Kate Harlow: Kate, hello, my loves. Welcome back to the new truth podcast. Kate Harlow here tuning in live from Athens, Greece. I have, since we last spoke, I have flown across the world, and I am back in I guess it's not across the whole world, Africa to Greece isn't that far, but I made my way back, and I'm feeling the adjustment of living in the middle of nature, in the middle of nowhere, in a tent, to living in a box in the city, with city sounds and walls and buildings so close together. But I actually this time around, this is now my third transition from Kenya back to Greece, and this time around, I'm feeling quite good about it. I feel happy to be back. I feel happy to be reconnecting with my love and my community and my you know, neighborhood and all my favorite Greek things, the immersion is coming up in a couple of weeks. So very excited about that. And, yeah, I'm just reconnecting with my love for Greece. And of course, I will miss my love for Kenya, but the heart is so big we can love many places. You know, I've been thinking about that and how people often say like, oh, is is is Athens your forever place? Is Greece your forever place? Or is that your forever relationship? And this feels so relevant to this episode, because it's like we're constantly wanting to put ourselves in boxes and make choices for our future selves before we've arrived at that point. And why must we choose one thing, you know, even the word favorite. I've been thinking about that a lot lately, too, how people are always like, what's your favorite in Kenya, people always say, What's your favorite animal? And I'm like, Well, why do I have to pick a favorite? I'm obsessed with elephants. They're so majestic, they're so beautiful. They're so incredible to watch. I love elephants. Like deeply. I love giraffes. I saw so many giraffes, and they're so elegant and so graceful and so beautiful. I love lions and and I saw two leopards on my journey, which is quite, quite rare. And you know, the leopards and the lions represent such power and stealthness and and they're just like the king of the jungle, the Queen of the Jungle, but they're so relaxed looking when you see them, and chill, but they're so powerful. So I just love, I love the warthogs. They're so cute when their butts wiggle when they run across the savannah away from the jeep. And you know, hippos are really powerful and beautiful and mystical kind of ostriches. Oh, my God. So now this is becoming an episode about animals, but Ostriches are stunning. Let me just speak to the ostriches before I move on. Ostriches are massive, and their skirts are so big and so beautiful. And when I have this one video of like when they're in a group together, when they're all gathered, well, I don't know if this always happens, but we walked, we walked by, we drove by, and they dance. They started dancing. They started, like, running in a circle and then flapping their their feathers and rustling their feathers, and they were basically dancing. It was absolutely profound, like I had it on my Instagram story, if you haven't seen it. It was really, really special. So why do we need to choose a favorite, you know? And why do we need to make decisions for our future selves? Like, what choosing a favorite is so limiting? Like, who's your favorite friend? Yeah, I remember when I was younger, I'd always be like, This is my best friend. And then I'm like, This is my best friend. And It's so wild to think, like, where does that come from? This need to pick one special thing that's the ego, of course. And you know this need to be to make decisions for our future selves and and surrender to this idea that are given to, this idea that we have to make forever choices. And you know, usually, most people live in that mindset, oh, is this your forever home? Wow, I'm so happy for you that you bought a house. Is this your forever home? Like? What? How do we know? The reality is, none of us know where we're going. None of us know what's in store. And you've heard me say this a trillion times if you've been listening to this podcast for a while or for a long time, but the the reality is the magical life that is meant for you, the UN the like. It's in the unknown. It's in the present moment. It's in you, trusting that life has a. Better plan for you in store than you could ever conjure up in your mind. But we have been so programmed to believe that life only looks one way, right? You gotta have a job. You gotta have a husband. Or, you know, nowadays, maybe you can have a wife, but you gotta have a you gotta have a partner. You gotta be married. You gotta have kids. You gotta have a picket fence. You gotta live in a neighborhood. And, you know, with a big, giant house, if you're in North America, that's a massive thing there, with so much stuff, right? And you gotta always be busy, and you have to have a very over scheduled schedule, and then you gotta talk to everyone about how crazy busy bar, and you gotta schedule your life 10 million miles like out, and you gotta make promises for your future self, put yourself in a box. And then we look around and wonder why we have this epidemic of depression and anxiety, why so many people are on antidepressants and are just like numbing themselves to get by now I don't know you personally. Well, I know some of you personally, but I might not know you personally, but I am pretty confident to say that you are not you. Your soul did not come to planet earth, this extraordinary, abundant
Earth, full of tremendous opportunities and magical beings and souls and experiences to be had that you did not come to this planet to numb yourself out, to be over busy and over scheduled and to just get by. That's not why you're here. You're here for so much more, but because of the programs that play in our minds. And if you're if your mind is in charge of your decisions, for sure, you're going to get trapped in the scripted life. You're going to get trapped in the idea of what your life is supposed to look like, rather than learning how to let the life that's meant for you divinely and organically unfold because it will. And I was just saying to some of my heroin sisters last night, I had a final reclamation called the reclamation is changing form. It's now just an online not just it's still an amazing program, but the reclamation is an online course now, and it used to be an online course that came with live experiences with me where you got to go through it with a group over and over and over again. And there's been so many amazing women in that community who've done the reclamation with me for like five years, three times a year, two to three times a year. And we, you know, they're, I've watched their whole entire beings and lives transform in so many incredible ways, because they took charge of their lives and and so we were having a call last night. One of the things we were talking about is the number one most important thing to becoming the heroine of your own story, aka the leading lady of your own life, the writer, the creator, the founder, the director, the producer, the the main character of your own freaking life story, where you get to live a life that actually feels good, that you don't have to numb yourself out from, that you don't have to distract yourself from or chase constantly be exhausted from chasing the next thing and the next thing and the next thing. One of the most important things, the one of the most marquees is the willingness to let it all fall away. So your your future self needs you, your future self needs you. The future self needs you to have the courage to step away from what's no longer working, step away from what is no longer serving you, so you can actually create a life that you love. And one of the most important things as you navigate, should I stay or should I go and going through transitions in your life? And I know that a lot of women listening to this episode might not be going through a breakup transition, but perhaps you're going through a job transition, or perhaps you're wanting to move or wanting to leave a friendship, or wanting to leave something behind that feels like it's no longer serving you. Your future self needs you to have the courage to be willing to transition, and we're going to talk about today how to do so gracefully and lovingly, and how to do it in a different way, and even perceive it in a different way. But you need your your future self needs you to be courageous so that you can be available and open to experience the relationships that are meant for the next level of you, right? If you keep holding on to what was, and you keep holding on to what feels, quote, unquote, safe, this is connected to that comfort zone episode I did recently, right, our perception of comfort, which is actually quite painful, and so much of it comes from this culture that's obsessed with forever and that's obsessed with like making decisions for our future selves and holding on to things and being loyal at a fault, being loyal to other people at the expense of our own hearts, at the expense of our own selves and our. Own truths, right? We're willing to abandon ourselves over and over again, just all in the name of being loyal to something we committed to at a different age, at a different time, at a different part of your timeline. You're You're here to evolve, and as you evolve, if you, if your life, if, if the characters in your story aren't changing, and the areas, the places you are, the places you hang out, your job, your your your your surroundings, if, if it's not changing, you're not changing. Because the reality is when you evolve, and your soul is meant to otherwise, you wouldn't have been drawn to this podcast, and I believe all our souls are here to evolve, but some of us don't really listen to the memo and just stay in that victim mentality and stay in that scripted life and don't ever open up to anything else that's possible, or any of the signs or the feelings we're having inside, right? But your body is always communicating to you, your intuition is always guiding you, and it's guiding you towards people, experiences, places, opportunities that are going to expand you and open you to the next level of yourself. So if you think of your life like a video game, there's never ending levels to move to but so many people get stuck on level one. That's the script, right? The script is is being stuck on level one and playing it over and over and over and over and over and over again. This was my grandparents. Bless our hearts. Love them dearly. They come from a very different time, a very different generation. And I don't say this in any judgment, they're now on the other side. So they get it. I believe they get it now. They've come to me in a few psychic or medium medium conversations I've had, but, you know, they had this life where, like my grandma, held on to the same victim story since she was eight years old her entire life. And she said it to me at 92 and I was like, Grandma, are you still believing that story to be true? People don't. This story was so my grandmother lost her eye when she was eight years old. She had an accident. She was running and she hit okay, this is kind of gross. What's the word trigger alert? This is kind of gross, but she, she, she, she hit her eye on a key, the old school keys that were like wires that stuck out of a door. There's a key in a door. Anyway, she lost her eye. She had a glass eye her whole life, which looked like a normal eye. Basically, she had a little bit of a lazy eyelid that looked like a bee sting on her eye. But other than that, she looked totally normal. Her eyes look the same color and everything. And she carried a story her entire life that everybody was judging her, that people didn't like her because of her eye. And she was like 92 and I was at this home. She'd moved into an assisted living. Maybe she was 90. It was before I moved to Greece. She was in assisted living, and she passed away since I moved here, and she's a total extrovert, like every time up until that point that she'd ever gone to the hospital, she became best friends with all the nurses. She became best friends with the doctors. Everyone loved her, and she was so much happier being in the hospital than being at home with my grandpa, who was very critical of her, and they were very like, you know, they've been together forever, but they were just had this dynamic, as you do, they're sat they had a saboteur dynamic going on. So she never felt really loved when she was with my grandfather, but she'd go to the hospital or she'd come to she'd feel so loved when she met new people. She was such an extrovert. I guess maybe that's where I get it from and so she moved into this assisted living place. It was a beautiful, like, community where they'd eat all their meals together, and they had their own apartment. It was, like, kind of a cool transition. And I was visiting her for the first time, and I was like, grandma, this is like your heaven. Are you so happy? Have you made so many friends like you are an assisted living you have, there's like, people all around and it's like the hospital where you can make friends with other people. And she's like, No, you know, I mean, people are friendly, but they're not really. They're judging me. I know that they all talk about me behind my back, and I know they don't like me because of my eye.
And I was like, what you still? Still. You are 90. That happened when you were eight. You're still holding on to that story. Holy crap. And she and my grandpa always slept in separate beds, not because they were empowered and wanted to, you know, tune up, charge their energy, and sleep separately and then come back together and create polarity there. You know, there's some options for for new paradigms of relationship. But no, they slept in separate beds because they didn't really like each other and they always bickered. But they stayed in this relationship, and they stayed in this small life, and they stayed in this, you know, victim mentality and my every time my grandma met any of my boyfriends, she was like, This man loves you. Hold on to him. This. You know, I've never been loved in my life, and she just like had all these victim woe is me stories, and that's how she lived her whole entire life. Katie, that is someone, bless her heart, love her dearly. Again, not saying this from judgment, but that's someone who's stuck on level one their whole life, just doing what you do, staying married because that's what you do, staying married because that was part of her religious beliefs. You don't even question it. You don't divorce is not an option, and she they just stayed together and lived in relative misery and stayed together forever. And did they love each other? Yeah, on some level. But were they meant to, like, live in a house? Could they have experienced so much more in life, had they had the courage to make a transition, for sure, but I believe they weren't meant to have that experience because they didn't. So back to you, That's level one. That's an option, right? You can choose to stay in the script. You can choose to stay to listen to the new truth every week and not make any bold decisions and not follow your heart and not feed your soul. You can choose to stay in fantasy love. You can choose to stay in fantasy obsession with your physical appearance and constantly chasing everyone else's validation and constantly looking for love and approval outside of yourself. You can choose that right. You can choose to stay in the job where you're underpaid and then be resentful to your boss that they're not paying you, except you're the one who's still showing up every day and choosing to take the paycheck. Right? You can choose to be a victim of your life and stay stuck in level one, where you think this is just life. Life just happens. There's no other option. I'm stuck here. I My life is miserable. I'm going to go to the doctor, I'm going to numb my pain. I'm gonna or find another way to numb my pain, and I'm just going to avoid taking any responsibility. That is absolutely an option level one, right? But if you want to live a life that's satiating to your own heart and soul, if you want to feel good about who you are, instead of feel constantly chasing feeling good enough, but never get to feel good enough. If you want to feel comfortable in your own skin and feel deep love and reverence for yourself and for your life and for the woman that you're here to be, if you want to feel connected to what you do in the world and and feel a sense of purpose and get to express your gifts in the world and get abundantly paid well for it, right? If you want to walk a life that is that is different, you have to be willing a to go against the grain, yeah, if you, if you want to keep rising in levels, you have to be willing to walk in the opposite direction to everyone else, and when everyone else is challenging the direction you're walking in, you just say, thank you so much for your opinion and for caring. I'm going this way because this is the way that feels right for me. I understand it doesn't feel right for you, but I'm going this way. Thank you for caring, and you don't take someone else's advice who's not in the arena, as Brene Brown says, someone else's advice, who's going the opposite way. If you feel in your body that you're meant to go that way, but someone else is going the opposite way and trying to pull you back, you have to be strong enough in yourself and in your conviction for your own life being your own, and for experiencing and creating a life that's aligned with you and love that's aligned with you and everything that you desire, but you have to be willing to walk in the opposite direction of everyone else, because that's what happens at first. As you first start to evolve to these different levels of this video game. When you're in between levels, that's when we start to feel like, oh God, like my friends I no longer connect to, and they're starting to fall away. And then we can feel some fear and want to stay in that lower vibration level, not to, not to, to put any like judgment on the levels, each to their own right. But if you want to experience different frequencies, and you want to experience living in a higher vibration in a life that where you get to feel alive and happy. You know I feel like for me in my life now, it wasn't this way before, but I just feel happy most of the time. And that's absolutely possible, and a lot of people don't believe it is. And this isn't a fantasy of happiness. This is like I had to walk through the fire over and over and over again to be willing to go against the grain, to follow my truth, to do things that other people weren't doing, to say yes to what life was calling me forward into. And every time I did that, I became more happy, I became lighter, I became I like I was actually having an amazing chat with this Kenyan woman who I became friends with and spent a little bit of time with towards the end of my trip, who left a marriage. And she was when I first met her, I told her about the book, and she said, Kate, I'm an unscripted woman. She said, I left my marriage. He was so controlling it was and in some tribes and. Kenya, you're not, actually not allowed to some tribes, the elders make the decision whether you can leave or not, and you have to stay for a number of years until the problem persists, even if you're in an abusive relationship. And I'm sure that's true in many parts of the world, still, but in Kenya, there's also a lot of more progressive tribes that are where you get to make your own decisions. And this woman said to me, she said, You should have seen me when I was married. She said I was in my 20s. She's now 46 when she was in her 20s, she said I looked 20 years older, and then I was she said, when I was in my 20s, I looked 46 now that I'm 46 I look like I'm in my 20s, but she does, so beautiful, so radiant, so happy, so grounded in who she is, because she had the courage to leave this toxic relationship where she was small and she was a shell of herself, and the whole relationship was all about him, and she was so repressed, right? So, of course, she looked older. So women are running around paying 1000s of dollars to freeze their faces, to inject things, to try and avoid aging. Meanwhile, when you live from the truth of your heart, you look younger. You look more radiant and more beautiful and more alive, because really youthfulness is actually just aliveness. That's the thing we're all trying to get, which you cannot get from a bottle of chemicals that's free, that's going to freeze your ability to express yourself. You can't. You cannot get aliveness and youthfulness and glow and radiance from that, that comes from living a life that makes you feel alive, living a rather than making decisions out of obligation, or some loyalty to a piece of paper you signed 20 years ago, or some loyalty to other people's experience and not wanting them to feel any pain because you're making a choice that's different from what you Think they want for you,
right? The willingness in order to keep leveling up inside of yourself and to keep stepping into the life that's meant for you, you have to be willing to let everything burn. You have to be willing to let everything fall away, right? But so part of the problem with should or stay I should go. Should I Stay or Should I Go? How to know when to leave is that we're trying to make a decision from our heads. Right? Get out of your head. Your head, AKA your saboteur, is always going to play both sides. Should I Stay or Should I Go? Should i You should stay? Here's why should you should go. Here's why you should stay. Here's all the fearful reasons you should stay. What if you never find anyone again? What if this is as good as it gets? What if? What if you make a mistake? What if you regret it later? What if? What if? What if? What if your your mind will have 10 million what ifs, and it will never run out of what ifs. But then should I go? Yeah, your mind will have lots of ideas about leaving as well, right? But it's gonna keep you in that foop, foop, aka fucking loop, where you just keep going back and forth. Do not make the choice from your mind, right? Your mind is not no longer in charge of your life. Your inner compass is and in order to hear your inner compass, which you probably already know your truth, every woman I've ever worked with that's in the Should I stay, or should I go? Trap? When she closes her eyes and tunes in with her heart, it's she's clear. She's just in fear, and then the mind keeps kicking up with all the fear based stories as to why I should stay rather than listening to the heart. So the first step in deciding or it the first step in getting, having the clarity on what is true for you, what is next for you is practice presence with what you're experiencing, rather than being in your mind trying to make a decision from your head, right? The more you can just be present in your relationship, present in your body, meditate, move, dance, walk in the forest, do whatever, whatever practices. And if you haven't cultivated these yet, I have space for one or two coaching clients coming up in May. You can work with me privately. I can help you learn how to access your inner compass. There's lots of programs out there you can do the reclamation. I have a community launching in the the fall that we can talk about the immersion, of course. But there are lots of ways and with other teachers as well. But this is like one of the biggest things that my work does for women. Offers women is helping them learn how to start making decisions and living from that inner compass and inner knowing, rather than from the mind. So you have to have practices in your life that allow you to create spaciousness if you are over scheduled and over busy and go, go, go, do, do, do, do, you are going to miss it. You're not going to get that clarity. And often we do that to avoid. Feeling our truth, right? Often we unconsciously or consciously keep ourselves so busy that we cannot feel and hear our truth. You know how COVID, there were so many more breakups and divorces that went on during COVID, because all of a sudden, people couldn't hide from their truth anymore. Right? When you take away the busy life and and driving and traffic and getting to your job and getting this thing and that thing, and you can't leave your house, and you have to face your partner every day. Well now the truth is really clear.
So practicing presence allows you to really be attuned to how you actually feel inside of that relationship, rather than being in your head, most women are in relationships trying to figure out if the guy is right for them or not, if your husband is a bad guy, or if this guy's, you know, to this or to that. And we spend all our attention focusing on the wrong thing, right? The more you focus on the other person, the less confident you'll feel in your choice, the more you'll regret the decision. If you leave thinking it's them, if you leave the relationship blaming the other person, and then you move on and you think it's just them, you're you're never going to feel peace in that decision, right? Because you haven't actually owned your part. So that's step two. Step one is being present, slowing down, creating more space for yourself to just be with how you feel inside of the relationship. And if you are starting to question the relationship, share that with your partner, right? Bring your vulnerability, bring your heart to them, and share it with them. Let them know how you're feeling. I think of when I mean both my long term, really long term relationships, Charlie and Jeff, I was in communication with them. I didn't just Sideswipe them one day and be like, I'm out. I was letting them know, Hey, I love you so much. And there's this ache in my heart for something else, and it's not another guy. And if you have an ache in your heart for another guy. That's a fantasy, right? If you are trying to fill the void with someone else, or if you're activated by someone else, that's okay. Sometimes activations from other people come along to show us, hey, there's something else we're wanting to experience. There's another part of yourself you're wanting to explore. There's a there's something in your heart, that that's your next level, that you're not receiving in the current dynamic in your relationship, that there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, in fact, that's happened for me. Every relationship I've ever been in, another man has showed up towards the end, and there's been some sort of emotional connection and some sort of like spark that happens that allows me to get crystal clear that it's time to leave, but the practice is to not be in your head in fantasy about that person being right for you, because you don't want to just leave one relationship for another one. You don't want to leave a relationship until you're clear that the relationship is complete. Otherwise it goes sideways later, right? Otherwise it's rooted in fantasy rather than rooted in truth. So the more that you can spend, even if there is a catalyst, even if you are fantasizing about someone else, remember everything you're experiencing with that other person is you and aspects of you. So what aspects of you are being highlighted right now that perhaps you've shut down from in your current relationship, or perhaps you've never explored in your life. What are aspects? Are there, right? Something? If there is some and it, maybe it's not another person, maybe it's just watching movies, and you, all of a sudden, get activated, and you cry and you feel like there's this longing, do your best to bring your attention. So number two is to take full responsibility for you and your side. Do your best to bring your attention out of the other person, whether it's blaming your partner for not getting what you want, or looking at somebody else or something else as better than your partner and comparing them. That's all keeping you in your head, right? That's all keeping you in the logical mind trying to figure out what you're supposed to have and want, versus being in your body and and taking full responsibility for everything you feel. Your pain is your own. Your Pleasure is your own. So in so in the instance, if there's two different people, what is your pain that's being activated with your current partner? Well, you know, perhaps you're not being intimate anymore, perhaps you don't feel attractive, or you don't feel attracted to them anymore. Perhaps you're not feeling as connected. Perhaps you just feel like you've grown apart and got you're going in different directions. Explore. What in your own heart are you feeling? What is the pain point, and then if there's some other catalyst, or some something you're experiencing somewhere else, what? What is being activated? If you're watching a movie and feeling like that, love is so deep, okay, so there's a love in your heart that you are blocked from, that's not your partner's problem or fault, that's something that you. Need to explore inside of yourself. Remember, it's all an inside job. And I'm gonna say this 10 million times on this podcast, and you're gonna get it to a degree, but our programming right? The stories of love are of external love are everywhere. And even if you listen to the new truth. Every week you are watching movies, you're watching shows, you're listening to songs, you are being bombarded with messaging about love being this thing outside of yourself that's going to rescue you and save you in this fantasy story of how love is going to complete you, and it's going to do it's going to give you something, right? So even in the midst of questioning whether a relationship is aligned or not anymore, we often are looking out there for the next thing, the next one, something to sweep us away, something to pull our attention away. So we don't have to feel this pain. That's just an avoidance strategy, right? Feel the grief, feel the pain, feel the tenderness of questioning whether or not this relationship is still serving you. It's okay to change your mind. It's okay for relationships to end. It's okay for marriages to end. It is like absolutely so important that we question them. It's so important that we pause long enough to go, Hey, is this still meeting me where I'm at? Because if you are on the growth path and you are evolving as a woman, you need to have friends and partners and careers and places and experiences that match where you are now, right? If you keep dipping down to a different radio station, and you're no longer on that channel, you're gonna feel anxious, you're gonna feel depressed, you're gonna feel crazy, and you're gonna try and pull that person into your world, rather than just saying, oh, perhaps our worlds are in different places. Now I love you so much, and because I love you and because I love me, I'm gonna choose to complete this chapter and set you free with love and set myself free with love, so that we can both move to the next chapter of our lives in and be met in every facet of our lives, with everyone in our lives. Because if you do not feel met like as you evolve, people will fall away. You will outgrow relationships, you're going to outgrow jobs, you're going to outgrow houses, you're going to outgrow clothes, you're going to outgrow friendships. Are going to outgrow communities, experiences, practices. You will outgrow everything. And if you're not outgrowing anything, you're not growing. It's inevitable. It's absolutely inevitable. So you have to take full responsibility, take the attention off of him, off of everyone, outside of yourself, and come back to filling your own cup, satiating your own soul. What is missing in my relationship? Give it to yourself. And then when, when you come home, if you still feel the same way and you're giving it to yourself, you're no longer looking to get something or mad at your partner for not giving you something, but you're already satiated, maybe that will allow a new part of your relationship to open up, or maybe you'll be crystal clear, because you're present in yourself, and your heart is already full, and then you connect with that partner of yours, and it doesn't feel aligned anymore, or feels like you're going in different directions, or it feels like you've just outgrown what was and you're ready for what, what's next, and not, don't, not a new relationship that will come When it's meant to. But like, man, if we're just jumping from relationship to relationship, you're missing the point, right? The answer is not outside of you. It is that all of those beautiful feelings that you feel in relationship are your own heart, your own body, your own turn on, your own joy, your own love, your own pain, right? Your own fear, your own anxiety, your own vulnerability, that's all you. So take responsibility and fill up your own cup and then bring that energy into the relationship. Don't bring the depleted woman who's bitter and resentful into your relationship and then be like, Should I Stay or Should I Go? You'll stay trapped forever, right? That's how women stay trapped forever because they're still blaming their partner for how they feel, even if you're in a relationship that seems toxic, like, where are you? Not taking responsibility, stop being his Mom, stop people pleasing, stop shape shifting, right? Show up for yourself fully in all the ways you want this person to show up for you, and then bring that sovereign woman into the relationship and see how you how you feel, and if it feels like, Oh, this is no longer aligned, I love you, and I'm going to set us both free go for it, right? Or perhaps something else will evolve. And so then the last point for, should I stay or should I go? How to know when to leave is to know that there's a new paradigm of relationships, and there's also a new paradigm of relationship completions, right? So just like our programming around fantasy love that some Prince is going to come along and rescue you and make you feel happy for the rest of your life, and blah, blah, blah, they're gonna climb up a tower and save you from your pain. Just like all that bullshit, we've been programmed around love, we've also been programmed a lot of bullshit around breakups, right? So breakups are often really dramatic, they're really painful, they're mean, they're spiteful. People are blaming and attacking or shut off or avoidant or cut off. Know that this might give your heart peace in if you get to a place where you feel complete and you feel like okay, this relationship served its purpose, because every relationship does right. You might have thought the purpose was to be together forever, but you can't know your future self. So let's say you've come to a closure. I think of me and Jeff, or me and Charlie, it's like the relationship served a profound purpose. Me and Jeff, my God, that man and I helped each other step into our life's purposes. He he set up my first website. He cooked at my first retreat, the first immersion in Italy. He helped me set up the podcast like he helped me so much in the beginning of this work in the world for me to step into my purpose in ways that I don't know if I would have fully done it if I didn't have him in my corner cheering me on and helping me with all that stuff that freaked the shit out of me. I helped him start his first restaurant. I helped him get organized. I helped him believe in himself. I helped him with resumes. I helped him with so many things, and with cheering him on and being a biggest fan of the restaurant, and now his restaurant and Alina, if you ever go to Vancouver, I'm doing an event in Vancouver. Actually. It's just for women in my community, but if you are in my community and you don't know yet, you have to come. It's almost sold out, but it's in Vancouver, called the expanded love weekend, the first weekend of August. But if you are in Vancouver, or you've ever been to Vancouver, or you're going there in the future, AnnaLena is the name of his restaurant, and they now have a Michelin star. It's a phenomenal restaurant. And there, there is the name of his cafe in Vancouver. Handy is the name of a burger place that he created with his business partner, and he's created so much wild success. He started his restaurant six months into our relationship. I started my business one year into our relationship. The purpose of that relationship was purpose. It was not romantic, love, family, la, la, la, all the the scripted thing. It was something totally different. But I could have completely missed out if I was like, Oh no, I just want this deep, emotional, connected love. Jeff was not that. We are very good friends. He is an amazing man, but he was not the all the other things that I'm experiencing in relationship now. He was not that. And if I had said, Oh, that's only thing I want relationship for, rather than trusting the divine orchestration of life, trusting my gut, it felt right to be with him, we I, neither of us may have, may be where we are now in our purposes. So every single relationship serves a purpose, even the toxic ones. We had this beautiful discussion. I had lunch in Nairobi on my second to last day, or maybe it was my last day, with three beautiful, amazing, powerful Kenyan women. We were all sharing our stories of following our hearts and going against the script and going against the grain. And it was so incredible. And we were talking about how that are when you follow your heart, so much fear comes up right when you follow your truth, so much when you go against the grain, when you do something against the script, there will be fear. And the practice is to not let the fear be in charge, to not let the fear dictate your choices. And we talked about toxic relationships. Every woman at that table had had a really toxic relationship. And we talked about the gift of every toxic relationship that was that we all found our voice, we all stepped into our power, and we all found more courage than ever before in that relationship to actually alchemize our selves and leave right and transition. So even the toxic relationships serve a purpose in the evolution of your soul, if you're willing to listen to your inner compass and you're willing to have the courage to make challenging choices for your future self. So circling back to the new paradigm of relationships and the new paradigm of the end of relationships, we've been taught relationships endings are dramatic and painful and messy and horrible. It doesn't have to be a crisis. You don't have to leave when there's a crisis. You can actually just end your. Relationship with love, with reverence, with vulnerability, with truth, with honor, with holding space for the other person, even if they don't want what you want, you can say, I love you so much. This is my truth, and I cannot hide from my truth anymore. I cannot lie anymore. I love you and I trust that if this is no longer aligned for me, I trust it's also no longer aligned for you, having the courage to keep your heart open throughout the process of letting go and transitioning, even when you want to close you do not need to close your heart to end a relationship. In fact, in my experience, I have beautiful friendships with all my former partners, I have deep love and reverence for them in their lives. I'm so I remember breaking up with Charlie and thinking I would die if he was with someone else, which you might be thinking right now. I thought the same with Jeff, but with Charlie especially, I was like we had such a romantic, sweet love, and I was so terrified of what it would feel like when he was when he moved on. Guess what? One year after we broke up, and I was at that point, one year later, I was like, so devoted to myself, lived on my own, loved my life, created a life that was so powerful and so expansive that the last thing on my mind was, who's Charlie dating. Charlie ended up marrying a woman named Kate. And guess what my reaction was? I was over the moon happy for him. He married a theater actress. He's a theater actor. They're so adorable together. They're still together. I absolutely love hearing about her. I love seeing them together. It's the opposite, because when you're in your heart and your heart is open and you're not in limitation and lack in fear and saboteur,
you do want the person that you love and loved to be happy. That's real love. Real love is not possession. Real love is not lack and limitation and jealousy and fear. That's all your conditioning. That's what we've been programmed to be and to feel. But my loves, there is so much love in this planet, and there are so many magical, amazing souls all over the world. You don't need to limit yourself. You don't need to to choose your relationship or your job or or where you live or your friendships or anything out of scarcity and lack, there is an abundance, and the more you devote yourself to your own heart and to being an alignment with what is true for you, all the people and the experiences and the things that are in your life that aren't for you will fall away. You have to let them know, right? And when they fall away, guess what? You become a magnet to the most extraordinary life and people and experiences and opportunities and places. You become a magnet to the love that you deserve, but you have to live from that love. You have to treat yourself with that love if you are still believing a story that love is limited in some way, and that you have to hold on out of fear, then you are getting more fear in your life. Fear feeds fear feeds fear feeds fear. There is so much love for you to experience, not just romantically, but in yourself, in your own relationship with yourself. And call me seriously. Reach out to me if you do not have a deep loving relationship with yourself and you're ready to create a life you love, reach out, and let's talk about you taking one of those, one of those upcoming spots, and opening up in my coaching practice. But I am here to support women to love themselves deeply and thus create a life they love so they can experience an abundance of love and then romantic love, I mean, that's you become a magnet to it, but also you don't need it. So what a powerful place to be, to actually be so deeply in love with yourself in your life that you do not need a boyfriend. You don't need a husband. And then when you get it, it's just this beautiful addition. Is the beautiful overflow to the fountain that's already flowing. That is what's possible for you when you have the courage to make bold, brave choices for your future self. Every relationship serves a purpose, but they're not all here to be one relationship forever. That's the bullshit story we're fed and so many people stay in relationships way past their expiry date, because they're afraid to let go, because we've been programmed to think the only way a relationship is successful is if it lasts like, how are we still celebrating anniversaries of people who don't even like each other, and we're like, oh my god, that's so amazing. You made it to 70 years. You made it to 50 years. You made it to 30 years, even when they don't like each other and they're faking it at their anniversary party, some of them were even faking it at their weddings, and that's what we're celebrating, a success in relationship. Nobody's asking like, Hey, are you happy? How are you how's your love? How's your intimacy, how's your connection? How's your your own relationship with yourself? We're not asking those kinds of questions. This is the new paradigm, the old paradigm, dead, dying. And I'm here, you get to experience a way more expansive life. Season three of the new truth podcast is all about expanding, and the only one who's going to expand your life is you, and you have to be brave, and you have to be courageous, but just know, the more brave and courageous you are, the more rewarded you will be, the more life will shower you with amazing people and experiences and opportunities. Life is magical. There's so much in store for you, my love, but you have to be bold and courageous. So I hope this episode served you. I love you. Please share with me. I would love reviews, also on the podcast, five star reviews, that always helps, but also share this podcast with a woman who you know needs to hear this message, and I love to hear from you. So let me know how, how you're feeling, how it's going with season three. Any episodes, topics you want me to talk about, let me know, and I love you. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy you're here, and I will see you next week. You.