Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

your host Aurora, and I'm very happy to be spending some time

with you today. Today's episode,

heart break.

Have you truly healed from your heartbreak? Yesterday, I was

sitting in my truck, trying to figure something out with my

phone.

And from afar I saw our little neighbor's girl walking towards

me and I just waved to her through the window and she waved

and I look back down onto my phone. And then a couple of

seconds later, my door swings open. And I love a girl shouts

at me. Hello, how

have you been?

And in that moment, I just thought, wow, like I was clearly

communicating with my body that I was being friendly but

distant, not wanting to really connect. And that slow girl just

made her way through my invisible boundary, swung my

door open and just totally surprised me. Now this little

girl is approximately 10 years old, 11 years old and glowing

eyes and so friendly, like running around with an open

heart at all times. And after we had like a 15 minute chat. I

left driving off and I thought to myself wow this girl hasn't

been through a heartbreak yet. This girl hasn't been through

really tough situations yet. And now you can say yeah, there's

some girls who go through that and still have that pretty smile

on but with this girl I I know that she's never been through

massive pain. And it really made me think on how she approached

me how open hearted she was and friendly and wanting to connect.

And it reminded me of myself when I was at age. And yeah, a

couple of heartbreaks later, I noticed that I love people. I

love connecting. But at times I still have these walls around my

heart. My heart can be very open and joyous and light. But

there's times when I know my heart is totally clogged up with

regret, resentment, fear. And it takes

a lot of

being aware running a walk or sorry, running around mindful

and listening to my thoughts and feelings to then open up my

heart again. Today's episode is not only for people who recently

got heartbroken, got the heartbroken got dumped. It's to

all the people out there who ever been through a heartbreak

to check in with themselves and find out. Am I maybe still

clinging on to pain from a decade ago or 20 years ago? Am I

fully open and available and friendly and kind and hopeful?

feel less courageous or am I still in subtle ways? clinging

to that pain. That pain from back then that totally shaped my

mind about what love is all about and the consequences I

suffered and the cook fusions I've made ever since. So, I

think I want to call it an inventory check of the heart.

And it really doesn't matter if you're married and have kids,

and feel like, yeah, everything is perfect. It doesn't hurt to

go back and check in with yourself, Am I living being my

best self? Am I trustworthy? Am I trusting others fully? You

see, the thing with heartbreak is that we make it all about

ourselves.

We

go into birds perspective and try to find out what did we do

wrong?

Did we not listen enough? Did we not perform good enough and bad?

Did we not get along good enough with the parents and law or the

siblings or the friends? And it all doesn't matter? No. It's,

it's done. Now, you know, you can reflect about these things.

You can be aware of certain behavior. But I think you had

your reasons to. Like, I think we tend to put ourselves into a

victim position, or maybe even a perpetrator position and can

really find peace. I've gone through many, many heartbreaks,

and the biggest I want to say was in 2014, I had moved to a

different country to be with my boyfriend at that time. And

after a couple months, it was just fights and very nasty

between us. So I had to pack my things and move away. And it

took me years and years and years to heal from that pain.

Which doesn't mean that for you now it's gonna take years and

years and years. But what I invite you to do right now is to

focus in on yourself and to re totally honest with yourself on

how authentic you showed up in that relationship. Maybe you

broad past pain, pain from your childhood, into that

relationship, and you were not able to communicate clearly feel

good about who you are. Feel confident about who you are,

maybe you're still struggling was so many insecurities. And it

was burden the relationship. I really don't know what it was

that made her or him run away or made you guys broke break up.

When you look at your childhood, what are the examples of love

that you observed and experienced? In my instance, I

can say they were very well functioning on a societal level.

They were well functioning when it comes to financial needs. And

I always had shelter and clean clothing and also food to eat.

But on an emotional level. They didn't understand each other,

they were too different. My dad is someone who loves heated

discussions and loves to have kind of that friction with his

partner. And my mom was always more scared and avoidant of that

behavior and couldn't clearly communicate her boundaries. And

it was just on an emotional level. It was a huge mess. Which

doesn't mean that I'm ungrateful. I have deep respect

for both of my parents. But when you being like very harshly

honest with yourself, what did you how Did you experience love?

How did you define a healthy relationships? And really

relationship? When you look at your chart? Is there things that

you carry around as a train as it's sadness? is an anger,

resentment that you might have brought into your last

relationship here? Do you distrust your partners, because

maybe someone in the past has cheated on you or your parents

cheated on each other.

So no matter what it is, no matter what your luggage is,

when you look back, you have to now focus on liberating yourself

from that. Because if you want to live a fulfilled and content

life with yourself, this is the work you have to do for

yourself. And it is only then that you will attract a person

into your life that is really meant to be with you. You know,

when I saw that little girl yesterday, I just said My

goodness, like she's not wearing any masks. She's totally

herself. She thinks she's the beautifulest girl that there is,

and she truly is because that's what she's radiating. And she's

just very light and smart and awesome to be around. Can we get

back to that self? I'm 120% sure we can. We just have to help

ourselves to on dig ourselves, again, from all the mess from

all the masks that we feel we have to wear. Because we're

still not in full acceptance of ourselves. We might have been

bullied at school back then, we might have had experiences where

we felt deep shame and rejection towards ourselves. But if you

carry this into our loving, romantic relationship, it will

show at some point you will either be super jealous, super

insecure, or super guarded. And people who are trying to be with

you will not be able to reach you. And the painful thing is

that sometimes they don't communicate that sometimes they

just react to your guard and reject you. Even though you want

to be close or annoy you with painful questions, because they

want to be close and then you reject them. It's a whole mess

when you're trying to be in a relationship with somebody, and

you're still wound that you will be bleeding all over that person

and your relationship. And all this without your awareness. So

this is why I feel so many people wake up one day and are

being left alone or being divorced. Because for them, it's

out of the blue. It is they can't make sense of the

separation, it was all normal. And then from one day to the

other, she packed her things and left. You were not aware of the

red flags of the little things that accumulated over time.

Because maybe you have a huge blind spot from back then that

you carried into your relationships. And the person

that is leaving you is just doing what is best for her or

himself. It has nothing to do with your worth. It has nothing

to do with you not being lovable. You are so endlessly

lovable and you are so worth it, to get to know yourself again,

and to be completely raw and honest with yourself again. It

is only then that we can live at peace with ourselves it is then

we can sometimes make sense of why a relationship broke up. It

is now by blaming the other person, and by blaming an entire

gender, and by going out now still wounded and trying to date

and getting more and more disappointed in the end,

it is all about going within and seeing what still needs to be

healed. What is it at the beginning of you guys

relationship that you were so successfully hiding from that

person that over the years came out bit by bit, and then they

didn't like what they were seeing. Because you were putting

on a show, you were not being authentic. So the person doesn't

really know who you are, and the end. And sometimes when it comes

to jealousy and depression, insecurities in general, we very

successfully hide this from our partners at the beginning. And

we think that in putting a lid on and suppressing it and

pushing it away, it will go away. But those things want to

be addressed deeply and have to be spoken out. I remember I

record that episode for you about shame, and how when we

express what we're deeply ashamed us about ourselves to

our partners, how we can create deep intimacy. The same goes

with your wounded parts, with your stuff that you need to deal

with. Once you are aware of that stuff, you can go out there and

communicate this to people. And sometimes people are willing to

go that path with you, and heal together with you because they

can relate to your story. And sometimes you will find yourself

all by yourself. And this is okay too. This only means that

you want to learn to be sufficient enough and totally

independent. Maybe you've only learned to exist in a

partnership in a family dynamic. Maybe it is time now to realize

that you are so endlessly precious, so worthy. You are

enough and so strong, that you can allow yourself to be

independent, and to make your own little experiences here and

there. I hope I can bring you resolution and healing. I would

love to hear your thoughts. I would love you to message me on

Facebook or on Instagram and share your pain and what you're

going through right now or what you had to go through in the

past or what do you still feel you need to healed make sure you

subscribe to my Youtube channel and to my podcast here on Apple

podcast. And if I was able to touch your heart and to provide

you healing, please leave me a review on Apple podcast it would

mean the world to me. And if you have any questions, shoot me a

message on Facebook always. And I will be out there very soon

again for you. And I will post more episodes about heartbreaks

because I feel it's very important to talk about it and

to once and for all heal and not run around with half broken

heart and keep being disappointed or keep hurting

other people. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for

listening to the Borealis experience here. I'm your host

Aurora and I will be back out there for you