Hi, and welcome back to the awfully quiet podcast. I am really excited for you to tune in today. This conversation is one I wanted to have for a really long time. And I was actually looking for the perfect guest to talk to us about networking for introverts, just because I always felt like my own experience in networking really wasn't enough to, you know, credibly cover an episode.

On this. And I felt like we needed an expert, but halfway through kind of laying out what I wanted this to be and what I think you need to become better at networking. I realized it's actually not about. Making introverts better networkers and equipping introverts with the tools they need to work the room like an extrovert.

It's a lot about the way we think about ourselves. It's a lot about the way we talk to ourselves that makes or breaks. How we feel in those situations, how we feel going into networking, conversation, social gatherings, meetings, whatever it is. So, at the end of the day, I decided to go for it and record an episode for you.

That's going to bring you. A little bit of both. A mindset shift that I feel we really need to make as introverts to thrive at networking and some really tangible tips and tools of how we can approach networking in a way that sets us apart. That's just a little different to what the extroverts do. And that actually leans into our power a lot more than some of the conventional advice.

So I hope you'll end up enjoying this episode. There's a little bit of everything in here. We'll start with a new approach and a concept that I call awkward authenticity. And then we'll get into networking situations and some tools and tips that I feel like. are going to be really meaningful for you to give a try and just kind of test out for you and how you can apply these principles and tools to real life examples.

at the end of the day, what I want to achieve with this episode is the way we speak to ourselves about Networking. I do not want you moving forward to think that networking is something that you just can't thrive at something where you need to be a different person or be more extroverted, be more outgoing, be more of anything.

I feel like there is definitely a place for us extroverts. I feel like we definitely belong. And in those rooms, in those conversations with those people, we just need a slightly different way to go about it. We need a different playbook. And this is my attempt of giving you that playbook. So without further ado, I'm really excited that you're here.

Let's dive in.

All right. So I'm actually really excited about This idea of awkward authenticity, and I'm going to talk more about what that actually means, but I want to paint a little bit of a picture here for you. So I feel like when it comes to being awkward and feeling out of place, conventional career advice out there will often give you tips and tricks for how to Hide your awkward, how to leave it at the door and get rid of it.

Now, what I want to offer you today and what that concept of awkward authenticity is, is I do not want you to leave your awkward at the door because I think part of who you are, part of what you have to offer, part of that rich personality actually is that feeling. of, you know, being a little out of place, feeling awkward, being a little bit too quiet for some people.

And that is not helpful. I think what ends up happening to most people entering a networking event is they leave some of their personality at the door and they put on this mask of like a certain behavior, a certain role, a certain personality that works for these type of networking events.it's that outgoing, that loud, that, you know, chatty, you know, putting on the small talk, putting on the smile and it's just a little fake, isn't it?

And I feel like we need to evolve this whole thing of networking into something that is a little more progressed. And I actually think that us introverts have to lead the way on this one. Now, bear with me. What I want to say is that I feel like walking into a networking situation, leaving your awkward at the door and putting on that mask is actually the worst thing that could happen to you.

Like, this is actually worse than standing around there, you know, quietly feeling awkward. Because at the end of the day, networking. is to build meaningful connections is to have great genuine conversations. and it's to build, you know, relationships, meet new people. and, and, and that's what it's for at the end of the day.

And you can't do these things when you show up as somebody who you are, you are not really are. So that's what it is. Plus, I feel like if you walk in with that mask on, You know, faking that kind of extroverted behavior, it drains your energy. It feels inauthentic. And at the end of the day, it's not what people want.

People don't want to meet that version of you. They want to connect with who you really are on the inside. And this is actually backed. By science. So there was a Harvard business school study that showed that when people show up as their authentic selves, they build stronger relationships and overall feel less anxious.

And here's what I really love. What it says is that authenticity is more appealing and trustworthy Then charm or charisma. I'm going to say that again. Authenticity is more appealing and trustworthy than charm and charisma. Now, the reason why I love this so much is because most of my career, I wished I was somebody who had more charisma.

I would always look at the extroverts, like the extroverted leaders in the organization at the company who were really good at just kind of, you know, putting on that, that charm that, you know, convincing energy that like keynote speaker energy. And. Really got people on their side through their charm and charisma.

And I always thought to myself, well, I just don't have that. I am not likable like that.I'm a lot more quieter. I will never achieve being that charming. And I probably don't want to be that charming if I'm being really honest. So hearing that authenticity and being true to who you are. is actually more appealing than being somebody who is overly charismatic.

I'll take it. I really like that. And it fuels this whole concept of awkward authenticity. So what I mean by that is really embracing who you are and owning these moments of feeling awkward. You don't need to be the loudest in the room. You don't need to be the person who's outgoing and chats to everyone.

You can create meaningful. Conversations. You can create, you know, genuine relationships. You can have a really, really good time at events like this. As long as you bring your awkward, as long as you do not hide it, as long as you show up with all that you are and as you know, your full personality, your full, your full person.

And, what I want to do in the next part. Is show you how you can actually apply that, how you can bring that to life, like how, what it looks like to bring your awkward, not to hide it, but to like, put it on the table, have it out there and leverage it. How does it become a superpower? And I have a few examples for you from various different.

networking situation. So like the typical networking events, but also job interviews, because I think many people underestimate how much of job interviews is actually networking. Like this is networking skills, like connecting with the recruiter, connecting with the hiring team. A lot of this goes back to great networking skills and yeah, I feel that's going to be really meaningful for you.

So. Without further ado, let's look at some of these examples.

So what I want to do is I want to take that abstract concept of awkward authenticity and give you some real life examples of how you can actually use that, how you can leverage your awkward, how you can use it as a power and not hide it, not leave it at the door. So when it comes to networking situations, I feel like When we go into conversations with strangers and we feel awkward, we feel like we don't really know what to say.

The easiest thing to embrace how you feel is to actually talk about it, address the elephant in the room and say, you know what? Networking events always feel a little awkward to me. How about you? This immediately breaks the ice and I would say nine times out of 10 makes the other person feel relieved because that is how most people feel about networking events, about social gatherings.

You'll see that a lot of people feel a little awkward. Like nobody really likes to talk, you know, there's going to be some extroverts who like talking to strangers and like making connection. we'll leave that to them, but most people will feel a little bit of unease. To a certain extent, so I think addressing that right off the bat can feel so relieving for you.

What it also does, it removes those initial kind of barriers. It's like, it's, it requires a certain level of vulnerability for you to say something like that for you to address, you know what, I feel a little awkward at these events. I'm not, you know, good at small talk, but you know, it's great to meet you.

It's just kind of, it's, it's just brings a level of honesty that I think it really does immediately break the ice and it's a gift that you can give. It's a gift you can give to another person of. Like being bold enough to show up in that way. Now you can do the same thing when it comes to job interviews.

I know that, a lot of you feel a little awkward, a little nervous going into job interviews too. And you can do the same thing there. It's like when you, when you are nervous, when you feel awkward, you can own that. By just being really honest with the interviewing team with the hiring team and say, you know what interviews do make me a little nervous, but I am really excited about this opportunity.

I'm excited to meet you, talk more about this role that you have, because I think I would be really suitable. So, this is something that you can easily say as they walk you to the room, or when they ask you a question that you feel kind of nervous about and the reason why it works. It makes you relatable.

It shows that you're honest rather than pretending to be like calm or perfect. I can tell you this because I've. back in the day when I was an HR business partner and I did a lot of recruitment, you can sense, you can feel if somebody feels out of place, if somebody doesn't feel like in their own skin during an interview and it's fine.

Like interview situations, let's be honest, they are not real life situations. They are. yeah, very theoretic conversations, and it's not every day that you have a conversation like this. So, somebody who addresses that, somebody who says, you know what, I'm excited to be here. I just gotta say, sometimes I just have a feeling like I'm not my best when I answer these questions.

and so, yeah, I'm just, I'm just hoping that we can have a good conversation regardless. Every once in a while, I might need a little bit of time to collect my thoughts and to, you know, give an answer. And yeah, I'm glad to be joining you here today and talk about this role. Honestly, Once you get something like that off your chest, I promise you, it'll be a different conversation, whether you're at a networking event or a job interview at, you know, at a one to one that you feel kind of awkward about, it addresses, it embraces how you feel.

It breaks the ice, it removes the barriers, and it's a very courageous thing to do. Nobody is going to walk away thinking, Oh, what was that awkward introvert about? Like, you know, being nervous. No, it shows strength. It shows courage. And I think it leaves a really good impression and you should definitely try it.

Now, the next thing I want to touch on when it comes to, you know, networking. Conversations and networking tips is, to think about the goal behind networking a little differently. Like, I feel like there's always been this expectation of going into a networking event and Making as many connections as you possibly can, like leaving your business card with so many different people.

I should tell you a story about myself back when I had business cards. It was a long time ago. I don't think we do these anymore these days, but there was a time early in my career when I had business cards, when I worked with clients. And whenever I went to a networking event, I would actually tell people, Oh, I forgot my business I forgot my, business cards in my drawer at the office.

I'm so sorry, but the honest, the truth is I don't want anyone to have my number. I don't want anybody calling me. Like, thank God I went into marketing and I don't really need to work with clients anymore. and these days I even get offended when somebody gives me a Teams call out of the blue. So. Yeah, I'm not giving out my business cards.

I don't have business cards anymore. I don't have an email signature and that's that, but I'm happy for you to send me a DM whenever you want. that's different, but it's just the kind of vibe, that I have when it comes to networking. So,what I think is important here is to say that it is not about quantity anymore.

It is not about meeting as many people as you can. But it's about making the connections that you end up making as meaningful as possible. And this is actually backed by, research that was done on LinkedIn. And it says that building a few key, meaningful connections. Is often more valuable than a large network of superficial context.

And you will have heard this, be referenced by Abby last week who talked about her experience on LinkedIn and her following on LinkedIn. And she kind of said that, you know what, it's not about the number of followers that you have. It's about. The quality of the connections that you have, how engaged your audience is, and who you're talking to and how many of those followers, how many of those connections are actually ones that are, you know, rich and meaningful and you have had a real conversation and that is so much more pop is so much more powerful than a follower who never interacts and probably followed you at one point and.

Doesn't know about you at all. So focus on deep conversations with a few people rather than trying to quote unquote work the room. You don't need to be working the room. If you walk into a networking event and you have a meaningful conversation with one person, job done. I think that's it. if you end up talking to, you know, one or two people, it's absolutely fine.

I think that's what we need to remember, and that's what we need to reframe a little bit. and maybe even think about how much time we spend at these events, like, I know often they will go on for hours and hours, and it will be like drinks and cocktails and, you know, dinner or whatnot, but you can also go to an event and stay 30 minutes.

And if in those 30 minutes you have had a meaningful conversation, go home and call it a day. I mean, you know, don't trust what I say because I'm clearly not a networker, but for me, this is already added value. For me, this is already, you know, one more connection than I had before. So great. I'm going to call that a success.

Now, the next thing I want to talk about is when you're in these conversations, how powerful it can be to be a great listener. And you know this, we've talked about this a lot. You will know this from your own experience is that as introverts, we often excel at listening, but what we may underestimate is how much of an impression we can leave by being great listeners.

I think this is, this is often underestimated. There was a study from Forbes that shows that people are more positively inclined towards those who are good listeners. It says that people who feel like they are truly heard and they've been listened to, they feel acknowledged, they feel appreciated. It gives the other person so much of a good feeling.

And you know what? I think that that sense, that feeling of feeling heard and being seen, it's so powerful in this day and age. If you go into a networking event and you just listen to somebody else. It's such a gift that you can bring. It's such a, you know, show of recognition, of appreciation. You listening to someone else, making them feel hurt.

You don't need to say a single thing. And I feel like that is really powerful. I feel like that is something that is often underestimated and is something that will actually help you show up to these events, not feeling like somebody who is out of place, But feeling like somebody who actually has to give something, you have that superpower.

You are a great listener. So give it, give that gift to someone, show up as this person. And that can be something that makes you feel like you do belong. That is a value that you can bring. It's a win win. And I feel like it is beautiful. So really think about it, see it as a superpower. Don't just think like, well, I should have probably said something, or I feel like I didn't talk too much.

no, you don't have to talk much at all. Just be a good listener again, job done. Now, if you do feel like you want to steer the conversation a little bit, you want to make sure that You know, you're not just listening. You're not just passive. You, you, you do want to steer, some of the, the chatter away from, you know, the usual, the small talk and you want to navigate and turn that into deep talk.

I think that is something that could be really meaningful as well. I think that small talk can often feel really pointless for us introverts. Like we will not see the point in small talk at all. And I think what it also does, it can feel exhausting. Like I get that, you know, small talk at the coffee machine with one person at the office in the morning.

Great. Happy to do that. But a conglomerate of small talk, like small talk the whole night at a networking event with so many different people. That is exhausting. So what you can do is you can use the small talk. When you're in small talk, you can use it to jump it into a, into a deeper, more meaningful conversation to redirect it.

How can you do that? You could ask a question, you could ask them about something that they're currently, working on. A prompt that I really like is. What are you working on at the moment that really excites you? Was there anything that you've done in the past couple of months that Was challenging for you or that you learned from or whatever it is, but it just kind of steers away from the usual, you know, how are you doing, what's the weather, how do you like the cocktail or even like, so what do you do for a living?

No, nobody wants to talk about that anymore. We want to talk about something that, you know, lights the other person up. People love talking about their passions and that makes it a lot more of an engaging and memorable conversation. just think about it. Like, I would really like to talk about some of the things that excite me.

Maybe there are even things that I would like to talk about that I'm never being asked about. So you could ask the other person, you know, is there anything that has been sort of under the radar that has been happening in the dark? You know how it is in, big corporate.structures is that there will always be some projects that are.

Really have a spotlight and are super, super visible, but they will also always be people who do very meaningful work that never gets seen, that often gets underestimated. So using some of these prompts to go from small talk into deep talk can allow you to tap into some of what's happening behind the scenes.

And again, I feel like this is such a great service. that you can bring such a value add to these conversations, to these situations and conversations. And again, I feel like we can totally change this whole networking game by being a little bit more interested, being a little bit more excited, not just talking about the shiny big projects that everybody talks about.

Ask them about what's happening behind the scenes, what's happening in the dark. Ah, I love that. It's, it's, I feel like it's such a good way for us to thrive, to bring what we do really, really well. And at the end of the day, do some really great work that is actually a service to our communities at work and to our colleagues.

So, yeah, I feel really excited about this. I think I'm going to give that one a try.another one that I feel is potentially something that you can use, especially when it comes to job interviews, is when you're faced with a tough question or when you're faced with a question that you don't instantly know the answer to.

And I know that that is a big part of why you might feel anxious about job interviews in the first place, is that situation of being asked questions, of being interrogated and not really knowing what, what's the answer that they want to hear. I don't really know what you want to hear from me, so I don't really know what to say.

and there's usually this expectation of having to give an answer right away, of having to like, Jump into the answer, you know, instantly and immediately and be brilliant and well articulated and have three killer examples at hand and so on and so on. But what I want to offer you is a slightly different approach here.

And again, it's about honoring how you feel in that moment. And if you feel like you could really use a couple seconds to think about this question before you give your answer, then that's what you're going to do. Pause. You can say, that is a great question. Can I think about that for a second? I know that, you know, now that you're hearing that you're like, well, I'm never going to do that in an interview.

Like how strange would that be to like sit there in silence and then think about it. But honestly, I think you can pull it off. I think you can give that a try. Again, from a perspective of a hiring manager or a recruiter, and I have been a recruiter in the past, I would much rather someone wait a few seconds until they answer, then have someone start to blabber something and miss the point.

and give an answer that, you know, that that's not really an answer to the question. I know that happens a lot in interviews because it's this construed, situation. So I'd say give that a try, pause before answering a question. And there is actually a really good example of Somebody who does that really, really beautifully.

And that person is Emma Watson. I've seen a couple of examples and a couple of interviews where you can really see that she pauses before answering a question. and that is. Just really, really thoughtful and sincere. You don't see that all too often. I think Emma Watson is a really good example of somebody who is highly intelligent.

very, very smart. And also an introvert. And you can literally see, I'm gonna, Put that video in the show notes, a, an interview that Emma did with British Vogue, and you can actually see her take a couple of seconds and think she even closes her eyes. She puts her like forehead in her palm and she's like, she's actually thinking, and it's so beautiful that I want to cry because it's so empowering.

It should give us all so much of a reason to. Embrace our inner workings and how much of our energy comes from inside and that we sometimes just need a couple seconds to think about something before we answer. So I feel like if you want to try this for the very first time, maybe an interview situation is a little bit of a high stakes situation to do this, but you can do this in a meeting or you can do this in a, in a one on one conversation or in a career conversation.

When you're being asked a question, you can just kind of say, Oh, Let me think about that for a second. And then you give the answer, just kind of use that muscle, use that a little bit more to like get into it. I feel like at the end of the day, this can be really powerful for us. this is actually one of the, one of the ones that, I have not tried before, so I'm really interested to try this and I would love to hear from you if you've tried it out.

Now the final one that I want to leave you with in terms of actionable tips on how to succeed, how to thrive in networking situations, maybe even in job interviews as an introvert is written followups. So, you know how sometimes you're being advised to write an email. after a job interview, like a, like a thoughtful follow up note, but I think even with like networking situations, sometimes I would talk to somebody at work and then afterwards they would just ping me a Teams message and say, Oh, this is, what I was talking about.

This is the video that I wanted to show you. This is, what I was, you know, referencing here and there. And it's such a thoughtful thing to do with like, Oh, you know what? We talked about this thing. Here is what I meant by it. Or here is a link to the site that has the information that we talked about.

And again, I feel like this is something that just kind of goes a little bit of an extra mile and is also something that It's really introvert friendly because it gives us a little bit of time to digest and then to leave a meaningful note, to craft something, to write something out again. I feel like in spoken language, it often takes us a little bit of time to become really sharp, to become really articulate.

But when we write things down, that. can become really powerful for us as a tool to communicate as a tool to say, you know what, I really enjoyed that conversation. Would love a follow up at some point here is something that I just read. And I thought about you and the conversation that we had have a look.

If you get a chance. And that's it. it can be really short. It can be meaningful. Again, you can do the same thing.when you, when you go into a job interview, like however you leave the job interview, sometimes it feels like we just blew it, but you know what, send a follow up note and say, I really enjoyed this interview.

I'm really interested in this role. Maybe some of the things that you ended up not articulating as well as you wanted to articulate it. Put it on an email, say it, write it out and see what happens. I think this is an introverted strength that we're not using as much as we could. and yeah, that's another thing that I feel can really bring it home, can really make those connections that we make meaningful.

It brings the quality, it adds value. And again, it's just something that I feel like we can do really well as introverts. Thanks.

All right. So I feel like we covered a lot today and I really wanted you to have a rich toolkit and playbook of like how you show up, how you do things differently. How can you bring your awkward? How can you be a little unconventional? How can you bring something different to those events? Show up as you are.

And also as introverts, how can we flip the script on the way we feel about ourselves? In these situations, because I always feel like we just kind of think there is no way we're ever going to thrive at networking events. We always feel out of place. We're just not made for it. I hope that this conversation leaves you feeling like, actually, I have a lot of things to bring to these events.

To make them better, to bring value, to, you know, leave gifts and, and, and be of service to the people at these events, because there are things that you can bring, you can, you know, ask the deep questions, you can listen to somebody else, you can build meaningful connections, you can follow up. And you can really bring some depths, some, you know, new perspective, some insightful questions that are going to enrich this whole experience.

I really hope that that landed with you today and that you feel differently about networking moving forward. It's not this dreadful event that you will never feel good at. It's an event that you should bring your whole self to your awkward authenticity and really lean into it. Be your full self. Do not leave that at the door because it's what makes you great.

It's what makes you special. It's what makes you unique and gives you a little bit of an edge over everything else there, over everyone else there. So stop running from your awkwardness. And use it as a tool for connection and authenticity. And I really want you to test some of these things out. Like we talked about so many different tools and techniques today.

If you end up testing them over the next couple of weeks and months, or whenever you listen to this episode, and I want you to, I want to hear about your experience, I would love for you to send me a DM at awfully quiet podcasts and just say, you know what I tried this, here's what happened. I would just love to hear it.

I appreciate that not everything will work right from the start, but I feel like we have a job to do here introverts. We have a job to bring our quiet, to bring our awkward and transform the way we think about networking and transform the way these networking events, go about in the future. So with that.

I'll leave you to it. Stay awfully quiet. Test some of these things. leave me a message of how it went and what you want to hear more of in the future. And I'll hear you next week.