On this episode of the Dudes and Dads podcast, we talk with Egan Edwards about his story.
You're listening to the Dudes and Dads podcast, a show dedicated to helping men be
better dudes and dads by building community through meaningful conversation and storytelling.
And now here are your hosts, Joel Demont and Andy Layman. Joel Demont.
Hi, you don't look like you're in studio with me. Andrew Layman.
You're not in studio with me, are you?
No, I'm coming to you from a hotel room in an undisclosed location.
Wow, that's always interesting.
Just for the record, I'm the only one here.
All right, all right.
Okay, so welcome. As you all can see, Joel is not in studio with us today.
Yeah, yeah, I've got, so just to let our listeners know, I, as many of you know, I'm,
I serve as CEO for Big Bars, Big Sisters of Southern Lake Michigan region. And
I'm really excited. We've got a meeting with all of the executive directors and CEOs for Big
Bars, Big Sisters in the whole state of Indiana tomorrow. So I am down in Indianapolis actually
and going to have a, going to be spending all day with those good folks. So excited about that.
That's what I'm here for. Andy, as we get to the top of the show here and as we start,
I've just been thinking that maybe we need to like add at the beginning of the show to,
to kind of like a better hook, like something to draw people in or what would that be?
Well, so here, just like, like to create some drama, to create some tension to get people
at the edge of their, on the edge of their seats. I mean, drama's, drama's good, right?
So like, starting the show off with like, you know, you do your opening like you just did,
like here's our guest. And then I come on and say, and also on this episode, we find out who Andy's
real dad is. Or, or what, which by the way, your real dad is Chuck Layman. He is. But people don't
know that. So it still creates the sensation of being on the edge of their seat. You see, like,
maybe we didn't know what we thought we knew. Or, or something like, or on this episode,
we find out why Andy is terrified of sour cream.
Uh, wow.
Where's the cream cheese? It's cream cheese. That's why I was really thrown by a loop there.
On this episode, we find out why Andy is terrified of cream cheese.
All right. I like it. Let's do it next time.
Yeah. So that's, that I just wanted to get you prepped for that. Like, that's, that's what I
want to add. Add suspense to the show, but not a suspense in the show, Andy. Uh, and
none of our listeners have ever told me that, but I still feel it. I can feel it from them.
They want more suspense, more suspense. Well, I'm at the edge of my seat. I'm at the edge of my seat,
but to break that, that suspense, we have feedback from a listener from our last episode, which I
wouldn't remind you of as the end of the light documentary about pornography. And so Joel, can
you read that feedback for me? I would love, I would love to. Yeah. That was super great. So
hey, our friend and our friend and faithful listener, Andy, I think it's fair to say.
Yeah, absolutely. Friend and faithful listener, huge supporter of the show. Uh, an OG,
an OG to the show was, was an early adopter, which we, we know those kind of people are special.
Cause when this show started off, Andy, let's just be clear. If you were supporting us,
it was your mother or my mother, one of the two. Yes, correct. Yeah. It was our moms.
It was our moms and, and, and our wives sometimes, sometimes. Yeah.
So no, our good friend, uh, Ty Miller, uh, wrote to us, Hey brothers, absolutely love
that you had one of the creators of the end of the light, uh, on due to the other being sick.
Yeah. So hopefully we get to talk to both those guys at one time someday.
Uh, so glad you're on the podcast. Speaking about pornography, it is in my opinion,
one of the most needed items, which should be discussed by men over nearly all the other
aspects due to just massively de-habilitating, uh, destruction, the de-habilitating destruction
that it has on and through nearly all aspects of life, not to mention struggling with some of, uh,
pornography, not to mention struggling with some form of pornography is about as common amongst
men as sin is itself. Yeah. Uh, I can personally still remember the night I left my house and my
bride of less than a year with a trash bag of clothes and the keys to my truck, having zero
clue if I was ever going to be allowed back, uh, uh, into my life. My wife had discovered
pornography on my computer that night in the days, weeks, months and years, which followed and are
still occurring. Some of the most powerful re, uh, and are still occurring, some of the most
powerful resources were thanks to other men and women at times who have been willing to either
sit down with me personally and talk, record interviews themselves or possibly in litter,
in literature form as well. Thank you, uh, to both of you for bringing light, no pun intended,
to a discussion which can never be discussed enough. After all, like I tell men that end up
talking to me about pornography, our sinful addiction and only thrive in the darkness and
we must drag it into the light, uh, to God daily. God bless brothers of mine. Ty, man, we look,
first of all, first of all, uh, a brave thing to share here and we, uh, don't take any of that for
granted. That's a really amazing thing. Um, so thank you, Ty. That's encouraging and helpful
and we hope it's helping others. Uh, and to your point, it's a big issue and we know it's a big
issue. And so that's why we bring on who we bring on. And, uh, so for every tie out there, we know
there are others. Yeah. And so we thank you for the encouragement. Super great. Absolutely.
Super great. Absolutely. Uh, tonight, we are going to be chatting with Ian Edwards. But first,
I want to remind you that support comes from ever since financial helping members invest in what
last through financial services with impact more at everants.com slash michiana securities offered
through concourse financial group securities incorporated member member F I N R A S I PC.
Well, I did tease it. We are, uh, Ian Edwards is on with us tonight. Ian, welcome to the show.
Glad to have you here. Yeah. Thanks. I'm glad to be here. Uh, you had to sit through all of our
our major. You're probably wondering what I signed myself up for, but you were actually,
we've given them a warning in a way. So we'll see. Right. And you're actually in Joel's seat
tonight. So you get to take that spot. I gave him the upgraded seat, Joel. I figured, let's not
put him on the, on the guest seat. Let's put him actually in the nice leathery, whatever, Jack,
whatever good thing that is. Yeah. Yeah. And now that you mentioned it, when we do have guests
in studio that we, we, the seating needs to, we should give him the better seat. Yeah.
It's like, we're happy to see you like, uh, like a hand me down of a hand me down of an office chair.
Hey, at least just, uh, at least we don't have the, the couches that were in the youth room
at one point that, that, that's true. That'd be bad. No one wants to sit on those couches.
Yeah. No. Yeah. They stink like several teenage boys.
Anyway, welcome to the store, the show. Uh, I've had the chance to get to know you.
You are the youth pastor at Clinton frame. And, uh, so I've got a chance to know you.
I'm not, well, I'm not working with youth anymore. My kids are all in the youth ball,
almost all my kids are in the youth group and have had nothing but good things to say about you. So
I, uh, I, I've heard your story both, uh, at the pastor's retreat a little bit, you know, as we
talked, you know, a couple of like one-on-one as well as, uh, when you shared your story here at
Clinton frame. So, um, if you want to just kind of start out wherever you feel like starting out,
and we'll kind of ask, go you from there. So welcome. Sure. Thanks. Feel free to ask a lot of
questions. Um, my story can be a hot mess as far as knowing where to start, uh, which elements,
uh, to showcase God working in my life through my story. So, um, let's go back to 1994. I was 12
years old. So you do the math later if you want. Well, just so you know, in 1994, I was starting
high school. So nice. So yeah, 94, um, I was at a vacation Bible school and I just, I was at a place
in my life where I was seeking. I was not getting what I needed at home through my parents. Um, and
the gospel was presented though. It was, it was a logical step for me. It was, it was really simple,
but I felt like, um, going to God, starting a relationship with Jesus was just kind of going
home. It was a safe place for me to be at, not like the home environment I was coming from.
Um, so, um, at that time I had been five years into my parents having been divorced. Um,
there was sexual abuse happening in my life. Um, watched and participated with my dad with drugs
and alcohol. He would, um, he would have full on pornography on the TV and, and not really
bother to change the channel or, uh, I guess pause the VHS tape at the time, um, when I came in the
room. So it was, it was really my dad doing his own thing. And I was just kind of an inconvenience
to him at the time. Well, at 12, two, I mean, even just the, the parents separating, that's a huge
thing for you to take in and try to deal with as a 12 year old. Yeah. So. Absolutely. I think my,
my kids are eight and nine now and just thinking of them having their mom and dad in a different
home. It's horrible. Yeah. And then, and then not to, to mention just when that happens, then
as, as parents, you know, the morals that your dad may have may be different than your mom. And
like you said, you know, yeah, it just kind of goes spirals out from there. Well, that was the
weird thing. Um, so all that stuff, plus some cool stuff like firearms and hunting. Um, but, uh,
with dad, uh, but mom had me in church every time the doors were open, uh, really, uh, demonstrated
Jesus to me and, and her lifestyle, the best that she could. Sure. I suppose that that's
even confusing to you because you have one parent who's living this life of being in a church
anytime the doors open. And then the other one who's exactly opposite of that. So it's
for you to decide like what, where do, where do I stand in this? That's gotta be hard. Yes.
Yes. So, uh, I like that you guys were speaking about the, the pornography issue that's, that's
rampant in men and some women too, but men for sure. Um, so that lifestyle, I grew up in that
they, I learned a big word called ambivalence where you, you're, you're loving something,
but you kind of hate it at the same time. Um, a foot in both worlds and definitely, um,
had a foot in both worlds. So loving God, growing in Christ at the same time,
just steeped with sin, sin life piled on my shoulders.
Told you of any, you look, you look like you're, you're like, you're very like deep in thought.
So I thought you had a question. It's weird cause I'm sitting here. I'm like, I'm like
watching this like a TV show. It's like, oh, all right. I'm, I'm also here participating. Right.
Yeah. So, you know, Ian, when I, when I, when I hear that kind of the beginning of that story,
I, I do wonder, um, like did, did you, well, I mean, so mom and, mom and dad,
how old were you when they, when they split up? I was seven. You were seven. Yeah. So,
um, and, uh, like, so as you're, you're growing up, are you, you're shared like equal time
between the, between the houses? Oh yeah. It was so goofy. I would be four months with mom,
then four months with dad. While I was with one, it was every other weekend with the other.
Wow. So, which was a different school system each time I switched as well. So that's good.
Yeah. That's going to be rough. Oh yeah. It is about, I think seven or eight different schools
growing up is, is the count I have. So how, yeah, I mean, wow, that's the end of itself is, uh,
a massive challenging thing. So like, what did friendships look like for you in that, in that
season and like how you were developing those and all of that in the midst of all that,
all that other stuff. Absolutely. So a lot of that stuff was secret and I didn't tell anyone
so I went to school as my, my normal quote unquote normal self. Um, I got bullied a lot.
I didn't fit in with, uh, the, the popular crowd, the in crowd and I grew to resent that crowd,
actually. Uh, even today I struggle with, uh, um, endorsing new brands or anything. I have to wear
plain clothes and that kind of thing. But, um, honestly, until I discovered the social aspect
of drug use, I was bullied. And, and then once I stepped through that door, um, maybe around
14 or 15, uh, moving to a new school was no problem because I found my people immediately.
They knew what I was all about. I knew what they were all about. Yeah. You said at 12,
you were participating with the drugs and alcohol, but it wasn't until like 14 that you were social
about it. Correct. Is that correct? Okay. Yeah. Absolutely. All right. And so I guess what, what
changed there? What made you come out of, of, uh, you know, hiding and going into, into public,
into public, into like a social aspect of that? Um, I really just didn't like myself. I didn't
like the guy that got picked on. I had tried sports. I was okay. Right. Yeah. Um, I started
getting sort of good at wrestling and football. Um, but at 15, I broke my leg and then I was
completely done. It was a nasty break. Um, cast for 12 weeks up to the crotch. It was horrible.
Wow. Uh, yeah. So wheelchair and everything. And I got picked on for that. So that's,
and that's tough, especially. Yeah. Going back to the fact of your parents being separated.
So you have this already fractured like system family system. And then you have on top of that,
you're throwing youth, you know, being mean to you also then too. Yeah. Kids, kids are cruel.
Yeah. Definitely. So go ahead and continue. Um, wow. So I guess from that point on, I,
I kind of continued and then obviously as I got older, things became legal for me to do the,
especially the drinking and the bar scene. Um, I had done so much by the time I was able to
legally buy alcohol though, that, um, I was actually in the waning years of my drinking phase.
And it was bad. Uh, I remember, uh, my 21st birthday, the next day at work, I was sick and
it was just all about competing and, and seeing who could take the most alcohol and, um, you know,
sex at the time was a big part of that. So, uh, you know, that was just another notch on the,
on the belt. Um, so the drugs, the alcohol, the promiscuity, I guess you could say so. Yeah.
Yeah. Um, did you have a question sounding like it? Yeah. So I think, and this is a conversation
that I have, you know, I, with my, my wife and I have had this conversation and we're
we're always thinking about our own children when it comes to like risk factors and, and, and
particularly, you know, in my years of youth work too, like you're always concerned about that kid
that, um, they're, that doesn't quite fit in, in a way, right? Like doesn't have a place or
their group or their tribe and they keep on looking for that. And you can tell that they
really want to find that because we all want relationship. We all want community. And I think
it was really telling, like when you say, like when you go to a new school, like you knew right
where to look in terms of finding a group of people that were, you know, using drugs, essentially,
um, and abusing alcohol. Um, what, like, as you think back to that experience, um,
like, how does it, in a certain way, because I want to, you know, keep on like following through
your story, but like even right now, as you think now as a, as a father and as a, as a youth
worker and all of that, um, how has it shaped your approach to like, you know, maybe even
raising, like raising your own kids and, and the kids that you lead and are looking out for and
trying to like advocate for, um, now in your, your later years of life. Yeah. That's a great question.
Um, the ironic thing is one thing that has all done for me is, um, when I see the students that
have a stable family life and their parents are financially stable as well, and they love each
other and God is a part of their life. I actually am turned off by that in my pursuit of students.
It's like, you know, you guys are good to go. You don't need me that much. You know, Jesus
already, you know, the Bible, you know, um, you're comfortable. Um, and I almost see students like
that almost as if they're arrogant. I know it kind of sounds funny, but, um, when you've been
forced into humility your whole life, uh, you see this, this overconfidence that comes naturally
and it's a good thing. And this is just my woundiness speaking, but, um, you see that almost
as a form of arrogance. I was just explaining that to someone the other day. Um, but my niche, um,
especially in ministry is, is to find those, um, I guess you could say marginalized students. Um,
um, and I feel like it's one of the gifts God has given me that I can see woundedness in others.
So I can see they're struggling socially. They're not fitting into the group. Um, I'm just pulled
towards them. I want to be there. Everything I can, you know, if they allow me to be their dad
or their friend or, um, represent Jesus to them or, or even speak truth into their lives about
scripture, um, that's my jam. Awesome. Awesome. So, so moving, moving on, continuing to move on,
you know, you're legal list at this point, you're legal, you're 21 ish and you said that,
you know, you're, you're kind of at the end of your drinking necessarily, right? Yes. Let's step
forward on that. What, what happens next? Okay. So, uh, several trips to jail, um,
um, one final trip to jail, uh, last time I was, uh, he's 23, 22, 23, I had moved away to Detroit
all by myself to take a big fancy job and a friend's band from out of town was at the local bar.
Too much to drink, got pulled over. Uh, it was my second DUI. Um, so long story short, I lost the
great job. I had to move home. I tried living with friends for about a year, alcohol free,
but I still wanted to, uh, dabble in some other areas. Um, I had an AA sponsor at the time who
told me that doesn't count as being sober. So I got angry and quit AA. Um, uh, so I did that for
a year, moved in with my mom and stepdad. Um, very humbling to move back in with your mom
at 23 after having successfully paid your own bills and been out on your own. Um,
and they were, uh, they were in a place where they were looking for a new church. So I joined
them on that mission and we found a place in, uh, in the Duwajak, Michigan area. And while we were
there, the pastor gave a sermon and he talked about being in sexual bondage. So as you can imagine,
I, I, I haven't really touched on this, but you could probably imagine I'm pretty steeped in
pornography at this time. My other vices were all gone. I'm, I'm chemical free. I'm alcohol,
drug free. I'm trying my best not to be promiscuous anymore, but the pornography was a big sticker
for me and he gives a sermon on sexual bondage after church. I go to see him and I wanted to just
get more from him like, Hey, but that's me. You were talking about me. I get to his office. He's
gone already and his wife is sitting there and, and she said, well, what do you want to talk to him
about? No, sorry. And, uh, this woman, uh, pushed me so hard. I finally spilled a little salt. I
must have, but the next words out of her mouth just floored me. He had just left for, uh, it's
called a salts conference and that's an acronym for survivors of abuse leadership training seminar.
And I was just floored that I go to see this guy about this very specific particular thing
and he's away at a conference getting training for how to counsel and work through
childhood wounds with people exactly like me. Wow. Um, so he came back and we met up, we went
through a great book by a down elder, uh, the wounded heart. I strongly recommend that he, um,
uh, counseled with me chapter by chapter and after about a year's time, I ended up, uh,
prosecuting my abuser. Uh, and the pastor was the very first person I told about the abuse. So
the abuse had stopped maybe 16 years prior and I just kept that all in. Um,
but I told him, he went with me to my house, um, helped me tell my mom and my stepdad who were
just both incredulous. This man was, uh, revered in the, in the family, just looked up upon,
everyone loves him kind of a thing and, and then to hear all this, it was just devastating. So,
so, um, but by that point I had gotten my hands on literature and, uh, I was just so aware that, uh,
I'm starting to see this, find out the same guy had hurt both of my sisters. Wow. So, um,
really glad I went forward with that. It was, it was very healing for me. At the same time,
my relationship with God grew quite a bit closer. Awesome. Yeah. Very, very cool. So then
moving forward, you, I mean, obviously now you're the youth pastor here. How did that, that whole
transpire, not necessarily here, but like going from losing your job in Detroit and then moving
back in with your parents, but how, like, how did you end up where you're at today?
Yeah. So I started the college journey. Um, I, I did manual labor and I know you can go to college
for manual labor, but, um, I, I got a degree in precision machining and, uh, I realized I don't
want to hang out with a bunch of guys in a dark room and make math jokes for the rest of my life.
So I went back to school is going to be an elementary special ed teacher. Um,
halfway through school, um, married at this point, uh, my wife lost her job. So I quit school and
started a construction company. Um, my shoulder started giving out my, my knees, my back. Um,
there were days where I couldn't walk unless I had a cane. Um, and I kind of just frustrated,
crying out to God, Hey, what do you want me to do with my life? This can't be it. I physically
can't do it. So, um, I'm away on a spiritual retreat weekend. Uh, there was one for teenagers,
one weekend and another one for adults, the following weekend. It's just a great mystery
I've served with and I'd been on the before and I knew it to expect, uh, as far as the spiritual
atmosphere. And I went into it praying, God use this time, this, this special time that's unique
to speak to me and tell me what you want me to do with my life. Um, on the second weekend,
in the last hour of the weekend, I was supposed to be answering questions on some panel discussion
board, but, uh, closed my eyes instead. And I kind of just saw these neon lights in my head,
like a, like a sign flashing, go be a pastor and, uh, open my eyes, super excited. Like, wow,
I think that was God started driving home a little bit later. And I got another message
that said, you are a pastor. So again, just pretty much cried the rest of the way home,
got home. I remember holding my wife in the kitchen and just sobbing to her that I finally
had this confirmation that I knew what he wanted me to do with my life. And you know,
all the woundedness and all the garbage that had happened, he was going to use and redeem.
Yeah. That's very cool. Yeah, I, I think, uh,
like there's, uh, there's an interesting component to, you know, in ministry calls to
ministry, they sound there's, you know, some are, I know mine was much, I think, much more subtle
than, uh, than yours and other, other people have, you know, they have all different kinds of, uh,
experiences with that calling. What I think was so interesting, uh, is that you have these,
just these series of, um, considerable challenges, heartaches, uh, abuses, all of, all of these sort
of things that, um, I'm sure for many people could have kind of taken them out of even considering
that they would go into something like that. And so like, so apart from your wife, I'm just,
I'm wondering like who came, I'm guessing someone came alongside of you to like discern what that
was going to look like for you as you move forward. Yes, absolutely. I went to my pastor
immediately and told him what happened and he suggested I go to three men I knew would be
objective with me, but men that I looked up to in the faith and basically run it by them,
see what they said. I went to my wife's dad, I went to my stepdad and I went to another pastor
friend that I had and, uh, the first two, I kind of knew what they were going to say,
but when I went to my stepdad, I was really worried because he's always told me to be a teacher and
I see you as a teacher and he's not a man of many words. So when he speaks, you really pay attention
and, uh, and he more than affirmed the calling. Um, and then as emotional way as he is capable
of doing, he, he affirmed my calling. Well, um, within a week I was signed up, uh, over in
Mishawaka at Bethel, now Bethel University, Bethel College back then. Way back when. Way back when,
yeah. Very cool. Yes. Very cool. And then now, and now you're here. And now I'm here. Yeah, absolutely.
Very, very cool. Well, you know, really, we really enjoy hearing people's stories, you know, life stories
and seeing how God uses them and when we're, you know, and your story is, is really awesome. Just
being able to hear, you know, that young kid who, if you were, would have probably looked at you,
you then, you probably would have said, there's no way that you're going to end up being
a youth pastor and working with kids and, and look where you're at now and look at, you know,
how far God has used you. Amen. So, you know, I'll just, I'll just ask the, I'll ask maybe the,
the other hard question, because obviously you're serving in youth ministry now. Um,
um, has it ever been a concern for you that by sharing, like by sharing your story or
telling about your background that you would, that some people would like in terms of
entering into a ministry role that people would not receive you well?
Absolutely. Um, uh, the guilt and shame aspect of, of what I've done, uh, and what's been done to me
and what that means in my life are, are ever looming. Um, it's really interesting. Uh, I had one
pastorate, I had a couple of part times, but I had one full-time pastorate before Clinton frame.
And, uh, I won't dwell on that. Um, I'll just say it's, I'm glad it's in the past,
but the interview process here. So, uh, I had a pretty nasty season of depression last year and, um,
at the very bottom of it, just completely broken. I was able to cry out to God in
very few words. I didn't have words, just emotions. I couldn't understand what I was thinking,
but I just flung myself on him. And as I healed from that, um, I started to develop this idea
like, Hey, I think maybe you had given up on ministry. You know, it's been five years. Maybe,
maybe you shouldn't have done that. And the thought grew and grew. And finally it grew into
this confidence like, Yeah, absolutely. I need to be doing what God called me to do. Um,
um, so long story short, I, I threw a resume on a website and within two days I had six churches
that were interested in hiring me. We were looking at moving to Louisiana. That was the number one
church. Um, Clinton frame was number six. Yeah. What is this? No, I don't like Indiana. I was
raised, I was raised to hate Notre Dame even by my dad. So, um, but I prayed, uh, you know,
you know, I think of a Jesus begging God to just take the cup from him, uh, when he was praying in
the garden. And I, I tried to have that mindset, not my will, but yours. So I prayed that God would
close doors and one by one, they all started closing, whether it was a solid no or just being
ghosted. Uh, that happened. Um, and finally I, I get a call from this Clinton frame place and
they're interested in me and it was not one interview, but two and then three and then four
and then five and six interviews. And then I had to preach and get voted on on top of that.
But, uh, at the time I thought, man, this is really rigorous. Why are they putting me through
this? But I feel like they really got a solid sense of who I am. Um, I felt confident God wanted
me to be honest about where I've come from, which I was from the beginning. Um, first there was an
informal meeting with a few students and maybe it was a search committee, I'm guessing. Um, but then
the board and then some of the pastors and then there was a dinner thing and, um, yeah, it was,
it was kind of a horse and pony show, but, um, I appreciate that because I feel like I was known
and wanted despite what was known about me. And, and that's how I knew for sure that this is where
God wanted my family and I to land. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. It seems, you know, you know, I'm kind of,
I'm, I'm kind of geared like you in a way of, you know, I'm, when I hear like certain ministry
professionals or anybody, well, they've got like a really squeaky clean story to share.
Uh, you know, in their interview process or, or, or whatever, like, you know, wherever their
testimony is, you know, where, you know, the, the worst part of their testimony is like there,
when they were farthest from God was when they, you know, watched an R rated film for the first
time. And, uh, you know, and I just have a hard time, I have a hard time with those folks, right?
Like, I'm like, because I wonder what you think about this. Like, you know, there is power in
knowing what you're saved from. There is something to be said about being aware. And I'm not saying
go and go and make in this, hopefully no one hears me say this, but like, you know, go and make all
kinds of really poor decisions and make a bunch of mistakes in life. And that's going to help give
you a better testimony and a better understanding. But at the same time, it's like a life, a life that
fully acknowledges, um, what living apart from God is like and understands that and knows that
to whatever extent, uh, can happen and really empower you, um, to live a life of purpose.
And I, I just, I do get concerned when people, people, uh, don't live vulnerable,
don't live in a vulnerable way. Like you, like you have, because I think what that, what that does is
it, well, number one, it doesn't help them help other people. Um, like, like right now, as you're,
as you're sharing, I'm thinking in my head, it's like, boy, I've got like two or three young people
that I know could talk to you and that you would get them, right? Absolutely.
Where, and this is true. This is true for any of us, right? Like when we live, when we live a story
that is honest and open and really, like doesn't, doesn't sensationalize the details, doesn't make
it like some, you know, like the cool story that it isn't because all the things that happen to you,
if you could choose again, you'd say, no, I'd prefer that not happen to me. You'd prefer that
not happen to your sisters. You prefer that not happen to, you know, whoever, any young person.
Right. Um, but it is part of your story. It's part of who, part of who you are. It's part of
what's, what has formed you into the person that you are anyway. Um, doesn't define you, but it is
part of the story. And when you can share that story with other people, and I'm sure you've
experienced this, like I really think it creates a gateway for connection that could, that maybe
wouldn't otherwise be there for people. Um, so it's like whenever I'm sharing my story and
whenever Andy shares his story, we do so with the hope that someone goes, Oh, I know someone
that could like really, really find help with these people, or they could really have a meaningful
communal connection with them. And, um, so that's why we want to encourage people. That's what we
talk about on the show. Like we want to form community around meaningful conversations,
storytelling, because first of all, guys are not always the greatest, great at that. Like that's
just a school that we're trying to develop number one. Um, but, uh, man, I want to, I just want
to cheer you on in this life that you're trying to live. Um, because you're, I'm sure it's happened
already, but I guarantee you it's going to happen more. There are a lot of, a lot of young people
and others that will benefit. And so just thank you for stepping. And by the way, we're all,
because we're all under this kind of like conservative evangelical umbrella, uh, where a
lot of people, um, experience a lot of harm when they are honest about their life. Um,
and that is a shame and it needs to, it needs to change and it needs to improve. And I can all
be honest about that. Um, but, uh, thanks for, thank you for your willingness to, to step forward
and to be vulnerable in a place where sometimes vulnerability will catch up to you in a really
bad way. Yeah. No, it's been awesome. Yeah. Before we let you go though. Yes. Now it's time for the
dudes and dads pop quiz. All right guys, if you've never joined us for the pop quiz, this is going
to be fun. Uh, pop quiz is just, yeah, pop quiz is just a time that we are going to, uh, just
ask you lots of questions that don't have anything to do with your story. So awesome. It'll get good.
And I brought Eli in cause he's always good at asking these two. So Eli's in here with us tonight
and, uh, we'll ask you some questions also. So Joel, do you want to start?
Um, I'm looking, I'm pulling up my special pop quiz. I can do it. I can do it. You want to go,
you want to be first, you feel, feel free. I'm good. All right. All right. All right. So
Ian, if you could ask one person, one question, and they had to answer truthfully, who and what
would you ask? Hmm. And it can be serious. It can be funny. It can be whatever.
I would like to ask the first guy that ever had a mullet. What the heck he was thinking.
Yes. It's a bold, it's a bold choice. Bold choice. It is. It is. All right, Joel, you ready?
Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Here we go. Um, what is something that you are great at cooking?
Meat. Can you expound on that? Like any kind of meat? Like is it like spam or is it?
Okay. If we're talking greatness, I would have to say, uh, my, my pulled pork. I smoke it for
about $14. Okay. That's good. All right. Eli, you can ask the next one. Give me a second.
I'm trying to find. All right. Well, uh, Joel, go ahead and ask another one.
You guys are not quite ready. Or do we lose Joel? We might have just lost Joel.
I blew him away with the meat. Yeah. All right. We'll, we'll, we'll continue. We'll continue
without Joel. Uh, let me, let me see the cards. All right. Um, what is your, no, I don't like that
card. There were some cards in here that you're just like, no, I'm not going to, I'm not going to
ask that. Uh, if you could be guaranteed, uh, one thing in life besides money, what would it be?
Contentedness. Oh. Contentedness. That's it. That's a good one. Why, why can you expound on that at
all? Uh, you're happy with where you're at. You don't want anymore. You don't need anymore.
Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Good, good thing. All right. Eli, you got one for him?
Hang on. Still, still though. I want to find a good one. All right. Well, I can, oh, this is a
good one. Uh, what was your first screen name? If it's, if you feel like sharing it. Uh,
let's go with Mr. Sage. Okay. Oh yeah. Had a band when I was a kid and it was called Sage.
Awesome. All right. Are you ready, Eli? Sure. Who are your heroes in your life?
Uh, is it a cop out to say Jesus? Eli, you're asking the question. Do you, is it, is it?
Nah. Uh, I would, I better give a shout out. Um, my wife, he deals with a lot of pain every day.
Wives are heroes there. She's amazing. Yeah. Yeah.
Um, all right. I got, uh, one more question and then you like can do one more question.
Uh, what would be your best day ever?
I would like to be at the beach and find pockets full of shark teeth,
get just enough sunburn that it doesn't hurt for two weeks
and eat as much meat as possible. So it kind of, it kind of sounds like in Florida,
when we were in Florida just a couple of months ago, uh, it was the spouses and
the pastors and spouses retreat and I know you were on the beach. You were looking for
shark teeth and I don't know if you didn't meet, got any meat or not.
We had some good food. Yeah. All right. All right.
Eli, why don't you go ahead and ask the very last question for the dudes and dads pop quiz
in this episode. What's your favorite thing you bought this year? Oh boy.
I haven't bought much this year.
Those shoes, those shoes that you bought in Florida were pretty cool.
You know what? I would have to say that is definitely my favorite. I bought a pair of
Puma's down in Florida and they are about 14 different colors.
They are. And they, I think they, did they officially glow in the dark?
They officially, I have pictures to prove it.
That's awesome. Yeah. Love it. I love it.
Um, so, um, someone's buzzing here. All right. Well, we want to thank you for being on the show
today. I know that if Joel was still here, he, you know, isn't it crappy hotel internet is just
not great, but so he wasn't able to join us, but thanks for, for telling us your story to us.
We really appreciated it and any final, final thoughts before, before we end this episode.
No, it's just been great to share and I'd love to come back sometime and I hope
if anyone has questions, uh, get them to me. Awesome. Well, we actually, Joel came back. Joel's
here. Welcome back. Just in time. Maybe he's not actually there. Hold on. All right. All right.
Oh, I got to bring him in. Hold on. There you are. Can you hear me?
All right. Okay. Oh, we're back. He's back.
This is the part where I say, uh, you can always head over to dudesanddadspodcast.com
for all the show notes, all the good things and, uh, dudesanddadspodcast.com. Send us your
show ideas, your reviews, your thoughts, uh, even harsh criticisms. We'll take a few of those
if you want to see. Awesome. Well, thanks again, guys, and good night.