

543

00:37:51,271 --> 00:37:56,408

I will say breastfeeding again was the goal it got off to a really good start.

544

00:37:56,408 --> 00:38:08,698

I felt like I had some of that second time wisdom I keep talking

about and was able to pull that forward and use that with this baby

to get right on track pretty quickly and, and again, almost, and.

545

00:38:08,901 --> 00:38:12,621

Surprise, like almost surprise or thanks body again.

546

00:38:12,621 --> 00:38:14,841

But I, I don't know how my body did it.

547

00:38:14,951 --> 00:38:22,661

But I made the milk she needed and I, myself, I

would say was still not physically really well.

548

00:38:22,661 --> 00:38:23,621

I had the baby.

549

00:38:24,266 --> 00:38:25,676

We did a beautiful job together.

550

00:38:25,706 --> 00:38:41,110

My body did a good job, and then I like lost weight again really quickly,

was still under a lot of stress, walking through a lot of grief, and,

and despite all of that physically, breastfeeding went, was going well,

like my milk supply was doing well or we were doing well with that.

551

00:38:41,110 --> 00:38:42,455

Like that was not.

552

00:38:43,107 --> 00:38:45,237

A significant challenge.

553

00:38:45,527 --> 00:38:51,467

What I did run into with breastfeeding is dysphoric milk ejection reflex.

554

00:38:51,467 --> 00:38:57,077

And I'm not gonna give you the whole story because I

actually have a podcast episode about that as well.

555

00:38:57,077 --> 00:38:58,727

So you go, can go back and listen to that.

556

00:38:58,727 --> 00:39:02,777

I'll link in the show notes, but it's episode four, but I ran into this.

557

00:39:03,052 --> 00:39:06,592

Scenario about six or seven weeks postpartum.

558

00:39:06,592 --> 00:39:19,582

I can't remember exactly what I share about in episode four, but essentially

I like hated breastfeeding and I felt sad and nauseous and homesick and

I would cry and I just like felt like I was in all this grief again.

559

00:39:19,582 --> 00:39:24,802

And it was really specific to when I was breastfeeding

and I didn't know why I was feeling this way.

560

00:39:25,012 --> 00:39:26,152

I didn't even recognize it.

561

00:39:26,152 --> 00:39:28,222

My husband Kel recognized it and was like.

562

00:39:28,427 --> 00:39:29,237

There's what's wrong?

563

00:39:29,297 --> 00:39:30,647

Like, why are you acting this way?

564

00:39:30,663 --> 00:39:40,248

And it turns out through a lot of, self digging and discovery and my own research, that

I had this condition called dysphoric milk, ejection reflex, otherwise known as demer.

565

00:39:40,248 --> 00:39:43,779

That's the most common acronym and how we speak about it most often.

566

00:39:43,827 --> 00:39:48,237

And so that then was something that I'm gonna say plagued me my.

567

00:39:48,842 --> 00:39:52,112

Entire breastfeeding journey because it was kind of like a plague.

568

00:39:52,112 --> 00:39:58,210

And my, my spot on that demer spectrum meant

that I felt it, my entire breastfeeding journey.

569

00:39:58,930 --> 00:40:06,917

Because I was in such a bad place emotionally still, from still

just walking through, losing my mom and the repercussions of that.

570

00:40:06,974 --> 00:40:14,981

Yeah, I had what I would say is pretty significant deemer throughout, and

the feelings associated with it were, were complicated and messy, and.

571

00:40:15,346 --> 00:40:17,146

Unfortunate, I guess, if you will.

572

00:40:17,206 --> 00:40:23,536

So that was one really hard piece of my postpartum with baby girl.

573

00:40:24,046 --> 00:40:30,646

And then the second one was one that took me a lot longer

to realize, but you'll probably be like, well, duh low.

574

00:40:30,646 --> 00:40:33,923

Of course this was going on, but I ended up being diagnosed or.

575

00:40:35,148 --> 00:40:49,000

Like figuring out that I had significant postpartum anxiety and

I like sharing about it because I was maybe a lot like you or

maybe like you were prior and that I did the, put my head down.

576

00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:49,780

I'm okay.

577

00:40:49,780 --> 00:40:53,260

Like I'm, there's not, this isn't a big deal.

578

00:40:53,290 --> 00:40:56,980

Like this is just normal for a really long time, for way too long.

579

00:40:57,280 --> 00:41:00,280

But I think that I had been, I was tangled up in like.

580

00:41:00,970 --> 00:41:02,500

I'm going through a lot right now.

581

00:41:02,530 --> 00:41:09,220

Like my life just kind of fell apart right now, and now I

have two under two, so I'm tired, and of course I'm sad a lot.

582

00:41:09,220 --> 00:41:17,380

And of course I'm anxious, like I just walked through some really hard things and so

I, I was really good at explaining it away and I also was really good at presenting.

583

00:41:17,512 --> 00:41:20,362

A face to the world that was doing well.

584

00:41:20,542 --> 00:41:25,312

Like there were a lot of like, man, for all that you've

been through, like, you guys seem like you're doing great.

585

00:41:25,342 --> 00:41:31,365

And instead of maybe using those conversations as a place

to say, you know what, I actually don't, don't know if I am.

586

00:41:31,365 --> 00:41:33,208

Or like, can we talk about this more?

587

00:41:33,208 --> 00:41:41,768

I. My response was typically, yeah, we're doing great and like not

really letting people in or sharing the full scope of what was going on.

588

00:41:41,768 --> 00:41:49,208

And so my anxiety presented as anxiety about my own health,

which I think that I had also thought like postpartum anxiety.

589

00:41:49,213 --> 00:41:58,958

I. Can be more centered around the baby and like something bad happening to them

and or like, the intrusive thoughts that can come in with, with those scenarios.

590

00:41:59,148 --> 00:42:05,628

so maybe I had a little bit of, I was misinformed too,

about like postpartum anxiety isn't just a specific.

591

00:42:06,228 --> 00:42:15,408

Thing, it's just this anxiety, like if you are anxious, whether that be about

yourself or your spouse or whatever, like that can be part of this spectrum.

592

00:42:15,408 --> 00:42:19,112

And so I ended up with like significant headaches.

593

00:42:19,212 --> 00:42:23,922

I ended up spending some time with an ENT 'cause

I thought maybe this is like, I have some.

594

00:42:24,337 --> 00:42:25,237

TMJ issues.

595

00:42:25,237 --> 00:42:30,067

So I thought, okay, I'm clenching and I'm having headaches, and

I grab my teeth at night and I'm obviously under a lot of stress.

596

00:42:30,487 --> 00:42:33,247

I saw my PCP and talked to them about some of this stuff.

597

00:42:33,297 --> 00:42:40,617

And I will say eventually for me, my anxiety had spiraled

so much that I was having headaches, like nonstop every day.

598

00:42:40,617 --> 00:42:43,937

And so I thought, what if there's something wrong with my head?

599

00:42:44,177 --> 00:42:45,467

What is going on in there?

600

00:42:45,467 --> 00:42:47,657

So then I'm anxious about my own health.

601

00:42:47,787 --> 00:42:49,197

Like what if I have a brain tumor?

602

00:42:49,197 --> 00:42:51,807

It sounds silly to say out loud, but I know I'm not alone in this.

603

00:42:51,807 --> 00:42:56,643

And so I ended up having an MRI done for I think, peace of mind.

604

00:42:56,643 --> 00:43:07,166

Like I don't know that my care provider really thought I needed it, but I was

so anxious about all of this stuff that I couldn't get past this part of it.

605

00:43:07,166 --> 00:43:09,566

And so in the course of, I would say.

606

00:43:09,759 --> 00:43:15,819

These months of kind of working through some of this, recognizing

that, hey, I'm not okay, this is way bigger than I thought it was.

607

00:43:15,919 --> 00:43:19,189

We did start anti-anxiety meds as well.

608

00:43:19,409 --> 00:43:27,204

The headaches continued and so I think there was this kind of cycle of,

but I'm still having headaches, so there must still be something going on.

609

00:43:27,204 --> 00:43:29,994

And I mean, my MRI came back clear.

610

00:43:30,084 --> 00:43:31,824

I'd been on the meds for a couple.

611

00:43:32,219 --> 00:43:33,929

Months at that point as well.

612

00:43:33,959 --> 00:43:39,059

'cause I started really realizing I wasn't okay about

seven or eight months postpartum, which is way too long.

613

00:43:39,059 --> 00:43:41,219

You guys, I waited way too long, so don't be like me.

614

00:43:41,316 --> 00:43:50,499

And then I wanna say that MRI was kind of at like the eight or

nine month mark and so eventually I just leveled out a little bit.

615

00:43:50,499 --> 00:43:55,389

And I know that's like so anti-climactic, but all of

the things together, like knowing that I was okay.

616

00:43:55,715 --> 00:44:04,265

In regards to headaches and then recognizing these are actually probably from stress

and anxiety and it's just so high that you like can't get out from underneath them.

617

00:44:04,305 --> 00:44:07,545

And then having medication definitely, helped me as well.

618

00:44:07,755 --> 00:44:10,995

Talking about it more recognizing like, I'm not okay.

619

00:44:10,995 --> 00:44:15,890

I. It's okay to not be okay, but like, well, you really need to let people help you.

620

00:44:15,940 --> 00:44:21,250

And that's kind of how I would say that first postpartum year kind of finished out.

621

00:44:21,250 --> 00:44:23,230

So nothing like my,

622

00:44:23,472 --> 00:44:28,092

first postpartum with my first baby because I

felt like there were a lot more complications.

623

00:44:28,119 --> 00:44:38,739

But I would definitely say the two were very enmeshed together,

like kind of when I started this podcast and was saying like,

you gotta know all of this because it all bled into this story.

624

00:44:38,799 --> 00:44:41,949

And so really, I would say like those two stories.

625

00:44:42,004 --> 00:44:55,294

Together and the kind of those two postpartums were me in the midst of the

loss and the grief and the, and the moving onward after losing someone.

626

00:44:55,324 --> 00:44:57,994

And I just happened to have like two babies in the middle of it.

627

00:44:57,994 --> 00:45:04,299

So you threw all that postpartum stuff, the hormonal changes of

pregnancy and postpartum, it was messy and it was complicated.

628

00:45:04,299 --> 00:45:07,809

And I think for a really long time.

629

00:45:08,164 --> 00:45:08,614

Okay.

630

00:45:08,824 --> 00:45:09,634

I'm probably gonna cry.

631

00:45:09,634 --> 00:45:10,714

I felt really bad.

632

00:45:10,714 --> 00:45:21,964

I have felt really bad and I try to talk myself away from this,

but I felt really bad for like the mother that my kids got in that

season and for the mother that my second baby got in that season.

633

00:45:22,354 --> 00:45:24,334

Because in theory, like I.

634

00:45:24,480 --> 00:45:33,210

She deserved better, but I also know that I did the best that

I could with what, what I had and what life had given me.

635

00:45:33,210 --> 00:45:34,320

So, sorry guys.

636

00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:36,750

I told you I would not be able to get through this one without crying.

637

00:45:36,750 --> 00:45:36,810

So.

638

00:45:38,062 --> 00:45:46,116

I think that I, I wanted to acknowledge that because I think sometimes

we all can have those feelings of like, oh, my kid deserves the mom.

639

00:45:46,326 --> 00:45:51,336

I was with my fourth baby, but my first baby got like

the messy, chaotic, like, I don't know what I'm doing.

640

00:45:51,336 --> 00:45:52,476

Anxious first time mom.

641

00:45:52,986 --> 00:45:54,546

And we don't get to do that to ourselves.

642

00:45:54,546 --> 00:46:02,436

Like our kids show up when they're supposed to show up, and

I know that, like I showed up the, the best that I could.

643

00:46:02,886 --> 00:46:04,656

And I know that that's true of you guys too.

644

00:46:04,656 --> 00:46:04,896

So.

645

00:46:05,335 --> 00:46:15,055

That's my little reminder that if you ever feel that or you

feel that hangover like a postpartum or pregnancy season with

your baby and thinking that they deserve better, don't do that.

646

00:46:15,085 --> 00:46:15,445

Okay.

647

00:46:15,505 --> 00:46:20,005

We're gonna just like, we're gonna cut that off and we're not gonna live under that.

648

00:46:20,605 --> 00:46:22,735

So, whoops.

649

00:46:22,765 --> 00:46:23,395

Sorry.

650

00:46:23,575 --> 00:46:26,875

My third apology, but let's move on from that.

651

00:46:26,875 --> 00:46:28,405

That is.

652

00:46:29,230 --> 00:46:32,530

Where I do wanna end with this second story though.

653

00:46:32,550 --> 00:46:36,120

And I do hope, you know, like I will share my third birth story.

654

00:46:36,120 --> 00:46:37,710

I'm gonna record that one soon.

655

00:46:37,710 --> 00:46:43,100

And I think it's, it's a good piece to this

puzzle because it's just like a good reminder of.

656

00:46:43,425 --> 00:46:48,655

Redemption and growth and that things will not always be the way that they are.

657

00:46:49,105 --> 00:46:58,849

I loved being a mom of these two girls, and I, I did love having

two under two and I also was some of the hardest years of my life.

658

00:46:58,849 --> 00:47:07,633

And so these were the years where I'm like, Hey, like I, I had, I had

to hold both and do both, and you know, in theory we always do, right?

659

00:47:07,633 --> 00:47:07,723

But.

660

00:47:08,878 --> 00:47:12,808

These were, these were some really dark, heavy ears.

661

00:47:13,064 --> 00:47:20,618

And then I think my other births and my other postpartums, kind of

inject a lot of like, hope and redemption back into the stories too.

662

00:47:20,618 --> 00:47:27,068

So if you're in one of those darker where you're like,

Ugh, this doesn't feel right, this doesn't feel fair.

663

00:47:27,488 --> 00:47:30,428

I don't know that you have to have another baby to redeem whatever's going on.

664

00:47:30,458 --> 00:47:35,588

But I think it's a good reminder that like the hope comes back and, and I will say.

665

00:47:36,203 --> 00:47:41,933

My second baby was this ball of absolute joy.

666

00:47:41,963 --> 00:47:43,433

My first baby was serious.

667

00:47:43,433 --> 00:47:44,363

She still is.

668

00:47:44,438 --> 00:47:48,068

And this second baby came along and we were like, who knew?

669

00:47:48,158 --> 00:47:54,518

Like babies smiled this much and could be this

joyful and be, I don't know, she's just so outgoing.

670

00:47:54,518 --> 00:47:55,928

She's down for everything.

671

00:47:55,988 --> 00:47:57,908

She says yes to everything.

672

00:47:57,908 --> 00:48:03,592

She thinks she can do anything, and it's so fun to

watch, she has been that way since the day she was born.

673

00:48:03,592 --> 00:48:03,922

So.

674

00:48:04,253 --> 00:48:08,203

I share that as well, just to say like, yes, I was not the version of myself.

675

00:48:08,203 --> 00:48:14,863

I wish that she got during those years, but man,

she was the baby that I needed during those years.

676

00:48:14,923 --> 00:48:16,748

So I don't know where you're at.

677

00:48:17,528 --> 00:48:24,391

I don't know if this feels like such a downer to you, but I

do want you to hear all of those things right here at the end.

678

00:48:24,518 --> 00:48:28,898

That we get the babies we need when we need them,

and that they show up when they need to show up.

679

00:48:29,103 --> 00:48:34,383

And that you are absolutely doing the best you can in all of those seasons.

680

00:48:39,154 --> 00:48:42,064

Speaker 4: Thank you so much for listening to the Lo and Behold podcast.

681

00:48:42,394 --> 00:48:47,524

I hope there was something for you in today's episode

that made you think, made you laugh or made you feel seen.

682

00:48:48,094 --> 00:48:55,444

For show notes and links to the resources, freebies, or discount codes

mentioned in this episode, please head over to lo and behold podcast.com.

683

00:48:56,014 --> 00:49:02,254

If you aren't following along yet, make sure to tap, subscribe,

or follow in your podcast app so we can keep hanging out together.

684

00:49:03,034 --> 00:49:06,394

And if you haven't heard it yet today, you're doing a really good job.

685

00:49:06,964 --> 00:49:14,494

A little reminder for you before you go, opinions shared by guests of this show are

their own, and do not always reflect those of myself and the Labor Mama platform.

686

00:49:14,854 --> 00:49:21,874

Additionally, the information you hear on this podcast or that you

receive via any linked resources should not be considered medical advice.

687

00:49:22,204 --> 00:49:24,934

Please see our full disclaimer at the link in your show notes.