1
00:00:00,818 --> 00:00:01,848
Multiple times recently.

2
00:00:01,848 --> 00:00:02,558
Multiple times,

3
00:00:02,921 --> 00:00:05,561
I have been thanked for doing something,

4
00:00:05,561 --> 00:00:08,341
and it bothers me when
people thank me for it.

5
00:00:08,391 --> 00:00:09,491
They're not doing anything wrong.

6
00:00:09,761 --> 00:00:11,641
They're certainly
not doing anything wrong.

7
00:00:12,491 --> 00:00:19,161
But they're thanking me for it because
the number of people who don't do it

8
00:00:20,191 --> 00:00:29,191
is so astronomical that the fact that
we, by policy, do in fact do it makes

9
00:00:29,291 --> 00:00:36,294
us the anomaly. And that is not okay
at all. I want to be very clear about

10
00:00:36,294 --> 00:00:41,544
this: it is not a flex to not be an
asshole to service people. It's not.

11
00:00:42,474 --> 00:00:44,724
It is the way you should behave.

12
00:00:46,254 --> 00:00:50,664
Even if something is going wrong with
the service that you are receiving,

13
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:54,884
the likelihood of it being the fault
of the person who has to deliver

14
00:00:54,884 --> 00:00:59,774
that information or receive that
information is, like, nonexistent.

15
00:01:00,504 --> 00:01:07,024
They are just there doing that job — a
job that by and large probably sucks

16
00:01:07,364 --> 00:01:11,364
because they have to deal with people
like us. Like, even if the job itself

17
00:01:11,364 --> 00:01:16,694
is fine, the people who are brought
into their job are terrible, or

18
00:01:16,694 --> 00:01:18,404
often terrible, or might be terrible.

19
00:01:18,404 --> 00:01:22,734
And I say this because we've had two
experiences lately where we went to

20
00:01:22,734 --> 00:01:24,424
restaurants and something got messed up.

21
00:01:24,699 --> 00:01:27,189
I don't know if anybody else has noticed
this, and this might just be the area that

22
00:01:27,189 --> 00:01:33,719
we live in, which is not super inhabited
by things that are not, like, chains. And

23
00:01:33,849 --> 00:01:37,779
there's very little new or interesting
as far as restaurants in this area.

24
00:01:37,779 --> 00:01:41,949
And, like, let's be honest, I
cook about as often as I schedule

25
00:01:41,949 --> 00:01:43,009
things on my own calendar.

26
00:01:44,039 --> 00:01:44,379
Never.

27
00:01:44,799 --> 00:01:48,159
So, like, sometimes it's just
easier to go out to dinner.

28
00:01:48,159 --> 00:01:52,249
And, like, sometimes I wanna sit at a table
and have food that I don't care about with

29
00:01:52,249 --> 00:01:54,159
an endless supply of fountain Coke, okay?

30
00:01:54,429 --> 00:01:58,889
Sometimes that is what I want for dinner,
and I will eat whatever is in front

31
00:01:58,889 --> 00:02:03,349
of me that I paid for. Listen, I am a
person who works really hard and who

32
00:02:03,349 --> 00:02:07,879
is pretty good at making good decisions
for myself, but I have zero self-control

33
00:02:07,879 --> 00:02:09,139
when it comes to bread and butter.

34
00:02:09,139 --> 00:02:11,779
If you bring me free bread and
butter, I'm gonna become an animal.

35
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:14,049
I'm probably not gonna
share it with anybody.

36
00:02:14,669 --> 00:02:17,269
I'm gonna ration the butter so
that I make sure I have enough.

37
00:02:17,849 --> 00:02:25,189
I will go to the mediocrist of restaurants
and pay for food if they have good bread.

38
00:02:25,189 --> 00:02:27,319
If the bread is good, I don't
care about anything else.

39
00:02:27,506 --> 00:02:31,846
That probably explains how we end up in
the places where we end up, 'cause

40
00:02:31,846 --> 00:02:35,016
I'm like, "Ooh, they have good Coke and
bread." My husband's like, "All the other

41
00:02:35,016 --> 00:02:39,346
food's poisoned." I'm like, "That's fine."
So, two instances recently where something

42
00:02:39,346 --> 00:02:40,876
got screwed up with our meal, right?

43
00:02:41,476 --> 00:02:45,856
We went to Chili's not that
long ago — you know, the

44
00:02:45,856 --> 00:02:47,436
high-quality eatery that is Chili's.

45
00:02:47,976 --> 00:02:49,256
My husband ordered salmon.

46
00:02:50,196 --> 00:02:52,356
Not sure that's the thing you
should be ordering at Chili's, but

47
00:02:52,356 --> 00:02:53,206
anyway, that's what he ordered.

48
00:02:53,766 --> 00:02:58,656
And both times it came out so overcooked
that the bottom skin was like a cracker.

49
00:02:59,206 --> 00:03:02,156
Like, you could hit it against
something and it wouldn't flex.

50
00:03:02,596 --> 00:03:03,836
I don't know, somebody
was having a bad night.

51
00:03:03,866 --> 00:03:04,186
Whatever.

52
00:03:04,486 --> 00:03:06,816
So the first time it came out
and he was like, "I'm so sorry,

53
00:03:06,816 --> 00:03:07,776
but I really can't eat this."

54
00:03:07,776 --> 00:03:09,866
The server looked at it and
she goes, "That's gross.

55
00:03:09,936 --> 00:03:12,616
Yeah, let me have them fix that for
you." And then they brought out another

56
00:03:12,616 --> 00:03:16,296
one and it was exactly the same, and
he was like, "I'm good on this." And

57
00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:18,686
so the manager came over and was like,
"Can I get you something else?" He

58
00:03:18,686 --> 00:03:19,796
picked something else on the menu.

59
00:03:19,826 --> 00:03:21,026
It wasn't a big deal.

60
00:03:21,666 --> 00:03:23,756
They brought out the
other food very quickly.

61
00:03:23,826 --> 00:03:24,736
It was perfect.

62
00:03:24,816 --> 00:03:25,546
He ate it.

63
00:03:25,586 --> 00:03:26,726
He was perfectly happy.

64
00:03:27,306 --> 00:03:29,326
The kids ate their food.

65
00:03:29,326 --> 00:03:34,036
We were getting ready to finish up, and
the server comes over and she's like,

66
00:03:35,056 --> 00:03:37,696
"Just thank you for being cool about
that." And I was like, "Well, cool

67
00:03:37,696 --> 00:03:40,976
about what?" She was like, "Oh, just,
like, a lot of people would've yelled.

68
00:03:41,656 --> 00:03:43,266
You didn't yell, so I
really appreciate that."

69
00:03:44,346 --> 00:03:49,004
And we were like, "Did you cook the
food?" And she was like, "No, but you

70
00:03:49,004 --> 00:03:54,014
know, the server's usually the one." And
I was like, "But did we end up eating?

71
00:03:54,094 --> 00:03:55,044
Are, like, are we full?

72
00:03:55,244 --> 00:03:55,674
We're good?

73
00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:56,394
We got food?

74
00:03:56,524 --> 00:04:00,274
You didn't steal money from us?" She
was like, "Yeah." She's like, "A lot

75
00:04:00,284 --> 00:04:01,304
of people don't think like that."

76
00:04:01,904 --> 00:04:07,144
She's like, "I get yelled at a lot."
And I was like, "I have so many bigger

77
00:04:07,144 --> 00:04:12,394
things to worry about than whether
this particular meal is perfect.

78
00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:18,184
There's another meal tomorrow, maybe
even tonight if I'm feeling feisty.

79
00:04:19,324 --> 00:04:24,274
I do not have time or energy to
get mad about this. You

80
00:04:24,274 --> 00:04:24,894
brought food and we ate it.

81
00:04:24,904 --> 00:04:28,754
We're good, we're good." And she's like,
"I really appreciate that, 'cause I've

82
00:04:28,854 --> 00:04:31,944
just gotten yelled at a lot tonight."
And I was like, "I'm sorry about that,

83
00:04:31,944 --> 00:04:35,484
'cause that should not be
happening to you." I said, you know,

84
00:04:35,514 --> 00:04:37,594
"Overcooked salmon is not a big deal.

85
00:04:38,514 --> 00:04:43,044
I have bigger things to worry about."
And my nine-year-old pipes in and says,

86
00:04:43,124 --> 00:04:45,244
"Yeah, we have bigger fish to fry."

87
00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:46,294
So I was really proud of that.

88
00:04:46,784 --> 00:04:53,504
But also, this poor woman — she was so
tired, and she'd had a good attitude the

89
00:04:53,504 --> 00:04:57,724
whole time, and she was present the whole
time, and she stayed on top of things the

90
00:04:57,724 --> 00:05:02,404
whole time, and didn't argue, didn't…
She just was doing her job.

91
00:05:02,414 --> 00:05:03,334
She did a good job.

92
00:05:03,364 --> 00:05:04,644
Like, are all servers great?

93
00:05:04,664 --> 00:05:05,104
No.

94
00:05:05,134 --> 00:05:09,264
But do I think that most people who are
serving at a Chili's want to spend the

95
00:05:09,264 --> 00:05:11,064
rest of their lives serving at a Chili's?

96
00:05:11,494 --> 00:05:11,944
No.

97
00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:14,514
I don't think that's, like,
their chosen profession.

98
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:15,984
I just think that's the job they have.

99
00:05:16,004 --> 00:05:18,174
And I'm not judging
you if that is.

100
00:05:18,174 --> 00:05:19,484
If that's what you wanna do, awesome.

101
00:05:19,974 --> 00:05:21,194
If you're happy, awesome.

102
00:05:21,544 --> 00:05:25,614
But do I think people wake
up in the morning excited

103
00:05:25,624 --> 00:05:26,854
to get yelled at over queso?

104
00:05:27,054 --> 00:05:27,204
No.

105
00:05:27,882 --> 00:05:32,552
I don't think her goal is to
bring me 15 baskets of chips while

106
00:05:32,552 --> 00:05:34,622
I tell her she's bad at everything.

107
00:05:34,622 --> 00:05:36,422
Be nice to service people.

108
00:05:36,432 --> 00:05:38,302
Why is this poor woman shell-shocked?

109
00:05:38,312 --> 00:05:40,102
Because people yell at her all the time.

110
00:05:41,072 --> 00:05:44,282
If the food is always bad, if the
service is always bad — first off,

111
00:05:44,282 --> 00:05:46,662
stop going to that restaurant. But
second off, that's probably not

112
00:05:46,672 --> 00:05:48,112
that individual person's fault.

113
00:05:48,122 --> 00:05:49,282
There's another problem there.

114
00:05:50,152 --> 00:05:51,802
And it's service people everywhere.

115
00:05:52,112 --> 00:05:56,462
You're gonna call into a place, and
somebody is gonna give you the information

116
00:05:56,462 --> 00:06:00,822
that they were told to give you, that's
on a script somewhere that is stupid and

117
00:06:00,822 --> 00:06:05,282
doesn't make sense and is bureaucratic
nonsense, and you're gonna have to get

118
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:06,792
around them to get what you want done.

119
00:06:06,792 --> 00:06:08,362
But that is not that person's fault.

120
00:06:08,392 --> 00:06:12,232
They are not empowered to fix that
problem in the way you want them to

121
00:06:12,232 --> 00:06:14,292
fix it, and that is not their fault.

122
00:06:14,292 --> 00:06:19,242
Lots of people in this world are
working shitty jobs for no money because

123
00:06:19,252 --> 00:06:22,912
that's the job they can find right now,
and they do not need that experience

124
00:06:22,912 --> 00:06:25,982
compounded by you being a jackdonkey.

125
00:06:25,982 --> 00:06:29,122
Don't be an asshole to service people.

126
00:06:29,603 --> 00:06:31,603
And we are all service
people at some point.

127
00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:35,593
Every single one of us is a service
person at some point. That was one of two.

128
00:06:35,593 --> 00:06:40,293
The other one — actually, this one was
the person's fault — but the other one we

129
00:06:40,293 --> 00:06:44,093
went to this, like, pizza restaurant by our
house. It kind of, like, thinks it's

130
00:06:44,093 --> 00:06:46,403
hip and urban. It's just a pizza place.

131
00:06:46,653 --> 00:06:50,463
Like, it's just a place where you can
get, like, moderately expensive pizza.

132
00:06:50,787 --> 00:06:51,167
The pizza's good.

133
00:06:51,177 --> 00:06:51,807
The kids like it.

134
00:06:51,817 --> 00:06:52,567
We get to sit outside.

135
00:06:52,567 --> 00:06:53,707
We get to bring the dogs, whatever.

136
00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:54,537
It's in a nice area.

137
00:06:55,757 --> 00:06:58,667
So we pay a little… we
overpay for pizza, basically.

138
00:06:58,667 --> 00:07:02,007
So we went there, and I don't usually
order my own pizza, but there's a type

139
00:07:02,007 --> 00:07:06,217
of pizza that I really wanted that
I would only get a small one of, and

140
00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:08,877
my kids could have some of it, but
they probably weren't gonna like it.

141
00:07:09,307 --> 00:07:12,277
So I ordered a small pizza for myself,
and then they really branched out

142
00:07:12,277 --> 00:07:13,807
this time, and they got cheese pizza.

143
00:07:14,457 --> 00:07:16,157
But they got their big pizza.

144
00:07:16,797 --> 00:07:18,747
My kids actually are
very adventurous eaters.

145
00:07:18,747 --> 00:07:22,087
Pizza's, like, the only thing
that they eat plain, but it makes

146
00:07:22,087 --> 00:07:23,847
me laugh, 'cause every time they
look at the menu and they're

147
00:07:23,847 --> 00:07:25,297
like, "What should we get this time?"

148
00:07:25,297 --> 00:07:27,257
And I'm like, "You're gonna get
cheese pizza." They're like, "Yeah,

149
00:07:27,257 --> 00:07:29,977
we're gonna get cheese pizza."
So the big cheese pizza came out.

150
00:07:30,137 --> 00:07:31,277
The appetizer came out.

151
00:07:31,287 --> 00:07:34,207
They actually, I think, came out right
around the same time, which was fine.

152
00:07:35,087 --> 00:07:36,407
And then, like, my pizza didn't come out.

153
00:07:36,527 --> 00:07:40,277
Well, I wasn't actually super hungry,
so I really didn't care that much,

154
00:07:40,307 --> 00:07:43,527
but, like, we were just like, "Does
anybody know where my pizza is?

155
00:07:43,867 --> 00:07:45,537
Do I get a pizza?

156
00:07:45,817 --> 00:07:46,537
'Cause I ordered one.

157
00:07:46,637 --> 00:07:48,007
'Cause if the answer's no, that's fine.

158
00:07:48,017 --> 00:07:51,593
Just, like, can I get a heads-up on
whether I get a…" The server

159
00:07:51,593 --> 00:07:54,463
comes over after a little bit, and she's
like, "You haven't gotten your pizza

160
00:07:54,463 --> 00:07:57,053
yet?" And I said, "No." And she goes, "Oh.

161
00:07:57,353 --> 00:07:58,753
All right, let me go check on that."

162
00:07:59,523 --> 00:08:00,173
And then she comes back.

163
00:08:00,993 --> 00:08:04,603
She comes back a couple minutes later and,
like, verifies what was ordered, and I

164
00:08:04,603 --> 00:08:06,623
was like, "Oh, she forgot to put it in."

165
00:08:07,473 --> 00:08:09,903
So she went back, and she was like,
"Okay, it's just gonna be, like, five more

166
00:08:09,903 --> 00:08:11,813
minutes." And I was like, "You're cute.

167
00:08:12,223 --> 00:08:12,743
You're cute.

168
00:08:12,783 --> 00:08:13,563
I know what happened.

169
00:08:13,603 --> 00:08:16,863
You're cute, but all right." So she
brings it out, and she puts it down, and

170
00:08:16,873 --> 00:08:20,193
my husband just, like, very nonchalantly
said to her, like, "So what happened?

171
00:08:20,243 --> 00:08:22,293
Did they get backed up or something?"
And she looks at me and she goes,

172
00:08:22,303 --> 00:08:24,413
"Nope, I totally forgot to put it in.

173
00:08:24,413 --> 00:08:25,733
I forgot you ordered a second pizza.

174
00:08:25,763 --> 00:08:26,433
I'm so sorry.

175
00:08:26,433 --> 00:08:29,003
This one's totally on me."
And he was like, "All right."

176
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:30,823
And I just said, "No problem.

177
00:08:31,003 --> 00:08:31,863
It's fresh now.

178
00:08:31,873 --> 00:08:32,433
Happy with it.

179
00:08:32,463 --> 00:08:33,683
No problem." She walks away.

180
00:08:34,563 --> 00:08:39,083
And my nine-year-old goes, "Why didn't
you, like, tell her that wasn't okay?"

181
00:08:39,083 --> 00:08:40,340
And I was like, "Because it was okay.

182
00:08:41,030 --> 00:08:42,460
Because sometimes people forget things.

183
00:08:42,650 --> 00:08:44,400
Because I don't remember
your name half the time.

184
00:08:44,870 --> 00:08:49,130
People forget things sometimes." And
so she came back over later, and she

185
00:08:49,130 --> 00:08:50,430
was like, "I'm so sorry about that.

186
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:52,560
Like, thank you for…" And again,
same thing: "Thank you for being

187
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:55,480
cool about it." You could tell, as she
was telling us she forgot it, that

188
00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:56,860
she was, like, bracing for impact.

189
00:08:56,930 --> 00:09:00,680
Like, she was waiting for somebody to
be like, "Let me talk to your manager.

190
00:09:01,503 --> 00:09:03,283
This is unacceptable.

191
00:09:03,613 --> 00:09:09,153
This steaming hot pizza took seven
extra minutes." She was just, like,

192
00:09:09,163 --> 00:09:12,873
waiting to get yelled at, and she
couldn't have been older than, like, 20.

193
00:09:12,913 --> 00:09:14,163
Like, she probably
wasn't even that old.

194
00:09:14,213 --> 00:09:19,573
Like, she was so young. And so I just
ate my pizza, and I actually, like, boxed

195
00:09:19,573 --> 00:09:22,643
up most of it, 'cause by that point
I was like, "I'm not even super hungry

196
00:09:22,643 --> 00:09:24,383
anymore," 'cause we had appetizers.

197
00:09:24,423 --> 00:09:26,453
So I just, like, boxed up
most of it. No big deal.

198
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:30,753
And so she came over and she just, like,
made some comment about how she was

199
00:09:30,753 --> 00:09:33,193
waiting for a bad tip, basically.

200
00:09:33,683 --> 00:09:35,313
And so we gave her, like,
a really excellent tip.

201
00:09:35,993 --> 00:09:38,803
My nine-year-old is learning, like,
percentages and stuff, and so she looked

202
00:09:38,803 --> 00:09:43,303
at it and she was like, "That's more
than the other number," 'cause a lot of

203
00:09:43,303 --> 00:09:47,493
bills now break down what the expected
tip percentage is, to give you an idea.

204
00:09:48,323 --> 00:09:49,963
Also to remind you that
you should be tipping.

205
00:09:50,193 --> 00:09:51,243
Tip your freaking servers.

206
00:09:51,713 --> 00:09:56,343
And I said, "Yeah, that's not a
problem." And she goes, "Why?" And I

207
00:09:56,343 --> 00:09:59,153
was like, "If you screw up and you own
it, like, you should get recognized

208
00:09:59,193 --> 00:10:00,753
for that." She could've lied.

209
00:10:00,753 --> 00:10:02,603
She could've lied and
said it was the kitchen.

210
00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:06,093
She could've lied and said,
"Oh, they dropped it."

211
00:10:06,113 --> 00:10:09,923
She could've done any number of things,
and instead she came out here and, like,

212
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:15,793
faced us with her whole face and said,
"Yeah, I screwed up." And you know what?

213
00:10:15,863 --> 00:10:19,853
That's a good quality to have in a human,
and she deserves to be rewarded for that.

214
00:10:20,683 --> 00:10:23,463
And then my nine-year-old says, "Oh, so
you'll give me more allowance if I

215
00:10:23,463 --> 00:10:24,513
tell you when I did something wrong?"

216
00:10:24,513 --> 00:10:27,403
And I was like, "No. That's not how
that works. That's a little different."

217
00:10:27,443 --> 00:10:30,643
Like, you should still tell me, but I'm
not gonna pay you for it, 'cause you

218
00:10:30,643 --> 00:10:32,273
weren't doing your job when you did it.

219
00:10:33,223 --> 00:10:39,763
But it was just, like, these two humans —
these two very nice, very, like, doing

220
00:10:39,763 --> 00:10:44,923
their best humans. You can tell, just
every day doing their best and waiting

221
00:10:45,113 --> 00:10:51,503
to get yelled at over something that is
going to be insignificant in four hours.

222
00:10:51,503 --> 00:10:56,183
You're hungry now, you eat now, you
will be hungry again in four hours.

223
00:10:56,183 --> 00:11:01,183
This whole experience will be
irrelevant in four hours, and you're

224
00:11:01,183 --> 00:11:02,003
gonna get yelled at for that?

225
00:11:02,653 --> 00:11:06,003
Stop being assholes to service people.

226
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:11,283
And if you're not an asshole to
service people, thank you for your

227
00:11:11,283 --> 00:11:15,633
service. I guarantee you, nine
times out of 10 it's not their fault.

228
00:11:16,923 --> 00:11:21,403
They are the unfortunate messenger in
a string of things that has nothing

229
00:11:21,403 --> 00:11:26,123
to do with them, and they take
the brunt of your silly nonsense.

230
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:29,920
My theory about Taylor Swift's wedding
is that Donald Trump has made $2

231
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:34,650
billion since he's been in office
this term, and no one seems to care.

232
00:11:35,740 --> 00:11:39,990
Why the fuck would I
care about her wedding?

233
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:41,420
She made that money.

234
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:46,630
It's not like she stole it or
got it through a crypto scam or

235
00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:49,310
sold gold Trump phones to get it.

236
00:11:49,380 --> 00:11:53,820
Whether you like her or not — and
I don't, I don't have an opinion on her.

237
00:11:53,820 --> 00:11:57,000
I really don't,
I'm not a Swiftie.

238
00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:02,400
I'm not super interested in what
she does or her life. Jeff Bezos

239
00:12:02,450 --> 00:12:06,830
got married last summer, and nobody
cared, or very few people cared.

240
00:12:06,940 --> 00:12:12,550
People were saying that she only
donated $26 million before her wedding,

241
00:12:12,580 --> 00:12:16,880
and that is such a small percentage of
her net worth that it's embarrassing.

242
00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:21,740
Before Jeff Bezos' wedding, he donated —
quote-unquote "donated" — $3 million

243
00:12:21,750 --> 00:12:25,660
to a couple of different charities
in Venice, and it was literally

244
00:12:25,670 --> 00:12:28,910
a bribe so they would leave him
alone and let him have his wedding.

245
00:12:28,910 --> 00:12:33,110
He didn't donate a bunch of money
because Jeff Bezos is a nice guy.

246
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:39,780
He did it to get the government off
his back so he could marry whoever.

247
00:12:39,810 --> 00:12:44,490
So just, like, nobody cared that
Jeff Bezos only gave $3 million.

248
00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:50,050
Nobody cared that he probably handed it
to a bunch of organized crime bosses

249
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:52,080
so they wouldn't mess with his gondolas.

250
00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:53,890
Nobody cared.

251
00:12:53,890 --> 00:12:57,680
But when it's a woman who has a lot
of money and who might be a little bit

252
00:12:57,680 --> 00:13:01,560
self-indulgent on her fucking wedding day,
when she's allowed to be self-indulgent…

253
00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:05,020
What day are you supposed
to be self-indulgent if not

254
00:13:05,020 --> 00:13:06,390
your fucking wedding day?

255
00:13:06,390 --> 00:13:07,900
Sing your own songs at your wedding.

256
00:13:07,950 --> 00:13:08,710
I'm not invited.

257
00:13:08,710 --> 00:13:10,120
Why would I care?

258
00:13:11,170 --> 00:13:12,430
Why would I care?

259
00:13:12,430 --> 00:13:20,170
Anyway, Donald Trump still has made $2
billion in the last just over a year.

260
00:13:21,170 --> 00:13:24,470
And also, they have not released
the unredacted Epstein files,

261
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,770
which they were supposed to do last
Friday and which they did not do.

262
00:13:27,090 --> 00:13:29,890
So I do not give a shit
about Taylor Swift's wedding.

263
00:13:31,140 --> 00:13:32,140
Live and let live.

264
00:13:32,850 --> 00:13:34,820
Give $26 million to charities.

265
00:13:35,380 --> 00:13:37,410
I don't care if it's not
a lot of money to her.

266
00:13:37,410 --> 00:13:39,690
It is a lot of money to the
charities that she gave it to.

267
00:13:39,790 --> 00:13:40,660
Fuck everybody else.

268
00:13:41,177 --> 00:13:45,647
Wait, like, you're gonna call your
lawyers on your wedding day and stop

269
00:13:45,647 --> 00:13:48,487
your wedding to call your lawyers
and be like, "He's using my song"?

270
00:13:49,357 --> 00:13:52,867
Like, not to mention the fact
that she probably has lawyers who

271
00:13:52,867 --> 00:13:56,207
are monitoring this stuff anyway
and who just take care of it.

272
00:13:56,207 --> 00:13:59,977
I bet she doesn't even have to intervene
when somebody infringes on her copyright.

273
00:14:00,547 --> 00:14:02,687
She just has people who take care of it.

274
00:14:03,187 --> 00:14:04,127
Go yell at a wall.

275
00:14:04,127 --> 00:14:06,497
Did you know that you
can leave us love notes?

276
00:14:07,457 --> 00:14:07,637
Okay.

277
00:14:07,637 --> 00:14:08,447
It doesn't have to be love notes.

278
00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:09,947
It can just be whatever you want.

279
00:14:10,037 --> 00:14:14,137
We have a voicemail. People call
us and talk about the recent

280
00:14:14,137 --> 00:14:15,727
accomplishments. They brag on themselves.

281
00:14:16,417 --> 00:14:19,177
They ask us small talk questions —
some of the small talk questions

282
00:14:19,177 --> 00:14:20,107
come directly from there.

283
00:14:20,667 --> 00:14:26,037
So if you go to
differentnotbrokenpodcast.com/voicemail, you

284
00:14:26,037 --> 00:14:30,697
can quote-unquote call us and leave
us a message of whatever is on your

285
00:14:30,697 --> 00:14:35,097
brain, including the recent things
that you've done that will knock

286
00:14:35,097 --> 00:14:38,307
our socks off, or just questions
that you might have that you want

287
00:14:38,307 --> 00:14:40,857
answered about how to handle things, or

288
00:14:40,907 --> 00:14:42,347
why things are the way they are.

289
00:14:42,347 --> 00:14:44,657
Either way:

290
00:14:44,657 --> 00:14:46,307
differentnotbrokenpodcast.com/voicemail.

291
00:14:46,307 --> 00:14:49,297
We have a small talk from Priya in Oregon.

292
00:14:49,297 --> 00:14:54,237
"Dear Small Talk, I've been the
planner friend my entire life.

293
00:14:54,777 --> 00:14:58,867
I organize dinners, send a calendar
invite, et cetera, and for years

294
00:14:58,867 --> 00:15:01,997
I told myself this was fine, that
it was just how I showed love.

295
00:15:02,707 --> 00:15:05,987
But last month, I didn't reach
out to anyone for three weeks

296
00:15:05,987 --> 00:15:08,207
just to see what would happen.

297
00:15:09,107 --> 00:15:10,327
Two people texted.

298
00:15:11,387 --> 00:15:15,167
Two out of 11 friends
I regularly invest in.

299
00:15:15,167 --> 00:15:19,747
I'm not devastated, more just
recalibrating, but I genuinely don't know

300
00:15:19,747 --> 00:15:24,627
how to go from being the person who holds
a friend group together to being someone

301
00:15:24,627 --> 00:15:28,727
who lets friendships be a little more
mutual without burning everything down.

302
00:15:29,177 --> 00:15:30,417
Has this ever happened to you?

303
00:15:30,647 --> 00:15:33,007
How do you even start that
conversation without sounding

304
00:15:33,007 --> 00:15:34,087
like you're keeping score?"

305
00:15:34,087 --> 00:15:37,327
I'm not the friend who reaches out a lot.

306
00:15:38,497 --> 00:15:42,217
I also don't have one friend
who is responsible for, like,

307
00:15:42,217 --> 00:15:43,627
organizing all the things.

308
00:15:43,687 --> 00:15:48,507
I tend to be the reason that my friend
group gets together, 'cause we'll plan,

309
00:15:48,507 --> 00:15:50,997
like, one big thing every so often.

310
00:15:51,207 --> 00:15:56,337
And I guess I'm technically in charge
of that, but only because, like, it

311
00:15:56,337 --> 00:16:00,957
was my idea and I wanna do it and I
have friends who come along for it.

312
00:16:00,964 --> 00:16:05,494
I can't help from the perspective
that I have experience being,

313
00:16:05,494 --> 00:16:08,264
like, the glue, 'cause I'm…

314
00:16:08,513 --> 00:16:10,073
I'm a good friend when you call me.

315
00:16:10,073 --> 00:16:12,413
If you need something and
you call me, I'm there.

316
00:16:12,413 --> 00:16:15,653
I will get my shoveling gloves and
show up without asking questions.

317
00:16:16,273 --> 00:16:18,733
Or the question I will ask
is, "Where do you need me?"

318
00:16:18,793 --> 00:16:23,053
But I won't ask any other questions.
Like, full no-questions-asked friend.

319
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:26,413
I am that friend, a hundred percent.
I do, like, randomly text to check

320
00:16:26,413 --> 00:16:27,983
in on people, but, like, you know.

321
00:16:28,317 --> 00:16:32,177
I was an extra good friend when
my mom was in the hospital,

322
00:16:32,207 --> 00:16:34,157
'cause I had a long
drive almost every day.

323
00:16:34,187 --> 00:16:34,877
Twice a day.

324
00:16:35,507 --> 00:16:39,377
And so I would think of people as
I was driving home, or

325
00:16:39,437 --> 00:16:42,797
driving there, and I would, like,
tell the phone to text that person.

326
00:16:42,857 --> 00:16:46,007
And so for, like, two weeks there
recently, I looked like a really

327
00:16:46,007 --> 00:16:49,457
good friend, 'cause I was all on
top of the checking in on people.

328
00:16:49,832 --> 00:16:55,292
But in general, like, I'm just elsewhere,
and I'm very honest about that.

329
00:16:55,292 --> 00:16:58,652
I will go a long time without talking to
people I care a lot about, just because

330
00:16:58,652 --> 00:17:02,522
there's not something happening with them
that they need that attention immediately.

331
00:17:03,032 --> 00:17:05,282
And so my brain is elsewhere.

332
00:17:05,732 --> 00:17:09,602
And the reason I say that is, it
is probably very likely that a lot

333
00:17:09,602 --> 00:17:11,042
of your friends are like that too.

334
00:17:11,662 --> 00:17:15,562
And that doesn't mean they don't
love you and prioritize you and

335
00:17:15,562 --> 00:17:17,457
want to actively be in your life.

336
00:17:18,222 --> 00:17:22,152
But, like, there's a lot going on
right now, and the general mental

337
00:17:22,152 --> 00:17:24,162
load of existing is just a ton.

338
00:17:24,792 --> 00:17:30,912
And so if you're a person who really
only has the bandwidth to look at what's

339
00:17:30,912 --> 00:17:35,172
in front of you and doesn't really have
time to conjure up academic things like

340
00:17:35,172 --> 00:17:39,072
dinners with friends — even though they're
very important and you should do them —

341
00:17:39,822 --> 00:17:43,182
I can understand how they would go a
full month without engaging with you.

342
00:17:43,182 --> 00:17:45,852
I have friends that I go way
longer than that with, but when

343
00:17:45,852 --> 00:17:47,292
we do talk, everything's great.

344
00:17:47,292 --> 00:17:52,792
Like, it's like we didn't miss a minute.
So I wouldn't consider it too much or too

345
00:17:52,792 --> 00:17:56,932
concerning that after that short period
of time, you only heard from two of them.

346
00:17:56,932 --> 00:17:58,192
That sounds right to me.

347
00:17:58,432 --> 00:18:02,452
There are people who reach out to me,
and unless they're reaching out to me, I

348
00:18:02,512 --> 00:18:04,102
probably don't talk to them very often.

349
00:18:04,162 --> 00:18:05,512
Not because I don't want to.

350
00:18:05,512 --> 00:18:09,262
I love them, I adore them. They
are just not the one with the need

351
00:18:09,262 --> 00:18:11,572
at that point, and I am focusing
on the people with the need, and

352
00:18:11,572 --> 00:18:12,772
there's always someone with a need.

353
00:18:12,772 --> 00:18:17,302
That being said, if these are friends
who you really want to spend time

354
00:18:17,302 --> 00:18:20,562
with, or you really want to continue
that friendship with, and that

355
00:18:20,562 --> 00:18:22,872
friendship is important to you, then
you should absolutely talk to them.

356
00:18:23,332 --> 00:18:24,472
You could definitely say, like, "Hey.

357
00:18:25,552 --> 00:18:29,122
I just wanna let you know that I've
taken a step back from organizing things,

358
00:18:29,152 --> 00:18:30,962
'cause the mental load of it was a lot.

359
00:18:31,442 --> 00:18:32,762
I still wanna spend time with you.

360
00:18:32,762 --> 00:18:35,162
I'll still do some things when
there's events or activities

361
00:18:35,162 --> 00:18:36,242
that are really important to me.

362
00:18:36,242 --> 00:18:40,802
But, like, if we wanna hang out, just
know that you might have to initiate,

363
00:18:41,142 --> 00:18:47,112
because I'm not gonna do it, or I'm
gonna do it less, and for that reason

364
00:18:47,712 --> 00:18:49,152
I just want it on your brain that…

365
00:18:49,152 --> 00:18:51,882
I'm probably not gonna text you
and say, 'Drinks next Thursday.'

366
00:18:51,882 --> 00:18:54,852
If you wanna go for drinks next Thursday,
you probably are gonna have to text me."

367
00:18:55,392 --> 00:18:56,982
Most people will be
totally fine with that.

368
00:18:57,312 --> 00:19:00,942
Some relationships are gonna peter out
because you're not putting in the effort.

369
00:19:01,422 --> 00:19:02,232
That's okay.

370
00:19:02,472 --> 00:19:03,582
That's allowed to happen.

371
00:19:04,092 --> 00:19:07,422
And some of them, once people
get a notification that this isn't

372
00:19:07,422 --> 00:19:09,612
something that you have the bandwidth
for right now, they will totally

373
00:19:09,612 --> 00:19:13,812
take ownership of it and maybe start
doing a whole lot of other stuff.

374
00:19:14,292 --> 00:19:19,172
I remember several years ago we did,
like, a friends' weekend thing.

375
00:19:19,622 --> 00:19:21,932
I didn't stay in the house
with everybody the first night

376
00:19:22,322 --> 00:19:23,712
because it was where I live.

377
00:19:24,102 --> 00:19:25,842
And there was some other stuff
going on, so I didn't stay

378
00:19:25,842 --> 00:19:26,562
in the house with everybody.

379
00:19:27,042 --> 00:19:31,242
But when I got there — or when everybody
else got there, 'cause they drove in —

380
00:19:32,277 --> 00:19:36,267
there was a smoke alarm going off,
and I had been in planning mode

381
00:19:36,267 --> 00:19:38,967
for this weekend for two months.

382
00:19:39,327 --> 00:19:43,988
Like, it was constant logistics. Picking
up people from the airport, figuring out

383
00:19:44,108 --> 00:19:49,808
how people are gonna eat, planning a
party, planning an event around the party,

384
00:19:49,868 --> 00:19:55,958
getting family coordinated. Like, it was
two solid months of just logistics. And

385
00:19:56,693 --> 00:19:59,423
I had booked the house, and booking
the house was, like, a whole thing.

386
00:19:59,423 --> 00:20:02,063
It was, like, the third house we
booked, because there was so much…

387
00:20:02,573 --> 00:20:03,683
there was just nonsense with it.

388
00:20:03,993 --> 00:20:06,553
With the booking there was a
problem. I booked the house.

389
00:20:06,583 --> 00:20:08,893
I coordinated everybody's travel.

390
00:20:08,923 --> 00:20:10,603
I picked everybody up at the airport.

391
00:20:10,633 --> 00:20:13,423
I found them ways to get to the
house if they didn't have the

392
00:20:13,423 --> 00:20:14,623
ability to get to the airport.

393
00:20:14,653 --> 00:20:16,363
I did all of this stuff.

394
00:20:16,423 --> 00:20:17,173
There was so much stuff.

395
00:20:17,473 --> 00:20:17,983
I did all of it.

396
00:20:18,703 --> 00:20:20,383
And then when everybody came in,

397
00:20:21,298 --> 00:20:23,428
there was an issue at the house
that they let me know about,

398
00:20:23,428 --> 00:20:24,628
but I wasn't even at the house.

399
00:20:25,018 --> 00:20:29,278
But what I heard was: there's an issue
at the house, and I need to fix it.

400
00:20:30,388 --> 00:20:33,298
I was in the middle of doing
10,000 things, and I just forgot

401
00:20:33,388 --> 00:20:34,738
to fix the thing at the house.

402
00:20:34,738 --> 00:20:36,088
I forgot to call the management company.

403
00:20:36,188 --> 00:20:37,178
I just was busy.

404
00:20:37,478 --> 00:20:42,068
It slipped my mind. And so
the next morning I got there,

405
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:47,198
and one of our friends came downstairs
and she was like, "Oh, they came by

406
00:20:47,198 --> 00:20:48,398
and fixed the thing this morning."

407
00:20:48,878 --> 00:20:50,198
And I didn't even say
anything to her about it.

408
00:20:50,198 --> 00:20:51,838
She was just like, "They came by
and fixed the thing this morning."

409
00:20:51,838 --> 00:20:54,238
And I went, "Did they know already?
Because I didn't call them."

410
00:20:54,508 --> 00:20:55,738
And she was like, "No.

411
00:20:55,738 --> 00:20:57,688
I called them." And I went, "You called them."

412
00:20:57,738 --> 00:20:58,608
And she was like, "Right.

413
00:20:58,608 --> 00:21:00,078
So, I am a grown adult.

414
00:21:01,053 --> 00:21:04,593
I can fix problems, and I
didn't need you to do it.

415
00:21:04,983 --> 00:21:05,883
You're okay.

416
00:21:05,883 --> 00:21:07,683
You have other stuff going on.

417
00:21:08,223 --> 00:21:13,773
I took care of it." And the confusion
that I felt — I remember sitting

418
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,423
back and going, "Oh, that's right.

419
00:21:16,023 --> 00:21:20,073
I'm not coordinating a birthday party
for a bunch of hapless 10-year-olds.

420
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:24,873
This is a bunch of grownups who
were able to figure out how to, like,

421
00:21:25,053 --> 00:21:29,793
travel across the country to come
here. And if there's an alarm beeping,

422
00:21:29,868 --> 00:21:32,993
I can figure it out —
they can also figure it out."

423
00:21:32,993 --> 00:21:35,749
The point of that being: your
friends are probably smart

424
00:21:35,749 --> 00:21:37,129
people who just need a flag.

425
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:38,809
And if you give them a
flag, they'll take it.

426
00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:42,239
Or if there's an opportunity that they
see, that there's something where they

427
00:21:42,239 --> 00:21:44,129
actually can jump in, they probably will.

428
00:21:44,699 --> 00:21:49,139
And if they only want your labor so that they
can have fun on the backs of your labor,

429
00:21:49,139 --> 00:21:50,994
then maybe it's time to let them go.

430
00:21:51,174 --> 00:21:51,754
That's fine too.

431
00:21:52,102 --> 00:21:53,662
Just let people do their jobs.

432
00:21:54,632 --> 00:21:55,822
Let people do their jobs.

433
00:21:56,992 --> 00:21:57,452
That's it.

434
00:21:58,372 --> 00:21:59,122
Don't be an asshole.