Welcome to the Peak Revival Podcast.
Speaker:My name is Ner.
Speaker:Today we are having a special episode where it's behind the scenes of me and
Speaker:my work, and I'm being interviewed by my lovely co-host, Melissa, who is on my
Speaker:team, who is the head coach on my team.
Speaker:So welcome Melissa.
Speaker:you so much for having me.
Speaker:I'm very interested to get to know you a little bit better, and I'm sure
Speaker:all of your listeners are as well.
Speaker:Dig deep for the questions.
Speaker:All right.
Speaker:All of these questions have been drawn from your active
Speaker:BBB community at the moment.
Speaker:So as you mentioned, I do run the Buy buy burnout program.
Speaker:I am the head coach there, and I've reached out to all our lovely participants
Speaker:and all our lovely clients, and then we've put together a list of questions for you
Speaker:that we are all very curious to know.
Speaker:So
Speaker:let's jump in.
Speaker:Let's jump in.
Speaker:in.
Speaker:Uh, I think first and foremost, people wanna know, how did you get here?
Speaker:you have obviously a naturopathic background.
Speaker:All of your work was created from this experience.
Speaker:Um, what did those clinic days look like and how did you get here?
Speaker:Clinic days were very busy.
Speaker:So I was in clinic for about 10 years and I loved it.
Speaker:Like I was the person who went straight into clinic after she graduated.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:I was one of the very few, and it was nerve wracking, but I loved it.
Speaker:And I remember at one point for a very brief moment, I went working
Speaker:for another company actually called Nature Sunshine Company, if
Speaker:you've ever seen their supplements.
Speaker:And I worked with them and I wasn't in the clinic, so it was a full-time job.
Speaker:And I think I lasted about three months.
Speaker:And I was like, I can't do this.
Speaker:I just love to be in clinic.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:And so I quit.
Speaker:They were really unhappy with me.
Speaker:And then I went back to my sweet spot, which is being in the clinic.
Speaker:So I loved working with people, I loved helping people.
Speaker:I love this work.
Speaker:growing up, you know, we went to see the naturopath and the homeopath.
Speaker:We didn't go to see the GP much at all, my mom cooked everything.
Speaker:Everything was organic and nutrition.
Speaker:And so that was a big part of my upbringing.
Speaker:And so, when I was about 13, 14, I was like.
Speaker:You know, in school people were like, what do you wanna do when you finish?
Speaker:I said, I wanna be a naturopath.
Speaker:And people were like, oh yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker:People were already like, that makes sense.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And um, so from a young age, I knew what I wanted to do, loved being in clinic.
Speaker:And then, you know, clinic also has a lot of challenges as
Speaker:well because you're very busy.
Speaker:Well, I was, anyway, it was like back to back six days a week and there's,
Speaker:you know, a business to run as well.
Speaker:So it's not just the naturopathic side.
Speaker:There is a business side as well, which I think that when you graduate,
Speaker:you don't know the business side.
Speaker:You are just well trained to be a naturopath.
Speaker:You do so many clinic hours and you're just immersed in this stuff,
Speaker:but not the business side of things.
Speaker:And I didn't.
Speaker:Love the business side of things.
Speaker:I liked it, but I didn't love it.
Speaker:And as a bus, you know, the clinic was very busy and I just got to this
Speaker:0.1 day where I was, you know, it consumed a lot of my life, right?
Speaker:I was, you know, thinking about work, I was thinking about my
Speaker:patients, on after work and time off.
Speaker:And I always looked a bit, I always looked stressed, right?
Speaker:And obviously I'd hit burnout.
Speaker:and I remember having this moment in the clinic one day.
Speaker:I was standing in my dispensary.
Speaker:I was in between patients and I just stood there and there was all
Speaker:this, you know, people from the next door shop were coming in talking.
Speaker:And the other guy that I, you know, the acupuncturist that I was working with,
Speaker:he was talking, I was just had this moment, you know, it was like a flash.
Speaker:And I went, five years from now, my life is going to be exactly the same.
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:I was like, I can't do this
Speaker:anymore.
Speaker:I actually can't do this anymore, even though I loved
Speaker:it, but I just couldn't do it.
Speaker:I knew I just couldn't do it anymore.
Speaker:And it was in that moment that I went, you know what?
Speaker:I am going to leave the practice.
Speaker:And everyone, like, I have to say, everyone was against me on that decision.
Speaker:Like everyone close to me was like, you're crazy.
Speaker:Like this is such a great practice, you know, such a great business.
Speaker:And I was like, yeah, but I just wanna do things differently.
Speaker:I wanted, I wanted a break first, and then I wanted to do
Speaker:things differently and bigger.
Speaker:And so when I finished up in practice, I remember it being a really hard,
Speaker:you know, hard to leave, right?
Speaker:Because, you know, I had so many patients, right?
Speaker:Over the years I had, I had so built up such a relationship with my clients
Speaker:that, people were crying like I was crying, you know, I was crying.
Speaker:People were crying.
Speaker:It was really hard.
Speaker:Anyway, it was a hard moment.
Speaker:And, um, and I remember when I had a break and I was like, I don't
Speaker:think I'll ever go back to business.
Speaker:I was like, I don't wanna do business anymore.
Speaker:It's too hard.
Speaker:It's too, oh, it's consuming right.
Speaker:But I didn't know then what I know now.
Speaker:Like I don't find it like that Now.
Speaker:I definitely, if I knew then what I know now, I'd probably, I may
Speaker:still be in practice, but I do much prefer what I'm doing now.
Speaker:but if I understood, yeah, like the things that I understand now, it would've
Speaker:been an easier process for me or an easier journey to, to run the clinic and
Speaker:the business being as busy as it was.
Speaker:And so the days in clinic We are busy.
Speaker:Lots of, lots of clinical experience, you know, seeing lots of different things
Speaker:and helping people in all sorts of ways.
Speaker:And the way I specialized in burnout was I went through burnout.
Speaker:And the other thing that I saw in my practice was everyone had some element of
Speaker:stress that was really holding them back.
Speaker:And at the time I didn't know how to help them.
Speaker:Like, I would sit there and I'd ask them what else is going on?
Speaker:Like, and they'd be like, oh, you know, just family, my children, my
Speaker:partner, my, you know, finances, my health, like, whatever it is.
Speaker:And I would just listen.
Speaker:And that was the best I could do then.
Speaker:'cause I, I couldn't coach them.
Speaker:I couldn't really help them in that way.
Speaker:So I thought, but listening was a
Speaker:lot.
Speaker:was really transformative for them because no one was listening, like
Speaker:they weren't talking about it.
Speaker:We see that a lot on the calls too, where, you know, we, we, we host the
Speaker:weekly coaching calls with the Bye-bye burnout program, where women are able
Speaker:to come and discuss what's going on in their lives and get a little bit more
Speaker:in depth and personalized support.
Speaker:And on these calls, a lot of the times it is just wanting that space to be
Speaker:heard, wanting somebody to listen and somebody to put intention and care
Speaker:into what's going on in their lives.
Speaker:Because sometimes you don't have these outlets.
Speaker:Not everybody has these outlets to be able to just talk to.
Speaker:Today, I felt bloated and I felt tired, and I felt right, like just having that
Speaker:space to let it go is really powerful.
Speaker:It is really powerful.
Speaker:That's, you know, it's definitely what I've seen in my work.
Speaker:Like I think, you know, now we talk to chat GBT or whatever, do
Speaker:you know, like it's not the same because it's something about that
Speaker:relationship, you know, with the practitioner and with your patient that.
Speaker:Does a lot of the healing work.
Speaker:Like actually they proved this scientifically.
Speaker:Like they, you know, I went very much into the placebo effection,
Speaker:understanding why some people get better and some people don't.
Speaker:Because that's something that I saw in my clinic.
Speaker:You know, some people were doing all the right things and they
Speaker:weren't getting better and it's just like, that is really weird.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:and when I understood more about, you know.
Speaker:The placebo effect, how the mind influences the body to heal.
Speaker:And that all comes down to the nervous system.
Speaker:And then they did this a piece of research where one of the scientists or professors
Speaker:he, he basically told his patients in this study that they were receiving a placebo.
Speaker:Like it wasn't hidden.
Speaker:He was just like, I wanna see what happens here.
Speaker:I'm gonna tell them, here is your vial of medicine, but it's placebo.
Speaker:They're just sugar pills.
Speaker:And what he found is that his patients still got
Speaker:better.
Speaker:And what he put it down to was the relationship between the
Speaker:practitioner and the patient.
Speaker:So that being heard, that being held, that having that space, you
Speaker:know, was actually just as medicinal as anything you are going to put
Speaker:in as a supplemental medicine.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And you know, that's something that we've recreated online
Speaker:because yes, that one-on-one relationship is really powerful.
Speaker:But I noticed when I started Byebye Burnout online, actually the group is even
Speaker:more
Speaker:powerful, which I didn't think.
Speaker:Was something that was ever gonna be like that.
Speaker:I never, I never thought, I really did think that you needed the one-on-one.
Speaker:Like I was
Speaker:convinced.
Speaker:And then when I took it online and I saw the transformations, like you see it all
Speaker:the time in the group, the changes it that people, it's like, it's incredible.
Speaker:The community is super, it's really important in this healing space because
Speaker:so often, especially with online programs, people are managing these things.
Speaker:On their own and they feel like they're alone.
Speaker:And when you feel like you're alone in your healing process, you feel like
Speaker:you can never get better because there must be something wrong with me, right?
Speaker:I am.
Speaker:This is only happening to me and I'm the special case and something will go wrong
Speaker:'cause I have this, this, this, and this.
Speaker:And then you get into a community and you're like, whoa, you have that too.
Speaker:Like you feel that way too.
Speaker:And then it gives this spark of hope of.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:Like I'm not alone in this.
Speaker:And it is possible to feel, seen and feel heard and be supported
Speaker:and create new pathways for healing that rely on connection and
Speaker:relation and supporting each other.
Speaker:And that really is what the benefit of those calls is.
Speaker:And of that space is that community space.
Speaker:So yeah, I see it.
Speaker:I see it all the time that face-to-face, um, and the importance of community.
Speaker:Um, but I'm curious for you, now that you are outside of that space, now
Speaker:that you are now running these programs online, do you miss being in practice?
Speaker:I don't miss being in clinical practice like, you know, back to back appointments.
Speaker:Um, and I still obviously have private clients, but I do like
Speaker:doing things in a bigger space.
Speaker:I do love doing group calls, like I have to say, like the bigger group stuff is
Speaker:really kind of where my jam is right now.
Speaker:That really.
Speaker:That is really satisfying for me.
Speaker:and there's something about holding that space as well, which I find, like
Speaker:when you have women on the call, like, everyone's holding that space together.
Speaker:And if you don't know what I mean, like, it's kind of hard to describe what that
Speaker:means holding the space, but there's some kind of energetic shift that happens
Speaker:on those calls where kind of everyone is contributing in some way and It's
Speaker:like, yeah, you don't feel alone or you all feel kind of in the same boat.
Speaker:And there's something hopeful about that because you're all on this journey
Speaker:together and there's just, there's so much to that that a one-on-one
Speaker:interaction is not gonna give you.
Speaker:And the other thing is with the online space, is that you
Speaker:guys are in the group every
Speaker:day.
Speaker:And so they're getting responses every day.
Speaker:You don't have to wait to see me in two weeks time to get
Speaker:your question answered, right?
Speaker:You're getting answers daily, so that makes a huge difference because if you
Speaker:have a question or a concern or a doubt, and you're not sure, like that is going
Speaker:to stop you from doing or moving forward.
Speaker:I do.
Speaker:Uh, I love the online space.
Speaker:I love the group work.
Speaker:And that's something like for 2026, you know, if you heard my podcast at the end
Speaker:of 2025, I really talked about how, you know, I wanna build, you know, Esther
Speaker:Perel, you know that relationship coach?
Speaker:She was talking about building your village or your tribe.
Speaker:And I'm like, yes, that's what I wanna do for my personal life.
Speaker:Build the village, but I also wanna do that in my business.
Speaker:And that to me looks like doing more in-person stuff, like doing
Speaker:retreats, doing bigger group stuff.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I love that.
Speaker:I love that.
Speaker:That's beautiful.
Speaker:what did you find was missing in the wellness space that made
Speaker:you feel compelled to create the Bye-bye burnout program.
Speaker:Yeah, so it was definitely, I went through a lot of iterations
Speaker:because it was my own journey.
Speaker:So the nutrition and the supplements all very important.
Speaker:But I, as I mentioned, I was going through the, you know, the placebo
Speaker:effect, how, what are the other ways that people get better without any treatment?
Speaker:And so I really explored that area for many years and the work that I
Speaker:was doing with my clients was, forget about supplements and, you know,
Speaker:herbs, we are just gonna focus on mindset and your stress and, and your
Speaker:bad relationships and habits and, you know, all that kind of stuff.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:And I thought, this is, this is it, this is the key difference.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:But actually the results were really lackluster.
Speaker:They weren't that good.
Speaker:And I was like, Hmm, this is really interesting.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:So, and then I combined them.
Speaker:I went to the extreme of it's all this and then it's all this, and then combining
Speaker:them was where the magic really happened.
Speaker:That's where the, the biggest results, the fastest results, the results that
Speaker:we see in the community, it's like, wow.
Speaker:that's where that happened.
Speaker:So really understanding, yes, physiologically, you know, changing our
Speaker:nutrition and changing our biochemistry and reducing our stress, but also going.
Speaker:Beyond the body, like in a sense of let's go further upstream.
Speaker:Like what's going on in the mind, what's going on in your life?
Speaker:Like that's something that we really don't explore.
Speaker:We explore it in a sense of, gotta get over it, gotta get tough.
Speaker:I gotta push through, gotta overcome my behaviors, you know?
Speaker:That's not really understanding it, right?
Speaker:That's just kind of trying to put some more pressure on yourself, but really
Speaker:understanding how the mind works and, and how we operate and where our life is at
Speaker:and where do we really need to kind of step back and see where the deficiencies
Speaker:and where's the excess in our life.
Speaker:Where are the gaps?
Speaker:and spending a bit of time there.
Speaker:So really looking at the, you know, the body, the nutrition, but also the
Speaker:mind and the spirit of the person.
Speaker:Do you know, it's not just about, the physiological stuff, it's also, you
Speaker:know, you as a spirit, as a person.
Speaker:are you having your spiritual needs met?
Speaker:You mentioned this kind of all or nothing mindset.
Speaker:and this is something that I see a lot in the program with the women
Speaker:who are moving through the program.
Speaker:And when they feel as though they can't do everything perfectly,
Speaker:they abandon it completely.
Speaker:I think we all have this perfectionist mindset.
Speaker:You speak about it on your podcast, you speak about it in the program.
Speaker:Um.
Speaker:If you couldn't do something perfectly, would you completely abandon it?
Speaker:And how does this mindset of perfection actually drive burnout rather than
Speaker:creating a pathway for success?
Speaker:Yeah, I think at the end of the day, like I remember years ago I was on a podcast
Speaker:and I, and it's something like Freedom Wellness or something, and I thought.
Speaker:Yes, that's what it's about.
Speaker:Wellness and health should be about freedom, not about risk, not about
Speaker:like this perfectionist routine that's, makes you feel anxious or
Speaker:that if you're not doing it a hundred percent correctly, then you're failing.
Speaker:Like, health should be about freedom.
Speaker:It shouldn't be about, you know, being so all or nothing, right?
Speaker:All or nothing.
Speaker:I don't, I don't do all or nothing in my life.
Speaker:I look at that as just a, a way that we sabotage ourselves from
Speaker:getting the results that we want.
Speaker:That's actually really a sabotage habit.
Speaker:So when people come into the program, I am, and even with my
Speaker:private clients, I'm like, what?
Speaker:'cause people say to me, oh, if I can't do all of these things,
Speaker:it's not even worth it, is it?
Speaker:I'm like, even if you did just one thing.
Speaker:Just one.
Speaker:And you did that consistently, you would get results.
Speaker:Like you would see a massive shift in say, six weeks, right?
Speaker:You just did one thing.
Speaker:So this idea that we need to do everything in the perfect order, in
Speaker:the perfect way, you're just not going to have a perfect week, six weeks,
Speaker:three months, it doesn't exist, right?
Speaker:And so as long as you can be consistent.
Speaker:And you know, even with the BA burnout program, we look at like 80%,
Speaker:like no one sticks to it a hundred
Speaker:percent.
Speaker:If they stick to it, 80%, that's, that's where the results are, right?
Speaker:That's, that's pretty much what the people who are going gangbusters,
Speaker:they're doing about 80% of it.
Speaker:You know, they're having some bad days.
Speaker:They're falling off the wagon, but they're getting straight back on because
Speaker:they have nothing on it, because they don't have the all or nothing attitude.
Speaker:That attitude it derails people and then they're like, oh, I can't stick to this.
Speaker:This is just another thing I can't stick to, you know, I'm,
Speaker:I'm gonna try something else.
Speaker:And then they just keep repeating the same pattern, so.
Speaker:all or nothing I don't do, I just, I like to add things into my life bit by
Speaker:bit.
Speaker:And that's why the program's delivered like that, right?
Speaker:It's delivered exactly how I like to do things is like bit by bit and you're
Speaker:stacking habits, so it feels not, not overwhelming, it feels almost effortless
Speaker:and there's no pressure behind it.
Speaker:So I think people really wanna know because coming back to this all or nothing
Speaker:mindset, the perfectionist mindset.
Speaker:Obviously people you will have bad days.
Speaker:It is normal to have bad days.
Speaker:It's normal to just have those.
Speaker:Days where it's not happening, you know, things aren't working properly, and if one
Speaker:little thing goes wrong, it just blows up.
Speaker:We, you know, you talk about this a lot with, in regards to bandwidth, but I think
Speaker:people are really curious and want to know what does a bad day look like for you?
Speaker:how throughout this process and all of the learning that you've,
Speaker:you've developed, how have your thoughts changed on those days?
Speaker:So what was it like, maybe what did a bad day look like before versus now?
Speaker:Well, definitely before it was different.
Speaker:So if I had a bad day before, I would be the person who would
Speaker:catastrophize about problems.
Speaker:Like something happened in the business, I'd be like, oh my gosh, this is so bad.
Speaker:This is so bad.
Speaker:I would be stressing about it.
Speaker:I'd be thinking about it.
Speaker:I'd be talking to someone about it.
Speaker:Like, this is so bad, so bad.
Speaker:So I would really catastrophize problems.
Speaker:And then my bad day was all day.
Speaker:that's in terms of something happening in my day, but I could still have
Speaker:a bad day food wise, you know, where you have a complete blowout.
Speaker:And I think the difference today compared to back then, because you know, I, I speak
Speaker:to people, I have friends who are really.
Speaker:Rigid with their diet and you know, we do Christmas lunches and things
Speaker:like that, and you'll see me, I'll eat gluten, I'll have a glass of wine.
Speaker:I'll do the things that even though I don't do the majority
Speaker:of the time, I would do them at those times because I'm not rigid.
Speaker:I used to be rigid and it was really unhealthy for me.
Speaker:I had so many food issues.
Speaker:I had so much food anxiety that everything I ate reacted.
Speaker:In my gut.
Speaker:And I just, you know, I remember my mom saying to me at one point years ago,
Speaker:she goes, it's like you curse your food.
Speaker:And I was like, yeah, because I can't eat that.
Speaker:I can't eat that.
Speaker:This is bad, that's bad and this is bad for this reason and that reason.
Speaker:It was just like, oh my gosh.
Speaker:And so when I see people like that, like I would never slip back at into that pattern
Speaker:because I don't think that's healthy.
Speaker:I think we are more resilient than.
Speaker:Every single morsel of food is gonna bring us down.
Speaker:Like, you know, I talked about, um, this was really funny on that
Speaker:episode of the diary of a CEO
Speaker:we were talking about this last weekend, me and some friends, how.
Speaker:Steven, what's his name?
Speaker:Bar Bartlett.
Speaker:He said that he had two glasses of wine and then that night he didn't
Speaker:sleep properly, and then the next day it threw him out all day with
Speaker:his workload and his podcasting.
Speaker:And then actually for the next three days, he said it took him three
Speaker:days to get back into his normal routine from two glasses of wine.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And someone in the comments below said.
Speaker:Wow, how soft do you have to be?
Speaker:And I, and I thought that was hilarious because that's what I like, that,
Speaker:um, that's my personal opinion too.
Speaker:Like, I don't want to be so optimized that I can't handle two glasses of
Speaker:wine, and then my three day half my week is thrown out like that.
Speaker:That doesn't seem optimized to me, I'm not ever that rigid, right?
Speaker:Where there's these really hard rules and it's very distressing and it's
Speaker:very hard to keep to them, and it can suck the joy out of life, right?
Speaker:You go to nice events with people and there's nice food and
Speaker:you're like, I can't eat this.
Speaker:I can't eat that.
Speaker:I can't eat this, you know, look healing during the healing phase.
Speaker:Obviously we talk about in the program that's important, that's a hundred
Speaker:percent important, but that's, you know, six weeks, eight weeks out of your life.
Speaker:and, and maybe if it's longer too, that's okay as well, but.
Speaker:You know, I think overall, like you wanna enjoy life, you wanna have
Speaker:freedom, you wanna have freedom with food, that's really important.
Speaker:And so my bad days now, the other day, I think when we were talking about prepping
Speaker:this podcast, I was like, that day I was like, yeah, well I didn't, didn't
Speaker:have breakfast until like lunchtime, like I broke my own rules, you know?
Speaker:'cause it was such a busy morning.
Speaker:I had appointments and I had meetings and it was like from
Speaker:6:00 AM it was back to back.
Speaker:but I was okay because I'm not burnt out anymore.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:When I don't stick to a routine, I don't carry as much, there's
Speaker:not as much weight on that, right?
Speaker:I'm not like, oh, I've broken it.
Speaker:It's a bad day.
Speaker:This is really bad.
Speaker:Like I broke my, I've ruined my whole week.
Speaker:Now I've gotta start back again.
Speaker:And do you know, you know, that's the stuff that I hear that a lot of people do.
Speaker:So I just look, I'm just straight back on the next meal,
Speaker:straight back on, you know, back into my habits.
Speaker:And a bad day to me is not.
Speaker:The catastrophe that it was before.
Speaker:So the days that I have low bandwidth, I just know that I have low bandwidth
Speaker:and I'm just like, you know what?
Speaker:You have no bandwidth.
Speaker:You're not gonna get this done right now.
Speaker:You need to just take a break for five minutes or do something
Speaker:else until your mind creates more bandwidth and then you can come
Speaker:back to it.
Speaker:And that has served me very well.
Speaker:It's allowed me to do a lot more work, get a lot more done, be very productive
Speaker:without feeling that catastrophe at all.
Speaker:But also without that overwhelming
Speaker:Mm-hmm.
Speaker:And so speaking of low bandwidth, you know, like we, you talked a lot
Speaker:about what they are and how you can handle them, but how can women tell
Speaker:the difference between laziness?
Speaker:And low nervous system capacity.
Speaker:laziness is just not ever normally laziness because there is still a
Speaker:metabolic process that's happening there.
Speaker:So either they don't have the energy.
Speaker:Right, or they're in that kind of freeze response, right?
Speaker:That, that they can't actually do another thing.
Speaker:They have zero capacity.
Speaker:So one of the things that I see with women who are, are burnt out, who have
Speaker:mitochondrial dysfunction, uh, they just don't have that energy production.
Speaker:And so it looks like laziness, but really they just don't have that energy.
Speaker:The body is conserving their energy.
Speaker:Whatever it has, you know, for metabolic processes, it's not,
Speaker:there's not enough overflow.
Speaker:to do things that they need to do because really a high think
Speaker:something like exercise, right?
Speaker:Our desire to exercise is a natural desire due to a surplus of energy.
Speaker:It's not as if we have to go, okay, now I've gotta go to the gym.
Speaker:I'm so tired, I can't be bothered, I'm so lazy, whatever.
Speaker:No, actually there isn't a surplus of energy there, so therefore you're using
Speaker:your willpower to push you through.
Speaker:and in terms of the nervous system, quite often people stuck in that freeze response
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:won't be able to do more.
Speaker:They won't recognize why, but they just have such a small capacity to
Speaker:take anything new on, and so everything feels like it's just too hard.
Speaker:It's just too much.
Speaker:I can't, like the, the brain just goes, no.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:laziness, unless, you know, like even teenagers, like that's about the
Speaker:only example I would give laziness.
Speaker:And, but still they're going through a massive growth spurt, so that's
Speaker:why the energy's being used to grow.
Speaker:Um, and that's why it looks like laziness.
Speaker:So very rarely just laziness.
Speaker:There's a lot more going on internally.
Speaker:Mm. Yeah.
Speaker:'cause again, I see this a lot in the, in the calls and in the community
Speaker:where people feel like on those days where they have low bandwidth, if
Speaker:they stop that internal dialogue that they have with themself is,
Speaker:I'm lazy, I'm not good enough.
Speaker:Um, what would you say to these women when they're having these.
Speaker:Thoughts of I'm not good enough.
Speaker:I have to continually keep doing and keep moving and keep going and
Speaker:pushing through in order to feel enough and to feel like you've had a good,
Speaker:successful day, that you feel worthy.
Speaker:Yeah, it's interesting.
Speaker:Like I, I feel like, uh, that's more of a habitual pattern.
Speaker:So, you know, if you don't have a productive day, how does
Speaker:that make you less good enough?
Speaker:if your output is, determines whether you are good enough, then yeah, you're
Speaker:gonna have days where your, your sense of self-esteem is gonna fluctuate because
Speaker:you are, you're basing it on external output, which is, is not the case.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:We are.
Speaker:You know, we are good enough.
Speaker:We, we, we should, you know, that's just not being able to tap into that
Speaker:self-esteem or that confidence because the mind is telling us other things.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:Oh, you did that really badly.
Speaker:I can't believe you said that.
Speaker:That's so embarrassing.
Speaker:You know, like, like that's just the mind, right?
Speaker:But you know, when the mind quietens down, you don't feel
Speaker:like you're not good enough.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:You don't even think about it.
Speaker:It's not even something that comes up.
Speaker:But it's only when we are being super hypercritical because our mind takes over.
Speaker:That we start to then go, well, if I do more, then I'm
Speaker:enough.
Speaker:that's a losing battle tying, tying your self-esteem to your output.
Speaker:And I think that's a really hard one.
Speaker:I've done podcasts on that because I've definitely seen that for myself, that,
Speaker:you know, if I'm achieving, then I'm enough, you know?
Speaker:But that, that's a trap because the goalpost is always
Speaker:moving.
Speaker:You know, and I think as soon as you can get awareness and disconnect from output
Speaker:and productivity and achievement and just know that that sense of enoughness
Speaker:is something that you are, is a feeling that you're connected to when you don't
Speaker:have a lot of crap going on in your head,
Speaker:No.
Speaker:when you're more centered, when you're more quiet, that's,
Speaker:that's a natural feeling.
Speaker:What are some of the unspoken things that you've learned from helping over
Speaker:10,000 women throughout the program?
Speaker:Yeah, so I guess some of the things that we haven't spoken about is.
Speaker:You know, I talk about in the program the rescuer profile,
Speaker:you know, the rescuer mindset.
Speaker:And again, I'm bringing a lot of my case studies into this because, you know,
Speaker:that's something I discovered for myself.
Speaker:So a rescuer is someone who is always rescuing people in a sense
Speaker:of, overcommitting to things, helping everyone leaving themselves last,
Speaker:and then, they can become resentful.
Speaker:And so.
Speaker:It takes up a lot of your, your time and your space and
Speaker:your bandwidth and your energy.
Speaker:so I'll give you an example that, you know, in my work, I have had
Speaker:moments and a lot of moments that I'm like, I just wanna make it as easy
Speaker:as possible for them to do so easy.
Speaker:And then if they don't find it easy, well then that's on me.
Speaker:I need to make it easier.
Speaker:Like I then make a breakdown easier, make it more clear, whatever.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:And I got to that point where I realized.
Speaker:the fact that they, you know, if someone's struggling with
Speaker:something, then that's not.
Speaker:You know, it's not on me that I haven't made it easy enough for them.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:In fact, a rescuer turns people into victims, and that's, that's the biggest
Speaker:lesson I learned is that as I'm trying to make it and do it all for them
Speaker:and make it as easy as possible, then I'm saying to myself that they don't
Speaker:have the resources or the ability to do it on their own without me.
Speaker:And so therefore I've created a victim.
Speaker:And then what happens is a victim will, you know, turn against you.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And so, you know, we'll say to mothers in the group, like, you're
Speaker:doing everything for your kids.
Speaker:And no one appreciates that.
Speaker:You feel resentful, but the kids become like the victim and
Speaker:then they become the aggressor.
Speaker:Like they don't appreciate anything.
Speaker:They fight back with you.
Speaker:And it's like, while the rescuer role is very nurturing and very helpful, like
Speaker:without rescuers, I don't think we'd have nurses and doctors and all of that, right?
Speaker:People who really wanna make a difference.
Speaker:So I don't think it's all bad, but I think there needs to be awareness of.
Speaker:how much are you being a rescuer in your relationships, in your
Speaker:work and just in your day to day?
Speaker:'cause that is extremely draining and just takes a lot from you, and
Speaker:it doesn't serve others either.
Speaker:I think that's, you know, the big lesson that I learned, it
Speaker:doesn't really serve people.
Speaker:And so that's, you know, probably one of the, you know, things that we talk
Speaker:about early on in the program that we haven't mentioned here on the podcast.
Speaker:The other final thing that I would mention is hyper vigilance.
Speaker:So, you know, we see people in the program that have been.
Speaker:Exhausted chronically that I've had.
Speaker:Chronic gut symptoms, chronic thyroid conditions, autoimmune, just chronic
Speaker:symptoms, right from whatever cause.
Speaker:And one of the things that I've noticed in my work, which makes a
Speaker:huge difference, is to recognize how much the hyper vigilance, which I'll
Speaker:explain, but how much the hypervigilance is contributing to the symptoms and
Speaker:really exacerbating them, if not.
Speaker:Prevent, like being the block to healing, right?
Speaker:And so hypervigilance means that, you know, I'll give you an example.
Speaker:When someone's tired, they've been chronic fatigue for years, and
Speaker:so the energy goes up and down.
Speaker:And so when it's down, they're like, oh, why am I so tired?
Speaker:I'm so sick of being tired.
Speaker:I've done everything.
Speaker:What am I not doing right?
Speaker:What did I eat yesterday?
Speaker:What about, did I take all my supplements?
Speaker:Or why?
Speaker:Why am I still like this?
Speaker:I can't stand being, I'm doing all the right things.
Speaker:This is so frustrating.
Speaker:Like that mental conversation or it's like.
Speaker:I can't do this 'cause I won't have the energy or I can't eat that because you
Speaker:know, that's gonna affect my health.
Speaker:So that's hypervigilance and that keeps the stress response active all day.
Speaker:It causes that slow drip drip of cortisol all day long.
Speaker:Which then has its downstream effect, right?
Speaker:It starts to hijack other systems of the body, changes our hormones, changes our
Speaker:biochemistry, creates inflammation, breaks down our gut, breaks down liver detox
Speaker:pathways, like so much is happening that then makes sure that the symptoms stay.
Speaker:And so a lot of people, when I have that conversation with them, they don't
Speaker:realize that, yeah, that's what I do.
Speaker:I really do that.
Speaker:And it's, it's like going to war with your body.
Speaker:Like they don't realize it, but that, that hyper vigilance is like you're in
Speaker:resistance.
Speaker:Yeah, so that's probably along with all the, you know,
Speaker:the dietary and the mindset.
Speaker:But those are the other two things that I think that are really
Speaker:important that when women come through the program that they see that.
Speaker:Beautiful.
Speaker:Amazing.
Speaker:Well, thank you, Melissa, for your interview style.
Speaker:Thank you so much for sharing with us Wena.
Speaker:Um, I know I learned a lot and I'm sure anybody listening also learned a lot and,
Speaker:Amazing.
Speaker:thank you so much.