Hey, I am Justin Sunseri.

Welcome to Stuck Not Broken.

For regular listeners, this episode will incorporate another passion of

mine outside of, but connected to mental health and the nervous system, and that is

philosophy, particularly Stoic philosophy.

This metaphor I'll discuss might help illustrate topics that

you're already familiar with if you're a regular listener.

For new listeners who are into Stoicism, you'll be familiar with the concepts

already, but I want to challenge how you think about them and also maybe

what you do with that information.

I was reading through Discourses by Epictetus.

I have a little morning ritual where I, I read a little bit of that, um, and

this quote in particular really hit me.

Uh, I read it a few times and I thought it was worth discussing here.

So here it is.

Such as is a dish of water, such is the soul.

Such as is the ray of light, which falls on the water, such are the appearances.

When the water is moved, the ray also seems to be moved, yet it is not moved.

Alright, so, so what is Epictetus actually saying?

There are three pieces of this, three main pieces of this.

That I would like to focus on.

The quote continues, but I think we have enough to work with right here.

So those are water, light and appearances.

Those are the three pieces.

So the first element of the metaphor is water.

Water is your soul for the stoics.

The soul is not some immaterial thing floating around within your physical body.

It's the ground of your consciousness, your your capacity

to perceive, to reason, to choose.

In their language, it's the hegemonikon, the ruling faculty.

It's what makes you uniquely you, and it's what makes humans human

different and unique from other animals.

The second piece of the metaphor is the light or reality itself.

The external world events, other people, the way things actually are

independent of how you are experiencing them or what you think of them.

Events unfold, people act, um, the world keeps on spinning.

The fundamental nature of reality, the order that governs how things

work remains constant and objective.

That's the light.

The third element of the metaphor is the appearances.

Uh, I didn't really find a great singular definition of appearances.

It all kind of deals with the in the same realm.

So I'll use my own understanding based on my readings, and I'm gonna leave out

the piece about Assenting to appearances.

For those who are familiar with Stoicism.

I'm pretty much leaving that out of it for our discussion here.

In Stoic terms, appearances are your immediate impressions of reality from

the initial, uh, sensory input to a cognition about it or a, a thing in

the brain to an emotion about it.

Appearances are the rapid and conscious experiences that take place between input

and behavior that you don't control, but you can notice those are the appearances.

As an example, let's say that you've ordered a coffee from your favorite cafe.

You've been waiting all day, um, you've been waiting to get outta

work, and you've finally have the chance to have your desired beverage.

You take the first sip of it anticipating its assured deliciousness,

but by golly it is the wrong one.

Your consciousness will receive the sensory input of the wrong coffee.

Maybe it's, maybe it's a plain black coffee, which is what I prefer.

And you were expecting a sugary one, which is okay every now and then, but

plain black is a way to go typically.

So the sensory input hits, and then you probably have a

physical reaction, like disgust.

You've been waiting all day, so you also feel the emotion of frustration.

The words, " darn it," with an exclamation mark, pop into your brain.

All of these are appearances: the taste, the disgust reaction, the

emotion, and the words in your brain.

How you use this information to inform your behavior and whether

or not the appearances spiral into other emotions is another matter.

So let's bring this all back to the original metaphor.

Epictetus says, Such as is a dish of water, such is the soul.

Such as is the ray of light, which falls on the water, such are the appearances.

"Soul" for Epictetus meant your capacity to consciously choose,

but your capacity to choose is not exactly something that you choose.

You don't choose your capacity to choose, right?

Something else influences your capacity to choose and no, it is not your mindset.

It's not your will.

Your capacity to choose is determined, uh, in like physiological terms by the

state of your autonomic nervous system.

If your system is in a state of defense, your capacity to choose or to consciously

choose a Stoically virtuous behavior, for example, is significantly diminished.

That is if you are in a state of like flight, fight, shut down, or freeze,

you're less likely to choose a virtuous behavior than if you were, than if

your body was in a state of safety where you have more flexibility to

notice an appearance, pause and hold it, then use logic to process it,

and then choose a virtuous behavior.

The autonomic states that I listed- uh, flight, fight, freeze, and shutdown- these

aren't just emotions or a way of thinking.

They are physiological states of the body linked to the sympathetic

and parasympathetic branches of the autonomic nervous system.

So when Epictetus says, "Such as is a dish of water, such is the,

so is the soul." Uh, we can reword this too, Such as is a dish of

water, such is the autonomic state.

The dish of water is the metaphor for the autonomic state.

Ideally, the dish of water is calm and still.

Ideally, the autonomic states is calm and still.

Or at least well-regulated and flexible.

Not rigid, not frozen in fear, but capable of, uh, of meeting

reality with with openness.

The second part of the metaphor concerns light and appearances.

He says, "Such as is the ray of light, which falls in the water, such are

the appearances." The lay of the, the ray of light is objective reality.

That's, that's easy enough, right?

Appearances are the conscious initial experiences of objective reality.

They are a result of reality.

In the stoic view, they are- they follow sensory input from reality,

but we need to pause here and understand how reality and the

conscious initial experiences interact.

We need to spend more time on the connection between light and the water.

Appearances- the initial impressions of reality don't exist on their own.

They are triggered by events from the external world.

Yeah, that that is true.

But appearances come through the body's autonomic state.

The autonomic state acts as a filter through which the sensory

experiences passed- or pass.

So it's not just sensory input, then conscious experience of that input.

It's deeper than that.

It's sensory input into the, uh, autonomic state, which filters the input,

then produces the conscious output.

The body's autonomic state could be a result of the present moment.

Sure.

But usually, and especially for us humans, it's also a result of the past.

The past context of our lives shape, our nervous systems, limiting or expanding

our potential responses to the internal appearances triggered by external reality.

Person A might have a baseline of safety in their system, so they live

with more patience and can make a stoic, uh, virtuous logical decision.

Person.

A, when they receive the wrong coffee will take this as an opportunity to

calmly respond and resolve the situation.

They will notice any initial appearances of frustration, maybe contain them,

process how they want to respond.

Thank fortune for providing the opportunity for growth and

then resolve the situation.

But person B might have more, let's say, shutdown chronically in their system.

This person, person B, their autonomic state is primed for collapsing and

feigning death or playing dead.

And so in our coffee example.

They're more likely to shrink away and to not say anything, and

they'll use the coffee incident to like secretly shame themselves for

being too small or being too weak.

So I gave an example of person A and person B- I gave an example of

two different people, but person A who reacts more stoically could

easily be person B on a bad day.

Or maybe they used to B person B years ago, and were able to get unstuck and

become person A or maybe person A becomes person B after an extreme life event

brings them into that shut down state.

Our nervous systems are elastic.

They adapt based on the needs of survival.

Your body's ability to self-regulate today is not the same as it was in the past, and

it will likely be different in the future.

And sadly, our nervous systems can get stuck in a defensive state of

flight, fight, shutdown, or freeze.

Typically, our bodies are never truly at a calm baseline.

We are constantly bombarded by stimuli, reality stimuli, plus our past affects us.

Plus we have bills to pay and work is tomorrow and the kids don't

or won't get along, and we have judgements about all these things.

So, we can reword this part of the metaphor as Such as reality

affects autonomic state and is filtered through autonomic state,

such are conscious experiences.

Epictetus continues "When the water's moved, the ray also seems

to be moved, yet it is not moved." The light- reality- doesn't change.

The external world does not change.

The water changes, and because the water changes, the appearances change even

though the light remains constant because one's autonomic state is always changing.

The- the water is never really quite still.

It's possible to have that stillness, yes.

But typically one is not in a state of stillness day to day.

And so, every input that comes in through your senses passes through your

autonomic state, which always has some level of defense in it, and you know,

different person to person of course.

So let's talk about what to do about this.

The light moving on the surface of the water is not caused by the light

itself or the appearing to, to move.

It's caused by the movement of the water itself, right?

Does the external world have issues?

Of course, it definitely does.

Major ones even.

But there are probably things in your daily life that dysregulate you like

getting the wrong coffee or somebody at work, um, not doing their job.

That does not, those things don't need the, that level of dysregulation.

Stoics train to notice the appearances and to pause before reacting.

Something happens.

They have a bodily reaction to it, an appearance.

They catch and contain it.

They reflect on what to do with it using cognitive tools, and then

they enact the logical response.

I think that when people first encounter Stoic practice, they often treat it

as a technique or a mindset, or like as if pure willpower and logic can

override what's happening in their nervous system through mindset or will.

If this sounds difficult to you, it's because it is, it requires

lots of restraints and lots of noticing what is happening

within you in the present moment.

Although stoicism is primarily known as a cognitive philosophy and it really,

even as a form of psychology- it blends easily into cognitive behavioral

therapy- uh, it demands an incredible amount of present moments, mindfulness.

So this is great if you can be this present, momently aware and have this

much restraint and think logically through an appearance and enact a

logically chosen behavior, which of course is in alignment with nature.

But there might be an easier way, or maybe a deeper way, a more sustainable way.

The problem with how many people approach Stoic practice is that they

view the moment of tasting coffee in our example as a single point in time.

And yeah, it is a single point in time, but they view that one moment as

isolated from all the previous ones.

They view your capacity to react as if it were coming from a baseline.

That seems to reset with every moment.

As if you're starting fresh, but that is not how it works.

This current moment that we're sharing or that you're having is obviously

influenced by the previous ones as reflected in your autonomic state.

Your state's not random.

It's the normal and expected result of your life context.

It's shaped by what happened last week, what happened last year,

what happened in your childhood.

Of course.

The water doesn't exactly reset.

It carries the memory of all the waves before it.

It's the autonomic state that the external world is filtered through, and

not just the present autonomic state, but the compilation of previous moments

leading to the current autonomic state.

The solution then is, is not to control the outside world.

It's not to white knuckle your way through life.

With iron discipline either, but to calm your autonomic state.

Once you do that, the appearances caused by reality will be much less intense.

You'll be better able to notice them, to let them be, to think through them

and to make, uh, a better decision.

Understanding your autonomic state and studying Stoicism

have a really nice intersection.

They are not mutually exclusive at all, I don't think.

Understanding your state sheds light on potential frustrations that you have with

your stoic practices if you're trying to implement these very cognitive practices.

It explains why someday- or understanding your state explains

why some days the practices flow and other days it feels like maybe

you're fighting against yourself.

Stoicism does not deny emotions.

Stoicism doesn't teach you how to repress your emotions either.

That's not my reading of it.

Your emotions are real just as the external world is real as well.

But Stoicism does encourage you to focus on what you can control.

You can't change your nervous system state through wishing or willing.

I'm sure you've tried.

But you can connect with it- your nervous system state- in the present moment.

You can spend time with it.

You can become more curious about your inner world and your responses to it.

You can't control what happens.

You can't control other people.

You can't even control external events, but you can- over time with

practice- learn to settle your own internal state so that you can perceive

clearly and respond more wisely.

This is the heart of Stoic freedom, not freedom from the world, but

freedom and how you meet the world.

In my one-on-one therapy and coaching work with clients.

I always save problem solving and homework assignments until the end of the session.

"Why do you do this, Justin?" Because at the beginning and in

the middle of the session, we are reviewing, uh, previous homework.

We are processing what went well, what did not go well over

the past, you know, week or so.

But, uh, we're also intentionally and mindfully connecting

with the present moment.

Um, with the experience of safety in the present moment.

After we connect with the present, we- and with safety- we intentionally connect with

defensive activation, but not by itself.

We, we connect with defensive activation and balance it with safety.

The present moment connection can lead us to balancing defense.

Once the body is in a balanced state, then problem solving becomes much easier.

More clear, more compassionate and empathetic for the

self and for for others.

This is the practice of settling the water.

Okay, so, "How the heck do I do that, Justin? How do I do

that in my real daily life?"

It's harder for sure outside of, you know, one-on-one work, but there are a few

simple things you can do starting today that don't require much time or effort

and are pretty darn realistic for anybody.

You can practice simple mindfulness every- that's number one practice

simple mindfulness every day.

Notice what your senses are telling you.

I don't mean count objects in the room to decrease your anxiety.

I mean, use one of your senses intentionally.

With as much focus as you can.

So when you drink your tea, really taste it, and on the next sip really

feel the warmth through your body.

Just focus on one thing at a time.

Simple mindfulness practices bring a bit of safety uh, into your autonomic state

as you connect with the present moment.

In other words, you're focusing on your experience of external reality,

but choosing to do so in small doses when you have the most capacity for

it, not when you're spiraling anxiety.

After you practice number two, after you practice simple mindfulness,

notice how that one intentional act affects your next breath.

Don't control your breath.

There's no need to do so.

Your body knows how to breathe, so let it stop getting in the way.

Just mindfully connect with the next in and out natural rhythm of your breath.

Number three, after you practice simple mindfulness, after you connect with your

breath, honestly, acknowledge the pains that you're carrying around with you.

So sip the tea.

Notice its warmth.

And then check your in and out breath.

Then acknowledge your lingering sadness maybe.

And then repeat.

We're not trying to force ourselves to be calm or virtuous.

We're not trying to pretend things don't matter.

We're not, we are doing the slower, the deeper work of building the capacity to

meet reality as it actually is without denying the truths of our inner pains.

You and I can make progress on that together, and the next person listening

to this episode can do so, too.

So imagine how much could change if each of us embraced our potential to steady

our own water and imagine what would happen if we worked together on steadying

each other's waters, uh, in parallel.

This is of course, exactly what we're doing inside of

the Unstuck Academy every day.

But maybe you're not there yet.

Maybe you're not ready to commit to learning and practicing, and you need

to spend more time with these, these ideas or these easier skills like

simple mindfulness or, uh, maybe you just don't have the funds for it yet.

That, that, that's totally understandable.

So if you want to spend more time with me, but you don't know where

to start, I created the perfect page on my website for you.

It lists all the options for working with me at various levels

and at all price points as well.

From free resources to free mindfulness practice get togethers to the Untucking

Academy to coaching, it's all there.

Go to stuck not broken.com/start.

The link is in the description, stuck not broken.com/start to see

all the options at every price point.

Thank you so much for joining me on Stuck Not Broken.

Bye.