And then 10 minutes later, my front door opens and two children run
in screaming. Now, mind you, my house has been silent
for 11 days. I nearly had a heart attack and died.
So I got to spend mother's day cleaning up vomit and
running ginger ale to any number of people. But yeah,
I was just looking around going, this is motherhood. This is
motherhood.
All right, here we go. I'm going to pretend I'm pushing record because that feels
right. Okay, I'm pressing record. Boop.
Hi, everybody, I'm Lauren Howard. Welcome to Different
Not Broken, which is our podcast on exactly that.
That there are a lot of people in this world walking around feeling broken. And
the reality is you're just different. And that's fine.
Kids were gone for a long time, like very unexpectedly. They were with my husband.
They weren't kidnapped, thankfully, but I was like 90% sure he
was going to bring them back. He was going to bring them back. But they
went up to our house up north that is still under
construction after two years. Dear Lord. There actually is progress
happening. There are floors in multiple areas.
That is such a wild success, you
have no idea. Anyway, so they were supposed to go for three days.
In typical Howard fashion. We booked tickets there, we never booked tickets back.
I wasn't able to go with them when they wanted to go. My husband had
to meet the contractor so they couldn't postpone. So it was just like,
well, I guess I'm gonna be on my own for a couple of days. Just
me and the dog. So it was supposed to be three days. Then they both
got sick. Both kids got this like creeping crud upper
respiratory virus that was like relentless.
And I think they got it from my mother in law cause she had something
similar before and it was just a virus,
but it was nasty. And it gets to a point like when you
get a virus and you get to like day five and you're not feeling better,
that feels excessive. It's all awful. But when you get to day
five, you're like, what the heck? Immune system, what is going on?
And then we were getting to like day eight and nine and she was still
down for the count. But they didn't see her in
person until like literally day 10 or day
11. So we just kind of thought that after
all that time it would be fine. Her fever was gone, her cough
was better, she was on medication. Anyway, like three days later,
they come down with the upper respiratory infection of
everybody's nightmares. And he had so much stuff that he had to do and he
was by Himself, so he had to take them with. So these, like, poor kids
are like, driving around New Hampshire wearing masks, and people think they're still Covid
shut ins, which is fine, but it was just a bizarre
setup. So they were supposed to be gone for three days. They were gone for
like four days. And then I talked to my husband and he was like, well,
there's more stuff we have to do. So 11 days later, I finally get
a return date for them, which is two days after. So they were supposed
to come back on Saturday. It was a little bit weird because usually when he
books a flight, he immediately puts it on my calendar because he knows I will
not remember when it is or what airline it is unless it's on my calendar.
And he didn't. And I just didn't think about it. I was slammed. It was
the week we closed on the sale of the Practice. I was exhausted, my brain
was super soup, and so I just didn't think about it. And then I was
trying to figure out how I could plan out my day on Saturday. And I
texted him and I was like, when is your flight getting in? And he didn't
answer me, and I texted him again, and I think I called him a fart
hole and said, when is your plane coming in?
And he said, oh, it's 7:10 tomorrow on
Southwest. And I was like, okay, great. And then 10 minutes
later, my front door opens and two children run in screaming. Now,
mind you, my house has been silent for 11 days.
I nearly had a heart attack and died. I was like,
what is happening? Who's in my house? Am I being robbed by elves? I don't
understand what's happening. And then I reoriented myself and
realized it was my children. And my husband thought it was funny to just
not tell me they were coming back and jump into my office to
surprise me. Which was delightful, except for the whole almost
dying thing, because he nearly gave me a heart attack. So this was Friday.
They came back. Mother's Day was that Sunday. And the kids come in. Of course
I'm excited to see them, and I'm squeezing them and giving them all the kisses.
And I'm so excited that they're back and they're all up in my face,
and I'm all up in their face. And my youngest had a weird
stomach thing for a couple days before, but she seemed different than
the thing they had before. But my husband said she was better as of that
morning, no problems. So we just thought it was food poisoning or something.
And she seemed fine. She Ate a bunch of food. She was fine. And so
we're just like, well, it must have been food poisoning and not contagious. And then
a couple hours later, my oldest just starts
puking everywhere. And it was like, food poisoning isn't
contagious. So she starts getting sick everywhere. And then
my youngest, who had been okay for, like, 48 hours,
starts getting sick again. And, like, we're very quickly running out of
towels. There are no supplies.
And so my husband and I are handling it. He basically put the kids together.
We put them on a saltine diet and
made them slam Pedialyte because it was like, they couldn't eat
anything. Like, as soon as they ate, it was just, like, it was a mess.
So we get through the first night, and I'm like, I don't know what this
stuff is, because she was good for two days, and now she's sick again.
And now my oldest has it. This is chaotic.
My husband fell asleep on the couch with the kids. The next morning,
he walks into our room and says, I need your help.
And he has the very distinct look of the
man flu on his face. And I was like, why?
And he was like, I just threw up everywhere. I was like, oh.
Oh, super fun. So you all brought it home to me. I'm so
excited. Awesome. So I got to
spend Mother's Day cleaning up vomit and running ginger
ale to any number of people. And I'm looking around going, this
is the Mother's Dayest. Mother's Day of any Mother's Day. This is exactly what
happens on Mother's Day. And my youngest comes up to me and she
says, mom, we were supposed to go Mother's Day shopping for you, and we
couldn't because we're puking. And I was like, that is accurate,
and that is totally fine. These things happen. It is okay. You are not in
trouble. I really don't care. There was no world where
my day would have been greatly impacted by whatever. So he did have
his mom arrange some stuff for me, like flowers. And then I might have gotten
a emergency delivery from Sephora of things I absolutely
needed for myself to save a little bit of the day.
But, yeah, I was just looking around going, this is motherhood.
This is motherhood. By the way, this day is supposed to be for
you. You're supposed to relax and have people take care of
you, but instead, they're going to vomit on you. That's just got to be fine.
And so instead, I got to
risk it all laying in bed with my kids, knowing that at Any minute,
whatever this crud is is going to hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm
like, power slamming Zofran. Like, I called one of our
nurse practitioners, and I was like, I can't make the vomit stop. I need
Zofran. So she called it in. I went and grabbed it at one of the
pharmacies and brought it back home. I'm giving it to the kids. And
then Sunday late, and then yesterday also, my
stomach just started feeling, like, a little weak. Like, I was definitely not hungry.
I definitely didn't want to eat anything. Nothing sounded good. And also,
it was like, this doesn't exactly feel right. And I
was like, somebody give me a Zofran. We're not doing this. No, no. I
will prophylactically Zofran myself into my grave
rather than go through what these people are going through full stop.
So I texted her after a day, and I was like, you might have to
send more. And she goes, did you use it up already? And I was like,
no, but I plan to, because I'm not doing it. I have stuff to do.
I'm stubborn. I'm going to avoid this thing by just
sheer force of will. Anyway, we still have plenty of Zofran because I
haven't actually taken the whole bottle yet, but it dissolves, so I
could.
My poor oldest. The first night, she couldn't
keep down the Zofran, and every time I put it in her mouth, she would
just throw it up. She just was so sensitive. And so I
texted one of our nurse practitioners, and I was like, oh, yay, we have norovirus
so bad that we can't keep down the Zofran. And she goes, do
you want me to send in some Phenergan suppositories? I guess that's a
thing they do for kids. I looked at my oldest and had her read it,
and I said, do you want her to do this? And she goes, what's a
suppository? And I told her, and she goes, I'll keep it down.
And she's like, nope, we're not doing that at all ever. Nope.
So anyway, they all appear to be somewhat better.
Like, last night, they all seem to get hit by
it again. It comes in waves. It's very weird. And it doesn't seem dependent on,
like, the kind of stuff they eat. All of a sudden, they go from being
fine to not. It was full man flu, which means
my husband was on the couch unable to put his own socks on,
Needed help with everything. I'm dying. Everything I'M dying. Yeah, okay,
sure you are. And then yesterday I see him
run downstairs and grab something and do something
deliberately annoying. And I was like, oh, good news, he feels better. And also bad
news. He feels better because now he's annoying the kids again. Awesome.
That's like a true sign that he feels better. He's irritating the kid. Then
he was like, I'm starving. I need to get food. And I was like, maybe
you're starving because you haven't eaten in several days. But still, can we, like, take
it easy? So of course he goes to a fast food restaurant and I think
he's going to get like a cheeseburger or something, which is fine. Like, whatever. I
mean, it's not fine. He's definitely going to puke it up. But, like, I thought
he was going to get a cheeseburger. He had like a shrimp and
catfish basket. I was like, if you know that you're going to
vomit something up, that's what you pick. Really?
He was like, I just was hungry and it sounded good. I'm like, you have
to think about the impact, man. So then last night, he was just frickin
miserable. He was like, the reflux is so bad. And I was like,
maybe it's because you ate a basket of
deep fried. We don't even know what, like, they said it's
shrimp. Do we know that? Did you test it? Because I didn't.
And you ate French fries. Why would you eat French fries? Anyway,
So I would like to say he learned his lesson. He did not. There is
no way that lesson is going to stick with him whatsoever. But that was
my Mother's Day was cleaning up piles of vomit and
throwing out all of the linens in our house, which we now get to replace,
and figuring out new and creative ways to give my
children targets to hit so that they don't
get bodily fluids on the furniture. Happy Mother's Day.
And now we'll go to Alison, who has this week's
small talk. We have a small talk from
Tammy in Montana. She says, hi there. I changed careers
at 29, left a perfectly stable accounting job to
become a florist. My mom has referred to this as
my phase ever since. Even as my business grew,
even as I hired staff, even as I genuinely love what I do every
single day. It's not that she's cruel. She's just waiting
for me to come back to something that looks like what she imagined for me.
And every time she asks, so, what's next? At family
dinners, I feel 14 years old. Again, I've made peace with the choice.
I haven't made peace with her response to the choice. How do you stop
needing someone to approve of a decision you already know was
right? Why do you need her to approve of it? Like,
what do you get out of that? Is there like a gift basket or a
medal? I don't think any of those things happen. I think you need
to investigate why it bothers you that she has not gotten on board with it.
It sounds to me like you're a successful business owner and it doesn't matter what
industry that's in. I have a friend who did that. She was an
attorney and she left her high paying job and started
a flower shop. And she actually ended up being the person who did the flowers
at my wedding. That's how I met her. We're still friends 15
years later. She was a really good business owner
because she had this very, very complex background
in all sorts of things that intersected with business.
Her law degree arguably made her a better florist
because she understood business structure, she understood mergers and acquisitions, she
understood what it looks like to expand, what it looks like to
hire. She understood employment law. She understood all of these little different things
that were vital to running a business. I think part of it is
setting the boundary. I don't think you need to get okay with it. I think
your mom needs to close her mouth. It bothers you
because she's being rude. Whether she's being funny about it or not,
she's saying something that bothers you and she's doing it repeatedly.
So instead of trying to figure out how to deal with it so it doesn't
bother you, tell her to stop saying it. Hey,
I'm a successful business owner. I've hired staff, I've grown the business,
we make good money, I'm paying my bills, I don't need
anything from you. I'm very happy with where I am in life.
Stop saying that. Stop saying that. Even if I plan to change my
career five more times, Stop saying that. It's dismissive to me.
It's dismissive to my choices and the hard work that I put in. It doesn't
matter if you plan to close the flower shop and become a mermaid. You
get to be a mermaid then. Awesome. And as a
mom, she's allowed to be protective, she's allowed to be concerned. She's allowed to
make sure that you're okay, that you're not making decisions for reasons that are
harmful or detrimental to you. But at some point, she's allowed to just shut
up and let you make your decisions. So I don't think it's about you
getting used to her saying it, because if you were going to do that, you
would have already done it. It sounds like she's been doing it a long time.
It's about setting the boundary with her and saying, stop doing this. It makes me
feel like you are being judgmental and passive aggressive toward me and I don't like
it. Stop doing it. And that's a completely reasonable thing
to ask. It doesn't matter what her intention is. It doesn't matter that she's not
trying to be mean or that she's not, you know, she's not trying to.
Whatever. Tell her to stop. It doesn't. Her
intention doesn't matter. If it makes you feel otherwise, tell her to
stop. It's not a phase. Emo was a phase.
This is flowers. Flowers are always in style.
Thanks for being here, guys. Have a good day. Love you. Mean it.
That was a good reference. I'm proud I got that in there.