All right, Dr. Melissa Sonners, welcome to the

QVC podcast. I'm really looking forward to this

chat.

I am, too. Thank you so much for having me. I'm

so excited to take a real life, busy woman

approach to all the things that we're going to

talk about.

Yes. Because this, I think, is really needed. We

are so keen on learning all the information and

looking at all the science. And I know I won't

look at my stats and people just, like, scroll

through till there's like, the longest science

sound bite enough in the podcast. And, like, it's

almost like I don't want it. Maybe addiction's a

little strong, but people, I think, really want a

lot of information. And sometimes the piece

about, like, okay, what does that look like in

our lives day to day either gets skipped over or

we become super extreme about it.

Yeah, I think we're surrounded by so, so much

helpful information. We are in the age of

information. Like, you can learn about anything

on YouTube from making a sourdough to resetting

your circadian rhythm, I mean, to fixing your

car. Like, you literally learn everything. And so

it's, how do we. How do we kind of like, filter

out the information that we don't always need to

be focused on? How do we make it realistic for

our lives? How do we kind of chunk it down to

what's applicable to us and now and then how can

we actually fit that? How can we actually fit

that into our daily rhythm without becoming

overwhelmed and stressed about how we're doing it

when we're doing it, or the days when we're not

able to fit it in? Because that's essentially

taking us in the complete opposite direction of

what we're aiming for anyway. Like, those things

just make us stressed and sick and feel chaotic,

and that's not what any of us are going for. So

super excited to talk this out.

Yes. All right, so let's start out by just doing,

like, a high level version of your story.

So you are both.

You are a trained chiropractor, but you're also.

And you're also a mom, and you also hit the wall

with your own health. And so your work now is a

combination of all of those.

Yes.

I love a little bit about what happened.

Yeah, I love to say, you know, I'm trained as a

chiropractor. I'm an alignment guide and nervous

system specialist. And so for 15 years, I was

working in the practice. My main patient base was

pregnant mamas. Mamas leading up to pregnancy,

prenatal, postpartum, and through Their mama

journey. And then pediatric chiropractor.

Chiropractic. I'm a board certified pediatric

chiropractor. I think I'm one of like 52 in North

America. There might be more at this point, but

that really is like my specialty and my favorite.

That being said, you know, my platform is be

inspired. Mama. M a M A meaning I speak to all

the women. Like, I love the term mama for every

woman because I think we all nurture and take

care of loved ones, friends, family. And so I

just want to make it super clear that this

message applies to every woman out there and

actually a lot of men as well. So I was, you

know, as a chiropractor. My husband's a

chiropractor too. You saw him for a moment

helping us with tech support when he couldn't get

in the, in the room. We had grown our practice

together. We built our practice, we built a

family. We've got three children. They're still

pretty young. They're 14, 12 and 8 at this point.

But I was doing all the things, you know, I think

for many of us women, we look at self care as

this like to do item, as this thing that we're

supposed to somehow fit in. You know, I had

always heard the mantra, put your oxygen mask on

before assisting others. I don't know, have you

heard that or was that just like super prevalent

to me? Yep. And so I'm like, okay, great. How do

I do that? Where do I fit that in? Yes. Where's

this oxygen mask that's just going to like drop

down? No, I have to somehow carve out time. Well,

I had a full patient load of practice. We run a

very large holistic wellness center in New

Jersey. There's 30 staff members in that

building. I was managing them all. I was also

homeschooling our three children at the time.

Like, you could not put more on my plate. And I

think, you know, the way that my plate looks,

maybe the things I was specifically doing are

different from other women. But I think we all

have a very full plate. And so to me, it's like I

was doing what I thought I could do to take care

of myself, to put my oxygen mask on first. And it

was hard, right? Like in the long list of to do

items, where do I finally get to that? And like

if the daily rhythm, when I feel scattered and

chaotic and have those crazy moments, whether

it's like I was running out the door and late and

then one of our kids had a meltdown over like

their shoe being Tied wrong. Like that's, that's

when I needed the self care, right. I couldn't in

that moment go lay on a massage table or go get

the pedicure or whatever it was. So, you know, I

feel like I didn't do a great job of fitting it

in. But like what I was doing is I was working

out because that's what was important to me,

right? So I would get up extra early before the

day began. For me that was like 4:30am I am a

morning person, so like that's not crazy for me.

I go to bed at 9. I'm like asleep by 9. But it

wasn't, you know, my body was giving me signals

is like the biggest message that I want women to

hear. My body was giving me these little whispers

and signals that what I was doing was not

working. And I think like a lot of women, we have

become experts at quieting that voice. For me,

that voice was like, I'm tired, I want to sleep

in. And I would be like, hell you are. We're

getting up and we're working out and so I'm going

to give you a ton of coffee and we're going to go

to the gym, right? That voice would be like,

today I need slow, I need to put my feet up. And

I would quiet that voice like, nope, we're

supposed to work out because that's how we're

going to stay, you know, fit and doing all the

things and putting our oxygen mask on first. I'd

get to the end of the day and it's like, I just

want to snuggle with my children. No, you're

going to now go to that appointment because this

is your self care and you scheduled this thing

when you scheduled it. It sounded delightful. And

now you're like not wanting to miss out on family

time, but you had this commitment for this to do

item that's filling your cup. So like I just, I

felt like I was just constantly swirling, you

know, like so many of us are. And you know, I

look at stress as a bucket. I used to teach this

to my patients. Like we all have a bucket of the

stress that we can handle. And there's physical,

chemical and emotional stressors and they all

stack up as fluid in this bucket. And when your

bucket gets full, whatever that last little thing

is, it could be so small, that last drop, the

water will overflow. And that's when we have

major symptoms. We have symptoms all the way

leading up, but because they're kind of quiet and

under the radar and we don't listen to our bodies

the way that we're intended to. We skip over. And

so our buckets often overflow. And that's when we

finally make time or when we finally figure out

ways of what needs to work for us. Like, we.

It's. We wait too long. Right. And I think that's

kind of our culture. Like, we don't give space

for. Think about, as a woman, how hard it can be

if, you know, maybe you told this friend you were

going to meet her for a drink on Friday night or

whatever, and Friday night comes in, you're

exhausted. But, like, can we actually text or

call that friend and be like, I'm just not

feeling it. I just really want to be on my couch

right now? I think, you know, if you've spoken

out and practiced boundaries and established the

friendship circles that you deserve, you can. I

think for a lot of women, that boundary is hard.

And so we wouldn't say no unless we were like, I

am flat out laid out. I have the flu.

Yeah, I am. I had a fever.

That's it.

Yeah.

So it's like we have to wait until we're really

bad before we actually make time for ourselves.

And for me, that hit, and I was in my mid-30s. We

had a 6, a 4, and a 1 year old, and I got a

horrible form of neurological Lyme disease

coupled with mold toxicity, and that was my drop.

Right. And as a doctor, I know that people walk

around with lime in their blood. People walk

around with mold toxicity, and it's not great,

but their immune systems can handle it. Right. So

to me, it wasn't the tick bite, and it wasn't

necessarily the mold that threw me over. It was

all that I had let accumulate in my bucket. Does

that make sense to you? Like, it was just. It was

that final straw that broke the camel's back, and

it was. Yeah, yeah.

You didn't have enough inner resources to deal

with those things. Yeah, those extra things, they

just took you down.

I was just running on cortisol on beta, which,

you know, I would love to talk about some

brainwave stuff later on in, like, the. The tools

that we're going to give women from this episode.

I want them to walk away with tangible

information, but I was running my life in beta

brainwave, which just meant I wasn't slowing down

from the moment I hit the ground to the moment I

went to bed, whether it was the speed of my

thoughts or the speed of my actions. And so my

body didn't give me a choice. I mean, I

literally. I couldn't find my way to our office,

which was two miles from our home. I built that

office with my husband and went there almost

every day for 15 years.

Wow. And you, like, actually couldn't physically

get there, navigate your way there.

It was like, you know when you walk out of a room

and you forget what you went in the other room to

get? Yes, it was like that, but I've had that,

and I know that feeling. It was like that,

Meredith, but so much worse and so much scarier

and, like, I couldn't even remember why. Not only

why I walked within the room, but, like, what

room I was physically in. It was so bizarre. It

felt like someone put cobwebs all over my brain.

And so what I would do on the way to work, for

some reason, I could remember the address. I just

couldn't. Like, it's like I couldn't zoom above

and figure out how to get somewhere on a road.

Like, you couldn't, like, orient yourself?

I couldn't. In the world.

That's so scary.

So I would literally pull over and type the

address in the map, and I would get there, and I

told no one. You know, Like, I would just. I

would take some ibuprofen, and I would have some

caffeine, and I'm like, I've got people to take

care of. And I would keep pushing through, and it

just got worse and worse and worse. And, you

know, my spine started, like, blocking up. Like,

I realized at some point, like, this is systemic.

There's something going on. I went in to get some

tests run. It was on a Sunday. The doctor at

urgent care tried to send me away. He's like,

you're just a tired mom. I was like, no, I'm not.

Go home and rest. Go home and rest. So because

I'm in the healthcare field, I knew enough to

know, you know, I was like, I'm not leaving your

office unless you'll write in my chart that you

refuse to run blood work on me. And so he did,

and we got my results. And my husband's a

functional medicine practitioner. Like,

thankfully, we are armed with the resources,

information, and knowledge that I was able to get

a lot better really quickly. So I consider myself

very lucky. But the coolest thing that happened

in all that, because I really think our mess

becomes our message, is I realized, like, when I

got better, that I had to figure out a better way

because what I was doing, doing wasn't working

for me. I had to get better at, like, hearing

that voice at the end of the night that I'm

exhausted. I had a long day, I need to put my

feet up. And instead my reality was I needed to

cook dinner for our three kids and family. And so

instead of like listening to that voice and

trying to figure out somewhere in between, I

would have a glass of wine. Like, no judgment. I

still enjoy wine now and then. But like, the

intention behind the wine was an escape. I can't

fix what I need. I can't give myself what I need.

And so I'm going to give myself this and it's

going to make me not care. It was the intention

behind the practices that I had built in. I'm

exhausted. I don't want to get up and go to the

gym, but I'm going to go. And so I'm going to

have this huge, highly caffeinated beverage so

that I can go. I still love my coffee. But it's

like a very different intention the way that I

have it. It's not an escape from what my body's

telling me. And so, you know, over the last

decade, I've really, I geek out on science. I'm

very tapped in and tuned into my body. And so I

basically have like, dug doubled down on like

listening to these messages that we get. And then

I've paired it with neurology. And what I have

figured out is, you know, self care isn't. Isn't

this escape out of us? It doesn't have to be this

one hour routine or ritual. Self care is

connection. And when we can connect back into

like an internal anchor, when instead of escaping

from ourselves, we can escape home to ourselves

in the most chaotic moments, it changes

everything. And that's connection. And that

literally takes a matter of like minutes, if not

seconds. And this is how we actually take care of

ourselves as women. And so to me, this is, you

know, this is a movement that's being created. I

mean, it is time. Like we have been trying to

follow the system of self care that doesn't work

for us. And instead of looking at the system as

being flawed, we're thinking that there's

something wrong with us. Yeah.

Because.

Yeah.

What I'm, I'm really hearing in your story is

that you were like, I'm doing the self care

things, I'm working out, I'm going to the

appointments, I'm doing the things. And we do, we

do that. We're like, okay, these are all the

things that I was told or that I've somehow

decided in my head are the correct things to be

doing. So if there's a problem, it's obviously my

fault. I was not doing it hard enough or long

enough or consistently enough or whatever.

Enough. When in reality it's like, how is it

working out for you? And maybe this system you've

devised or someone else has devised and imposed

upon you, however it worked out is not the right

thing.

And Also, I think 100% what you just said. And

also, how many times do we as women compare

ourselves to another woman who's out there doing

it? Well, maybe she's doing it at, you know, for

us women that still have our cycle, you're

looking at her in ovulation and you're in luteal

phase. And like, cycle syncing is super powerful

and I love that. I'll call that a movement too.

Because what cycle syncing has done is instead of

us putting the shame on us, like, what's wrong

with me? It's empowering because we now have

information. I'm in my luteal phase. I'm not

going to want to go crush the gym. And it gives

you just enough of like the foundation of what's

going on to lean in and actually listen when your

body says in your luteal phase that I want to

sleep in. I think women now who have that

information are more empowered to be like, so I'm

gonna. Yes, this is the time that I do.

Even if people, even if we miss a sunrise.

And that's all, sometimes we.

Just need to sleep.

And that is all self inflicted. That pressure is

self inflicted, right? So like, if I sleep in,

I'm gonna miss the sunrise. And I'm now supposed

to do this whole morning routine and all these

things. Like, nobody out there is judging you.

Nobody out there cares. It's like if you're in a

huge room and everyone's dancing and we're self

conscious about what we look like, everybody else

is worried about themselves. No one is looking at

you. No one cares. You know, like, and I don't

mean that to be hurtful. I mean that to be like,

eff it, do what works for you. Because you're the

only one that you got and you're the only one

that cares. Right? Like, we owe it to ourselves

to get back tapped into that voice. And that's

part of what I love doing with women. Like, we're

constantly looking outside of us for permission

to rest, permission to pause, permission to have

boundaries. We're waiting for someone to be like,

no, no, like, take it off, I'll take care of you.

Like, you're Tired we're looking for, I feel

yucky. What can make me feel better? Let me go

buy the thing. Let me go have the appointment.

Let me go look on social media. Let me go scroll

my phone. Let me go find out who needs me. So I

get a dopamine hit and feel wanted, needed,

worthy, productive. So, like, what if we could

just learn, and this is what I work with women

on, and we'll talk about it in here. Like, I

really want any woman taking the time to listen

to this, to. To have information. But what if the

biggest thing that you did is, you know, instead

of looking to all the outside sources in those

moments you knew to came home, come home to

yourself, and just like cycle syncing does for

permission to sleep in on your luteal phase, what

if in all those moments, you could quiet all that

outside noise and simply be like, what is it that

I want? And hear that voice and answer that, and

it is that simple. That takes seconds. It's free.

It's accessible at any time. And the more you

start to do it, that whisper voice gets freaking

so loud and clear. And that's it. Like, I love

books, I love podcasts. But, like, let's stop in

the age of information, listening to everyone

else's voice and forgetting about our own,

because this is the one. Like, we have our best

teacher, our best guru, our best guide, our best

advice. It's all right here. We've just forgotten

how to go in.

Yes. And that is truly the whole point of all of

this, because I have yet to go in and check with

myself and have myself be like, you need some

blue light after dark. When we do check in with

ourselves, what we want is usually nourishing, is

usually connected to a larger rhythm that we're

uncovering our part in.

Yeah.

That idea of making ourselves the director or

giving ourselves the ultimate authority over our

own experience, our own existence. And I know

people who perhaps aren't there yet would really

benefit from clear direction, but somewhere along

the path, we have to reach this point that you're

talking about, or we will just stay in this cycle.

Yeah, I think the direction is really important

when you're new on your journey, and the

information is really important when you're new

on your journey. And for those people, I would

say, because there's a lot of information out

there. Right. You kind of expose yourself to a

variety of it and then lean into whatever one

feels like a. Like a yes in your body, like

whatever one you feel pulled to, called to.

That's your one. And I would focus on one, and

maybe it's one for three months, six months,

maybe it's one for the year. Because we can look

at so many things and try to incorporate them

all, and then it's too much and we're like,

scattered or stressed. And it feels like this

tool doesn't work. The tools work. I think we're

just overworking the tools. Yeah, there you go.

For the person who's familiar with this

information, who's maybe like, overwhelmed by it

or doing too much of it, this is so important as

a chiropractor, I will tell you this. And if you

don't believe, like, if you don't own it yet in

your body, you can have my belief until you do.

All these tools that we're all out here talking

about, whether it's red light instead of blue

light, or whether it's grounding in nature or

watching the sun, all that, all of these tools do

is get you back to your natural state. Yes, you

are the medicine. It's you. It's not these tools.

They are your crutch when you have forgotten. And

so the goal is. I call it alignment. The goal is

alignment. The goal is getting back to you. And

that's my lens as a chiropractor. But that is my.

Like, that is when you look at the neurology,

when you look at the science, like, that is what

they're doing. You're the magic. You always have

been. You've just gotten out of touch with it.

It's you. Yes.

Yes. I love that. And I just want to give

everyone a second to really feel that, because

it's so true. And, yeah, this information and

these tools bring us back to that place. But,

yeah, we have to connect inside. There's no one,

there's no one on Instagram who's going to tell

you what your experience is.

Right. And we could, even if you feel it's

helpful, we can even walk through some of the

tools and like, how that applies to you, going

back to you so it's tangible. Let's do it for the

people listening. Because I think to start, a lot

of women might not even know what it feels like

to be in alignment or to be connected. Right. And

so I would start by just touching on that. Like,

when we're in that place, our nervous system

feels calm, our heart rate feels regulated. It's

like either it's a moment or that day where

you're just like, it's flow state. I have a lot

going on. I can approach it from this place. I

can handle it all. And then there's those days

where you feel like you can't. Right. So here's

an example. I had my team, A lot of my team is

based in Philippines, and this morning I woke,

and there's all these messages on my phone. We

have a podcast episode going out today. There's

just, like, miscommunication and confusion and

so, like, it could have been full on cortisol,

scattered, stressed, blah, blah, blah. And I

definitely have those moments and days, like,

even with all that, I know, like, I am

practicing, I'm not perfecting this. But today I

felt grounded. I had taken a few minutes in the

morning before even peaking to do the things that

connect me internally. And we can talk about

those. But what I mean is, like, I think every

woman has had those experiences where, like,

something little happens, like, someone cuts you

off and you're not proud of how you showed up.

Yeah.

Even though you've got the namaste sticker on

your car, you're like, we've all been there. And

then there's the days where someone goes to cut

you off and you're, like, waving and like, bless

you. And I will tell you, it is not you had a

good coffee. It is not because you're having a

good hair day. It is not because your outfit.

It's not because you had amazing sex with your

husband that morning. It is because you are fully

connected to you. You are in alignment. And so

once we can help women understand that and we can

give them the tools and remind them how to come

back home, that's it. Like, game over. Everything

from there is easy. You're then not focused on

your to dos as your only measure of, like, how

it's going in your life. Your number one priority

becomes, how do I be as I go through my to dos?

And that changes everything.

Yes.

It's.

So you're reminding me. Yeah. Like, I don't know,

years ago. I won't say numbers, but years ago,

when I was going through my own early stage of

healing process and, you know, learning to

meditate and learning to pray and learning all of

these things, and I could not. I couldn't do it.

I just couldn't find that, you know, what you're.

What you're describing here. It was not available

to me at that time. And I came across this

meditation. And I wish I could remember who it

was, because God bless him. And it was. It was

this. It was like, for five minutes, just pretend

everything's okay, and I'll say, oh, oh, You.

I want to. I was listening to you on your.

Podcast and you were talking about, like, we

can't be in a state that we don't. That we don't

know. That is not. That is totally unfamiliar to

us.

Yeah.

And what that. The gift of that very simple

instruction gave me was that I was like, oh, I

actually don't know what it's like for everything

to be okay. I think that is a totally unfamiliar

state.

And I think that start out by pretending and then.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's so beautiful. I'm so glad you said

that, because I would imagine if we pulled the

women out there, I mean, I wouldn't be surprised

if 85%, 90% of women, we would have completely

lost on this concept if we didn't first talk

about, like, there needs to be that bridge or

that portal from. Here's how I'm used to feeling.

Here's my body and nervous system feel like. And

now you're telling me to, like, sit and connect

inside. Like, what the hell does that mean? Like,

I don't even know. So what is the bridge in the

portal to get you there? And that's where the

tools are really powerful. That's where, you

know, a book is really powerful. We can talk

about that. That was my first anchor tool. But

just some simple science, because this is really

important. There's a part of your brain called

your amygdala. And the amygdala is like the

security guard of our life. And so the amygdalas,

the. The security guard is basically constantly

monitoring for any threat of our survival. What's

really interesting is that it doesn't only, you

know, check off dangerous situations we could be

in. Like, obviously, we're not going to walk

across the street because a car is coming. Those

are the obvious ones. But what's really important

to understand is anything unfamiliar, your

amygdala will flag as dangerous. So if there's a

woman who's been living in stress and cortisol

and she goes to just skip that bridge or portal

and just sit with herself, her amygdala is going

to flag that as danger because it's unfamiliar.

And the way it's going to show up is she's going

to think of every reason to distract herself out

of that situation and find the familiar. And so

she will go to her to do list. She will go to the

horrible thing going on in her family. She will

go to the stressful email that she wrote that

she's trying to work so hard to get away from

it's not because she's failing. It's because her

amygdala is doing its job. And so a really

important way that we create that bridge and

portal is by practicing. We're not going for

perfection. This is practice again. Everything

that I know and teach, like, there are days when

I mess it up, but I'm aware of what's going on,

right? And so we practice making calm, familiar.

And that takes time. But because I geeked out on

the brain, I've, like, learned how to hack the

system, harmonize I like better. And, like, how

in two minutes can we do this? And are there

times throughout the day where our brain is in a

more programmable state? There are. It's morning

and evening. So when you do these things in the

morning or evening, and if you stay in theta, a

very programmable brain state, which we skip over

theta, the second we look at our phone or white

light, you get double effect for half your time.

And so this is where, like, these morning and

evening practices. And this is where, you know,

the light, the red light becomes super important

so that you can just hover in theta. You wake up

already in it. You don't have to do anything.

You're in it. Surround yourself in some red

light. Like, there are such easy ways to do this.

Like, a red light bulb on Amazon costs $8. Put

one in a lamp, light a candle. Like, you don't

need anything. I have. Hold on. It's right here.

I have this little light I got on Amazon. It's an

amber. It goes on my book so I can read in the

morning. But, like, I use it as a flashlight.

This is too. This is two minutes, guys. I mean,

you're walking to. Like, I sit on that part of

the couch, or there's like, a mat right below me

here. You just walk to. I call it a sit spot. You

stay in theta. You keep your light dim. You

journal. You look at a candle. Journaling was so

overwhelming to me. Like, it's so much better. So

I walk women through that process, too. You read

a book. A book is such a great anchor tool for

reconnection because, you know, it kind of gives

you that escape that I think many women are maybe

subconsciously craving if they wake up and go on

their phone or emails or the news or whatever.

But when you read a book, you're actually going

inward if you read the right books. Like, yeah, I

have this online book club for women, and we only

read transformational nonfiction. Because what

that does is if you put that book in your hand,

you're going to walk away a little bit better,

right? In a little bit better place than if you

woke and you were like, oh, my God, how am I

going to do it all today? Oh, my God. That thing

yesterday went horribly like. It just is a great

bridge and portal to get you to the other place.

And if that's all you do when you go into your

day, it will be a better day. And one last thing

about the books, because I love the neurology. I

don't know why my camera keeps going in and out.

I know, I know. Okay.

Most of our downloads are audio, so.

Yeah. So when you read a book, this is really

cool. When your eyes move across the page slowly

from left to right and then zoom in on this. It's

really important, like, AI. And then you go

quickly from right to left. So literally, the way

that your eyes move when you're reading a book,

it activates part of your brain. It's called the

corpus callosum. It balances your right and left

hemispheres. Our left hemisphere has certain jobs

and our right has certain jobs, and when they're

in balance, we feel better. And so even if you

read, like, a magazine or even if you read, you

know, anything in that way, in that manner, you

are balancing your brain and you're going to calm

your nervous system. So these are the bridges and

portals that can take us from feeling scattered,

chaotic, stressed, and that being familiar, to

allowing our amygdala, the security guard, to be

like, ooh, I do recognize calm, contentment, and

this space is safe. Because the last thing on

that I want to say is, you know, a lot of us,

when we're running in that stress loop, we'll

say, we don't have time. I don't have time for

myself. I don't have time to catch my breath. I

don't have time to blah, blah, blah. We often

will start to find these many pockets of time.

One minute, two minutes, whatever. But you think

about if you were, like, doing the things I would

love for everyone to do in those moments,

Daydream, play a fun song, like, anything, but

catch up on your TO dos. If we were to do that

without establishing that bridge and portal and

teaching our amygdala, these moments are safe.

Like, we can't access calm in those micro

moments. We pull ourselves into the familiar. We

pull ourselves into the to dos. And so I'm a huge

fan of what I call microdosing connection. It's,

you know, you think about if you took someone and

you're like, okay, this person will either work

out one hour, once a week, translate that to self

care. This busy woman will either do, you know,

maybe once a month, an hour massage, or we take

that person who's working out and we're like,

they're going to move their body for 15 to 20

minutes every single day and they're gonna do

micro doses of workouts. We take that woman

instead of the one hour massage, she microdoses

connection in two minutes twice a day. Like, that

woman will do so much better off than the woman

who escaped even to the spa for like a weekend

and a month. That's how we do it.

This is so interesting. That is, I think, the

best explanation I've heard of why people freak

out when they try to meditate. Like the. The

state that we are trying to enter is literally

triggering fear because it's so unfamiliar that

that makes perfect sense. So there's so many

people who feel, you know, like I was describing

myself back in the day, like, which it's just

like that state is just not available. So these

tools that you're giving are so important because

it's giving us the baby steps.

And I think it's to get there. Yeah. The ba. Yes.

So I always want women to have what I call

anchoring tools. Those tools are the bridge. And

then it's being armed with the information, you

know, circling back. Just like cycle syncing. I

now know there's not something wrong with me

because of how I'm feeling in this phase of my

cycle. Right. That empowering information of

cycle syncing does that. Well now I hope any

woman listening to this who has tried to journal

and hasn't done it right in her mind or has tried

to meditate and feels like a failure or has tried

any other thing, breath, work, whatever, you name

it, it's not you failing, it's your body. It's

miraculous. It's doing exactly what it's supposed

to do, like pat on the back. Thank you, brain and

nervous system, you are very healthy and

efficient. And now we're going to work together

and I'm going to retrain you. I'm going to

program my hard wiring for a new way. We're going

to carve a new path, not only in my life or not

only in the choices that I'm taking, but in doing

so, we're literally creating new neural synapses

and connections. We're retraining our brain and

nervous system because whatever we're looking

for, we will start to find. This is why, like

gratitude, practice is so Effective, because if

you're looking for what you're grateful for,

you're more likely to see it and appreciate it.

Right. And so as we're retraining our nervous

system to start to understand calm and familiar,

and all you gotta do to do that is anchor two

minutes, even once a day. I probably likely get

it in once a day. But ideally, you know, morning

and evening are anchored in this regulation.

That's all you gotta do, like you're training it.

And so what's going to happen is, throughout your

day, when real life happens, you will start to

see the opportunities to slip back into yourself

when you need them the most. You're doing the

work without even realizing you're doing it.

Yes, yes. And that's totally true because you're

actually sort of, you know, giving words to my

experience. And so I started doing the morning

practice that you're talking about because I

learned about circadian rhythm and early morning

light. So the first thing I do in the morning is.

Is to go outside or to gaze out an open window.

But because I had an anchoring practice, it was

like, then what followed has followed over time

is that has become like a very sacred, quiet time

for me. And on the mornings, you know, where.

Where I'm rushed or there's a special early thing

or whatever the things, and it's like, yeah,

like, I. I go outside, but it's. I'm like, oh,

I'm already planning my day or whatever. It's not

the same. Yeah, like, the light hitting my

eyeballs is the same, but that interconnection

that you're describing is not the same. And then

it does affect. It does affect the day. And I

have also noticed, having done this now for a few

years, that throughout the day, those moments of

connections become more spontaneous. And it's

like, okay, I'm going to do this, and then I'm

going to go to. And it's like, in between, it's

like just gonna hit the pause button. Like, yeah.

30 seconds, 2 minutes, 5 minutes. It's

transformational. It really is. I mean, these are

really, really good tools.

And isn't it so beautiful that, you know, you

recognize, like, life is gonna happen? There are

days where we're either not gonna be able to do

it or we're not gonna do it right. And again,

it's why I love practice. Like, I love using the

word practicing. This is a practice. Practice

gives us permission to not do it perfectly. It

gives us empathy and compassion towards ourselves

as we're learning. And then also, you Know, in

those days where life does happen and we don't do

it right, it's not even that we're not doing it

right. We're humans. It's like, thank you for

that reminder that this is not any longer how I

like my life to go. This is how my life used to

feel, and now I know the power of these tools.

And so this is a reminder of how important this

is. But also understanding, you know, like the

8020 rule, if you can even get it 80% of the

time, like, that's huge. And then one last thing

that you just touched on that's really important

is, you know, just focus on one step. So it's one

step. Like, we can see these people in the age of

social media and YouTube, like, doing these

immaculate morning routines where they're like,

gratitude and journaling and gargling all the

things and like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, I can't.

I can't handle it. And we're looking at their 15

step routine. Like, it's just that one. Just do

the one step. Do the one thing. Because what

Meredith just said is, like, over time, then you

add on the next steps that work for you, but,

like, just do the one. I think we put so much

power in the big picture, and we lose the power

in one thing to move the needle. Think about if

all you changed was that you woke up and instead

of grabbing your phone, you went to your sit spot

and you spent two minutes without bathing

yourself in blue light, taking whatever action

stuff felt good, whatever action step felt best

for you, which might be drinking your coffee or

tea in peace. It might be writing in your journal

that you have no idea why you're journaling and

what this is supposed to do. And so I'm going to

list out the 10 things that I need to do today or

the five people that pissed me off yesterday.

Like, great, you did it. That's journaling. What

if you just did that one thing? And what if you

just did it once a day in the morning? And what

if you did it four days out of seven? Like, where

would your life be in two months from now or

three months from now? You would be in a very

different place. I could promise you. It's the

one. It's the one step.

Yes.

And it's the one step that's the most powerful.

And I think the reason that the one step feels so

hard to take is because we're looking at the

marathon. We're looking at the 15 step morning

that someone else is sharing on Instagram and if

we can stop doing that, the one step becomes way

more attainable and easy, especially if we're

doing it in community, either with our friends,

our loved ones, an online community where other

women are going through this together because

we're holding someone's hand. And, you know, in

those moments where you wake up and you're like,

I don't want to do it, whatever. Like, that's why

someone hires a personal trainer, because it's

accountability. Yeah. I might let myself down

right now, but I'm not going to let my friend

Melanie down. I told her we were doing this

together. And you're worth it. Like, it's so easy

and it works so well and it's so attainable and

you're worth it.

Yes. Yes, you are. And, yeah, I mean, it's like,

whatever you can do today, just good for you.

Yeah. And, you know, I do. I do find, like,

having sort of immersed myself, really not on

purpose. I don't even know how this happened. But

in this, like, health and wellness space, there's

so much healing that happens. But there's also

this idea, like someone, you know, especially

with social media and the content, constantly

needing new things to talk about, that it's

always like, oh, well, like this new thing has

popped up. Or when I'm not, okay, I'm doing this,

but I'm not doing that. And it's like, I. I love

your message of. Of finding your one thing,

finding the basics for you, and then following

your inner. Your inner voice and your body's

signals and letting your body be the guide.

Yeah. Because you think about that, you know,

whether it's in our. In our community, as one of

these people surrounded by this information, it's

overwhelming to us. Yeah, right. It's. It's

extremely overwhelming. And we're all trying to

do the best that we can. And for someone else,

this might show up. You know, for like, a new

mom, this might be like, am I sleep training? Am

I breastfeeding? Am I. There's a thousand new

parenting books to read, or someone wanting to

clean out their diet. Am I doing keto or Paleo?

Or, like, we are so inundated with information,

and when we can get back to us, like, all those

things, they're all there. And I think we still

make decisions and choices, but we are less

focused on the external and more on us. So this

could look like feeling ourselves get pulled into

it. I think we still do that. We can catch it

happening. Oh, my God. This person is now cold,

plunging, and weight training. And God only knows

what. Or it's cold plunge after the weights.

Well, let me see. Like, what feels right to me.

Yeah, cold plunge feels awesome today. Cold

plunge does not feel good today. Like, that

becomes your guide. So no matter what, new tech

toy, advice, movement, whatever comes out, like,

it doesn't matter. It's information. You can be

informed, but your life isn't dictated by all the

external noise. You can just always come back to

you and check with what you want in this moment,

what you need right now.

Yes. And that. And that is always available to

us. And we don't have to have read all of the

research or all of the books or taken all of the

programs. We just need to have, like, some

fundamental understandings, some fundamental

information, and then learned that we can. Our

bodies know.

Our bodies know. This is especially for women

listening. We're hardwired. Like, we are very

intuitive. And here's like, a good concrete

example of that. Whether you're a mother or

you're not, we literally have to read our baby's

minds the first year of their life. Like, they

can't communicate, and we're supposed to keep

them alive. And so we have parts of our brain

that help us do that. Like, we are so highly

intuitive. And for so long in the eons of life as

women, they were very connected with that. They

were very connected with their rhythms, with

their cycle with nature, with their inner voice

and guide. And like, we. I, in my strong opinion,

we are the cycle breakers of, like, the change in

women focusing on the external to getting back to

that place. Because it's so overdue, it's so

timely. I think everything has just gotten, like,

so fast and so much and so overwhelming. And I

think it's our role as women to, like, put the

hand back and protect our daughters or the next

generation of girls. Because I don't want this

for them. I think it's. If it's gonna keep going,

I fear for mental status of all the little girls

out there and the boys too. And so I really, you

know, and it's part of my why and my calling.

Like, I'm here to break that and create a

movement. And for us to do it this way, that is

so much more fun.

It is so much more fun. And you do just as much

like you.

You get it all done.

It's not like you're like, oh, I'm gonna have to

give up on that project or give up on that dream

and all the things.

If anyone's, like, listening to this and making

up stories in their head of, like, why I can do

this and they can't. Let me just tell you. I've

got three kids. I'm highly involved in their

school. I'm helping my husband run two of his

businesses. I just wrote a book with Hay House.

I'm running an online platform. I have a podcast.

And I'm not saying this to be like, look at me,

I'm cool. I'm saying this to highlight. Like, I

still get it all done. I work out almost every

day. I don't work out. I move my body. I do

gymnastics and acro because it's fun. I play, I

ride my bike. I meet up with my girlfriends.

Like, it's. You can do it all. But doing it all

and having it all, to me is about being it all

first. It's. Nothing changes except how you show

up as you're getting it all done. These things

take seconds, moments. I do them in front of my

kids because I want them to learn. I play a lot

because that's my reset. I'm a seven on the

Enneagram. I don't know if people know Enneagram,

but, like, for me, like, play is what brings me

back. So sometimes that's. A lot of times that's

listening to fun songs in the car with my kids

because that's what I have access to, right?

Like, how can I make this moment better? We just

had a crazy morning, and I feel spun out, and now

I'm in the car with my three beautiful children,

and I want to reset. I can't go get a massage,

but I can, like, blast Aerosmith, and we can sing

and laugh and have fun. Like, that's it. It's not

hard to fit in.

No. And that is it. That is it. Like, that's kind

of. I don't know if there's a secret to life.

That's probably it, right? It's like, what's

available to me in this moment to bring joy to

everybody involved, including myself. And it

doesn't have to be perfect or special cosmic

thing. It's just totally.

I had always heard, like, I don't know if this

was just in conferences I was in or if this is

common knowledge, but, like, if you watch a child

around the age of four to six, you will see their

calling. Like, you will see them. Whatever play

they're super attracted to is, like, part of what

they're here to do, right? So, like, when I look

at my kids, my first one was always, you know,

building in the Legos. He's got, like, Very much

of an engineer mind now at 14, my second one, I

was trying to keep from, from climbing the roof

when he was 2. Like, he is like, wanting to be a

future X gamer. My daughter, who's 8, was always

singing and like, she loves watching America's

Got Talent and like, wants to sing. Right. And so

I think, you know, they talk a lot about like,

play shows us what we're designed to do or be. I

will say play is the portal to our calling. So

when I look back to like what I was doing when I

was little, I was riding my bike and I was doing

gymnastics. And in getting back to that, as a 43

year old woman, like, I went back to gymnastics.

I love it.

I competed in my son's kid only competition. I've

hit the age of my life where I'm like, this is

too much fun and I see what's on the other side.

Oh my God. But play is the portal. Like in doing

those things, even for little moments throughout

the day or the week, like, I am beaming with

light and creativity and like, stuff is just

coming to me and through me. I just wrote this

book with Hay House. It's. I am so excited to

birth it.

Yeah, tell us about it.

Yeah, And I wrote it in like three months. Like

it came through me. And so I say all that to say

when we get back to Play, our life figures itself

out in this beautiful way because again, we're

getting back to us and we are here as human

beings. And when we can get back to our

beingness, not only will all the do's get taken

care of, but you have no idea like, what you're

capable of not in doing, but like the light that

you have and the connections that you can create

when you get back to you. So the book that I

wrote with Hay House, it comes out early 2026.

It's called the Connection code. And it's

literally all about all the things that we're

talking about. So it's like simple ways to get

back to yourself. I share a lot of enough of the

science so that people understand it. I share

some reflective exercises and prompts in each

chapter because I want women to literally be able

to implement it right away. And some other fun

stuff in there that's saved for when it comes out.

I love it. And yeah, I mean, this audience is

like very in tune with the idea of the quantum

field and quantum coherence. And what you're

describing is creating coherence and creating a

field that attracts opportunity. And it's Open to

possibility and. And to life unfolding in a way

that cannot when we're super contracted. Even if

we're contracted around really important things

like quantum biology and the science of healing.

Right.

If we're in that state of contraction, the

subject matter doesn't. The subject matter

doesn't matter. It's how we. How we are showing

up that matters.

A hundred percent. Yeah. I love that they're so

in tune with that because it's such a beautiful.

I mean, quantum is amazing and quantum is real.

You know, I went to a Joe Dispenza event a while

ago. I imagine you guys are familiar.

Yeah, I'm sure everyone.

Yeah. And that was him. God, I mean, he's a

chiropractor too, right? So I've got like extra

love for him. I felt like after day one, I walked

out and I'm like, it's real. Everything I have

felt my entire life has just been confirmed by

someone taking the quantum and showing me the

science behind it. And that's. That's how my

brain works. Right. And so, you know, for the

listeners that are very well versed in that

topic, like, this stuff is as true as that. Like,

I'm talking about inward connection and inward

voice, and the science behind it is all very

powerful. It's all very real. We have just lost

touch with it. But it's there. And I'll teach it

to you. I'll give it to you. Like, this is for

everybody. We all have it. We all have it. And

you know, just having the tools and awareness.

Awareness to get back. Because I think, you know,

as long as we're living this practice, we're in a

very human experience. And so we will constantly

be getting pulled out. But what's really powerful

is, you know, when you can pause enough and

become aware. We all know that in so many

aspects. And you can realize what's happening.

And in that process, you can make a choice,

right? This day. This day is unfolding in a crazy

way. I didn't get to stare at the sun or, you

know, whatever it was this morning. And it's

super high speed. Zoom out. Okay. What choices am

I making or not making that could change this?

And that's where we have the power. We have the

power and the awareness, the pause and creating

new choices for ourselves as much as what's

available in front of us. And I think that's

where, like, being well versed in tools that are

actually realistic in our lives is so powerfully

important.

Yes. Yeah. And, yeah, accessing ourselves and the

Relaxed, fun moments are, you know, just as

important as understanding all the other things.

Melissa, thank you so much for being here and

spending time. This was a really powerful message

and I'm really, really glad that we were able to

have this conversation and share this because I,

I love you all so much, but you get really,

really focused on the details. So I'm really glad

Melissa is here to kind of like lighten things up

a little bit.

Good. Well, thank you so much for having me. This

is my favorite thing to talk about. So, you know,

I've got tons of resources for any women that are

interested in learning more. I'm sure you'll.

So yes, share us your website. You are going to

be, Melissa is going to be speaking at Carrie

Bennett's and Oksana's Hanson's retreat, Return

to Nature, which is at the end of June 2025.

Depending when you're listening to this go. If

you're on our email list, you've got links and

then you. So you'll be there. And then your

website is.

Yes, I'll be there. I'm so excited for that

event. And My website is Dr. DrMelisSasoners.com

and from there they'll find I've got an active

YouTube channel and Instagram. I have an online

book club for women. That's like my favorite

project that I'm doing right now. It's not

project, it's a community and we're incorporating

all these things. You know, we use a book as like

our anchor tool for the month and we're reading

them together this month. We're reading Fast like

a Girl and Eat like a Girl. This is May.

Depending on when this goes out, we've got some

other ones lined up for the rest of the summer.

And then we chat, we get on a community call and

we talk about all things. The conversation

typically takes on a light life of itself. And

then lastly, I do like 30 day journeys and

experiences with as women. With these women,

everything that we do in those 30 days are two

minute tools and they're all with the intention

of retraining your amygdala. And so I literally

walk you through like here's day one, your action

item because I think a lot of women need, you

know, like, tell me what to do. Like tell me what

to do when I wake up and go sit so I don't do

this other thing. And so these journeys are all

walking through that. The one I have coming up in

the fall will probably be a self with journey

where instead of this Time isn't selfish. It's

self with. And I'm going to teach you how to get

back to being with yourself. And so it'll

probably be around like nurturing and

nourishment, which I think is just great for the.

For the fall. So all that will be coming out in

my emails if they want to just join. You know, my

newsletter email list on.

My website sounds fantastic. So, yes, I know a

lot of you will have resonated with this, so

please go and sign up for from Melissa's

newsletter and let the play begin.

Let the play begin. And then just in case they

see it, my Instagram handle and my podcast are

called Be Inspired Mama, just so they know that

those are the same. Same platforms, both me. I

just, I just wanted a playful term.

Sounds good. And we'll put those. We'll put those

links in the show notes, but just to have it in

your head, Be Inspired Mama on YouTube.

Okay, so. So what, Meredith, as we wrap, like,

what are you gonna do today for connection with

yourself? Like, how are you gonna weave it in?

Oh, you know, I think I'm going to take a little

pause. I have couple more. A little more zoom

time, and then I'm gonna go sit outside and just

stare at the trees.

Daydreaming and daydream.

Yeah.

So staring like that puts you in theta, which is

an amazing brain break when we're running in beta

all day. That most effective things you can do

for your brain. And if you've ever heard. I know

we're wrapping here, but one last thing, if

you've ever heard someone say, I get my best

ideas in the shower. Yes, that's theta. And so

you think about how we just don't daydream

anymore.

Right.

Like if we have a moment, we're looking at our

phone, which we, a lot of us go to the phone as a

brain break, but it's overstimulating to our

nervous system. It keeps us in beta. And that's

why we don't actually ever feel. Feel like

replenished or regenerated the way that you feel

after you stare at a tree. You're literally going

into a regenerative brainwave when you do that.

And so one of the most effective things you can

do is to daydream is to stare out the car window,

is to look at the tree, is to sit in the

reception room of an office and not grab your

phone. But either people watch or grab a

magazine, it is. It will pay you back tenfold at

the end of your day. And that will mean at the

end of the day that you got everything done, but

you feel somehow, like, chilled, relaxed and

satisfied. That's how we do it. So I'm so glad

you're gonna go stare at your tree.

Yeah. Oh, and I love that, that daydreaming

aspect. Yeah, it's true. I came out of the sauna

to my husband. I'm like, I had thought. He's

like, okay, whatever I say, he's like, when is it

now?

Those hits events.

I told him, he's like, oh, you should go with the

son of Morava. That's a really good idea. Yeah.

And also, yeah, it reminded me, like, I have to

read at least one paragraph or I can't sleep,

even if I'm exhausted. It's like there's. And now

you've explained, like, what's going on with my

brain, why that is like.

Yeah. And then for women who may be. Yeah.

Not a screen.

Yes. Not a screen. And for women who, like, maybe

their brain is too fast moving for the book thing

yet. This is where some of those crutch tools are

really powerful. Like, that's where, you know,

biurnal beats. Like, if you can't even drop down

to be able to read the page without your head,

like, thinking of everything else, something like

barn obeats will start to get you to that place.

So I would do those at night until you start to

regulate and then replace it with the book.

Perfect.

So there's. It's almost like there's like phase

one, phase two, phase three. If you can go right

to the book, that's great. But for my women who

need, like, that little portal bridge crutch by

your Nobel, it's a great brain tap, is a great

system for that. I know there's a lot of things

out there.

Yeah. Because we're. Yeah. We're just so amped.

Well, it's an. We're living in a very. We're

living in a very amped world. And so we're

reacting to our environment. Again, it's because

we're. We're great, not because we're failing.

But then how can we recreate the environment in a

way that works for us? And that's. We do that on

the inside, so no matter what changes on the

outside, like, we've got this and we've got

control of this, and we know. We know now how to

work. Rather than working against this, we're

working with it. We're in alignment.

So good.

Thank you, Melissa. You're welcome. I've thought

about this all day.

All day.

Yeah.

We'll have to do it again sometime.

Yes. I'm going to go ride my bike and then hit my

next meetings. Thank you so much for having me.

And thank you, listeners, for taking the time for

yourself to digest this information. Information,

it's truly life changing. So I would love to hear

at any point, if you want to send me a message,

like what one thing are you going to do or any of

your questions or anything, I would love, love to

hear from you.

Yes.

Follow up. Love.

And listen out.

Okay. Thanks, Erin.

Thanks, everyone.

Have a great day.