On a recent post on my blog,

I was asked a question,

which is very significant today,

and it was a gentleman who was struggling

with his sexuality, his identity,

and frightened about opening up and coming

out, if you will, about

his sexual identity.

And he was wondering,

what can I do to help me

allow myself to be myself

in front of people?

So what I'm about to say is probably

going to be challenging to some of you,

but going to say it anyway.

We are more concerned about other people's

reaction to us when we're concerned

about our own reaction to ourself.

When we point our finger out there,

it usually means we're pointing

something back at ourself.

When you're certain about your

identity, you are certain about it,

and you're going to embrace that.

And if you have retaliation and

reactions from people, you go, okay,

because you know that's who you are and

that's what you're planning on being,

and that's how you're going to live,

and you might as well get over it,

get on with it.

But if there's a part of

you that's hesitant and not

certain and you don't want

to let it out, and because it

could change, even that change,

you got to be able to have to embrace

in your life, if you decide to change,

because you're perfectly capable of

changing your sexual identity as you go

along, or your sexual preferences.

So first, if you think somebody's

going to react, your parents,

your loved one's, friends,

imagine if all of a sudden you

were to tell them what was,

what you believed was true for you,

and find out how it benefits them.

Because if you don't see the

benefit, how letting them know that,

and you see more drawbacks than

benefits, you're going to be frightened.

Fear is an assumption that you're about

to get more negatives than positives,

more challenges than

supports from somebody.

And so if you find out the benefits to

them and you present it in a way on how

it is a benefit to finally be able

to be yourself and you're humbly let

that out, in the sense

of saying, Hey, this is,

I've had hesitancy about bringing this

out because I didn't want to deal with

your reaction, but I just want to

let you know that this is who I am.

When you are really clear about it

and you embrace that part of yourself,

people around you adapt. I've seen

people at first maybe have a reaction,

that's not uncommon, but maybe

not. Maybe they go, okay,

well that's the way it is.

I know I've in my life,

been around people of all different

sexual preferences and on the spectrum,

and as long as they,

whatever they are, homo,

hetero or anywhere in between, it don't

interfere with my life, that's fine,

I have no issue with it. If they're

now trying to impose something on me,

I might react. So,

communicate your identity as

clearly and clearly as possible

and write down the benefits

to them of knowing,

and to adapting for it.

But mainly write down the benefits

to you of being truthful to yourself.

Otherwise, you're going to

be living with a repression.

And many times that's that eventually

causes more of a health issue and more of

a psychological issue than it

does to just deal with reactions.

If you're addicted to praise,

criticism is going to hurt.

If you're wanting to

be liked by everybody,

you're not going to be liked by everybody.

If you're not acknowledging that you're

the hero and villain in the world,

and you're trying to be the hero,

not the villain, and the saint,

not the sinner if you will,

then you're not going to go very

far in life because life is going to

automatically surround you with people

that like and dislike what you do,

no matter what it is. I don't care.

I've had people that judge me for my

language because it's not necessarily

always spectrum. It's

polarized sometimes. Okay?

So they can be upset with

it. And I learned from it.

I learned how to communicate more

effectively, and you win out of it.

In the long run, you adapt.

So write down the benefits

to you of speaking up.

Write down the benefits to the people

that you're concerned about their

reaction. Write down the benefits

to yourself of their reaction.

The worst case scenario.

If you can find out how you can use

that to your advantage. And know this,

you won't be reacting. And know this,

that no matter how many times

you have people challenging you,

there'll be supporters. The more the

rejection, the more the acceptance.

They come in pairs.

So if you're worried about

somebody rejecting and just

know other people will be

supporting you. And don't get

attached to one form. In Buddhism,

they said, watch out for the attachments.

We get infatuated with people,

we fear their loss. We get resentful

to people, we fear their gain.

If we love them for who they

are, and we're neutral on them,

we adapt.

So don't project an expectation

everybody's supposed to

like you or think that's

great whatever you do,

just be true to yourself.

Unto thyself. Be true as they

say. And if that's what it is.

But if you're not certain about it,

then you're probably going to hesitate

because you don't want to cause mis

reactions until you're certain. But

if you are certain, then honor it.

When you love yourself, so does the

world. They'll adapt, they'll respond.

I've met people, like I say, from all

different levels of sexual, you know,

preferences, and they're

all worthy of love.

No matter what you've done or not done,

you're worthy of love. That's the key.

So stick to the authenticity.

Your body will create signs and symptoms

to guide you back to authenticity.

Be honest with yourself. If you

have a certain preference, then,

certain identity, then okay.

But if you're not certain,

don't blame other people

for their reactions.

That's your own fear that's

running you. So find out,

fear's only the drawbacks more than

benefits. Find out how it benefits you,

no matter what they do,

so you can use it to your advantage

and see it on the way, not in the way.

And give yourself permission to be you,

because you don't want to have to fit

into the world's idea about who you're

supposed to be when you're not. But

be sure that's what's true for you.

If you're not certain, you'll

probably hesitate. If you are certain,

declare the truth.

The magnificence of who you are is far

greater than any fantasies you hold onto

yourself about. So anyway,

just wanted to share that.

Give yourself permission to be yourself.