Things were going unbelievably well and I felt like it

was just time for whatever was next, but I didn't know what that was.

I was like, okay, we're going to shut the door on this ministry and just see.

And I closed everything down in December and, three months

later, COVID took over our world.

And because I had closed things down, I had the capacity to just say to

God, I have this white space now, Lord, how can I help your people?

How can I help you?

Um, uh,

How can we turn our everyday lives from ordinary to

extraordinary through faith and community today on seek, go create.

We're thrilled to have Becky Kaiser, a passionate advocate for empowering

women to embrace their faith.

and live impactful lives.

As the founder of Sacred Holidays and author of the new book, But God Can, How

to Stop Striving and Live Purposefully and Abundantly, Becky is dedicated

to helping women find confidence in Christ and fall in love with his word.

Through her innovative online platforms and speaking engagements around the world,

Becky offers not just spiritual guidance, Practical tools to deepen one's faith

and chase after dreams and callings.

Becky, welcome to seek, go create.

Thank you so much for having me, Tim.

I'm really excited to get to chat with you today.

I'm excited about this conversation too, because when I see

things like how to stop striving and live purposefully and abundantly,

I start salivating a little bit.

Hopefully the people on the video don't see that or

it's like perfectly in line for all that you preach

and teach about constantly.

Yes.

It does it fits so well here, but first question the, I'm used

to call it an icebreaker, but it's, it's now become like a kind of a joke.

But if somebody asks you what you do, do you tell them?

That's like the big general question.

That's wow, what a big question.

what do I do?

I am an author, which is one of the things that you just shared about.

I'm an author, speaker, women's events, prisons, and

all different kinds of things.

I'm a certified life coach.

Yes.

And I'm a serial entrepreneur when it comes to ministry things, I love starting

things and seeing where they go and grow.

And I am married to my husband, Chris.

We've been married for 17 years and have three girls.

So a, what grades are they in now?

Third, fifth and seventh graders.

So we are in that tween and teen girl stage where it's lots of

emotions in our house, ranging from really awesome to really terrible.

So that's a great answer.

But the first thing that popped in my head here I need to know a little

bit more about Chris, who has Four

lot, a lot of

women, females in the house and they're in the teenage years.

And I'm sure all low maintenance, just easy to get along with low energy.

I can tell you're low energy.

So tell me just a little bit about Chris before we jump off the

yeah, yeah.

I mean, typically he walks in from work and we're just sitting in a circle,

holding hands, singing songs softly.

Chris, Chris gets patted on the back often in public by strangers

of men just saying, So sorry.

And it's one of the things that I love about him is he'll look

him in the eyes and be like, I'm not, I love having all girls.

And it is definitely different for sure.

And there are times that he embraces the girls, putting face mask on him

and learning all kinds of dance moves.

He'd never do typically, he's become a 50 because he's had to, But yes, the,

the emotions are the parts where it's like, he says there are days I walk

in the house and then just want to slowly back right back to the garage.

Cause someone's either crying or screaming or two different people

are feeling two different extremes.

So yeah, it is, it's an experience.

We got him a boy dog during COVID because we felt like he needed

another male in the household.

So we got him a boy dog.

Oh, good.

Trying to create some balance in the force or something.

But, and the reason it's intriguing for me is our daughter has blessed

us with two granddaughters.

And so I think about our son in law Hunter, who is a girl dad.

And, and so he's experiencing them.

They're young, they're four and two, and I'm like going, this is a, this

is a dynamic that's challenging.

so related to that, We're, we're early on here.

I would love for you to answer a question and that is we're, we're

going to, we're going to go into, but God can, we're going to talk about

how to stop striving and all of that.

And I know that your ministry and I get it is primarily focused on women.

However.

If, if Joe Guy is still listening here at the three minute mark, why should

he stick around for this conversation?

Why should he hang with us?

I know why I'm, that's why I'm having the conversation, but what do you think?

Why should he stick around?

love that you're asking that question.

And I would hope that Joe, whoever would continue listening.

sometimes we think girls should teach girls and boys should teach

boys and men can't learn from women.

And that's like a very, especially prevalent.

conversation within the church, right?

That we could do like a whole podcast episode on that alone.

there's no reason one, because everything I'm sharing, while I

write specifically for women, why the cover of my book is hot pink.

All the truths that I share in it are there.

They're not.

central to one gender or another.

Every truth about God is still true for women as it is for men.

Every encouragement and challenge within the book and that I would

share as a woman is relevant for men.

So I'd say number one, you should listen because you should listen

because it's always good to hear and learn from different voices.

The other thing that I would say is that me as someone who focuses

intentionally chooses to focus on women specifically where there's a lot of

women that focus on male and female.

I love to speak in one, like the specific language that women speak.

So every man has females in their lives.

My husband happens to have a lot.

So not every man has as many as my husband, but we have mothers, we

have sisters, we have wives, we have daughters, granddaughters, coworkers.

And so to learn some of those specific bents where that women struggle in,

it's so essential that as, as men.

who are often elevated in, in church culture to be leaders,

know how to best serve, love, and support the women in their lives.

So there, this is, you can listen from two different voices of both be

selfish in this, but then also you get to learn how to love others really

well by listening to this conversation.

Yeah.

And, and I love, I think that's one of the themes or one of the

takeaways from your new book.

We'll talk more about that in a moment, but, you have an action steps

of love God, love self, love others.

And to, to me, one of the challenges with our modern cultures, most

of us, and I'll point to myself, we're wrapped up in ourselves.

And the way we show loving others is to do that.

I, I gotta tell you something funny though.

You brought up the hot pink.

All right.

If you're listening on audio, I'm going to paint a picture for you.

Tim is sitting here with a white and gray background in the RV, wearing

the shirt color that I wear all the time, which is a black t shirt.

And that's Tim.

Tim, that's people that know me know.

Okay.

In fact, this morning I mentioned to my wife, Oh no, we've got an emergency.

I'm almost out of black t shirts.

I do the laundry in the house.

So that means that's my cue to do the laundry.

Yes.

Becky is sitting here with a leopard print.

on and I don't think that's lime green, but it's not a muted green shirt And and

I I do see in the background some hot pink in two different places And and I

want to tell you last night I was I was pulling up your some information and and

and going through some things with your book and Having a lot of fun with it.

And when I pulled up the one pager for those that don't know one

pager is just Information that we get on people that are guests.

I opened it up You My wife was sitting across from me doing something else

on her laptop and I went, ah, I literally almost yelled out loud

and I turned my laptop around.

I said, look at all of this color on this one sheet because mine is

muted gray and black and white.

need to celebrate our differences, right?

Yes.

And Tim, let me just say, you are, you're not the first interview that

I've done with a male on the, as I've been like working on book tour stuff.

And it has so impressed me that you're willing to have, especially

even knowing that you're a male who is muted gray tones.

And my, which my husband appreciates.

He's black and white is the way he lives, both in how he processes

and what his preferences are.

And I'm like every shade in between the whole rainbow.

I love that you're willing to say we all have something to learn.

And, it made me excited when I was like, another guy is signing up for this.

I think this is amazing.

And I'm sure it,

was also shocking and you maybe needed to put sunglasses on and that's fine.

I, yeah, there was a lot of color on that one page or more color

than I may have seen in the last few.

Now, the, the cool thing about it, and I think this just goes to the,

the value of learning and listening.

When my wife and I got married, we're 35 years in now.

So this has been a long time, but I still remember it.

This is why it's important.

Our first house, I said, off white eggshell walls, that's best

for resale, blah, blah, blah.

And she was kind of sort of, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, it was early on, next house, just a few years later,

she goes this wall right here, two story wall, right behind the sofa.

That is an accent wall.

We are going to paint that.

And at first, when the color started going on, I thought it was fire engine red.

As it dried, this was the nineties.

So it was popular then it became more of a deeper Burgundy, but I,

Becky, I hated it when I first saw

I

but you know what, though, over time, I begin to go, I

understand why we need an accent wall.

And I've told her, I appreciate you bringing color in, into my life.

Now

I love it.

that's a little bit of a light touch.

to my bigger question.

That's going to be a deep into the pool type question here.

Okay.

What is it about culture that creates so much pressure on

us to not accept the accent walls?

That people want to throw at us.

And I could tell you, I did not have that written down.

So we'll, we'll assume the Holy spirit's working here with the,

with the accent walls and the color.

Why is it?

Because I also think that that leads to the pressure that we're going to talk

about that culture puts on women and men.

I mentioned earlier, we've got, we've got a really cool couple of episodes

here that look at the dichotomies, but, what's going on with all the pressure

that's coming down on specifically.

Women today.

Yeah.

I, I would say that first the pressure, at least in how I interpret

your question with the accent wall, I think there's a lot of pressure.

Christian culture and world culture are a little bit different when

it comes to us as women, And men.

But there's a lot of pressure within the church for us as women

to be certain things, right?

To be quiet and submissive, to, be wives and mothers, to want to serve and host and

cook and wear aprons and all the things.

And for men, I would say on the reverse, there's this expectation

that you're strong and a leader and boisterous and brave.

All these other things.

So I'm sure you get to the man's side in, in the other

conversation you had referenced.

So I would say for women, the accent while pressure for us is

that we, we feel this pressure to be a certain way within the culture.

And then in the world, we're told now women have power, so go in.

You, you do you boo is what like people are saying, and you can

do absolutely everything and you could be anything you want.

You want to be president, go for it.

You want to change the world, you can do that.

And all this pressure for women.

We have these two very large voices sitting on our shoulders of you

can be anything and do anything.

Which isn't possible.

And also you need to only be this and only look like this,

which is impossible either.

And so that leads to this like turmoil that we all experienced,

which leads to facades going up of who actually am I, what am I here to do?

I have this drive to do this, but church says to do this, or I have this desire to

be this, but the world says that's wrong.

So for women specifically, that's the pressure we're constantly feeling is I

don't know where I belong in any desire that wells up within me feels wrong and

out of place somewhere and not accepted.

Yeah.

And I think one of the things that's tough, this, and this is both men and

women is the, I don't even know if the comparison even fits in to it.

I mean, I, I jumped over last night and looked at your Instagram and Instagram is

like one of the best places in the world.

And one of the worst places in the world to go.

And yeah, and, and, and listen, we, we, I guess try to be authentic and some

people maybe are a little too authentic and, but it seems to me that that is a

little bit more of a challenge for women.

I don't know, is that even a fair statement to make the whole

100 percent of your statement.

Yeah.

And maybe in the same way, like not too many men are super active

on Instagram, but I would say at least for my husband, like LinkedIn

is a more popular place to go.

And so you can see how many connections do they have?

How many job offers have they gotten that week?

How many people have affirmed them in something?

Are you posting this and getting this many views on it?

How, what are your job listings?

and in the same way for women, we go to Instagram or Facebook and, and

then for younger girls, it's just, there's like 25, 000 places they're on.

And, and it's visual.

So you see like for men, it's more factual, right?

there's not too much you can fabricate on LinkedIn now.

You can still pose for sure.

and there's a lot of people who do fabricate it, but for Instagram,

you can post a actually filtered picture of yourself smiling.

But behind the scenes, your marriage is struggling.

Your house is a wreck.

Your kids are just on media all day long.

But then what I would see as a woman is she's got it all together and I don't.

And so it is this, the comparison for sure is something that makes

us, it's another thing on us that makes us feel like I'm not enough.

I don't have it together.

I'll never be as good as her.

I'll never.

Regardless of what field you're in, I'm an author speaker, but lawyers,

doctors, teachers, all that, you're seeing other people be more successful

than you, but you're really just seeing a slice of their life.

And it may or may not even be real.

Which is tricky.

It is.

And our, our daughter, she shared with us that she's removed Instagram from

her phone and she brought it back on.

She said for all of two hours and then said, you know what?

Not good.

All right, Becky, here's a, this is probably going to be a tough question

Okay.

because I, I wrestle with this myself and I'm going to, I'm going to

lead up to it so you could your palms can get a little bit sweaty thinking about it.

Part of the challenge with that.

Is people that come on to these platforms and we're doing podcasts,

we're writing books, we're, doing studies and all of that kind of stuff.

And so I want to present the irony that one of the things I do when I work

with executives and leaders is I try to tell them to be more peaceful at rest,

create more white space in their lives.

yet when they look at me.

They don't, you don't see the full picture, but they go, you're writing

books, you're doing podcasts, you got YouTube and all that.

I could see that women could look at you and possibly be intimidated.

I mean, you got a lot of stuff going on.

Awesome stuff.

Awesome stuff.

So I told you, it's a tough question.

How would you respond if someone says, but Becky, I can't be like you look

at all this stuff you've got going on.

And I hate to throw the word imperfection, but just.

All right, how about that?

Was that a that's a tough question, isn't it?

It's a fair question.

And it's one that I'm sure people go to my page and sense, and they're for

sure pages I go to and have the exact same feeling I would say it's one of

the reasons I try as often as I can to.

disarm people by sharing the imperfections of my life.

It's one of the reasons I try to do lives or podcast interviews without

makeup on with a hat on instead of my hair fix, because that's

real and I don't look glamorous.

Like my headshot would look every day.

Most of the time I'm in athletic clothes.

And Yeah, if somebody were to say that to me, I would say back to

them, you're absolutely right.

And the truth is it's a, it's both a maturity response

when we go onto social media.

And this is something I say to my kids, my kids, friends, my

friends, myself is we all show.

the public persona on our socials, right?

And that's myself included.

Even though I try to be as intentional as I can to show as

much unfiltered parts, social media, isn't where I'm going to go first.

If a doctor gives me a diagnosis, right?

I'm going to process that privately.

I'm going to process that with my community.

When Chris and I are struggling in our marriage, I'm That's not

where I'm going to post because it's not people's business.

And, and so that's where it's we have to have the maturity to say, I'm seeing

one portion of everybody's life because now there are people that you referenced

it to the overshare on social media, and that's a different conversation.

And those people just, they, they need help.

But for the rest of us, I think a mature response is share, share as

vulnerably and authentically as you can.

But there are things that just belong in a living room and belong around a

table and don't belong on social media.

So I can reference on social and my email list.

I can reference to them, Hey, Chris and I've had a really hard year and

here's what we're doing to help, but I'm not posting every day, man, we

had another fight again, or whatever.

Because it's not social media's business.

That's not better for my marriage.

What's better for my marriage is we're working through counseling

and we're fighting for each other and now we're in a good season.

but that, does that make sense to answer your question of

it does.

And, and I want to affirm that I went and listened to Hearers

and Doers, your podcast.

I went and listened to a few episodes.

The first one I listened to, and maybe this gives you a little bit about me,

I'm looking for more of your story.

I want to find out more about that.

Becky, if I'm about to have a one hour conversation and the first one I went

to, and I'm also looking at, how we do in podcasts, we say, okay, there's a

episode released every week and then something happened and then what's, and

I went to the one where you had just.

Had tonsils out.

Does that right?

Yeah.

and you basically with a little bit of a raspy voice

too, by the way, said, we're going to take a break and we're not

going to do anything for a while.

And to me, that is the opposite of someone who's attempting to power through and

do it just for the likes and dislikes.

And so I see that.

but it, but it still does occur with people that they look at our best.

And truthfully, I, I'm getting to where I really loathe the hashtag hot mess.

Oh, I'm a hot mess.

Because what happens is those, this is what I've observed with people.

We have this Pavlovian response where it's like, Oh my gosh, I got more likes on the

hot mess post than I did on the, whatever post I need to do more hot mess posts.

And then it becomes their life.

Anyway, we don't, let's, let's don't go down that road.

Tell me a little bit.

I'm, I'm always interested, not in likes, Full spiritual story, but,

were you, did you come out of the womb being a Jesus follower or was there a

little bit of a journey along the way?

What do you want to share about that?

Great question.

Definitely did not come out of the womb being a Jesus follower.

That is for sure.

My parents

And that, and that's bad, that's bad theology, by the way.

I just want to mention to everyone that's bad

Yes, we, we can, we all hear the laughter hopefully and know

that that's not possible for anyone.

but it was for sure not possible for me.

My parents divorced when I was an infant and they had joint custody,

like as joint as they come Monday, Tuesday, mom, Wednesday, Thursday,

dad, first, third weekend mom.

So that was my, I had a very split upbringing.

My mom is, I don't know, she wouldn't consider herself an atheist.

She believes in mother earth.

So she is a spiritual person, but, so like creation is her God.

And when it's a full moon, we would have to go on the back

porch and howl at the moon.

And so just a very.

Different upbringing that wouldn't be at all Jesus centered in her house.

And then when we were with my dad and stepmom at his house on those weekends.

We grew up Methodist, which is a little bit more liturgical of a denomination.

so very involved at church at my dad's house, but it was, more reserved

around church events than maybe a personal relationship with Jesus.

And, that all changed in high school.

I have a brother who's two years older than me.

His name's Neil Smith, and he's always been my best friend.

And he became a Christian because a youth intern reached out to him, so

that We had been going through a ton of stuff in our family and reached

out and shared the gospel with him.

And my brother became a Christian and for this, this was just before his

senior year, and he was like, I can't leave Becky and not knowing what's true.

And to him for a year, he was Jesus to me.

He loved me when I did.

The most horrible life choices, not things to him and didn't judge me as I had felt

judged by so many Christians around me.

And so I became a Christian at 16.

That's when things really changed for me.

and it was all new because I was not raised in a Christian home.

I didn't know any of those things.

And, and that's where my relationship with God really took off.

And it felt very much like a saddle Paul moment for me of, I felt saved

by God, I felt rescued by God.

And I was just blown away by him and his word, completely captivated by

his word and the truth within it.

And I ended up going to Texas A& M University for college.

And there's such a strong Christian community base there.

At least there was when I was there.

And, It was a strong time of discipleship.

And that's when I knew really felt confirmed that God wanted to

use me in some capacity ministry.

I just didn't know what that looked like.

and so it was just like a rollercoaster of ups and downs.

I ended up going into public relations and adapt and leaving

that to go work at a church.

And that led to more teaching and writing.

And here I am today.

So the journey of following God was not something that was innate at birth.

It was a journey of trusting him and him being my safest place.

And I saw somewhere that not too long before that 16

year old, where you, where you met Jesus, that you, you had a little

prison situation, a rap sheet here.

So let's, let's get both sides of the story.

So you gotta, you gotta tell just a brief,

I mean, I did say that I

didn't leave a very

you're, so you're tough.

It's tough, Becky.

It's like prison, Becky.

Yeah.

I may have a hopping book, but I've been incarcerated.

not, I, Yes, my brother and I, we've always been close in, in our pre Jesus

days, we, teamed up in shoplifting and eventually got busted for that.

And so that was a good wake up moment for both of us in many ways,

not a spiritual wake up, but a.

Stop hiding and covering in these areas.

And, yeah, so that's, it's everybody.

My brother does a lot of ministry work too.

So it's everybody's favorite fun fact of, did you know Nils and

Becky had been arrested before?

yeah,

So what I hear when I hear that is I hear entrepreneur.

yeah.

We've always started things together and now they're legal

things, which is progress, right?

Progress.

Yeah.

So that's good.

so it, it sounds as if you've always had an, I hate to mention something

that your mother may have said, but an energy to excel and succeed and

to, that when you stepped into things, you would move into a leadership.

Type position, or at least a, or you're going to lead and do things.

Is that, is that correct assessment?

Totally fair.

Totally fair to say.

Yeah.

And is that been a drive that you've had all along?

Or is it something I'll ask it this way.

Is it something that you're trying to prove or I'll use a word that's in your

new book, strive for to gain acceptance because I, and I'll bring this up

and then I'll let you respond to it.

My wife.

Came from what we would call a broken home her parents And she has identified

That she has a performance mindset that is related to And and I don't

think this is just a female thing, but

Mm hmm.

She believes if she achieves and accomplishes enough Then the people

around her and even god at times will be happy and things will be okay so You

I would say for me, that's not the case.

My husband actually is very much that way.

for me, I, I think maybe it's more of a like hard knock life.

You, you just have to do it right.

Like you make it happen.

and No.

Yeah.

What actually feels very, I don't know if aversive is the right word, but the

achievement in the process of having things more public as opposed to a

prep, like private ministry or just serving the people within my community,

the aversion I have is I don't want it to be construed as achieving.

Which is I think a difference for men and women and many capacities of

there is this, I don't want to come across like I'm trying to be something

and that it's not the bent for it.

For me, it's, I really want to see women freed.

And right now I see so many women shackled.

And so do I want to have books that are bestsellers?

Do I want to be able to reach Thousands of millions of people on podcast and social.

for sure I do, because each number represents a life that could be changed,

but I wouldn't say that the achievement, I have other events for sure, but I

wouldn't say the achievement is a personal goal for me other than the fact that it

means we made a significant impact here.

And one of the words that's in your book

title is this word purposeful.

And I, I think it's a word that it's really become integrated

into our modern culture.

And I actually think it's causing a lot of good.

And a lot of challenges because a lot of people are, I need to find my purpose.

I need to find my purpose.

Whereas I'm, I'm of the age.

I remember talking to my grandfather and if I were to ask him what his

purpose in life was, he would look at me like, what are you talking about?

I get up every day.

I go to work, I come home, I make enough money to, put

biscuits and gravy on the table.

And it is a little bit of our modern day reality.

But the, the, the question I've got related to this, and this is probably

a deeper question that could, I don't think we're going to go into a tailspin,

but I think you brought it up earlier.

You said there's the way the world looks at things and in their church world,

Yeah.

what is the church world doing to cause this

issue that we're talking about?

And let me just throw a few things out and then you could

just pick whatever you want.

We've got the whole, I won't even go into this because I'm not agreeing

with, the world's coming to an end and, and we need to do everything we can.

Don't get me started on in time stuff.

Please don't get me started.

So please don't go down that road.

and then we've also got this, you need to make an impact.

You've been saved and you need to make an impact.

And then we've also got this, but you're a woman, you, you've got a role within

what we call the Orthodox or traditional church and you, you can do certain

things, but you can't do certain things.

And so have I, have I given you enough hot buttons where you

could take this and run with it?

sure.

The, the whole purpose, I would say this is likely for men and women that

our culture and you're right, where like the generations before us wouldn't

have felt the same pressure of purpose because you just did your thing, right?

You weren't as concerned and I would think media has done a lot

to expose us to those things.

And so that's where there's this unattainable, the great purpose, right?

That that we're never going to fully reach.

And I do talk about it in the book that.

It's not like the destination, Oh, now I know my purpose and now I've

reached my purpose and that's it.

You've won the game of life.

It's not, it's not like that.

Purpose is your purpose is ever evolving.

It's shifting, it's changing.

It's the purpose is the journey with God.

And Like you, and we see that all throughout scripture, David,

I'm actually reading through the life of David right now.

And David was told when he was very young, your purpose is you're going to, you're

anointed to be the next king of Israel.

But he still then was a small little warrior who then had

the courage to fight Goliath.

But then it was decades of him hiding and fighting and hiding and

fighting and hiding and fighting.

And if you were to look at his.

Life journey, it would be, you would say he hadn't lived his purpose because

his purpose was to be king, a man after God's own heart, but the, he

showed himself as a man after God's own heart through the hiding and the

fighting and the hiding and the fighting before he ever lived in a palace.

so that would be my, my response to the whole greater purpose.

For women specifically when it comes to our place in the church, it, it's

complicated because of the pressure that's put within us to be a certain way.

And I would say the greatest purpose the church tells us as women is

your greatest purpose is that as mom and wife and you have no greater

calling than out of your family.

And Tim, this is where maybe we would, we'll get into debate, we'll see

where we, where we both land on this.

and for sure where people.

Listening may, may have more questions or, discussion items and DMS and comments.

But I just don't see that in scripture anywhere.

I don't see that scripture says, woman, your greatest calling and purpose

in life is to be a wife and a mom.

Because what about all those people who aren't married?

What about all those people who can't have children or don't have children?

Our greatest, my greatest purpose.

I have three girls who I love with everything.

Like I would literally kill for them.

Probably not.

Maybe we don't post that part, but like I, I would give anything for them.

And same for Chris.

However, they are not my greatest calling.

And it's very important for me that they see that they're not, they are

so intrinsically important to me, but they are not my greatest calling.

My greatest calling is to God.

And so when I have that purpose, my purpose is to love God,

to know God, to follow God.

That means that I can say, you know what girls, this is a really

busy season for me right now.

So for the next couple of weeks, I can't be there to tuck you in at night.

Or my oldest, I was selected to go chaperone her field trip, but it's

the same day my boat comes out.

And I can say, I know I've never missed a field trip, but this year I have to,

because sometimes my greatest purpose of that day isn't to be their mom.

It's I have women that I need to speak to.

does that answer your question a little bit when it comes to purpose?

Are we

still friends, Tim?

It no, no, it does.

I'm going to twist it a little bit here because we've got a few minutes.

I'm going to twist.

I am coming to believe that we have taken the family values roles in the house.

People can do this.

People can't do this way out of context from the, what we'll call first

century Authors that wrote, in the, in the period that they were writing

and we've attempted to adopt them.

I actually will tell somebody, listen, be careful going down the

biblical family values route because you brought up David earlier.

I don't think anyone wants to really use the model of David for family values.

And, and things like that.

I don't want to get off on that, but

Right.

so I, I do want to, I do want to point blank, ask this question.

Is it okay for women to be in ministry roles?

To be in ministry roles within the church?

yeah.

They were always in ministry roles.

Now, certain denominations would say it's not okay, and certain people holding

certain theological stances would say, no, women are to shut their mouth.

Women aren't to teach men.

But when we look at the full story of God, when we look at how Jesus consistently

elevated women throughout scripture, when we look at their roles and positions all

throughout, since the beginning of time, now the only limitations I see of women

in scripture were those of the culture.

And so when we look at the culture of scripture and see, Oh, maybe

women just couldn't do that because.

They weren't right.

so you referenced David.

David was allowed to have thousands of wives.

We would say today, that's probably not okay.

But culturally, this is one element we can't understand about

David, but culturally there, he wasn't breaking a law of God.

It's just weird.

I would say the same for women, not having prominence and position.

I mean, women in America have just been able to vote for a hundred years.

So when we talk about women not having place in position, I think a lot of

that's rooted in, it wasn't until 30 years ago that women really even started

to be in leadership in the world, people who don't even hold Christian values.

And so I would say we're coming along, but we're coming along way too slow

when it comes to what women can do.

And we're handicapped by verses that have been interpreted by some men,

not all men, And then preach from the stage because that's all that's been

allowed to communicate the truth.

And you brought up something earlier, you mentioned your daughters

and you mentioned missing a field trip.

And truthfully, listen, there'll be other field trips,

Yeah.

but.

I'll mention this and you can respond to it if you'd like part of training

up our children, which is scriptural.

We are to train them up is, is not to be with them all the time.

I mean, in my opinion, this is my parenting style.

My wife would.

Maybe say some things similar, but part of our role, I think the biggest part of

that role is pointing them up and pointing them to the relationship with the father.

And I think one of the things that we do is provide an

example of what it looks like.

And truthfully, You being a successful, woman and the, the mother of three

daughters isn't showing them the path of what they can do more powerful than

saying, okay, and listen, there's, I think people need to go where they're called.

I think people need to go where their assignment is.

And, and, listen, there's probably times where you would say, I

think we even rescheduled once.

I don't know if what was going on, but it's like, It's Hey, listen, one

of my daughters needs something, Tim, we're going to talk on another day.

And that's cool.

I don't know if that was the case or not, but anyway, you want to say

anything about that as, and that is the model that one provides for

their children and their family.

Yes.

That's yes.

And we did reschedule my, my oldest daughter had to get, braces on her

bottom teeth and I knew she would be in so much pain and would need me.

And so I reached out to you and your team to see, is there any

way that we can move this around?

So that's an example of, yes, it, it goes both ways on the compromise for

between mom and worker and all of that.

But what I always say for my daughters is, and it's unique

because I'm raising girls, right?

So this context of how women are positioned within church culture,

Christian culture, I see it not just for myself, but I see what do I want

to be important for my children in And I've said that so many times to

friends of I just don't want to raise girls who just raise kids, who just

raise kids, who just raise kids.

Because what, what is that cycle teaches nothing.

And it is actually very similar to the culture of Bible times.

So I can get why it's been taught in the church, because that was women

only, like their job was to go collect water, to make meals, to entertain

the guests and to raise the children.

So it's actually very biblical roles for women, but our culture

has changed significantly.

And me, how can I show my girls, okay, how do we listen

to the voice of God within us?

How do we take leaps of faith towards the Holy Spirit to see

what he might be leading us to do?

How do we make mistakes?

How do we try things?

How do we fail at things?

And in that you can still make sure your kids feel really seen and loved.

And in that you can still have.

And marriage that stands the test of time and has a really good seasons and you

fight through the really hard seasons.

You can still be involved in and serve your church community.

You can still have really great friends who show up for you when you need it

and you show up for when they need it.

so that the whole.

The holistic approach is so much better and so much richer than just

saying, all right, you're going to be great little mamas one day.

And that's not a bad thing to say, but it's a bad thing to

say when it's the only thing.

And I think it speaks so much to a word that I really

loathe, and that is tradition.

And listen, let's don't, let's, Don't make light of the fact that I'm a guy

that has basically been homeless for now going on 12, 12 years, my wife

and I've been traveling the world, went to Bible school for a minute

or two, and then jumped in an RV.

And so we're now over our five year anniversary of we don't have a home.

We don't have stuff.

We don't adhere to that.

So I, I love the thought of that.

And it goes back to, I believe, It's huge that people need to be seeking

the kingdom of God and they need to find their assignment in God's kingdom.

And so the, the path that you're moving along is cool.

There is, there's a book and a group that I think you started a few years

back called is it sacred holidays?

Did I get that right?

All right.

All right.

The reason I love this topic, and I want to get to talking about your new

book here as we wrap up, but the reason I love this topic is that I think that

our culture, society, church world, all of that has really messed up.

And I'll even say it idolized holidays, dates, Birthdays, my

wife's birthday is coming up.

I might have something thrown to me from the back of the RV here,

but we just making them, made them a bigger deal than possible.

I don't, that's what you talk about there, but talk a little bit about

what you did with sacred holidays.

And then we're going to move into talking about, but God can.

Yes.

So I know eight or so years ago, I saw I had younger kids then.

And I just saw that there was so just like what you said, holidays

are made into this huge thing, but they are also so commercialized now.

And I just, I didn't want to raise my kids.

I love holidays.

I love celebration.

Obviously all the color you see is I, I like fun that funds

an important value for me.

so I like the celebrations.

But I also felt lost in them and I wasn't sure how to do a lot of them, especially

like those surrounding, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and Halloween.

what does this look like for us as Christians to

celebrate all of these things?

And.

so that had me, I ended up doing some Advent studies, some Lent studies, and

then Lifeway had reached out about doing a whole book over all the holidays.

So that's a great resource guidebook for we talk about all the things.

How do you have less chaos and more Jesus in your holiday moments?

and when I released that book five years ago, It's interesting because

it, it felt I guess we talk about leadership and choices and whenever

that had come out, it did really well.

And I also felt like this season's done and I, I shut down the ministry.

And even though I was like a year out of the book being released, Things

were going unbelievably well and I felt like it was just time for whatever was

next, but I didn't know what that was.

so that's where Tim, I was like, okay, we're going to shut the door

on this ministry and just see.

And I closed everything down in December and, three months

later, COVID took over our world.

And because I had closed things down, I had the capacity to just say to God,

I have this white space now, Lord, how do you, how can I help your people?

How can I help you?

And as we were all in the midst of this really hard, impossible

season of our lives, I was talking to friends who were just exhausted.

Like we were all thrown into homeschooling and none of us playing to homeschool.

And, we were all just stuck at home constantly.

But then I would talk to colleagues of mine who were speakers and teachers and.

Everybody was, all their events had been canceled.

And for some of them, that was income that they relied on.

It was also giftings that they loved using and could it now.

and then I would talk to ministry leaders, women's pastors and other

pastors, and they were like, we don't know how to reach our people.

And so that's where I reached out to my brother, my partner in actual crime.

and just said, because he's, his superpower is helping ministries

maximize their impact online.

And so I said, bro, I.

All my retreats have been canceled.

What if we, can we move a retreat online?

Like I wouldn't even know how to do that.

beyond a few zoom sessions, I'd not done much on Facebook lives.

And so we decided let's, let's do this retreat and let's do an online women's

retreat that was literally the name of it, Tim, like all my women's retreat.

com.

just simple, pure.

I texted all my friends who were teachers asked if anybody would do it.

We started posting on social media.

And within a month, we had 50 teachers say yes to do a session and over

almost 10, 000 women sign up to do it.

And I share that story because it was so clear.

Sometimes God closes something that's good and we don't know why, but

I had this space then to do this.

And that's where things really began to pivot out of the holiday focus for

me and into, okay, you have this life coach voice, you love teaching the Bible.

How do we, how do we hone that?

How do we really focus in on that?

And so that's where things have really transitioned for me from, from doing

that event into, let's just focus on helping women live exactly where they

are in the life, our life now, thankfully for all of us, four years later, we are

no longer COVID still exists, but our lives are as normal as they'll ever be.

Like

Yeah,

we're still not normal.

Totally.

going on.

And, and one of the things that we often see, and I'm sure you see within

your Bible study, is that many people believe that Jesus would be like the,

the magic pill or the silver bullet.

I get saved and my life just works out perfectly.

I think sometimes the church Promotes that a little bit.

And it's led to this word we hear a lot.

And I think you bring it up in your book, this, this term called self

help, this whole thing that you can take charge of anything that might be

wrong or bad or anything like that.

And you can fix it, correct it, counsel it out, all of that.

That wasn't a negative on counseling.

It's the mindset.

To me, it seems that, but God can is a counter to self help.

Am I right about that?

That was the intention in writing it.

And as I was pitching it to publishers, it is, it is meant

to be not an attack against it.

Because truthfully, as a life coach, as someone who grew up with a mother

earth nature, I do see the value in all of those things that it's not

that it's just all wasted or stupid.

It's that it's, it's hollow, right?

So there is.

Great value on the surface, but then what is it like when life actually hits, right?

Like when kids are in a bad mood and everybody's yelling at each other, when

diagnosis is hit, when relationships fail, when you feel alone, when bank

accounts don't balance, then what?

Because our self help culture is all about your mindset and doing this.

And at a certain point, you can't keep just fake it till you make it.

That's where we're struggling as we're trying to do what the

self help world is teaching us.

And they're not bad principles.

But what the gospel says is on your own you actually can't so stop trying

to feel like you got this you can do anything Just make it happen.

The gospel message is on our own We can't but God can that's why he had to send

his son Jesus to live a perfect life on earth Show us the way and then die for our

sins so that we could all have new life For us as Christians, we have to start

acknowledging, listen, I can't do it all.

I say that to my girls all the time, which is so contrary

to what they hear at school.

I'm sure I've I tell them you can't do it all and you can't be anything.

That's actually really good news.

That takes the pressure off of them.

And I've been saying, but you know what, with God, you can do the very thing

he's called and equipped you to do.

So all those stories we hear about David killing Goliath, he can do

that because he had God behind him.

Our David being the youngest and the smallest, but then becoming King, we can,

he was able to do that because God saw him and chose him and called him out and

anointed him and then led him through all the other things he had accomplished.

So we too, in each of our weaknesses.

God can say, listen, I do have a purpose for you.

I can do things through you even though you are so weak on your own.

You're supposed to be, you're human, but I can do anything with you.

Would you let me, would you let me?

Hmm.

There's a word.

I think it's striving.

Do you have that?

How to stop striving.

Boy, I'm seeing this quite a bit.

And I had this in a conversation that was last week that the listener can go

back and check out with, with a male that would be in a very Alan Morris,

very successful role that he hit a wall at 47 and realized he was trying

to do too much for too many people.

His bio is awesome, all this kind of stuff.

And he had, he got broken down and, and, and had to.

Change things.

Talk about that word, striving, and I'll just throw one more thing in with it.

To me, it seems as if today, because I'm of the age now, I'm straddling

a couple of generations here.

I'm the tail end of baby boomers.

I'm 60 years old and I could remember pre internet, pre 24 7 news.

And I can tell you, we had a couple of things going on, but we did not have as

much going on as we've got going on now.

It seems like Becky, we're trying to do too much.

We're striving and trying to prove something to either God or everybody else.

So anyway, that's my softball for you to talk about striving.

How do we stop striving?

It's hard to say stop striving because so many of

the things we're striving to do are things that we have to do.

So it's not something that, okay, I listened to this podcast and Becky and

Tim, they shared so many great ideas.

I tomorrow's my day.

I'm no longer striving.

This is the long game again, right?

This is the long game again.

And even last year, it's really funny.

As I was editing my book, I was very convicted and there were things in it that

we realized as I was going through it, There's still areas I'm striving, right?

Cause it's constantly a process and a journey.

And there's ways we're training our girls to strive.

So for example, at the time of writing it, all three of my girls were competitive

dancers and Tim, they were great at it.

so good.

And the dance studio was our family and all of that, but it took a lot of money,

a lot of time to be there and to do that.

And we realized as a family, This is our weight.

Like we are striving and we were training our girls to strive.

And I'm not saying competitive sports are bad for other people.

I think all of us have to evaluate year to year, but we were also in the middle

of a season when we felt that conviction.

So we couldn't quit.

Like we were still in it.

And, but we had made the decision.

We weren't going to do it.

But then at the last minute, our girls were like devastated.

This was their family.

This was all they knew.

And so we went ahead and let them audition.

Of course they made it and we were stuck again.

And, three weeks after that, before they did casting the

studio, we had to tell that we've felt that conviction of the Lord.

this is a year we're back in this for a year.

And so we pulled out and we said, listen, I know we are,

yes, we want our yes to be, yes.

We want our commitments to be strong, but at the end of the day,

this is not best for our family.

And it was a hard transition for them because this was their friendship.

This is how they found a lot of work.

It was, gave them a lot of energy.

It took a lot of energy and, it was a change, but our family

is so much freer because of it.

So much for your, because of it.

So that's, that would be one practical example that I would

say, stop striving, isn't something that you can do overnight, right?

That was a journey.

And it also, it also wasn't easy at first.

It was like, Oh no, now we've made a mistake.

And we also can't change our mind for another year, Once we got out of it.

So I would just say, take it to the Lord and ask him, where am I striving that

maybe I can calm down and like for your daughter, it sounds like for her, even

being on Instagram was something that increased that drive to be something she

wasn't, which would have been striving.

And so trust the spirit within you.

We are given this helper.

Ask the Holy Spirit to show you where am I striving and then have

faith enough to try stopping.

And it's as simple as bit right.

We talk about that in the book, taking baby steps and leaps of faith.

Okay.

What's a very practical baby step that you can take.

And your daughter took Instagram off her phone.

Genius.

Now, can she still put it back on her phone?

Could she log on from her computer?

For sure.

But that's a baby step she took to not strive on Instagram anymore.

The thing that I love about what you just said, and I'm going

to ask how it's played out with that practical thing with your daughters.

We had, we had our daughter and our son, and one of the, I don't even know if it

was a rule, but just principles of our family is that you can only have one,

maybe one and a half extracurricular activities, outside of schooling and we

homeschooled most of the time, but there were times that our children went in and

out of a private school or public school.

And I think that helped us.

But our daughter, very similar to your daughter's, she started

doing ballet at a very young age and was really, really good at it.

And at a teenage age, was looking at a pre pro program with the Atlanta Ballet.

Boy, I'm telling you what, if you want to see my head spin and

green stuff come out of my mouth, just start the nutcracker music.

I, oh my goodness gracious, I saw the nutcracker more than I want.

Anyway, sorry, I digress.

a, it's a weird, it's a weird ballet for sure.

It is, and you know what happened with us?

It was very similar.

We were like discussing it as a family.

We felt like that season was over, but we didn't want to be bad stewards as parents.

And she went on a trip.

As an almost pre pro with the pros, I think Asheville, North

Carolina, this was Atlanta ballet.

And you know what?

When she came back, we've been praying about it.

We've been saying, Lord, what do we need to do about this?

It doesn't feel right.

She came back and she says, I'm finished with ballet.

And we said, why?

She goes, I don't want to keep going down that path.

I don't want the next steps of them dieting and they're smoking to keep their

weight off and they're compromising and their bodies are very, and you know what

we said, how will you praise the Lord?

So part of it is.

But God can trusting in God.

So has everything been okay with the girls with that practical

decision that's been made?

I would say at first it wasn't okay.

Like at first they were very alone.

They They were no longer with their friends and not even cause

their friends left them out.

It's because their friends were still at the studio 20 hours a week and

they just practically weren't there.

and they were like, they were bored again, which I loved because I was

like, my kids have not been bored in years and they wrestled with what,

what, what does boredom look like?

How are we bored?

And, but now what I.

Eight months later was zero.

They have zero, we had zero regrets pretty early on.

And I would say they are all on board with it now and thriving in different ways.

My oldest is just made the cheer team at her school and she made it easily because

of the training she'd had in dance.

She had so many of those skills and now she has all these friends at

school, which she didn't have time to have friends at school before,

because she left early for dancing.

Her bestest life friends were at the studio.

my middle daughter has struggled the most as a fifth grader because she can't,

there's not activities at school yet.

but even that I've seen a lack of drama in her life and her.

Figuring out who she is and making new friendships.

And, there's so much personal growth she has had that she

won't be able to appreciate yet.

But I think in the next couple of years, she will be very grateful for.

And then my youngest man, it's been really fun just to see her be

like a normal elementary school kid who has play dates after school.

She's.

She, you would love her too, because she is just like a little entrepreneur.

She has started her and one of her best friends have been selling bracelets

on the curb of our neighborhood.

Like that at the entrance of our neighborhood that they would make

and the business slowed down.

So they've started, we went to Costco and now they have a snack

shop and they sell their bracelets.

They made 38 on their first day at the curb and only spent 28 at Costco.

So like they're already.

She would have never done that had she been at the dance

studio five hours that day.

And so there are things like that, that we're seeing and that they're

starting to see of, okay, this was a win, but it was hard at first.

And for all of us changing, going from just staying on that hamster wheel,

but then saying, I'm going to stop the striving and God, I'm going to go to

you and I'm going to live purposefully.

And I'm going to find abundance, which is so different than what America teaches.

When we do that, when we say yes to God in those capacities, while

it takes time, there is this fruitfulness that comes from it.

That's the abundance, right?

So yes, she made 38, but what she got out of that was she was rejected by a hundred

cars that drove by and didn't stop.

And she kept cheering and trying to flag cars down.

There were, so there's all these things she's learned that were wins.

And what I've learned is.

Man, trust the spirit in you.

I doubted it at first, which is why I let them try out.

And I learned, no, Becky, when you send something, you can listen to

that spirit, the spirit within you and trust it because it's right.

It's good.

And it will be okay.

Even if it's going to be hard.

The cool thing about that is, is I believe I know I've

been guilty of this, that I could get so busy doing quote unquote good

things that there's no room for God.

To jump in.

I love the selling bracelet story.

We're in an RV resort near Sedona, Arizona right now.

And I go out and I'll listen to podcasts.

I might've been even listening to yours and I'm doing my walking and I go by this

little table beside an RV and there are three girls sitting there and I don't.

My wife doesn't let me have cash because of situations just like this.

And, and so I look at them and they've got bracelets and some

things that they've made, and I don't even know what a lot of it is.

And so I come hustling back to the RV and I said, glory, glory, glory, get some

cash, we got to go out because there's some girls up here selling some stuff

and I could tell they weren't getting a lot of traffic here within the RV resort.

There's only 400 spots here.

So we went back up there and, and I told the girls I may come back with my wife.

And when they saw me come in, I could tell they were a little bit excited.

And then we went up there and my wife only had twenties and she

was just looking and all of that.

And if it were to have been me, I would have given them a 20 and

gotten a couple of bracelets.

But she says, Hey, we need to go up to the office.

We're going to get changed.

And when we turned the corner, coming back from the office,

they were doing the dance.

They were like going here, they come.

And It's you know what, man, I love that stuff.

I love that, that your girl's got that.

That's valuable training them up in the way that they should go.

Becky, but God can this book.

I'm going to allow you at some time here, speak directly to whoever

this book is for and let them know that they need to get the book.

And then you could tell where they could find it.

But first let, let the person know who should get it.

Okay.

You know who they are.

Yeah.

For anyone who is listening, if you are a female, I would say if

you've resonated with anything that we've talked about today, if

you've resonated with the fact that.

You feel like you're striving.

You're on that hamster wheel.

You don't know what your purpose is.

You feel overwhelmed by the pressures, both within culture and within the church.

And you need like that oxygen mask that the plane talks about,

putting it on yourself so that you can breathe free again.

But God can is for you.

It's very, very practical where I coach you through each chapter.

There's activities, there's questions to process, there's challenges.

It's meant to feel like a coaching session where you have someone really

guiding you through it for the men listening, which I know there's more

men likely, hopefully still listening than women even is, I would say for

you, this is, you're probably not going to grab this hot pink book.

And I, I would say that's probably a smart decision, but you know what

you have women in your life who want to be seen, who want to be heard.

And so what a beautiful gift it would be for you to buy this and then attach

a card to it that says, I see you.

I see how hard you're working in your area of life.

And I, I want to let you know, I believe in you.

I know you feel overwhelmed by motherhood, but God can still use you in this moment.

Or I know you feel lonely in this new emptiness or season of your life,

but God still has a purpose for you.

So I would challenge every man listening to grab a copy of this.

On whatever is your preferred place to purchase products from and send it to

all the significant women in your life and sit and let speak that affirmation

over them that they need to hear.

you asked where you can purchase this anywhere you buy books

online, the book is sold.

So if you shop at Amazon or target or Barnes and Noble or Walmart, whatever.

com the book is there.

So buy it.

For yourself, send it to your friends.

and then you can go to Becky Kaiser.

com.

I have a page dedicated to the book that has all kinds of free resources

to download, to go along with it.

I'll be doing some bonus teaching there, have some extra downloadables for people.

And then I hang out the most on Instagram, which we've

talked about quite a bit today.

And I'm at Becky Kaiser K I S E R.

And you'll find links to my site and the book and all of that on the page.

And that would be the best place for us to connect in the DMs and

the comments on posts that I have.

Excellent.

And at the time this episode is releasing, it's the book is released

and you, unfortunately men, you have missed mother's day, but it would have

been a great mother's day gift to give.

So be thinking about that.

Don't let any of the other

You know what women like even more than a mother's day gift.

We like a just because gift.

So instead of just giving it to her on a day that you're supposed

to give her something, just get it for her just cause you love her.

good sales there, especially for someone like me.

wife who her love language is gifts.

She let not G I F S but G I F T S she loves getting gifts.

So thank you, Becky.

What a great conversation.

We could continue speaking, but we're seek go create those three words.

Choose one.

Just don't ever think it, that means more to you.

Seek, go or create.

My last question, which one do you choose and why?

I'm going to go with create.

Typically I'm a goer, but I'm going to go with create.

Cause right now I'm in a very creative space of we're doing a lot

of updates and changes to our house.

So I'm getting to get my hands dirty with paints and yard work.

And, and then also with ministry and business and my next writing projects,

just getting to really create.

Open handedly go to the Lord and ask what's next for this.

So I feel very in a creative mind space right now.

Very good.

Create.

Love it.

Love it.

Love it.

Becky.

Thanks so much for this conversation.

I highly encourage anyone listening to get, but God.

Can, and I love the subtitle, how to stop striving and live

purposefully and abundantly.

I love that.

So make sure you check that out.

Jump over to hearers and doers.

Also, if you're on a podcast platform right now, jump over there

and listen in with the with all that Becky's got going over there.

Great resource there also, unlike here where we've got 60 plus minute episodes.

She's got a few that are seven and 10 and 11 minutes long, which you

could get a number of those in when you're out walking for an hour.

So I have, I appreciate that someone in the world can be brief

and to the point, but anyway.

I appreciate you listening in here at SeatGo Create.

We've got new episodes on YouTube and on all your podcast platforms every Monday.

I appreciate you greatly listening in sharing and commenting and also rating

and reviewing us until next time continue being all that you were created to be.