Welcome to episode number 128 of educate and rejuvenate the

podcast. Let's talk mental health with Christina Kuzmic.

I can almost guarantee that you or somebody you know has struggled with

their mental health. And I feel like this is such an important topic for those

of us who are educators because we likely come in contact with students

or our own children who need their support through their struggles, and we also

need to remember our own too. So today, I'm interviewing Christina

Kuzmic, viral social media sensation and best selling author.

So let's get to it.

Welcome to Educate and Rejuvenate, the podcast to help you

revitalize your teaching, renew your spirit, and reignite your

passion for life. I'm your host, Kelsey Sorensen, a former

teacher, current homeschool mom, published author, and certified life

coach. Whether you are a teacher in a traditional classroom, homeschool from

your kitchen table, or anywhere in between, I am on a mission to help you

not only survive as an educator, but thrive. Get ready

to up level your skills with incredible insights from guest experts

and discover the missing piece, rejuvenating yourself. Are

you ready to both educate and rejuvenate? Let's

go.

In case you missed our big announcement last week, we

are rebranding. So wife teacher mommy is becoming

educate and rejuvenate. So if you missed the last two weeks of

episodes, be sure to go back and listen to those because I share the whole

story and about what you're going to see going forward over

there. I don't wanna take up too much time today because we've got a longer

interview today, and it's longer because it's incredible because it is Christina

Kuzmic, and I just love her. She's got so much value to share.

So I really wanna get to that really soon. I'm so excited for, her to

be here, and she's the perfect guest to be the 1st guest

to bring on to the newly rebranded educate and rejuvenate the podcast, and it's

only the 2nd episode since we've rebranded too. And

she's also one of our 2 incredible keynote speakers at the

educate and rejuvenate conference. And some of the

listeners here, many of you have already grabbed a ticket. There are 100 of you

who've already snagged your ticket. And there are even more of you who are in

our educate and rejuvenate club, which the doors are closed right now, but our club

members get to come to the event as part of what they pay each month.

If you're not either of those people, if you haven't grabbed a ticket and you're

not in the club, trust me, you want to snag your ticket. And

you're going to wanna do it now because the sooner you grab your ticket, the

better the bonuses are. You'll make sure you don't accidentally forget

and miss out on this event. And we also, like, tend to do a

pre party and stuff for our attendees before the event begins.

So you might as well if you're going to do it, you might as well

snag your ticket to join us. It's only $19.

Well, 19.99. Same thing, basically. So

for less than $20, you'll get to come to Christina's keynote to

see her. I just paid, like, $75 to see her in purse in person

when she comes to Salt Lake. And I know Gasper quite a bit to go

to one of his shows just too. So even one of each of our keynotes.

And then we have, some really fun workouts

planned. Again, you're getting the workouts. You're getting the professional development with all

the sessions from topics like science of reading and

stem and writing and mental health for educators, teacher burnout,

organization, classroom management. So much homeschooling. We've got a whole homeschool

panel for those of you who are homeschool moms, and that doesn't take away from

the teachers. We've got 2 separate tracks, and you can pick and choose sessions or

you can do both. Trust me. You do not wanna miss out on the chance

to join us at this event. So you can go to the link in the

show notes, which will take you directly to the event. You can also go to

educate and rejuvenate.com. As I'm recording, that'll take you directly to

the event, but we're also in the works of turning that into our just overall

domain. But that would take you to our home page once that's done. And we'll

usually, the bar at the very top of the website when we're promoting an event

is that. And just click on event in the header, you'll find your way

there. So we are really excited for our

summer 2024. It's our 3rd event. Thousands of teachers have enjoyed this

event in the past. So we'd love you to come join us for our 3rd

year. I really believe it's going to be our best one yet.

Okay. So without further ado, let's get to our interview. I'm so excited to have

Christina on the show today. Before we dive in, I'm going to

read her bio for you really quick. So Christina is a

cheerleader for her fellow humans. It's not something she ever anticipated

doing, but after immigrating to America from Croatia during the war in her

homeland and later facing more challenges like divorce, single

parenting, poverty, and depression. Christina wanted to be for others, but she

wished someone had been for her during her darkest hours. Now

with over 1,000,000,000 video views, Christina is providing her audience

with encouragement, hope, and humor. So

I'm so excited to have her back on the podcast. This is our 2nd interview

together. So if you love this one, make sure to go back and listen to

the first one as well. Now, let's get to the interview.

Hi, Christina. I'm so excited to have you back on the podcast.

Thanks for having me again. Yeah. We're so excited to have you back as

a keynote again at our educate and rejuvenate conference and

to have you on the podcast again as well. I would love to hear a

little bit about, like, what you've been up to since we last talked. Like, a

short intro for those who might just be tuning in now, but then also,

like, what have you been up to since we last talked with your book and

everything? It's been about a year since then. Yeah. So

since we last talked, the book is done. I think I was

in the midst of the I don't even know what to call

it, craziness of writing the book. So it's

done, and it's coming out very, very soon. I don't know when this

is gonna air. It might already be out by then. But, yeah, it was a

it's been a heavy and exciting year with the upcoming book. I

bet. I can see it being heavy just because of, like, the topic of your

book where you're talking about, for those of you who don't know

her book is it's called How or I Can Fix This

and Other Lies I Told Myself While Parenting My Struggling child. Correct?

Yes. Yes. Yes. So it's a a lot. And I

watched the video, and we'll put it in the show notes of you and your

son talking about, like, his mental health

struggles and how that was for both of you and

just opening up about it. And I think it was such an important

message that you shared in that video that I'm sure you're sharing in your book

because I think mental health is something that impacts everybody in

one way or another. Yeah. So that video

went viral pretty quickly because I don't know

that there are a lot of moms and sons publicly having this very

raw conversation about mental health. Most of the comments were just,

like, people relating or people saying, I wish I could have this conversation.

Some some of them were adults saying, I wish I could have this this conversation

with my parent now because this was me as a teenager. And just a lot

of people, you know, relating to what my son was saying about what depression, anxiety,

and all that stuff feels like. And that conversation is what

actually led to the book. My litter agent, who was my agent for my first

book, said, if you guys are willing to, I think there's

so much more we want to know about this story. And so I sat down

with my son and I have a very strict rule with my kids. I will

not post anything without their full permission. I don't care if they drink,

you know, milk yesterday. I will not say they drink milk yesterday if I don't

have their full permission. So obviously, I was never gonna share anything

without him. And he was all in and then even

agreed to write the last chapter. So you hear from a mom and

all the mistakes I made along the way and all the

unhealed parts of myself I realized I was bringing into parenting.

And then at the end, you actually hear from the kid, which I think is

going to be so powerful because I think a lot of parents are going to

read and go let me put this way. When we were recording the audiobook

and he was reading his chapter, the director of the audiobook was in

tears. And then when he was done, she said to him, I have a child

with anxiety and you just help me understand him better. And I was like crying.

And so that's I hope that's what

it'll do for parents. I hope so too. And I'm glad that chapter is still

part of it because I relistened to our interview a year

ago when you mentioned that. I'm like, oh, I hope that still, like, didn't get

cut out in the editing or anything because they think that's so important for them

to hear both from you and from him about about the

struggles and everything that that he just

went through. And he's just so honest. I mean, I just have so

much respect for him because I don't know that at

his age well, first of all, back in the nineties, nobody talked

about mental health. It's just like, oh, you're a crazy teenager, you'll grow out of

it, you know, go to your room. He is so

open, and he doesn't carry shame. A lot of people which nobody

should, by the way. But a lot of people when they're struggling mental health, there's

this like embarrassment or shame attached to it, which, by the way, do you feel

shame when you have a cold? Do you have shame because you might have thyroid

issues or whatever? You know what I mean? Let's let's stop adding shame to any

health issues that are out of our control. It's silly. I love

your video about that too, where you, like, really kind of illustrate that,

like, concept. Yeah. I'm gonna repost that one soon, actually. But,

yeah, so he's very, very honest in the book. And in fact, when I was

writing my parts, because there were a lot of parts that don't paint

him in the best light, me either, by the way. But his depression often showed

up as anger. And anybody that has a kid who's acting out, rebellious,

doing drugs, punching holes in the wall. I mean, it just we had to call

police on him at one point. There's a lot. Anybody who has a kid like

that knows that sometimes our kids struggles. You know? Sometimes depression doesn't show up at

staying in bed all day. Sometimes depression shows up as

violence or anger or rebellion. And so every time I

would say to Luca, hey, I probably shouldn't write this

part right. Every single time he said, no, mom, write it. If we're gonna do

this book, let's just be completely transparent. And

that's why I'm hoping that this book will really make a difference. We did

not sugarcoat a single thing. I love that. It's just you're being

so real and authentic and sharing. Yeah. This is what our

experience was like. And I'm sure that I mean and everybody's experience

is different, but there are probably common themes that, like, other

parents are like, oh, like you said, even the director of your audiobook is

like, oh, this helped me understand. And just see that you're not

alone either. I feel like with mental health because especially for so long, it wasn't

talked about. And now I feel like it's talked about more, but it's still kind

of like a buzzword or like self care, take a bubble

bath. But it's so much more than that, don't you

think? Oh my gosh. It's so much bigger and deeper.

And I think that the nitty gritty of it is just not pretty. And

it's not it's not something you can put in a cute Instagram post

with your cute family picture. Like, mental health can be really

messy, And a lot of people don't wanna show the messy side, especially on

social media. And so I'm gonna show it, and

maybe it'll give somebody else courage to show it. I just thought of this because

the word courage. I've been told so often in the last few months

promoting this book. Wow. You guys are so brave. You're so

brave to talk about it. And the first thing I can I think of when

I hear that is, I can't wait for the day when talking

openly about mental health is not considered brave? It's just

considered human. That's what I'm hoping for.

Yeah. I I agree with you. I love that. And something that you shared, actually,

it was on I relistened to your keynote that you did last year as well,

and you mentioned that you think we all struggle with mental health at

some point, and we just don't know it. We don't know that that's what

it is, or we don't maybe don't want to face it. Can you

explain a little bit more about that? Because, you know, we're seeing it so

brave, but really is human if it's something we all experience.

Right? So this is how I always think of it. Have you ever met a

human being who is a 100% physically healthy? And I mean, they've

never had a cold. They've never had a headache. Nope. They've never had a scratch

on their arm. They've never had I mean, they are a 100% healthy.

Probably not. I haven't. So why would we assume

that anybody is a 100% at all times mentally healthy?

Humans are way more complicated and beautiful and wonderful

and mysterious than that. Okay? So that's, first of all,

that's why I think that I think everybody struggles with mental health. I think

sometimes they show up more extreme than others. And I think the problem is that

when we have a cold, or we find out we have cancer, whatever,

normally, we don't blame ourselves. When we have anxiety, when we have

depression, bipolar, I could go on and on. Dissociative,

you know, disorder, whatever. ADHD, on and on. We immediately

go, what's wrong with me? Something's wrong with me. And we blame ourselves. Or

we start feeling inadequate. And we start comparing ourselves. And it's just such

unnecessary abuse that we are choosing to put

ourselves. You didn't choose your depression or anxiety or whatever your you didn't

choose that. But you do have a choice on how you're gonna treat yourself throughout

it. And do not do not for one second blame

yourself, beat yourself up, tell yourself you're inadequate, and definitely don't

compare yourself. Because again, if you have a cold and your neighbor has a

cold and your neighbor's cold is gone with this one medicine and yours isn't,

you're not sitting there going, oh my gosh. I'm so stupid and dumb that that

medicine worked for somebody else, and it didn't work for me. We don't do that

with physical things. So maybe that's what people need to do is stop for a

second when they're feeling anything negative about themselves because of their

diagnosis and go, wait. Would I feel this way if I got a physical

diagnosis that isn't so pleasant? Would I beat myself up for it? And I think

that's a really important question because when you put it that way, you're like, oh,

like, I didn't think about it that way because we naturally don't.

Right? It's not talked about as much, but I just think we all

need to give ourselves so much more grace and I love your quote. Like, I

even say to myself all the time, give myself more credit than criticism,

more grace than judgment. I think I told you this last time, like, I have

that on my bulletin board because I need that reminder a lot because I've had

my own mental health issues. I've mentioned it on the podcast before

that I had a really bad postpartum with my 3rd. I, like, went to the

ER thinking I was having a heart attack. I didn't sleep for 3 days, and

he was sleeping. He was the best sleeper of all 3 of my children, and

I was just crying all the time and anxious. And, really, I feel like

that was just the breaking point. I've had anxiety my whole life and

even parents were just like, you're a worrier. Just worrying again and not

just parent like aunts, uncles, teachers, like everybody. That's just part

what I thought was part of my identity and I finally, at that point, I

was like, I don't want to live like this all the time.

And so I just think it's so important what you're doing because it impacts

kids, it impacts grown ups to all of us. Whether it's something big like

that or, like you said, there's varying degrees of it. Like, some people

with physical health have a cold, some get diagnosed with cancer, like, it can

vary drastically, but I think we all have

it in some way, or we know somebody who does

have it, like, higher way and want to support them as well. So

it's so important to be having this conversation. Yeah. And I

hate that people who struggle with mental health are constantly worried

about the judgement. Right? Which is one of my goals in life before I die.

I wanna, like, remove the stigma from mental health and

picking your kids up from school in pajamas. But that's a whole other topic. When

all that stigma gone when I did the video with my son, and

he very and by the way, we did not plan what we were gonna say.

I tried to tell him, hey, what if I ask you this question? Every time

I tried to sort of plan out the video, he was like, no. We're gonna

sit down on the couch, and we're just gonna have a rough conversation. I don't

wanna have anything planned. And I think that's why it ended up being so good

because he was like, I don't I I don't wanna know anything ahead of time.

But when we posted that, there were most of the comments were very

positive. But there were a few comments that were like, Christina,

how dare you do this to your son? How dare you let him talk about

this so publicly? And I

my response, I did a video response. I said, would

you have said the same thing if my son and I sat down and we

discussed, let's say that he had cancer, he doesn't. His cancer diagnosis. Would

you have said, I can't believe you let him talk about it. So no. You

know what you do? You probably start a fundraiser and raise money for him. That's

what you would do. Right? Well, you you are the

one that is choosing to add shame to our situation. We don't have it.

We don't have any shame. You're the one that believes that we should have it,

and that's for you to handle. That's a you problem. Yeah. I think if

anything, you can be so proud of the fact that

you were able to do that and that it was brave and that, like you

were saying, it shouldn't need to be brave. We should be able to talk about

it just like we do a cancer diagnosis or Alzheimer's or

whatever else, like Yep. Physical might come up. Like, mental

health is health. That's why health is part of the word.

Yeah. And that's something that I really learned from the last 5 or so

years with my son's health is our mental health does affect our

physical health. You can't ignore it. Because if you don't deal with it

in one way, it's gonna show up in another way. But it is gonna show

up. And the other thing I want sometimes parents are like, I just

I need to just prioritize my children. I can't do this right now.

Well, your mental health affects your children because you can put on a fake smile

all you want. Our children are so much smarter than that. You can say one

thing, but if they're feeling a different sort of vibe coming from you, and you're

full of anxiety or you're really depressed, our kids feed off that. So if you

don't feel worthy to do it for you, do it for your children. Go get

the help you deserve. 100%. And that's what I we talk about a lot in

the club and even things I've been researching as I've I've actually been

writing a book as well, which I'm like, wow. You've written too. I'm like, that's

amazing because now I realize how hard how much work writing a book

is. But just like realizing that feelings, like, when

we just bury them inside us, they don't just go away.

And they can cause, like you were saying, our mental health affects our physical

health, like, quite literally, if you dive into the research of of it. And

like you said, the energy that we show up with, if we don't take care

of ourselves, it's gonna impact how we are able to be with our kids.

And we shouldn't ever shame ourselves for how we show up either. It's like some

days, like, getting out of bed and getting them to school is an accomplishment.

And I think everything, not to be cheesy, but everything is a learning opportunity.

But I think, you know, we talk very openly in our house about mental health,

especially since everything we've been through. My youngest

is 9. And since he was his brother started struggling when he was

3. So he knows all about mental health. And so when I am having one

of those days where I can barely get myself out of bed, and you know

what or whatever, I'm extra anxious, I will

be open about it. I don't I believe everything should be age appropriate. Right? So

I'm not gonna say anything that will freak my kid out. But I will say

to him, hey, Ari, I'm just having one of those days that's a little heavier.

Do you ever have one of those days? And then this is the important part,

parents. Follow it up with what you're gonna do about it. Right? So I'll say,

so you know what? What I really wanted to do today was just stay in

bed, but I think what would help me is to maybe call a friend and

go for a walk. So I'm gonna do that. What do you think about that?

And that way, just through having this little talk with him, not as lecture, but

I'm saying this as I'm preparing his lunch or whatever, and I'm asking him for

advice. What what would you do if you were having a heavy day? Now he's

processing all this, and the best part is it's normal. It's

normalizing for him. So when he's having a bad day or when he's a teenager

or when he's a 50 year old man and he's not doesn't wanna

get out of bed, instead of blaming himself, he'll go, oh, this is normal.

People feel this sometimes. And I have a choice to do take a tiny little

step that might make me feel a little better. And I love what you're saying

about this too because this is a podcast for educators. Right? And a

lot of what we do as teachers is we model. We model what we want

the kids to do. Right? So we're it's not just, like, explicitly telling

them you do this, but we do it. We show them. And it's

such a powerful way we can do this as teachers, but kids that are classroom.

If you don't have your own kids, you can even do this. If you're having

a rough day at school, let the students know and model that

because their parents may or may not know how or have the

capacity to be doing that themselves. And then if you're a parent and have your

own kids, do it with them too. I feel like I have been improving on

how I open up with that with my kids. It's figuring out that like age

appropriate way to do it, but I I just love the way that you shared

here. We will get right back to the interview. But if you are enjoying this

episode and want to hear more from Christina, don't miss the Sears Educate

and Rejuvenate event. Rather than just listening to us talk here on the

podcast, you'll get to be an active participant in it. The chat is hopping.

You'll get to engage with Christina. She views your comments. We get to play off

of each other, and it is so much fun. Plus, you'll get to enjoy

Casper Randazzo's keynote. We had him on the podcast recently. He's so

hilarious. We're going to have a full panel of incredible sessions

on topics from STEM, reading, writing, math,

language arts, burnout, organization, classroom management,

homeschooling, everything you could think of. Plus, you're going to get a curated course

from me about my 3 step coaching framework that we've been touching on on this

podcast. We are going to get such a deeper understanding of it. There'll be live

open life coaching where you can raise your hand to get coached without having to

join the membership. Just try it out at the event. And there will be

giveaways and community workouts, yoga, cardio,

so much more. Go to educate and rejuvenate.com to grab

your ticket today. And by the way, I'm not perfect at it either,

and that's that's the goal I have in life.

Literally, it's not even a goal to be perfect because I have

very realistic goals. That's why I Very realistic. I mean, even

the title of your book is, like, the lies you told yourself while parenting your

struggling child. And in your video, you talked about,

about, oh, yeah. I share the mistakes that I made too, and we all make

mistakes, you know. So it's just about doing the best we can

with the information we have and where we're at mentally, emotionally,

all of that. Yeah. And the biggest thing I have to learn

in my parenting journey from even before my son was

struggling, is that we're allowed to make the same mistake 5 times, or 10 or

15. And that's also very human. Because I so many

times, I would be like, okay, I got it now. I know I'm gonna handle

that. I am not gonna lose my temper, or I'm gonna handle it this way

or whatever. And then I'm great at it, like, 3 times and suddenly

something happens and I do exactly the thing that I told myself I would never

do again and then I beat my now I don't beat myself up for it

anymore. I just go I'm I am just learning every day,

and I'm part of learning is making mistakes. Otherwise, learning would

be very boring. So let yourself make the mistake

over and over again without beating yourself up. Yes. And the other thing that

I've noticed even with our members is, like, beating themselves up about

beating themselves up. Like, oh, I can't believe it. Like, it's almost this

cycle. And you know what? When I I can catch myself beating myself

up, now what I've been trying to focus on more is, okay, how quickly can

I come back to treating myself well? You know, because we're going to find ourselves

being hard on ourselves or doing that, but it's like, okay, I'm

catching it, and I am shifting it and just showing

myself some love again because I deserve that just like my kids do or just

like my students do. Yeah. And you're right. It's about how

quickly can you interrupt that negative thought. And what I

found is it's not that, you know, oh, I am now a

100% so confident that I never beat myself up. I never feel

guilt or inadequate. It's not that. It's that with every year or

month or whatever, as I'm, you know, taking care of myself better and wanting

to learn and wanting to do better, I am more

quick to interrupt. And the more quick to interrupt, it becomes way

easier because before, it would take me hours. Sometimes I wouldn't interrupt it till the

next day. I'd let myself dwell in it. Right? And now negative thought enters

my mind about myself, and I'm like, within seconds, I'm like, no. We're not going

there. No. No. No. No. No. No. We're not going today. Yes. Exactly.

And even like what you mentioned about making that same mistake again, even

now, like, oh, I'm gonna make the same mistake 5 times, 10 times, whatever. It's

like you're still improving when you notice it, even if it's the day later

because there was a point where you didn't even realize that. Oh, maybe I shouldn't

think that way or do that thing. Intellectually realizing it is one way, but it

takes a lot more time to not just intellectually understand something and to actually do

it. I was actually talking to a coach friend about this today. It was something

I've been dealing with, and she, like, tells me, like, this advice. I'm like, and

I know all of that intellectually, and then actually

all of that intellectually. And then actually doing it is totally

different. You know? So that's why I stopped saying that's why

I stopped saying to my kids, you know better. I used to

say that all the I mean, I think most parents have at one point said,

you know better. And then I thought, I am such a hypocrite. How

many things do I know better, but I still do that? And I was like,

okay, Christina. You're not allowed to say that to your kid anymore. Yeah. Because

we all do that. And and that's a really common phrase too. A lot

of parents will say you do that. I mean, I know I've said it, you

know, but but, yeah, when you're like, oh, you know better, it's like, well, how

many things do I know better? And yet I still do it the the other

way. It's just not that simple because we're human. And also what I learned

is I used to think these certain things I was telling my kids like you

know better was a positive way to say it. Hey. You know, you know

better. Alright. So you're smarter than that. And then I went, no. What that really

feels like if someone said that to me is you're being stupid. You know what

I mean? Or you're not doing the thing you should know. So all it really

does is throw more more negativity on a kid. And now they're already feeling bad

about whatever they did. Now you're adding to it. So I realized my goodness. Some

of these things that I was saying that I thought were like like, you're smarter

than that. I thought that was like a encouragement. Like,

look, I know that you're smart. But really, the way the

way my teenager heard that was he's stupid.

I was like, wow. Okay. But then it's just

noticing like you said, you felt like you were coming from a good place with

that, and it's just realizing, oh, okay. Now I realize I'm not go I'm going

to try not to say it that way anymore, but not beating yourself

up forever saying it that way, you know? Exactly. It's just about being

open. That's that's all it is. And sometimes as parents, it's

very hard for us to make different decisions than how we were

raised. And I write in the book how whenever I've made a parenting

decision that's completely opposite of how my parents would handle it, I felt like a

disobedient little child, even though I'm 45 years old. And I think a

lot of people can relate to that. It's like, oh, who am I to think

I know better than my mom and dad knew? And you gotta just learn to

trust yourself a lot of times, and that's hard. And so it's sort of like

having that outfit that is outgrown, and it's you realize it's not good

for you anymore. It's too tight or whatever. And you get rid of it, and

you're like, I'm a I'm a give this outfit a try and see if this

works better for me. Yeah. It's like trying on clothes and seeing what

fits you and it might fit somebody else great, but it doesn't fit you.

And I think it's all about being authentic and true to yourself,

and that will allow you to have better relationships with your kids

or with your partner or with your students in your classroom.

Yeah. By the way, I know you have a lot of teachers that listen. So

can I just praise Still? So I write in the book how my son

didn't graduate high school with his classmates because he he was

hospitalized. He had all these mental health struggles, but just a lot of stuff. So

they're all graduating, and he didn't get to graduate. And then 5 months later, he

got to graduate, and we I threw him a graduation ceremony, and

I bought him a cap and gown. And I decided he was valedictorian because he

was the only kid graduating that day. I love it. Anyway,

I just the other day, I hadn't seen her. This was in

2021, the graduation. I haven't seen her since then. I ran into a teacher

of his, and I immediately start balling. And I grabbed her by the shoulders. And

I said, do you know that you are the reason my son graduated?

You are the reason. My son to this day would not have a high school

diploma if it wasn't for you. And it wasn't necessarily

that that what she taught him as far as what you're supposed to write. It

was the way she refused to see him

regardless how he acted. She refused to label him as the bad

kid. And she saw a hurting kid and she was so compassionate.

I remember at one point he had missed a class and

she got in touch with me and I said, no, he's not skipping. He's really

struggling. He's he's really struggling right now. We're trying to figure out what to do.

And we thought we're gonna have to hospitalize him again. And she came by the

house, and she didn't even ring the doorbell. She didn't even bother us. She just

dropped off something for him and something for me, and then just left.

And it just and by the way, teachers don't feel like you have to do

this. You already have plenty of work. But it's the fact that she was

so thoughtful, and she had every reason to be constantly

just like, oh my god. This kid is the worst kid ever because my son

a lot of times acted. That's how his depression showed up. But instead, she

always just saw him beyond those symptoms. And so anyway, I

just she's one of the most powerful people in his life. I just have chills,

like, listening to that story because I just feel like teachers don't

always understand, like, how much of an impact they are

making with things like that, or even just, like, giving the

kid who really needs a smile, what the difference that we

make for these students. And but not paying that pressure

either, you know, because, of course, a lot. But She

said to me, sorry. She said to me,

you're one of the parents who cares. I was like, what does that mean? And

she said, there are so many kids who are

struggling and their parents are just, I've had enough. I

just can't wait for this kid to turn 18 and I can kick him out.

And so that's the power you teachers have is that she was

able to be that voice in those kids' lives. So it's like, we got this.

I believe in you. I know it's hard. What's the one little next step you

can do? You know, just this voice that they were not getting at home. And

I think sometimes teachers don't even have the opportunity. This was a very small

school setting where families knew each other. And a lot of times, teachers don't even

know what the family is like like and don't know how the parents are treating

the child. So, yeah, I think I think teachers have probably

saved a lot of lives. I I absolutely agree. Yeah. There are wonderful

teachers out there and the wonderful parents too. Yeah. But then there

again, the parents who, like, if their child is struggling and they don't know how

to handle it, everybody I really do believe everybody's trying the best they

can with whatever capacity they have. As a

teacher, it's really hard to see these parents and students who are

struggling and just trying to just have as much grace for everybody.

And, of course, sometimes it's easier for the teacher to have grace because they're not

living with the kid 247. Right? So I mean, there's

dynamics that play into it. But teach I think teachers

have way more power than they realize. And I think they've,

I bet every teacher has

no idea the full impact they've actually made. Like, I think they would be their

minds would be blown if someone could somehow gather all of their

former students who they have possibly affected in the home room. I think

they'd be just shocked. I think so too. And just thinking

about even, like, the kids I've taught, I'm like, oh, wow. Like, doing the math

of, like, how old they are now. I wonder what their life looks like

right now. And just, it would be amazing to be able to put them in

that room. Yeah. That, like, just thinking about that.

So one question that I wanted to ask you too is

we've kind of talked about it, but what advice would you have for educators who

are dealing with children with mental health struggles, and they don't necessarily know

what's going on at home? What advice would you have? I mean,

sort of what I said about see don't you can see a bad

behavior, but don't see a bad kid. Right? Because bad behavior is usually a sign

of something deeper. We all know that. But also right in my first chapter

of the new book, I can fix this, how I just assumed

that when Luca was starting to act different, that it was just teenage hormones.

And I was like, oh, I got this. I cause when I finished, I studied

theater in college and right out of college, I worked as an assistant theater director

at a high school. And I, because I was so young, these teenagers would open

up to me more than other teachers. And so I sat with the girl while

she told me she was pregnant. I was the first person she told and I

sat with the kid whose parents were getting divorced and he was crying. So I

was like, oh, I have all this experience with teenagers. I got it. And basically,

what I had to learn is that I was coming from a place of assumption

and sometimes from a place of judgment and not a place of curiosity.

And I think that's the most beautiful thing you can give another human being, whether

it's a student, your child, your spouse, come from a place of curiosity.

Always. I think just it's so such a simple

change of mindset, but it can be really powerful.

In one of my chapters, that's all about curiosity because I think we probably need

to come out, like, with ourselves too. With ourselves, with other

people, it's like, we could just come up with and be like, I wonder why.

Because then it gets the shame and the judgment and just really trying to understand

the humanity behind whatever is going on.

So I love that you brought that up. I wrote in the book how I

had to learn to stand in awe of Luca's story. Can you imagine

if we all gave our loved ones the gift of standing in

awe of their story? Not what we want their story to be, not what we

think their story should be. Just stand in awe of

their story. Yeah. I think if everybody did that for

themselves and for everyone around them, can you just imagine what the

world would look like? It would be so much different because it's

definitely not what comes naturally to us. I found it

so helpful is I've tried to get more into curiosity, and I love

what you said about awe too because I don't know. Have you read Brene Brown's

Atlas of the Heart? Love her. Yeah. I love her so much.

But when she has a picture of wonder versus awe and awe is you're

just reveling in it. And so I just love that word, reveling in,

like, their story and just being curious about it.

And yeah. And I think what's hard for us parents is that when our

kids are struggling, we go into fixing mode. We go into there's a

problem. And I as a parent, if I'm a good parent, I will find the

solution. That's what good parents do. Right? And that's what my book is

called, I Can Fix This, Another Lies I Told Myself because I went into fixing

mode. And what I hope is that I in every interaction with my

child, I have a choice whether to control or connect. And control has never

gotten me anywhere good. It made me feel good in the moment. Oh, look at

me. I'm being proactive. I'm getting stuff done. But it did not help long term

at all. It was Yeah. Choosing to go, yeah. I don't need to fix

this. I need to sit with him in it. And I need to learn

from him how to best best support him. And if

it's different than his sister needed support or my best friend who's struggling the same,

that's that's exactly what it should be. It's a unique situation. So we,

again, very good intentions. We wanna make it better as parents.

And sometimes we just need to stop back and go, I don't have to just

do do do do do. Sometimes I just need to be. Who can I be

for him today? Yeah. I I love that. Like,

just that shift from fixing this to just being present

with him. And why do you think, like, the natural

inclination for us as parents is to try to fix it rather

than that sitting and being with them? I feel like it takes some conscious effort

to be, okay, I don't I'm not going to try to fix this. So why

do you think that is? Because I think we've been taught that that's what bad

parents do. They're passive. They don't take care of stuff. They'll let

their kids just do whatever they want. You're lazy

parent if you're not, you know, jumping on every little thing they do.

I think a lot of us have been taught that and raised that way where

the parents were just like, fix, fix, fix. But trust me, I

tried it. And then when I knew it didn't work, I tried it again just

to test it out for all of you guys. And I still sometimes like to

just just try it out. Maybe it'll work this time. Yeah.

And I am in therapy for a very good reason. I have

PTSD from everything I witnessed with my son. And my therapist

said something once. He said, I feel like you think that

sitting in it with him is passive?

And and I was like, yeah. Like, this whole thing people talk about, oh, just

like surrender. That sounds so passive. I don't wanna be passive. Passive is a

negative thing. And he said, what if surrendering

isn't giving up or being passive? What if surrendering means opening

up? Because the truth is when we're trying to fix, we're not

really open. We are in a mode. It is

one lane. We are going to make the phone calls and we're gonna make the

appointments and we're gonna throw the consequence their way and we're gonna take this away.

We are just in, right, tunnel vision. But being

open helps us see the bigger picture, helps us see our

child on a deeper level. I took my oldest son I've done

this a few times since, but the first time I did it, we were out

to dinner and I said, I'm gonna say something cheesy. If you don't want to

play along, it's fine. But if you can't play along, I said, help

me understand what it's like to be you. And I sat back and I shut

up and I just listened. And it was the most incredible

conversation I've ever had with him. I mean, I could cry right now. And this

happened right the reason I even took him out to dinner is we had a

really bad day the day before. And And I was totally spiraling into

how do I help him? How do I fix this? And oh my gosh, he's

gonna end up on the streets and blah. And that conversation helped me go from

fix, fix, fix, and fix to just sitting there openly. And to a lot of

parents, it would have looked like this is the way she's handling her son. Like,

she's just sitting there quiet, not even offering any wisdom.

No. He was offering me wisdom, and it was so helpful. And I

feel like we can learn so much from our kids and they're, like,

helping them and just being with them. We learn so much more. We connect so

much more that way than if we're just like, I wanna try to fix this.

I just think that's so important to be willing to surrender

and be open and just sit with them, be with them,

learn how to understand. I love what you asked him. Tell me what it's like

to be you. Yeah. And then literally tell me when you wake up in the

morning, what does it feel like to wake up in your body? When you are

headed to work, what do you feel? Are you stressed? Are you excited that you're

like and then and then after that amazing conversation, I did it with

my 9 year old. I just worded differently. I said, Ari, can you walk me

through your day, like, from the moment you wake up? And then every once in

a while, I would interrupt and I go, okay. And how are you feeling as

you walk into the classroom? What are you feeling? And

it was incredible. I found out things that I didn't know about him. I found

out things that moments in his day that would give him stress that I had

no idea. Because usually, parents are like, did you have a good day? And then

we'll take it a step further. What was the best thing that happened? What was

the scariest? I love those questions. But we have someone actually walk you through

their day. Do it with your spouse too. We have someone actually walk you through

their day, and then you find out how they feel as they're facing these different

parts of their day. You are going to learn a whole new

set of very important things about them that will help your relationship with them.

I just love that, and I'm going to try that very

soon. I'm so glad you shared that. I love learning these new little ways

to have deeper conversations. So I love the idea. Can you walk me through

your day? Like And my last name was, like, loving this

because all of a sudden, he's just getting yeah. Share all this stuff.

And people people everybody wants to be seen and heard. So when you come

from a place of curiosity and you give them the center stage and the big

thing with these parents, if they say something that

you're like, oh, I don't like that, this is not the time to say it

because you will shut them down. Just let them talk. You can if there's

something they're telling you that you're like, oh, that's a problem, you can deal with

it later. Make a mess though. Yeah. But let them just talk.

I love that. And I think everybody who's listening, that's something that you could take

from this episode and try right away. Just such an actionable and,

again, it's actionable, but it's also like you said, we're sitting back and we're letting

them talk. I just love that tip, so thank you for sharing that. Another

thing let's see. I'm gonna do the next question. So you mentioned last

year, and I can't remember if it was in the podcast or in the keynote,

but something that I've seen at play a lot, like both in my

personal life and things, and also with just different members who come on to get

coached, because we do this coaching every week in the membership,

is the importance of authenticity for true connection with other people. A lot of

us feel like we need to make others happy or people please, or we think

that's true connection, like being what, like they want

us to do. But how do you think this authenticity, especially with mental health being

fully authentic about what's actually going on versus how are you doing? Oh, I'm

good. Where maybe good is actually not the answer.

How do you think that just being authentic can help with our

healing of whatever is going on in our So I'll actually share

from my perspective, not even my son's. So

I mentioned how he didn't graduate at one time. Right? I mean, I'm in Chicago's

parking lot. This is, like, a few weeks before he's supposed to graduate. And

this mom runs up to me, and our kids, my son and her son, were

friends back in elementary school. They haven't been in touch since. They went to different

schools after that. So I haven't seen her in years. And she runs up to

me. She's like, Hey, how are you? Blah, blah, blah. She goes, Oh, my goodness,

can you believe our boys are graduating? And I'm standing there just smiling. And she

goes, we're trying to figure out whether we should have a big party or we

should just do a little family thing. What are you guys doing? And everything inside

me was like, I wanna get into this right now. And I just wanted to

be like, I don't know. We're figuring it out, which wouldn't have been a

lie necessarily, but still. Instead, I just decided to meet

that moment with ease and complete truth.

And I said, Luca isn't graduating. And she

immediately just looked so uncomfortable, you know, embarrassed, maybe that she asked the

question maybe embarrassed for me. She's like, oh, my gosh, I'm so so sorry. And

I just very confidently and calmly said, no,

it's a good thing. He has been focusing on his mental health. And that

comes first. And there's something about that moment that made me realize,

wow, actually very much okay with our story. I'm very much okay with our

authentic story. I'm very much okay with my son's authentic story even though it's

very different from all of his friends. And there's something about it when you speak

your truth, not in a I didn't say it in like a defensive way. I

didn't make excuses for it. I just said it. I said what it is.

And then when my son graduated, somebody mentioned something about

like, oh, he graduated late. And I said, no, no, no, no, no. He graduated

on time, his time. And that's what it is about.

It's about what is your journey and your story without comparing

to anybody else or anything else. And then when you reach your time,

even if it's different than anybody else's time, celebrate it. Don't be embarrassed about it.

Celebrate it. We humans miss out on celebrating so many

incredible moments in our life because we're embarrassed or worried

about judgment. But if we put all of that aside, my

goodness, our authentic stories are so beautiful. They're messy and

imperfect and different than everybody else's, but there's so much beauty in

there. You just gotta appreciate the beauty instead of constantly

dismissing and comparing. Yes. I I just totally

agree with all of that. I was just so resonating with what you're saying and

not planning even what I was going to say next. I was just, like, feeling

it. But I just think that it's so important for us to

be able to I love how you were able to just tell your story.

Like, this is how it is without shame, without judgment, but also without

feeling like you need to defend yourself. Because I feel like even for me, a

lot of times, I feel like if I am going to tell, like, something really

that feels really raw or to me, like I feel like I almost need to

defend myself like, oh, because what are they going to think? And just when

you can just really just lay it out there and make this is how it

is. And this is our story. And I think especially for

teachers where there are standards and benchmarks, this is when

graduation is. And people will be, oh, well, these kids, they're so

behind. And one thing I even wrote in my book too, in one of the

sections, I'm like, what if they're not behind? What if that's exactly where they

are supposed to be right now? Exactly. And, like, and as I'm home, like

Somebody decided what's right for every human. Every human is gonna

take this long to can you imagine if we forced our kids, you have to

walk by 10 months because somebody decided that at 10 months you have to be

walking. And then one kid, one of your kids is walking at 10 months. You're

like, great. Good. That kid's fine. And the other kid is taking a year and

a half to walk and you're freaking out and you're feeling like a loser. No.

That wouldn't happen. That sometimes I mean, sometimes parents play themselves. Please don't. But we

don't set these silly timelines on everything. And

if we did, life would be really hard. Can you imagine if by 30 years

old, you have to be making this much money and you have to own this?

Everybody's journey is different. So if your kid needs more time,

your kid needs more time. That does not mean your kid is stupid. Your kid

probably has strengths that those other kids that are graduating time do not have. And

that's great. Let's celebrate those. But what I realized

is and that moment at Trader Joe's parking lot really played up played

that way too, is that I have a choice whether I want to be happy

and at peace or live for other people's approval. I cannot have both.

Another thing I've tested out a 1000000 times, guys. I'm telling you. I did all

the research. You cannot have both. And so in that moment in that Trader Joe's

parking lot, if I was just worried about her approval, I would have said, oh,

yeah. We're not sure yet. We'll figure it out. And then I walked would have

walked away. And what would I have felt? I would have felt fake a little

bit probably because I'm usually more blunt than that. I would have felt a little

icky. I would have felt weird. I would have been like, gosh, did I answer

did you see it in my face? Did you know it? Right. Instead, I walked

away going, I don't care what she thinks. That felt really good.

That felt really good to just speak it. I felt so

free. So make a choice. Do you want peace of mind

or do you wanna live for somebody else's approval? You cannot have both. Yes. I

think that's so important. And I think sometimes we think, oh, well, by doing that,

I will have peace. But it really what I've learned with people pleasing is we're

just trying to manipulate how they feel. But the thing is we can't control how

other people think or feel. Like, you could say what you think they want

and they could still think negative things. And if they do, then how that

doesn't necessarily impact you either. Like, whatever she thinks

about your son graduating, no matter what you said, you don't have control of.

Right? Not just that, but if you're trying to get people's

approval, you gotta have like you gotta keep a spreadsheet. Okay? It's gonna be

very complicated because these people are gonna want this from you and then these

people are only gonna prove with you at this way. These people want you to

pair completely differently with those people. They think you should do this. You're gonna lose

your mind. Right? You're gonna have to carry this spreadsheet and go, okay, I'm talking

to you. Hold on one second. Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay. I know what to say. You

can't live like that. No. You're never gonna I I just did this

speech at a conference, and my speech was called, you're right. They

don't like you. And every other speech at the conference was all positive,

and they're like, what is this speech? But that's the truth. Somebody doesn't like you.

Right now, as you're listening to this podcast, somebody doesn't like you. They don't like

the way you look. They don't like the way you dress. They don't like the

way you parent. They don't like your personality. So what?

Stop trying to win with everybody else. Go to bed knowing you made

yourself proud. The end. The end. Yes. I

totally agree with that. It's like we need to have

our own backs. We need to be able to love

ourselves how we are and whatever anybody else thinks.

Like, if we can go to bed knowing that we were true to

ourselves and that we parented the way that felt good to

us and taught our students the way that felt true and

authentic and supportive of them. Like, we can feel good about

ourselves. Yeah. This what I'm about to say is a tough one and I would

say even controversial. Some people will disagree. But I have learned that

I don't want my children to constantly worry about making

me proud. I don't even say that make me proud. I don't want them to

live for anybody's approval including mine. So a lot of time when they ask me

for advice or anything, I will say to them, what do you think

is the best decision? I can share my opinion with you, but I wanna know

what feels good in your heart. What do you think is the best next

thing? Because I wanna teach them trust yourself and live in a

way that's gonna make you proud. Not not happy. We're not talking about shallow happiness.

Okay? But what is actually gonna make you proud? Like, you're

gonna go to bed and be like, I really like the human I am. I

really like the choices I make. I'm really proud of those. Because

if we are constantly making sure that our kids are making us proud, if you

can't make mom proud, my goodness. That's a lot of pressure. And you they they

will never be able to be fully authentic. I 100% agree with you. I want

my kids to do what they feel good about. And, as they grow up, like,

my kids are still pretty young. My oldest, he's turning 10 next

week, actually. And then I have a 7 year old and a 4 year old,

but I just hope that as they grow up, I'm not like, oh, you need

to do this. You need to do that. And even now, as they're starting to

make more choices and things for themselves, I want them to know that I just

love them for the people who they are. And if they're more into math or

they're more into my daughter, she's definitely way more into singing than

she is, you know, core subjects, and I love it. She'll get up and sing

anywhere. And it's just beautiful to see how each of them

grow into themselves and whatever that is. I

I'm just all here for it. Yeah. I love that. I mean, my kids are

so spread out in ages. My middle one is 19. She's in college. And she

called me the other day, and she was having an issue with a friend. And

she was, like, asked me for advice. And immediately,

I I had the best advice. Oh, good. I just had the most

brilliant wisdom, but I shut up. I'm being sarcastic. I mean, I thought I

did in the moment. I was like, oh, I know how to solve this. But

I decided to shut up and not spew my wisdom. And

instead I said, so what do you think? What do you think you should do?

And then she figured it out. She processed it out loud. And how empowering is

that for a kid instead of us telling a, well, you need to talk to

her and you need to tell her that and I even with my youngest, he's

in 4th grade and I still do it. He'll say, oh, this is bugging me

and instead of immediately running to fix it, I go, okay, so what

do you think would help this situation? Yeah. That is that

is parenting. If parenting is about setting our children up to be

responsible adults, good, kind, good

humans, that is the best way to set them up for that. Don't don't just

rush to fix and tell them what to do. Help them learn how to process

it and figure out what is the best thing to do. I love that and

that's really what I learned in my coach training. It's more about asking good questions

that will help them discover And we can do this as parents, as

teachers as well. What questions can we ask them? Keep it more open

for them to be like, okay, to figure it out for themselves, to

help guide them. Yeah. But to guiding them to what feels good for them

rather than, okay, here's what you need to do, like you were saying. Okay. Well,

this has been amazing, just like our last interview, and I'm

so excited to have you at educate and rejuvenate 2024

again. And, we haven't fully talked about I don't even know. I just know what

see, I'm just like, whatever Christina shows up and talks about, it's gonna be amazing.

And so I'm just really excited for it. But what do our listeners have to

look forward to at your keynote this year? I mean, I

am my goal in everything I do is to be further as what

I needed when I was at my lowest. As always, I'm gonna share some personal

stories and things, but hopefully just help everybody who's listening

feel less alone in whatever crazy life has thrown their way. And

then maybe share a few little things that have worked for me. It doesn't mean

it's gonna work for everybody, but just give those little takeaways or at least those

little change in perspective. I love that. And I should let you

know too that we had a lot of people when I did our reveal call

who were really excited that you were speaking, doing the

keynote again. So we're all really happy to have you back. And

I don't know if this is gonna air, but I'm coming to Salt Lake City.

Is that where you're are you in Salt Lake City? City. Yeah. But we're putting

it all over. Talk about the whole tour. Yeah. I'm

all over the place. 1st in Canada, 4 cities, and then we're in Washington,

4 cities, and then Salt Lake City and 4 cities in Ohio,

Chicago, Detroit, Boston. I'm probably missing some, but you can go

to my website, kristina with akkuzmichkuzmic.com

backslash tour, and you can see all the cities. But I'm

in Salt Lake. That's the only city I'm in for 2 nights. I'm so

I have my tip VIP ticket already. So and I'm my

mom, like, we need to go early. I need to be, like, front row.

Aw. I'm excited. I'm excited to see you. It's gonna be a great

time. Okay. Where else can our listeners connect with you online and

also pre ordering your book? And then definitely go to Christina's website

if she's coming to your city or even near your city. Honestly, it's worth traveling

to. You're you wanna go. You wanna see Christina live,

but where else? Yeah. So I'm on on social media everywhere, Instagram,

Facebook, all those places at Mitch. And then,

what else did you ask me? You asked me one more other thing that happened.

It's like online. The book. Yes. Pre order. The book is available

for pre order. If you preorder it now, it'll be at your house on

May 21st. Publishers love preorders.

So if you're planning on getting it anyway, please preorder. It'll make them very

happy. But, yeah, I can fix this and otherwise, I told myself while parenting

my struggling child. Perfect. And there's a body book and a Kindle

on every version you need. Yeah. I'm getting all the versions because I I love

I love listening to you, but then I've already preordered it on my Kindle. And

then at your event, I'm gonna get a few books. So everybody you would say

is appropriate for me to get for you to sign and give away to people

who are listening to this podcast. I would love to sign

them. Hey. I will I will totally do that. Alright. Thank you,

Christina, for your time. Always love chatting with you and hearing all

that you have to share. Thank you so much. To follow Christina

on all the places and order that book. Thank you so much for

having me. I appreciate it. Wasn't that incredible? I

just love Christina, and I hope that you enjoyed this interview

and got something out of it and felt not alone. We were here to see

you and validate what you might have been feeling or experiencing or seeing

others feel and experience as well. Now if you

loved what she had to share, be sure to listen to her past interview. That

past interview I did with her, if you haven't. That one's called Hope, Humor, and

Inspiration from Christina Kuzmich, and we re aired it recently. So

it shouldn't be too long for you to scroll and find it. But if you

want even more, if you want to be able to actually connect with Christina in

real time, don't miss this year's educate and rejuvenate event. We've

been talking about it a lot on this episode, but I just wanna make sure

that you don't forget. It's going to be such a good time, and I would

love to see you there. So go to educateandrejuvenate.com, or the

link in the show notes to snag your ticket. If you have any questions, send

an email to hello at educateandrejuvenate.com, or

dm me on Instagram, and we hope to see you

there. In the meantime, be sure to stay tuned because next week, I'm

interviewing Malia Hollowell all about the science of reading

and your small reading groups. And that has been

a common request of learning about small reading groups, and I also know science of

reading is very important. And so why not combine both of those together?

So you won't wanna miss next week's interview. Make sure you're subscribed, and

we'll talk then.

If you enjoyed this episode, please hit subscribe so you don't miss the next

one. And, if you're hungry for more, be sure to check out the book that

I wrote. It's called Educate and Rejuvenate, a 3 step guide to revitalize

your teaching, renew your spirit, and reignite your passion for

life. It is scheduled to be released in the summer of 2024.

This book takes all the life coaching skills we talk about here on the podcast

and puts them together in one easy to understand guide. Plus, when you

pre order, you'll receive a PDF workbook and additional resources to

deepen your understanding and application of the concepts we've covered on the

book and on this podcast. You won't find these resources anywhere

else. Visit the link in the show notes to join the wait list and be

the 1st to know when the book becomes available for pre order. Let's continue

this journey of growth and rejuvenation together. Until next time.