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Kevin Lowe: Have you ever felt underestimated, judged by what people thought you couldn't
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Kevin Lowe: do, rather than actually seeing what you are truly capable of?
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Kevin Lowe: That's the reality that today's guest has lived for most of her life.
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Kevin Lowe: Her name is Jenna Udenberg, and Jenna is about to show you that when people
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Kevin Lowe: underestimate you, then baby, that's just an opportunity for you to shine through,
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Kevin Lowe: for you to show them what's really up.
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Kevin Lowe: From the classroom to community leadership, from creating music to writing books,
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Kevin Lowe: Jenna has lived a life that proves that possibility is always greater than limitation.
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Kevin Lowe: Now, what I want you to understand when you hear her story, that it's more about disability.
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Kevin Lowe: It's much more than that. Because Jenna is here to share a story today that's
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Kevin Lowe: about courage, about resiliency, about rising above the assumptions of others.
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Kevin Lowe: So if you've ever felt unseen, underestimated, maybe underappreciated,
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Kevin Lowe: and whether that's come from the outside world or from your own self-criticism,
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Kevin Lowe: Today, my friend, is made for you.
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Kevin Lowe: This is episode 410 of Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.
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Kevin Lowe: And me, I'm your host, Kevin Lowe, a guy on a mission to use this podcast as
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Kevin Lowe: a way to inspire the world.
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Kevin Lowe: And yes, that includes you, to never give up on life, even when it may feel
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Kevin Lowe: like life is giving up on you.
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Kevin Lowe: My friend, if it's tough, just realize it's temporary.
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Kevin Lowe: There's so much more life to live. So if you can take anything away from this
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Kevin Lowe: podcast, it's that I want you to thrive in life.
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Kevin Lowe: And if you're not thriving right now, because trust me, I get it, life is messy.
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Kevin Lowe: Rarely ever does it go like we planned. I just want you to realize that sometimes
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Kevin Lowe: we just have to have the courage to keep going one more day.
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Kevin Lowe: This, my friend, is my interview with Jenna Udenberg. I hope you enjoy it more than ever.
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Kevin Lowe: I hope that it means something to you, does something for you.
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Kevin Lowe: And if at the end of the day, you feel all kind of good because of it,
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Kevin Lowe: well, be sure to share today's episode with somebody you love and who you know
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Kevin Lowe: could benefit from hearing the message as well.
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Kevin Lowe: So with that, here it is. my interview with Jenna Udenberg.
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Podcast Intro Music: I got Grit, Grace, & Inspiration on my mind...
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Kevin Lowe: What's going on and welcome back to Grit, Grace and Inspiration.
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Kevin Lowe: I'm your host, Kevin Lowe in the studio today with none other than Jenna Unenberg.
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Kevin Lowe: Jenna, welcome to the show.
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Jenna Udenberg: Thanks for having me, Kevin.
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Kevin Lowe: Oh, Jenna, I'm excited for us to reconnect. I'm excited for us to get to really
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Kevin Lowe: dive into your story today.
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Kevin Lowe: And of course, I mean, it would be kind of silly to start a story like at the end.
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Kevin Lowe: So we might as well start at the beginning. And I would love to know before
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Kevin Lowe: medical issues ever enter the picture into your life, what do you remember from
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Kevin Lowe: from those early childhood years?
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Jenna Udenberg: Yeah, I remember loving hanging out with my grandma and grandpa on my mom's side.
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Jenna Udenberg: I remember like my first memory, it was losing her coveted ginger snap in the
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Jenna Udenberg: crack of her sidewalk when she was babysitting me and we were all playing with bouncy balls.
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Jenna Udenberg: And this was like circa probably like 1984, 83.
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Jenna Udenberg: I was three or four years old at that time. I remember loving pink corduroy
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Jenna Udenberg: type pants, which I do not like pink or purple in this genre of life.
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Jenna Udenberg: But I did then. So go me. I loved being out in the fishing boat with my dad
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Jenna Udenberg: and my brother and my grandpa and an older neighbor.
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Jenna Udenberg: Not all at the same time because we'd probably sink our little fishing boat,
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Jenna Udenberg: but multiple times by ourselves.
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Jenna Udenberg: I loved playing with the minnows in the cooler I loved the fact that I always
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Jenna Udenberg: would tease my dad and any fishing partners that if they took a shower that
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Jenna Udenberg: day we would not catch anything.
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Jenna Udenberg: And it was almost always true and I
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Jenna Udenberg: always would play with a line and we're in big lake superior right
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Jenna Udenberg: so these are like big northerns big fish
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Jenna Udenberg: you know not just like little pan fish sunfish kind
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Jenna Udenberg: of things and i would wrap my little tiny finger and
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Jenna Udenberg: i'd pull it in and out and go here fishy fishy my
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Jenna Udenberg: dad and brother are like if a northern gets that line you're gonna
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Jenna Udenberg: lose your finger and i'd be like i don't i don't know what that means here fishy
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Jenna Udenberg: fishy fishy so yeah and i
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Jenna Udenberg: remember driving uh snowmobiles when we
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Jenna Udenberg: were out ice fishing on inland lakes and i
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Jenna Udenberg: thought that was fun but you always had to watch out for all the different fishing holes
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Jenna Udenberg: because yeah that'd really bad yes I remember
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Jenna Udenberg: once shooting a rifle with my dad
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Jenna Udenberg: and brother there of course we were always you know safety
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Jenna Udenberg: but and this was probably after
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Jenna Udenberg: diagnosis because I was much older but still it was like oh never doing that
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Jenna Udenberg: again that really hurt the shoulder and riding on three wheelers and I thought
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Jenna Udenberg: my cousin Pat was the coolest cousin ever because he was the closest in age
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Jenna Udenberg: to me and he let me play with sparklers on one fourth of July at their cabin
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Jenna Udenberg: so he is cool cousin Pat Yes.
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Jenna Udenberg: So, yeah. So I come from a very large family. So I remember family gatherings
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Jenna Udenberg: of like 20 to 40 people for holidays.
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Jenna Udenberg: I'm the baby of 20 grandkids on one side and 25 on the other.
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Jenna Udenberg: I'm late in life for my parents. So I have a brother that's 16 years older and
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Jenna Udenberg: a sister that's 15 years older and another sister that's 12 years older.
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Jenna Udenberg: So I'm like the baby and the only child all at once. So, wow.
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Jenna Udenberg: Wow. That's kind of me in a nutshell.
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Kevin Lowe: Wow. Okay. So we got a really good snapshot from the things that matter,
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Kevin Lowe: like losing the ginger snap in the sidewalk rack.
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Jenna Udenberg: It's all about the food, Kevin.
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Kevin Lowe: Because to the fact that you are the baby of a ginormous family,
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Kevin Lowe: that is crazy. That is insane.
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Kevin Lowe: Yes. Very big family. Yeah. Yes.
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Jenna Udenberg: Yeah. My biological grandfather on my dad's side had 13 siblings.
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Jenna Udenberg: So if anybody says Udenberg, yes, I'm related to all of them,
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Jenna Udenberg: but I have absolutely no idea how. So there's that.
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Kevin Lowe: Okay. I love it. I love it. Oh, my gosh. Well, you said something in that story
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Kevin Lowe: when you talked about shooting a gun and you talked about it hurting your shoulders so bad.
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Kevin Lowe: Was that leading up to you guys beginning to find out that something was wrong?
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Jenna Udenberg: No, that would have probably been about six, seven years after diagnosis.
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Kevin Lowe: Oh, OK.
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Jenna Udenberg: But, you know, still trying to be that Tom girl. I can hop on a three wheeler, all the things. Right.
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Jenna Udenberg: So, yes. Yeah. And then I went, nope, I'm definitely not a Tom girl anymore.
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Jenna Udenberg: So, yeah.
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Kevin Lowe: So talk to me then about what happened as far as leading up to the diagnosis.
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Jenna Udenberg: Yeah. So I was just a typical little seven year old girl.
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Jenna Udenberg: The story goes that the family went ice skating at a local flooded park in our little rural town.
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Jenna Udenberg: And the night before I had somehow fallen. And I don't remember any of this.
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Jenna Udenberg: This is just a story that I've heard many, many times. So the next morning,
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Jenna Udenberg: I was a little first grader and getting ready for first grade and taking a bubble
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Jenna Udenberg: bath in our golden rod from the late 70s tub.
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Jenna Udenberg: And my right knee floated to the top and popped out of the bubbles.
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Jenna Udenberg: And it was big. It was like bigger than the size of an American softball.
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Jenna Udenberg: And then I, of course, made my left knee float up to the top.
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Jenna Udenberg: And that was like a little girl knee, you know, smaller than a tennis ball.
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Jenna Udenberg: And so like any good little girl, what did I do? I yelled for my mommy.
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Jenna Udenberg: And so my dad had served on our volunteer ambulance squad for many years,
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Jenna Udenberg: and he's like, yep, we need to get her to the doctor, and so they took me to
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Jenna Udenberg: my pediatrician, and he was like, yeah,
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Jenna Udenberg: she probably has water on the knee, and my dad's like, after all my years on
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Jenna Udenberg: the ambulance, I know my daughter is not an all-star athlete because she's only
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Jenna Udenberg: seven, so I don't think this is water on the knee, so they brought me to another local family doctor,
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Jenna Udenberg: and he's like, yep, She probably has juvenile rheumatoid arthritis,
00:08:27.843 --> 00:08:31.823
Jenna Udenberg: but we need to send you to Duluth, which is the next biggest city on Lake Superior.
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Jenna Udenberg: And I met a rheumatologist there. And at that time, it was 1988.
00:08:36.343 --> 00:08:41.383
Jenna Udenberg: So that's when Lyme's disease, a tick-borne disease, was coming new to the scene.
00:08:41.623 --> 00:08:45.503
Jenna Udenberg: And he's like, I can diagnose you, but because of Lyme's disease,
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Jenna Udenberg: we have to send you to the Mayo Clinic to rule out Lyme's disease and get the
00:08:50.183 --> 00:08:51.723
Jenna Udenberg: official diagnosis. Yeah.
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Jenna Udenberg: So I don't know, I'm assuming it was in a matter of weeks, because once Mayo
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Jenna Udenberg: hears about rare cases, they try to get you in right away.
00:09:01.749 --> 00:09:06.689
Jenna Udenberg: And that was a pretty traumatic filled experience because they had to go like
00:09:06.689 --> 00:09:10.009
Jenna Udenberg: pretty much from head to toe of every test you can imagine.
00:09:10.009 --> 00:09:13.949
Jenna Udenberg: And the one that stands out the most to me, and I kind of still remember this
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Jenna Udenberg: guy's face, is I had to have a barium treatment before having like x-rays or
00:09:20.189 --> 00:09:22.669
Jenna Udenberg: a CT or I don't really know what the procedure was.
00:09:22.789 --> 00:09:25.709
Jenna Udenberg: But I just remember I had to drink the barium stuff, which was disgusting.
00:09:26.389 --> 00:09:30.389
Jenna Udenberg: And I am a very texture based person.
00:09:30.669 --> 00:09:35.289
Jenna Udenberg: So if you try to hide something in my food, Kevin, my tongue will know and it will not like it.
00:09:35.689 --> 00:09:38.749
Jenna Udenberg: So trying to drink barium as a seven year old was disgusting.
00:09:38.749 --> 00:09:44.209
Jenna Udenberg: And this guy like got in my face and he's like, you are making me behind a little girl.
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Jenna Udenberg: You need to drink this and knock it off.
00:09:47.129 --> 00:09:51.009
Jenna Udenberg: And needless to say, my dad stepped in and that guy never bothered me again.
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Jenna Udenberg: So, yeah. And then I remember being at a very fancy restaurant and this is all in my book as well.
00:10:00.149 --> 00:10:04.929
Jenna Udenberg: But I remember watching my mom crush these aspirin that this other doctor had
00:10:04.929 --> 00:10:07.929
Jenna Udenberg: told my mom that, you know, you have to get these in your kid right now.
00:10:08.449 --> 00:10:11.269
Jenna Udenberg: So she's sitting there with spoons crushing them. And I remember looking at
00:10:11.269 --> 00:10:17.329
Jenna Udenberg: her and I was kind of a little, and she was like, you will take these.
00:10:17.629 --> 00:10:19.229
Jenna Udenberg: And I'm like, oh no, I won't.
00:10:19.789 --> 00:10:22.909
Jenna Udenberg: She's like, yes, you will. And I'm going to put them in your potatoes.
00:10:23.129 --> 00:10:26.309
Jenna Udenberg: And I'm like, no, my tongue's not going to like that. I will puke them up.
00:10:26.649 --> 00:10:29.929
Jenna Udenberg: And she's like, if you know what's good for you. And then dad gave me the look
00:10:29.929 --> 00:10:31.709
Jenna Udenberg: of like, you need to do this.
00:10:31.809 --> 00:10:35.769
Jenna Udenberg: I'm like, okay, sure enough, half hour later, all I remember is like this maitre
00:10:35.769 --> 00:10:39.169
Jenna Udenberg: d' who is in a suit, which I had never been in that fancy of a restaurant before,
00:10:39.929 --> 00:10:43.629
Jenna Udenberg: is like walking over and I leaned over out of my chair and yep,
00:10:43.809 --> 00:10:45.749
Jenna Udenberg: on the nice carpeting floor. Yeah.
00:10:47.329 --> 00:10:53.369
Jenna Udenberg: Yep. I follow through on my promises or threats because my tongue, it wins.
00:10:55.229 --> 00:10:58.689
Jenna Udenberg: So very, very interesting memories. And then of course at Mayo,
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Jenna Udenberg: especially at that time, a lot of the doctors I saw at that time,
00:11:02.189 --> 00:11:05.769
Jenna Udenberg: you know, English was their second language, which is totally fine and cool.
00:11:05.949 --> 00:11:10.049
Jenna Udenberg: But as a little kid, you're like trying to figure out like through accents,
00:11:10.189 --> 00:11:13.389
Jenna Udenberg: like what are they saying? And then they're using ginormous medical terms.
00:11:13.649 --> 00:11:17.889
Jenna Udenberg: So it's just like, you're speaking two different foreign languages at the same time.
00:11:18.329 --> 00:11:21.769
Jenna Udenberg: And I don't know what's happening, but I see my mom getting teary-eyed or I
00:11:21.769 --> 00:11:25.749
Jenna Udenberg: see dad getting all uncomfortable, but then they give me lots of lollipops and stickers.
00:11:26.009 --> 00:11:29.409
Jenna Udenberg: So I was like, is this a good thing? Is this a bad thing? I don't know what's
00:11:29.409 --> 00:11:31.529
Jenna Udenberg: going on. Please stop messing with my food.
00:11:32.749 --> 00:11:36.629
Jenna Udenberg: So yeah, that was Jenna getting diagnosed in 1988.
00:11:37.369 --> 00:11:40.489
Kevin Lowe: Wow. Now what would end up being the final diagnosis?
00:11:40.489 --> 00:11:43.569
Jenna Udenberg: At that time, it was juvenile rheumatoid arthritis.
00:11:43.989 --> 00:11:49.229
Jenna Udenberg: But in recent years, probably in the last decade, they finally figured out that
00:11:49.229 --> 00:11:55.649
Jenna Udenberg: our disease cycle doesn't follow the rheumatoid cycle like older adults typically get.
00:11:55.929 --> 00:11:59.969
Jenna Udenberg: So now they either just call it juvenile arthritis or they call it juvenile
00:11:59.969 --> 00:12:04.869
Jenna Udenberg: idiopathic arthritis, which was so relieving for me as an adult because I'm like,
00:12:05.756 --> 00:12:11.636
Jenna Udenberg: Every time I went to rheumatology or orthopedic surgeons, they're like, hey, A plus B equals C.
00:12:11.856 --> 00:12:17.236
Jenna Udenberg: And I'd be like, you put your little medical book away because this body is not A plus B equals C.
00:12:17.396 --> 00:12:22.376
Jenna Udenberg: It's like Q times the square root of S cubed to two, you know, whatever.
00:12:23.356 --> 00:12:30.176
Jenna Udenberg: My body is just its own entity. And it took decades for my medical team to finally
00:12:30.176 --> 00:12:34.216
Jenna Udenberg: realize that and then go, all right, Jenna, let's have a discussion with this body of yours.
00:12:34.216 --> 00:12:40.196
Jenna Udenberg: Like let's incrementally try things not let's throw a book at it because it's
00:12:40.196 --> 00:12:42.636
Jenna Udenberg: it's not going to do what the book tells us so.
00:12:42.636 --> 00:12:45.376
Kevin Lowe: Yes yes now talk to me
00:12:45.376 --> 00:12:48.896
Kevin Lowe: i guess a bit more about this
00:12:48.896 --> 00:12:55.536
Kevin Lowe: medical condition as far as what exactly does it mean as far as implications
00:12:55.536 --> 00:13:00.256
Kevin Lowe: because obviously we think of just simple arthritis like i always remember as
00:13:00.256 --> 00:13:03.736
Kevin Lowe: a kid you know everybody telling you don't crack your knuckles,
00:13:03.896 --> 00:13:05.556
Kevin Lowe: you're going to get arthritis, you know.
00:13:06.256 --> 00:13:12.076
Kevin Lowe: So talk to me, what exactly is this condition? I mean, what does it do to your body?
00:13:12.636 --> 00:13:16.796
Jenna Udenberg: Yeah. So as a kid, I always had to describe it to my peers because they're like,
00:13:16.916 --> 00:13:19.256
Jenna Udenberg: oh, you have a disease, you're contagious.
00:13:19.796 --> 00:13:22.516
Jenna Udenberg: And I'm like, no, I'm not like a dead bird. You can still touch me.
00:13:22.776 --> 00:13:24.796
Jenna Udenberg: You're not going to get what I have, right?
00:13:25.396 --> 00:13:29.156
Jenna Udenberg: And then eventually I started explaining it like, well, you know,
00:13:29.276 --> 00:13:31.256
Jenna Udenberg: your immune system keeps you healthy, right?
00:13:31.416 --> 00:13:35.076
Jenna Udenberg: So like you can fight off a cold, and you're good within a couple of days.
00:13:35.116 --> 00:13:36.956
Jenna Udenberg: And my peers are like, yeah, that makes sense.
00:13:37.056 --> 00:13:39.516
Jenna Udenberg: I'm like, well, my immune system's kind of screwed up.
00:13:39.696 --> 00:13:44.756
Jenna Udenberg: So instead of it seeing the cold and fighting that, my immune system says,
00:13:44.936 --> 00:13:47.116
Jenna Udenberg: ooh, look at this joint cartilage over here.
00:13:47.416 --> 00:13:51.776
Jenna Udenberg: That's a foreign body. I need to eat that. That looks like it's going to hurt me.
00:13:52.514 --> 00:13:57.114
Jenna Udenberg: And so then that helped my peers understand like, oh, that's why Jenna's not
00:13:57.114 --> 00:14:00.694
Jenna Udenberg: walking this year in elementary school, or this is why Jenna's using a chair
00:14:00.694 --> 00:14:05.894
Jenna Udenberg: more, or, oh, that's why she's using crutches because her disease is better and not eating her.
00:14:06.234 --> 00:14:09.474
Jenna Udenberg: Kind of a bad analogy for kids to understand.
00:14:09.834 --> 00:14:13.394
Jenna Udenberg: But then it wasn't until, I don't know, probably about a decade ago,
00:14:13.574 --> 00:14:17.554
Jenna Udenberg: I had a rheumatology physician assistant and she's like, you know,
00:14:17.674 --> 00:14:22.274
Jenna Udenberg: I bet people have always told you that your immune system is like dormant.
00:14:22.514 --> 00:14:26.914
Jenna Udenberg: Right? And I'm like, well, yeah, because everybody says I'm always immunocompromised.
00:14:27.154 --> 00:14:31.334
Jenna Udenberg: So therefore, like when I get a cold, it lasts for like four to six weeks, no joke.
00:14:31.634 --> 00:14:36.194
Jenna Udenberg: So that was just tricky for people to understand. And even for myself,
00:14:36.414 --> 00:14:37.774
Jenna Udenberg: like, why is this taking forever?
00:14:38.134 --> 00:14:43.434
Jenna Udenberg: And then she's like, well, actually, your autoimmune system is like on overdrive.
00:14:43.854 --> 00:14:48.354
Jenna Udenberg: So it's so busy eating and doing all these other things that it kind of just
00:14:48.354 --> 00:14:52.974
Jenna Udenberg: misses all these big things that it should be fighting against because it's
00:14:52.974 --> 00:14:55.754
Jenna Udenberg: always fighting so that's why I've been on.
00:14:56.874 --> 00:15:02.274
Jenna Udenberg: Methotrexate most of my life and prednisone because it's that fine balance of
00:15:02.274 --> 00:15:06.534
Jenna Udenberg: like we need her immune system to be healthy and do the things but we've got
00:15:06.534 --> 00:15:12.814
Jenna Udenberg: to make it a little bit more dormant which is more like the cancer type medications like methotrexate,
00:15:13.472 --> 00:15:18.272
Jenna Udenberg: And so it's just been an interesting dance of like, how do I understand this
00:15:18.272 --> 00:15:20.132
Jenna Udenberg: myself? How do I explain it to others?
00:15:20.412 --> 00:15:23.492
Jenna Udenberg: And then like, what medications am I okay with?
00:15:23.872 --> 00:15:29.292
Jenna Udenberg: And thankfully, my parents were really wise in giving me the responsibility
00:15:29.292 --> 00:15:33.972
Jenna Udenberg: of making life decisions for myself by age 15, because that's when I started
00:15:33.972 --> 00:15:36.472
Jenna Udenberg: my medical journey of having orthopedic surgeries.
00:15:37.132 --> 00:15:41.652
Jenna Udenberg: And early, early on, probably when I was eight or nine, a year or two after
00:15:41.652 --> 00:15:46.032
Jenna Udenberg: diagnosis, I I had a PT that said, fair warning, mom and dad,
00:15:46.252 --> 00:15:48.452
Jenna Udenberg: your daughter now has a target on her.
00:15:48.632 --> 00:15:51.892
Jenna Udenberg: And there are good intention people that are gonna be like, hey,
00:15:51.972 --> 00:15:54.772
Jenna Udenberg: we can help her and we'll do it for free. And we'll do it all through surgery.
00:15:55.352 --> 00:16:00.372
Jenna Udenberg: And he said, once she starts surgery, her body will always need surgery.
00:16:01.112 --> 00:16:06.092
Jenna Udenberg: And so I was so thankful that we didn't jump into all the surgeries.
00:16:06.092 --> 00:16:08.272
Jenna Udenberg: And I didn't start until I was age 15.
00:16:09.152 --> 00:16:12.612
Jenna Udenberg: Because then I started having surgery every six, nine and 12 months.
00:16:12.832 --> 00:16:17.192
Jenna Udenberg: So my body could never fully heal before the next one would come.
00:16:17.452 --> 00:16:21.232
Jenna Udenberg: And then sometimes a surgery would trigger a flare-up of the arthritis.
00:16:21.592 --> 00:16:25.752
Jenna Udenberg: And I was dealing with asthma because, you know, lots of the medications caused
00:16:25.752 --> 00:16:30.472
Jenna Udenberg: other things. I have scoliosis because I wasn't weight-bearing during a lot of my formative years.
00:16:30.872 --> 00:16:35.232
Jenna Udenberg: And I have osteoporosis. So it's like, I always say that I'm the osis and issis
00:16:35.232 --> 00:16:37.352
Jenna Udenberg: girl with all my diagnoses.
00:16:37.792 --> 00:16:40.472
Jenna Udenberg: And then later on in life, I got diabetes. So I'm like, oh, no,
00:16:40.512 --> 00:16:47.412
Jenna Udenberg: I've got edes in there too. But, you know, so it's just an interesting compounding circle of things.
00:16:47.692 --> 00:16:51.632
Jenna Udenberg: So even when people ask, you know, like, well, so how is this part of your diagnosis going?
00:16:51.692 --> 00:16:55.912
Jenna Udenberg: And it's like, well, all of them are swinging targets and all of them have different thresholds.
00:16:56.492 --> 00:16:59.872
Jenna Udenberg: So the symptom I could be having could be from this or it could be from that
00:16:59.872 --> 00:17:01.672
Jenna Udenberg: or it could be from this or it could be from that.
00:17:02.032 --> 00:17:05.552
Jenna Udenberg: So, yeah, it's all all complex and all connected.
00:17:05.832 --> 00:17:07.512
Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Wow. Wow. Now.
00:17:08.413 --> 00:17:14.153
Kevin Lowe: As a child, when this diagnosis came through, things started to progress.
00:17:14.553 --> 00:17:16.813
Kevin Lowe: How would it impact your life?
00:17:17.133 --> 00:17:22.113
Jenna Udenberg: Yeah. So I was in a wheelchair by age eight. So within a year of diagnoses,
00:17:22.113 --> 00:17:24.373
Jenna Udenberg: I was already a wheelchair user.
00:17:24.653 --> 00:17:30.453
Jenna Udenberg: Got to rent an army green old hospital chair that was a pediatric size.
00:17:30.973 --> 00:17:34.033
Jenna Udenberg: Not fun. Not cool in any way, shape or form.
00:17:34.213 --> 00:17:39.673
Jenna Udenberg: No. My family lived in a split level entry home. So there's five steps to get
00:17:39.673 --> 00:17:43.713
Jenna Udenberg: up to the main level where my bedroom and bathroom and kitchen and all the things were.
00:17:43.973 --> 00:17:48.273
Jenna Udenberg: And then like a half flight of stairs downstairs to the playroom and laundry
00:17:48.273 --> 00:17:49.513
Jenna Udenberg: and my other siblings bedrooms.
00:17:50.273 --> 00:17:55.573
Jenna Udenberg: So my mom and my dad and my oldest sister who moved home after college had to
00:17:55.573 --> 00:18:00.013
Jenna Udenberg: lift me up all of those stairs up and down every time to go to school, to go to medical.
00:18:00.433 --> 00:18:02.993
Jenna Udenberg: I wanted to go and play with neighborhood friends.
00:18:03.773 --> 00:18:07.013
Jenna Udenberg: Eventually my dad and probably my uncle and some
00:18:07.013 --> 00:18:09.853
Jenna Udenberg: other friends helped him take out a window in our kitchen
00:18:09.853 --> 00:18:12.793
Jenna Udenberg: and so now we have a a ramp and
00:18:12.793 --> 00:18:17.353
Jenna Udenberg: an entry out of the side of our house and that was probably I don't know five
00:18:17.353 --> 00:18:21.453
Jenna Udenberg: six years after being in my chair I would say but yeah because you know at that
00:18:21.453 --> 00:18:24.133
Jenna Udenberg: time it was like well she could go into remission at any time and it's like
00:18:24.133 --> 00:18:28.873
Jenna Udenberg: with how devastating that disease just took over the body because it went from
00:18:28.873 --> 00:18:31.933
Jenna Udenberg: my right knee to my left ankle to my right hip.
00:18:32.093 --> 00:18:36.333
Jenna Udenberg: I mean, I felt like a game of Tetris. It was like, we are just playing catch
00:18:36.333 --> 00:18:37.933
Jenna Udenberg: up and we don't know where the next thing is.
00:18:38.033 --> 00:18:40.913
Jenna Udenberg: And then it went to my right elbow and then it went to, you know,
00:18:40.953 --> 00:18:42.713
Jenna Udenberg: it was just every other body part.
00:18:42.913 --> 00:18:46.273
Jenna Udenberg: And then of course you'd compensate. So then the other sides would get all pissy
00:18:46.273 --> 00:18:49.373
Jenna Udenberg: because it was doing too much work compared to the other side.
00:18:50.210 --> 00:18:53.850
Jenna Udenberg: Sore stuff. So lots of pain, lots of heat, lots of swelling,
00:18:54.250 --> 00:18:58.550
Jenna Udenberg: lots of tears, lots of tears hiding away because I wasn't a very demonstrative
00:18:58.550 --> 00:19:01.170
Jenna Udenberg: little kid. I wanted to keep it to myself.
00:19:01.530 --> 00:19:05.090
Jenna Udenberg: And I had friends throughout the whole thing. I mean, I think that's the most
00:19:05.090 --> 00:19:09.190
Jenna Udenberg: resilient part of that story is like, you know, I always had good friends.
00:19:09.190 --> 00:19:11.170
Jenna Udenberg: I've always had a great support system.
00:19:11.650 --> 00:19:16.270
Jenna Udenberg: And yet, you know, my parents really made our house kind of be my hub because
00:19:16.270 --> 00:19:20.190
Jenna Udenberg: I couldn't go to my friend's houses for sleepovers or parties or birthday parties.
00:19:20.850 --> 00:19:25.210
Jenna Udenberg: And at that time, you know, it was just before the Americans with Disabilities Act was passed.
00:19:25.650 --> 00:19:30.470
Jenna Udenberg: And even though it was passed in July of 1990, by the time it really had a ripple
00:19:30.470 --> 00:19:34.550
Jenna Udenberg: effect up to Northern Minnesota and rural Minnesota, even today,
00:19:34.550 --> 00:19:37.110
Jenna Udenberg: there's a lot of spaces that aren't accessible.
00:19:37.590 --> 00:19:41.090
Jenna Udenberg: So as a kid, it was like, oh, come to the pool party because Jenna can come to the hotel.
00:19:41.090 --> 00:19:43.810
Jenna Udenberg: And it's like, oh, well, you missed that ginormous step because there's
00:19:43.810 --> 00:19:47.230
Jenna Udenberg: no curb cut to get into the hotel or just generally
00:19:47.230 --> 00:19:50.030
Jenna Udenberg: want to do all the work to get to the pool party but she can't
00:19:50.030 --> 00:19:53.270
Jenna Udenberg: get in the pool so how fun is that and
00:19:53.270 --> 00:19:58.490
Jenna Udenberg: yeah so you know just struggles but I again when you're a kid and and you don't
00:19:58.490 --> 00:20:01.870
Jenna Udenberg: know anything different in life you know like I said earlier I have memories
00:20:01.870 --> 00:20:05.950
Jenna Udenberg: of my childhood and walking and running and you know doing cartwheels and all
00:20:05.950 --> 00:20:10.530
Jenna Udenberg: the things kids do I have those memories but when I was going through it,
00:20:10.870 --> 00:20:15.330
Jenna Udenberg: I don't remember that I was like, I can't do that or I'm pissed about it.
00:20:15.630 --> 00:20:22.430
Jenna Udenberg: I'm sure there was moments of it, but I don't know that I ever had huge things as a young kid.
00:20:22.550 --> 00:20:26.850
Jenna Udenberg: When I was 15, I went through a big depression because I was going through lots of medical stuff.
00:20:27.130 --> 00:20:32.870
Jenna Udenberg: And so I had a plan for suicide. And that's a whole other area if you want to get into or not.
00:20:33.030 --> 00:20:39.450
Jenna Udenberg: But that was the biggest time that I was definitely seeing what others could
00:20:39.450 --> 00:20:42.550
Jenna Udenberg: do and what I couldn't do. And the pain became too much.
00:20:42.730 --> 00:20:42.950
Kevin Lowe: Hmm.
00:20:43.918 --> 00:20:48.498
Kevin Lowe: Wow. Wow. Yeah. Well, we, we will definitely circle back to that.
00:20:48.698 --> 00:20:55.898
Kevin Lowe: But before we get even that far along in your childhood, I know that I think
00:20:55.898 --> 00:21:00.778
Kevin Lowe: it was maybe in sixth grade when the trumpet entered your life.
00:21:01.418 --> 00:21:01.598
Jenna Udenberg: Yeah.
00:21:01.998 --> 00:21:09.658
Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Talk to me about how that began and the love for none other than the trumpet?
00:21:10.218 --> 00:21:13.938
Jenna Udenberg: Yeah. So, you know, like I said, I was a baby by a lot.
00:21:14.058 --> 00:21:18.618
Jenna Udenberg: And so my brother was big in hunting and fishing, had nothing to do with band or choir.
00:21:18.818 --> 00:21:23.578
Jenna Udenberg: My two other sisters, my oldest sister played the cornet, which is like,
00:21:23.698 --> 00:21:26.938
Jenna Udenberg: I don't want to say the baby version of the trumpet. It's just built differently
00:21:26.938 --> 00:21:28.698
Jenna Udenberg: than the trumpet, but it's on the trumpet family.
00:21:29.078 --> 00:21:33.958
Jenna Udenberg: And then my other sister played the flute and I was like, the flute is too girly and too small.
00:21:34.418 --> 00:21:38.658
Jenna Udenberg: So I will go with the trumpet because we have one here and we'll see how it goes.
00:21:38.978 --> 00:21:43.718
Jenna Udenberg: But then my good friends, they were more cool than me. And they were playing
00:21:43.718 --> 00:21:46.238
Jenna Udenberg: saxophone and drums and clarinet.
00:21:46.458 --> 00:21:49.578
Jenna Udenberg: And I was like, I have the cornet. Okay.
00:21:50.218 --> 00:21:54.298
Jenna Udenberg: Well, in sixth grade, my right elbow was starting to fuse from the arthritis.
00:21:54.658 --> 00:22:00.378
Jenna Udenberg: So my elbow eventually didn't fuse all the way straight, but it didn't fuse like at 90.
00:22:00.598 --> 00:22:03.798
Jenna Udenberg: So it's somewhere in between 90 and 180.
00:22:04.878 --> 00:22:08.878
Jenna Udenberg: And so during that time, I was like, hey, this friend plays the saxophone.
00:22:08.978 --> 00:22:10.438
Jenna Udenberg: A saxophone uses an extra.
00:22:10.738 --> 00:22:16.778
Jenna Udenberg: Maybe if I tie a shoelace around the big part of the coronet,
00:22:16.938 --> 00:22:20.218
Jenna Udenberg: that could help it keep some of the weight off my elbow that's fusing.
00:22:20.738 --> 00:22:27.518
Jenna Udenberg: And instead of trying to play right-handed, how about I use my left fingers to move the belt?
00:22:27.818 --> 00:22:33.138
Jenna Udenberg: Well, we had a pretty nationally and internationally known music educator as
00:22:33.138 --> 00:22:36.778
Jenna Udenberg: our beginning band teacher, and he was a trumpet player.
00:22:36.998 --> 00:22:39.618
Jenna Udenberg: And I will always remember, I loved him, don't get me wrong,
00:22:39.658 --> 00:22:42.538
Jenna Udenberg: but he came to me one day and he said, just so you know, there's no such thing
00:22:42.538 --> 00:22:43.838
Jenna Udenberg: as a left-handed trumpet player.
00:22:44.398 --> 00:22:46.618
Jenna Udenberg: And you don't tell an Udenberg that they can't do anything.
00:22:48.578 --> 00:22:52.958
Jenna Udenberg: So again, love him, love him, but you know, put this in your pipe and smoke it.
00:22:53.698 --> 00:22:58.518
Jenna Udenberg: And yeah, I just went for it. And so by eighth grade,
00:22:58.518 --> 00:23:02.938
Jenna Udenberg: he had retired and a new younger female
00:23:02.938 --> 00:23:05.978
Jenna Udenberg: spitfire little short band director came
00:23:05.978 --> 00:23:10.218
Jenna Udenberg: in and uh she yeah complete
00:23:10.218 --> 00:23:14.478
Jenna Udenberg: pivoted my whole life and world so she figured out that hey jenna you're just
00:23:14.478 --> 00:23:17.598
Jenna Udenberg: listening to others play this and then you're playing it well but you have no
00:23:17.598 --> 00:23:21.938
Jenna Udenberg: idea how to read rhythm and okay jenna well now you're kind of outgrowing this
00:23:21.938 --> 00:23:26.418
Jenna Udenberg: cornet you need to like invest and a real trumpet and like do all the things
00:23:26.418 --> 00:23:28.718
Jenna Udenberg: because you're actually really good at what you're doing.
00:23:29.668 --> 00:23:33.088
Jenna Udenberg: And so then the high school director at that time kind of got involved.
00:23:33.228 --> 00:23:35.248
Jenna Udenberg: And he's like, yeah, you have to have real trumpet.
00:23:35.888 --> 00:23:40.228
Jenna Udenberg: You're going to go far. You're going to do things. And we're going to invest
00:23:40.228 --> 00:23:42.668
Jenna Udenberg: in you. So you need to invest in yourself.
00:23:43.248 --> 00:23:46.188
Jenna Udenberg: And then that's when my depression happened and all the things.
00:23:46.408 --> 00:23:51.028
Jenna Udenberg: But music and band was the whole thing for me to come out of that.
00:23:51.228 --> 00:23:52.928
Jenna Udenberg: And that was my even playing field.
00:23:53.828 --> 00:23:58.308
Jenna Udenberg: As an eighth grader, I was a joint lead trumpet player.
00:23:58.308 --> 00:24:02.208
Jenna Udenberg: In ninth grade, I was the only freshman to be playing first trumpet.
00:24:02.208 --> 00:24:09.008
Jenna Udenberg: I was being groomed to become the lead trumpet of not only our high school band, but also the jazz band.
00:24:09.168 --> 00:24:12.788
Jenna Udenberg: I was being groomed into becoming the bugler for our city.
00:24:12.988 --> 00:24:19.068
Jenna Udenberg: So anytime there's a veteran military funeral, I was called upon and a few others
00:24:19.068 --> 00:24:24.688
Jenna Udenberg: to go and play a taps, which is an ultimate honor to give to our veterans and their families.
00:24:25.528 --> 00:24:28.968
Jenna Udenberg: And so just, you know, crazy open doors opened.
00:24:29.288 --> 00:24:33.368
Jenna Udenberg: My eighth grade band teacher, I mean, was just instrumental in all of that because
00:24:33.368 --> 00:24:38.148
Jenna Udenberg: she privately used her car to get me to and from honor bands and honor jazz
00:24:38.148 --> 00:24:43.468
Jenna Udenberg: bands and to state contests in high school and played piano for me and just
00:24:43.468 --> 00:24:45.668
Jenna Udenberg: all the things like unheard of things, right?
00:24:45.808 --> 00:24:49.348
Jenna Udenberg: Like in schools today, I hope in the United States of America,
00:24:49.528 --> 00:24:53.708
Jenna Udenberg: there are not teachers breaking liability rules in our current world,
00:24:53.868 --> 00:24:58.188
Jenna Udenberg: you know, to bring people in their private vehicles to spaces because school
00:24:58.188 --> 00:25:02.288
Jenna Udenberg: districts don't have enough accessible transportation to get all of their students
00:25:02.288 --> 00:25:04.308
Jenna Udenberg: to all of the things that they need to be a part of.
00:25:05.011 --> 00:25:08.471
Jenna Udenberg: And at that time too, we had to move different locations because the band room
00:25:08.471 --> 00:25:10.371
Jenna Udenberg: was not accessible in our high school.
00:25:10.511 --> 00:25:13.911
Jenna Udenberg: So I actually ended up putting hairline fractures in my femurs.
00:25:14.311 --> 00:25:19.151
Jenna Udenberg: So in my leg bone, just above my knee, because the track chair that they used
00:25:19.151 --> 00:25:24.591
Jenna Udenberg: to get me down the flight of stairs and back up would always miss a step every third step.
00:25:24.831 --> 00:25:29.311
Jenna Udenberg: So as my body would get that jolt, my body's way of compensating was slowly
00:25:29.311 --> 00:25:34.091
Jenna Udenberg: making a fracture above my knee and the doctors didn't know that my knees were
00:25:34.091 --> 00:25:37.651
Jenna Udenberg: fully fused until they got me out on the table thinking they're just going to
00:25:37.651 --> 00:25:39.031
Jenna Udenberg: do an arthroscopy one day.
00:25:39.691 --> 00:25:44.171
Jenna Udenberg: And they woke me up and I was like, hey, this is great. I'm awake. This is awesome.
00:25:44.351 --> 00:25:48.451
Jenna Udenberg: And the surgeon was like, Jenna, we just put you out and did some scans.
00:25:48.651 --> 00:25:50.031
Jenna Udenberg: There was no surgery involved.
00:25:50.551 --> 00:25:54.931
Jenna Udenberg: And you need to stay in the hospital for three days because your bone structure is so small.
00:25:55.131 --> 00:25:59.971
Jenna Udenberg: We don't have joint replacements or size to then go in and, you know,
00:26:00.211 --> 00:26:01.611
Jenna Udenberg: actually give you an ear replacement.
00:26:02.031 --> 00:26:07.971
Jenna Udenberg: And so with that, the school district ended up putting our band over at our
00:26:07.971 --> 00:26:09.731
Jenna Udenberg: elementary school at that time.
00:26:10.191 --> 00:26:13.591
Jenna Udenberg: And that caused a big riff for some of the teachers of like,
00:26:13.731 --> 00:26:17.131
Jenna Udenberg: why are we uprooting our whole school schedule because of this one kid?
00:26:17.691 --> 00:26:21.571
Jenna Udenberg: Why are we uprooting where band is because of this one kid?
00:26:21.811 --> 00:26:26.231
Jenna Udenberg: And so I heard some of these stories later in life when I came back as a music
00:26:26.231 --> 00:26:29.451
Jenna Udenberg: teacher in our district, not necessarily always when I was a kid,
00:26:29.751 --> 00:26:33.531
Jenna Udenberg: because my teachers that really were great advocates for me were protecting me.
00:26:33.871 --> 00:26:37.491
Jenna Udenberg: But interesting to hear the story is nonetheless, because you just think,
00:26:37.611 --> 00:26:40.451
Jenna Udenberg: oh, that's other places. Nobody would say that about me and my family.
00:26:41.191 --> 00:26:45.831
Jenna Udenberg: And that is also the fuel that keeps me going today in the work that I do,
00:26:45.851 --> 00:26:50.111
Jenna Udenberg: because I don't want a child or a family to go through any of the things that
00:26:50.111 --> 00:26:51.431
Jenna Udenberg: me and my family have gone through.
00:26:51.851 --> 00:26:59.231
Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Wow. You know what? It's always take stories like this that bring out
00:26:59.231 --> 00:27:01.591
Kevin Lowe: both the best and the worst in people.
00:27:02.733 --> 00:27:08.853
Kevin Lowe: You know, and focusing on the people like that eighth grade music teacher,
00:27:09.133 --> 00:27:15.993
Kevin Lowe: like applause to her and applause to all of those who, who saw you,
00:27:15.993 --> 00:27:18.553
Kevin Lowe: who saw this, this child,
00:27:18.753 --> 00:27:25.073
Kevin Lowe: this little girl who is limited in so many other ways, but there's one way that
00:27:25.073 --> 00:27:27.473
Kevin Lowe: she can stand out. And it's something that she's great at.
00:27:27.613 --> 00:27:31.993
Kevin Lowe: And they bent over backwards to be sure that you got that opportunity.
00:27:31.993 --> 00:27:37.733
Kevin Lowe: Right i think that's that's absolutely amazing now one question i want to have
00:27:37.733 --> 00:27:44.753
Kevin Lowe: is when they said that there could not be a left-handed trumpet player i assume that's because
00:27:45.413 --> 00:27:52.013
Kevin Lowe: the just the way a trumpet is designed it's meant to be played right-handed is that correct yeah
00:27:52.013 --> 00:27:56.353
Jenna Udenberg: There's some mechanics of it and like you have a third valve slide that you
00:27:56.353 --> 00:27:58.013
Jenna Udenberg: need to throw go out to do some tuning.
00:27:58.313 --> 00:28:02.133
Jenna Udenberg: And so I did have to work with a local instrument repair person,
00:28:02.533 --> 00:28:04.053
Jenna Udenberg: but he was just phenomenal.
00:28:04.333 --> 00:28:08.733
Jenna Udenberg: We're like, yeah, we just take this thing and we add another extra little metal
00:28:08.733 --> 00:28:12.153
Jenna Udenberg: part and then we put a divot in it. So the screw will like go into the divot.
00:28:12.293 --> 00:28:15.313
Jenna Udenberg: And then you can use your right hand, which I call my hook because it's the
00:28:15.313 --> 00:28:18.153
Jenna Udenberg: long hand and you can do a hook shot with it in a wheelchair basketball.
00:28:18.933 --> 00:28:21.893
Jenna Udenberg: So that's why it's called the hook. Not that I'm acting like, you
00:28:21.893 --> 00:28:25.033
Jenna Udenberg: know peter pan and captain hook nope nope nope it's the
00:28:25.033 --> 00:28:27.873
Jenna Udenberg: hook shot basketball and uh so anyway so
00:28:27.873 --> 00:28:31.193
Jenna Udenberg: then my hook could trigger that while my left hand played and
00:28:31.193 --> 00:28:35.413
Jenna Udenberg: then also as a left-handed trumpet player you have the bell going through your
00:28:35.413 --> 00:28:40.613
Jenna Udenberg: hand so it's like a the tube gets bigger in your left hand as you're playing
00:28:40.613 --> 00:28:45.293
Jenna Udenberg: instead of being more nimble with a really small lead pipe in your right hand
00:28:45.293 --> 00:28:48.453
Jenna Udenberg: if you're a right-handed trumpet player so there are just things i had to get
00:28:48.453 --> 00:28:49.153
Jenna Udenberg: through and accommodate.
00:28:49.493 --> 00:28:53.553
Jenna Udenberg: And then when my wrists and shoulders became impacted, then I worked with people
00:28:53.553 --> 00:28:56.433
Jenna Udenberg: to make a wooden trumpet stand.
00:28:56.573 --> 00:29:00.833
Jenna Udenberg: And eventually I had a metal one that could telescope in and out for different
00:29:00.833 --> 00:29:04.033
Jenna Udenberg: heights, depending on my day and my posture and that kind of stuff.
00:29:04.233 --> 00:29:06.753
Jenna Udenberg: So, you know, where there's a will, there's a way.
00:29:06.993 --> 00:29:10.573
Jenna Udenberg: And where you have people that just see you as a human being and they want to
00:29:10.573 --> 00:29:13.813
Jenna Udenberg: come alongside you and they're amazing allies and use their skills to make your
00:29:13.813 --> 00:29:15.833
Jenna Udenberg: life easier. You know, it's a win-win.
00:29:16.333 --> 00:29:19.333
Kevin Lowe: Yeah, absolutely. That's, That's absolutely awesome.
00:29:20.216 --> 00:29:26.076
Kevin Lowe: Well, you spoke to it earlier about going through a period of bad depression.
00:29:26.336 --> 00:29:31.996
Kevin Lowe: Would you mind talking to us a little bit about that section of this time in your life?
00:29:32.576 --> 00:29:35.656
Jenna Udenberg: Yeah, I was 15, I believe.
00:29:36.216 --> 00:29:40.296
Jenna Udenberg: Yeah, I was 15. And I don't remember a lot. I remember that I was stuck in my
00:29:40.296 --> 00:29:47.776
Jenna Udenberg: bed for days on end, just battling the pain. I think I was in a severe flare-up.
00:29:48.196 --> 00:29:52.196
Jenna Udenberg: Again, that would have been one of my knees refusing. I just bought my trumpet.
00:29:52.756 --> 00:29:55.776
Jenna Udenberg: That was the one trigger I remember, you know, because when you're in those
00:29:55.776 --> 00:30:00.976
Jenna Udenberg: head spaces, anybody that's trying to make you think positively or feel better
00:30:00.976 --> 00:30:04.936
Jenna Udenberg: about yourself, you know, sorry, mom, but you know, she got the brunt of it.
00:30:05.256 --> 00:30:09.336
Jenna Udenberg: And I remember very vividly one day, she's like, but you just get your new trumpet
00:30:09.336 --> 00:30:13.316
Jenna Udenberg: and you can get back to band and like, go and flip and sell it.
00:30:13.596 --> 00:30:20.036
Jenna Udenberg: I want nothing to do with that. And like, I think that was her trigger of like, oh, this is this is real.
00:30:20.276 --> 00:30:24.896
Jenna Udenberg: There's something else going on with my kid. It's not just a bad day or a sore day.
00:30:25.136 --> 00:30:28.596
Jenna Udenberg: Like there's there's stuff. And again, this would have been like in 1995.
00:30:28.976 --> 00:30:32.516
Jenna Udenberg: So talking about mental health wasn't really a thing.
00:30:32.696 --> 00:30:35.636
Jenna Udenberg: I mean, like my rheumatologist would check on me from time to time.
00:30:35.796 --> 00:30:40.216
Jenna Udenberg: But that was such a taboo stigma world or word, I should say.
00:30:40.436 --> 00:30:42.616
Jenna Udenberg: You know, you just kind of lied about it. Like, nope, I'm good.
00:30:42.876 --> 00:30:46.176
Jenna Udenberg: Nope, I'm your good little soldier. Nope, I'm fine.
00:30:47.196 --> 00:30:54.736
Jenna Udenberg: But yeah, it wasn't. And so, yeah, I had a plan to collect all my medications
00:30:54.736 --> 00:30:58.636
Jenna Udenberg: and I was going to try to overdose, which in hindsight is like,
00:30:58.776 --> 00:31:01.976
Jenna Udenberg: I really wasn't on that grade of meds that would have even done anything.
00:31:01.976 --> 00:31:05.916
Jenna Udenberg: But when you're in that mental state, I didn't really know that. Right.
00:31:06.456 --> 00:31:12.236
Jenna Udenberg: And then I had a backup plan of, I was going to somehow get myself thrown down
00:31:12.236 --> 00:31:18.196
Jenna Udenberg: the half light of stairs in the split entry to then throw myself down the main
00:31:18.196 --> 00:31:19.996
Jenna Udenberg: set of stairs down to the basement.
00:31:20.276 --> 00:31:24.176
Jenna Udenberg: And then I was somehow going to log roll over to my dad's gun cabinet and somehow,
00:31:24.176 --> 00:31:28.536
Jenna Udenberg: you know, climb the gun cabinet to get the key and, and all those things.
00:31:28.636 --> 00:31:33.916
Jenna Udenberg: Like that was my backup plan, which again, it just shows how much pain and not
00:31:33.916 --> 00:31:37.456
Jenna Udenberg: logical thinking, you know, was going on there, but it was just like,
00:31:37.576 --> 00:31:39.896
Jenna Udenberg: I just needed relief. I just wanted no way out.
00:31:40.436 --> 00:31:46.096
Jenna Udenberg: And during that part, you know, my dog was suffering from cancer and arthritis and all of that.
00:31:46.216 --> 00:31:49.456
Jenna Udenberg: And so my family member came to put him out of his misery.
00:31:49.616 --> 00:31:55.656
Jenna Udenberg: And I remember laying in bed hearing that all happened, and wishing that he
00:31:55.656 --> 00:31:57.116
Jenna Udenberg: would come and put me out of my misery.
00:31:57.316 --> 00:32:01.496
Jenna Udenberg: But then I remembered my faith. And I remembered growing up in the church.
00:32:01.656 --> 00:32:05.656
Jenna Udenberg: And I remember all those things. And I remember crying out and just saying, you know.
00:32:06.317 --> 00:32:10.877
Jenna Udenberg: There's more to life than what I'm currently experiencing. And I can't do this on my own.
00:32:11.137 --> 00:32:17.017
Jenna Udenberg: And so I remember that day of coming to faith because then the next day was
00:32:17.017 --> 00:32:18.157
Jenna Udenberg: the Oklahoma City bombing.
00:32:18.617 --> 00:32:25.517
Jenna Udenberg: And it was also a time when a big event had happened in a dear friend's life.
00:32:26.057 --> 00:32:29.517
Jenna Udenberg: And another friend, a peer of mine had called and said, hey,
00:32:29.657 --> 00:32:32.257
Jenna Udenberg: this person's house was lost to fire.
00:32:33.457 --> 00:32:38.237
Jenna Udenberg: And we don't know how she's doing. We know that she's fine, but yeah,
00:32:38.477 --> 00:32:39.717
Jenna Udenberg: we knew that you needed to know.
00:32:40.297 --> 00:32:44.757
Jenna Udenberg: And so, yeah, like those big things helped,
00:32:44.977 --> 00:32:49.077
Jenna Udenberg: I don't want to say snap me out of it because that's not how depression works,
00:32:49.077 --> 00:32:54.577
Jenna Udenberg: but it was a great deep heart and spiritual thing for me to be like,
00:32:54.657 --> 00:32:56.637
Jenna Udenberg: no, I have to get myself out of this bed.
00:32:56.757 --> 00:33:02.297
Jenna Udenberg: I have to get to this physical space where I can check on this person who means the world to me.
00:33:02.297 --> 00:33:08.357
Jenna Udenberg: And also like there's these huge national atrocities that happened right and
00:33:08.357 --> 00:33:13.157
Jenna Udenberg: like the human spirit is stronger than those evil things that are trying to
00:33:13.157 --> 00:33:18.197
Jenna Udenberg: take different parts of us down so yeah yeah how.
00:33:18.197 --> 00:33:22.997
Kevin Lowe: Long would it be before you would ever tell anyone about those plans that you had
00:33:22.997 --> 00:33:29.237
Jenna Udenberg: That's a great question i remember writing that person whose house burned down
00:33:29.237 --> 00:33:32.557
Jenna Udenberg: a letter probably a year or two later.
00:33:32.917 --> 00:33:36.537
Jenna Udenberg: I was, like I said earlier, I was always that hidden kid.
00:33:36.637 --> 00:33:41.337
Jenna Udenberg: So if you got a letter from Jenna, you knew like, uh-oh, we're getting something.
00:33:42.717 --> 00:33:47.257
Jenna Udenberg: Because here's her words. She doesn't talk a lot, unless you get me going like
00:33:47.257 --> 00:33:49.477
Jenna Udenberg: today, right? I can talk a lot.
00:33:49.657 --> 00:33:53.997
Jenna Udenberg: But at that time, before introvertedness was like a talked about thing,
00:33:54.237 --> 00:33:55.517
Jenna Udenberg: like I was totally living it.
00:33:55.677 --> 00:33:58.177
Jenna Udenberg: Like I will sit and I will ruminate and I will wordsmith.
00:33:58.417 --> 00:34:01.797
Jenna Udenberg: And because words are important. right but having
00:34:01.797 --> 00:34:06.157
Jenna Udenberg: those deep conversations that wasn't something in our family culture or even
00:34:06.157 --> 00:34:12.017
Jenna Udenberg: in our city region culture you know Scandinavian folks we're we're pretty stoic
00:34:12.017 --> 00:34:16.037
Jenna Udenberg: you keep you keep your cards close to your heart but yeah something started
00:34:16.037 --> 00:34:19.877
Jenna Udenberg: breaking in me and I knew I needed to share that story and you know it's kind
00:34:19.877 --> 00:34:21.397
Jenna Udenberg: of like those things where it's like you just,
00:34:21.977 --> 00:34:26.097
Jenna Udenberg: tiptoe out and like if it's okay and they accept you then you tiptoe out a little
00:34:26.097 --> 00:34:29.977
Jenna Udenberg: more and then And, ooh, maybe the ball of my foot gets to touch the water,
00:34:30.137 --> 00:34:35.897
Jenna Udenberg: you know, just very incremental in that trusting space and in those safe worlds.
00:34:36.037 --> 00:34:41.937
Jenna Udenberg: So I don't think I really shared all of this until writing my book two years ago.
00:34:42.077 --> 00:34:46.637
Jenna Udenberg: So that was definitely hard. And I know it was really hard for my family members
00:34:46.637 --> 00:34:50.577
Jenna Udenberg: to read and a lot of stuff that they had no idea about.
00:34:50.737 --> 00:34:54.417
Jenna Udenberg: But it makes sense in hindsight why they really didn't know a lot of what was
00:34:54.417 --> 00:34:56.077
Jenna Udenberg: going on because I hid it so well.
00:34:56.797 --> 00:34:57.137
Kevin Lowe: Yeah.
00:34:58.008 --> 00:35:01.328
Kevin Lowe: Wow. Would you ever pick the trumpet back up?
00:35:01.528 --> 00:35:04.708
Jenna Udenberg: It is a humbling piece of metal, let me tell you.
00:35:07.548 --> 00:35:10.468
Jenna Udenberg: Throughout the last year, I have been picking it up.
00:35:10.608 --> 00:35:13.468
Jenna Udenberg: So I played all the way through. I was in our city band.
00:35:13.588 --> 00:35:18.928
Jenna Udenberg: I went to college. I got my double degree, taught music for 19 years.
00:35:19.188 --> 00:35:24.388
Jenna Udenberg: The pandemic made it hard. I miss playing in ensembles. I miss having those abilities.
00:35:24.928 --> 00:35:30.488
Jenna Udenberg: I did brush it off last Memorial Day and played taps for a local ceremony.
00:35:30.728 --> 00:35:35.228
Jenna Udenberg: But that's what I miss the most. I miss using those gifts and talents to bless others.
00:35:35.508 --> 00:35:38.048
Jenna Udenberg: I miss being on worship teams, playing my trumpets.
00:35:38.468 --> 00:35:41.988
Jenna Udenberg: I miss just, you know, making those relationships through music.
00:35:42.288 --> 00:35:45.568
Jenna Udenberg: But yeah, so I have been picking up my trumpets. I live in an apartment,
00:35:45.568 --> 00:35:50.068
Jenna Udenberg: so that makes it a little harder, too, when you're an arrogantly trumpet player
00:35:50.068 --> 00:35:53.208
Jenna Udenberg: mentality who wants to play quietly, right?
00:35:53.588 --> 00:35:53.988
Kevin Lowe: Yes.
00:35:56.328 --> 00:35:59.068
Jenna Udenberg: So I have a good friend who lets me come and play in her
00:35:59.068 --> 00:36:02.108
Jenna Udenberg: garage and I call it the garage Mahal because it's a heated garage so
00:36:02.108 --> 00:36:04.808
Jenna Udenberg: I can go play there and in the winter and in
00:36:04.808 --> 00:36:09.168
Jenna Udenberg: the summer and all the things so that's been a blessing but yeah I also need
00:36:09.168 --> 00:36:14.488
Jenna Udenberg: to do it for my health and this was the fun part sharing in the book was a rheumatologist
00:36:14.488 --> 00:36:18.828
Jenna Udenberg: that I had since childhood would always be like so what do you plan or when's
00:36:18.828 --> 00:36:23.028
Jenna Udenberg: your next concert and then it took like decades for him to tell me that he is
00:36:23.028 --> 00:36:24.408
Jenna Udenberg: actually a jazz pianist.
00:36:25.177 --> 00:36:30.077
Jenna Udenberg: So I had always hoped to go and see him at a gig, but that didn't happen.
00:36:30.117 --> 00:36:31.577
Jenna Udenberg: And he has since retired.
00:36:31.977 --> 00:36:36.697
Jenna Udenberg: But I didn't know that he was asking about my trumpet playing because that was
00:36:36.697 --> 00:36:40.017
Jenna Udenberg: a way of him making sure not only about my mental health,
00:36:40.157 --> 00:36:48.257
Jenna Udenberg: but about my lung capacity, about how much all of the mechanics around my spine,
00:36:48.537 --> 00:36:53.197
Jenna Udenberg: how that was impacting my scoliosis and my strength and, you know, all the things.
00:36:53.197 --> 00:36:59.117
Jenna Udenberg: And now that I've crossed over the age of 45 and the lovely natural decay is
00:36:59.117 --> 00:37:03.777
Jenna Udenberg: happening, here we go, more thresholds to cross.
00:37:04.377 --> 00:37:08.557
Jenna Udenberg: I am seeing a PT that does the Shroff method for scoliosis.
00:37:08.937 --> 00:37:11.897
Jenna Udenberg: And so now she's like, oh, trumpet player. Yep, you're an arrogant one.
00:37:12.077 --> 00:37:13.897
Jenna Udenberg: Yeah, you need to. Yeah. Have you been playing your trumpet?
00:37:14.077 --> 00:37:18.177
Jenna Udenberg: I'm like, no, it's so humbling to sit and play hot cross buns when he used to
00:37:18.177 --> 00:37:22.117
Jenna Udenberg: be like a semi-pro like level player. Like, you know what?
00:37:22.117 --> 00:37:24.097
Kevin Lowe: Yes so
00:37:24.097 --> 00:37:29.137
Jenna Udenberg: Yeah i am i am playing hot cross buns again kevin and i'm doing all the the
00:37:29.137 --> 00:37:31.057
Jenna Udenberg: things that i taught my beginners for years.
00:37:31.057 --> 00:37:34.497
Kevin Lowe: But it's fun yeah it's what matters yes
00:37:34.497 --> 00:37:37.697
Kevin Lowe: yes well that i i love to hear that so
00:37:37.697 --> 00:37:42.877
Kevin Lowe: much well before we kind of can proceed like with your story i wanted to ask
00:37:42.877 --> 00:37:48.777
Kevin Lowe: you a couple of things that when preparing for our interview in that is that
00:37:48.777 --> 00:37:56.497
Kevin Lowe: you say that you feel like disability is not a bad word that I feel like in society today,
00:37:56.497 --> 00:38:00.037
Kevin Lowe: people maybe hesitate to use the term disability.
00:38:00.337 --> 00:38:01.817
Kevin Lowe: Would you speak to that?
00:38:02.437 --> 00:38:07.617
Jenna Udenberg: I would say it's taken me a long time to get to this point, right?
00:38:07.817 --> 00:38:11.957
Jenna Udenberg: Because even though I've been disabled more years than I wasn't,
00:38:12.097 --> 00:38:16.677
Jenna Udenberg: I really grew up in the very abled culture.
00:38:17.097 --> 00:38:23.557
Jenna Udenberg: I grew up rural. There were other kiddos that were in wheelchairs or used crutches
00:38:23.557 --> 00:38:27.837
Jenna Udenberg: or walkers, but I was kind of that trailblazer of.
00:38:28.958 --> 00:38:33.518
Jenna Udenberg: Being fully mainstreamed. I couldn't think of the word there for a second.
00:38:33.838 --> 00:38:35.358
Jenna Udenberg: Fully mainstreamed academically.
00:38:35.778 --> 00:38:40.418
Jenna Udenberg: So that was some of the struggles that I faced with teachers because they were
00:38:40.418 --> 00:38:44.398
Jenna Udenberg: just like, oh, you're IEP kid. You belong in this space.
00:38:44.758 --> 00:38:48.438
Jenna Udenberg: Why are you out here? You shouldn't be out here. You should be over here.
00:38:48.898 --> 00:38:56.158
Jenna Udenberg: And so as if my wheelchair and my hook and my physical being already didn't
00:38:56.158 --> 00:38:57.818
Jenna Udenberg: other me in people's perspective,
00:38:57.818 --> 00:39:03.218
Jenna Udenberg: then it was all those other stigmas and all the things that we've done by trying
00:39:03.218 --> 00:39:07.218
Jenna Udenberg: to label to understand the disability community, you know, and I,
00:39:07.218 --> 00:39:08.898
Jenna Udenberg: and I get it, right? I'm an educator.
00:39:09.218 --> 00:39:13.898
Jenna Udenberg: So, you know, a kindergartner shows up and you say, this is a blue crayon, Johnny.
00:39:14.198 --> 00:39:18.898
Jenna Udenberg: This is a red crayon, Johnny. There's the label. That's blue. That's red, right?
00:39:19.598 --> 00:39:22.718
Jenna Udenberg: So there's Kevin. Kevin is blind. There's Jenna.
00:39:22.898 --> 00:39:27.718
Jenna Udenberg: Jenna uses a wheelchair. They're Sally, Sally, you know, whatever the label is, right?
00:39:28.138 --> 00:39:32.118
Jenna Udenberg: So I get that we need labels to understand the world around us,
00:39:32.238 --> 00:39:35.058
Jenna Udenberg: but our labels don't define us.
00:39:35.258 --> 00:39:38.418
Jenna Udenberg: So for me, I am a proud disabled female.
00:39:38.818 --> 00:39:45.578
Jenna Udenberg: And when I say proud, I don't mean it in the slimy things that some people say
00:39:45.578 --> 00:39:47.198
Jenna Udenberg: when they say proud or pride.
00:39:48.018 --> 00:39:54.138
Jenna Udenberg: I mean, I'm no longer allowing other people's negative connotations to define who I am.
00:39:55.218 --> 00:40:00.778
Jenna Udenberg: So I know that I deserve to have a space at the table. I know that I and other
00:40:00.778 --> 00:40:02.738
Jenna Udenberg: people like me deserve to be stakeholders.
00:40:03.138 --> 00:40:07.658
Jenna Udenberg: I know that my story and other people's stories, similar or different than mine,
00:40:08.458 --> 00:40:13.918
Jenna Udenberg: all belong in this huge, amazing tapestry of life to be shared,
00:40:14.178 --> 00:40:18.918
Jenna Udenberg: to be valued, to be listened to, and to be appreciated and to be acted upon.
00:40:19.318 --> 00:40:26.518
Jenna Udenberg: And so when I say disability is not a bad word, for me, I'm tired after being in a chair for 38 years.
00:40:26.738 --> 00:40:32.438
Jenna Udenberg: I am tired of infantizing or making people feel like they're younger or less
00:40:32.438 --> 00:40:39.958
Jenna Udenberg: than because other people feel uncomfortable saying that Jenna is disabled. Jenna has arthritis.
00:40:40.558 --> 00:40:44.778
Jenna Udenberg: Jenna can't walk for long periods of time or space.
00:40:44.778 --> 00:40:50.678
Jenna Udenberg: You know like i just say i'm disabled jenna doesn't like the word handicap i
00:40:50.678 --> 00:40:52.558
Jenna Udenberg: have never played real golf a
00:40:52.558 --> 00:40:57.098
Jenna Udenberg: day in my life and i do not know what my handicap is when it comes to golf.
00:40:58.438 --> 00:41:02.838
Jenna Udenberg: I also don't usually use like my favorite at one of the schools i used to teach
00:41:02.838 --> 00:41:08.238
Jenna Udenberg: at it's just had disabled toilet on the door and i'm like huh i wonder what
00:41:08.238 --> 00:41:11.598
Jenna Udenberg: disability the toilet has Yes. Is it not able to flush today?
00:41:11.978 --> 00:41:13.778
Jenna Udenberg: Is it not like what?
00:41:14.178 --> 00:41:18.578
Jenna Udenberg: What? I don't understand. Right. And my other sister worked with me at the time.
00:41:18.758 --> 00:41:22.298
Jenna Udenberg: And so then she was like quickly went in her office and like made a like accessible
00:41:22.298 --> 00:41:26.158
Jenna Udenberg: bathroom sign to put over the sign that said disabled toilet.
00:41:27.194 --> 00:41:31.294
Jenna Udenberg: But anyways, right. And so also for listeners, like, you know,
00:41:31.454 --> 00:41:34.574
Jenna Udenberg: I am in culture and I'm out of culture as well.
00:41:34.734 --> 00:41:39.554
Jenna Udenberg: So like, yes, politically correct. I am a person with a disability, but the person first.
00:41:40.174 --> 00:41:45.354
Jenna Udenberg: But when I'm in disability culture and disability community, I am a disabled female.
00:41:45.594 --> 00:41:51.294
Jenna Udenberg: I'm a disabled human. Like, it is a part of me. And so even when my nearest
00:41:51.294 --> 00:41:55.474
Jenna Udenberg: and dearest friends are like, Jenna, I picked this place and I'm so sorry,
00:41:55.474 --> 00:41:57.234
Jenna Udenberg: I don't see your wheelchair anymore.
00:41:57.614 --> 00:41:59.934
Jenna Udenberg: We've had many conversations because it's like, well, honey,
00:42:00.134 --> 00:42:03.794
Jenna Udenberg: thank you in one aspect because you're, you know, like you're thinking that's
00:42:03.794 --> 00:42:07.434
Jenna Udenberg: a compliment, but here's the other side of what you just said.
00:42:07.434 --> 00:42:11.554
Jenna Udenberg: And especially when I'm an accessibility educator and a disability activist
00:42:11.554 --> 00:42:15.054
Jenna Udenberg: and advocate, like, how do you not see my chair?
00:42:16.414 --> 00:42:20.194
Jenna Udenberg: But I get it, right? Like, I hear Kevin's voice.
00:42:20.554 --> 00:42:24.074
Jenna Udenberg: Like, Kevin is like, whatever I'm imagining from the images I've seen of you.
00:42:24.214 --> 00:42:26.874
Jenna Udenberg: Like, you know what I mean? Like, I haven't seen you in community because we
00:42:26.874 --> 00:42:29.814
Jenna Udenberg: know each other from the phone and from this video call, right?
00:42:30.014 --> 00:42:30.354
Kevin Lowe: Yes.
00:42:30.354 --> 00:42:35.474
Jenna Udenberg: So it's like, I understand because I've done that to others as well of like,
00:42:35.634 --> 00:42:37.474
Jenna Udenberg: oh, that's right. You're disabled.
00:42:37.734 --> 00:42:42.294
Jenna Udenberg: Okay. I forget about, you know, like, oh, accommodations, all the things.
00:42:42.994 --> 00:42:49.634
Jenna Udenberg: But yeah, just the other flip side is like, please don't stop seeing my disability
00:42:49.634 --> 00:42:51.494
Jenna Udenberg: because that is a part of me.
00:42:51.614 --> 00:42:56.114
Jenna Udenberg: It doesn't define me, but it is a part of me and it's made me who I am.
00:42:56.634 --> 00:43:01.214
Jenna Udenberg: And so when non-disabled people are like, oh my gosh, wouldn't you like to go back to like that,
00:43:01.916 --> 00:43:05.916
Jenna Udenberg: day on the ice rink and who knows if that even caused it right it could have
00:43:05.916 --> 00:43:09.396
Jenna Udenberg: just been a whatever not a mistake that's not the right word but i can't think
00:43:09.396 --> 00:43:16.456
Jenna Udenberg: of the word coincidence there we go and it's like no because i don't know who i'd be without it,
00:43:17.776 --> 00:43:24.996
Jenna Udenberg: you know like this is me this is life and it's important to share our story
00:43:24.996 --> 00:43:28.456
Jenna Udenberg: because nobody gets to live everybody else's life.
00:43:28.616 --> 00:43:33.056
Jenna Udenberg: So we need to share our stories so people can grow and becoming a better human
00:43:33.056 --> 00:43:35.076
Jenna Udenberg: by embracing other stories.
00:43:35.736 --> 00:43:38.996
Kevin Lowe: Yeah, yeah. Wow, wow, wow, wow.
00:43:39.636 --> 00:43:48.856
Kevin Lowe: Jenna, your mindset, your viewpoint on your situation, on your disability,
00:43:48.856 --> 00:43:53.136
Kevin Lowe: it's truly only there because you're somebody who's lived it.
00:43:53.316 --> 00:43:57.916
Kevin Lowe: You've walked it. This isn't something new. It's not something out of the ordinary.
00:43:58.276 --> 00:44:04.136
Kevin Lowe: It's like me. I've been blind for over 20 years. It's just part of life and you get used to it.
00:44:04.316 --> 00:44:10.456
Kevin Lowe: And what I would love to know is when you went into college,
00:44:10.456 --> 00:44:17.716
Kevin Lowe: so getting out of high school, we're going into college, did things get easier,
00:44:18.136 --> 00:44:25.236
Kevin Lowe: better, both like your mental health, as well as even just the accessibility
00:44:25.236 --> 00:44:32.756
Kevin Lowe: of college or the ease of just being a student. Was there any difference?
00:44:33.336 --> 00:44:37.496
Jenna Udenberg: Oh, I wish I could tell you that I went and, you know, there was unicorns and
00:44:37.496 --> 00:44:41.636
Jenna Udenberg: rainbows and not a rain cloud in the sky. But yeah, no.
00:44:43.936 --> 00:44:49.096
Jenna Udenberg: I wish, Kevin. Let's be honest. Yes. You know, you just kind of traded things.
00:44:49.336 --> 00:44:53.056
Jenna Udenberg: So I lived on my own in a dorm for the first two years.
00:44:53.476 --> 00:44:58.556
Jenna Udenberg: Within the first quarter, my roommate pretty much got relocated out of my room
00:44:58.556 --> 00:45:03.116
Jenna Udenberg: because their style of keeping things clean didn't fit with a wheelchair.
00:45:05.336 --> 00:45:08.876
Jenna Udenberg: So yeah, can't have piles of clothes on the floor because Jenna can't get around
00:45:08.876 --> 00:45:10.316
Jenna Udenberg: to the places she needs to get to.
00:45:10.536 --> 00:45:12.996
Jenna Udenberg: Can't, you know, leave this here because that just doesn't work.
00:45:13.096 --> 00:45:14.796
Jenna Udenberg: And we're still friends till this day.
00:45:14.996 --> 00:45:18.936
Jenna Udenberg: So life was good, but you know, just interesting things you learn.
00:45:19.456 --> 00:45:24.296
Jenna Udenberg: Yeah. You know, being a music major was, it's a, it's a ruthless schedule.
00:45:24.956 --> 00:45:28.676
Jenna Udenberg: Every day you were supposed to be up by 6am. You were supposed to be practicing
00:45:28.676 --> 00:45:30.936
Jenna Udenberg: for an hour or two before your 8am class.
00:45:31.556 --> 00:45:36.256
Jenna Udenberg: And then we had anywhere from 13 to 15 classes a day because most of our classes
00:45:36.256 --> 00:45:40.696
Jenna Udenberg: were either like zero credits, half credits, one credit.
00:45:40.976 --> 00:45:44.536
Jenna Udenberg: And then all those like half and one credits were like your ensemble.
00:45:44.836 --> 00:45:48.796
Jenna Udenberg: So it was like, oh, well, not only do you have to show up at ensembles anywhere
00:45:48.796 --> 00:45:50.476
Jenna Udenberg: from two to five days a week,
00:45:51.240 --> 00:45:57.040
Jenna Udenberg: For two to three hours each, you also had to go then and practice outside of all those things.
00:45:57.480 --> 00:46:00.440
Jenna Udenberg: So when you're hanging out with your, you know, science friends,
00:46:00.580 --> 00:46:04.580
Jenna Udenberg: they're like, oh, my gosh, this semester, I have five classes.
00:46:05.000 --> 00:46:11.020
Jenna Udenberg: I don't know what to do. It's like, yeah, the music majors had no love for their counterparts.
00:46:13.300 --> 00:46:17.600
Jenna Udenberg: So, you know, just the schedule was ruthless. The early mornings did not do
00:46:17.600 --> 00:46:20.560
Jenna Udenberg: well with an arthritic body. the inaccessibility.
00:46:20.920 --> 00:46:25.800
Jenna Udenberg: I went to the university that I went to because everything was connected by tunnels.
00:46:26.380 --> 00:46:30.660
Jenna Udenberg: So being somebody that lived in the dorms, I never once had to go outside in
00:46:30.660 --> 00:46:33.060
Jenna Udenberg: the winter if I ever wanted to.
00:46:33.720 --> 00:46:38.220
Jenna Udenberg: And yet then to stay accessible for me, that also meant I put on many extra
00:46:38.220 --> 00:46:41.560
Jenna Udenberg: miles every day because instead of just being able to cross a courtyard,
00:46:41.920 --> 00:46:44.820
Jenna Udenberg: I would have to go through three separate buildings and two different elevators.
00:46:45.200 --> 00:46:49.120
Jenna Udenberg: To get down to the rehearsal spot. I always had to go through the black box
00:46:49.120 --> 00:46:53.400
Jenna Udenberg: theater or through the scene shop and then had to deal with people yelling at
00:46:53.400 --> 00:46:57.180
Jenna Udenberg: me like, you can't be in here without a hard hat or, oh, I popped more tires
00:46:57.180 --> 00:46:59.840
Jenna Udenberg: in the scene shop and in the black box.
00:47:00.340 --> 00:47:04.440
Jenna Udenberg: And then the professors downstairs waiting for me to come to class or ensemble
00:47:04.440 --> 00:47:05.700
Jenna Udenberg: would be like, where's Jenna?
00:47:05.940 --> 00:47:08.380
Jenna Udenberg: We can't go in without her. Why is she late? And it's like, well,
00:47:08.500 --> 00:47:13.240
Jenna Udenberg: I'm sitting upstairs with a flat tire and I can't move because I can't damage
00:47:13.240 --> 00:47:14.960
Jenna Udenberg: my chair because I have a flat tire.
00:47:15.580 --> 00:47:20.480
Jenna Udenberg: And I still had systemic issues with professors. I think at one point I had
00:47:20.480 --> 00:47:25.420
Jenna Udenberg: four different issues with professors logged in through the,
00:47:25.600 --> 00:47:27.760
Jenna Udenberg: or as a complaint through the chancellor's office.
00:47:28.160 --> 00:47:35.960
Jenna Udenberg: I was a part of the getting a new music hall on the campus in the middle of
00:47:35.960 --> 00:47:41.060
Jenna Udenberg: my time at the university because none of their rehearsal spaces were actually
00:47:41.060 --> 00:47:42.820
Jenna Udenberg: Jenna-friendly or wheelchair accessible.
00:47:43.220 --> 00:47:47.360
Jenna Udenberg: So that was one time I got to go down to the States and be a part of the lobbying group and.
00:47:48.107 --> 00:47:53.367
Jenna Udenberg: And do all that kind of stuff. So, I mean, I learned a lot, both about myself,
00:47:53.647 --> 00:47:58.727
Jenna Udenberg: about others, about broken systems, about financial systems, you know.
00:47:59.007 --> 00:48:02.667
Jenna Udenberg: And then I was dealing with all my surgeries, right? Because I was still doing
00:48:02.667 --> 00:48:05.747
Jenna Udenberg: surgeries every nine to 12 months, even through college.
00:48:06.507 --> 00:48:10.627
Jenna Udenberg: So trying to navigate all of that, plus having a cast on your foot or having
00:48:10.627 --> 00:48:14.727
Jenna Udenberg: your legs sticking straight out because you had to have your knee redone or your hip redone.
00:48:14.927 --> 00:48:18.507
Jenna Udenberg: Like, it was a hot mess. And then I got to student teaching and it was like,
00:48:19.187 --> 00:48:23.627
Jenna Udenberg: oh, what school are we going to put Jenna in that she can be successful physically
00:48:23.627 --> 00:48:28.547
Jenna Udenberg: in, let alone attitudinally with whatever supervising teacher?
00:48:29.007 --> 00:48:34.067
Jenna Udenberg: And I had great, you know, people in practicums and in student teaching that worked with me.
00:48:34.227 --> 00:48:39.107
Jenna Udenberg: And then I got to the end of my instrumental thing because I was a double major
00:48:39.107 --> 00:48:40.207
Jenna Udenberg: instrumental and vocal.
00:48:40.207 --> 00:48:43.127
Jenna Udenberg: So I finished up my instrumental on time
00:48:43.127 --> 00:48:46.027
Jenna Udenberg: and then I stuck around for another year and a
00:48:46.027 --> 00:48:48.827
Jenna Udenberg: quarter I think it was I finished my vocal but at
00:48:48.827 --> 00:48:52.147
Jenna Udenberg: the end of my instrumental both my cooperating student
00:48:52.147 --> 00:48:55.167
Jenna Udenberg: teacher placement person and my
00:48:55.167 --> 00:48:58.047
Jenna Udenberg: university professor who I looked up to kind of like a musical
00:48:58.047 --> 00:49:01.027
Jenna Udenberg: dad both on the same day on my final
00:49:01.027 --> 00:49:03.907
Jenna Udenberg: day said well Jenna I really
00:49:03.907 --> 00:49:06.807
Jenna Udenberg: hope you come back and see us like next year or
00:49:06.807 --> 00:49:11.587
Jenna Udenberg: in a year or so and that you become a special ed teacher because you just think
00:49:11.587 --> 00:49:15.607
Jenna Udenberg: that you you haven't found your passion yet so it'd be great for you to find
00:49:15.607 --> 00:49:24.947
Jenna Udenberg: your passion and work with people like yourself and I was like are you kidding me right now.
00:49:25.862 --> 00:49:26.502
Kevin Lowe: Wow.
00:49:27.102 --> 00:49:33.642
Jenna Udenberg: So, yeah, that was that was hard. And then I went into the vocal world and the
00:49:33.642 --> 00:49:37.002
Jenna Udenberg: lead vocal person at that time was like, well, we don't really want Jenna to
00:49:37.002 --> 00:49:42.062
Jenna Udenberg: be a teacher from our institution because we know that she's not going to be able to play the piano.
00:49:42.062 --> 00:49:46.062
Jenna Udenberg: We know that she's not going to be able to do X, Y, Z in the vocal world.
00:49:46.282 --> 00:49:49.242
Jenna Udenberg: And I pretty much had to just like promise this professor, like,
00:49:49.362 --> 00:49:54.182
Jenna Udenberg: don't worry, I am never going to accept a job that I cannot be the best tool
00:49:54.182 --> 00:49:55.782
Jenna Udenberg: that I can be in these kids' lives.
00:49:57.122 --> 00:50:01.902
Jenna Udenberg: So I'll figure it out. I just want this degree because I know that my body at
00:50:01.902 --> 00:50:07.422
Jenna Udenberg: some point is going to crap the bed and I might not be able to be an amazing band director anymore.
00:50:07.422 --> 00:50:12.142
Jenna Udenberg: And that's going to kill when that time comes, but I can still use my voice
00:50:12.142 --> 00:50:16.802
Jenna Udenberg: and I can find the power of my voice and I can bring the love of music to kids
00:50:16.802 --> 00:50:20.262
Jenna Udenberg: outside of what the physicality of what this body can do.
00:50:20.742 --> 00:50:23.242
Jenna Udenberg: And so I finished my vocal.
00:50:24.302 --> 00:50:30.142
Jenna Udenberg: I, you know, did all the things and I worked at a parochial school for several
00:50:30.142 --> 00:50:32.502
Jenna Udenberg: years. And then I moved back to my hometown.
00:50:32.902 --> 00:50:37.202
Jenna Udenberg: First time working in a public school when I was here for, oh boy.
00:50:37.422 --> 00:50:41.502
Jenna Udenberg: Trying to do quick math, probably 17 years, 16, 17 years.
00:50:41.782 --> 00:50:45.022
Jenna Udenberg: But then the pandemic hit and the district came back and said,
00:50:45.322 --> 00:50:48.862
Jenna Udenberg: I believe it was on the third year of pandemic teaching, that they were no longer
00:50:48.862 --> 00:50:51.502
Jenna Udenberg: interested in accommodating my work from home orders.
00:50:52.922 --> 00:50:57.322
Jenna Udenberg: And so that led to a big identity crisis for a while.
00:50:57.602 --> 00:51:02.142
Jenna Udenberg: When I was cleaning up my office space here with all my slide whistles and puppets,
00:51:02.362 --> 00:51:06.482
Jenna Udenberg: you know, all the things music teachers use for teaching elementary music.
00:51:06.482 --> 00:51:11.982
Jenna Udenberg: I remember bending over, picking something up, an accessibility educator popped in my head.
00:51:12.062 --> 00:51:18.102
Jenna Udenberg: And I was very thankful for that new terminology because that's what makes me
00:51:18.102 --> 00:51:21.902
Jenna Udenberg: and my nonprofit stand out because we're all education-based.
00:51:21.902 --> 00:51:24.042
Jenna Udenberg: We're all story-based. We're all,
00:51:24.909 --> 00:51:31.249
Jenna Udenberg: can see opportunities and barriers from multiple viewpoints because that's what
00:51:31.249 --> 00:51:33.809
Jenna Udenberg: we've done for decades as educators.
00:51:34.949 --> 00:51:36.629
Jenna Udenberg: So, yeah.
00:51:37.129 --> 00:51:42.929
Kevin Lowe: Well, Jenna, I mean, I just have to say, I mean, we kind of glossed over it
00:51:42.929 --> 00:51:45.429
Kevin Lowe: in that kind of time lapse.
00:51:45.629 --> 00:51:48.969
Kevin Lowe: But I mean, you had an extensive time.
00:51:49.209 --> 00:51:53.949
Kevin Lowe: I mean, almost 20 years as a teacher. That's remarkable. Yeah.
00:51:54.409 --> 00:52:00.469
Jenna Udenberg: Yeah. And very interesting. Only once in my state were we ever the national
00:52:00.469 --> 00:52:03.029
Jenna Udenberg: hub for music education for our conference.
00:52:03.209 --> 00:52:08.229
Jenna Udenberg: And only once have I seen another person in a wheelchair at a music education conference.
00:52:09.149 --> 00:52:09.629
Kevin Lowe: Wow.
00:52:09.989 --> 00:52:12.209
Jenna Udenberg: Doesn't mean that there's not other disabled people out there.
00:52:12.409 --> 00:52:15.969
Jenna Udenberg: It just means that that, you know, in my experience, that's, that's what I saw.
00:52:16.249 --> 00:52:22.209
Jenna Udenberg: And also when I was in high school, we had a student teacher and he was blind
00:52:22.209 --> 00:52:27.689
Jenna Udenberg: and he inspired me in more ways than I think I ever knew.
00:52:27.949 --> 00:52:35.669
Jenna Udenberg: And then he became a composer when being a music educator was no longer safe space for him to be in.
00:52:35.889 --> 00:52:40.589
Jenna Udenberg: And just having that connection to his family and his wife very limitedly,
00:52:40.749 --> 00:52:46.749
Jenna Udenberg: but still being connected to them decades later is always super impactful.
00:52:47.209 --> 00:52:53.449
Jenna Udenberg: So there's a lot of disabled folks out in those professions and in those careers,
00:52:53.809 --> 00:53:00.349
Jenna Udenberg: but you don't always feel safe in expressing those needs and realities.
00:53:01.009 --> 00:53:03.489
Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Yeah. Understandable.
00:53:03.969 --> 00:53:04.149
Jenna Udenberg: Yeah.
00:53:04.549 --> 00:53:11.169
Kevin Lowe: Real quick before we move on to be a teacher for that long, what was it that
00:53:11.169 --> 00:53:16.909
Kevin Lowe: you obviously loved about being a teacher to have you in it for so long?
00:53:16.909 --> 00:53:23.929
Jenna Udenberg: Well, many people say that I'm the weird one because I love the middle level kid, right?
00:53:24.329 --> 00:53:27.549
Jenna Udenberg: So, and rightfully so, right?
00:53:27.709 --> 00:53:32.469
Jenna Udenberg: I was triggered by my eighth grade band director to become a music educator
00:53:32.469 --> 00:53:34.229
Jenna Udenberg: because she saw me as a human.
00:53:34.469 --> 00:53:38.609
Jenna Udenberg: She saw me as something that was valuable and worthy of her time.
00:53:38.729 --> 00:53:40.609
Jenna Udenberg: And that spoke volumes. Yeah.
00:53:41.185 --> 00:53:46.565
Jenna Udenberg: So, you know, and part of it is adolescents have way more energy,
00:53:46.845 --> 00:53:50.365
Jenna Udenberg: even though they sleep, you know, more hours than they're awake.
00:53:50.725 --> 00:53:58.065
Jenna Udenberg: But that energy of sarcasm and just that their body is different every single day.
00:53:58.245 --> 00:54:02.845
Jenna Udenberg: I think I just really resonate that. Right. And I was able to steal some of
00:54:02.845 --> 00:54:08.485
Jenna Udenberg: their energy when I was going through brain fog or when I was going through down or hard times.
00:54:08.905 --> 00:54:12.305
Jenna Udenberg: There was just a spark for all of it. And eventually I was able to figure out
00:54:12.305 --> 00:54:18.625
Jenna Udenberg: my spark when it came to my elementary kids and kind of my high schoolers for a few years.
00:54:18.685 --> 00:54:22.905
Jenna Udenberg: I saw high school, but, you know, high schoolers know it all and you can't teach it much.
00:54:23.165 --> 00:54:27.225
Jenna Udenberg: So that's a whole different breed of how you educate. Right.
00:54:27.665 --> 00:54:32.445
Jenna Udenberg: But yeah, you know, and then I still coach our Lego robotics team and lead a
00:54:32.445 --> 00:54:34.125
Jenna Udenberg: nonprofit there and that kind of stuff.
00:54:34.465 --> 00:54:38.305
Jenna Udenberg: And so, you know, working with that middle level, seeing those aha moments,
00:54:38.725 --> 00:54:42.805
Jenna Udenberg: you know, helping them dig deep and realize, like, dude, life is going to be
00:54:42.805 --> 00:54:44.945
Jenna Udenberg: hard. So let's suck it up together.
00:54:45.225 --> 00:54:47.545
Jenna Udenberg: Let's learn together. And let's not give up.
00:54:47.905 --> 00:54:53.425
Jenna Udenberg: Because you can't give up in life. You know, you have to develop those grit skills.
00:54:54.465 --> 00:54:58.705
Jenna Udenberg: And you'll go far just being a good human being. So let's figure out how to
00:54:58.705 --> 00:55:01.005
Jenna Udenberg: be a better human being every day that we're together.
00:55:01.825 --> 00:55:08.285
Kevin Lowe: Yeah, yeah. Jenna, you're so amazing. You are truly, truly amazing.
00:55:08.925 --> 00:55:15.745
Kevin Lowe: When you left teaching, did you go through any of that kind of like identity crisis?
00:55:16.225 --> 00:55:20.365
Kevin Lowe: I mean, the fact of, I mean, that you were a teacher for so long,
00:55:20.485 --> 00:55:27.665
Kevin Lowe: you spent all that time in school becoming a teacher and then to have that go
00:55:27.665 --> 00:55:32.625
Kevin Lowe: away do you go through any type of identity crisis and if you did
00:55:33.443 --> 00:55:37.203
Kevin Lowe: What got you kind of through it and on the other side?
00:55:37.803 --> 00:55:42.623
Jenna Udenberg: Yeah, for sure. It was hard, you know, and originally it's like,
00:55:42.823 --> 00:55:44.583
Jenna Udenberg: well, what did I go through all that for?
00:55:44.903 --> 00:55:45.123
Kevin Lowe: Yeah.
00:55:45.603 --> 00:55:48.723
Jenna Udenberg: If this was going to be the end, what was the point?
00:55:49.023 --> 00:55:49.263
Kevin Lowe: Yes.
00:55:49.943 --> 00:55:55.943
Jenna Udenberg: And it wasn't like I knew in advance. So I thought I was coming back to teach
00:55:55.943 --> 00:56:00.363
Jenna Udenberg: and the district didn't come back until like late August, like three days before
00:56:00.363 --> 00:56:03.143
Jenna Udenberg: I was supposed to be in the classroom to be like, nope, you have no classroom.
00:56:04.403 --> 00:56:08.443
Jenna Udenberg: You know, so it's like, I didn't have a last concert or a last program.
00:56:08.703 --> 00:56:13.263
Jenna Udenberg: My kids didn't know what was going on. I even had a colleague and a good friend
00:56:13.263 --> 00:56:16.363
Jenna Udenberg: of mine being like, every day there's music.
00:56:16.463 --> 00:56:20.383
Jenna Udenberg: I have to tell my kids that you're still alive because they think that you died of COVID.
00:56:21.543 --> 00:56:25.543
Jenna Udenberg: But I was in the middle of the struggle with the district and the union and
00:56:25.543 --> 00:56:29.663
Jenna Udenberg: lawyers and all the things to just, you know, figure out what was going on.
00:56:29.663 --> 00:56:34.083
Jenna Udenberg: And I'm like, I can't make a video to be like, hi, kids, I'm still alive.
00:56:34.083 --> 00:56:35.523
Jenna Udenberg: I just can't teach you music.
00:56:35.923 --> 00:56:40.783
Jenna Udenberg: But go and be good to humans and sing and play and do all the things and keep
00:56:40.783 --> 00:56:45.903
Jenna Udenberg: learning. And you'll see me out on the street when COVID's gone, question mark.
00:56:46.203 --> 00:56:49.403
Jenna Udenberg: Like, you know, like, how do you how do you cover that?
00:56:49.983 --> 00:56:53.083
Jenna Udenberg: So yeah, so I'm very thankful that I still get to, you know,
00:56:53.203 --> 00:56:58.183
Jenna Udenberg: coach the Lego robotics and live life out that way. I think had that gone away,
00:56:58.463 --> 00:57:02.383
Jenna Udenberg: that would have been, yeah, the last nail in the coffin for sure.
00:57:02.663 --> 00:57:07.003
Jenna Udenberg: But we were able to figure out ways of me being online. And I was a Bush fellow
00:57:07.003 --> 00:57:10.183
Jenna Udenberg: at that time. So I was able to use some of the funds to buy a robot.
00:57:10.183 --> 00:57:11.703
Jenna Udenberg: So we called it Miss You on a Stick.
00:57:12.023 --> 00:57:14.563
Jenna Udenberg: So my co-coach would lift me around
00:57:14.563 --> 00:57:17.543
Jenna Udenberg: different schools when they were at competitions and all the things.
00:57:17.743 --> 00:57:22.383
Jenna Udenberg: And there was just a lot of resiliency and a lot of like, this is our new normal.
00:57:22.383 --> 00:57:26.503
Jenna Udenberg: Jenna's at home, but Jenna can still come into these spaces.
00:57:26.503 --> 00:57:29.883
Jenna Udenberg: She can still use her education. She can still use her leadership.
00:57:30.143 --> 00:57:34.283
Jenna Udenberg: She can still do all the things. It just looks different.
00:57:34.943 --> 00:57:40.323
Jenna Udenberg: It was hard. Like I said earlier, I was very glad that I got the label of accessibility educator.
00:57:41.003 --> 00:57:46.403
Jenna Udenberg: I, you know, hindsight's 2020. I'm glad to see my uniqueness as a leader in
00:57:46.403 --> 00:57:51.263
Jenna Udenberg: the disability community and culture and making hopefully amazing,
00:57:51.823 --> 00:57:58.723
Jenna Udenberg: resilient, continual change in the thought processes, not only in my region, but beyond.
00:57:59.383 --> 00:58:02.723
Jenna Udenberg: But it was hard. And you know, but the world has greatly changed.
00:58:02.823 --> 00:58:06.123
Jenna Udenberg: So as people have asked me throughout the last three years, you know, do you miss teaching?
00:58:06.283 --> 00:58:08.523
Jenna Udenberg: Do you miss teaching? It's like, I miss the kids.
00:58:08.763 --> 00:58:13.023
Jenna Udenberg: I don't miss the bureaucracy. But also our society has very much changed.
00:58:13.223 --> 00:58:19.223
Jenna Udenberg: So I miss the kids that I taught once. I miss the families that I interacted with once.
00:58:19.443 --> 00:58:23.823
Jenna Udenberg: But like I said, the world is just different. Education is very different.
00:58:24.023 --> 00:58:25.083
Jenna Udenberg: Music is very different.
00:58:25.483 --> 00:58:28.183
Jenna Udenberg: And a lot of the arts aren't as supported as they used to be.
00:58:28.443 --> 00:58:30.083
Jenna Udenberg: And so that's very concerning.
00:58:30.523 --> 00:58:31.943
Kevin Lowe: Yeah, yeah, without a doubt.
00:58:32.813 --> 00:58:37.473
Kevin Lowe: Well, talk to me a bit about you deciding to write your own memoir.
00:58:37.933 --> 00:58:43.633
Kevin Lowe: I would love to know how that idea came about, this idea of being vulnerable
00:58:43.633 --> 00:58:48.533
Kevin Lowe: enough to put this story of yours on the paper, to have it published.
00:58:48.893 --> 00:58:50.713
Kevin Lowe: Walk me through that experience.
00:58:51.573 --> 00:58:55.133
Jenna Udenberg: Yeah, I've been told from a young age, especially from medical team folks,
00:58:55.313 --> 00:58:56.533
Jenna Udenberg: like, Jenna, you need to write a book.
00:58:56.873 --> 00:58:59.633
Jenna Udenberg: Like, there's just been so much life that you've lived through,
00:58:59.773 --> 00:59:03.193
Jenna Udenberg: but yet, you know, you always have this positive attitude. or you can make us
00:59:03.193 --> 00:59:05.393
Jenna Udenberg: cry one second and then you make us laugh the next.
00:59:05.593 --> 00:59:10.853
Jenna Udenberg: Like, you just need to write a book. And so I'm like, when does Jenna have time to write a book?
00:59:10.973 --> 00:59:13.493
Jenna Udenberg: Because I'm fighting all these systems just to get my degree,
00:59:13.813 --> 00:59:16.173
Jenna Udenberg: just to get my job or keep my job.
00:59:17.253 --> 00:59:21.353
Jenna Udenberg: So when that career was ended and I was in the middle of my Bush fellowship,
00:59:21.353 --> 00:59:23.973
Jenna Udenberg: it was like, all right, well, I guess now's the time.
00:59:24.273 --> 00:59:30.593
Jenna Udenberg: And so I used some of those funds to help me get education on what it meant to be an author,
00:59:31.353 --> 00:59:37.793
Jenna Udenberg: and how to self-publish your book and had coaching calls and worked with an
00:59:37.793 --> 00:59:40.593
Jenna Udenberg: editor that was local and all the things.
00:59:40.613 --> 00:59:44.573
Jenna Udenberg: It was really hard to write it at some points.
00:59:44.733 --> 00:59:48.413
Jenna Udenberg: I mean, as you've heard today, some of the hard stuff, but I also wasn't not
00:59:48.413 --> 00:59:53.173
Jenna Udenberg: going to be my authentic self in my memoir because we all go through mental
00:59:53.173 --> 00:59:58.753
Jenna Udenberg: health needs. We all go through being connected to disability in some way, shape or form.
00:59:58.873 --> 01:00:01.033
Jenna Udenberg: We all go through hard times and we all go through a mountain.
01:00:01.900 --> 01:00:07.920
Jenna Udenberg: Times too. So it's all about life. But the greatest coaching advice I had in
01:00:07.920 --> 01:00:14.860
Jenna Udenberg: that process was, Jenna, the type A, you don't need to write your story in chronological order.
01:00:15.180 --> 01:00:20.480
Jenna Udenberg: You write your story with the energy and what I learned later in disability
01:00:20.480 --> 01:00:25.680
Jenna Udenberg: culture, the term spoons, when you have the spoons to write those harder parts.
01:00:26.540 --> 01:00:31.380
Jenna Udenberg: So know your energy level, know where your spirit and heart and mind are at.
01:00:31.560 --> 01:00:35.020
Jenna Udenberg: And if that's not the day to write that part of your story, then don't do it.
01:00:35.500 --> 01:00:40.740
Jenna Udenberg: And so during that process, it took me about a year to go from beginning to
01:00:40.740 --> 01:00:44.400
Jenna Udenberg: end up process with my book and lots of ups and downs along the way.
01:00:44.680 --> 01:00:49.280
Jenna Udenberg: But I did take about three months off at one point after I wrote it all because
01:00:49.280 --> 01:00:50.800
Jenna Udenberg: I just couldn't handle it anymore.
01:00:50.980 --> 01:00:53.880
Jenna Udenberg: I was tired of my own voice. I was tired of the hard stories.
01:00:54.660 --> 01:00:57.560
Jenna Udenberg: Imposter syndrome totally kicked in, right like who
01:00:57.560 --> 01:01:01.280
Jenna Udenberg: am I to write this book who am I to spend this
01:01:01.280 --> 01:01:05.820
Jenna Udenberg: money to publish it who am I to want to start this non-profit because I like
01:01:05.820 --> 01:01:10.700
Jenna Udenberg: throw at the end of the book you know a lot of my dreams and you know will this
01:01:10.700 --> 01:01:15.500
Jenna Udenberg: ever to come to fruition and that's that's scary because once you tell somebody
01:01:15.500 --> 01:01:20.780
Jenna Udenberg: let alone the whole world like hey this is what I want to do this is why I'm here let's do it,
01:01:21.960 --> 01:01:24.500
Jenna Udenberg: then you got to do it, Kevin, right?
01:01:25.440 --> 01:01:25.880
Kevin Lowe: Exactly.
01:01:26.700 --> 01:01:30.680
Jenna Udenberg: Yeah. The word that I was given before writing was the word tapestry.
01:01:31.280 --> 01:01:34.920
Jenna Udenberg: And I didn't know how it would fit in. I didn't know what this word was about,
01:01:35.060 --> 01:01:39.260
Jenna Udenberg: but I'm like, well, I was given accessibility educator. Now I'm given tapestry.
01:01:39.880 --> 01:01:44.800
Jenna Udenberg: And so the book title is Within My Spokes. Again, a nod to why disability is
01:01:44.800 --> 01:01:50.640
Jenna Udenberg: not a bad word, because so often people see our wheelchairs and they think we're bound to them.
01:01:51.520 --> 01:01:55.660
Jenna Udenberg: And that is not true. Our wheels give us freedom. So within my spokes,
01:01:55.900 --> 01:02:01.000
Jenna Udenberg: and it was also a nod to like the real mobility firefly that I got as part of
01:02:01.000 --> 01:02:02.220
Jenna Udenberg: my Bush Fellowship as well.
01:02:02.420 --> 01:02:06.900
Jenna Udenberg: So it's an electric third wheel attachment to my chair where I've been out on
01:02:06.900 --> 01:02:12.940
Jenna Udenberg: like 450 plus miles of paved trail, of gravel trail, of limestone trail,
01:02:13.240 --> 01:02:14.680
Jenna Udenberg: of crushed granite trail,
01:02:15.300 --> 01:02:18.200
Jenna Udenberg: you know, in our state parks where I'd never been in our state parks before.
01:02:18.200 --> 01:02:20.780
Jenna Udenberg: And, you know, Minnesota land of 10,000 lakes.
01:02:21.040 --> 01:02:23.500
Jenna Udenberg: Hello, like, let's go see some more lakes.
01:02:23.920 --> 01:02:27.200
Jenna Udenberg: And so, you know, it's like a nod into the biking community.
01:02:27.460 --> 01:02:32.980
Jenna Udenberg: Because as soon as I like put the Firefly on, it is amazing being on the trail.
01:02:33.200 --> 01:02:40.780
Jenna Udenberg: Because every rider, almost every, right, like 99.5%, there are still some curmudgeons on the trail.
01:02:41.000 --> 01:02:44.620
Jenna Udenberg: But 99.5% of people actually look at me and see me.
01:02:44.940 --> 01:02:49.480
Jenna Udenberg: Like, they smile and genuinely wave. They smile and they actually say something
01:02:49.480 --> 01:02:53.120
Jenna Udenberg: kind, like love the wheels or that's awesome.
01:02:53.120 --> 01:03:00.480
Jenna Udenberg: And it's nothing that's negative or infantizing or like them feeling uncomfortable or insecure.
01:03:00.480 --> 01:03:05.640
Jenna Udenberg: It's like authentic conversations. And even though I'm still lower than them,
01:03:05.860 --> 01:03:10.040
Jenna Udenberg: because, you know, manual chairs are lower than somebody up on a big e-bike,
01:03:10.300 --> 01:03:15.320
Jenna Udenberg: they never give the feeling that they're looking down upon you,
01:03:15.520 --> 01:03:19.100
Jenna Udenberg: which can happen in other communities and other parts of culture.
01:03:19.740 --> 01:03:24.860
Jenna Udenberg: So anyways, I just wanted all those stories shared as a part of that.
01:03:25.260 --> 01:03:29.600
Jenna Udenberg: And so getting back to tapestry, it was like, so you look at a tapestry and
01:03:29.600 --> 01:03:32.940
Jenna Udenberg: on the front, you see all these vibrant colors and you see some shiny colors
01:03:32.940 --> 01:03:37.640
Jenna Udenberg: and you see some sparkling threads and you see long threads and wide threads
01:03:37.640 --> 01:03:39.540
Jenna Udenberg: and short threads and narrow threads.
01:03:40.260 --> 01:03:45.860
Jenna Udenberg: And every relationship that's come into my life has made me who I am. Good, bad, ugly...
01:03:46.588 --> 01:03:49.688
Jenna Udenberg: Amazing, long, short, all the things.
01:03:50.128 --> 01:03:53.968
Jenna Udenberg: And then when you flip the tapestry over, it's a hot mess, right?
01:03:54.108 --> 01:03:56.788
Jenna Udenberg: You've got strings all over the place. You got knots all over the place.
01:03:56.988 --> 01:03:58.208
Jenna Udenberg: One is leading to the other.
01:03:58.828 --> 01:04:02.188
Jenna Udenberg: Some are abrupt ended. Some are there the whole time.
01:04:02.868 --> 01:04:08.968
Jenna Udenberg: So within my spokes, and then the subtitle is a tapestry of pain, growth, and freedom.
01:04:09.168 --> 01:04:14.788
Jenna Udenberg: And I just felt like those three words were so true in every aspect of life.
01:04:15.508 --> 01:04:23.068
Kevin Lowe: Yeah, yeah, absolutely amazing. Where is the best places that people can find your book?
01:04:23.388 --> 01:04:28.188
Jenna Udenberg: Yeah, anywhere you buy your books. I am definitely on Amazon and there's a link
01:04:28.188 --> 01:04:32.468
Jenna Udenberg: on our website to also get it, aboveandmeadwithyou.org.
01:04:32.848 --> 01:04:37.128
Jenna Udenberg: So Above and Mead With You is our nonprofit and all the proceeds of the book
01:04:37.128 --> 01:04:40.428
Jenna Udenberg: go to the Furthering of the Nonprofits, Mission and Vision.
01:04:40.428 --> 01:04:43.408
Jenna Udenberg: And so it's above and beyond with
01:04:43.408 --> 01:04:46.108
Jenna Udenberg: you capital u because of udenberg because my
01:04:46.108 --> 01:04:49.048
Jenna Udenberg: kids you know picture little five-year-old kindergartners there's
01:04:49.048 --> 01:04:53.228
Jenna Udenberg: no way they can say miss udenberg by the time i've already flown past them yes
01:04:53.228 --> 01:04:59.148
Jenna Udenberg: so they shortened it to miss you so with you is a nod to my music career but
01:04:59.148 --> 01:05:06.568
Jenna Udenberg: it's also a nod to my belief and value in the work that i do is that It's not a drop in the pan.
01:05:06.928 --> 01:05:12.048
Jenna Udenberg: Hey, let's do this accessibility audit. And yep, I'm wheeling away and you're walking away.
01:05:12.228 --> 01:05:17.328
Jenna Udenberg: And we never, the two never meet, right? I don't believe in the checklist of ADA.
01:05:17.568 --> 01:05:22.228
Jenna Udenberg: I believe in going above and beyond. And we're being committed to accessibility inclusion.
01:05:23.288 --> 01:05:26.648
Jenna Udenberg: And we're making relationships that are long-term.
01:05:27.028 --> 01:05:30.588
Jenna Udenberg: It's not, again, we're not a checklist. We are human beings.
01:05:30.868 --> 01:05:35.488
Jenna Udenberg: Yeah. So yeah. So you can find them all there. You can find Above and Beyond
01:05:35.488 --> 01:05:37.808
Jenna Udenberg: With You on Facebook and Instagram and LinkedIn.
01:05:38.768 --> 01:05:41.668
Jenna Udenberg: And, you know, there's a connect with us on our website as well.
01:05:41.728 --> 01:05:43.348
Jenna Udenberg: So we love hearing from people.
01:05:43.468 --> 01:05:48.088
Jenna Udenberg: We want to lift up other people's voices. We want to be connected to other aspects of disability culture.
01:05:48.901 --> 01:05:52.401
Jenna Udenberg: We typically just focus on the wheelhouse, boom, boom, ching,
01:05:52.901 --> 01:05:56.861
Jenna Udenberg: of mobility disabilities because of me being a manual wheelchair user.
01:05:57.061 --> 01:06:00.581
Jenna Udenberg: And we don't believe in speaking for other parts of disability culture when
01:06:00.581 --> 01:06:01.761
Jenna Udenberg: it's not our lived experience.
01:06:01.901 --> 01:06:06.461
Jenna Udenberg: But one of our core foundation values is that we are trying to be a conduit
01:06:06.461 --> 01:06:10.961
Jenna Udenberg: so that all of different disability culture and community is embraced and celebrated.
01:06:10.961 --> 01:06:14.801
Jenna Udenberg: And we work together with other nonprofits and other organizations and entities
01:06:14.801 --> 01:06:18.601
Jenna Udenberg: to amplify the whole voice of disability culture and community.
01:06:19.141 --> 01:06:24.401
Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Amazing. Amazing. Well, I will be positive that all the links,
01:06:24.401 --> 01:06:27.501
Kevin Lowe: all the things are all in the show notes for easy access.
01:06:27.981 --> 01:06:31.401
Kevin Lowe: Awesome. Jenna, I've said it once. I'm going to say it again.
01:06:31.441 --> 01:06:32.841
Kevin Lowe: I think you're incredible.
01:06:33.481 --> 01:06:39.721
Kevin Lowe: I absolutely just, I love, I love the insight that you have on life.
01:06:39.721 --> 01:06:46.501
Kevin Lowe: I think you're such a spectacular person doing such amazing things with your life.
01:06:46.681 --> 01:06:51.281
Kevin Lowe: It has meant the world to me to get to spend this time with you today here on the podcast.
01:06:51.581 --> 01:06:54.661
Kevin Lowe: So just from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being here.
01:06:54.921 --> 01:06:59.061
Jenna Udenberg: Thank you so much, Kevin. You are an awesome host with great questions and thank
01:06:59.061 --> 01:07:03.021
Jenna Udenberg: you for sharing your life story and doing the hard work of podcasting because
01:07:03.021 --> 01:07:09.001
Jenna Udenberg: all of our stories are important and it's great to lift each other up in the work that we're doing.
01:07:09.761 --> 01:07:15.241
Kevin Lowe: Yes, absolutely. Well, my friend listening today, I hope that you have enjoyed
01:07:15.241 --> 01:07:17.401
Kevin Lowe: today's interview as much as I have.
01:07:17.701 --> 01:07:22.221
Kevin Lowe: Please be sure to check out today's show notes for all the links that you can
01:07:22.221 --> 01:07:28.421
Kevin Lowe: get plugged in with today's amazing guest, none other than Jenna Udenberg.
01:07:28.621 --> 01:07:33.761
Kevin Lowe: She is absolutely incredible, has me so enlightened, so inspired,
01:07:33.761 --> 01:07:36.681
Kevin Lowe: and I can only hope the same is true for you.
01:07:36.881 --> 01:07:40.141
Kevin Lowe: So my friend, this of course, is grit, grace, and inspiration.
01:07:40.421 --> 01:07:42.701
Kevin Lowe: Sit out there and enjoy this beautiful day.
01:07:42.960 --> 01:08:03.329
Podcast Outro Music: I got Grit, Grace, & Inspiration on my mind...