Welcome to the Mindful Dog Parent, the podcast for overwhelmed and anxious dog owners who are doing their best but still feel like they're getting it all wrong.

I'm Sian, a trauma informed coach and ethical dog trainer.

I created this podcast because dog parenting isn't always cute reels and perfect walks.

Sometimes it's tears after training, guilt in the quiet moments, or just feeling like.

You'Re the only one struggling.

If you've ever said, I love my.

Dog, but this is really hard, you're in the right place.

Each week I'll bring you calm, compassionate guidance to help you build confidence, regulate your emotions, and reconnect with your dog.

Even when things feel messy because you're not failing, you're just overwhelmed and you don't have to figure this out on your own.

You know those moments where you think, I should be further along by now?

Surely your dog's still barking, they're still pulling, they're still struggling, and you are starting to wonder if it's you that's doing something wrong.

Here is what I want you to know.

You're not failing.

You're in the messy middle.

This is the place where growth doesn't actually look like progress just yet.

And yet is the biggest word in that whole sentence.

I'm Sian and this is is the Mindful Dog Parent.

Today we're going to be diving into what I call the invisible growth phase.

This is the point where you've been putting in the effort, you've been showing up, you've been trying to stay calm, but everything still feels stuck.

So if you've been doubting yourself or feeling like all of that hard work that you're putting in isn't paying off, this episode is for you.

I have been there myself with this in different aspects of my life.

It's always going to be brought back to the context of dog training because it's very relevant to this as well.

So that's why I wanted to talk about it.

In this episode, there's a part of the dog training journey that no one really prepares you for.

It's not the excitement of the beginning or the success stories that you hear online.

It's that long, quiet stretch in between that is the messy middle.

And that is where progress feels invisible.

You've learned all the theory, you're doing the ethical kind, connection based work that we talk about all of the time, but your dog is still reacting on walks, still ignores you sometimes, still finds the world outside overwhelming.

And because of how our nervous systems work, that uncertainty is going to start to feel like danger.

Your brain wants black and white results.

That's just how it works.

That is proof that the effort is worth it.

When it can't find that proof quickly, it's going to tell you you must be failing.

That is what it is starting to tell yourself.

But here's what's actually happening.

Your brain and your dog's brain are both rewiring.

That's slowly, that's quietly in the background, and it's just not visible yet.

So growth often hides behind the pauses.

So it's like those moments where you held your patience a little longer or you took a breath instead of snapping.

You noticed your dog's stress signals instead of pushing through.

They aren't failures there.

Those are nervous system wins.

Those are things that weren't happening before that are happening now.

And they're small wins.

So think back to the previous episode, episode 18, and we were talking about those micro wins and I've mentioned it in other episodes as well.

That is something that we want to celebrate and recognize.

And it's really hard to do it.

That's why I'm mentioning it again and again and again, because it's something that I want to keep bringing you back to.

And here's why.

Feeling stuck is actually part of the process.

So think of your nervous system like a muscle.

Every time you respond calmly, you're strengthening that muscle.

But just like muscle building, growth is happening in the recovery, not in the repetition.

So there are going to be dips, there are going to be plateaus, there are going to be moments where you feel like you've gone backwards.

But those are the recalibration moments.

Your system is adjusting to a new baseline.

So you're changing things and you're shifting things and it's all starting to come together in the background.

And that's where a new baseline is coming in.

I see this all the.

All the time with clients.

I've seen it in myself as well.

So clients say it feels like nothing's changing.

And then when we look back over their notes or videos from a few weeks ago, or we even kind of go into the session.

So this is something we talked about maybe at the beginning of the session.

We start that session and actually the realization is that their dog's barking is actually shorter.

The dog's recovering much quicker.

Their voice as a human sounds calmer.

So not the dog's voice barking, but their voice sounds calmer.

So it kind of comes back to a client I've spoken to and worked with recently who I'm still working with.

We came into the session and she said that very thing.

I don't feel like we've made much progress since last session.

In that last session we started kind of.

It was reactivity that we were working with and the dog was really quite highly reactive in different situations.

And it took quite a long time for her to recover.

And it took about till about halfway through the session for her to start to be more relaxed in the presence of the other dog over the road.

We went into the next session, she'd said that when, when I arrived, we went outside and started to work on what we were doing.

And then a dog turned up, kind of came from behind some houses and went down the road opposite.

And at that distance, normally the dog would have reacted.

And she said, actually she was much, much calmer in that situation at the distance that we were at versus how she would have been before.

So that was a big win.

So it's something that hadn't been recognized in the past.

So that was a big win.

And then when we actually went into the session and started working on things, her recovery was much, much quicker and we could actually get much closer, much faster that second time round versus the first time.

So those are the things that I want everybody to try and recognize.

And it's really hard to try and recognize it yourself.

That's why when I turn up to sessions and when I have those conversations with people, it's not just right.

Let's just get straight into the session.

I have a conversation with them about how they're feeling, how they feel the progress is going, what things they think have changed or not, and then we can go from there so I can meet them where they're at, both for them and their dog.

So that's what progress means.

That is when progress is actually happening.

It just wasn't loud, it wasn't big progress.

So it was just small things that were.

That were different.

And we recognize that.

So this is where we need to shift that question from why isn't this working yet?

To what am I learning right now?

Because when you look at your journey through the lens of understanding where we're at right now and what am I learning?

You are going to start to see growth everywhere, absolutely everywhere.

So this can help you in dog training, it can help you in your life.

And it's helped me in my own life as well, because things have felt like they're stagnant and haven't progressed or worked in, in different ways before for me.

But when I've taken a pause and stopped and tried to look at things and ask myself a different question and reframed it.

Actually, I've learned a lot and I've made more progress than I actually thought I had in the beginning.

So now I want to talk about the F word, not the one that you're thinking.

The F word I'm talking about is failure.

When something goes wrong, your dog might lunge or you might lose your patience.

Your brain is going to log that and it's going to log it as proof that you can't do it.

But the nervous system doesn't learn through perfection.

It's going to learn through repair.

So every rupture, every misstep, that is a chance to reconnect.

And it's a way to show your dog and yourself that even when things are going wrong, we can come back to calm together.

So perfection just doesn't exist.

It's not a real thing, but it's something that a recovering perfectionist I have struggled with in the past.

So when you start to reframe it and look at it in a different way, where actually when we take that step back, which is very natural, very normal, it might be that you take two steps back, that's actually progress that's being made right now and you're making it together and you can come back to a place with your dog that you potentially wouldn't have got back to previously.

So that's co regulation.

That is trust building.

And its real definition of success.

That's what we want to start to define success as.

Your doesn't need your dog, doesn't need you to get it right every single time.

It's not about that.

They just need you to recover well.

So knowing that that resilience is there takes time to build resilience.

It's not something that we're all naturally kind of born with and have.

We have to learn how to build it in different situations.

So next time you catch yourself spiraling into that guilt, I want you to ask yourself, did I repair?

Did I reconnect?

Did I try again with kindness?

And that's not just kindness to your dog, that's kindness to you as well.

And if the answer is yes to those questions, that is the progress that we want to see and that's progress that you can celebrate.

So there are three ways that we can reframe failure into growth.

So I want to turn what we've talked about into something that you can use this week, as always.

So three small reframes for when you Start to doubt yourself.

So the first one is taking it from I failed, but reframing it as I noticed.

So the fact that you noticed really does mean that your awareness is growing.

That is the first step towards change.

I've said this before.

I said it in the previous episode as well.

When we have this awareness, we can see a lot, lot more and we start to make more and more changes moving forward.

So that is the big one from I failed to.

I noticed.

The second reframe is taking the thought process from My dog's not improving and reframing it as we're learning what doesn't work.

So that's information that we can move forward with.

And information, as always, is going to build that clarity.

So if you listen to episode 18, you will have heard some tips that I've given you.

And it's about building evidence of your own and proof of your own.

Rather than trying to take external things into your world, you are going to make it so that your brain, you're telling your brain and body and nervous system that actually you are creating your own evidence.

So it kind of links to that as well.

And then the third reframe is taking it from I can't do this reframing it to I'm still learning how to do this.

So language really does matter in this one.

One starts to shut your nervous system down because you're saying, I can't do this.

The other reframe, the I'm still learning how to do this, keeps it open to possibility.

So every time you use those reframes, you're helping your brain and your dog's brain stay in learning mode instead of survival mode, which is potentially where you've been stuck for quite a long time.

So this week, I really want you to keep what I called what I like to call a growth journal.

So really simple.

It doesn't have to be complicated.

I like to keep things as simple as possible.

Every day, I really want you to write down one thing that didn't go to plan, one thing that you did differently.

Because if you always do the same thing, you will always get the same results.

So I want you to think about what you did differently and then one thing that you're proud of, even if it is tiny, it's not about making these big statements of, I made this huge change, and this means that I'm really proud of this big thing.

If that's something that's happened, amazing.

These big changes and big proud moments are something to celebrate.

But it's about the small things as well.

So even if you can't recognize a big thing, just try to think back about your week or the last couple of weeks.

Write down one thing that you're proud of, even if it is tiny.

At the end of the week.

Whenever you're listening to this, if it's already the end of the week, write it down and just look over it and reflect on it.

But at the end of the week, I want you to read it back.

You are going to see the truth your nervous system can't always feel in the moment and that is that you are actually growing.

So you're not failing your dog.

As I always like to say in my sign off, you're learning together, step by step, breath by breath.

And every time you choose awareness, patience or compassion, that is growth.

So thanks so much for listening to the Mindful Dog Parent.

If this episode has helped you to breathe a little easier, please please do share it with a friend or family member who you feel needs that reminder as well.

And make sure you follow the show so that you never miss an episode.

You are really doing better than you think.

I'll see you next time.

Thanks so much for tuning in to the Mindful Dog Parent.

If this episode gave you something to think about or it just made you feel a little less alone, I would.

Love it if you followed the show.

And shared it with another dog parent who needs it.

You'll find all the links and and resources mentioned in the show notes@lavendergardenanimalservices.co UK podcast and I would love to stay in touch so head there if you want to explore more ways to work with me or get support.