This is a global Player original podcast.

Be warned, it's Luanna.

And this podcast contains honest upfront opinions, rants, bants, and general explicit content.

But you know you love it, you filthy little bitches.

Watch, watch, watch, watch, watch.

Top of the morning.

It's Thursday.

It is Thursday.

Hi, guys.

It's Thursday.

It is Luanna.

Totally.

Extra.

We are feeling fresh as daisies.

Fresh with my femme fresh and my fanny fresh.

Is your fanny fresh today?

Yeah.

Fresh for Daisy.

Look how clean I am.

You are clean.

I've done my hair.

You have actually.

I've done my vag.

We've got makeup on again.

We're really long in this January.

We are longing it out.

We really are.

She's Louisa.

I'm Anna.

Together, we are Luanna.

We are Luana, the podcast.

But this is your episode.

Our beautiful Luthanian, all about.

You certainly is.

We are Imolus again.

We are.

So excuse me while I try and be the producer.

She's gonna try.

And this is your episode for extra chat, extra confessions, extra extra stories, and extra you and our full disclosure there, Lou.

I was about to bollock you for using your phone, and then I realized you're using your phone to actually play this voice note.

So I would like to apologize for being the.

Off you go.

Yeah, you.

Yeah, you.

You.

You what you want.

You what you are, right.

We've got a voice.

What's wrong with us?

We've got a voice.

That from Anonymous, So it's Brenda.

Hey, girly girls.

Hi, babe.

Love the pod and all that.

The Jazzle.

Thank you.

Just listening to the most recent pod where you're talking about pornhub and the kind of year in review.

Yeah.

Anyway, I'd listen to it in the car.

Turned the car on this morning, got the kids in, and because the car was warming up when I was doing it, the podcast blared out.

And the thing was Louisa saying, strap on about the.

I think the boomers.

And my youngest son, last time I managed to pause, it went, strap on.

He's six.

Strap on.

What's a strap on?

No.

Well, I wanted to share with you the fact that I managed to save in the moment.

Oh, she's talking about road safety and the fact that you need to put your straps on when you're in the car.

You won't be safe.

And he went, oh, better put my straps on.

Car seat.

And I was like, yep, you better put your straps on.

Straps on.

I thought it's just the way he went, strap on.

What?

To strap on And I was just like, for sake.

Anyway, love, love, love, love, love, love.

Love, love the pod.

And.

Yeah.

Makes me giggle.

Thanks, girlies.

Thanks.

Great save.

Great save.

Yeah, I get.

What.

Do you know what Enzo said to me the other day?

I'm now actually get quick thinker.

I'm getting a bit scared now because, you know, I do like to have a little listen back to us sometimes, just to, you know, see what everybody else listens to.

And then so he keeps walking because he's now obviously loves you, you know, but he's starting to.

His mates probably maybe say something by their parents, I don't know.

But he's like, yeah.

He's like, can I listen?

He had.

I had to do it.

I do it when I do the washing.

And I went, now keep it on.

What are you Lulu talking about?

And I was like, not appropriate, Enzo.

I was like, you never listen to it.

It's Mummy's talk.

Yeah, it's Mummy talk.

Right, We've got a message.

Yeah.

Then they'll realize.

They'll de Parent us.

I know.

Then we're gonna have no Dixie.

Dixie's proud of my pudding, and loads of her friends follow me on Instagram.

She says, really?

Yeah.

And then I did the nurse thing the other day, and I lifted my.

And I put a little pussycat face.

She was like, mom.

Yeah.

And I was like, oh, sorry, do you mind?

She was like, no, you're.

Well, I.

I don't really talk.

I mean, the kids sort of don't really.

They've always just grown up with having weird mums like us.

But he does come home sometimes and he's like, mommy, you were on Strictly like this a while ago.

I did Strictly It Takes Two and stuff, like, you know, back in.

Back in the year.

And I was like, how do you know about that?

He said, oh, because so and so and so and so and so and so said that they watched.

And I was like, oh, okay.

Then I was like, is that okay?

You know?

I was like, yeah, I guess so.

Yeah, I guess.

It's all right.

It's all right.

Right, we've got a message from Kate next.

She says, hi, girls.

I'm a bit behind on the pod from the festive break.

And so you might have already resolved this, but if not, just heard the Eileen story and thought I'd write in with a possible resolution.

All right, go on.

We had a similar thing happen when we brought our new home, except it was socks we kept getting delivered.

So this was Eileen.

This is the money your mate oh.

Oh, this is the money.

Right, listen up, my friends.

We had a lot of people commenting on this.

Yes.

So.

And Eileen kept sending them money.

They didn't know.

Weights keep taking.

They keep taking because they don't know what else to do with it.

So they've got all this.

So here we go.

So this lady had a similar thing, right?

Except it was socks.

We kept getting delivered lovely bamboo socks from a small business.

I kept the first two pairs.

I won't lie.

Lie.

But after that, the guilt got the better of me and I had to sort it.

I think she'd actually won a recurring order in a competition just to clear up why she kept getting random socks delivered.

I ended up calling the estate agent we bought the house from who called the previous owner and she then contacted said sock company.

So maybe your anonymous and ever so slightly illegal friends could do the same and see if the previous owners know of an Eileen.

Please keep us posted.

I'm so bloody invested that I spent the first hour of my working day doing no work and instead just thinking about rich Irish Eileen.

Love the pod.

Kate.

I've got a feeling I'm gonna give her a voice note.

You know how much you like a voice.

I'm gonna voice not her in a bit and ask because I've got a feeling that she has.

My mate has done some checks and it.

They hit a dead end because the house that they live in, you see, they.

Which they own, but it was rented out quite a lot over the last few years.

It's been about five or six tenants in there over the last couple of years.

So.

Well, but this is it.

So I do think they have.

It's not like they had like a long standing previous owner, but there's been so many tenants that have been in there.

Wow.

That they.

I'm pretty sure they have, but I will double check that with her.

Thank you for that and I'll give you an update.

There's a voice note rant from Anna.

This might be me.

Hi, Luanimo, this is Anna from Luana and I for the first time sending in a rant.

We always encourage people to rant in the moment just to get it off their chest.

And I'm gonna do it right now.

I've just been to the nail bar with Elle and what I am fed up with.

Oh, yeah.

Other people thinking that they can give your kids sweets without asking you as the parent.

I have just witnessed the very nice lady, to be fair, in the nail shop, give L4 chupa chop.

But four.

That my one.

Right, so then having to pull those four lollies out of her hand has now resulted in a massive tantrum, a massive standoff with her saying to me, but the lady in the shop said I could have them.

People stop giving other people's kids sweets facts.

End of their whole lives, even more hard than it already is.

Thank you all, man.

Good night.

Wow.

Four, mate.

I'm in there, I don't mind one.

But then she goes, takes Al's little hand and goes, you come with me.

And I'm like.

And then she comes back, mommy, four.

So I'm like, you're not having four.

But the lady gave me four.

And then she's going, she's all right.

I'm like, do you want to deal with that diabetes that my kids want to have rotting teeth.

So, no, we have a floody stack because I obviously confiscated three.

And then so we have a bloody argument in the middle of the nail bar.

I think you're mean.

I would have like.

Well, not on my bloody watch, no.

Right, we've got a shit from a nun, so we've called you Breville.

All right, Luanimo, I have a gift for you that ultimately led to separation.

Oh, strong.

I was with my ex boyfriend for two years and had the pleasure of being together on my 18th birthday.

I hadn't given him any ideas, but we've been together for a year, so I was quietly confident he would get something I quite liked.

For me, it's not about the value, simply the thought.

Every time, mate.

Although I wouldn't say no to some nice gold jewelry Anyway, to the point.

It's the day of my 18th, my family has sat around watching me unwrap my presents and we get to his.

I eagerly rip open the paper to find one of those £20 Breville smoothie blend.

I look at him a bit, gone out and gone out and he confidently, in front of my whole family, announced it was the perfect gift for me to use to lose weight.

Seemingly I'd put on a few pounds since being with him.

Oh, that's so bad.

I know what you're thinking, asshole.

Yeah, well, this dickhead continued to stay with said asshole for another two years.

Even moved in together.

Once I woke up from my living nightmare and dumped that face.

I finally got my revenge.

The reason we split in the end was because he loved sniffing the white stuff.

I found his stash and knew exactly what to do.

I scrambled around the kitchen, got the Breville out, chucked all the baggies in, added water and blend I then proceeded to pack all my belongings and left, but left leaving behind a cocaine smoothie, a note saying, shove our relationship, your cocaine addiction in this Breville blender up your fucking ass.

All in one.

There it is.

All in one.

All in one.

This pod keeps me saying so.

Thank you.

I'm now three years into a new relationship and I've never been happier.

Please keep me a non.

Call me Breville.

God.

Never heard about that one.

I mean, that's.

Shove this relationship.

Shove your blender and your co.

Yeah.

Yes.

Strong.

Keep strong.

Right, Voice note from the girls from Essex.

Oh, I think we had them on last week.

Did we?

Didn't we?

Hi lo animo.

Okay, so keep us anonymous.

You can just say it's Girls from Essex.

We are out on a girls night out.

We're a few drinks in.

We have a dilemma that we think maybe you guys can help us with.

Think they were hoping for is single.

Yeah, she's been out on a date.

It's all gone very well.

Got on like a house on fire.

Brilliant.

Oh, four dates.

Sorry?

Four dates.

Get it right, babe.

Really well, it come to the night where they're doing the deed.

Yeah.

The first night they went to do the deed, he went a bit floppy, shall we say.

Okay, fine, I'm gonna give him another chance.

Yeah.

Because another time.

Yeah.

All going well, getting down to it.

Sex was good.

Sex.

Good sex, okay?

But afterwards, host quite all.

They're lying.

She's laying on him, having a little cuddle and he smells of Bo.

So now this is giving her the ear.

Really, really nice guy.

So we're all sitting here trying to give her advice, right?

Should she go back?

Yes, by the way, she did say to him, and he said no.

So she tried to, like, you know.

Give him a few hints.

He didn't take it.

So now she's got the ick.

She's kind of like, you know, p him off.

But now she's feeling bad.

Should she give him another chance?

How can she ticks the boxes everywhere else.

Yeah.

How can she carry on with this relationship?

Yeah.

And kind of basically tell him that he.

He smells a bit.

Thank you.

It's.

Bye, girls.

Thank you, girls.

I'll give him another chance.

You had a good.

You had a good shag.

And look, as Lou says, if you.

Ever get hot, I mean, look at the pumping, dumping.

Yeah.

I mean, look, if he.

I don't, you know, Bo.

It's a personal choice.

Lou doesn't mind a bit of sweaty Bo.

I like I'm married to a pt.

So he's often, you know.

Yeah, bo, but then he is quite good with his hygiene as well.

I think you've got to carry this one on.

But there's, there's a ways of saying it, you know, you don't have to go, oh, you stink.

I would.

Yeah, you would.

To be fair.

I go, cool, you worked up a bit, let's jump in the shower together.

But you.

But.

But you said that in a way.

That is a good way.

If you go, oh, you stink.

That's disgusting.

That's not very kind.

You go, oh, you've.

You've kept up a bit sweat.

Normally I like pheromones, but that's got last night's onion.

Yeah.

Come on, babes, let's go have a little shower.

Yeah, I think give it a go.

Give it.

Just give him a subtle hint.

You smell of garlic.

If in doubt, just go and give him a can of links.

Definitely don't slack this guy off.

I did think that she was saying it.

Yeah.

Don't slack him off just because of bo.

It's an easy fix.

Does he always smell of bo, though?

Yeah, but even if he does, like.

I definitely think always smells of bo.

That's not good.

If it was just the ones after a sweaty shag, it's forgiven.

Well, but I think if you do see, there is, there is longevity in this, I think then you just got to confront that, like, if someone had stinky breath or something, but otherwise they were amazing.

These are quick fixes.

I mean, stinky breath is a bit of a halitosis.

Sorry.

Because there's someone that's like quite famous and then whenever I'm at an event, they're always there and their breath always smells.

Oh, really?

It's been going on since.

For years.

It is a thing always say, if.

My breath smells, it's not you, babe.

Is it me?

No.

Good breath is so important, isn't it?

Like, I've just come away from doing a job the other week and talking to a lot of people.

I can't judge people.

It's a long day.

You're talking, you drop coffee, you know, dry mouth.

But oh, I do.

I'm very aware of taking a breath mint.

Sometimes my breath stinks.

I've never really smelt your breath.

Haven't you?

No.

But if you ask me, because I.

Eat garlic and then sometimes I forget to eat or drink, I'm smelling mine.

Yesterday I didn't have a drink of water like all day breath mustard till 4pm and Lydia and Nanny.

I was like a raisin.

Like Madge from Benidorm, all shriveled and dehydrated.

I went, I need to have a drink like the kids.

And I was like, can you just let me have a drink of water?

Yeah, I know how to drink.

It is a good glass of water.

Clears bad breath.

It really does.

Anyway.

Right, right.

Petty Polly for Amy.

Hi, ladies.

Also, Essex girls.

Give them another chance.

Right, Lovely.

Absolutely love the pod.

Thank you, darling.

You've kept me sane through a very messy divorce.

So thank you for all the laughs and reminding me that everyone goes through and comes out the other end.

They do, they do.

Babes, I have a petty poly for you.

Still makes me laugh.

Four years down the line.

When me and my abusive knobhead husband separated, we eventually came to an agreement whereby he would buy me out of the family home.

Great.

I thought I could leave and move on and buy my own place and make new memories.

I was so excited to leave and I played with a straight bat the entire separation.

Good girl.

Him, on the other hand, had been a.

Oh, nice girl had been arrested.

I ended up with a protective injunction and he put our little ones through absolute hell.

What a dick.

So when it was time to leave, I took one opportunity to make a stand.

I really didn't know what to do.

He was moving back in and I was leaving with everything in its contents.

I was also mindful that my children would be staying at the property with him over time and therefore I didn't want to fill the walls with dead fish.

Etc.

I also needed to be very careful about causing damage and being accused of intentionally ruining his property.

My ex was to come back to the house at 6pm on a dark February evening and I'd figured that the first thing he would do would become in and turn on the lights.

So you guessed it.

Yes.

I took every single light bulb for context.

The whole house was filled with spotlights.

Oh, they're annoying as well.

So get back in and out.

I ended up with around 50 spotlights removed from the ceiling.

I considered taking them all to my new house to use, but I wasn't happy with the pettiness of that.

So I put them all in a plastic bag and I smashed them and I left them in the bin for him to see.

Oh, this is.

This is such a good petty.

Because it's so annoying.

Yeah.

I knew that as soon as he got his house back, as he referred to it, he'd be absolutely fuming that the first thing he had to do was to pop along to BNQ and buy 50 new spotlights before he could do anything else.

You can guarantee that he wouldn't have bought a ladder in that.

To actually.

Reach the ceiling to fit them.

What made it even better was that when he then went on to email me to ask why I'd taken all the light bulbs out and smashed them.

And with that alone, I now sleep happy.

So she knew.

She knew it had got to him.

That is the single best bit of pleasure that that has ever given me.

I couldn't believe the fool actually bothered to ask me why I done it, because all it did was give me even more pleasure to know that the plan had worked and I had indee.

She got the satisfaction.

She did.

Everyone deserves a bit of tax.

Every tux.

Tax, obviously, every now and again.

I just love that phrase.

No need to keep me on.

I'm Amy from Kent and I'm so proud of myself.

Amy.

Amy.

I'm proud.

I'm even gonna give you a salute and a bow to say congratulations on that tax.

I love that.

Literally.

Oh, just there.

You've been taxed.

Yeah.

I mean, there it is.

Oh, dear.

Right, we've got a voice note from Nick up next.

Hi, ladies.

Love the show and all that.

I'm just listening to a podcast from back in August, and it was where Lou Louisa cried over the pigeon.

Oh, she was pretty sad about all.

The pigeons being discarded.

Yeah.

And obviously, yeah, she cried.

But I'm just gonna add on to that that my daughter said they learned about this at school.

And the fact that where we'd met domesticated them so much that they actually have forgotten how to look after themselves, so they no longer know how to build, like, their own little nests and stuff.

And apparently they just put, like, three.

Little twigs on the floor, and that's as much as they know how to do to build their little homes.

So she was very well justified crying there, because when my daughter told me that, I was like, that is actually really sad.

So, Louisa, you were well and truly right in crying and getting upset over that.

She's crying again, guys.

Just thought I'd let you know that.

Okay, Love you, ladies.

Thanks, Nick.

We now have more trauma.

Humans.

We just destroy.

We just destroy things on this earth.

How can we just use these carrier pigeons like that?

Used and abused.

And they don't even remember how to build a nest.

Now, would you.

I think twigs, perhaps.

You could be pigeon lady.

You can home some.

You can home pigeons.

Not homing pigeons.

We need to go to Trafalgar Square and Dress me up.

You can be the pigeon pimp.

Louisa the pigeon pimp.

It's really sad.

It's quite sad.

Message from Laura.

Oh, that's your game.

Your go, babes.

Your go.

I don't know.

We took go.

It's your go.

Dick thing to say.

I went on a girls holiday to Bulgaria.

Sorry, that's me.

I'm such a felon.

I went on a girls holiday to Bulgaria in my second year of uni to let off a bit of steam before my final year.

As a bit of fun, I'd taken up pole fitness classes at uni with my housemates and I rather fancied my skills as a novice.

Can you imagine my joy when we hit up a nightclub in Bulgaria, Fall to the brim of cocktails to discover a podium with three poles in the middle of the dance floor.

Nice bag thrown to the ground.

I legged it over to the pole to show off my skills in front of a group of lads hoping to impress.

This sounds slightly in between us.

My age, I was full swing, throwing myself backwards and writhing around on the floor.

When I decided to run at the pole and do a backwards spin.

I over egg the approach and run and run full speed.

Gossip first, fanny first at the pole and smash my fanny square on into it with an almighty crunch.

Imagine breaking your like pelvic bone.

I sucked up the pain, finished my maneuver and legged it to the bathroom.

There was a fair amount of blood, but I was hammered on cheap vodka.

Sucked it up and I just carried on with my night.

She damaged her hoof.

The hoof was broken.

The hoof was split.

I woke up the next morning with a horrific throbbing pain and a fanny that resembled a packed kebab.

Panicking, I wobbled down to reception to ask for a doctor.

The woman on reception couldn't fully contemplate my explanation of a pole dancing accident and broken fanny.

So I should meet to a side room with a desk, no bed, and called the hotel doctor.

He arrived within minutes and I ended up lying on a desk of reception, off reception with my very sore and broken vagina on show.

The doctor looked concerned and disappeared off, leaving me spread eagled, only to return with someone I assumed to be the janitor, who also took a good look, explaining in broken English I needed to be taken to get stitches.

Cleaners popped in to have a look.

I was swiftly ushered red face into a car, off, off to the local doctor's surgery for stitches and my swollen split fanny lip.

One hour later, 200 pounds poorer due to having to pay my Insurance excess.

I was reunited with my holiday companions who called everyone they knew to spread the story.

By the time I hit third year, even my university lecturers knew about my escapades.

I'm yet to make another appearance on the Pole.

Love Laura from Hampshire.

I just like the fact she over egged the approach.

She can just imagine her, like feeling.

Steamroller, you know, like she feels empowered.

Yeah, she's like, come on, Run, run.

Bash.

Wallop.

Dead.

Ow.

Split.

Ow.

Damage.

Hoof.

Right.

Voice note rant from Anonymous.

So Elsie live ranting.

Come in.

So my rant is in the bloody office.

Why do people think that they need to leave their bloody dishes to soak like Karen?

For God's sake, it's a Kellogg's Cornflakes.

You do not need to soak Kellogg's Laziness in a bowl in a sink for everyone else to clear up after you.

Just wash it out, dry it up and take it away.

That's my rant.

Please keep me anonymous and give me a granny name of Elsie because I hate confrontation and I can't be asked for the drama in the office.

And thanks, love the pods.

Love you girls.

So honest.

And I love you for that.

I love you for that.

Share it with us.

You can't be asked.

I get it.

I get it, babes.

Right, message from Grace.

Egg competition.

Oh, egg competition story.

So, remember I.

This is a problem for me.

Hi, ladies.

I just listened to your episode about the painting egg competition at primary school and it reminded me of a story from when me and my sister were at primary school.

We're now in our 30s.

We were set the same boiled egg painting competition, but it was very over the top state of affairs with everyone painting shoe boxes.

Oh, well, this is the problem that ends up at my school.

Yeah, we had to do this bloody football pitch, didn' I wasn't happy with just the one egg to create a scene for the egg to go with it too.

See, I think this sounds fun.

I might just do this for fun with that.

It's not fun.

I had to do six eggs with Arsenal egg players in an Arsenal shoebox stadium.

We did.

Talking about eggs.

We did that experiment, you know, when you put the egg in vinegar and it becomes a bouncy egg?

Yeah, we did that.

And then three days later yesterday, Indy dropped it on the floor and egg went everywhere.

I bet he loves that.

I hate fucking egg.

Good mum.

Lou.

Mum points worth mentioning that we both went to a Roman Catholic primary school too.

This is where my children go to.

Yes, my egg Creation was rather wholesome where I turned the egg and oh same as me into our girls football team coach teacher egg for I was quite proud of myself actually.

We did a great job.

Egg for his bald head and then created a football pitch and stuck photos of the girls in the team for extra.

That's quite good actually.

My sister, two years younger than me took a slightly different approach.

It was at a time when Katie Price and Sash Jordan was in the I'm a celeb jungle.

She decided to turn her shoebox into a jungle and then made Katie Price in the middle.

Where did the egg come into this?

She stuck a photo of Katie Price's head and used two eggs for the boobs complete with a tiny bikini.

Safe to say her entry to the competition was disqualified.

She got banned.

Didn't go down too well with the Catholic school.

Yep, yep, I can appreciate that guys.

That's why I keep myself stum with this podcast in my kids school.

When my mum came to pick us up at the end of the day my sister's teacher came to talk to her to tell her about the disqualification.

But I did also secretly tell her that the Katie Price entry was his favorite and went down well in the staff room with the not so religious members of staff.

No need to keep us anonymous.

I'm Grace and my sister is Ellen who also listens to the pod along with our mum Allison who says she was mortified but also never discourage the whole idea.

Love that.

This has given me thought now for when we do the Easter egg competition.

No, but I might think of something a little more current and risque.

Yeah, see what the kids come up with.

Well, they're not going to come up with anything current and risque babes.

You know my Enzo, he could come up with anything.

It'll probably be poo related or why.

Don'T you do a Strictly Come Dancing one?

I don't know.

Let's see what he comes up with.

He has quite the imagination.

Right, time for the times.

Some confessions.

I've never told anyone this, but I've been with my husband for a few years and have always known he had a bit of a thing for tights.

It never really bothered me as I quite like how tights make my leg look anyway.

Make my legs look anyway.

And I felt there were much weirder things to be into.

The added perk was it meant that my husband always ensured my tight straw was fully replenished to keep my legs adorned in the finest hosiery.

Every birthday, Christmas or anniversary, I'd be sure that at least one of the presents was a new pair of luxury tights.

To be honest, I did always secretly like how he couldn't keep his hands off my legs when I was wearing tights.

In fact, I actually used to like to tease him with them a little bit without him knowing.

An uncrossing and re crossing of the legs here, a slight readjustment of my skirt or dress there.

Just enough to show a little bit of the tops of the tights.

And as much as he would try and hide it, I could always see his eyes pop and knew that I was driving him wild.

Recently we went out for New Year.

We were all dressed up for a nice dinner and drinks out.

Of course I was wearing a pair of tights.

A pair of sheer black patterned woolford tights which I managed to ladder slightly after about an hour.

Don't worry though, hubby will replace them.

Anyway, we got back to the hotel, we were having a bit of a kiss and cuddle on the bed.

Things took a slightly different turn.

By this point he was naked and I had slipped out of my dress, lying there in just my underwear and tights.

As I was starting to take my tights off, my husband grabbed my hands slightly awkwardly asked me if I'd keep them on for a bit.

I said okay as I didn't really mind.

It helped warm up for the main event.

Anyway, the next minute he's on top of me, kissing me, dry humping and rubbing his now erect penis against the nylons of my own legs.

He was clearly enjoying himself.

A little unusual perhaps, but I was a bit drunk and I thought I'd go with it.

Try a little dirty talk to get him more turned on before he would no doubt give me the shagging of a lifetime.

I'm clearly out of practice with my dirty talk.

I ended up whispering, whispering in his ear about the tights I was wearing.

Like a little seductive.

Like a Little seductive hosiery advert 15 denier black tights, sheer nylons.

Reminds me of I'm looking for a guy.

Yeah, blue eyes.

Just as I was about to burst out laughing at the thought of what I was saying, I felt my husband tense up before feeling a wet sticky squirt on my legs and tummy as me talking about tights seemingly tipped him over the edge.

So not only did I not get the shagging of the lifetime I was expecting, I now had a pair of laddered come covered tights at a husband with seemingly a tights fetish.

He was very sheepish with Me the next day.

We actually haven't talked about it since.

However, there does seem to be one benefit to it, which I have discovered last week when I mentioned that I needed to buy a new dress for a night out and it would look great with tights.

But I'm not sure if it was.

If it was too much to spend on a dress.

My hubby couldn't wait to offer to buy me a dress.

It seems wearing a pair of tights and a bit of light teasing gets my husband to open up his checkbook like nothing I've ever seen before.

Oh well, could be worse.

At least he isn't wearing them himself.

I love this for you.

I love that.

I think tight spectators are quite usual.

Yeah, very, very common.

And why not?

He's opening up his wallet.

Babes, you keep going, keep going.

Therehere we are.

15, 10 here.

Imagine she's fishnets.

Oh, every hole.

Oh, we're not good enough.

No, we're not.

So right, next one, please keep me in on.

But I have to confess to someone.

I'm a mum to three kids and among my friends and family I am noticed somewhat of a prude.

They joke as I am such a private person.

However, what they don't realize is that I have another side I cannot bring myself to disclose to them.

I am signed up to a well known sex site online where I am registered with a fake name.

I regularly upload pictures of my badge ass that works for all to see.

People then comment on it and message saying how horny it's made them.

This does not go any further, but I guess the thrill of turning someone on after being a mum for so long gets a big turn on.

Yeah.

I had to confess, I worry sometimes that if I croak it and they discover this, they'll probably die of shock themselves.

I love the fact that you're people think you're approved.

You're a private person.

She's uploaded a starfish snatch on the, you know, on the, on the Interweb Starfish rate it.

It's giving her validation, it's making her feel attractive.

No one's being hurt and you haven't.

Got your face in it, which I would advocate, don't ever do.

Well done you babes.

That's it.

Guys, listen, if you haven't listened to our back catalog of Luana, the podcast, we have over 500 episodes.

So go back and have a little listen whilst you're waiting for your next fix, which comes on Monday.

Lulu.

Whoopity doo.

Dahlia.

It certainly does make sure you need you.

Yeah make sure you email luana@everythingluanna.com and our numbers 077-52-double-6947 so that's it.

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Yes.

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See you Monday.

Over and out.