Welcome to Love Notes from Rhonda.

And this song keeps going through my head.

If you're ever in a mess, S.O.S.

and you know, I know Lucille Ball, when she had her show many, many years ago, she and her best friend Vivian sang that song to each other.

If you're ever in a mess, SOS if you're ever in a mess, SOS I want you to decide today.

If you were in a mess, who would you.

Sos this is one of the things I had so much trouble with.

Just not too many years ago.

When I hit the dark night of the soul.

For me, one of the things that I had to face, one of the things that I had to practice, one of the things I had to embrace was asking for help.

You know, I grew up in a family where asking for help or even admitting you need help was like you were dumb, right?

You had to be self sufficient.

You couldn't even rely on each other in the family.

You couldn't even rely on each other, right?

So when my parents died, no family members stepped up, no family members came to help us, because again, you're on your own, buddy.

And that's how I was raised.

That's how I was taught.

Those are the models I received.

You're on your own.

And I'm sure they thought it was about resilience.

They thought it was creating independence.

You know, they probably all did it for good reasons in their minds.

But this is generational.

And now the generations that have come, my generation and the generations after me are starting to recognize the psychological damage that that has done.

And being unable to ask simple questions of the people around me in my life, my mother, my father, anybody, my teachers.

I would work problems backwards in math class because God forbid I admitted I didn't know how to work a problem.

I did this throughout high school and college.

I never ever asked a question because again, only dumb people do that.

That's what I was taught.

Even though I had plenty of questions that I wanted answered.

So you can see, maybe see how that would isolate me and that would keep me in my own thinking, right?

It would keep me in my own bubble.

I couldn't expand, I couldn't grow, I couldn't shift because I was stuck in my same bubble with the knowledge I had.

I only had that knowledge.

I couldn't ask for help.

Now the Internet has definitely helped that, right?

We now can go to the Internet and ask.

We can go to YouTube and ask.

And somebody made a video about it, which is awesome on so many levels, yet we do we do, as human beings, need each other?

It's our number one core need.

So when I hit my dark night a few years ago, I needed help.

I needed help, and I asked people because I basically lived, traveled around the country.

I put all my stuff in storage and traveled around the country for a year and a half, almost three years.

And I would go from house to house.

I would go to my friend Marta's house and sleep in her office.

I would go to my friend Faye's house and sleep in her guest room.

I would go to my sister Linda's house and sleep in her guest room.

I would just go to different places.

I would stay at hotels sometimes in between those trips, when I'd speak at events, et cetera.

But when I was going through the dark night, I also couldn't be alone.

I was emotionally fragile, and I knew it was dangerous for me to be alone.

I didn't trust myself.

So I had to ask for help.

It was one of the most petrifying things that I've ever faced.

But I also knew that I would die if I didn't.

Literally, I would die if I didn't.

So I had to accept help.

I had to ask.

I had to accept.

I had to receive it, not be like, oh, I'm so.

Thank you.

Thank you for helping me.

I'm so sorry.

No, I didn't do any of that.

I didn't do any of that.

I asked and I received.

So I share that story with you because asking for help is critical for not only you reaching your full potential, but also for you to feel connected to this world, not just physically, but emotionally.

So during the dark night, the thing that people say, well, what did you gain from the dark night?

Well, I gained many, many things.

But I always give this example about the dark night.

This kind of sums it up for me.

Before the dark night, if you would have come to my house, knocked on my door, I would have looked at you and said, did we have an appointment?

What are you doing here?

I'm busy.

Right.

I was run by the clock.

I had jobs to do, things to do.

And if you stopped at my house without an appointment, I was confused.

Now, if you stop at my house, my friends and family stop at my house.

I will stop whatever I'm doing and say, please come in.

I can't wait to talk to you.

Would you like a cup of tea?

Update me.

Relationships and connections are first, because I finally learned and had the courage when I was very desperate to ask for help.

And I chose who to ask for help from.

And I humbly received it.

And they said yes, right?

I did this at places when I was speaking at an event, and I asked the people that ran the event if I could stay in the hotel another three days, Right?

Like, so I had to ask for lots of things, lots of help.

When I spoke at events, I couldn't be alone, so I asked people to come with me.

I.

In the olden days, you know, like, before the dark night, I would have said that would inconvenience them.

And, like, what's up?

That's such a problem.

Why.

Why can't you go by yourself?

Rhonda, get it together.

Go by your.

But this time, I was like, no, I can't be alone.

I don't want to be alone.

I'm worried if I'm alone.

So now, if you're ever in a mess, SOS I actually.

For the first time in my life, the Dark Knight gave me the gift of knowing that I actually have people in my life that I could go to.

That would be my SOS that would answer that.

SOS it's humbling, it's honoring, it's freeing, and it's so, so filled with love.

If you're ever in a mess, SOS who could you call?

Who are you willing to practice calling?

And maybe it's time for you to ask for more help.

Until the next time, be fearless.

I love you.