Speaker: 00:00:00

We only resent things in other people

that remind us of things inside ourselves

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that we're ashamed of and that

we're really dissociating from.

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And we're too proud to admit we do it,

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but we actually do what

we condemn in them.

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In all probability you've

met people who repeatedly

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attract events in their life and it seems

like they just keep repeating the same

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thing and recycling, kind of

like history repeating itself,

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but individualized now.

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My topic today is on how whatever

you condemn, you tend to breed,

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attract and become.

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So I'd like to address that and you

might want to take some notes on this

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because it'll stretch your mind a bit.

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When you are not living

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in accordance with what you value most

and not really filling your day with the

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highest priority actions,

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and you feel that you've

been bombarded by unexpecteds

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and you are down in your

amygdala, reacting and surviving,

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you tend to be more polarized

in your expectations and

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experiences. And what does that

mean? That means the amygdala,

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which is a subcortical area of the brain,

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tends to want to seek prey and avoid

predators. Seek pleasure, avoid pain,

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seek ease, avoid difficulty,

seek support, avoid challenge.

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It tends to divide a magnet into

half and try to get one-sided

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magnets. But in reality,

life has both sides.

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<Laugh>,

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it's like trying to get in a relationship

that has more support and support

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without challenge or kind without

cruel or nice without mean,

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not going to happen.

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You're going to have both in a

relationship and the longer you're in a

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relationship more you get to

comprehend that. So we tend to,

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when we're not living by priority and

we're not more objective and we're not

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more balanced and resilient,

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we tend to polarize our perspective

and seek a one-sided experience.

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And we want to avoid the other side.

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So we're caught in a seeking

and avoiding animal behavior,

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a survival behavior,

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instead of an objective embracing of

the two sides of life in the pursuit of

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something meaningful, which is a mean

between these pairs of opposites.

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So anytime we're seeking out a one sided

and trying to avoid the other side,

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because life has a magnet, two sides,

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we attract into our life the complementary

opposite of whatever we're seeking.

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That's why you probably

heard the statement;

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similars attract and so

do opposites attract.

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Because you're seeking that

which is similar to you,

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but you're also attracting that which

is opposite to you, keep you balanced.

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You maximally grow at the

border of support and challenge.

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So the more you try to get supported and

the more you tend to become dependent

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on that support, the more you attract

the challengers to break the dependency.

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So you attract into your life the opposite

of what you're seeking in addition to

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what you're seeking, you're seeking

that what you're striving for,

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but you're also attracting the opposite.

So you're seeking a nice person,

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you get somebody that's

also mean at times. <Laugh>,

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You seek something that's pleasureful

but it now has a set of challenges with

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it. Anything you desire that you assume

is going to give you more advantage than

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disadvantage, by the time

you actually obtain it,

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you find out there's disadvantages

that came with it. Spandrels,

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as they sometimes call them,

unexpected things that come.

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But they're actually predictable,

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but they're unexpected if you're blinded

living in the amygdala trying to get a

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one-sided world and subjectively having

a confirmation bias on the positives and

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a disconfirmation bias on the negatives,

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we're deleting out the negatives

and then smacked by them.

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So whatever we seek,

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we attract also in addition to that

which we're seeking the opposite,

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it comes a pair, like

a magnet. And <laugh>,

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you also breed what you condemn.

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So if you're trying to get rid of it

and condemn half of it and seek the only

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side, whatever you condemn, you attract.

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But also just like in a relationship, if

you're infatuated with a certain trait,

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you typically make love with somebody

during a time you're infatuated and during

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the time you resent them, you don't

have love making as much. When you do,

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you tend to epigenetically code the

offspring, in case you have children,

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with the behaviors that you're trying

to avoid. That's why you see your,

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when your teenagers get

to be a certain age,

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you say 'you're just like your father',

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'you're just like your mother,' because

the very thing that you infatuate with

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them has the opposite with

it, that comes with it,

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and then you're wanting one because

you're seeking it and you're wanting to

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avoid the other and so that annoys you

and so you're actually creating and

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breeding epigenetically the expression

of the trait that you're trying to avoid.

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And that teaches you automatically to

make sure that you learn to love all

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parts. You're there to love both

sides of people and not just one side.

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If you're in a relationship and all

you're wanting to do is get one side and

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you're not embracing both sides,

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you're not going to be able

to love the individual.

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You're trying to get rid of half of them

just like trying to get rid of half of

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you, it's going to be futile. But

if you love both sides of them,

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the things you like and dislike, the

support and challenge, the nice and mean,

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the positive and negative, whatever

about them, the peace and war,

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then you can love them for who they are.

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So anytime you're making love with

them during the infatuation phase of

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relationship,

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you're epigenetically coding the

genetics of the children to express

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the trait that you're trying to avoid,

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and the thing you're blind to

when you're infatuated. See,

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when you're infatuated with somebody,

you're blind to the downsides.

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When you're resentful,

you're blind to the upsides.

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So when you're infatuated making love,

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the parts that you're blind to are

epigenetically coded into the equation to

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make sure that they surface,

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to teach you how to love those parts

of the individual you love, both sides,

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and the children. And that's why the

parts that you are infatuated with,

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they come with the parts you resent and

then when they surface you say, well,

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you're just like your mom,

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you're just like the parts

I don't like about your mom.

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Or you're just like the parts I

don't like about your dad <laugh>.

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So you'll automatically

breed epigenetically the

coded components that you're

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trying to avoid in a relationship

to teach you that you can't avoid,

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you can only embrace the two

sides of life. When you're mature,

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you embrace both sides of life.

You're in your executive center.

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That's why when you're living

by priority and your blood,

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glucose and oxygen goes

into the executive center,

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you're able to handle both sides and

have a realistic expectation that people

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are going to be both sided. But

when you're in your amygdala,

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because of the subjective biases,

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it automatically assumes it's trying

to avoid a predator and seek a prey,

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avoid challenge, seek ease,

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and it's going to look for a one-sided

world and then the other side's going to

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smack it. So it's going to

attract what it's condemning,

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it's going to breed what it's condemning,

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and <laugh> you breed attract

or become. And you discover,

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as I teach in the Breakthrough

Experience, 35 years almost,

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that whatever you condemn in other people,

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you're pointing your finger at yourself.

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So what happens is you go around and

you, as it says in Romans 2-1, it says,

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when you condemn somebody,

beware for judging them,

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for whatever you judge them for, you

got three fingers pointing back at you,

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you do the same thing.

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We only resent things in other people

that remind us of things inside ourselves

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that we're ashamed of and that

we're really dissociating from.

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And we're too proud to admit we do it,

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but we actually do what

we condemn in them.

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So what happens is whatever we repress

in our life and try to pretend like we

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don't have that we see in other

people that we don't like and condemn,

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we automatically eventually that

repression and that coverup with that

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pride,

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eventually has that repression express

itself and we become the very thing that

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we condemn.

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We're seeing that right now in the

Middle East conflicts that are going on

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<laugh>,

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each country or each group of people are

trying to condemn the other person for

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their behaviors and they're doing the

very same behaviors that the people

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condemned. So I'm a firm believer

that whatever you condemn, you breed,

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attract and become to try to teach you

how to love the parts that you've not

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been able to love before.

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And to teach you that life has two sides

and striving to get a one-sided life is

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futile.

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One of the biggest reasons for depression

is the comparison of your current

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reality to a fantasy

that you're striving for.

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You're fantasizing that somehow

you're going to get a one-sided world,

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more nice than mean, more positive

than negative, more kind than cruel,

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more peace than more, more support than

challenge, more giving than taking,

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more generous than stingy, more

considerate than inconsiderate,

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more white than black, more

whatever, positive than negative,

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not going to happen. Everything in

the world is a unity of opposites.

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Heraclitus, the Greek philosopher

wrote about this <laugh> 500 BC or so.

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He basically said that there's a unity

of opposites and whatever you have,

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there's the opposite.

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It's kind of like a yin yang Chinese

philosophy or a Daoist philosophy.

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So instead of sitting there

trying to get a one-sided world,

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the reason why we breed,

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attract and become whatever we condemn

is to teach us how to love both

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sides of life. And therefore that

what we try to run away from,

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we keep running into.

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And what's interesting is if we strive

for that which is only one side,

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this infatuated side and the other

side smacks us, we have distress,

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and we create symptoms that causes

an entropic destruction of our body

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to let us know that we're actually not

living with a balanced orientation.

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As Pythagoras said in his

times, if we balance our mind,

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we balance our body and we have healing.

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But as long as we're striving

for a one-sided world,

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the other side's going to have to

bring us in to balance this out.

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So either of you embrace both sides of

life and pursue a balanced orientation

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with your foresight and

your strategic planning,

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which sets a real objective that has

mitigates the risk and handles things and

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preemptive strikes things and

is available for both sides.

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Or you're in your amygdala looking for

a one-sided world and getting smacked,

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attracting what you don't want,

breeding what you don't want,

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and eventually becoming aware of

what you already are but you're too

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proud to admit it and now

you surface it. So you breed,

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attract and become whatever you

condemn. And if you look very carefully,

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the thing you infatuate with,

you eventually undermine,

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because you don't like to be controlled.

Whenever you infatuate with something,

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it occupies space and time

in your mind and runs you.

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Anything you resent occupies space

and time in your mind runs you.

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So you don't want to have things run you.

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So you undermine the thing

that you infatuate with to

make sure you're set free

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from being run by the

thing you infatuate with.

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You know you get infatuated with somebody

that's got really good fitness and

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looks or whatever and then you take

them out to dinner and fatten them up,

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<laugh> just to make sure

they don't run your life.

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Because now you're completely controlled

by the beauty of them and their looks.

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So we breed,

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attract and become whatever we condemn

to teach us to see both sides and to

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love and embrace both sides of life.

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This is exactly what I'm trying to teach

people in the Breakthrough Experience

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because people bang their

head against the wall,

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keep repeating history in their life,

just like societies and cultures do,

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because they keep striving

for one-sided world.

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There's many delusions that people have

and seeking for one-sided experiences

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is futile. Trying to get a

relationship with one side,

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trying to get a goal with one side,

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trying to get anything with one

side is fantasy and it's futile.

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That's why nature brings the other side.

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Because we maximally grow at the

border of support and challenge.

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We maximally grow at the border of all

pairs of opposites. And this is not new,

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this is again, thousands

of years old, we know this,

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but we tend to forget it and we need to

be reminded of it. Embrace both sides.

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If you want to love somebody,

you got to embrace both sides.

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The longer you're with somebody you

know you're going to have both sides.

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Things you like and dislike about them,

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the things that little peccadillos

that you don't like and the things you

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admire. Both are

necessary for you to grow.

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Maximum growth and development occurs

at the border of pairs of opposites.

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And that's what love is. In the

Breakthrough Experience program,

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when I do the Demartini Method, I

take the trait that somebody despises,

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that they keep recreating in their life,

the Buddhists call it the karmic wheel,

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you just keep repeating the same thing

because you keep judging it and you keep

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avoiding it. And everything you try

to avoid, you keep running into,

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because you're trying to escape

it. And once you escape it,

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you're searching for the thing that keeps

you juveniley dependent and infatuated

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and then you get smacked by the

thing you don't want. Again,

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that's distress you. Eustress is when

you're embracing both sides. Wise,

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mature, embracing objectively

both sides of life.

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And when you're pursuing challenges

that inspire you, you wake up genius.

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When you're trying to avoid

challenges that despire you,

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you end up with distress.

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So if you don't want the distress and

you don't want the repeated cycles,

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that's the karmic wheel, if you will,

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then embrace both sides of life. When

you're living by your highest priorities,

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you automatically do so. In

the Breakthrough Experience,

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I show people how to live by

priority, how to organize their life,

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delegate lower priority things so they

have least likely to be pursuing the

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impossibles and the ones that

create futility and frustration,

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and allows them to understand that

they have everything they see in other

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people. That there's going

to be both sides to life.

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And to embrace that and to maximize

your potential by embracing both sides.

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If you expect to have a one-sided

individual or goal or anything,

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you're going to end up frustrated,

learning a lesson the hard way.

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So whatever you condemn, you

breed, attract, and become.

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In the Breakthrough Experience,

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I teach you how to do the Demartini

Method on how to dissolve those and

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unrealistic expectations and delusions,

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so you can set real goals in real time

and achieve real outcomes that have both

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sides, so you can have fulfillment.

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You're not going to have fulfillment

trying to get rid of half of your life's

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experiences. And you're not going

to get one sided experiences.

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You might as well embrace

the both sides of life.

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I learned 39 years ago not to waste

your time on a one-sided world.

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It's futile. So you breed, attract

and become whatever you condemn.

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And whatever you condemn is a reflection

of you to teach you how to love

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yourself and both sides of yourself.

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That's why I want people to come

to the Breakthrough Experience.

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Because they can walk in not loving

half of themselves, or others,

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and they can walk out embracing the

wholeness of who they are and the people

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they care about and love.

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So I just wanted to share that message

with you today and I want you to come to

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the Breakthrough Experience so I can share

with you the Demartini Method and the

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value applications on how to live by

priority and how to neutralize all the

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unrealistic expectations you

have on yourself and others.

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So you can set real goals in real time

and have real outcomes and objectives and

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have fulfillment.