Foreign welcome to another episode of the More Yourself podcast series.

It's here on the ADHD Women's well Being podcast feed.

And I'm just trialing a solo style on a Monday.

So thank you for being here, thank you for listening.

And what we're going to do in these episodes is just some gentle solo coaching from me and questioning and just having a moment where we can dig a little bit deeper and discover where we are, what we're processing, what still needs healing and how we can become intentionally more authentic, drop that mask and be more truthful in our day to day life, however that looks.

And last episode I talked about creating more awareness, creating space to calm and regulate our nervous system so we can be more aware of where we want to change and how we want to move forwards and how we want to respond and giving us that empowerment so we can choose differently, we can choose to show up differently.

And when we do that, we're able to feel like we are not the control has been taken away from us, that we are able to make choices that feel more aligned to us.

And I wanted to maybe start from a conversation about our nervous system.

And I wrote about the nervous system in my book.

I gave a whole chapter to it because I wanted to really shine a light on living with a dysregulated nervous system.

I wrote the chapter of this book because I always acknowledged that I had a nervous system that I felt was always activated, that was always heightened, that was always hyper vigilant, that was always worrying, that was so prone to anxiety.

And what I've written in the first page of the nervous system chapter that if you're reading this book, especially as a later identified ADHD woman, the chances are that the experience of living with a dysregulated nervous system will be nothing new, even if you haven't been consciously aware of it.

So it is time to address that, take back control of our overwhelmed brains and exhausted bodies and to heal.

And I'm going to say that with an acknowledgement to how many of us have experienced or do experience cycles of burnout, because I don't think I've spoken to one ADHD woman.

Maybe man, you know, people who don't see this depletion, exhaustion, burnout cycle throughout their lives in different capacities.

So I want to address this because it's really hard to feel safe and it's really hard to be in a place where we're able to make choices that do feel aligned and authentic when we're operating from a very hyper vigilant nervous system.

And when we're in chronic stress, it's not biologically possible.

We're in fight or flight mode.

So we are kind of in emergency mode.

We're literally thinking about survival.

We're not thinking about thriving.

So if you're looking back and maybe acknowledging and recognizing your life in different points, there may have been times where you were in thriving mode, but there may have been many, many times where you were more in that survival, fight or flight, hyper vigilant mode, where making decisions that are based on what feels safe or what feels like something that you are able to drop a mask at, you know, over or relinquish your guard or pull back like a wall, has just never felt like something you can do.

And I think that we have always probably had these very sensitive nervous systems where things in our life, stresses in our life, people, situations, again, being undiagnosed, you know, neurodivergent, have contributed to feeling constantly on guard.

But what I want to be able to invite you to start exploring is how can we start grounding and regulating and choosing these moments, these pockets, these small pockets of going inwards for self trust, going inwards where we can recognize our own needs and our own desires and what feels good to us without having to constantly people please or put ourself out there for other people and other situations where that mask comes up straight away.

So this is an opportunity maybe for you to now just have a little think about when this does happen.

Where are you, who are you with?

Understand the cause, understand those triggers.

It's really important that we understand where it comes from as well.

Because if we have lived with a heightened stress response, a nervous system that is constantly on guard, there's a very high chance that this is showing up in our bodies as well.

This is, this stress response is causing inflammation.

You know, we've got cortisol coming through our bodies that is impacting our health, that's impacting our mental health.

So it's really important when you can go back and think, when did that autoimmune condition show up?

When did that chronic fatigue show up?

What was happening in my life?

What had happened in my life when those gut problems started to show up more regularly, when my migraines became more common, whatever that is for you, go back and have a think.

You know, was it something at school?

Was it something at home?

Was there a trauma?

Was there, you know, a difficulty with friendships or a relationship or something at work?

It's so important that we have a time or we're Able to go back.

And I want you to do this from a calm place.

I want you to do that from a regulated space where you can almost tell your nervous system with a hand on one on your heart and another hand on your stomach, with your feet on the floor, and say to yourself, right here, right now, it's okay, it's safe.

It's safe for me to recognize what that was, what that moment in time was.

And many of us are not living in that situation anymore, but our nervous systems are.

And we almost want to give permission to our nervous system that it's okay, it's okay to rest, it's okay to slow down, it's okay to just be.

It's okay to operate from a place of quiet, rest, recalibration, nourishment.

Now, if you think about it, how often does someone say to you, go and have that rest.

It's safe for you to rest, it's okay to slow down.

That deadline's not important.

It's more common for everybody, you know, to be like, can you do this?

Can you say yes?

Boundaries being crossed, being put into in situations that we don't feel comfortable with, sensory overload, that is our life at the moment.

And we, I believe, as neurodivergent people have to actively choose, choose differently.

We have to actively see what's out there and make a decision, do I want that or do I want something else?

And if I want something else, what's that going to look like?

And if I want something else, what can I release right now?

Or what can I heal from right now?

What can I acknowledge right now?

The, the beginning to heal is taking some time to understand your nervous system and how it affects your health and well being.

I guess probably on a daily basis, like understanding that on a daily basis.

Is it this need to check your phone every minute of every day?

Is it that need to be on your phone in the morning and in the evening emails?

Is it that needs people, please?

Is it that fear of saying no?

Is it that lack of, you know, that the lack of trust in yourself or not putting up the boundaries that you need or should have been doing a long time ago?

And I go back to talking about chronic health conditions and physical health conditions because this is really, really pertinent in this community, in our community.

You know, I really don't know many people, many women especially, who haven't suffered with their health.

And I believe that so much of it is from living in a chronic state of stress.

Now that chronic state of stress very often is literally just living without the awareness, without the education, without the support, without the recognition, with overcompensating.

Because we've known that something, somewhere down the line is not easy for us.

We've known that something is different, that we are different, we operate in a different playing field, but we've never had the words or the language.

So I want to just give you today, just this moment, for a lot of self compassion, a lot of self forgiveness, self understanding, self recognition, gratitude for showing up and being here right now, listening to this episode and pausing so you are able to give yourself that, that love that many of us have needed.

Don't underestimate the power of showing yourself these gentle emotions.

Because what it's giving you is something much stronger and much more long lasting and much more sustainable.

Yes, it's easy to criticize, yes, it's easy to push, push, push and to see this external validation and constantly wanting to see all the achievements and all the, the stuff that we are doing and how we're helping so many people and fixing lots of people and being that person that everyone can rely on.

But actually, how are we going to come from a place where our needs, our desires, our well being, our health, our rest, our nervous system is a priority.

We can't start leaning into any real version of us if we're not able to recognize what it is that we actually need.

And sometimes I need to take myself away.

Sometimes I literally have to remove myself from my office, my house, everything, and ground myself in nature, remove everything, my phone and just come back, come back to what it is I desperately need.

And often that is quiet, often that is stepping away from work, stepping away from trying to fix and be everything for everyone and just give myself what many people aren't able to give us.

And that is a lot of love and kindness and compassion.

Because if we can't give that to ourselves, how are we meant to do that to.

For others?

But how are we meant to grow and evolve as well?

So I would say between now and next week, if there is a way, if there is a way for you to acknowledge, I guess what this operating system that you're, you operate from now, what that looks like with this dysregulated nervous system, how does that feel?

How does that feel in your body?

What typically you know, are you, are you rushing?

Are you striving for what shows up that you know isn't helpful, but you do anyway?

And then what's that version of you where you do soften and you do have those moments of self compassion and self forgiveness and self recognition.

What comes from that?

Is there self leadership and what is that self leadership telling you to do?

And if that self leadership is literally saying to you, you're on the cusp of burnout, don't let it get any further or pull back or cancel that meeting.

Take some time away.

Choose family connection time, whatever that is, allow it to sink in and trust.

Trust that you do know so many of us haven't trusted ourselves.

We've not given ourselves time to trust, We've not given ourselves space to trust.

So I really, really want to invite you to start listening within and trusting yourself, trusting what you're hearing and allow yourself to release what you know is not working any longer.

And remember that this is all very new, that you're going to feel times where this just feels crazy.

You're gonna second guess yourself.

You're not going to think that this is not a productive thing that you're doing, that you should be doing more, that there's going to be part of you that is saying to you no, this is crazy.

Like we need to be pushing, I need to be working more or I need to be doing more.

But when that comes up, allow it to be.

Try not to judge it, See it for what it is.

Send yourself some love and that compassion and then let it go.

Kind of like a cloud in the sky thoughts are these clouds that they're here and it's okay that they're here but they just move along.

So I'm sending love and I will see you for Thursday's episode.

And don't forget if you enjoy this these sort of more coaching style solo episodes, don't forget that we've got the more yourself space.

It's open and it's going to stay open.

The founding members price goes up from the end of September so we're going to kick off properly in October.

But if you want to get that original pricing, I know that that cutoff point is towards the end of September.

So if you are listening to this, make sure your name is on the wait list because everyone who is on the wait list which will finish at the end of September will get that founders members price and then it'll just be open doors in October but the price will go up.

So I hope that you'll join me.

I hope that you want to connect other like minded people and have a space where we can explore more of these kind of conversations with other guests, with mentorship, with other kind of practices and prompts from me.

So I really, really hope that you'll join me there, and I will see you next week.

Take.