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Welcome to Parents Night out with no New Friends.

The comedy break every parent deserves.

This is the podcast where parenting meets pure unfiltered fun.

Real raw hilarity.

It's your night out without the kids.

Where nothing is off limits and we say what everybody else is thinking.

Whether you're a parent or just need a good laugh.

We've got the adult humor you crave.

So kick back, relax and get ready to let loose with us.

This is Parents Night out with no New Friends.

That's right.

You're listening to the no New Friends Friends podcast.

Voted number.

Wait a second, wait a second.

What a great start this is.

It's been a while since got the.

All right, all right.

Here's one.

Welcome to episode 14 of the Diz his podcast.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, not that one either.

So I'm just gonna wing it here.

I'm just gonna wing it.

Welcome to Parents Night out, the podcast where we, the parents and Darren get a well deserved break from the chaos that we call adulthood.

If you'd like to connect with us, please do so by following us on all of our socials that we posted.

Right down there in the description.

I'm point down like you're seeing something.

We're on YouTube right now.

We won't be on YouTube.

When you're listening to this on Apple podcast, just go to the description.

I'm proud of you.

You can do it.

I'm your host this evening.

Morning, afternoon.

Whatever time you might be listening to this.

I go by the name Chris, but you could just call me better than Scott.

Alongside me and virtual Suni are some of my favorite people in God's creator.

First we have our emotional support.

Gay Nick.

I get to go first.

Wow, you put the gay first.

Yay for dei.

The hospitality hero.

Sarah.

Oh wow.

I don't know how I feel about that one yet either, but.

Hi guys.

It's better than whatever Scott's come up with.

Chat GPT gave me that one.

The Wiseman Darren.com acknowledge me and reintroducing our friend, the wife of the zodiac killer of the Smoky Mountain.

It's Miranda.

What's up Chat?

GPT did not come up with that one.

Oh my God.

It was like I got flagged when I started to typing traits for that one.

Anyway, I do want to start this podcast, this episode off by by saying it is with a heavy heart that I do have to inform that Scott is not with us.

I had to include the words heavy because Scott is morbidly obese.

Now, he's still alive.

We just miss him dearly.

He's on a trip to Mexico, actually.

Is it a coincidence that he left the country as soon as the FBI director promised to release the epine files?

I don't know.

Probably not.

Without Scott hosting this week, that means you are stuck with me.

But it also means that there are no Cliff Notes.

So tonight.

So I figured I'd start off the show with a monologue instead, which actually started 45 seconds ago.

Now we have a new president.

Now, it's been about a month and a lot has changed in this country.

Now, one of the biggest things was getting rid of dei.

Diversity, equity, inclusion.

Sounds like a great thing to get rid of.

A lot of people think that's a bad thing, but I actually beg to differ because we were able to fire Scott since we didn't have to retain any high calorie humans anymore.

Now, I did say the term high calorie human, which is the politically correct way of saying someone who's overweight.

Now, while DEI is on, we aren't allowed to be throwing around offensive and racial slurs, which is another reason why we had to let Scott go.

I've been talking to Scott a lot on his vacation and it told me two things.

One, I'm very flattered to be a close friend that he calls during his vacations, and two, if he has a time to call me, it probably means he's not having a lot of sex with his wife, you know, which is fine because with the amount of alcohol consumption that he's had, nine months from now, we'd probably have another Darren situation.

He had an all inclusive resort in Mexico, so that means all you can drink.

Now, the one thing he complained about is all of his drinks that he had were room temperature.

Now, when he asked management about this, he said, they said there is absolutely no ice on premises.

I let that sink in.

Scott was worried about being able to return to Mexico because of all the deportations out of the United States.

Now I was just worried about his flight with all these plane crashes now I told him not to even worry about texting us.

I was just going to watch cnn.

I, I swear they have a ticker at the bottom of the screen with just plane crashes.

Now, ever since the new year, Trump claimed that we would win so much that we would get tired of winning.

Now, President Trump, if you Want to beat George Bush's plane accident record.

I think I'm tired of all the winning.

But anyway, that's all from me, guys.

How are you guys doing tonight?

Wow.

I don't know what's after that.

I was gonna say I got nothing.

I got.

And that is my monologue.

In all seriousness, I actually have no idea where I was going with that.

Anyway, Scott's not here with us tonight.

I am.

Darren's here, Miranda's here, Sarah's here, Nick's here.

Try to come up with a new nickname for Sarah.

Didn't stick.

Blame Chat GPT.

It's actually Grok.

It was Elon Musk's AI.

So just another reason to be upset with him right now.

Just add it.

Just add it to the list.

He doesn't like my people.

Okay.

Of course it's gonna.

My heart goes out to you.

Yeah.

Anyway, without Scott being here, it puts, like.

I don't even want to say a strain on the podcast because it really doesn't.

You get the absence of heavy breathing, which is kind of nice for listeners, kind of nice for Alex, who edits the podcast.

Oh, and also along with us tonight is our producer, Alex.

He says.

I was wondering if you're gonna totally forget all about me, Chris.

I'm a little offended.

I thought to have a night off until you told me Darren and Miranda was gonna be on tonight.

Gotta keep a vigilant eye on those.

Mic bumps and desk hits.

But anyway, Alex is gonna get a little bit easier of a job because he doesn't have to edit out all the heavy breathing.

The one person on this podcast that has the biggest burden this week is no other than the wise man Darren.

Because with Scott leaving the household, not that he's much of a father to begin with, but Darren, you have to fill the shoes of not just Scott, but also Rachel.

And you are the parent in the household, correct?

Correct.

I am the one and only parent to my 12 year old sister.

Yeah, 12.

You know how old she is.

Correct?

No, my parents had to leave me, like, strict instructions.

Make sure I feed her twice a day, put it in the food bowl, make sure I let her out at least three times a day.

Oh, that was for the dog.

Yeah.

Sounds more for the dog.

Yeah.

Probably left you a more detailed.

I have.

I have actually checked.

Yeah, she.

She's all right.

She's all right.

In all seriousness, I've only had a parent for like a day, and it was the most stressful day that I have ever had because she immediately was like, oh, okay.

I'm gonna go to my mom's for the weekend.

I was like, ah, beautiful.

Gone.

Now you see why you sound like Chris when.

Whenever Emily's home now.

Now it's like, dad, I understand why you were gone for all this.

I get it.

I.

I get why my dad was an absentee father, but it's so stressful.

Like, I have to make sure that she's getting up in the morning.

I have to make sure she's going to school.

I have to make sure because she's.

She's on phone restrictions right now because she's.

Her grades aren't the best, but I lifted them slightly while my parents are.

Going to cut that.

Do you want to cut that?

Yeah, Alex got that.

But I let her have, like, her phone just a little bit more while.

Just because, hey, I'm by myself.

There's not always an adult here or, like, another adult here.

So she needs to have her phone a little bit more.

So I'm having to, like, check her grades daily.

It's just so stressful feeding her.

Oh, she's so picky.

She like her vegetarian stage?

Yeah, no, she's actually really, like, in all seriousness, Abby is probably the easiest, like, kid to take care of from what I understand about kids.

Just, hey, your school work done.

Cool, Great.

What do you want for dinner?

And then nine times out of 10, she's like, oh, my friend got me food on the way home because she's going to rehearsal right now.

Oh, so not.

Not too, too bad.

I mean, you're parenting as much as your dad, so.

Yeah, correct.

I did.

I did buy fat suit, too, so she didn't feel like my dad was gone.

I did notice you shaved your head fully.

That was your ded to the rock.

We're in the crocs and lounge flies.

And did you walk around, you take her to school with little selfie sticks?

Yeah.

Correct.

She was, like, telling me about her day, and I was like, oh, that's great.

I'm going live.

Yeah.

Darren sent me a picture from the.

The park in the neighborhood today.

Oh, that's nice.

You.

You.

You think Abby there?

No, I'm just by myself.

Wow, you're learning quickly.

Very quickly.

All the dogs have just been sleeping in the bed with me as well.

They're supposed to be, like, in crates or, like, downstairs.

I was like, no, you can just sleep in the bed.

You are your father's son.

I am.

I am.

I try.

Don't try too hard now.

So that.

That now we weren't Going to talk about this, but have any of you been in a situation where you had to take care of a child that was not yours?

That like you had someone for the weekend or even for an afternoon?

Because I have a story that I had my niece or not even.

I don't know why I said my niece.

I don't even have a niece.

It was my cousin, but she was a baby for the afternoon and it was a very life changing experience.

But have you ever been in a situation where you've had to do that?

I almost forgot about this because this was like a long time ago.

I used to work at a restaurant, Ruby Tuesday, if you heard of that.

Oh yeah, Applebee's, but went out of business.

So we still have them here.

They haven't gotten the news yet that.

They went back all gone, out of here.

There was this guy that I worked with and I was getting off the morning shift and he had.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, you're one.

I usually do that in my night.

Shift, morning and night.

Sometimes I do a double shift, but I was doing a morning shift that day and the daytime guy that was working with me, he got stuck and had to work a double shift and his kids came in to work.

So he's like, do you mind hanging them out hanging out with him for a bit?

And I'm like, sure.

And they were like five and seven, I think, at the time.

So I was like, should be pretty easy.

These are the most awful kids I've ever dealt with in my life.

I ended up taking them to like McDonald's and the one kid was like trying to open the door while I'm driving because, oh my God, I don't have child locks on.

Because I don't.

I didn't know how to use child locks back then.

And I think I had to crank the window down too at the time.

Yeah, they're throwing ketchup everywhere.

One kid got sick.

I was just like, I didn't sign up for this.

Oh my God.

He's just a co worker of yours?

Was it a manager?

Yeah, just co worker.

Oh, gosh.

Did he.

Did he at least say like an IOU or anything?

No, no, He.

He didn't even act like anything was wrong.

Like his kids were a menace.

Yeah, it sounds.

I.

I understand that I could trust.

My child with any of you guys and know that, like, I would not even check in on her.

I know she would be perfectly fin.

Kids were awful.

I don't understand.

I'm getting to the point where it's like I see a lot of stories about people like, oh, you know, I don't like to tell my child no and this and that.

Like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but, like, what's the alternative?

You either feel bad for a second or you have kids throwing ketchup and trying to get out of people's vehicles when they're driving to them to McDonald's to get them a meal.

So, yeah, I'm going to be a little bit harder on my kid than I think some of modern Gen Z millennial parents will.

But when I.

My first parenting experience came when my not niece, my baby cousin, I was left with her at my house.

Left with her.

My mom ran out to Walmart or something.

It was.

And I was like, yeah, it's fine.

So she was, I don't know, less than 1:1.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm not good at ages.

Neither is Scott.

Anyway, the baby pooped herself and I never changed a diaper before in my life.

So I put her down for a nap.

And, and now, like, looking back at that, as a parent, I'm like, I would have like, rung the neck of anybody who would put my daughter down for a nap after she pooped.

And I was like, she'll just, you know, wake up and my mom will be here and she'll change the diaper.

So I called my mom.

Hey, just wanted to let you know that Amber pooped.

But so I just put her down for a nap so that you can get that when you get home.

And she just did not let me do that.

So I, I'll tell you what, Darren.

When you're a dad someday, and if you have, if you're, if you're blessed enough to have a little girl, there are lots of reasons to not do that.

Yeah.

Lots of places that it's that, oh, poop should not stay for a long period of time that I'm discovering for the first time because I, I never had to change a diaper before.

So, so what do I do?

So wake her up.

Which was hard because I felt bad.

I woke her up.

She was literally fell asleep.

So I, I got some newspaper because it was when newspaper was still being delivered today.

Put the newspaper down all along the bed.

I got a roll of paper towels.

I don't know.

And this was before my first kill, Miranda.

And, and, and I, I got a roll of paper towels, dampen them to.

So the little tushy would be, would be desensitized.

And I called up My friend who lived down the street say, hey man, you ever change your diaper?

Mind you, he's four years younger than me and I'm 16 at the time, probably I'm 17.

So he's like 13, 14 years old.

He's like, yeah, dude, you just gotta scoop the butt.

I was like, all right, you know, scoop the butt.

She comes riding down his skateboard because Fraser scooter maybe, I have no idea.

We don't have cars.

We're young.

Who's rolling down his razor Scooter does like a little bunny hop, you know, into the driveway.

That's how yucky is.

Just like, it's cool.

And do something like that comes into the door.

And we just were just looking at this baby on my bed with the newspapers down.

And I mind you, I, I kid you not, I kid you not, I had a half of trash bag full of paper towels by the time I was done changing this girl's diaper.

And she survived.

But I'll tell you what, fast forward to present day, and I think I still use the same amount of baby wipes.

I've upgraded to baby wipes.

I don't use paper towels, but I think I use the same amount of baby wipes to, to clean my, my daughter's dirty diaper.

And that's still.

Sometimes it's still not even enough.

That was my first, that was my first.

Day.

It's funny, funny you say that.

I have, I have one.

They're amazing.

Yeah, I, I bought a portable bidet for myself I never talked about, but I forgot it when I went on vacation and lots of chafing because of that.

But we'll get into that another time.

So I forgot it at home.

I was walking like a penguin for a week after that vacation.

Listen, you spent a week away from your bidet.

Oh my gosh.

Feels like you've been walking at a theme park all day long, but for a week anyway.

Yeah.

Oh, the worst.

So anyway, so I bought this bidet and I've.

I don't need to use it in my house.

I have one.

So I, I have my baby bidet.

I call it now.

And Emily got so mad at me when I whipped that thing out for the first time.

She's like, what the hell is that?

I'm like, it's, you know, it's the bidet that I bought, but now I'm repurposing it for the baby.

And she's like, why would you need that?

It's like, do you want to change the diapers or do you want me to do it my way?

Like, it's.

This is up to you now.

Like, if you want to change all the diapers, by all means, but I'm using the baby bidet, and so I've.

Baby bidet before.

Have you?

Have you baby bidet?

Nick, I.

No.

Well, I.

I watched her in the sink a few times, I think.

When.

During those messy times.

Sink, wash.

What do you do.

What do you do with the excrements that go down this.

You just let them go down the sink.

Garbage disposal.

Oh, so you do kitchen sink.

It's a.

It's a kiss me.

But Sarah's like, I can never say that.

I can't do this.

I'm sorry.

So.

Yeah, I missed that.

H.

Sorry, guys.

Yeah.

You know what, though?

If you didn't use the kitchen snake, you wouldn't have that little hose thing either, though.

Yeah, the hose part definitely helps.

I might start doing this and just never tell Emily.

She's gonna be.

She's gonna come humming home.

Like, why do you always do the dishes now?

Why is there always a clean sink?

Trust me.

Or your dishes are all over the counter.

Trust me, it is not a clean sink.

I can assure you that.

Miranda.

Sarah.

Darren.

No, not there.

Darren, you literally started off the conversation.

Miranda.

Sarah, have you ever been left with.

With taking care of a.

Of a.

Of a child that wasn't yours, that you did some questionable things or is like, how did the parent raise them like this?

Sarah's like, nah, my life is perfect, actually.

Look, I'm scared to tell y'all about the last time I remember having someone else's child.

Oh, that's the great beginning.

Listen, this is.

I mean, it's burned my brain, and you'll know why in a second.

It was my husband, which he wasn't my husband at the time.

It was his cousin's little girl.

So.

Okay, what would that.

Like mine?

I mean, yeah, I feel like she is, but.

Yeah, she was like two or three.

And I agreed to watch her that.

Day, and that's a scary age to watch another.

Yes.

At that point, I just had my older son.

I hadn't had my two little ones, but she.

My grandma died that day, so.

Oh, gosh.

Yeah, it's.

Which.

We knew she was really sick, and we knew it was coming, but it was just crazy situation because I had to keep her all day.

Your grandmom?

No, the little girl.

How is this what I did to.

Keep a little girl?

I had to keep my guy, cousin, niece, whatever she Is.

And take her with me.

Oh, my God.

To my mom's house where this had happened.

And I, you know, I kept her entertained as best as I could while I'm, like, you know, falling apart and emotional.

Like, it's okay.

Let's have fun.

It was.

Listen, it was just a really.

It's a crazy, crazy experience.

But, I mean, she was good.

She was happy.

I mean, it's.

You know, she learned a lot that day.

I mean, life experiences, you know.

Yeah.

Death experiences.

Yes, Life and death.

Life and death experiences.

Listen, we have to laugh because if we don't laugh, we cry.

No, it's.

It's been a long time, and I'm, you know, I'm good with it, but I.

I just.

I'll never forget that because it's just crazy.

Like.

So did you agree to watch her before or after the death of your.

Oh, before, like.

Okay.

Yeah.

I mean, I just wanted to know.

How crazy you were.

I wasn't.

Oh, yeah.

Come on.

I don't have anything going on.

Let's just.

All good.

I know you were seeking out babysitting.

Like, oh, my grandma just passed away.

Does anybody need any help watching their children today?

I don't have any service to start.

I think it might be right.

Sympathy babysitting.

Right?

You charge anything you want.

Yeah, you charge anything you want.

No one's ever going to haggle with you.

But she's been through enough today.

I should have charged more, and I did it.

I think I got, like, $20 that day.

This was before.

Like, everybody's paying, what, 25 an hour?

Yeah, it's like 15 bucks an hour now.

Oh, it's insane.

It's insane.

I used to get $20 for, like, the whole night, you know, if that.

When I was younger and babysitting.

But, Yeah, I got $20 that day.

We won't get into that.

That's a whole nother story.

Yeah, that's my last experience that I remember.

Nick or Sarah or Miranda.

I guess this.

Now.

Now I'm interested on this babysitting thing.

Have you guys needed babysitters?

Because I feel like you guys have a lot of, like, family close by that can watch.

Do you have to, like, do you need to get baby sitters?

Do that and then what?

Also, if.

Okay, so it's not.

If it's not a babysitter.

What is the.

What is not protocol, but, like, what is the payment you give to your family?

Because my payment is you get to spend time with my daughter.

Yeah, my.

My brother lives really close and we have friends down the street, so we have a lot of people close by, but we've hired a babysitter a couple times.

That's a friend of our friends, essentially.

And yeah, we don't pay our family at all.

I will give them free liquor, I guess, or I see that I still have a ton.

And that.

And that's a really good.

So things laying around your house that they don't know that you didn't just buy.

Really, like, power move.

I'll help plan their vacation.

Like, just simple things like that.

Yeah.

Okay.

First of all.

First of all, first of all, a bottle of alcohol and helping plan vacation is not just a simple thing.

Like, if I had to watch my niece that I hypothetically have.

And.

And they're like, oh, you know, for your troubles, here's a.

Here's a Tito's handle.

And by the way, you.

That trip next week or that trip next year, taking.

How about I just plan that for you for.

For absolutely free?

But, oh, you know what the catch is?

You already do it for free.

It's true.

Oh, so.

So that's the strategy.

Watch your kids and all plan your vacation.

Part of the marketing strategy.

Yeah, we got.

We got a lot of family and friends close by, but when we've had.

We've done babysitter a handful of times, maybe like 10, two hands, I guess.

Couple hands.

We've paid around 12 to $15 an hour.

12 in 2025.

12 to 15 an hour?

Well, 2024.

We haven't had a babysitter this year.

So you've paid like one dozen eggs per hour?

I think it's.

Yeah, it's around that now.

Yeah.

That's a generous.

That's a generous.

Maybe I'll pay them in toilet paper or eggs.

Toilet paper and eggs, I think is a perfect.

Yeah, that's like.

That's like, wow, they're offering this.

You can't even find eggs this last week.

That would have been perfect.

Say, Sarah, you're going on a date night.

Who's watching the kids?

They watch themselves.

Or do you not trust them?

Or do you just bring them with you?

Right.

Oh, we live such a happy family.

Just all indulge together.

We.

Well, we do, actually, and we, like, wait for certain things so that we can go with the girls because we know that they love it.

I feel like I'm cheating on them.

Like, I can't do that to them.

That sounds awful.

No, there are certain things that, like, I don't want to do without them.

But Lewis I mean, I could.

I could tell you there's like 10 people on the list that I'm.

I would hit up in a certain order to watch the kids.

One of them's gonna say yes, and I'm talking family, and they're gonna.

They're gonna ask for it, and it's no, they asked for the kids.

We'll get texts that are like, hey, when are you stopping by with the girls?

Like, can we watch the girls this weekend?

Do you have them this weekend so we can hang out with them?

I'm like, that's perfect.

Thank you.

Yes.

We're very lucky.

You are.

We have nobody.

We moved out here because it's easier for us too, because it was.

I mean, now we live 40 minutes away from where my parents are, so we were having to drive, like after shifts at work and stuff.

40 minutes out of the way to get the girls and then back.

So we moved out here so that we're closer to the support system and everything else.

When you mean support system and people lining up, you mean like the different FBI agents that are assigned to your witness protection, Miranda.

Yeah, we'll cut this, Miranda.

But Sarah's in Witsack.

She's witness protection.

Her life is too perfect for it to be true.

So we just have to assume that it's all fabricated.

Yeah, there's just no way.

I.

I don't know what's going on either, but I'm very lucky.

I'll take it.

This alternate universe, they never fight.

Like, everything's just perfect.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's true.

Fairy tale.

It's your words, not mine.

I'm just giving you the facts of the relationship.

You guys put all those adjectives together, but thank you.

I wish we had this lined up right now for.

If we could compare.

Compare husbands in a non malicious way.

Please don't.

Just in a non malicious way.

But, like, I don't.

I don't have any questions lined up, but the only thing that comes off the top of my head was, okay, Valentine's Day just passed.

Valentine's Day just passed.

I do want to compare Sarah and Miranda.

Sarah, what did Lewis do for you for Valentine's Day?

Miranda, what did your husband do for you for Valentine's Day?

Miranda, let's go with you first because you look like you're very eager to tell us what your husband did for you for Valentine's Day.

So first of all, he.

He cut his hair.

Which I did not ask him to do.

He cut his hair and got rid of all the craziness that we saw.

Last because we outed him as the.

As a killer.

Everybody's gonna know who I am.

So he did that.

But he.

We don't really do a lot for Valentine's Day.

Like, it's not a huge thing for us.

We don't do, like, gifts and all that.

Do a card.

A card, okay.

And he got me a big box of Brussels over chocolates, which I love.

All right, So I have to have one of those.

And then he had booked a reservation at PF Chang's, because that's, like, my favorite restaurant, and he hates Chinese, so we never get to go have it.

It's pretty.

Honestly, it's pretty romantic, right?

So any.

And he got us the best booth.

Like, the most romantic, dark, like, special booth.

Yeah, he put a note into Mr.

Chang, give me the dark boot that you give the high schoolers, or else.

Honestly, to me, it sounds.

It sounds like Miranda is in the opposite of witness protection.

What?

It like, kidnapped by killer whatnot?

Miranda is seeking it.

Guys, I'm gonna have secret words, and y'all just have to pay attention.

Okay, just gonna start twice.

If you need help, start blinking really quickly.

What the hell is this?

And then there's Morris code.

All right, what's going on?

No.

Yes.

So that's it.

All right, now, Sarah, what did Lewis do for Valentine's Day?

Okay, so here's the deal.

Are the kids.

Wait, are the kids around?

Can you tell us.

The truth.

Is that my ADHD doesn't allow me to speak while the music's playing.

All right, we'll edit that in.

Alex, edit that in.

It's audio file number 64, not 69.

That was taken by the dog stories.

So Lewis and I, because we work in the service industry, never actually get a Valentine's Day together.

I used to love those days when Emily was a waitress or whatever.

I think.

Oh, man, I really want to spend the 14th with you.

And then the 15th was so much cheaper.

That's.

That's actually very fair.

But it doesn't matter when.

When your husband makes the same meal that you had on your wedding night that you've been asking him to make.

And of course, he's a chef, so everything is perfect.

And he got me flowers.

Please tell me he was wearing a gray sweatpants.

No, Nick is even better.

I should say.

He wasn't wearing any pants.

He wears black jeans.

It's a black.

Black jeans with the black shirt.

And we've been working out, so it's a little tighter, you know, with the chain and the hat.

O.

So perfect.

Anyways, so sweaty.

Over here.

Card, flowers, a balloon.

All in Spanish, you know, I mean.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

It's cheaper.

I have it here.

Can you.

Can you read us the handwritten note that he definitely wrote in there?

I can read you mine in two seconds.

It's.

It's all in Spanish, if I'm being honest.

I'd love to hear it.

Yes.

I want to hear.

Hold on, hold on.

Let me turn on my translator.

Well, here's the thing.

The good thing about the cards is that it's in English on the.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Because it's.

It's four pages.

We'll play some romantic music to.

For you to read it.

It's like one of those.

Those Spanish romance.

Do you want me to really read it?

Yeah.

Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second.

I'm tapped.

I'm tapped.

Stop the cap.

Stop the cap.

Stop the cap.

That was not the right song.

Lost my erection.

Guys, one more thing.

Look it.

Oh, my God.

For those listening at home, it's the cocoa.

Oh, my gosh.

It's a cocoa.

Vinyl.

It's a special edition cocoa.

Vinyl.

That's so sweet.

I love vinyl.

Anyways, I'm obsessed.

So we got special edition vinyl cocoa and then Russell Stover's cocoa.

No, I.

I got latte something, but there was no cocoa.

Is that what you call his cement?

Well, I wasn't gonna go with that.

Oh, my God.

Just enough.

God, I hope my parents don't watch this.

So you see why she's.

Sarah's obviously in witness protection.

Miranda, this is just not.

She bought all that stuff.

It was all supplied by the government.

It was written by Nicholas Sparks.

I think with all these governments.

I paid for that.

Yeah.

I'm gonna get this doge check from all the money that we're gonna be saving.

And you're gonna get.

Your witness protection is probably gonna get cut.

So I'll send you half of my.

Half of my check to pay for all of your.

Your stage.

Your stage props that you.

You have.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'll pinch any penny I can, Chris.

You know that there was a lot of.

So I was looking up new nicknames for you, and I went to chat.

GPT.

And I said.

And I.

I said, you know, come up with some nicknames because pinching pennies remind me of this call.

Some nicknames.

You know, she's very frugal, and half the stuff I felt very uncomfortable saying.

Thrifty.

Yeah.

One was a thrifting tornado I was like, that's really bad.

Like, I probably could have come up with that if I like eight beers and.

And then thought it was a great idea the next morning.

I would have probably just like been so cringed out by that.

Yeah.

The thrift tornado.

Sarah, about hospitality here, because you're a hero, Sarah.

You're a, you're a first responder in the hospitality.

The day that I had today.

Yeah, I feel like a freaking hero.

You're a hero.

You are.

In my eyes.

You are capes in Scots.

You're a Jewish princess.

Not even a queen.

Think about that.

Think about that.

You're a queen in all of our hearts.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Just don't lift your arm, Darren.

Okay.

In your heart.

Leave it right there.

But anyway, today the weather finally broke up here in New Jersey.

I don't know if it happened in Ohio as well.

It did.

It got up to 52 today.

See, we were at 60 here.

And see, I was so excited.

Which was, which was a far cry from what we had for the last few weeks because the last few weeks we've had threats of snow.

We've had a little bit of snow.

But all these schools in my area don't know if, if it's the same for you.

All these schools in my area are canceling now at the threat of snow.

It's like not even like all of these school districts are now like they have, they're, they're racist against the snow and they're, they're, they're thinking that it's going to come and take their jobs and they're canceling that anyway.

I don't know if it's like this around you guys, but are you guys getting school cancellations for legit, the most ridiculous reasons?

There has been a lot of premature cancellations.

I almost had ejaculation cancellations.

That's what went through my head.

I was like, wait, premature?

There's been a lot this year.

We had a snow day before the snow even was.

There was no snow on the ground.

They already canceled school.

Yeah.

And then we had one because the weather was me cold.

Yeah.

Come on.

Like, we have heat.

We pay for heat.

Yeah, I know.

Where are my.

Where's my tax money going?

Where are all these taxes going to?

Not the school's heaters, apparently.

Like I can say it when, when I grew up, my high school was old as crowd.

It was over 100 years old school.

We had no heat nowhere.

Like it was awful in there.

So I could get it back then.

But Now I'm like, our school's brand new has come on.

Yeah.

They didn't need to cancel.

I wish.

I wish when I went to school, we could cancel school for being too hot down here.

It's good.

That makes more sense to me, honestly.

Like, I mean, you can't do anything about that.

You know, like, can't take your clothes off in school, so.

Well, I mean, you know, college.

College.

College, yeah.

College again.

Yes.

Thank goodness Scott's not here anyway.

No, speaking of him, he's in the chat right now.

Oh, my God.

Please stop.

Please stop.

Oh, my gosh.

Call me Daddy.

What?

I was saying, call me Daddy.

Don't call me.

Yeah, I was gonna say.

It's non stop.

It's non stop.

Trust me.

He's.

He calls me 14 times a day.

He says he only drinks, like, socially or he's like, oh, I only have.

Like, I only drink when I go out.

He tell us the truth.

The joke is, he's always.

The bit is he's always out.

Like, he's like, driving.

He's never.

It's more like, when is he gonna be sober?

Correct.

He's, like, driving home and he's like, cracking up a beer.

Cracking open a beer.

He's like, I'm not home.

I'm out.

Miranda, are schools in your area getting canceled?

You live in Tennessee, correct?

Yes.

Tennessee is that really weird region where.

Because my brother lives there.

And like, when there's like a dusting, like.

Like things shut down, don't they?

Yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely.

So, yeah, they, like, if it.

Like you said, if it might snow or they're thinking it, anything could hit, then they close everybody now, which is crazy.

I remember being up at 6 in the morning when there's already like 4 inches of snow outside.

When I was younger and waiting for them to cancel it, and they didn't.

And I'm like, okay, well, guess we're going playing snow on the way to school.

So.

Yeah.

It's just ridiculous here.

Like.

Like, I.

It just makes me mad.

Okay.

Just makes me mad.

Yeah.

If I had four inches, I'd cancel too.

But I know Nick usually opens for more than five.

I'm still open.

No, it's.

It's ridiculous.

I get the ice thing.

Like, and it was cold, which is crazy.

It was.

The temperatures were really cold, so I thought, well, maybe it'll freeze.

And I get it with the buses and stuff, but it was gone in no time.

And then they canceled the next day too, because it was too cold in the morning.

And I'M just like, what?

I don't know.

I.

I don't.

Yeah, it's not.

It's not fun.

It's.

It's not fun because all of the planning that has to now go into, you know, it's great for the administrators.

They get to stay home and whatever.

Some of them don't.

Some of them, they were like, oh, but so.

And so reports.

So these people have to go to work, but kids could stay home, school.

I know it's ridiculous.

And it really sucks for, like, my preschooler because we pay regardless.

So he was out all week and take my money.

It's gone.

I mean, it's just like.

I don't know.

That's.

That blows really bad now.

So I'm just glad they're back in school.

Yay now.

So I.

I don't.

I don't know how this would work because I don't like when Emily and I are both.

The education industry, I guess you would call it.

So when schools are off, like, we're off.

Right.

We don't get off where we have a kid now, but.

So the.

But when our kids are now at home.

So for us, it's no big deal.

We go out and play in the snow because everybody is off.

But for you guys, you know, you guys might have to go to work.

And Sarah, not so much for you with the snow, know, but for hurricanes.

Well, I guess.

I guess the whole city would close down for a hurricane, so I guess you have it a little easier.

Yeah, I work on the beach side, so I'm actually not allowed.

We're not allowed to travel on the bridges when it's 39 miles an hour.

So you're good.

So you're either there or you're gone.

So I like right before hurricanes because, of course, everybody waits here until the last second because things can change so much.

So we wait until the last second.

And then I don't know how your job is, Darren, but, like, with mine, because, you know, we're.

We're in.

Well, I'm in a 24 7, 365, you know, operation.

And they're like, okay, we need staff here.

Then they end up with these skeleton crews and stuff.

I'm like, I just want to get home before I'm freaking stuck here.

Yeah.

Because I will drive the highway home and I'll be blowing all over the place because work wanted to wait till the last second.

Correct.

But schools do the thing.

Yeah.

There have been times.

Sarah, now listen, I know your whole life is a lie.

You live the lie.

Because you have to, you know, live this fake life of yours.

But can you be honest with me for one second?

I want you to look at, look right into the webcam.

Pretend you're looking at me because I want you to be honest.

You said that 39 miles per hour you could not go over a bridge, right?

Correct.

Have you ever told your employer that you lived somewhere other than where you lived?

Say, oh, I live on, you know, I can't travel across the bridge.

It's 39 miles per hour.

So you don't have to go to work?

No, no, because I talk too much.

So they know too, about me.

Because when I'm late to work in the morning, like every single day that I'm late to work in the morning, I do, I'll tell my guests, like, they'll be like, oh, what time are you here in the morning?

I'm like, well, I'm supposed to be here at 6:30, but I'm here at like 6:35, 6:38, something like that.

I'm always the one that's like, Well, I drive 40 minutes to get here all the way from this city.

So don't, you know, you guys drive three blocks.

So no, I could never get away with.

Listen, pro tip, next job, you live across the bridge.

It's a great bridge.

Regardless, you're good.

So you're good to go.

You live across like seven bridges.

It sounds like I, I really do live across seven bridges, three hills, couple highways.

Yeah.

So it's a lot now.

Okay, obviously this doesn't pertain to you because they shut the whole city down.

You can't cross a bridge in your area.

But Nick and Miranda, snowstorm Nick in your case, in the literal Snowstorm Miranda, your case, a winter freeze warning.

Your kids are now stuck at home and you have to work, you have to go about your day.

What do you do?

What, like, what is there?

How do you go upon doing that?

Like, what are you doing, Nick?

I know Sean is probably.

Sean's on the front line.

Sean.

Sean has to work.

He's got it.

Yeah.

Sean's gotta go.

So you're home now with the kiddo?

Yeah, I, I become the stay at home dad, essentially.

And it happens over summertime too, because I work from home, so I just keep her home over the summer with me.

That's right.

To save money.

So I'm kind of used to it by now.

And she's used to my work routine a little bit and.

But yeah, this time we actually had a snow day like Two weeks ago.

A week ago.

I don't even know anymore.

I don't know.

What day or year is this?

Still 2020.

Let's join the club.

We had a snow day and decided to take her sledding.

Oh, have you ever taken her sighting before?

We've only gone sledding on, like, a little, tiny.

Like, I wouldn't even call it a hill down the street of, like, dirt, basically, that's covered up.

Yeah, We've.

We've gone down the driveway a couple times.

Our driveway is kind of steep.

She slept down that a few times just because it's easy to do.

And we don't really have much hills around here.

You just slide right down the driveway, honey.

Right into the street.

Yeah.

There's nobody coming down the street.

That's a lot of look both ways.

I'm a good dad.

Yeah, we.

I took our sledding, decided to take my niece and nephew, too, because they had a snow day, and I knew my brother was working from home, and.

Wow.

So you're taking all three kids to supervise.

Talk about watching kids that aren't yours on a day where they're doing something semi dangerous.

Right.

Sledding.

They could break a finger or something.

Right.

It got to be dangerous.

So here's the thing.

So we.

We don't have.

I live in central Ohio.

It's very flat here.

It's a lot of cornflies.

Are you near Lima?

I'm not.

It's Lima, actually.

That's where I'm from.

I don't know if you've heard of it before.

Didn't they film Glee there?

Yeah, yeah, the TV show Glees.

Oh, yeah.

It was based off of my hometown.

Guys, I don't know if I've talked about it.

No, never.

Actually, it's.

It's a little ways away.

But back when I lived in Lima, there was a lot of hills.

We had reservoirs and stuff that you could slide down that were super fun.

But here we had nothing.

So I'm googling stuff, and everything's like, the number one spots.

Like, go to this golf course down the street.

So I went there.

There's nobody there, and there's signs everywhere that says, golfers only.

No sledding.

So I'm like, something must have happened.

So I went to the next place, and it's like, back in the woods, basically.

It's like a community park, and all I see is trees everywhere.

I'm like, how are you gonna sled with trees?

Like, there's a steep hill.

My daughter's like, oh, this looks fun.

I'm like, yeah.

I'm like, you're gonna hur.

So we found the little hill and did that.

It was across from a playground stuff.

So we were sliding for a little while, and the kids wanted to go down the slides.

So.

Mind you, the slides are covered in snow and ice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Very safe.

So what happens when you get on a slide during ice and not.

Sarah.

Not ice as in, like, ice.

Okay, sorry.

Really quick.

Hi, Lewis.

Ice is at the playgrounds now.

They're at the playground.

So this one slide is, like, partially, like, enclosed tube.

And then the bottom half of it was, like, not enclosed.

It's, like, uncircumcised.

Yes.

Okay.

So all of a sudden, I'm trying to watch three kids, mind you.

All of a sudden, Piper flies off the slide about 4ft because it's so icy and slippery.

She's like, like.

Luckily, she's padded up in, like, a giant jacket.

Very injured that day.

So it's like, all right, guys, we're going home.

We're going to McDonald's now.

Yeah.

Don't jump out the car door, please.

So we.

We made it.

Everybody made it out alive.

My feet were frozen for about three days, and we did end up going to McDonald's afterwards.

See?

Yeah.

Came full circle.

I'm.

I'm a good.

Good uncle.

Good dad.

Now, Miranda, Nick voluntarily took on three children that day.

You are forced to.

I voluntarily had three children.

I mean, not important.

Love that.

I love that.

Take that out.

No, I love my kids.

I love my kids.

I'm gonna start calling you Scott.

You're not wrong.

You're not wrong.

That's a whole nother story, too, because I.

Okay, never mind.

Now we have to hear it on the next episode.

Apparently.

The mysterious pregnant.

The mysterious.

Are you a virgin?

Are you the virgin, Miranda?

The mysterious.

The mysterious.

It will not stop happening.

What am I doing wrong?

No.

What were we talking about?

You were just gonna tell us one of your deepest, darkest secrets, apparently.

No, no.

You voluntarily had three wonderful children.

Three lovely children.

That I said.

Yes.

That you said you were fortunate enough to have.

So at.

When you're stuck at home with them during a.

Not.

I can't even say a snow day.

A threat of snow day.

Well, I'm st.

I am a stay at home mom right now, so I'm with them every day, which is fine.

I love them.

I love them.

But when you're stuck at home and you can't do anything, like, usually we'll go places or we'll go outside and play or go to the park, you know, we can do stuff.

And my three year old goes to preschool two days a week, so that's good.

So when you're stuck, stuck, it's like, oh, you know, because they're just, they're going crazy.

I'm going crazy.

And it was so cold this time.

Like it was.

I can't remember the temperature, but it said it felt like, like, you know, negative four.

So I'm not taking them outside now to play in it, which they're looking at it going, you know, and I feel bad but like we did go out for like a few minutes one day and I was like, nope, let's go back.

And this is not.

I was, I was being.

I mean, I was just.

Yeah, you know, what was.

What's the age range for your kids too?

I have one that's about to turn to one that's about to turn 4 and I have a 13 year old.

All right, so yeah, so like you have to entertain now.

A cocoa melon, a, a Ms.

Rachel and then a Xbox.

Yes, right, Exactly.

So it's like exactly, exactly.

Or Fortnite or whatever he plays on his computer.

Yeah.

So he's good.

I mean, you just give him a.

You just give him a gaming controller and he's good for the day.

Yeah.

And he's so, like, he's got one.

His mind is on soccer now.

Like that's all he cares about.

So he's so, so yeah, he's good.

It's the other two kids that are probably going nuts about.

Yeah, well, and he was at his dad's the whole time that snow had happened.

So he wasn't.

So you had it easy.

You only had a little bit.

You only had two small children to take care of and you're.

And, and the husband is not around.

It's just you.

He was home.

They, they closed, closed his work the first day.

So he was home.

So that was fun.

So the streets were safe.

Thank goodness.

Yeah.

So, yeah, so I had, I did have three kids here.

So.

Yeah, I did.

I still had three children.

One was really awful.

So do you do the whole.

And this goes for everyone.

Do you guys do the whole there's a storm coming?

Whether it's snow, whether it's rain, do you do the whole go out and make sure we have milk and bread and eggs thing?

So not usually, but we really had to go to the store the night before, which I try to avoid that at all, you know, ever.

Like, I just don't want to be there.

Sure.

And we were literally there.

That's the first time I've ever gone when this has happened.

And there were no eggs.

There were two gallons of milk.

Like, there were two left, and.

But there was tons of bread.

So you were safe.

So we were safe.

We didn't need eggs.

And we did get the milk because we needed milk, and we got bread because we needed bread.

These are things we were actually out of.

Like, we weren't trying to hoard it and take, like, 30 a piece.

I'm like, what do these people think they're gonna do with eggs?

That's what I always wondered.

Right.

What are we doing cookies and chips and.

I mean, I'm just kidding.

But.

But seriously, what are we doing with.

What are we doing with.

Because I was hoping that one of you're like, yeah, I go out and get this because I want to know what you're doing.

I still want to know what people did with all that toilet paper in 2020.

I know, exactly.

I don't get it.

They're still using it.

They're still.

Because they took it all as.

I'm lucky, because I work.

Sean works in retail and a grocery store, so he picks up those things pretty much every day.

So we're always stock.

But he deals with those idiots.

I'm sure.

Sarah, you're definitely a milk, eggs, and bread gal.

We go to the store, like, once a week.

I mean, yeah, we.

Of course we get that.

Last time we went to the store, we had to buy three gallons of milk because we're drinking it so much.

Oh, my gosh.

For, like, the week.

Do you want formula now?

Protein shakes.

Oh, because you're working out now.

Both of us are drinking protein shakes twice a day.

And we make coffee a lot, obviously, with the espresso machine.

We have cappuccinos and stuff all the time.

And I'm a cereal addict, so says Miranda's husband.

Different cereal.

She's the addict.

I do love some cereal.

Yeah.

I never understood the fascination with the eggs, bread, and milk.

It's like, is everybody just that you need to make French toast when.

When it's stored and you're buying all the perishables, too.

That's what I didn't understand, too.

Like, okay, you're anticipating maybe being.

Not being able to leave your house for a while.

So you're buying all the things that are going to expire.

Right.

The canned stuff.

The canned goods stay on the shelves.

The water stay on the shelf.

Let's make sure we have the milk, though, I never understood that.

But anyway, before, we should see the liquor stores.

Well, the liquors.

I try.

I do.

I'm there.

Yes, I'm there.

Well, we have hurricane parties.

That's like a thing, you know, so the shelves can be stocked with a lot of stuff.

But the liquor store, that's wiped clean.

I had one of those hurricane parties from like 2020 to 21 and a half.

It was just a year and a half long of.

Just one long hurricane party.

Yeah, I've been there.

I get that.

Had to.

But before we.

Before we end here, I'm very intrigued by this new lifestyle that you're.

That you're diving into, Sarah, with this working out.

I'm really intrigued by you drinking four protein shakes per day.

How.

Per household.

Per household.

So give us a little.

Give us a little taste of what you're doing, because I'd.

I need to hear an update in a month from now.

Actually, we started going.

How long has it been?

Like two and a half months.

See, there's no.

There's no such thing as Sarah's life.

There is no such thing.

She has a New Year's resolution and actually sticks to it through February.

That's not.

I refuse.

We started going to the gym right before the holidays because we were thinking how crazy it was that we were doing it.

We were just talking about it the other day.

It is crazy because it's not true, unfortunately.

It.

It.

There was a lot more to it, but I lost a lot of weight because of the medication that I was on.

I lost like 20 pounds, so I dropped to, like 98 pounds.

And now I.

I would love to.

To have some.

Please.

Of the.

Oh, listen, that's for a rainy day, just in case, but, you know, it is 20, 25.

If things go to, you know, to.

I'll have a medicine cabinet I can sell off.

I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding.

So I've gained, like 11 pounds.

Wow.

Look at these gains.

It's from all that milk.

It's.

You're drinking that whole milk.

I've.

We've been trying.

Today we ate McDonald's for the first time in that long.

Because I was just craving French fries, but.

Feels weird, doesn't it, after you've.

Been.

It really does.

We've been so good about, like, trying to make it a point to eat better, you know, we're like, ew.

Now that we're, like, starving after the gym, we don't want to grab something quick, which is the crappy stuff.

We actually go and eat.

But it's different because I can finally eat.

So last week I devoured my weight, plus probably another human's weight in Olive Garden.

And I'm so like, you have no idea what it feels like to just have that come back.

That feeling of wanting to eat.

I have that every meal, every day, Sarah.

It's the three times a day.

I get that.

It was like eight months of just waking up and not wanting to eat anything at all and having to force myself.

And I would force myself and put it in a calorie counter and be like, are you kidding me?

I am so full.

And it's like, danger, danger.

Eat more your calories.

And I'm at like 300 calories for the day.

Oh, wow.

Awful.

So now I'm like overloading.

And then we've been really good about like vitamins.

Some of us have been really good about vitamins.

And like, you know, do we drink creatine?

And we're doing the protein powder and we go for like an hour and a half to two hours.

When we do creatine, I say, do you say bro?

Do you say bro a lot now?

I already did that.

And it's not bro, it's bruh.

And I only say that really to the kids.

My 13 year old calls everybody bro.

I think I am 13 sometimes, but yeah, it's.

It's bruh all the time.

Sup, girl?

Like that kind.

But then they said it back to me the other day, it kind of freaked me out.

It's weird when someone who shouldn't be calling you bro, like when my sister calls me bro, it's very weird.

It's different for me though, because I'm.

I'm the third parent, you know.

Okay.

So like, I don't know.

They're my best friends.

So you are.

You get the fun names.

I get the.

Well, yeah, because I'm just Sarah being screamed from the other room.

Yes.

So bro's fine for you?

Yeah.

Scott will try to bro Abby or I.

And it's just, it's so uncomfortable.

You can tell he's not the same.

No, you can tell he's just trying to be hip and cool.

I know, I know.

When they bro you, it's.

It's actually like, like out of respect.

Yeah, yeah.

There is a 19 year age gap between myself and our oldest, you know, so it's a little different.

Like my mom was almost 30 when she had me.

If she tried to bro me right now, I'd flip a lid.

But like, for me it's just, you know, I feel so young at heart that the bruh and the dude and the stuff, you know, that comes out a lot.

I'm a big duder.

I tutor.

I.

I do say dude a lot, so I get it.

That's crazy.

You say there's a 19 year age gap between you and them.

Because there's also about a 19 year year age gap between my father and I.

Oh, shoot.

Sorry.

It's like.

It's like 20 years, but the same.

The same thing.

Yeah.

I forget how old the girls are sometimes, though, because they really are very mature for their age.

And so we've never, ever, ever talked to them like they were babies, like they were little kids.

We talk to them like adults.

We give them the real, you know, we just.

It is what it is.

And so we talk.

I talk to them like they're my friends, but also, I've been very lucky with anomaly children, so.

Yeah, you and your perfect life.

I'm sorry, you.

Hey, you've hung out with the girls before.

I know.

They're amazing.

They're pretty good.

They.

They really are just.

Yeah, you too, Darren.

They.

They really are just good kids.

I can't ask for anything better.

But now I have to knock on wood because Sophia is still only in sixth grade.

She did come home the other day though, and she was like, there's so much drama in sixth grade.

And I'm like, okay, but are you part of it?

And she's like, no.

Oh, you'd be proud, Nick.

Actually, she told me that one of some.

Somebody in the friend group, you know, is experimenting and discovering, you know, their.

Their boundaries and their sexuality and.

And whatnot.

And I guess somebody came over and said, you know, ew, that's gross.

Like, one of their friends, like, ew, that's gross that you guys are.

Are lesbians or whatever.

And she said, if you're a homophobe, leave our table.

Yeah.

I was like, I am so proud of you.

Because, you know, we teach them obviously to stick up for themselves and their friends and to not be quiet about things that they believe in.

To be.

To be open and give their opinions, you know, and she did.

She's like, I'm not part of the drama, but this is what happened.

And I told her, you need to leave, like, period.

Okay, girl.

Period.

Yes, exactly.

Drop the mic, audios.

Put her in her place.

Yeah.

So middle school.

That'll be fun.

Hello, valued podcast listener.

This is your host speaking in a perfectly rehearsed tone.

It is now time.

Yes, Time to conclude the episode of Parents Night out podcast.

I am contractually obligated to inform you that we have reached the end of today's pre written content delivery session.

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Oh, yes, so much gratitude to you, the person who has bravely endured my voice for approximately 60 minutes.

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I'm just kidding about all that, Alex.

Cut as many.

As much of that as possible.

All right, so, guys, before we wrap up here today, Darren, what are you doing with your kids?

This.

Damn it.

I do have a kid this week.

Oh, perfect.

Yeah, we already forgot.

So.

So does anybody.

Anybody do anything fun with their kids this week?

Now, Darren, you're with.

You're with your adopted child, which is insane.

Yeah.

Any big.

Are you.

Do you actually have any big plans with.

With Abby this week?

I do bonding.

I do actually have some bonding and some big plans.

Really?

Abby has now joined the cult.

The wrestling cult.

She is now.

She's now into wrestling.

So tonight after.

After this, we're gonna go put on Monday Night Raw.

Oh, it's so exciting.

Yeah, we're gonna go watch that and bond.

I'm gonna answer all of her questions.

That's so cute.

That'd be really fun.

You guys have to eat on the.

At the tv.

Which is not what it sounds like.

My.

My dad had her watch Royal, like, the Royal Rumble.

The men's Royal Rumble.

Sexist, I know.

Yeah.

What the hell?

Yeah, but she was so in love with the final three.

And she was so.

She was sad at first that Jay USO won because she was like, oh, I wanted John Cena to win.

But she's very excited that Jay USO is main eventing Wrestlemania.

I'm happy that she's joined the train.

We're gonna have to talk about more about our guilty pleasures sometime because this is definitely a guilty pleasure of.

Of Scott.

So we're gonna put attack in that and circle back since we.

We're an hour in here.

But yeah, that's definitely something we have to talk about because this is the guiltiest of pleasures that Scott has.

And now, Darren, where can our listeners find you?

You can find me on some social media, probably Instagram.

Darren, underscore maffei.

Or you can check out at Parents Knit out on X where I should change that username.

So that's not even Parents Night Out.

Oh, okay.

Well, I have no idea what I changed it to, but I definitely texted you about it.

Changed it to something.

If you want to find us, find our website.

It's probably linked there.

Yeah.

Nick, what do you got going on this week?

Anything?

Nothing this week, but I just wanted to chat briefly.

I actually haven't really post about it online yet, so.

Sure, it's news.

Breaking news, this past weekend we did a cousin's day for my niece and nephew and Piper.

So instead of Christmas presents, we started to do like experiences.

Oh, that's great.

So we decided to do a cousin's day where we went ice skating and I ice skated and then we went to this barcade type place.

That's great.

Yeah, bowling alley, arcade.

Lots of fun games and activities and stuff.

So it was a really awesome weekend.

Spending time with the kids and getting out of the house, that's about all I had.

That sounds awesome.

Coming up.

Yeah.

And where can people find you, Nick?

Yeah, you can find me on all social media platforms at Sandpiper Vacations, where you can probably find me going on a cruise because I have another one coming up in two weeks.

Shocker.

Guys, I'll be away.

Randy, do you want to fill in in two weeks?

I'll be gone.

Yeah, sure.

Come back.

I will be here.

And then on Instagram at Emotional Supports Gay Nick.

And that's it.

Sarah, what do you got going on this week?

Anything fun?

Nothing yet.

Oh, we'll always try and find Very mysterious.

I know.

Well, it's a mystery to me until it happens.

So we'll find out.

Your cat's gonna be a co host on this podcast by the way Sarah the cat's been on the screen.

Is he there?

He was there.

He just left.

Was he?

Both of them have been running around the entire time.

Yeah.

Have they?

Oh my God.

I was so confused.

Literally at one point I looked up and I was like, like Lewis was there at one point and all of a sudden it's a cat.

And I'm like, is that Lewis?

And he just.

He's very hairy now or what's going on?

He's a fur.

He's a furry.

That's weather.

And Nick, I'll private message you.

Yes, that guy is wild.

He keeps me busy, I'll tell you that.

He keeps me busier than the kids do.

But yeah, no, nothing going on.

So I don't know, maybe I'll have something for next week.

And when you're buying props to.

To imitate your superficial, perfect life, Sarah, Legos.

When you're not doing that, where can our listeners find you?

Oh, not your address.

Don't worry, you can find me only on TikTok at Super Sarah 94.

All right, easy enough.

Miranda, you got anything going on this week with the kiddos?

We got a lot of soccer.

How they playing soccer in the snow?

Is this indoor soccer?

No, it's freezing.

No, it's outdoors.

Oh, my gosh.

They.

They skipped a lot of practices, but they're playing a game tomorrow at school and then we have to go to Kentucky this weekend for a tournament for travel.

So that's going to be fun.

So you have to sit outside in the elements for this.

Yeah.

All right, so if you guys want to send your thoughts and prayers to.

Miranda and hand warmers and blankets and hats.

Oh, gosh.

Yeah.

So basically just soccer.

That's our.

That's our life for a little while.

Oh, and my.

My 3 year old started T ball tonight, so.

That's right.

It's fun.

Yeah, I miss.

Missed his first practice, but he.

Yeah, it's.

It's gonna be fun.

Coach.

Pitch slash T hole.

Please do not say that you missed his first practice because you were recording this.

No, no, it's.

We had already.

If I hadn't, I would.

It's a long story, but his dad wanted to take him.

Okay.

Okay.

Whole thing.

So it.

It's.

It's good.

All right, that's fair, that's fair.

No, no, no.

All right, Miranda, where can our listeners find you at?

You can find me on Tick Tock at Render, Underscore Renee and Instagram at Miranda Renee.

511.

Rander Murray.

Oh, my gosh.

Randa.

Renee.

Miranda.

Renee.

511.

Oh, Miranda.

Renee.

I was saying Rander.

Did anyone else hear Rander's on tick tock.

Okay, random.

So Rander underscore Renee.

Yeah, Sarah understood that completely.

She knows all about alter egos and alternate names and stuff.

Anyway, you can find me.

I'm not doing too much this week.

I'm just, you know, my daughter's now just playing like she isn't scheduled to poop.

Every time Emily leaves the house, she just drops a load.

So I've been just changing diapers like crazy, which, you know, I looked at a stat and in the 40s, 42% of men didn't change diapers.

And now it's down to 3% today.

Could also be because they were fighting Nazis in Germany, but maybe something a little bit more important than changing a diaper.

But what's more important than our youth?

So that's why I'm taking.

I'm going to the front lines myself and changing these diapers.

I'm in the 97 percentile.

Like my daughter, who's in the 89th percentile, by the way.

That's what happened this week.

We took her to the doctor appointment.

She is a big.

She's got a big ass head.

She's in the 84th percentile for head circumference.

Go big heads.

Takes after her father.

And she's.

She's in the 89th percentile for weight.

She is a big chungus.

I started calling.

Her name's Ellie.

I started calling her Beef Ellington.

Beef Ellington.

That's so cute.

Height, not so great percentile, but the average.

Yeah, it averages out.

And they had to prick her finger for a.

A test on to see if she had a.

I don't know, whatever, iron deficiency.

And seeing her bleed made me want to throw up.

It was the sad and it was.

It was all under the supervision of a medical professional and.

But seeing them prick her finger and then make her bleed was.

I almost strangled the person.

So that was the last doctor appointment I'll be taking to say I'll be hiring somebody.

So if you guys have any good babysitters that will do, doctor appointments, let me know.

But anyway, you can find me on Instagram at chrisyab where you can see happy pictures of my child not bleeding on a piece of paper.

You can find me on TikTok at Chrisyab NNF but follow us on our podcast TikTok at the parks.com parents night out.

A little confusing.

It might be confusing because if you don't know.

Scott and Darren go to the parks sometimes and sometimes go to the parks.

But no, we've been a lot more active on.

On Instagram and Tick Tock.

But most importantly, follow us on Facebook.

Give us a little follow at Parents Night out podcast, something like that.

You'll find it.

You'll see the logo.

It's the same one that you see on the screen right now.

You're listening to it.

You guys are smart to be able to figure out.

Anyway, that's all from us.

On behalf of Nick, Sarah, Miranda, Darren, I'm Chris.

Now, we won't see you next week.

What do we say?

You'll see.

You'll hear us next week.

Oh, my gosh, that was horrible.

Why would we say I'll see you next week now we're not seeing anybody next week.

See you later, Poopy Bus.

Lonely friends Just the old and the bold of Kiss we're the ones you hold Scott, Chris, Sarah, and make a tale to be told welcome to the podcast.

We're adulting unfolds we're adulting unfolds we're adulting unfolds.