1 00:00:00,049 --> 00:00:03,589 You've probably learned about the polyvagal theory, how your nervous 2 00:00:03,589 --> 00:00:07,249 system shifts between safety, flight, fight, and shutdown. 3 00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:09,859 And now you're asking yourself, okay, well now what? 4 00:00:10,549 --> 00:00:15,799 Last episode I gave you the first of five tips to identify your polyvagal state. 5 00:00:16,489 --> 00:00:21,169 In this episode, I help you take another step through tip number two, increasing 6 00:00:21,169 --> 00:00:24,799 passive cues, uh, through the environment, passive safety cues in particular. 7 00:00:25,414 --> 00:00:29,794 By the end of this episode, you'll better understand safety cues in general and 8 00:00:29,794 --> 00:00:31,774 pass the safety cues in particular. 9 00:00:32,254 --> 00:00:37,084 You'll also have at least one very specific and very practical thing that you 10 00:00:37,084 --> 00:00:42,904 can do today to access your safety state a bit more than yesterday, and you'll 11 00:00:42,904 --> 00:00:44,644 be set up to do the same thing tomorrow. 12 00:00:44,769 --> 00:00:46,519 Hi, my name is Justin Sunseri. 13 00:00:46,539 --> 00:00:50,349 I'm a therapist and coach who helps you live with more calm, confidence and 14 00:00:50,349 --> 00:00:53,229 connection without psychobabble or woowoo. 15 00:00:53,619 --> 00:00:59,109 Welcome to Stuck Not Broken, and Polyvagal Theory for Everyday Life tip number two. 16 00:00:59,221 --> 00:01:03,576 This podcast is not therapy, nor is it intended to replace therapy, of course. 17 00:01:03,616 --> 00:01:04,876 Safety and the brainstem. 18 00:01:05,554 --> 00:01:10,534 As mammals, and in the most basic sense, our autonomic nervous systems 19 00:01:10,534 --> 00:01:14,854 can exist in a state of safety and connection, uh, sympathetic flight 20 00:01:14,914 --> 00:01:18,034 fight, or collapsed shutdown. 21 00:01:18,544 --> 00:01:21,094 That's very, very basic polyvagal theory. 22 00:01:21,184 --> 00:01:21,814 Easy peasy. 23 00:01:21,814 --> 00:01:26,284 So obviously we want more safety activation, right? 24 00:01:26,734 --> 00:01:27,484 Yeah, of course. 25 00:01:27,994 --> 00:01:29,284 Well, how do we do that? 26 00:01:30,004 --> 00:01:32,104 We need to cue safety. 27 00:01:32,764 --> 00:01:37,954 Our brain needs to realize that it's safe, not on a cognitive level. 28 00:01:38,254 --> 00:01:42,964 I'm talking on a much deeper, very organismic basic level. 29 00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:47,614 Like even though you may consciously know that you're safe, that doesn't 30 00:01:47,614 --> 00:01:49,624 mean that the rest of your body does. 31 00:01:50,059 --> 00:01:53,509 When you're anxious, I could ask you, Hey, are you literally safe? 32 00:01:53,509 --> 00:01:57,319 And you'd say something like, yeah, no poop, Justin. 33 00:01:57,319 --> 00:01:58,399 Why are you bothering me? 34 00:01:58,969 --> 00:02:00,979 And then of course my feelings would be hurt. 35 00:02:01,999 --> 00:02:06,499 The point here is that your thinking conscious brain knows that it's safe in 36 00:02:06,499 --> 00:02:10,999 a very literal sense, but it's like the rest of your body doesn't believe it. 37 00:02:11,239 --> 00:02:12,109 So why is this? 38 00:02:12,709 --> 00:02:15,289 That's because the brainstem needs to receive safety cues. 39 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:19,214 The brainstem is really the most important aspect of the Polyvagal 40 00:02:19,234 --> 00:02:21,184 theory, not the vagus nerve. 41 00:02:21,844 --> 00:02:25,774 The brainstem is where all of the state shifting takes place. 42 00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:31,204 Your body and the rest of your brain communicate with the brainstem. 43 00:02:31,984 --> 00:02:33,814 The brainstem is the middle point. 44 00:02:33,814 --> 00:02:39,184 It receives signals from both the body and the brain, and then uses 45 00:02:39,184 --> 00:02:43,294 these signals to shift your state to whatever's necessary at that moment. 46 00:02:44,179 --> 00:02:48,139 The brainstem is also the thing that continually tells your 47 00:02:48,139 --> 00:02:53,029 autonomic nervous system that it's in danger, keeping you stuck in a 48 00:02:53,029 --> 00:02:55,009 defensive, uh, traumatized state. 49 00:02:55,999 --> 00:03:01,849 So to optimally use the polyvagal theory knowledge is, is not to try stimulating 50 00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:07,039 your vagal nerve or gargling or humming or whatever hack you're trying. 51 00:03:07,579 --> 00:03:11,449 Instead, it's as simple as increasing the cues of safety 52 00:03:12,049 --> 00:03:13,459 that your brainstem is receiving. 53 00:03:14,179 --> 00:03:17,902 You give it more cues of safety and it will take care of the rest. 54 00:03:17,902 --> 00:03:22,102 It will shift your autonomic state towards safety and away from defense. 55 00:03:22,248 --> 00:03:24,498 Does this release your stuck trauma? 56 00:03:24,498 --> 00:03:30,228 No, not by itself, but continually feeding your brainstem cues of safety will help 57 00:03:30,228 --> 00:03:35,898 increase its access to safety and give you the platform that you need to work 58 00:03:35,898 --> 00:03:39,998 on your trauma and relieve your stuck defensive state if that's your goal. 59 00:03:40,678 --> 00:03:45,418 The basic idea is that your brainstem needs to receive signals of safety. 60 00:03:45,418 --> 00:03:46,858 So how does it get those? 61 00:03:47,068 --> 00:03:48,358 It can receive these signals from a few sources. 62 00:03:50,353 --> 00:03:52,033 Uh, number one is the rest of the brain. 63 00:03:52,183 --> 00:03:56,473 So thinking can influence your brainstem, like, uh, remembering 64 00:03:56,473 --> 00:04:01,753 safety or learning new judgment free information like the polyvagal theory. 65 00:04:02,173 --> 00:04:03,673 Uh, we'll call this top down. 66 00:04:03,823 --> 00:04:05,293 The rest of the body is the second source. 67 00:04:05,293 --> 00:04:09,223 Everything that's happening below the brainstem, so we'll call this bottom up, 68 00:04:09,493 --> 00:04:13,453 singing and dancing, are really great examples of cueing safety in the body. 69 00:04:14,043 --> 00:04:15,968 The third source is the outside world. 70 00:04:15,998 --> 00:04:17,798 The things that are happening outside of your body. 71 00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:22,388 These can send signals of safety to, and this is what we're gonna focus on. 72 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,083 For the rest of this episode. 73 00:04:24,083 --> 00:04:27,953 We're gonna call this outside in and even more in particular, we 74 00:04:27,953 --> 00:04:30,083 will call these passive safety cues. 75 00:04:30,083 --> 00:04:34,283 These are things from the outside that you don't really have to do anything with. 76 00:04:34,313 --> 00:04:37,913 They just sort of cue safety in your system passively. 77 00:04:38,073 --> 00:04:39,183 Passive safety cues 78 00:04:39,811 --> 00:04:43,951 So the outside world can send your brainstem cues of safety or defense. 79 00:04:44,341 --> 00:04:47,071 We want to increase the cues of safety. 80 00:04:47,761 --> 00:04:52,381 The problem is that we don't have much control over the outside world, right? 81 00:04:52,891 --> 00:04:55,831 Uh, we can't turn off the annoying music at the grocery store. 82 00:04:55,831 --> 00:04:59,551 We can't make people give us more space when we're in line and we can't 83 00:04:59,551 --> 00:05:04,141 stop the incessant loudspeaker that's announcing codes when we're there. 84 00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:08,896 We also can't control the weather, and we also probably don't live 85 00:05:08,896 --> 00:05:14,236 in a forest or near a picturesque beach that you can easily access by 86 00:05:14,236 --> 00:05:15,406 stepping outside of your back door. 87 00:05:15,406 --> 00:05:22,336 I know I don't if you do good for you, but we do have homes and we have complete 88 00:05:22,336 --> 00:05:24,736 control over the things in our homes. 89 00:05:25,036 --> 00:05:28,411 Or if you're like renting a room, you have control over your room. 90 00:05:28,591 --> 00:05:32,521 You can control how loud things are and you can control the space or 91 00:05:32,521 --> 00:05:33,901 how quiet things are, excuse me. 92 00:05:34,261 --> 00:05:36,691 And you can control the space and the lighting too. 93 00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:39,511 Of course, there's some restrictions, but there's a lot of control we do 94 00:05:39,511 --> 00:05:41,011 have over the things in our home. 95 00:05:41,401 --> 00:05:44,791 So can you bring the beach in your home or can you bring the forest? 96 00:05:44,791 --> 00:05:46,051 No, not really, but. 97 00:05:46,536 --> 00:05:50,706 You can turn the sound of waves on, or you can get a candle that smells 98 00:05:51,096 --> 00:05:53,016 like your favorite forest tree. 99 00:05:53,676 --> 00:05:56,496 So maybe you can't make the perfect home environment that's 100 00:05:56,496 --> 00:05:57,756 ready to be in a magazine. 101 00:05:57,756 --> 00:06:01,776 We don't need that, but you can adjust some things in your home to 102 00:06:01,776 --> 00:06:04,386 cue more safety today than yesterday. 103 00:06:04,866 --> 00:06:09,066 I talk a lot about this in my second book, stuck Not Broken, book Two, 104 00:06:09,096 --> 00:06:13,366 building Safety, and also in the Building Safety Anchors Course in the 105 00:06:13,366 --> 00:06:17,986 Unstucking Academy, but I will cover three really easy things that you can do 106 00:06:17,986 --> 00:06:19,636 to increase safety from the outside in. 107 00:06:19,636 --> 00:06:20,356 In this episode. 108 00:06:20,476 --> 00:06:25,696 Before implementing these though, I want you to focus on one area of your home, 109 00:06:26,296 --> 00:06:30,496 not the entire home, not the entire room, maybe just a corner, just one area. 110 00:06:31,066 --> 00:06:34,516 In the book, and in the course, I call this the Passive Safety Environment. 111 00:06:35,056 --> 00:06:38,866 Pick one area to increase passive safety cues, and then branch out 112 00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:40,366 from there as you're ready to. 113 00:06:40,510 --> 00:06:42,690 Scent in the Passive Safety Environment 114 00:06:43,372 --> 00:06:48,202 you can easily increase passive safety cues through the smells of 115 00:06:48,262 --> 00:06:50,272 your passive safety environment. 116 00:06:50,962 --> 00:06:54,472 This probably won't cost you a thing since I am willing to bet. 117 00:06:54,907 --> 00:06:59,827 You already have a candle or some form of aromatherapy, like 118 00:06:59,827 --> 00:07:01,267 one of those diffuser things. 119 00:07:01,807 --> 00:07:04,297 Um, I just got this candle from Hawaii. 120 00:07:05,077 --> 00:07:08,227 We visited the north shore of Oahu last week. 121 00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:12,394 I picked this up because it has a coconut scent to it, and it is awesome. 122 00:07:13,024 --> 00:07:14,284 Is it worth 30 bucks? 123 00:07:14,284 --> 00:07:16,024 Not really, but I got it anyways. 124 00:07:16,089 --> 00:07:19,384 I, I love the scent and the taste of coconut. 125 00:07:19,484 --> 00:07:22,754 I also highly recommend opening windows for a bit and then 126 00:07:22,754 --> 00:07:24,224 letting your space air out. 127 00:07:24,254 --> 00:07:27,134 I find it really useful, kinda like a blank slate. 128 00:07:27,344 --> 00:07:30,764 Plus if the weather's right and you can open things up, well now 129 00:07:30,764 --> 00:07:34,184 you have a soft breeze coming in and some sunlight providing even 130 00:07:34,184 --> 00:07:36,584 more layers of passive safety. 131 00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:40,334 So find a scent that speaks to your system currently. 132 00:07:40,904 --> 00:07:42,794 Uh, get it going, and that's about it. 133 00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:47,264 That scent will continually provide you with cues of safety passively. 134 00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:49,244 Once it's on, you don't really have to think about it anymore. 135 00:07:49,381 --> 00:07:51,341 Lighting of your Passive Safety Environment 136 00:07:52,526 --> 00:07:55,826 This one might be a tad more challenging and and potentially cost something, 137 00:07:55,826 --> 00:07:57,416 and that's adjusting your lighting. 138 00:07:57,776 --> 00:07:59,816 But let's start as free as possible. 139 00:08:00,356 --> 00:08:04,406 You probably have curtains or some other window covering in your home. 140 00:08:04,706 --> 00:08:07,616 If you're in a dysregulated shutdown state it might feel good 141 00:08:07,616 --> 00:08:11,846 to have your curtains closed and block light from coming in, but. 142 00:08:12,221 --> 00:08:14,151 That's not necessarily safety cueing. 143 00:08:14,171 --> 00:08:17,171 I know it kind of feels better, but that's not the same as safety cueing. 144 00:08:17,891 --> 00:08:20,561 But maybe your system is ready for a bit more light. 145 00:08:20,621 --> 00:08:23,891 So opening your curtains, a crack might be a good idea. 146 00:08:24,491 --> 00:08:28,181 As you get more safety in your system, opening them a bit more and more 147 00:08:28,181 --> 00:08:30,341 and more will be easier and easier. 148 00:08:30,671 --> 00:08:33,551 So if you need darkness at first, fine, but listen to your system. 149 00:08:33,551 --> 00:08:34,961 It might be ready for a little bit of light. 150 00:08:35,127 --> 00:08:38,457 If you lean toward darker environments, you could also turn on, on like a, uh, 151 00:08:38,457 --> 00:08:40,772 a lamp in the room, especially like a smaller spot, you know, a little 152 00:08:41,007 --> 00:08:43,227 lamp, not the huge overhead lighting. 153 00:08:43,479 --> 00:08:47,649 And if your lamp is too bright, well, can you dim it or can you add a shade to 154 00:08:47,649 --> 00:08:52,119 it, or can you cover it with something that's heat and fire resistant? 155 00:08:52,119 --> 00:08:53,049 Please don't start any fires. 156 00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:57,219 When cueing safety from lighting, natural lighting is typically better 157 00:08:57,219 --> 00:09:02,319 than artificial, um, for passive safety, but it's also free, which is good. 158 00:09:02,469 --> 00:09:06,219 As much as I love natural light, I also love my, uh, 159 00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:08,499 smart bulb artificial lighting. 160 00:09:09,279 --> 00:09:11,259 This might be a great idea if you have the money for it. 161 00:09:11,589 --> 00:09:13,089 I have these all around my house. 162 00:09:13,089 --> 00:09:17,559 Even on the outside deck, I can adjust the brightness to the, just the right amount. 163 00:09:17,904 --> 00:09:20,064 I could even adjust the color that they emit. 164 00:09:20,754 --> 00:09:24,894 All the customizable options can even be further customized by the 165 00:09:24,894 --> 00:09:26,304 time of day that they come on. 166 00:09:26,354 --> 00:09:30,914 So as the sun sets here, bulbs come on all around the home to help 167 00:09:30,914 --> 00:09:32,744 me and my family feel super cozy. 168 00:09:32,744 --> 00:09:35,984 Not bright lighting, but just dim lighting all around the house. 169 00:09:35,984 --> 00:09:36,884 It's really nice. 170 00:09:37,146 --> 00:09:39,936 the Physical space of your Passive Safety Environment. 171 00:09:40,946 --> 00:09:45,536 The last passive safety environment tip I will give is physical space. 172 00:09:46,106 --> 00:09:49,316 Physical space includes ensuring that you have enough room to sit 173 00:09:49,316 --> 00:09:52,436 or lay down or stand up or do yoga or or whatever else you want. 174 00:09:52,946 --> 00:09:53,966 There's no right amount of space. 175 00:09:53,966 --> 00:09:55,436 You'll need to listen to your body. 176 00:09:55,946 --> 00:09:59,636 I'm sure you know what too little space is like sitting 177 00:09:59,636 --> 00:10:01,556 next to strangers in a stadium. 178 00:10:02,306 --> 00:10:05,906 But for you, what's the right amount of space that helps 179 00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:08,846 you feel more comfortable, that helps you breathe easier? 180 00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:12,022 I'm a fairly tall drink of water at six feet and tend to 181 00:10:12,022 --> 00:10:13,762 bump into things far too often. 182 00:10:14,122 --> 00:10:15,172 I need a lot of space. 183 00:10:15,172 --> 00:10:19,792 I do not do well in cramped environments, so when setting up my passive safety 184 00:10:19,792 --> 00:10:24,322 environment in my home office here and also in my therapy office, in my work 185 00:10:24,322 --> 00:10:27,772 office, I made sure to include enough space for what feels good for me. 186 00:10:27,896 --> 00:10:30,806 Physical space can also include the tidiness of your 187 00:10:30,806 --> 00:10:32,066 passive safety environment. 188 00:10:32,336 --> 00:10:37,946 So is your desk clear or do you have a bunch of cords and crumbs and a old 189 00:10:37,946 --> 00:10:39,476 cup of coffee that's laying around? 190 00:10:39,986 --> 00:10:42,626 Can you actually sit on your chair or your couch? 191 00:10:42,656 --> 00:10:45,026 Or is your kids or your spouse's stuff there? 192 00:10:45,056 --> 00:10:48,446 Or maybe it's your own stuff that you've thrown down after work, and I know 193 00:10:48,446 --> 00:10:50,156 you're gonna get to it, but it is there. 194 00:10:50,265 --> 00:10:54,225 Maybe it's time to get rid of stuff, to declutter, to tidy, or to clean up. 195 00:10:54,365 --> 00:10:56,285 Identify one step you can take today. 196 00:10:57,090 --> 00:11:00,660 So there's a few ideas on what you can do today to increase 197 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:01,800 your passive safety cues. 198 00:11:01,830 --> 00:11:03,690 Again, this doesn't release your trauma. 199 00:11:03,690 --> 00:11:05,880 This doesn't solve all your mental health problems. 200 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:10,590 But what it does do is lay a nice, solid foundation, a place that you can go 201 00:11:10,590 --> 00:11:15,810 to, to breathe a bit easier, maybe even smile, a place to relax and calm down. 202 00:11:16,335 --> 00:11:20,955 And from that foundation you could even go further and start to feel other 203 00:11:20,955 --> 00:11:24,225 things you have inside of you, and that really is how you get unstuck. 204 00:11:24,347 --> 00:11:26,687 Okay, so now you know all about passive safety cues. 205 00:11:26,867 --> 00:11:30,707 You know about the brainstem instead of trying to hack your vagal nerve. 206 00:11:30,887 --> 00:11:34,637 Now, hopefully you're ready to simplify and focus on one area 207 00:11:34,637 --> 00:11:37,727 of your home to start creating a passive safety environment. 208 00:11:38,117 --> 00:11:40,127 So let's start that process today. 209 00:11:40,397 --> 00:11:42,317 You don't need to create the perfect environment. 210 00:11:42,797 --> 00:11:46,037 You don't even need to get, uh, halfway there instead. 211 00:11:46,712 --> 00:11:49,652 Let's make one adjustment to your space. 212 00:11:49,982 --> 00:11:51,542 Pick one thing to change. 213 00:11:51,902 --> 00:11:53,342 I'll give you some easy options. 214 00:11:53,342 --> 00:11:54,692 Based on what we talked about today. 215 00:11:54,850 --> 00:11:58,390 Is there a candle or other smelly good source that you can put on? 216 00:11:59,020 --> 00:12:01,540 Is there clutter that you can declutter? 217 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,790 Is there a curtain to open? 218 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,280 Are there cords that you can hide? 219 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:08,830 Are there crumbs to vacuum up? 220 00:12:08,940 --> 00:12:13,620 Do you have a dusty lamp that's ready to give you some warm lighting again? 221 00:12:14,370 --> 00:12:16,440 Just pick one and make it happen. 222 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:21,180 Today we want small, sustainable steps, not large overhauls, 223 00:12:21,180 --> 00:12:22,410 that's gonna overwhelm you. 224 00:12:22,410 --> 00:12:23,940 So I'm not asking you to paint your room. 225 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,310 This, this passive safety environment room. 226 00:12:26,730 --> 00:12:28,080 I'm not asking you to move furniture around. 227 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,520 Just one thing today. 228 00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:31,740 Tomorrow, you can take it a step further if you like. 229 00:12:31,787 --> 00:12:34,907 Thank you so much for joining me on Stuck Not Broken. 230 00:12:35,357 --> 00:12:37,967 If you're new to the Polyvagal theory and you like this type of information, 231 00:12:37,997 --> 00:12:42,287 I have a new subscription tier for you within the Unstucking Academy. 232 00:12:42,287 --> 00:12:43,907 It used to be called Stuck Not Collective. 233 00:12:44,357 --> 00:12:46,757 Now I'm calling it the Unstucking Academy. 234 00:12:47,147 --> 00:12:49,697 This new tier is like the foundations tier. 235 00:12:49,757 --> 00:12:54,677 You can get the Polyvagal 1 0 1 course and a course called Gently Feel 236 00:12:54,677 --> 00:12:56,627 your Polyvagal States in three days. 237 00:12:57,107 --> 00:13:00,827 You get those two courses plus a Q and a with me every month. 238 00:13:01,712 --> 00:13:05,642 Uh, plus Daily Growth Hub challenges plus resources. 239 00:13:06,152 --> 00:13:09,422 So this is like the perfect place to go for 10 bucks a month. 240 00:13:09,452 --> 00:13:10,412 It's only 10 bucks a month. 241 00:13:10,862 --> 00:13:12,812 And you can meet with me one, not one-on-one, sorry. 242 00:13:12,812 --> 00:13:15,812 You can, you can meet with me in the q and a community. 243 00:13:15,812 --> 00:13:17,192 Whoever shows up will be there as well. 244 00:13:17,642 --> 00:13:21,812 But you can meet with me, with me there, ask questions, gain some clarity, and 245 00:13:21,812 --> 00:13:28,232 really make sure that your polyvagal theory knowledge is as clear as it can be. 246 00:13:28,232 --> 00:13:29,492 Like you really wanna hone that in. 247 00:13:30,032 --> 00:13:31,952 And then you can take the next steps after that. 248 00:13:32,002 --> 00:13:32,902 That's it for this one. 249 00:13:33,052 --> 00:13:34,282 Uh, thanks so much for listening again. 250 00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:34,792 Bye.