Trish: [00:00:00] All right, mama. I'm going to share an Instagram live that we did where we were talking about something that no one really talks about. What happens when you create your birth plan, you're super adamant about it, but then in the moment during your birth. You change your mind. Maybe you swore you'd go unmedicated, but now that epidural's calling your name or maybe you plan for hospital birth, but now you're really dreaming about a home birth, whatever it is.

I want you to hear this out loud and clear. This is your birth and you do not. Anyone an explanation. So in today's episode, I'm gonna be breaking down why your birth plan's a guide, a map, not a contract, and why Changing Your mind is your empowerment, right? Not failure, and how to own your decisions without guilt.

So let's get into it.[00:01:00]

Okay, so here's what we're gonna talk about, and I feel like this is so important and rarely talked about. So what we're gonna talk about tonight is changing your mind. You know, you have put all of this, education and, and you've written out your birth plan, and you've told everybody who will listen what you're doing during your birth.

Then you get into your birth. And you change your mind. And what I see a lot is a lot of moms struggle with so much guilt and like this sense of embarrassment. And, and if any of you guys are on here who have experienced this, please drop your stories and tell me if you created a birth plan, if you were like, gung-ho, I'm gonna do this during my birth.

And you changed your mind and then you felt like a little mom shame or mom guilt or someone else made you feel bad about it, that's the case. I wanna hear that as well. So. Just a quick [00:02:00] little personal story. I have had several students that have gone one or the other way, right? They were very adamantly going to go unmedicated, and then they get into their birth and at some point they decided that they were gonna get an epidural.

And then they feel like even when they're explaining their birth story to us inside of our membership or inside of our pregnancy hangouts or postpartum hangouts, when they're explaining their birth story, there's this like. Oh, I ended up getting an epidural and there's like this like negative thing to it, this negative vibe.

Or maybe here's another one that I hear. Maybe you're like, I am absolutely not letting my baby go to the nursery. And then you have your baby and you're like absolutely exhausted and you're like, I. Feeling guilty because you want to ask the nurses if you can have them take the baby to the nursery, but you're thinking, gosh, I'm a horrible mom.

Like I can't even handle having my baby the first night. I [00:03:00] wanna really address the this and remind you, this is your journey. This is your birth. You get to make the choices. A lot of the reason why I do what I do is because I got so tired at 16 years as a, as a high risk labor and delivery nurse, and I got really, really tired of seeing women's voices stripped from them.

And I don't even want you to do that to you. Like this is so important and we have this inner critic inside of us that's always telling us we're wrong or we're making the wrong choice. We're not doing the right thing. Hi Gracelyn. And then I've got,

aubrey who always wanted to unmedicated his spontaneous birth, but now having to talk to my doctor about a possible induction if I go to 42 weeks, definitely hard and feeling sadness, maybe not shame that it's different. You know what though? We're not there yet, girl. We need some have lots of sex nipple stimulation.

Got the things. I actually did a reel about this [00:04:00] today I think. So if you have any questions, let me know. Okay, let's go back. 'cause I have to shout out Gracelyn, she had her baby at 38 weeks and four days. We're both healthy. She's two days so far. Congratulations. She's been on my lives, I'm. So excited.

Okay. And here it's Crystal. She said I wanted an unmedicated at birth was induced, and after hours of contractions I asked for the epidural and I didn't feel guilt, but I did feel disappointed, right? So here's what I want you guys to know, and I, and I say this inside of my courses all the time. You get to make the choices.

Now, we can refuse whatever we want, but should we, we need to have knowledge. We, we can also accept what we want. That's your right. This is your birth. This is your journey. So I want you to remember that you don't have to justify your decisions to anyone now. Like she said, she felt disappointed and she's gonna walk through those and it's [00:05:00] okay to feel excited and happy about your baby, but also disappointed you can handle both those emotions at once.

They can live there at the same time. So I want you guys to remember that your birth plan, and why we call it a birth map is because. It's a map, right? And it's important for setting intentions. It's important for educating yourself, and the power is not in your birth map. The power is inside of you. You, you are the one that gets to make those decisions.

You get to change your mind as well. You don't, you're not married to your birth plan. Your birth plan is a map, and I call it a map because if you were going on this fancy vacation, right, and you booked your tickets and you're leaving at five 30 in the morning, you've got your Uber booked and Uber doesn't show up, you're not gonna be like.

Oh my gosh, I'm not going now. It's done. No, you come up with another plan. If you, you know you're on your way to the airport and your flight gets delayed, you're not gonna cancel your [00:06:00] plans. Let's say you land in this exotic country and you thought you were gonna take the train, but then you realize, wow, these taxis are really nice.

I'm gonna take a taxi. See your birth experience is the same way. You need to be educated. You need mean knowledge. You have to know your options. And I always say, if you don't know your birth options, you don't have any. But those are your options. That's why you need to know them. So you're not bullied, you're not coerced, you're not like forced into something.

You make the decisions now. It's a little different if like your Yeah, I love it. I always compare birth with vacations. That is my love language. Yes, I do have a birth plan guide okay. So. Birth plans are so important for setting your intentions, for educating the power of the birth plan is that you've been educated enough to write out your map. It's not, the paper is not the power you are. You are the power. So if you [00:07:00] decide to do something differently than you thought you would do, and I'm just gonna tell you y'all, as a mom of seven and a older mom.

You're gonna do things you don't think you wanna do. Now with your babies as a parent, you're gonna do things that you said you'll never do. Pregnancy and children change things, okay? Birth is unpredictable, but true empowerment means that you are the one who is navigating the choices. And if you change your mind, that is okay.

That is okay. Just like I said, you stay flexible because you're knowledgeable and you are able to pivot and do things differently. And honestly, the biggest critic that you're gonna face is the one that's up here. And so I really want you guys, you know, this is why we have our MAMA membership. So when you join my classes, you get 30 days free in Calm Mama Society.

Inside of Calm Mama Society. We have pregnancy hangouts, we have postpartum hangouts, we have [00:08:00] EFT tapping, we do prayer. We've got, expert workshops. We have so much to help you guys navigate that. And I just did a VBAC hangout with my VBAC moms. We were talking about some of the workshops we have, and one of them is about mom guilt.

One of them is accepting this new version of you. 'cause you're gonna be different. You will be so. Here's common reasons that I see that moms change their mind. So the first one would be pain management plans. You know, maybe you planned unmedicated, you decide you want epidural, or maybe you planned an epidural and you end up not being able to get one, and you end up going, you know, natural or unmedicated.

I don't like saying natural because all birth is natural. So pain management plans, they are probably the biggest one that you may change your mind on what you wanted to do. Or maybe you were like, I'm absolutely not doing IV narcotics, and then you're like, give me all the drugs. Again, knowing your options, understanding when it's appropriate, [00:09:00] what it's used for, how it's done ahead of time is gonna give you a lot more peace.

The next thing would be medical interventions. Like I tell my mamas all the time. Don't ever say, I would never blank because if you're in your, birth, your baby's heart rate is down, you're gonna be like, yes, use the vacuum or yes, do an epi episiotomy if it's needed in those situations. And if that's what's needed, that's what's needed.

That's why we have the interventions. That's why you have to understand when and why, when they are appropriate and when they're just out of convenience. The other thing is you may change your mind just. Based on your instinct. Like you may be like, I am gonna labor at home, I'm gonna lay at home for a long time, and then I'm gonna go in at the last minute.

And then you're in labor and your instinct is like, I think I really need to go. I always teach my moms, we don't listen to fear, but we do listen to our intuition. Okay. You don't, again, I wanna really, really. Nail this in. You do not owe [00:10:00] an explanation to anyone inside of my birth classes. My students have said that.

I lay it out like a smorgasbord or like a buffet, and you get to pick and choose because I also don't wanna be someone who is pressuring you. I want you to know your options so that you can choose for you. That is your birthright. Okay? So have like a phrase or something ready to shut people down. So if you are worried about a choice that you made that maybe your mom or your grandma or your mother-in-law or someone's going, your sister is going to guilt you on, just have a phrase like, you know, I made the best choice for us.

And that's what matters. Something simple. You don't owe explanations and then walk through the guilt. I wouldn't ignore it. Walk through the disappointment. Process those emotions and allow yourself freedom from that because you're probably gonna be your biggest critic. Your baby wants to just be with you, right?

So if your baby doesn't care if you got an epidural or not, your [00:11:00] baby just wants to be with you. Just remember that. And then the final thing, again, it's your baby, your body, your birth. You get to navigate the decisions.

Okay, mama, remember this, this was a nice little shorty episode, but your birth is yours. You do not need to justify, you don't need to explain. You don't need to defend your choices to anyone. Whether you stick to your plan or you change your mind in the moment, that is your choice. You are in control. You are powerful, and you are enough, and you are capable.

If you're looking for a supportive space to ask questions, get expert guidance, and connect with other moms who get it, come join us inside A Calm Mama Society. I cannot sing. Its praises enough. It's only $19 a month. You'll have access to pregnancy hangouts, postpartum hangouts, expert workshops. And a tribe of mamas who will have your back every step of the way.

Go to labor Nurse [00:12:00] mama.com/cms to join us today. Share this episode to your stories and tell me your biggest takeaway and tag me. I'd love to hear your thoughts. As always, hit subscribe. Leave a review. And I'll see you again next Friday. Bye for now.