Today I will share with you four effective ways to deal with toxic

relationships and toxic people in general, no matter what scenario, no

matter what kind of relationship dynamic.

You might have seen a previous post of mine that set the following.

There are people who are lost and there are people who are dangerously lost.

The first you can have compassion and understanding for.

The latter, you need to protect yourself from at all costs.

This has triggered quite a few people and understandingly so.

Today I will go into the dangerously lost category.

People who exhibit very toxic, manipulative behavior and what you can

do if you are in an intimate relationship with them or in any relationship setting.

Um, a coworker, business relationship, a friend, no matter

what dynamic, who will go very deep here in a clear and practical way.

You will also learn about my views of toxic people.

What does it have to do with spirituality?

How can we approach this topic from a deeply grounded, spiritual standpoint?

Welcome to the Masculine and Feminine Dynamics podcast.

My name is Lorin Krenn, and I am a relationship coach.

I help you to embody your awakened masculine and awakened feminine

in relationships and life.

Let's dive in.

Before we go into the four effective ways to deal with them,

I need to make a few quick points.

Very, very clear.

You cannot change people who engage in highly toxic and manipulative behavior.

In truth, you cannot change anyone, but you can definitely inspire people

through your state of embodiment, but usually not ones who are dangerously lost.

More about it in a second.

Any attempt to change them, to treat them with love and compassion will

be used as part of their manipulative games and trying to use you.

This is the key thing, when people tell me, but, but they need compassion too.

Everyone is love.

Everyone is beautiful.

Yes, everyone needs love and they need love the most because they're

stuck at a development stage of a six year old, eight year old child.

That is why they're behaving that way.

The only thing is they are no longer 6, 7, 8 year old child.

They're an adult and potentially they have got resources.

They've got authority.

They can hurt people through their actions and through the things they do.

So you are no longer dealing with a little child that, where you just have kind of

compassion forgiveness for you are dealing with someone who can cause real damage,

whether it's an intimate relationship, a business relationship, it doesn't matter.

So yes, they need love the most.

But often what happens is that when you give them love, when you try to be

there for them, and even if they say that they want to change, that might

be part of the manipulative tactics and games they use in order to lure

you into their kind of web of drama and pain and conflict and push and pull.

So, you are right to all those who say they need love.

They need love the most.

But often they are not able to receive this love because the

moment you give them anything like that, which they so lack within,

they're going to use it against you.

And that is the difference between people who are lost, where when you give them

love and compassion understanding, they, they can be so inspired to transform,

but where, but on the other side, those who are dangerously lost, who

are so incredibly identified with their shadow that there is no consciousness

or hardly any conscious moments, maybe short glimpses and then boom,

they're back into it, um, with them.

It'll be part of that manipulative game, and that's a very tough pill to

swallow, and I understand it's not easy.

But we need to be able to discern and we need to protect our heart in this world

because not everything is love and light.

If you are deeply vulnerable and open your heart deeply to the right people, the most

beautiful magic, it's going to happen.

You know that this is what I stand for, opening our heart to the highest

capacity possible in this human life.

But if you open it to someone, if you hand it to someone who is so

identified with a shadow, they're going to cause a lot of pain.

Most often you will have to have compassion and forgiveness from a distance

because when we are so angry at them, when we're so, we feel it's so unfair

and unjust and we're constantly angry and want to want to rub it back into them,

how much they hurt us or anything, then of course that is limiting us from really

being in our, in our most aligned energy.

So have compassion and forgiveness from a distance, but giving

it to them, um, directly might lead to extremely getting hurt.

Often these toxic people are secretly, deeply, deeply obsessed with you.

So they admire you.

The problem with their obsession, admiration is because again, the

development ages, uh, of a seven, eight year old child, he doesn't know

what true love or sacred love is.

So their, their only love they know is obsession.

And obsession has an energy to it that can quickly go from one

pendulum swing to the other end.

What is the other end?

Hatred.

So it goes from obsession to hatred, obsession, hatred, obsession, hatred.

And this might keep switching.

They want to be like you, but at the same time, they hate you because

they know they can't be like you.

They want to feel the way you feel or be an empath or be capable of such joy

or have such great relationships or such an amazing life, um, Whatever it is, but

at the same time, they hate you for it.

They can't be inspired by it.

They can't let you enjoy that.

They need to play it down.

They need to tear you apart in order to feel better about themselves.

People who exhibit highly toxic traits are, as I mentioned

before, stuck in a development, a development stage of a little child.

What are children?

Children are self-centered.

The world spins around them until kind of the age of 10.

After 10, they slowly start to realize that not everything is about them.

Uh, a child makes everything about itself.

They didn't speak to me because I am bad.

They abandoned me because I am bad.

So everything is self-centered.

Children often, especially children in pain, who experienced a lot of drama

between parents and conflict as a way of escapism, they kind of create their own

interpretation of things and stories and narratives and kind of fantasy world.

And that is all kind of similar traits you often see in toxic people who, who

lie, but who believe their own lies.

They're, they're not necessarily consciously lying and are

unaware that there's a lie.

They're just making up some, they're changing the fabric of

reality making up narratives because that is where they're stuck.

That seven, eight year old child is stuck.

It hasn't evolved in any shape whatsoever.

And seeing it in that way can completely transform the way

you see toxic people because.

You no longer take it that personal.

You understand where it comes from, but even if you understand, you have

to protect yourself from it because it can be very, very, very intense.

But that is what they operate from, and now they're adults with authority,

with resources, and that little child can become a vicious monster and a dark

shadow causing incredible suffering for everyone who gets in touch with them.

Everyone they meet, there is always pain, there is always suffering.

Any relationship they have is pain because that's all they

have ever experienced as a child.

And, huh, that's kind of also my spiritual view of why people

like dictators existed, exist.

People who are capable of horrendous actions.

It's because they themself experienced so much pain.

They didn't evolve whatsoever.

There is still that 5, 6, 7 year old who.

To get totally rejected and in total confusion.

And then they became entirely, entirely, these little shadows started to grow

into one gigantic shadow that they're living from and totally trapped in.

The moment you're trying to change them, you know you've

got some healing work to do.

This is especially the case when you're in intimate relationship

with someone who exhibits highly toxic and manipulative behavior.

Because there is no changing them.

Also anyone can attract these people.

This idea that you will never attract them when you get to a certain level of

vibration, yes, there is some truth to it.

The more you awaken, the less you will draw in people in your life who

are extremely toxic and manipulative.

But even if you are very awakened, you might still have someone draw.

You didn't draw them into your life.

They appear in your life.

And because they're so clever and so manipulative, it can be hard to spot.

Specifically when you are, when your discernment is not very strong and

you are in a kind of stage, I would just want to give compassion and love

to everyone, which is beautiful, but.

Certain people you just can't give it to because they will use it against you.

Unfortunately, even though they need it the most, of course, but

they can't receive it, or at least they're not open to receive it.

Um, but remember this, you are not bad because you attracted them rather than

look, and we'll talk about that later.

But rather than asking, so why did I attract?

Them.

The question is, what kind of things did you notice but um, didn't really

look at or kind of allow to bypass or things where you thought, well, maybe

they just didn't mean it that way.

But we'll talk about that later.

And now, just before I go into the four effective ways, we get

into, just very quickly, what is my spiritual view of such people?

My spiritual view is that they.

Teach you how to stand up for yourself.

They teach you how to protect your heart, um, to express more of your dark

masculine, your dark feminine energy.

For those who have never heard me use that word, dark masculine, dark feminine

does not mean shadow, does not mean ego.

Um, we have light and we have dark, masculine, feminine energy within

us and dark, um, if expressed in a conscious way is the warrior or warriors

archetype or feminine archetypes, cali.

It's the part within us that protects the innocence and awe and, and beauty

and purity of our heart and soul.

Not everything in this world, world is love and light.

Yes, in truth.

We are all the soul.

We are all light.

But there is also the shadow that exists.

And that shadow can be so strong that a person has absolutely zero, zero

awareness of who they actually are, and they might never realize in this life.

And that's why we need to practice this sermon because such people can

cause a lot of damage in our life.

Now let's get into the four effective ways how you can deal with such people

no matter what relationship scenario.

Number one, and this is probably the most important one to understand, is you need

to keep an emotional distance with them.

You need to keep them emotionally at bay.

Because for someone who exhibits highly toxic and manipulative behavior,

your emotions are like food to them.

They feed from your emotional reactions.

They try to push your buttons.

They try to get you activated.

And if you feed them these emotions, drama gets created.

And drama is all they know.

Drama is a way for them to escape from the.

Immense storm or inner hell that they are experiencing within them.

They being inside themselves know that about them being inside

themselves is absolutely disastrous.

They're in such miserable pain every single day.

So if you think about, oh, they played me, manipulate me, they will always

lose in the end because it is them who don't have any freedom and joy and love

within them, and it is you who has that.

So even if they wronged you and all these things, remember, you will always

walk away as the quote unquote winner.

There are no winners or losers, but for lack of words.

Let's use these words in this specific context.

Now if you get activated, you kind of, you kind of feed them.

That's what they want.

They need an external drama to kind of escape from their inner pain.

They cannot be with themselves, because being inside themselves is a living hell.

Now.

If you don't feed them your emotional reactions and keep an emotional

distance between the two of you, they no longer can push your buttons,

they no longer can activate you, then you will quickly make them insecure.

You will quickly shift the power dynamic.

And this is quite interesting because the power dynamic can really

shift in an instance, and they don't know how to deal with that.

Because all their viciousness, all their cleverness in manipulate, in manipulation,

not clever, in a good way, is based on these kind of emotional pushing buttons.

You reacting and then it all gets complicated, confusing.

That's where they thrive.

That's their world, right?

But the moment they no longer get that from you is the very moment

they no longer know what to do.

They can no longer and ideally with some this will mean they will stop.

Mostly they will stop because they realize that it doesn't work with you.

You are not someone who can feed them and further kind of strength or help

them escape from their inner turmoil.

Now this is important.

The moment you no longer give them these emotional reactions and they can

push your buttons, is the moment they will quickly switch into how they were

most likely at the beginning with you.

That sweet, loving, charismatic, kind.

But this is only a tactic to lure you back into some crazy

toxicity and crazy dynamic.

Now, how do you make sure that you don't have these emotional reactions,

because deep inside you feel it's unjust.

You feel it's deeply unfair.

How do you do that?

The most important thing is to not take it personally.

Everyone who has reached a certain level in their consciousness, they

have some sense of justice, some moral ethics that they're living by.

For instance, what are some of the ethics that we have?

That we treat people as we want to be treated for instance.

Or we always give people the benefit of the doubt or we, we, we believe in some

form of justice and fairness, right?

And with people who are on the same wavelength as you and have some level

of consciousness, you can expect that you can have a adult conversation

about something and kind of clear your misunderstandings and all of that.

But with them, there is no such thing as justice, moral ethics,

and specific virtues, great virtues that they stand for.

They operate from a different place than you, a different set.

No values at the end of the day.

Um, they don't know what boundaries are.

They don't have any of that understanding and, and, and, and

level where you operate from.

So this is really powerful to allow you to no longer emotionally

react to them, because often we have these kind of stories.

It's unfair, it's unjust, and I need to, maybe if I tell them

this, they, they will understand.

No, they won't understand.

Because they will only understand if they have that same level of

consciousness as you, or if they have some level of consciousness in them.

Um, so importantly, stop hoping for some justice.

Stop hoping that some moral ethics are going to save you, or telling them that,

or doing this, telling them this or that, and doing this, or that will change it.

No, it most likely won't.

Stop treating them as if they have the same value and level

of consciousness as you.

This is a big mistake.

We do.

We treat, yes, you wanna treat people as you want to be treated, of course,

but with these kind of people, you can't treat them as if they have the same

values because it's not going to work.

They just don't operate in that way.

You are dealing with a seven year old child who is now an adult and

who is in excruciating pain and projecting that pain on everyone else.

How can you expect anything from them?

And the moment you no longer expect anything from them, the moment, the

moment you no longer take anything personally, the is the moment

you are no longer going to react.

Boom.

And the power position starts to entirely shift.

Now you are in power again.

This is hard.

This is still draining.

This is still annoying because you don't wanna keep that kind of, it's an energetic

draining, but if you are somewhat engaged with them, then this is going to at least

allow you to no longer go through these incredibly toxic cycles of suffering.

And they will try and they will push your buttons and they will

be kind and the next day they will be push and pull and all of that.

Also important here is refrain from any debates, heated conflict, because

as I mentioned, they thrive of drama.

That's the only no way they know how to feel alive.

The external drama is a way of escaping their internal hell and drama.

And that is also why they get into arguments with seemingly everyone.

Every relationship has a problem, right?

Every time there is an issue.

They lose power over you when you no longer react to everything.

With time, you gain the power position.

And as I mentioned, it's draining, um, because you cannot relax around them.

You cannot relax around such people.

But at least they no longer can hurt you in the same way as before.

And from that place, you can then create a clear plan and strategy.

I don't know your context, of course, that's not something I can give advice,

uh, for, you can create kind of your idea, um, how you can get away from them or how

you can separate in a way that you regain your life fully back and your energy.

Number two of dealing with them effectively is refraining from

allowing them to occupy your mind and your energy entirely.

Because of course they are on your mind.

Of course, you're thinking about them, especially if it's in a work coworker,

especially in your intimate life even more, and because it's so toxic

and so unjust and unfair, and it's painful, whatever they cheated on you,

they wronged you, they betrayed you.

Yet at the same time, they win if you constantly think about

them, complain about them.

Ensure that you are not creating an incredibly disempowering narrative where

you are constantly feeding the already pain that they're causing when you deal

with them is now occupying all the time when you don't have to deal with them.

Because that is the time that you were new to let go of it where you give

your best to not think about them, to not engage in that, but instead to use

that time to nurture yourself, to keep yourself, so to speak, sane from the

immense volatility of such a relationship.

Don't let them steal your peace and your love when you don't have to

deal with them, because they already do when you are dealing with them.

Don't allow them to interfere with your energy when you're not dealing with them.

Notice when you go into this mindset of this is unfair, why does it happen?

How?

It all doesn't matter.

Because that is what they want.

They want you to be so occupied with them.

Now, what is the third effective way to deal with them?

And dead is reflect not about why you attracted them, reflect about what red

flags you missed, what signs you missed that were there, um, when you first met

them and they were in that kind of stage where they were deeply charismatic, where

they seemed like a totally different person, the kindest person in the world.

Were you excusing them?

Were you creating a narrative about them that didn't, that like for instance,

they probably didn't mean it that way.

Uh, may, maybe they just did that.

While they might have just did that because you know, they were anxious.

Whatever is, is look at how you might be excusing certain behavior, downplaying

certain things that actually are showing you something is off here,

something here is not entirely right.

And then what you need to do is make them aware of it.

And their reaction will very, very quickly show you because if they're highly toxic

and manipulative and you make them aware of something you really didn't like, some

trait inside them, that is where they will feel deeply abandoned and rejected by you.

And that is hopefully, hopefully, I'm saying because hopefully they will

reveal their true side and then boom, you can cut them out of your life

immediately, um, and it has no longer, it hasn't, doesn't have any lasting

pain or continued things where they get entangled, uh, kids or all of that.

Their true side will always show.

And even though they're the best actors in the world, you will see these certain,

there will be certain signs you need.

They're very hard to spot.

But when you have them confront them, boom.

And then see how they respond.

And if that's a, if that's a person who is doing their work, they will say, thank

you for making me aware of this, and you can talk about, you can work through it.

You see change behavior.

There is a real apology, and then you know immediately that person is totally

capable and has the emotional bandwidth of entering a conscious relationship.

I.

What are some of these other signs?

They might, they will talk bad about other people.

This is something you might notice.

They might be so loving and charismatic to you, but they're

constantly blaming everyone else in the relationship that didn't work out.

It's always someone else.

It's never them.

They never had to take responsibility for, they don't

take responsibility for anything.

Another way you notice it, for instance, is they often talk bad

about their husband, their wife, about those who are closest to them.

They talk about them like piece of shits.

They talk about them in a really, really bad way.

How you wouldn't even talk about your worst enemy.

And that's a sure fire sign because a conscious person wouldn't have

these people around if that's how they would feel about them.

Getting now to number four.

And that is get away from them if you can.

Yes, cut them out of your life immediately if you can.

Never speak to them again if possible, because there is only drama.

Unless even though that happens very rarely and doesn't usually go

into this kind of category of highly toxic and manipulative, unless

there is some real change happening.

But again, sometimes that might be used too.

So you have to have extra, extra discernment in that regard.

Now, what if you're divorced and you have children together?

Obviously you can't, in most cases, never talk to them again, or it's

your boss at work, a business partner, or it's a coworker,, what do you do?

You practice all the other thing, all the things apart from

number four, which you can't?

Set boundaries, protect and honor your time when you don't have to

deal with them, see them as the 6, 7, 8 year old that they are.

You cannot take a 6, 7, 8 year old personally.

Protect your peace, protect the love inside you.

You know who you are.

And the reason why they want to tear you down is because you are the light.

The sacred is within you, but the sacred has been lost within them.

And is there a chance for it to be sparked again?

Maybe, but not for everyone in his life.

Not everyone awakens.

Is it sad?

Yes.

But is it real?

Is it reality?

Also, yes.

I'd rather face the harsh truth and feel grief and sadness about it, but to be free

than to believe in some fucking fantasies.

Whatever you are dealing with, wherever you are, I truly wish you the best.

I know our heart disease and how painful this is, how unfair it all feels,

but they also teach you something.

They teach you discernment.

They teach you how to protect yourself, and maybe you need that lesson right now.

Maybe you need to really ensure that you protect yourself and to bring back

that dark, masculine, dark feminine energy, the warrior and warrioress.

Who knows what lesson the universe is giving you in this moment.

Now.

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If someone you know is in a toxic relationship and they're open to it

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Again, thank you so much for being here and wherever you are and whatever

you're facing right now, the fact that you listen to the entire episode,

the fact that you are doing this work means that you are in the 1%.

And that's not coming from a place of superiority or you're better

than everyone else, but it certainly means you are doing some deep work.

You're on a deep path.

You are following your calling and I honor you for that.

I acknowledge you.

Thank you.