I thought that if I did everything you told me I couldn't do, if I

ran through all the walls that you told me, I'll never get over that. I

got to a certain point, you would give me my gold star. So we

lose the ability to be able to value ourselves because we put it into the

hands of other people who are never going to give it to us. I

got four degrees. I have all these things. I have all this rank.

I'm miserable. I'm single. I'm crazy.

I'm tired. My soul is exhausted. And I'm still

seeking validation from other people. And I lost the ability

to self validate. So

that's the turning point. And when I left and I

ran away and resigned, like Tina turned around from ike in that white suit.

With three and a half years left to retire,

once I finally got myself back together, what I learned is I wasn't

alone. I'm not the only one who do it. High achieving

women, we share a lot of the same

challenges. So my goal is to solve

for X on that problem only. Got it. And

the byproduct is money. Because once you get yourself back together, once you

bring yourself back into your household, once you become present with your kids.

Right. We save 20 marriages once you come back into your body.

And now you're able to be very

pleasing and intimate with your husband again, because you're not fighting with whoever at

work now, God will release to you the next level

of financial increase that's been waiting for you. But

until you become the person that will be able to manage it, you're not going

to get it.

Welcome to another edition of the social Proof podcast. We find dope people that

do dope stuff. Today's no different. Got Christy Rutherford in

here. You lit. Which Christy is coming today? Is

it like, the professional Christie? Is it nuck, if

you buck? Is it? I'm actually all of them. So it

depends on how the conversation goes. It's a

smooth transition between professionalism. Nuck, if you buck

professionalism, ratchet. You know what I'm saying? I

love it. I love it. So tell me about yourself.

Like when. Okay, do it this

way. Okay. If.

Ideal situation, person a is talking to

person b about you. Okay. How would you like person

a to introduce you to person b? And B

doesn't know who you are.

Okay. I would like to be introduced

as well. One, they gonna say I'm crazy, right?

That the theme? That's one. Okay. But crazy is all relevant. For sure.

For sure. So crazy as in, you know, my gift

is seeing people for the greater version, for who they are and not who they

are in the moment. So I can see you living in the fullness of your

destiny. Regardless if you're operating here, I see

you here, which gets me in trouble a lot of times, because if I see

you only in this and I treat you like this, and then when you act

this way, there's a gap. But really, they're gonna say, one, you gotta have

thick skin to be around Christie. Two, don't be

in your feelings. And three, she's amazing because she can see you in your

full potential. Gotcha. Conflict arises is when I

try to get them there, or if they don't. See it,

I'm gonna turn this air on because it's a little warm. It's a little warm,

is it? Are you warm? It's a little hot. Little warm. Okay, what about. Cause

I want you to be comfortable. Here we go. Okay. I ain't had

no hot flash. Cool. So,

professionally, you help women make more money in

corporate? I do, and in their small businesses, but mostly corporate women are the ones

that I focus on. Why? Cause they got my

money. Entrepreneurs. Don't

entrepreneurs have money, too? But really, the thing about the

challenges that women have at work, regardless if they're

lawyers, doctors, in the military,

strong, alpha women are

harassed almost to the point where either we're going to

fight, or we're going to fall into a box and don't get up

again. So a lot of women say that they're introverts. They're not introverts. They're just

playing small because they don't want to fight anymore. So I want to help

women finish the race because I didn't finish the race. I don't know. Hold

on. You said they're not introverts. They're just

playing small. Playing small. I don't agree with that.

I do. Well, here's the thing. So here's the thing.

Some people are naturally more introverted where they

just prefer not to engage with other

humans like that. But. So I would say

that Mark Zuckerberg is an

introvert. Yes. He doesn't play small at all. So I'm not saying

that introverts play small. I'm saying alpha women who have

been harassed and who are tired of

fighting start to play small, and they stop

speaking up in meetings and wonder why they're getting overlooked.

Gotcha. So you're saying some of that behavior

turns into them saying, oh, I'm an introvert. When really, that's not

the life you desire. Yes. That's not who you are. But life

has made you turn you into. Ooh. Yeah.

So my favorite question to ask is, are you who you are, or

are you who life made you? You're not an introvert.

Life challenges being told you're, you know, you're

not good enough, or men are intimidated by you, or everybody at your

work hate you. All these other kind of things, they made you an

introvert. You've gotten it twisted. You're playing small because

you're tired and you don't want to fight anymore, so you just give up and

you say, oh, I'm an introvert. No, you're playing small.

So I'm not 100% familiar with kind of like

the corporate arena or structure because I worked as a server

most of my adult life, so I'm not familiar

with the kind of politics that it takes to get to the next level in

corporate. What is that life like.

Regardless of whether you're in corporate? I was in the military. Office

politics, or office politics, but it's the same as a server.

Cause I was a server. I heard you talk seven years,

right? Well, six years at the cheesecake factory before I

left. Before that, out of garden for a year. I worked at Applebee's.

Yeah. Yeah. So it's really like, how do

you say what you need to say and how do

you, in the beginning, make your

mannerisms pleasing to the people that you are

serving in order for you to yield what you want from them? Which is a

big tip. Yes. Yes. After a

while, when some women get to certain parts of leadership, they know,

they say, accept me as I am, which is who life

made them. I no longer want to yield and have

a pleasing personality, so I can yield from you what I want,

which is to raise our promotion. They just don't want to do it. They just

check out. They say, I don't want to play office politics. And I'm like, either

you're going to play or you going to be played. The game is being played.

Either you won't play the game or you getting played. Either you gonna

move the pieces on the chessboard or you gonna get moved.

Because you're a piece on the chessboard. You're a piece on the chessboard. Wow. It

is what it is. And so, a lot of times I'm getting loud now. Get

excited. No, talk to me. I need that. I need that. Give me that energy.

Women. You can't complain that you're losing

if you're not willing to engage in. Engage in a game that's being

played, whether or not you want to play it. Got it, got

it, got it. So, so, yeah, as a server,

it's not the, it's like the aspiration of a

server isn't always to be the manager or to

kind of go up the ranks. The aspiration is, yo, how can I make as

much money as possible? Because in my, as a server, it's like

most of us are doing something outside of work. You know what I mean?

So it's like college students, they come home from

college and they pick up a job at the restaurant or whatever,

but mentally, where's the abuse coming

from in a corporate arena? You know,

it's interesting. First

generation women, first gen, were not

prepared for what it's going to take to be able

to ascend to the higher levels. First generation women, first generation women who went to

college. So I'm the first one of the first people in my family to go

to college. I wasn't ready for corporate. I wasn't ready for. Actually, it wasn't

corporate. It was military. I wasn't ready to go to an organization

where they just straight up say, you don't belong here because you're black or because

you're a woman and that you're not going to make it. So

being at home, right. But here's the thing about

fighting. We started fighting long before we

got to work, long before we got into the workplace. Typically, we're fighting our

families because a lot of women that I work with, we're the high

achievement, we're the ambitious. We want to go get it. So you're going to be

different. You're going to set yourself apart and that alone. And you understand that, right?

We leave our families. It happens with men, too. So we're told. I was

told in 6th grade, I'll never match much.

I'm 6th grade, it's a teacher. 8th grade, 9th

grade. So I'm going to prove you wrong or I'm going to prove you right.

I almost proved them right. I'm a comedian. I like to talk.

I crack jokes. Does that make sense? So I stayed in trouble all the time.

But that's my gift, that they wanted to shun

and judge me for what was naturally my talent.

Now I go to college, black college. I love it. South Carolina

State. But, Chris, you ain't black enough. And I'm like, what does that even mean?

Cause, you know, light skin, long hair, green eyes,

it's a lot, right? But now I joined the

military, and now I don't belong there either. So a part of the

separation of the fight. I started fighting

long before I got there. So now I've learned how to work harder to prove

you wrong about me. So now I'm going to work harder. I'm going to

get a million degrees. I want to work 80 hours a week. And in the

military, we wear our resumes on our shirts. So we

walk in the room. You already know, you know,

when I walk in the room and I thought that this is probably about

16 years in. I thought that if I worked hard enough, if I got

the awards, I got more awards to doctor to decorate the Rockefeller

Christmas tree. It's a lot. Highly decorated. I walk in with my

rank. You've probably never seen another

black officer in the coast Guard. It's 300 out of 47,000

people. It's 50 black women officers out of 47,000 people. So you definitely

never seen another black woman officer. And I'm

high ranking, so I thought that if I did everything you told

me I couldn't do, if I ran through all the walls that you told me,

I'll never get over that. I got to a certain point, you would give me

my gold star. So we lose the ability to be able to value

ourselves because we put it into the hands of other people who are never going

to give it to us. I got four degrees. I have all these things. I

have all this rank. I'm miserable. I'm

single. I'm crazy. I'm tired. My

soul is exhausted, and I'm still seeking validation

from other people. And I lost the ability to self validate.

So that's the turning point. And when I left

and I ran away and resigned like Tina Turner ran from hiking that white

suit with three and a half years left to retire,

once I finally got myself back together, what I learned is I wasn't

alone. I'm not the only one who do it. High achieving

women, we share a lot of the same

challenges. So my goal is to solve

for x on that problem only. Got it. And

the byproduct is money. Because once you get yourself back together, once you

bring yourself back into your household, once you become present with your kids,

right. We save 20 marriages once you come back into your body. And

now you're able to be very pleasing

and intimate with your husband again because you're not fighting with whoever at work

now, God will release to you the next level of financial

increase that's been waiting for you. But until you become

the person that will be able to manage it, you're not going to get it.

Got it. Now I do. I can understand some of the

challenge in Alpha woman. You're an Alpha woman? Yes. Would you

decide? Yes. Yes. Okay. Define Alpha woman

before I get into that question. Alpha women are just strong women who just survived

a lot of stuff. Mm hmm. Okay. It's strong. Gotcha.

As opposed to what?

You know, so I've seen a lot of these,

actually. I've just heard about it. Pay attention to it perfectly. When people

judge Alpha women. Right. And

then. So it's Alpha and then contrarian. Alpha.

I don't judge women for who they are. What is contrarian? Contrarian. Or,

like, the kind of passive. The B types. Got you. Right. Just kind of

chill, laid back, not really aggressive.

I got you. I got you.

I want to assist women who were

just like me. Right. And a lot of people talk about strong women.

They talk about us. They don't talk to us because we can't

tell people that we're suffering. I made four times the amount of money that my

family made. I'm the first six figure earner in my family. I got four degrees.

I'm Christy Rutherford, high achievement officer. I can't

tell people that I'm suffering. And if I tell them that I'm

suffering, do they hear me or do they hear the brand that I've

created? So you got Christy,

the military officer, and then you got. Who's professionally

developed, and then you got Christy, the person who left

personal development for professional development. And I'm this big.

That's the biggest gap that we have to close for. Goodness gracious.

So I can understand how an

alpha woman, someone is, like, driven. They want to get to the next level.

There's. It may be intimidated by

not only just men, but anybody's going to hire

rank, I suppose. Right. What

are some of the like?

Because you coach a lot of women. I coach a lot of women. And

you gave. There was some insane number of. We're at 14 million

now. 14 million. Describe that 14 million number from audience.

So we're at $14 million in raises, salary

increases, and small business revenue since

June 2020. 14 million.

Give me an example of someone you helped raise their salary.

Actually, I've took one client from 210 to 635.

We took 210,000 to

635,000. Yeah, I took

one. One client from 200. Oh, no, let's

stay there. Let's stay right there. What was this person

doing professionally? She worked in.

In the medical field. She wasn't a doctor, though, but like it.

Medicine, fintech. I'm at health tech.

Health health technology. She comes to you with what problem?

She's tired.

She is tired of running through a wall. She had

interviewed for several positions but kept getting,

she couldn't get through to the other side. She kept getting turned down.

She wasn't present with her family and

she wanted to get promoted. I don't know what's going on with myself.

So she wanted to get promoted. Want to get promoted. What did you fix

her house? Her stress. First

self care workout.

Meditate, exercise,

sleep. Simple things,

right, of people who take care of themselves.

Improve the relationship with your husband. Because if, and I'm

not gonna judge women, but I'ma say it. Can I say it? You can say

it. Don't be cussing. Oh, I don't cuss. I want my uncle to see

it. So, you know, if a lot of times

women aren't at home, when they're at home, they're at work.

You know what I'm saying? And they come home and they complain about their

job for 3 hours when they're only really at

home for an hour. Even if they're presently in

the house for 8 hours, they're not really in the house because they're thinking about

work. So how can you have a conversation with your

spouse about what your goals are or

what the family goals are if you're only talking about getting to the next

level and who did you wrong today and who you cussed out

today? So you're bringing that home. And at a certain point, spouses check out. Cause

they don't wanna hear that 100%. I remember my wife when

she was working. She'll come home and say, so and so. And he passed out.

Cause it's this white girl and I'm black and I'm like,

you know what I mean? It's like, I can't. One, I can't relate. Yeah.

Two, I'm trying to be supportive as a husband, but I don't understand up to

a certain point, correct. And I don't

really care. Yes. If I can say that

quietly. Yes. So. So for years. So

now you're disconnected with everybody in your house and you're only seeking to

get a raise. Like, you don't even see the

calamities and the shit show that

is behind you because you're only thinking about getting to the next level

and who you're fighting today. So once

you come back into yourself,

whoo. That's one. See, this is release.

Now you're no longer engaged in these petty battles because they

don't matter. And there's always going to be somebody who's going to be

petty and is going to piss you off. You choose whether or not you're going

to engage into the pettiness and now destroy your peace and your

joy again. But once you come back into your body now,

you can actually see what's happening in your

household that you're completely un, that you're completely unaware of. So a lot of

times, women are unconscious of what's going on in

their surroundings because they're only focused on work.

Wow. Only. And once they see that,

now you can change, but you can't change what you can't see.

That's a fact. That's a fact. So you dig into the household personal

development, and as a result of that, they walk in with

another confidence. They walk in with higher goals. So what was your

outside? Well, when we fixed that in terms of directly related

to getting this raised, where do you step in on that

part? Listen, if I was gonna teach you how to make a million dollars, would

you give me 10,000? Like if I had a course teach you how to make

a million dollars a year? Positive. You're gonna make a million dollars. Would you give

me 10,000? Of course you would. It's no brainer, right? So, in a calendar year,

we make seven figures with the podcast. But there's 21 things that I

extracted from that that you're going to need to launch your podcast. But I only

got time to give you three right now. One is, is you need a distribution

platform. The distribution platform is what you upload your podcast

to. That platform sends it to Spotify, Apple, Google

Play, so that your supporters can actually listen to your podcast. You're also going

to need a microphone. You need a really good microphone, so it's crispy audio. And

three, you need an income strategy. This is not necessarily a hobby, unless you're going

to make it a hobby. But I can teach you how. I made the seven

figures with these 21 things. Now, the good news is you don't have to give

me 10,000. My ebook is only $37. Okay, so

listen, go to podcastebook.com and get the

21 things that you need. And I can explain it in detail. All the things

that you need. Okay, podcastebook.com. Let's get to the episode.

So once you come back to self

only by taking care of yourself, which is a lot of women won't do

like, women be like, oh, I'm the last on the list. I'm in the bottom

of the total poll. They will make sure everybody else is taken care of, will

not take care of themselves, and then blame everybody else for not allowing them to

take care of themselves. That's real. All right. Which is insane.

Cause men are cool. Like, one of my friends wrote a book because

she would be mad that her husband would go work out and she didn't have

time to work out. And he was like, that's on you. She's mad at him

because he would go work out, but she's not really mad at him.

She hasn't made the time to work out. Exactly. So

women are accustomed to putting ourselves, I would say.

Cause I wanna be included in that, but I'm good now. Last and

make sure. Making sure everyone else is a priority but ourselves, but then get

bitter because nobody will give you permission to take care of yourself. That's on you.

Once you do that and you relax and you become, and you

stop engaging in petty battles and you know exactly who you are,

you show up work, you show up at work differently. And once the boss

sees that or the leaders see that, they be like, okay, now you're ready for

additional levels of responsibility. Because if you're

doing 20 good things, Tony doing

one right thing, does that make sense?

You think working harder and getting more degrees is going to get you

promoted, but you're not capable of handling additional responsibility

because you burning out now, Tony, good. He working 30

hours a week. He going to the basketball games. He playing

golf. So he could these men continue to get promoted while we're the

worker bees and not the queen bee. Once you become the queen bee and you

do the one or two right things, boom.

Either you're going to get a promotion in the job, which has happened. 70% of

my clients don't leave their jobs. Or you start exploring other

opportunities and they flow to you. So it's the law of attraction. Once you know

what you want. Wow. Then you coincidentally

get called by a recruiter. They could coincidentally have somebody reach out to them

in LinkedIn. It coincidentally, one of their mentors will call them

from another organization that used to work for them. That's

how it happens. That is interesting. So it's not. I

imagine you are like, going in and say, okay, fill out your resume this

way. When you do the interview, talk like this, you like, yo

get hold and things happen. That's it. We don't do

resume writing. I don't do LinkedIn writing. Because your resume

is a reflection of how you see yourself. And if you see yourself this

big, because you a worker bee the queen will tell you exactly who

she is, but we don't do. It's not about the resumes. It's

about how you see yourself and what you're going to ask for. So.

So if you. If

you were offered a dollar 200 lobster and

a two dollar lobster, which one you gonna choose? 200. Exactly.

So if a woman who's valued at 325 or

425 only asks for $85,000,

people gonna be like this? Does that make sense? Yeah, 100%.

What's wrong with her? So then you take this job, you're

better than your boss's boss's boss. Now, you've created a

toxic work environment, and you're blaming them for being toxic because you're

better than them, because you are. Yeah.

The insanity of it's insane. So it's pretty much the

person that's above you is so small.

It's frustrating for a big person in this environment to be

managed by smaller. People, but they chose the

smaller position. And this is where the frustration

comes. And I guess if you don't see it that way, it's an

unexplainable frustration. Unexplainable. I'm like, you're

creating it. Like. But once they awaken through

self care, period.

Oh, oh, okay. Can I. Can I get 475? They'd be like,

okay,

just like that. Because it's cheaper to keep

you. They know you're valuable. You

don't know. You don't know yet. You don't know.

They know. And they love.

Goodness gracious, yo. So,

as a matter of fact, this might not be related to anything, and it might

be the wrong advice, but I'm gonna say it, and I

wanna get your opinion on it. Okay.

What I'm saying does not reflect the beliefs of

anybody on this show or on the social group podcast. But here's what he

said. He said.

He said that

a wife should know that

at any moment I'll leave. Who said

that? I'm not telling you. Okay. A person said that, but he said yes. And

I want to get your perspective. So his thing was saying,

my wife will not. My. My wife

is going to know. Now, we have a beautiful family,

you know, everything's good, but

she should know that at any moment,

I don't need this relationship. Oh.

So what sparked

that is what you said when you're walking into

your office with the attitude of,

I don't need y'all. Yes. So

I just want to hear your comment. Your like, what you're

thinking on what this guy said. When

a woman remembers

her value cause we lost it somewhere along the way.

It ain't even about knowing your value. It ain't about discovering who

you are. You need to remember who you are before life choked you

out. Hmm. Right. Remember who

you are before whatever trauma happened in your

childhood. Remember who you are before you get. You started getting

harassed at work by the men and the women.

Right. Once a queen

remembers who she is and puts the crown on

that she already possessed. All right?

And I'm not saying it's not about being disrespectful, but a queen

can stand on her own, and her. And the queen,

or her and the king or queen, right, can rule together.

But just because you leave, that does not diminish my shine.

I'll be all right. And even

if you take all the money, I'm a

queen. I can make money. We're

good. So you agree with that philosophy? I don't

agree with the philosophy. I'm just saying that when a woman remembers

how great she is and how powerful she is,

really, external circumstances don't really move her to be

shattered and being wanted to do something that's

detrimental to self because of the actions of the behaviors of other people.

If you leave, cool. I mean, I might cry, but

I'm gonna be okay because I know who I am. And I'm not

saying that they won't be heartbroken, and I'm not saying that, you know,

whatever the emotions are and the shoulda, woulda, coulda. But a woman who

remembers who she is is going to be okay. And

that does make sense on two points. One,

in a corporate environment, if I'm really good at what I

do, they understand that I have value. And you

need me more than I need you. If you know that. If

you know that. Most women don't know that. And when you go into an

interview, oh, I just. I just take whatever you give me. You

know what you got, right? They don't like

that. Or you're gonna get mad because you feel like they're taking advantage of

you. But when you walk into an interview, one of my clients

recently, we 2.5 x her salary at the

same job. I told her I don't quit that job. Quit that job because

her job wasn't frustrating her. She wasn't. She was miserable.

Right. My job is making me miserable. No, you miserable.

It's all the stuff before you get to work that's making you miserable. Yeah, you're

miserable. You just show up on Zoom miserable.

Does that make sense? No. Your job isn't making you miserable. You

drive to work miserable and walk in miserable. Does that make sense?

Once she became happy and moved to a

geographic location that she wanted to be at, everything

kind of fell into place. Now she 100% remote.

2.5 x her salary. She makes pretty good money, writes her

own job description. Really autonomous.

They'd be like, this. What you want to do? How much? She said, I got

three job offers. They offer me this, this, and this. They was like,

what. What do. What is. What do we need to do to keep

you? That's. I want

this amount of money. They say, okay, I want to work

100% remote. Okay. And I think we got her up to

385. 385

from 158, right?

Yeah. I want to be 100% remote. I want

to do what I want to do. I want to capitalize

on my 15 years of experience and my intellectual property and create a

whole new product for this organization. Okay. They gave her

$100,000 travel budget,

and they did something else that I can't talk about,

but it's valued at $15 million. There were some

stock options. I gave her something. I can't tell her. Cause

then people find out who she. Is simply because she lost

the. She lost

the miserable seat. Yes. And when

she became value, when she became aware of who she

was. So I don't have to put up with this. You know what I'm gonna

do? I'm gonna go be happy. I'm going to

network with other people. And that's when you're showing up. People like to be around

Napoleon. He talks about having a pleasing personality. People like to be around happy people.

And they'd be like, are you. You need a job, right?

Are you looking for an opportunity? I would love to work with you. So then

it's like, oh, you a lot of work for me. Well, I got a job.

They'd be like, but how much? That's how it happens. That's how commerce

happens. But if you don't have a number in your mind of how much you're

worth, then she say 85,000. They're going to be like this. That's like a $20

lobster. Yeah. Does that make sense to lobster? She said, so

once you know who you are and you have your number, and all my clients

get a number, oh, the number's outrageous. The number of what they want,

the. Number of what their value is, I

give them that. I mean, oh, you make a 150. You should be at

675. Okay, what are you basing that off of? Because

what if the person is making 150? They're

valued at 150. Because the value is what the marketplace is willing to pay

the person. Yes. The value is not

based on what the market is, because the

market conditions can change. Right. Just like

the market value of fish changes based on whatever it is.

And if you want, if you go to a restaurant, you bougie. Now I like

you. I see a change away.

If you were working at Applebee's, was it Applebee's or it was

cheesecake factory? Cheesecake factory. Before that was Olive Garden, right? 4 hours an hour. And

if you see a dollar 20 lobster, you'd be like, cool. Yeah, right. I want

it now. When you go into restaurants, it says market value.

If you want the lobster, it doesn't really matter how much it costs.

You're not gonna be like, come over here, bro. Come over here. Before I tell

you what I want, I need to know how much it is. You're gonna order

it, and you're gonna see the price at the end. And then you be like,

I know this. Charge me $200. But you paid for it because

you knew it was a value and you had it. Women don't understand

that these corporations have money. They're just not asking.

So market value. There is no way to compute market

value. It's just how you see yourself. There's no way to compute market

value? No. Isn't it

based off what someone that prices willing to pay you put on

Internet, structural engineer

salary, or it don't matter. No,

no. Hold on. Dave, can you get this call this the plumber. He's about to

come by. No. So

my question is, how do you get somebody and find out where

Joe is? How do you get somebody to believe that?

Because people who don't believe in themselves or don't value themselves,

they don't value themselves for a reason. It's probably years of.

How do you get people to break through that? That's the work. That is the

work. That's the work. That's the real work. One we

help outside,

one we assist them with

getting clear on what they want. Cause once

you know what you want, now you know what won't get you there.

Like Doctor Miles Monroe said, once you're. Clear on what you

want, then you're clear on what won't get you there. Yes.

Okay. Okay. Once you know what you want. Like some women will

become lawyers. Like, I work with a lot of women

who their parents. They're first generation immigrants, right?

Some of them are doctors and lawyers, but they're miserable. And engineers, because that's what

their parents wanted them to do. That's not what they wanna do, right?

So it's like, what do you want? Not what job you

chose out of desperation, not what job you chose out of what will

make your family happy. What do you want to do? How do

you now want to use your 15 years experience? Some women wanna start their own

businesses, and some women like the job. I'm cool with either one,

but what do you want? What if we were all placed here,

which I believe, right, to be greater for the

world? I only work with leaders. What does that look

like? How much should I do it again? Oh,

no, it's Ben.

So what is it going to take? What's your number? Right? If you want

to. You know, one of my clients, it was a small business. Once we got

her to the fact of you should earn $50

million so you can now support scholarships.

We all have the capacity to be wealthy if you just choose to.

So it's not about you who's waiting for you to get

out of the way so you can go serve them. Once you have that

vision. Now you know what? Behaviors won't get you there. Now

you know what? People won't get you there. Now you know where your job. The

next job fits because it has to in line with where you're going. And not

just taking a job to stay lateral or linear in your

misery is like, no, this next opportunity is going to get me

here. So

that's one that's really helpful. So, before we

set out, we got to figure out what you want. Yes. Okay. What's going to

make you happy? What's going to make you happy? Yeah. Do

women struggle with that part? Initially, yes.

Cause you don't know what's going to make you happy. Exactly. So then, step two,

we have to. We have to now remove the obstacles and barriers that are keeping

you hostage to your reality. What happened?

When did life choke you out? Who did

it? Who did it? Who

did it? What bitterness do you need to let go

of? Right. So I've

talked to some women. Um, or what? I've learned a

pattern with some women whose dads were abusive in the household.

Abusive to them or to their mom? They don't like

conflict. So when conflict pops off at work,

leadership is conflict. Oh, 100%. When

conflict pops off, they're gone. They're. They turn into this orange

couch. They. They melt it to the wallpaper because they don't want to be a

part of it. Because if something's popping off in the house, they

learn how to hide because you don't want to be the victim. You don't want

to be your dad's next victim. So they learn how to run away and play

small or disappear or vanish, or if their mom had mental health issues growing

up, they learn how to walk on eggshells and walk very quiet

in conflict. Now you're in a leadership position. Conflict pops off,

you're gone. Poof. And then you complain that they're talking

over, you know, you're not in the room. They don't know they're doing it. And

I'm like, you know you're not in the room, right? They'd be like, right.

So once you become aware of that, now let's insert new action to

create new result. So we have to figure out. And

my concept. I'm getting trademarked, by the way. What's

your default response to trauma? So, what's your trauma? Default. What's your default

response to trauma? What's your default response to

somebody telling you that you're not smart? Right. If

somebody grew up with parents who told them that they weren't smart, and if you

tell a woman that she's not smart, she will attack you, or she'll play small,

or she'll start crying or something's gonna happen, whatever her default is. Whatever her default.

So that's her default response. We have to figure out, what are your triggers? There's

so much magic and triggers, because whatever is triggering you today

was something that happened back in the past. We need to go back and figure

out what that is. Solve it now. This current issue

goes away. So you're no longer in meetings, arguing

with your boss or, you know, your coworkers who didn't think that you were

smart. And it's not about them. It's about

when you were five, like, your cousin said something or your uncle said

something. That's what you're reacting to once we solve for that.

Now, if somebody challenges your intellect, I want to

invite you to pick my brain. Mine too. Mine too. Yours, too. Mine, too. Yours

too. Okay, you guys, we are so excited because we just

dropped our newest podcast series called the Brain Pick

podcast. David. Oh, it's going down. You get to pick our

brain. You have a business idea, a concept. You're stuck. You can't get off the

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got receipts. Not just that. You never know where

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is, we got all the connections. That's a big fact. We got all the connections.

So if you want to sit down with us and pick our

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wherever you see it there, and apply right now to pick our

brain. Let's go, let's go. Let's get it, let's get it.

Dang, you really got this down to. A science that's so good. It's

fun. Why do you choose women, though? Like, no,

men don't help me. Um, you know, I've got more men promoted than

women. Oh, so you do work with men? I don't at the moment. God

said, work with women. I'm hard headed. So what do you mean you got more

men promoted than women? So I've been in a game for 20 something years, right.

So I was in the military, so I'm a coach. I'm naturally

coach by nature. So in the military, I

mentored a lot of, a lot of, actually, a lot of people, white

and black, but a lot of the black officers. So some of the senior black

officers today, I mentored them directly. Got it. It

takes years to grow a senior black officer.

13 years ago, I created a mentorship program because we kept complaining

that black officers weren't getting promoted to the very senior levels at the

same rate of our white counterparts. So I created a mentorship network

to be able to connect them and do certain things. It was a lot of

work. Did you read, did you reach the senior. You reached it? I resigned

before that. Resigned? But I passed the baton, and there are more women who were

there than ever. Oh, wow. That's amazing. Yeah. So

my mentings are there, even if I didn't. Yeah, but you don't

work with women right now. I mean, men right now, I don't, you know, it's.

What was it? I work with men for a while, right? And

then God said, work with women. I was like, I ain't trying to do that.

I don't want to work women. I don't like women. Right.

Because I'm accustomed to being in a white, male dominated

work environment. I've gotten men promoted. That's easy for me. The office politics. Oh, it's

amazing. Go work with women who were just like you. I was like this. I'm

not trying to do that. So sometimes destiny and purpose is really

about the problem that you solve for people aren't talking to women. Women, high

achieving women, successful women are dying,

committing suicide because they don't see a way out. I'm now the

person who can come and tell my story without sounding weak. Cause I ain't no

punk to be able to say, look, you need to

stop and take care of yourself. One,

you'll become whole, you'll become happy. But then let's get to

the next level in the money. So part of me being disobedient,

I didn't want to tell my story because I said it was about me.

And I didn't want to talk about my fall down, my breakdown, my

challenges. I just wanted to talk about the good stuff. God was like, no, come

over here. So when I didn't do it for three years, I didn't make any

money. Wow. I mean, like, no money. I mean, like, my money would

touch and then it'd go back over here.

But once I put women's leadership success

coach in front of my name, the next day, I got like a

$5,000 keynote. A year and a half later I took it

off. And then for three months, I done had no new money. All the money

that I was getting over those months were for, like, existing

stuff. And I was like, what did I do? Like, what is my money?

And I said, oh, I removed women's. The next day I did it

again. Boom. Women's 10,000. Wow. So

Mike Murdoch talks about, he said, sometimes God will

use provisions as a motivation to get into alignment

with the law of obedience.

Say it one more time. I needed to,

I wanted to sink in. Sometimes God will use

provision as a motivator to

get into alignment with the law of obedience.

Explain the provision part. Money provision. Some people

work for a check. People who are with purpose work for provision. You

do what you love and you do your passion and the money chase you. We

don't chase money. Money chases you down once you're

operating in the gifting and the thing that you were called to

do. And the more you do it and the more you love it,

the more the money flows. Right. Give me

your breaking point. Is there a point? Do you remember

like your lowest point, your rock bottom

moment? Cause there's somebody here which they feel like

they're, they've hit rock bottom. Yep. Heck do you

do about that? Like, do you remember that moment for you or one of the

moments, is. It rock bottom mentally or financially? You've

had both? Oh, yes. Give me

mentally first. You

know, I remember emotionally,

I had a lot. But I would say the bottom fell out. I would say

my light bulb came on, and then the bottom fell off, because this is what

happens. So I was, you know, at a conference,

right? Talking. Because that's what I do. Cause I'm well decorated, Chris

Madison. And I remember

this guy who was one level above me, accused me of wearing my

uniform to show off my medals, right?

Which I was. Does

that make sense? Yeah. Like he said it to you. Or.

So, the first day we're in class, because I worked on Capitol Hill with

the late, great Elijah Cummings as the investigative

committee of my service, which is insane, because you pull back the current of odds,

and you see why we have all these problems. So I did that for three

years. So now I. At a

conference with all my peers, and they were blaming Congress for

this. And I'm like, no, that's us. You know? And they were blaming this for

whatever. And I was like, no, because I've seen behind the curtain, it's this. And

they were kept looking around, like, who is this chick? Cause I'm the only sister

in the room, right? And I'm brilliant, and I'm

decorated. Actually, they ain't seen that part yet. They just saw my ring.

So the next day, I wore the uniform to show them exactly who I

was. Also, it was like a two day thing. You went one day, Christy. Then

the next day, you wore your. Rounds, came to show them,

right? And he accused me of wearing my uniform to show off my medals,

which I did to show you. Who you talking to? Because you don't respect

me. But I was looking for their respect and validation because I didn't

respect and validate myself. That's

the problem is there is something wrong with it wearing your.

No. Eight other people had the same uniform on, right?

But when he said that, it made me stop to

realize, my God, he's right. And now I'm

like, oh, my God. I thought that when you told me I

didn't belong in my face at boot camp and officer

school, I wouldn't make it. I thought that if I worked 80

hours a week, got four degrees, you know, burned through my childbearing

years, and did all these things and became five times better

that you would accept me. And now you're saying. You

stop saying you don't belong. Now you say, who do you

think you are? So you never gave

me my gold star. And then I'm like, but he's never

gonna give it to me. That's not his job. I had to sit down like

my head was swirling of, I have blown 16

years of my life chasing validation from people

that were never responsible for giving it to me anyway. That was my

job. I lost sight of that, and that's what a lot of women are doing

in the workplace. Wow. So that was the beginning of the

unraveling to me. Resigning. Got it. Got

it. Yeah. So, financially,

your worst. And what happened?

So, when I left,

first of all, it makes for a much better story, though. Does that make sense?

Yeah. With three and a half years left to retire with a full pension, I

would have retired in 2016. I

left. It took about a year for

me to crack up. Cause I was still chasing money. I wasn't

dealing with my mindset. And always tell women, do not leave your

good job for entrepreneurship. Because I have 2%

brain capacity. Entrepreneurship

requires 120%. Oh, for sure. So I didn't know. It's almost

like being an empty coke

can. I'm gonna go be an entrepreneur. The brick was

like, smash because

I never focused on myself first. I'm a winner. I'm gonna kill it. I'm

not acknowledging that I'm empty. So

I moved in with my brother for three and a half years. God said, you

gonna be rich? I said, great. It's gonna take me two weeks,

and once I'm gonna get rich selling coffee

in two weeks, right.

Napoleon Hill has a quote where he says, if I had the courage to look

in the mirror and see myself as I truly am, then I will find

out what is wrong with me and fix it. As opposed to building alibis to

cover my misfortunes, if I had the courage to look in the

mirror and see myself as I truly am, not who I'm pretending

to be, not who I'm flossing. It takes courage to look in the mirror and

be like this. You know you're crazy, right? You know what I'm saying? Right?

So I end up moving in with my brother. It took three and a half

years for me to get my brain. I mean, when I say it took

a year, I slept for a year

because I didn't realize how much damage I had done to myself mentally

by chasing the achievements and the validation of other people and lost it for

myself. So I created this situation. It wasn't them.

And that's a whole series of events that happened before I left, but it was

me. Yeah. So, yeah, so,

I'm in my brother's house, no money. Yeah. I used to be bougie. I was

a six figure, right? Like, I'm Christy Rutherford. I'm the great Christian Rutherford officer. I

had no money for three and a half years. Like, if you launched a book

on Amazon for 99 cent, I would try to get it to support you. Amazon

would be like this. Yeah, you ain't got that. It was bad. It

was no money, but the business. And I launched a

business. I'm working 16 hours a day, like, to get out of my brother's house,

because I have all these ideas, and it's great. But my job during that

time was to heal. So I can be a beacon of light to women,

to be like, I know where you are. I know what crazy looks like.

I look to her in the mirror every day. I know what you about

to burn out sounds like, because I burned out. I know

what you being on the ledge. I tell women, you know, you about two weeks

from a stroke. Cause I'm lucky I didn't die.

Does that make sense? Like, I'll tell women, you know, you about. You got about

a month, or you have a nervous breakdown, something's gonna happen to you in three

weeks. I don't know what it is. And because I can hear the alarm ringing

and I can feel the energy because I did it. So I would say,

financially, that was the worst. Gotcha.

You. You take on

the burden. Like, your job is for people to come with their

problems. You listen to them, you bear them,

and you help, which I would imagine is,

one, somewhat destructive to you, and

two can maybe get heavy.

No. So it's two parts. Right.

One is my mission. I do work with some energy

healers, keep energy clean. But when I

listen, like, some people absorb the

problems of other people, I'm gathering data to try to

figure out. So my career. I was a pollution incident

responder. The person who managed to. People go out. So if

a ship runs into a bridge and then

oil starts coming out, which happens all the time, oil starts coming out. People

are on the beach trying

to save the ducks. Other people are worried about the water. Other people are worried

about the marshlands. We're trying to figure out what's the source of the

oil. One of the jobs that I had was when the ship

hit the bridge. I now have to take all the details out. Where is

it? Right? What is the capacity for it? Where were y'all

going? Who's on board? What are the, you know, the

environmentally sensitive areas? Do you have ducks in the land? What are the beaches under

nearby? So I would take 100 details

all out. Then I have to bring it down into a

collapsible picture. Now I have to create a three minute brief to now call my

bosses and say, hey, this. This is the scenario in a three

minute snapshot. Oh, wow. So when I listen to women talk about their lives, I'm

doing the same thing. I'm listening to 100 details about your childhood. Okay? Your dad

did this. Your mama said this, that, hey, mama said this. Does that make sense?

And then this happened. Okay? Then this happened in your job. So all I'm doing

is I'm taking all that information, and I'm collapsing it.

And then a three minute snapshot. And now I'm gonna read it back to you

and be like, this. Is this your problem? And they'd be like, my God,

I didn't know I was doing that. And I'd be like, but now do you

wanna fix it? Because the money is on the other side of this. Yeah.

So it doesn't get heavy. It doesn't.

And I said. Cause I coached, man. And I did one on one,

coach. And people bring you all their problems, and then you leave the

call thinking like, goodness gracious, this is.

You start, you keep thinking about them and the person. Obviously, you wanna help them,

but it's like, it doesn't get heavy sometimes. I would say it used

to,

but I have coaches, too. Gotcha. So I have a team. So I've

scaled, but we also do some energy work. But I don't

carry their burdens. I'm trying

to solve the problem. I'm not just listening to absorb,

I'm taking all the data, and then I'm gonna be like, is this

it? Yeah. And a lot of the women that I work with,

they wanna change. Some people don't wanna change. You know,

some people don't wanna be greater. Some women don't wanna be

better than where they are right now. Those are not my clients. So,

when you. I work with high team and women, one, because

I love it. Two, because once you. You turn that

light bulb on, oh, it's game over. They have invisible

barriers that are holding them back. They have invisible walls that they keep running

into. Once you illuminate the wall. They've already proven that they're gonna run through walls.

If you just show them what it is. They just don't know what's holding them

back. They don't know that they're disappearing in the room. They don't know that, you

know, they're getting triggered and they're getting asked with people because somebody questioned their

intellect, because it was done back in the day. Once you

saw, once you show them that, they'll take action. Wow.

80% of them do. One more question I have to ask. First off, let me

do a commercial real quick because I gotta pay some bills. I'm gonna come back,

ask a question, then you're gonna close us out with something strong. Okay. All right,

cool. So this episode is sponsored by themorning meetup. Themorning meetup.com, comma, the only

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are without community for the most part. And what we do

is we provide community. You will jump on a Zoom call every day

with hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of entrepreneurs. Am I

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So, yes, go to themorning meetup.com and join our community and send me

a text message. 404-737-4935

404-737-4935

send me a text message. I'd love to talk to you.

Last question. Where do you see yourself in the next

five years? Because I want to be able to look at this video five

years from today and say, Christy told me that five years ago she'd be doing

this. And look, she's doing it. Yeah,

I mean, I know what it is. Talk to me. I don't know if y'all

ready. We ready? So global

stages, right? Stadiums, talking to women. Sort

of like what, you know, Joyce Meyer can be in an

arena with 80,000 women talking about what she

does. So, you know, doing that,

having 20 coaches on my team, I actually wrote the five year vision

now. So my goal is to build

a school in my hometown because there's only way I can guarantee my family makes

it out. I have to own a school so they're not talked to sideways.

I want to own three in my town and then the neighboring

cities, an international learning and development center

where kids can go to college online. They'll have guidance counselors

there, and then they'll be able to learn how to

code forex, trade, work

on the solar panels if you want to do some

welding or whatever. So I want to own three of those.

That's my goal, to get rich, and then I want to build 20

in the next 20 years. That's dope, right?

But we've, instead of doing, my goal is to do

$1 billion in raises for 10,000

women by 2025. But my real

goal is, okay, my women actually got $2

billion in raises. So that's a part of the vision statement that

I write down. 20

coaches, we coach all these women. We make all this money.

I write a $20 million check to South Carolina state, $20

million check to the Napoleon Hill foundation, and a $20 million check to the I

believe foundation. David M. Eta. So, yeah. So

the goal is to be able to do the work that I love, be passionate

about. I have a jet. I have four houses,

eight cars. Come on. A tv show. Yes, sir.

I love it lit. Okay. Five years. The

clock has started. So five years. Yeah. 2026.

That's by 2026. I wrote that last year.

Done. It's done. Scale of one to five.

Five. I 100% believe it. Number one.

It could happen. No, it's a five all day. I can see

it. I love that. I love that for you.

Listen, man, make sure you follow Christy Rutherford, okay? Whatever.

Instagram. Well, first off, I want to say thank you, because

I think there's a lot of women that got set free today.

You know, it's been an hour that went by fast,

and, like, just. And I'm just so engulfed in how

do me. Obviously, you were talking more women,

but, like, I'm like, yo, there are some things that are keeping me from the

next level, not because the next level isn't there, not

because I don't have the ability to get there, but there are some

things about my character, there's some things

about my mindset and my lifestyle that needs

change for me to get there. We're rolling out a men's program as well. Okay.

Well, I mean, so the men. That's the evolution of the program. I had to

get this one solid first, but we're rolling out a men's program

as well. And then I do work with small business owners, so I got one

of my clients $125,000 in

six weeks. Right. In her small business. You know what you're doing,

huh? I love it, Chris. Thank you so much, man.

Please let everybody know how to find you, how they can work with you, and

just close us out with a word of wisdom. Yep. You can get my free

case study@changenowithchristy.com. Or you can

text meetup, or you want to do the David Shands

between social proof. Social proof. You can text social proof

to 66866, and then you can get my free case

study. I also have a private community. Total fulfillment with Christy

tfwchristy.com.

Yeah. And then close us out with a word. Take us home, put a whole

bowl in this conversation. You know, I always tell women, you know, you don't have

to look for love. You are love. You don't have to look for peace. You

are peace. You don't have to look for joy. You are

joy. You don't have to look for happiness or wholeness. You already

have these things. The goal is just to figure out,

where did you leave them? How did you forget? Because once you

remember who you are, once you remember that

you're a queen and you put your crown back on, you'll be

a queen bee and stop being a worker. Be so you can live the life

that you truly desire. There it is. Can't close out. No, better than

that. Listen, follow Christie right now. Okay? Then go

to her website. It'll probably be some links below low. You can click

and rock with her. Okay. And go get you some social proof. Okay? Go build

something. But then come back to your community and teach them how you did it.

All right, we are out of here. Peace.