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And then 10 minutes later, my front door opens and two children run

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in screaming. Now, mind you, my house has been silent

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for 11 days. I nearly had a heart attack and died.

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So I got to spend mother's day cleaning up vomit and

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running ginger ale to any number of people. But yeah,

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I was just looking around going, this is motherhood. This is

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motherhood.

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All right, here we go. I'm going to pretend I'm pushing record because that feels

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right. Okay, I'm pressing record. Boop.

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Hi, everybody, I'm Lauren Howard. Welcome to Different

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Not Broken, which is our podcast on exactly that.

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That there are a lot of people in this world walking around feeling broken. And

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the reality is you're just different. And that's fine.

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Kids were gone for a long time, like very unexpectedly. They were with my husband.

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They weren't kidnapped, thankfully, but I was like 90% sure he

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was going to bring them back. He was going to bring them back. But they

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went up to our house up north that is still under

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construction after two years. Dear Lord. There actually is progress

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happening. There are floors in multiple areas.

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That is such a wild success, you

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have no idea. Anyway, so they were supposed to go for three days.

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In typical Howard fashion. We booked tickets there, we never booked tickets back.

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I wasn't able to go with them when they wanted to go. My husband had

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to meet the contractor so they couldn't postpone. So it was just like,

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well, I guess I'm gonna be on my own for a couple of days. Just

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me and the dog. So it was supposed to be three days. Then they both

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got sick. Both kids got this like creeping crud upper

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respiratory virus that was like relentless.

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And I think they got it from my mother in law cause she had something

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similar before and it was just a virus,

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but it was nasty. And it gets to a point like when you

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get a virus and you get to like day five and you're not feeling better,

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that feels excessive. It's all awful. But when you get to day

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five, you're like, what the heck? Immune system, what is going on?

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And then we were getting to like day eight and nine and she was still

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down for the count. But they didn't see her in

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person until like literally day 10 or day

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11. So we just kind of thought that after

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all that time it would be fine. Her fever was gone, her cough

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was better, she was on medication. Anyway, like three days later,

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they come down with the upper respiratory infection of

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everybody's nightmares. And he had so much stuff that he had to do and he

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was by Himself, so he had to take them with. So these, like, poor kids

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are like, driving around New Hampshire wearing masks, and people think they're still Covid

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shut ins, which is fine, but it was just a bizarre

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setup. So they were supposed to be gone for three days. They were gone for

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like four days. And then I talked to my husband and he was like, well,

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there's more stuff we have to do. So 11 days later, I finally get

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a return date for them, which is two days after. So they were supposed

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to come back on Saturday. It was a little bit weird because usually when he

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books a flight, he immediately puts it on my calendar because he knows I will

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not remember when it is or what airline it is unless it's on my calendar.

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And he didn't. And I just didn't think about it. I was slammed. It was

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the week we closed on the sale of the Practice. I was exhausted, my brain

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was super soup, and so I just didn't think about it. And then I was

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trying to figure out how I could plan out my day on Saturday. And I

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texted him and I was like, when is your flight getting in? And he didn't

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answer me, and I texted him again, and I think I called him a fart

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hole and said, when is your plane coming in?

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And he said, oh, it's 7:10 tomorrow on

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Southwest. And I was like, okay, great. And then 10 minutes

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later, my front door opens and two children run in screaming. Now,

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mind you, my house has been silent for 11 days.

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I nearly had a heart attack and died. I was like,

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what is happening? Who's in my house? Am I being robbed by elves? I don't

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understand what's happening. And then I reoriented myself and

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realized it was my children. And my husband thought it was funny to just

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not tell me they were coming back and jump into my office to

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surprise me. Which was delightful, except for the whole almost

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dying thing, because he nearly gave me a heart attack. So this was Friday.

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They came back. Mother's Day was that Sunday. And the kids come in. Of course

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I'm excited to see them, and I'm squeezing them and giving them all the kisses.

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And I'm so excited that they're back and they're all up in my face,

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and I'm all up in their face. And my youngest had a weird

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stomach thing for a couple days before, but she seemed different than

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the thing they had before. But my husband said she was better as of that

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morning, no problems. So we just thought it was food poisoning or something.

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And she seemed fine. She Ate a bunch of food. She was fine. And so

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we're just like, well, it must have been food poisoning and not contagious. And then

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a couple hours later, my oldest just starts

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puking everywhere. And it was like, food poisoning isn't

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contagious. So she starts getting sick everywhere. And then

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my youngest, who had been okay for, like, 48 hours,

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starts getting sick again. And, like, we're very quickly running out of

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towels. There are no supplies.

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And so my husband and I are handling it. He basically put the kids together.

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We put them on a saltine diet and

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made them slam Pedialyte because it was like, they couldn't eat

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anything. Like, as soon as they ate, it was just, like, it was a mess.

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So we get through the first night, and I'm like, I don't know what this

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stuff is, because she was good for two days, and now she's sick again.

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And now my oldest has it. This is chaotic.

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My husband fell asleep on the couch with the kids. The next morning,

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he walks into our room and says, I need your help.

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And he has the very distinct look of the

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man flu on his face. And I was like, why?

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And he was like, I just threw up everywhere. I was like, oh.

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Oh, super fun. So you all brought it home to me. I'm so

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excited. Awesome. So I got to

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spend Mother's Day cleaning up vomit and running ginger

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ale to any number of people. And I'm looking around going, this

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is the Mother's Dayest. Mother's Day of any Mother's Day. This is exactly what

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happens on Mother's Day. And my youngest comes up to me and she

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says, mom, we were supposed to go Mother's Day shopping for you, and we

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couldn't because we're puking. And I was like, that is accurate,

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and that is totally fine. These things happen. It is okay. You are not in

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trouble. I really don't care. There was no world where

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my day would have been greatly impacted by whatever. So he did have

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his mom arrange some stuff for me, like flowers. And then I might have gotten

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a emergency delivery from Sephora of things I absolutely

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needed for myself to save a little bit of the day.

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But, yeah, I was just looking around going, this is motherhood.

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This is motherhood. By the way, this day is supposed to be for

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you. You're supposed to relax and have people take care of

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you, but instead, they're going to vomit on you. That's just got to be fine.

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And so instead, I got to

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risk it all laying in bed with my kids, knowing that at Any minute,

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whatever this crud is is going to hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm

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like, power slamming Zofran. Like, I called one of our

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nurse practitioners, and I was like, I can't make the vomit stop. I need

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Zofran. So she called it in. I went and grabbed it at one of the

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pharmacies and brought it back home. I'm giving it to the kids. And

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then Sunday late, and then yesterday also, my

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stomach just started feeling, like, a little weak. Like, I was definitely not hungry.

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I definitely didn't want to eat anything. Nothing sounded good. And also,

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it was like, this doesn't exactly feel right. And I

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was like, somebody give me a Zofran. We're not doing this. No, no. I

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will prophylactically Zofran myself into my grave

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rather than go through what these people are going through full stop.

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So I texted her after a day, and I was like, you might have to

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send more. And she goes, did you use it up already? And I was like,

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no, but I plan to, because I'm not doing it. I have stuff to do.

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I'm stubborn. I'm going to avoid this thing by just

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sheer force of will. Anyway, we still have plenty of Zofran because I

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haven't actually taken the whole bottle yet, but it dissolves, so I

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could.

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My poor oldest. The first night, she couldn't

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keep down the Zofran, and every time I put it in her mouth, she would

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just throw it up. She just was so sensitive. And so I

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texted one of our nurse practitioners, and I was like, oh, yay, we have norovirus

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so bad that we can't keep down the Zofran. And she goes, do

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you want me to send in some Phenergan suppositories? I guess that's a

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thing they do for kids. I looked at my oldest and had her read it,

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and I said, do you want her to do this? And she goes, what's a

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suppository? And I told her, and she goes, I'll keep it down.

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And she's like, nope, we're not doing that at all ever. Nope.

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So anyway, they all appear to be somewhat better.

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Like, last night, they all seem to get hit by

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it again. It comes in waves. It's very weird. And it doesn't seem dependent on,

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like, the kind of stuff they eat. All of a sudden, they go from being

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fine to not. It was full man flu, which means

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my husband was on the couch unable to put his own socks on,

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Needed help with everything. I'm dying. Everything I'M dying. Yeah, okay,

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sure you are. And then yesterday I see him

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run downstairs and grab something and do something

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deliberately annoying. And I was like, oh, good news, he feels better. And also bad

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news. He feels better because now he's annoying the kids again. Awesome.

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That's like a true sign that he feels better. He's irritating the kid. Then

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he was like, I'm starving. I need to get food. And I was like, maybe

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you're starving because you haven't eaten in several days. But still, can we, like, take

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it easy? So of course he goes to a fast food restaurant and I think

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he's going to get like a cheeseburger or something, which is fine. Like, whatever. I

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mean, it's not fine. He's definitely going to puke it up. But, like, I thought

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he was going to get a cheeseburger. He had like a shrimp and

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catfish basket. I was like, if you know that you're going to

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vomit something up, that's what you pick. Really?

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He was like, I just was hungry and it sounded good. I'm like, you have

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to think about the impact, man. So then last night, he was just frickin

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miserable. He was like, the reflux is so bad. And I was like,

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maybe it's because you ate a basket of

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deep fried. We don't even know what, like, they said it's

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shrimp. Do we know that? Did you test it? Because I didn't.

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And you ate French fries. Why would you eat French fries? Anyway,

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So I would like to say he learned his lesson. He did not. There is

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no way that lesson is going to stick with him whatsoever. But that was

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my Mother's Day was cleaning up piles of vomit and

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throwing out all of the linens in our house, which we now get to replace,

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and figuring out new and creative ways to give my

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children targets to hit so that they don't

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get bodily fluids on the furniture. Happy Mother's Day.

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And now we'll go to Alison, who has this week's

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small talk. We have a small talk from

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Tammy in Montana. She says, hi there. I changed careers

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at 29, left a perfectly stable accounting job to

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become a florist. My mom has referred to this as

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my phase ever since. Even as my business grew,

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even as I hired staff, even as I genuinely love what I do every

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single day. It's not that she's cruel. She's just waiting

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for me to come back to something that looks like what she imagined for me.

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And every time she asks, so, what's next? At family

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dinners, I feel 14 years old. Again, I've made peace with the choice.

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I haven't made peace with her response to the choice. How do you stop

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needing someone to approve of a decision you already know was

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right? Why do you need her to approve of it? Like,

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what do you get out of that? Is there like a gift basket or a

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medal? I don't think any of those things happen. I think you need

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to investigate why it bothers you that she has not gotten on board with it.

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It sounds to me like you're a successful business owner and it doesn't matter what

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industry that's in. I have a friend who did that. She was an

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attorney and she left her high paying job and started

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a flower shop. And she actually ended up being the person who did the flowers

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at my wedding. That's how I met her. We're still friends 15

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years later. She was a really good business owner

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because she had this very, very complex background

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in all sorts of things that intersected with business.

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Her law degree arguably made her a better florist

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because she understood business structure, she understood mergers and acquisitions, she

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understood what it looks like to expand, what it looks like to

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hire. She understood employment law. She understood all of these little different things

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that were vital to running a business. I think part of it is

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setting the boundary. I don't think you need to get okay with it. I think

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your mom needs to close her mouth. It bothers you

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because she's being rude. Whether she's being funny about it or not,

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she's saying something that bothers you and she's doing it repeatedly.

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So instead of trying to figure out how to deal with it so it doesn't

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bother you, tell her to stop saying it. Hey,

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I'm a successful business owner. I've hired staff, I've grown the business,

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we make good money, I'm paying my bills, I don't need

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anything from you. I'm very happy with where I am in life.

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Stop saying that. Stop saying that. Even if I plan to change my

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career five more times, Stop saying that. It's dismissive to me.

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It's dismissive to my choices and the hard work that I put in. It doesn't

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matter if you plan to close the flower shop and become a mermaid. You

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get to be a mermaid then. Awesome. And as a

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mom, she's allowed to be protective, she's allowed to be concerned. She's allowed to

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make sure that you're okay, that you're not making decisions for reasons that are

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harmful or detrimental to you. But at some point, she's allowed to just shut

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up and let you make your decisions. So I don't think it's about you

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getting used to her saying it, because if you were going to do that, you

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would have already done it. It sounds like she's been doing it a long time.

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It's about setting the boundary with her and saying, stop doing this. It makes me

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feel like you are being judgmental and passive aggressive toward me and I don't like

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it. Stop doing it. And that's a completely reasonable thing

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to ask. It doesn't matter what her intention is. It doesn't matter that she's not

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trying to be mean or that she's not, you know, she's not trying to.

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Whatever. Tell her to stop. It doesn't. Her

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intention doesn't matter. If it makes you feel otherwise, tell her to

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stop. It's not a phase. Emo was a phase.

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This is flowers. Flowers are always in style.

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Thanks for being here, guys. Have a good day. Love you. Mean it.

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That was a good reference. I'm proud I got that in there.