Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

on this beautiful journey called life. I'm so happy to be

spending some time with you. And so happy to reflect about the

Yeah, more juicy topics with you. And when it comes to

relationships, having a growth mindset, wanting to move on

wanting to heal, and just trying to be a detective. When it comes

to your purpose, when it comes to all the big questions, hey,

what am I meant to do here on planet Earth? Who am I meant to

be with? What job am I meant to engage in? What lessons am I

supposed to learn, if you have that little itch inside of you,

and you want to move on, you want to heal. You want to

improve your relationships, you want to be more productive, you

want to be a more successful entrepreneur, but you feel

you're lacking resources you're lacking tools, then, please

don't hesitate to reach out to me. And we can figure out how I

could help you on your journey to get you on a path where you

can get closer to your dreams and to your goals where you can

improve your relationships and feel more fulfilled. Overall,

checkout arrived@coaching.com and find what suits you or just

jump on a call with me. And we can explore together how I could

help you. Today, I want to talk to you about abandonment issues.

And I chose to tell you a little story to not just Yeah, talk

about what abandonment issues are and how they could look

like. But this is a real, real life story that happened

approximately seven years ago. And I feel the need to share

this with you because maybe you are not aware of your patterns,

maybe you are not aware that you tend to slip into a pattern that

is really not healthy for you and for the people around you.

Or maybe you experienced that. Similar, like a similar story

that I'm about to share with you with a personal and your life

before or right now in this moment. And I'm hoping to raise

awareness when it comes to abandonment issues and to have

people more clear about their patterns, once they slide into

victim mentality once they start to behave from a place of pain

and stead of love. Because it is very important to observe these

patterns. When you feel the need to improve your relationships.

You will look at yourself and realize, hmm, I'm actually doing

something similar and I tend to feel like a victim then it is

time for you to grow. If you realize that you have struggled

with abandonment issues in the past and still to this day.

There is ways for you to get out of this misery of the vicious

circle of being a victim attacking others manipulating

situations and then again being a victim. It's not a pleasant

state to be in. And when I realized that I was doing that I

just I felt really horrible about myself because it's, it's

not a good place to be in but to be unaware of it. And doing this

to yourself and the people around you is even worse. All

right Long Story Short. I'm going to dive right into it. It

is As I said, seven years ago, I

had moved to a new country, Canada, and was living in a new

city. I started going to acquire. So every week, we were

getting together and singing together with a group of people.

And I really started enjoying this practice. My mom came for a

visit. My mom at that time, I had a new boyfriend. And I

didn't really know him yet, but I could sense that they get

along well, and she's happy. I go to the choir. And shortly

before practice, I tell my mom that it would mean a lot to me

if she was to join and see us sing. So practice goes until

seven, why don't you come at 645 or 630, even and then you can

listen to the beautiful music. So I go to my practice, there

was a o'clock in the in that split in a place where we

practice singing. And I see the clock hitting 645 nobody shows

up. Seven o'clock. All right. I was so disappointed. I had a

weird day already. And I just said, Hey, it is not much that I

asked for. I just want my mom to be there for the practice, and

she can't even show up. I look I'm on my phone and see that

there is a message from her boyfriend. And I open it up and

it says all good. We're having fun. So what I made of this was

that my mom choose to spend time with her boyfriend over choosing

to spend time with me listening to my music. It doesn't really

matter. I felt abandoned. She didn't show up for me. She made

another person more important than me. I drove home. And as I

came home I had five missed calls from my mom on my phone.

And I thought she, she's probably you know, she wants to

apologize. She wants to make it up to me. Maybe she wants to

take me out for dinner. But fuck this. I don't want anything to

do with her. I'm so incredibly mad. I don't want to hear any of

these weird excuses. And yeah, I'm done with it. So I got home

when to my bedroom, locked myself into my bedroom and was

just hoping to fall asleep. And to wake up the next morning very

early to then having to go back to college. In the meantime,

it's 1030 at night, and I hear the door opening of the

apartment. And clearly it's my mom and her boyfriend. And I was

not asleep. So I was kind of trying to listen what they were

saying and then it knocks on my door and I don't react and then

she opens my door and and says Hey, like you didn't answer my

cause. Are you okay? And I just looked at her and I was like

yeah, I guess I'm okay. I mean I'm here I'm in my bed and I'm

alright. What's what's going on with You. And then she tells me

that on her way to come see me singing. Her car broke down. No,

actually,

it was not her car breaking. Breaking down, she hit a deer.

So she had an accident with a deer. And her boyfriend

messaging me, hey, everything is okay, we're having fun was to in

a weird way appease me. So he said, Oh, okay, your mom is not

going to show up at your practice, I'm going to shoot

your message so that you don't worry, what I made of it,

because I saw it from a perspective of pain is that she

is choosing me, him over me. What happened and reality is

that my mother had an accident, they were trying to reach me, I

could have helped. But I chose to sit in my pain and to

completely shut myself off from the world, and to keep sitting

in my pain. Now, thank God, nothing happened to my mom, the

car was severely damaged. And it was a whole shitshow of her

trying to come back home. She was relying on other people,

like strangers to help her out. And she was very, very lucky in

a shady situation. And all along, I was sitting at home in

pain. not reacting to her calls. And I tell you here, I mean, you

could have guessed it maybe already. But this is one of the

stories that I'm most ashamed of. I'm so ashamed. And I'm so

glad. And I'm so lucky that nothing happened to my mom,

because the regrets I would have, up until today and into my

future of not being there for my mom when she had an accident

would have eat me up from the inside. So what happened is that

somewhere in my childhood, I must have felt similar. So I

have a younger brother. And maybe when he was born, and then

this cute little boy. Growing up, I felt replaced, I felt I

needed to share my mom with him now. He became a successful

hockey player. I played hockey as well, but not as good. So

everybody was always interested in his career and his goals and

successes. And when it came to my hockey practice, practice, of

course, nobody was really interested because we were not

successful. And I was engaging in a sport and a hobby that was

not in alignment with my soul callings. So to say, right, and

my brother was successful with his hockey because he pursued

something that made him a better person that gave him joy. So I

felt I was in the shadow of my brother, I felt that my mom

picked him over me when it comes to activities. Fast forward into

the future, a similar situation arises, right? I'm engaging in a

new hobby. And now I'm hoping my mom is going to be there for me

and proud of me and am I doing the right thing to go to the

choir and I can get to be proud of me now. Please don't forget I

was 29 years old. It doesn't matter how old you are. There

will always be a little wounded child inside of you. And this

little wounded child that is sitting in pain will make you do

things that are weird and sometimes even dangerous. And

that's what my point is here today that we need to become

brutally aware of these patterns because in my case, again, I was

so lucky that nothing worse happened. And I'm working on

letting go of this shame. I'm working on letting go of my

abandonment issues. And

I'm, I'm slowly getting there, I'm getting better. I'm giving

people the benefit of the doubt I asked questions. I'm curious.

I don't make assumptions anymore. But back then I didn't

know better, but to crawl back into my pain, and to lay in

fetal position and pity myself at home. And that's just so, so

horrible. So I'm gonna let that sink in my dear friend and

listener. And, yeah, if there's any feedback, if you want to

open up to me about abandonment issues that you can, you know,

put a finger on, it's very tough because sometimes you can't

really put a finger on because you don't know what happened in

people's past. But if you feel that you have struggled with

abandonment issues, or you know, somebody, make sure to share

this episode and to make them feel less alone and to let them

know that there is a way out. You can feel empowered, again.

People are more forgiving than we usually expect. You can open

up that can of worms and talk to people and apologize to people.

And then work on yourself and rid yourself of this extremely

dangerous victim mentality. All right, I'm gonna leave you with

that with lots of love and care and deep respect for your growth

mindset. Because chances are if you listen to my podcast, that

you are a warrior, a goddess that you want to become your

best version, and that you want to rise above the pain that you

went through instead of living as a victim and hurting other

people. So thank you so much for being here. I deeply appreciate

each one of you. And I will be out there very soon again.