Your body remembers every experience, even if your brain has forgotten every dismissal, every criticism, Every moment when you needed comfort and didn't receive it, your body remembers all of it and it's been trying to tell you something important. Welcome to the Mother-Daughter Relationship. Show the podcast for mothers and daughters who want to build stronger bonds, deepen their understanding and transform their relationships. I'm your host, Brittany Scott, licensed therapist and mother-daughter relationship coach. After years of working with hundreds of daughters. And mothers. I've developed strategies that help break generational patterns, heal wounds, and create the loving relationships you've always wanted. Each week I'll be sharing insights from real clients, expert interviews and practical tools you can use immediately to improve your mother-daughter dynamic. Whether you're struggling with communication breakdowns, navigating major life transitions, or simply wanna take your already good relationship to the next level. The show is for you. And yes, the transformation I guide my clients through can be yours too. I'll share more about how you can work with me. It's time to experience the relationship you both deserve. Are you ready? Let's dive in. Welcome back to the show. It's your host, Brittany. Today we're talking about how trauma shows up physically in your body. This isn't an all in your head kind of thing. The connection between emotional trauma and physical symptoms is very real. You know that tightness in your chest when you're around certain people, the knot in your stomach when you have to set a boundary or the nausea in your stomach, The exhaustion that sleep just doesn't seem to fix. Your body is giving you information about what feels safe and what doesn't, what you've healed and what still might need some more attention. Think about tightness in your hips, having low energy, even though you're sleeping and eating as well as you can, and becoming easily irritated at things that it's like, why does this make me so mad? And it seems like you have no control over. Is any of this resonating. We are going to explore how chronic stress in childhood impacts your physical health, how your nervous system learned to stay on high alert with high cortisol levels, and most importantly, what you can do to help your body feel safe again. Yeah, because healing isn't just mental or emotional. Healing is very physical too. Your body needs to learn that it's safe now that the threats from childhood are over and that it can finally relax and trust your new environment. It can trust that you are safe. And what was is no longer what is so when you're a child living in emotional stress. Criticism or unpredictability, your nervous system goes into survival mode. It's constantly scanning for danger. It's ready to, you know, fight, flee, or freeze at any moment. This is your body's way of protecting you. It's basically staying on guard at all time. When your stress response is activated repeatedly over months and years, it becomes your body's default setting. Your nervous system gets stuck in this high alert, this ready to go. You know this position of I'm ready for anything. And even when there's no actual danger, if you're not actually working to get your body to go back to a relaxed state, it will stay in this, I'm ready to fight state this chronic activation affects every system in your body. Your muscles stay tense. You're constantly ready for action. Your digestive system slows down because your body thinks it needs to conserve energy for maybe escaping danger, that that flee, that wanting to run away. Your immune system becomes compromised because fighting infections isn't a priority. When you're in survival mode. Your body literally rewires itself around trauma. Neural pathways get strengthened that prioritize threat detection over rest and healing. Your body becomes incredibly efficient at spotting danger, but it forgets how to relax. so what are some early warning? Your body is an early warning system. It often is responding and trying to alert you that something is wrong well before your brain has caught up. So I want you to understand your body knows something is wrong. Well before your brain catches up. So please remember that we have to learn to listen to our bodies. That tightness in your chest, your stomach doing flip flops, feeling lightheaded, okay? Don't think of these as random symptoms. That's your body's early warning system. It's trying to let you know, okay, something's wrong, and maybe your brain's gonna catch up later, but I've already figured it out. When you walk into a room and suddenly feel tense when you're having a conversation and your stomach starts churn, when you're around certain people and you feel spacey or disconnected, your body is giving you information. Pay attention to what situations or experiences cause your body to react. Try to find patterns and your body's response. This information is like gold because it tells a story of what's causing stress or triggering old wounds. Your body is trying to protect you by letting you know when something doesn't feel safe, even if you can't immediately identify what that something is. Let's walk through some of the ways mother wounds calmly show up in your body because recognizing those patterns can help you understand what you're experiencing and can help guide your path to healing your wounds and the woman that you wanna be. Headaches and jaw tension are incredibly common. especially if you learn to hold back your words or bite your tongue around your mother. That tension has to go somewhere and often it gets stored in your head, neck and jaw. Digestive issues like IBS, stomach pain or chronic nausea often develop when you've spent years walking on eggshells. Never knowing what mood your mother would be in or how she'd react to your needs. Sleep disturbances and chronic fatigue makes sense. When your nervous system has been on high alert for years. Your body's exhausted from constantly scanning for threats, but it's also too activated to get deep restorative sleep that you so desperately need. Autoimmune conditions can develop. When chronic stress overwhelms your immune system, your body starts attacking itself because it's been in fight mode for so long. And chronic pain without clear medical causes often has emotional roots. Your body holds emotions that weren't safe to express, and over time that emotional pain can become physical pain. So what does it look like for your nervous system to be dysregulated? Anxiety and panic attacks are your nervous system's way of responding to perceived threats, even when you're actually safe. Your body learned to react this way as protection, but now it's react in to situations that aren't actually dangerous anymore. Hyper vigilance means always scanning for danger, always watching other people's moods. Always trying to predict what might happen next. This is exhausting for your nervous system and your body feeling wired but tired. That combination of being mentally activated but physically exhausted is a classic sign of nervous system dysregulation. Startling, easily happens when your nervous system is always on edge, always ready for something bad to happen. This can also look like being. Easily irritated or irritable in times where it doesn't really, you don't really need to be. So finding yourself, getting snappy or easily frustrated with friends. Finding yourself always kind of like having a quick comeback or having like snarky remarks to even like random strangers just being irritable in situations and not being able to explain why you feel that way. another way trauma can manifest in the body is you being disconnected from body signals. You might find it difficult to know when you're hungry or full, when you're tired or energized, or maybe when you need to use the bathroom or when you're getting sick. You may have very late signals to these kind of very natural or normal things that should, that are happening on a daily basis. You may not recognize until like the last minute. When you spend your childhood focused on your mother's needs or emotions instead of your own, you can lose touch with your body signals. Emotional eating patterns often develop as a way to cope with feelings that weren't safe to express. Food becomes comfort, control, or numbness when emotional support wasn't available to you. Now that you understand how trauma lives in the body. Let's talk about how to work with your body's wisdom instead of against it. Being aware of your body is going to be one of the first things that you practice. Start paying attention to what triggers your body's stress responses. When does your chest get tight? What situations make your stomach turn or make you feel nauseous or makes your stomach hurt? When do you feel spacey or disconnected? Like you can't focus or like you are on high alert or for some reason every time you enter into this room or this experience or situation, it feels like you are hypervigilant or super alert and you don't know why. Okay? Get a journal, maybe something small that you can keep with you, or starting in the notes app in your phone. So have somewhere to be able to write these things down. Know what's happening in your environment. When you notice physical reactions, you might start to see patterns. Maybe it's certain people situations, or maybe even the time of day that consistently trigger your body. This isn't about judging your body's responses or trying to stop them immediately. It's about gathering information so you can better understand what your body is trying to tell you. And that way you can notice your triggers quicker and be more aware of when they will happen, start to get ahead of them. Once you're aware and you know when your body's going to respond or maybe how it's going to respond, then it's important to recognize when your body feels safe and calm. What does relaxation actually feel like in your body? When do you breathe deeply without thinking about it? When do your shoulders naturally drop away from your ears? Maybe it's when you're around certain people or when you finally make it home and you're no longer out in the world. So maybe it's certain places, a best friend's house, for example, or activities that help your body settle. This information is just as valuable as knowing your triggers because it shows you what your nervous system needs to feel safe. It shows you where you feel safe, who you feel safe around, or what you feel safe doing. So knowing when your body's gonna be on high alert and knowing when your body's going to be calm and safe are both very important to be able to start healing and putting yourself in situations and in rooms and around people that are going to help your healing journey and not derail it. And then it's gonna be very important to honor your body's needs. Your body has been working so hard to protect you. It deserves appreciation and not criticism. It probably spent most of your life being criticized. Instead of being frustrated with physical symptoms, try approaching them with curiosity and compassion. when your body gives you a stress signal, pause and ask. What are you trying to tell me? What do you need right now? Sometimes the answer is rest. Sometimes it's movement. Sometimes it's getting away from a situation that doesn't feel safe. Sometimes it's like, Hey, I've had enough for today. I'm going home. Only. You can really answer that question, but you won't be able to answer that question if you're not in tune and aware and paying attention to what your body is trying to say. Okay, I'm gonna switch a little bit. I wanna give you some practical tools for helping your nervous system learn that it's safe and that it can relax. Some of these are super simple. They're like entry things that everybody can do, um, and you probably already are doing. But of course, breathing techniques, grounding techniques. Movement and release, and then building safety. So breathing techniques don't really have to explain. Most people get this like, I feel like this is beaten into everybody. When you first start a healing journey or just first, maybe even start therapy is breathing or breath work. I feel like this one is everywhere. So what I want to tell you. Because I'm not gonna take you through a breathing exercise. I feel like that's very basic. But what I want you to focus on, if you are practicing, breathing, or doing any kind of breath work I want you to practice breathing deep into your diaphragm and not shallow into your chest. So you would put one hand on your chest and one hand on your stomach. And when you're breathing in deep, go slow. Take your time. But what I want you to practice is feeling your stomach move up and down and your chest remaining steady. So when we're doing more shallow breathing, then our chest is rising and falling, and that's effective sometimes. But when you're in a heightened state, you're going to get a much better response if you can breathe deep into the diaphragm, so then your belly is moving up and down. Okay? So when you're thinking about breathing or trying to calm your body down, I want you to focus on that. You can do box breathing or triangle breathing, or whatever version of breathing you enjoy. but what I want you to focus on is breathing deep into your belly, into the diaphragm. And then when you focus on that, it slows you down. You know, when you focus on like breathe for four, hold for four, breathe for four, hold for four. Like that may not be exactly what your body needs. That may not be a pace that you need in the moment, but if you can focus on just breathing in deeply and slowing down that heart rate, you're gonna go at a pace that your body needs in that moment grounding techniques. Again, very basic, very entry level. Everybody can do this. Okay, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Notice five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, yada yada. I think you've heard this, so I'm not gonna go through that whole thing again. Yeah, but grounding techniques can also be very as, as very basic as touching grass. Like I know this is said on social media and sometimes it's a joke, you know, go touch grass, please like get offline and go get in nature. But there's a reason people say that, and it's because it's effective. Like take off your socks and shoes and actually put your feet in grass. Okay? That's another grounding technique that doesn't have to do with the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 method. Another grounding technique that I think is very effective is to focus on self-soothing mechanisms that are already in our bodies, um, and things that we are born with and things that are effective for every person. So. Example would be the sucking mechanism. Every baby is born knowing how to suck because that's how you get food. You have to suck from a bottle in order to get food out. So one thing you can do when you are feeling heightened or you're feeling hypervigilant maybe, and your nervous system does not feel calm or safe, is to drink from a straw. Instead of an open cup that doesn't really activate the sucking reflex drink from something that's gonna activate the sucking reflex, a straw, a spout, something like that. another thing that you can do that, I've done with kids is pretend that you're putting a mustache on your face. So take your finger, put it on your top lip, and apply pressure, and that will help your body to calm down. sometimes I like those grounding techniques better than 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. But anyways, you get my point. So let's move on to movement and release. gentle movement helps your body to process stored stress and trauma. this doesn't have to be intense exercise. Going for a walk outside, especially when the sun is shining, and that sun can also shine down on your skin stretching. If you just go to the living room, turn on a free stretching YouTube video and follow it gold. Dancing to music that you love. Even just standing up and shaking out your hands and feet or getting a good stretch, like arms all the way up over your head pull them back behind your ears, stretch your back. Like anything like that, that's going to help. Release tension is very good one that I talk about often because I think it is highly effective and so I'm just gonna mention it. Progressive muscle relaxation. That one you can do once you learn it, you can do it at any time, and it is very effective. And the last one, building safety. Create environments that feel safe to your nervous system. This might mean soft lighting, removing harsh, bright lights from your home, comfortable textures, soothing music. Pleasant sense, things that make you feel safe and make you feel calm and serene and make you feel good. Okay, your home is yours, and it doesn't have to look like a showroom. Your nervous system responds to sensory input. So creating calming environments helps to signal safety. Make sure your bedroom feels like it's a place that. You walk into and immediately know that you're safe. Your body can immediately like exhale or deep sigh, and you know you've entered somewhere that was designed and created for you to feel good. So as you focus on building a new relationship with your body, I want you to remember that healing the physical impact of mother wounds requires developing a new relationship with your body. Okay, and one that's based on trust, respect, and collaboration. Rather than criticism and control, treat your body with kindness. Treat your body with the same kindness you would show a friend who's been through something difficult. This means nourishing yourself well, eating good foods, getting adequate rest. Moving in ways that feel good and actually going to the doctor when you need to go to the doctor. Not putting it off because you know it's not important right now. Your body isn't the enemy. It's been your ally all along, working so hard to keep you safe and alive through difficult circumstances. You gotta have patience with this process. Healing happens in layers and on your body's timeline, not your brain's timeline. Some days you'll feel more regulated and peaceful. Other days, old patterns will resurface with a vengeance. Both are normal parts of the healing process. Your nervous system spent years learning how to be hypervigilant. That is where everything got programmed when you were a child. So remember that it's gonna take time to learn new patterns of safety and. Calmness and how to actually calm down. So be patient with this process and let it happen and let it play out as slow or sometimes as fast as it needs to if you're finally focusing on it. But let the process be the process. No one's timeline is correct. Your body knows the timeline and as long as you're doing the work and moving yourself through, you will see progress. If you're dealing with significant physical symptoms or feeling overwhelmed by this in any way, please find professional support. You don't have to do this alone. Hey, this can be working with a therapist who understands trauma, seeing your doctor more and one who takes the mind body connection seriously. Okay. Or other body workers who specialize in trauma recovery, like a good massage therapist that specializes in trauma can be so good to help release trauma from your body because they know the parts of your body that would hold trauma even. That can be so healing. And you know, just as a reminder that I work with women individually to help them understand how their mother wounds show up in their bodies and develop. A strategy for your nervous system and how to heal it. Nothing is one size fits all when it comes to trauma and healing and therapy. Everything is individualized because nobody's story is the same. No two trauma responses are the same. So sometimes having guidance through this process and having people that can help you is what's gonna make all the difference and gonna make this feel way less overwhelming. as we close today's episode, I want you to remember that every time you respond to your body signals with kindness, you're going to see. More effective healing. If you're frustrated with yourself criticizing how fast or how slow this is going, or just being mad that you're even in this place, you're going to slow down healing. Your body wants to feel safe, it wants to be calm, it wants to rest and move freely, and so you have to trust that it can get back there because that's what it wants anyway. It just needs you to help it to. Allow that to happen. You have to remind it that it's safe and that it has permission to finally relax and stop doing the hard thing of keeping you safe because you are safe. Okay? Remind your body that you are safe now, and if you're listening to this, then you happen to not actually be safe. That's your first step. You have to put yourself in a position to be able to heal, and you cannot heal in the same experiences that cause the trauma. It's just not going to work. You know, if the trauma is your mother's home, you have to get out of it. it can be something. as simple as that, and I say simple, depending on your circumstances, that may not actually be very simple at all. And so your healing will have to look different because you're still in the place that's either caused the trauma or is continuing to keep the trauma up. But. Thank you for being here, listening to another episode. I hope any of this resonated with you or you're walking away with a new tip, maybe something you hadn't heard yet, and I will catch you in the next one. That's all for today's episode of the Mother-Daughter Relationship Show. Thanks so much for spending this time with me. I hope you picked up some valuable insights that you can start using right away in your own relationship to create deeper connection and understanding. If something from today's episode resonated with you, don't keep it to yourself. Share it with the mother or daughter in your life who needs to hear this message. And while you're at it, please consider leaving a rating. And review so we can reach more families and transform the way mothers and daughters relate to each other. For those ready to take the next step, you can visit my website to learn more about my private coaching programs and my program designed specifically for mother-daughter pairs. Whether you're dealing with communication challenges, life transitions, or just wanna strengthen an already good relationship, I'm here to help. Thank you so much for listening. I'll see you in the next one.