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Steve Smelski: Hello everyone  and welcome
to today's episode of Hope Thru Grief.

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I'm one of your co-hosts Steve Smelski.

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I'm here with my good friend
and co-host Marshall Adler.

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Marshall Adler: Hello, everybody.

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Hope you're doing well today.

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Steve Smelski: So today we have a
special guest on her name is Bethany

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Adams, and we're going to talk a
little bit today about a sibling loss.

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It's one of the things
that we haven't touched on.

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And, uh, we decided to see if
Bethany would join us today.

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Marshall Adler: Bethany, I just want
to thank you so much for agreeing

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to talk today and being our guest.

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And I just want to tell you that,
uh, for me, this will be a very

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insightful discussion because, um,
I lost my son Matt, two years ago,

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I was 32 years old and his younger
brother, David is obviously in your

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position with losing a sibling.

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So I've been very, very interested in
any insights and comments you could

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give from a siblings loss perspective.

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So again, thank you so much for
agreeing to be our guest today, but

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if you could just start out and just
tell us your story, that'd be great.

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Bethany Adams: Yeah.

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Yeah, absolutely.

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And thank you guys so much for
having me on the podcast as well.

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It's really an honor for me to be able
to share my story and to be able to how'd

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that go a little farther into the world.

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Marshall Adler: That's great, That's

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Bethany Adams: great

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So my name is Bethany and I
lost my brother four years ago.

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It was July of 2016.

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I was in college.

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It was my second
sophomore year of college.

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I had just finished my first
semester of nursing school.

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So it was the summer after
that and I was at home.

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He was off working at camp.

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We spent a few I think a month
together, I got home in May.

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We spent about a month,
both together at home.

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He was in high school at
the time, just graduating.

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We had his high school graduation in May,
and then he went off to camp and I had a

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summer internship doing kind of summer,
summer camps for kids here in Houston.

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So fast forwarding a little bit to June.

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It was Father's Day um, and
this is the last time that I

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actually really saw Hudson.

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So he had come home for Father's Day.

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He had real short weekends off at camp.

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Uh, so he'd come home for father's
day and we went to the beach and I

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just remember that being such a, I,
I think it really highlighted the

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fact that we were both very much.

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In the same stage of life, he
was kind of entering my stage.

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So for half of high school, we
were kind of in the same stage.

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Um, and then we were kind of
entering that again with college.

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So I remember just talking about college,
giving him advice about college, uh,

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talking about his time at camp and
just really relating to each other

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cause I don't think it was until we
were teenagers that we started really.

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Really relating to each other and
feeling like we were in the same

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stage of life, but I just remember
being out in the waves, me and him

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like went out and we were swimming.

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We were catching waves and then a
storm kind of rolled in and we, we

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had to run, run out of the, the ocean
real fast pack up, all our stuff.

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He kind of, he was always super helpful.

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He would always just kind
of grab everything and go.

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And, and then he went off in his car
and he ended up actually getting locked

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out of his car at a What-a-Burger.

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And no, it was a James
Coney James Coney Island.

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And he, I, I didn't see him after
that because he came home real late.

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And then I had to go to work in the
morning that was in June and then in

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July was when everything happened.

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So I was at work and my mom called
me and told me that she would, they

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were going up to camp to pick them up.

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And he had called a few days
before this was on a Monday.

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He had called on Friday
and said he felt sick.

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And of course I was, uh,
just starting nursing school.

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So I was like, thinking about everything.

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I was like, Oh, what could it be?

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What, you know, I was
like, Oh, he's, he's sick.

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He had a headache.

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So I was kind of giving him my advice.

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Oh, just take some ibuprofen.

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This, it was just flu,
like symptoms really.

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So then on Monday was when
the camp called my parents and

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told them to come pick him up.

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So I was at work and my mom said
that they were going to pick thim up.

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But at this point we still didn't know
that it was going to be as bad as it was.

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So they went and when they got
there, he was very much, you

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know, pretty much unresponsive.

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And so, so that's when they called us
and when we, they called me and my older

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brother, um, and we realized that it
was more serious than we had thought.

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So I, I was staying, I was with
my little sister at the time.

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She was 10.

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I was 20 years old.

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So I was staying with her and we
were at some other friend's house.

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And I remember my mom called
me and she said, we are going

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to be transferred to Houston.

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He's going to be life-flighted.

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So I'm coming home.

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If you want to meet me at home, and then
we can go to the hospital and then we'd

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left my, my sister with our friends.

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So it wasn't till three in the morning
that he actually got to the hospital.

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Yes.

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And I, and at that point,
thought it was meningitis.

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They were treating him for just a
regular meningitis, which is, which

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is what typically happens, I think.

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Yes.

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Um,

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Steve Smelski: yeah

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Bethany Adams: So that was Monday
night and then Tuesday was when they

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actually did further testing and found
that he had an amoeba in his brain.

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So at that point, um, I think they had
kind of told us that this is there's,

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there's not much else that they can do.

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And...

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Steve Smelski: yeah,

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Bethany Adams: I think throughout
Monday night there was still a lot of,

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a lot of hope, but then Tuesday was
when we realized, so I, I would say

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that whole thing was kind of a blur.

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Some of, some of it's a little bit blurry
in my memory and I, and I don't, I think

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this is, I don't know if this is more
of a sibling thing or if this is just

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me as an individual personality wise, I
did not really want to go into the room.

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I, it was really hard for
me to see him like that.

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And as it would be for anyone.

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But I didn't spend much time
in the actual hospital room.

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I spent my time out in the lobby and I, I
spent a lot of time talking to his friends

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and we had a lot of people come through.

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And I think that was the best thing for me
at that time was just to, just to really

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like to greet the people that came to, to
show their support and then, uh, to just.

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Also, let them be a
comforting presence for me.

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And so that I could also
be there for my parents.

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I do remember something just individually
impactful there was a nurse there

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that was, I told her that I was in
nursing school and I remember her

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sitting down and spending so much time.

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I mean, and now being a nurse
myself, realizing like what

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a sacrifice that was for her.

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She spent some very individual time
with me talking to me about becoming a

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nurse, but also just talking me through
what I was experiencing in that moment.

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That was really impactful for
me individually in my, in my

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journey of life and in my career.

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So he did pass away on Wednesday.

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And I remember at that moment, I
was like, I can't, what do I do?

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I can't, I can't go back to college.

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Cause I felt a lot of
responsibility for my parents.

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I, there was a lot of fear there about
what is this gonna do to my parents?

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What's it gonna do to them individually?

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What's it going to do to them together?

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What, what does this look like?

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I think that was one of my
greatest fears as it was all

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happening, you know, is it going to
completely destroy them as people?

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Like, are they going to be the
same parents that I've known?

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And then also I was worried about my
sister because she was 10 years old.

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She was a lot younger than the rest of us.

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So how, how does that look for
a child to go through this and

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how's it going to affect her.

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And I think that was one of the
hardest things too, because we had to

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go home and, and tell her on Tuesday,
we had to go home and tell my sister.

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And I don't know that she really
fully understood what was going

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on, uh, before we went and had
that conversation with her.

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So that sticks out in my mind is
the hardest moment in all of it.

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I was going to tell my sister.

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Steve Smelski: So she didn't
have any idea then, right?

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Bethany Adams: She, no, I don't
think she knew how bad it was.

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And I don't think we knew
how to include her on that.

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Marshall Adler: You were
very close in age to Hudson.

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Am I correct?

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You were a year apart?

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Bethany Adams: Yes, we
were a year and a half.

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Yep.

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Marshall Adler: So where you really
close to Nate, but close to him

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also from a relationship standpoint.

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Bethany Adams: Yes.

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Yes.

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And we had kind of been developing that.

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Uh, I had, I had graduated high school
two years before in 2014 and I held the,

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saved up a bunch of money for us to go
and me and him to go travel to France.

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And that is one of my, I think that
was a real, we kind of developed a

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relationship throughout high school
because we started, like I said earlier,

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we started to really feel like we were
in the same life stage at that point.

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Oh, once we both were in high
school, he was a freshman.

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I was a junior.

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And then that trip was a really, really
impactful trip for our relationship.

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And I mean, it gave us so much to talk
about over those next two years, we were

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always talking about our trip and always
talking about the memories that we had.

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Cause we spent there, we
spent a month there together.

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So.....

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Marshall Adler: you went to France
together for a month while the two of you.

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Bethany Adams: Yes.

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Marshall Adler: How old were you then?

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You were,  9....

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Bethany Adams: I was 18.

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Marshall Adler: 18?

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Bethany Adams: And he was 17 Yeah.

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Marshall Adler: You do this by yourself.

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Bethany Adams: Yeah.

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So we wish we went and stayed.

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So our family hosted exchange students.

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And so we had hosted a student
from over there and so their family

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invited us to come stay with them.

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So we went on vacation with them.

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We.

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Steve Smelski: Oh, wow.

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Bethany Adams: Yeah, we had, we had a
blast . One of our best memories ever

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Marshall Adler: With France.

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Was that in the city or a rural area?

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Bethany Adams: Yeah, so we went to Paris.

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That's where they live.

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So we were there for a couple of
weeks and then for two weeks we went

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to the North, we went to Brittany
and that's where they, uh, they go

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for their summer vacations and it's,
uh, beach and it was, it was a dream.

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So

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....
Marshall Adler: that's incredible.

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You did this obviously thinking
you would have a long life

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together as brother and sister.

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Bethany Adams: Yes

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Marshall Adler: Never thinking that.

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Thank God you did this as a
memory that you'll have forever.

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Bethany Adams: Exactly.

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Marshall Adler: Wow

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Bethany Adams: You know, I assumed we
would obviously do more things like that.

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It's I mean, yeah.

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I think

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that's.

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Steve Smelski: You guys.

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I was going to say, I was going to
say, so you guys really got very

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close together then on that trip?

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Bethany Adams: Yes.

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Yes.

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That was a big bonding
bonding moment for us.

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Yes.

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Marshall Adler: It's interesting that
you mentioned worried about your parents

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and about your younger sister, it
speaks well of you that you concerned

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about your family versus yourself.

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But before I ask you about how you're
doing with everything four years

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out now, how are your parents doing?

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How, how is your youngest sister
doing with the concerns you had

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when he Hudson first passed away?

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Bethany Adams: Yeah, I
think it's interesting.

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00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:48,230
It's so I think it was real, real
difficult there for the first two years.

233
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:50,630
I do think.

234
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:55,590
There were some, some very
marketed changes that I saw in

235
00:13:55,590 --> 00:13:59,370
my parents and my, my sister.

236
00:13:59,370 --> 00:14:04,770
It's so hard for me to tell because
she isn't, she's been going through

237
00:14:04,770 --> 00:14:06,840
that kind of middle school stage.

238
00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:12,630
Now she's a freshman in high school
and she's also not, she's not one

239
00:14:12,630 --> 00:14:14,790
that talks about her emotions a lot.

240
00:14:15,150 --> 00:14:19,320
Um, so her age combined with her
personality, it makes it hard for me to

241
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:22,575
know exactly what's going on with her.

242
00:14:23,505 --> 00:14:26,085
And she, she will say
things, which is interesting.

243
00:14:26,085 --> 00:14:28,455
You just forget what it
was like to be a kid.

244
00:14:29,025 --> 00:14:35,625
She'll say, like, I don't even, I don't
remember him that well, which I guess

245
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:40,095
when you're younger, it's, it's different
because if I think about somebody that

246
00:14:40,095 --> 00:14:45,375
died when I was 10 years old, it would be
a whole different experience than somebody

247
00:14:45,375 --> 00:14:47,094
that died when I was 20 years old.

248
00:14:49,135 --> 00:14:49,485
Right

249
00:14:49,485 --> 00:14:52,050
So that's, that's interesting to me.

250
00:14:52,740 --> 00:14:58,470
I mean, she remembers him, but just
in a very different way than I do.

251
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,910
Marshall Adler: You do talk
a lot to your parents and to

252
00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:05,030
your siblings about the loss.

253
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,960
Bethany Adams: Not,
not really, not really.

254
00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:11,780
I was telling Steve this the other day.

255
00:15:12,525 --> 00:15:15,975
It's it's interesting because
I don't mind talking about it.

256
00:15:16,005 --> 00:15:17,775
I'll talk to my friends about it.

257
00:15:17,775 --> 00:15:19,275
I'll write about it.

258
00:15:19,275 --> 00:15:22,785
I'll share about it, but it's
hardest to talk to my family,

259
00:15:22,785 --> 00:15:26,084
Marshall Adler: Why is that?

260
00:15:27,935 --> 00:15:33,905
Bethany Adams: I think, Oh man,
that's a good, that's a good question.

261
00:15:33,905 --> 00:15:39,660
I'm trying to pinpoint exactly
why I think it's just I'm

262
00:15:39,660 --> 00:15:41,849
scared to bring up that emotion.

263
00:15:41,849 --> 00:15:47,939
Like if I, and again, this is probably
a personality thing for me because, you

264
00:15:47,939 --> 00:15:53,099
know, for example, my dad is not afraid of
that kind of emotion and delving into it.

265
00:15:53,520 --> 00:16:02,609
I'm a little bit more wary of it and I
can almost, if I'm talking to more of

266
00:16:02,609 --> 00:16:09,045
an outside party, I can detach from it
detached from the emotional side of it.

267
00:16:09,855 --> 00:16:12,555
If I'm talking to my family, I can't
detach from the emotional side of

268
00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:21,255
it because I see their emotion and I
it's just too close to, I don't know.

269
00:16:21,285 --> 00:16:23,985
It's, it's, it's more difficult for me.

270
00:16:25,745 --> 00:16:29,795
Marshall Adler: Have you gone to
support groups for yourself, either

271
00:16:29,795 --> 00:16:31,295
with your family or on your own?

272
00:16:32,795 --> 00:16:38,775
Bethany Adams: I have not I've done
some individual counseling, which

273
00:16:38,775 --> 00:16:40,305
has been really helpful for me.

274
00:16:40,955 --> 00:16:45,885
Just to process things with a
completely outside third party.

275
00:16:46,635 --> 00:16:51,385
So that's been really helpful for me and
just navigating these last few years.

276
00:16:52,075 --> 00:17:00,705
I would, I would recommend that to
anyone, but I also found that my, my

277
00:17:00,705 --> 00:17:05,790
friends were a good emotional support.

278
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:07,540
So we....

279
00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:10,280
Steve Smelski: were they afraid to
bring it up or they actually were

280
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:15,140
pretty good at talking about it with
you because we've noticed some of our

281
00:17:15,140 --> 00:17:18,120
friends, they, they won't bring it up
because they're afraid it'll hurt us.

282
00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:26,810
Bethany Adams: Yes, I think I had, so
I had one friend that I actually wasn't

283
00:17:26,810 --> 00:17:33,405
super close with before everything
happened and she stepped in, I mean,

284
00:17:33,405 --> 00:17:37,875
she, some people just know what to
do, people know what to do, and some

285
00:17:37,875 --> 00:17:41,475
people don't, and I don't really blame
my friends that didn't know what to do.

286
00:17:41,835 --> 00:17:45,405
Cause that's just, I'm really
honestly, I'm that person that

287
00:17:45,405 --> 00:17:47,235
don't doesn't know what to do still.

288
00:17:48,615 --> 00:17:49,485
It's interesting.

289
00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:56,385
Like I've had this experience and
it makes me better, but naturally.

290
00:17:57,495 --> 00:18:03,435
I am that person that kind of doesn't
know what to do and doesn't know exactly

291
00:18:03,675 --> 00:18:09,105
how to help someone, which is, it's
just a weird, it's been an interesting

292
00:18:09,105 --> 00:18:16,155
discovery that I've found for myself,
but I had a friend who just, I mean, she

293
00:18:16,155 --> 00:18:18,044
was every single day she was calling me.

294
00:18:18,044 --> 00:18:19,215
She would come over.

295
00:18:19,575 --> 00:18:23,625
She would help me so I'm fed, I did
decide to go back to college that

296
00:18:23,625 --> 00:18:26,085
next semester, that's kind of where.

297
00:18:27,930 --> 00:18:28,680
I didn't know what to do.

298
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:31,470
I thought maybe I needed to
stay home and be that support.

299
00:18:31,470 --> 00:18:37,320
Cause I was always as a kid kind of felt
kind of responsible, like I need to,

300
00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:40,350
I need to make sure everybody's okay.

301
00:18:40,980 --> 00:18:42,900
That was just kind of
my role in the family.

302
00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:47,760
That was, um, very much a peacemaker
be to make sure everybody's at peace.

303
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:48,930
Everybody's okay.

304
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,150
Everybody's getting along with each other.

305
00:18:51,794 --> 00:18:55,965
So I felt like I needed to do that,
but I got some, a lot of outside advice

306
00:18:55,965 --> 00:18:57,495
and they were like, you do need it.

307
00:18:57,495 --> 00:19:00,385
It would probably be best for
you to go back to college.

308
00:19:02,865 --> 00:19:08,044
You know and not that it's different for
everyone, but just people that knew me

309
00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:15,485
were saying this for you individually,
this is probably the best thing.

310
00:19:16,294 --> 00:19:17,675
So anyway, so my friend.

311
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:20,504
She helped me pack up for college.

312
00:19:20,504 --> 00:19:25,064
Like I didn't, I was like, I can't even
like, how do I even begin to do that?

313
00:19:26,294 --> 00:19:31,364
That was the last thing that I could
even begin to think about doing.

314
00:19:31,364 --> 00:19:35,925
So she, she helped me with a lot of
practical things and she also would call

315
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:42,554
me every day asking me how I was doing
was really, and it was interesting.

316
00:19:42,554 --> 00:19:45,225
Cause like I said, we were,
this was not my closest friend.

317
00:19:45,780 --> 00:19:51,060
Before this was, this was someone I
just kind of had known and we would meet

318
00:19:51,060 --> 00:19:56,040
up every once in a while, but, but she
really, really stepped up as a friend.

319
00:19:56,040 --> 00:20:01,710
And was, was that support that
I needed in those first days.

320
00:20:02,460 --> 00:20:03,510
Steve Smelski: Are you guys close now?

321
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:04,710
Bethany Adams: Yeah, yeah.

322
00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:05,879
Yeah.

323
00:20:05,879 --> 00:20:07,320
So then we spent a summer together.

324
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:09,990
We worked together the next
summer and now we very much are.

325
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:11,280
Marshall Adler: It's interesting.

326
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:12,419
You mentioned that because.

327
00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:20,129
My son, Matt died by
suicide and we're Jewish.

328
00:20:20,190 --> 00:20:26,280
And when somebody passes the
Jewish religion, you have

329
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:27,840
the funeral very quickly.

330
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:32,639
And my mother passed away
two days after my son did.

331
00:20:32,679 --> 00:20:33,330
Bethany Adams: oh wow

332
00:20:33,419 --> 00:20:36,090
Marshall Adler: So I lost my
mother and my son within 48 hours.

333
00:20:36,090 --> 00:20:39,899
So we had to do two funerals,
two eulogies, two obituaries.

334
00:20:39,929 --> 00:20:40,949
It was just unbelievable.

335
00:20:40,949 --> 00:20:47,570
Then my best friend from 50
years in Buffalo, who knew my

336
00:20:47,570 --> 00:20:48,679
mother and my son very well.

337
00:20:48,679 --> 00:20:49,730
He passed away too.

338
00:20:49,730 --> 00:20:52,790
So I had three incredible losses
within weeks of each other.

339
00:20:52,790 --> 00:20:55,100
So it was just, yeah, unbelievable.

340
00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:57,169
And we knew for me.

341
00:20:57,540 --> 00:20:59,100
I had to be very vocal.

342
00:20:59,150 --> 00:20:59,790
I'm a lawyer.

343
00:20:59,820 --> 00:21:02,670
I like speaking, I guess
I it's my job to speak.

344
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:11,610
So I talk to the rabbi and I told
the rabbi at the funeral that we

345
00:21:11,610 --> 00:21:18,360
want to be very honest and open about
Matt's life, but also his passing.

346
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:20,730
And I found it very helpful.

347
00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:23,159
To talk to people about it.

348
00:21:23,639 --> 00:21:26,100
And for the first two weeks, I couldn't
talk to anybody must have had a

349
00:21:26,100 --> 00:21:31,100
hundred emails, voicemails letters,
calls couldn't return any of them.

350
00:21:32,629 --> 00:21:35,030
So I couldn't talk standing by for
two weeks since then, I'll talk to

351
00:21:35,030 --> 00:21:37,280
everybody and anybody, obviously
I'm doing this where anybody

352
00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:38,149
in the world could hear this.

353
00:21:38,149 --> 00:21:42,230
I mean, obviously, so I found
it very helpful, but I could

354
00:21:42,230 --> 00:21:43,580
sort of see what you're saying.

355
00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:48,379
That I've been surprised on the
upside and surprised on the downside

356
00:21:49,129 --> 00:21:54,480
from people willing to step up and
sort of help you on that journey.

357
00:21:54,900 --> 00:21:59,820
And it's, I'm not judging anybody,
but it's just not what you expect.

358
00:21:59,970 --> 00:22:04,950
Have you had that same feeling that
you've been on the upside and the

359
00:22:04,950 --> 00:22:06,330
downside, just, just surprised?

360
00:22:06,975 --> 00:22:08,565
Yes, yes it is.

361
00:22:08,565 --> 00:22:10,905
And I think I've talked to
several it's interesting.

362
00:22:10,905 --> 00:22:13,425
I've come across since, since
this happened, I've come

363
00:22:13,425 --> 00:22:14,895
across quite a few people.

364
00:22:14,895 --> 00:22:19,095
My age that have lost siblings, not
on purpose, but just incidentally

365
00:22:19,395 --> 00:22:24,135
people I work with or people in
college, anyone I've talked to has

366
00:22:24,135 --> 00:22:26,685
said, said very similar things.

367
00:22:26,715 --> 00:22:30,765
Bethany Adams: You just are surprised
who, I mean sometimes comes out of the

368
00:22:30,765 --> 00:22:33,615
woodwork and is just there for you.

369
00:22:34,035 --> 00:22:38,895
And then who you maybe thought was
gonna going to be there for you.

370
00:22:38,895 --> 00:22:42,075
And maybe they just have a personality
that they don't know what to do.

371
00:22:42,075 --> 00:22:43,515
It's just uncomfortable for them.

372
00:22:44,595 --> 00:22:48,375
And so I've had to learn, okay.

373
00:22:48,565 --> 00:22:51,435
I mean, this is, it just is what it is.

374
00:22:51,525 --> 00:22:52,445
This is who....

375
00:22:52,975 --> 00:22:53,315
Marshall Adler: Right

376
00:22:53,315 --> 00:22:53,455
Steve Smelski: Right

377
00:22:53,515 --> 00:22:58,065
Bethany Adams: who I can rely on that
kind of support from and this is who maybe

378
00:22:58,335 --> 00:23:01,575
that's, I'm not going to get that from,
but you know, their friendship serves

379
00:23:01,575 --> 00:23:03,980
a different purpose and that's okay.

380
00:23:05,290 --> 00:23:05,600
But...

381
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:07,680
Steve Smelski: I wanted
to go back and ask.

382
00:23:07,770 --> 00:23:11,850
So you talked about how difficult
it is to share with the family, but

383
00:23:11,850 --> 00:23:13,980
you feel open to talking to others?

384
00:23:14,010 --> 00:23:20,250
I think Shelly and I are actually
easier talking to others about it

385
00:23:20,250 --> 00:23:25,620
and we are taught because I think
for us, we both go to that very,

386
00:23:25,620 --> 00:23:27,630
very painful, emotional part.

387
00:23:27,870 --> 00:23:30,930
And you don't always
want to go back there.

388
00:23:33,135 --> 00:23:33,825
Bethany Adams: Exactly.

389
00:23:35,025 --> 00:23:35,415
Steve Smelski: Okay.

390
00:23:35,505 --> 00:23:36,585
I was kind of curious.

391
00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:38,705
Bethany Adams: That's exactly it.

392
00:23:38,765 --> 00:23:43,895
I, if I am to talk, like if I
were to really delve into it with

393
00:23:43,895 --> 00:23:50,135
my mom or with my dad or with my
siblings, it brings me all the way

394
00:23:50,135 --> 00:23:53,495
back to almost what I felt then.

395
00:23:54,245 --> 00:23:57,355
And you kind of just naturally
don't want to feel that again.

396
00:23:59,535 --> 00:24:01,875
I mean, like I said, everyone's different.

397
00:24:03,105 --> 00:24:08,685
I think if, like I said, my dad is
much more comfortable with that.

398
00:24:09,705 --> 00:24:11,024
He's much more comfortable with that.

399
00:24:11,024 --> 00:24:15,885
And I think if we were more
comfortable with it, he would, he

400
00:24:15,885 --> 00:24:17,685
would be happy to talk to us about it.

401
00:24:20,850 --> 00:24:23,760
But I, it's hard to go back to that place.

402
00:24:24,450 --> 00:24:25,560
Steve Smelski: I totallly got it.

403
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:26,230
Bethany Adams: Yeah.

404
00:24:26,690 --> 00:24:28,670
Marshall Adler: It's interesting
you mentioned that because I've

405
00:24:28,879 --> 00:24:36,890
said this story a few times
before, after Matt passed, I was,

406
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:38,870
I think it was about a year later.

407
00:24:39,260 --> 00:24:46,160
I was in the car waiting to go
through a drive-through bank and.

408
00:24:47,084 --> 00:24:54,304
I heard on the radio the funeral for
John McCain who died from a Glioblastoma

409
00:24:54,304 --> 00:25:01,955
Brain Tumor and his good friend that
gave him his eulogy was Joe Biden.

410
00:25:03,735 --> 00:25:07,354
McCain was a conservative Republican,
and Joe Biden was a liberal Democrat

411
00:25:07,774 --> 00:25:09,034
and they were best of friends.

412
00:25:09,695 --> 00:25:11,975
And McCain's specifically
asked for Joe Biden.

413
00:25:12,540 --> 00:25:16,139
Because the Glioblastoma Brain
Tumor, it's a you know, the

414
00:25:16,139 --> 00:25:18,629
prognosis being a nurse is horrific.

415
00:25:18,990 --> 00:25:21,690
I've had multiple friends of
mine die from Glioblastoma Brain

416
00:25:21,690 --> 00:25:23,129
Tumors, just a horrible disease.

417
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:27,149
And I was in the line.

418
00:25:27,180 --> 00:25:31,410
I just veered off and went
over to the parking lot where

419
00:25:31,410 --> 00:25:33,180
I would just turn the car off.

420
00:25:34,410 --> 00:25:40,200
And I knew Biden lost a
wife and two children.

421
00:25:41,550 --> 00:25:47,330
And I know this guy knows grief, you
know, I'll, I'll just say, I'm, I'm

422
00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:48,690
a Democrat, I'm voting for Biden.

423
00:25:48,750 --> 00:25:51,450
So that's an aside, but totally separate.

424
00:25:51,450 --> 00:25:55,980
And apart from that, this guy knows
grief and I've always respected what

425
00:25:55,980 --> 00:25:57,540
he said about it and what he said.

426
00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:03,780
He turned to the McCain family and he
said that he said, I promise you, there

427
00:26:03,780 --> 00:26:10,950
will be a day where the tear in the
eye will become a smile on the face.

428
00:26:12,030 --> 00:26:20,460
And that really resonated with me and hit
me because my son, Matt was really funny.

429
00:26:21,180 --> 00:26:26,700
He was a really funny guy and
he made me laugh for the 32

430
00:26:26,700 --> 00:26:28,050
years he was on this planet.

431
00:26:29,910 --> 00:26:32,399
You know, my mother lived to 93.

432
00:26:32,490 --> 00:26:35,520
My father lived to 91.

433
00:26:36,075 --> 00:26:40,045
So I just assume my son was going
to live to them is his 90's,

434
00:26:41,195 --> 00:26:44,165
but yeah, I lost two brothers.

435
00:26:44,825 --> 00:26:46,955
I had two brothers pass.

436
00:26:46,965 --> 00:26:47,885
I didn't know either one of them.

437
00:26:47,885 --> 00:26:52,405
They were very young and I didn't
know either one, I was just

438
00:26:52,415 --> 00:26:53,165
two year old, one was older.

439
00:26:53,165 --> 00:26:53,855
He was younger than me.

440
00:26:55,985 --> 00:27:00,335
So my parents talked about losing
children, so I knew it could happen,

441
00:27:00,725 --> 00:27:05,040
but again, I never thought it would
happen to me because I said my parents

442
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:09,900
lost children where the odds of us
losing a child be astronomically

443
00:27:10,130 --> 00:27:12,180
miniscule,  which obviously made no sense.

444
00:27:12,180 --> 00:27:14,280
It's either a hundred percent or zero.

445
00:27:14,610 --> 00:27:15,570
You lost a child or you did.

446
00:27:15,570 --> 00:27:16,230
And it was a hundred percent.

447
00:27:16,230 --> 00:27:17,130
We lost our child.

448
00:27:17,790 --> 00:27:22,890
So when it happened, I
obviously was so devastated.

449
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:32,955
And it's something that like last week was
the high holidays for the Jewish religion.

450
00:27:33,015 --> 00:27:33,885
It's called Yom Kippur.

451
00:27:34,575 --> 00:27:37,155
And the rabbi they always have a prayer.

452
00:27:37,155 --> 00:27:41,685
It says it's already written who shall
live, who shall die for the coming year.

453
00:27:42,615 --> 00:27:45,795
And the rabbit made an
interesting comment in his sermon.

454
00:27:45,795 --> 00:27:53,925
He said if five years ago, I told
some of you people in the congregation

455
00:27:54,195 --> 00:27:58,095
that have had horrific loss, that
this was going to happen to you.

456
00:27:59,310 --> 00:28:01,710
You would have told me I can't go on.

457
00:28:01,740 --> 00:28:03,420
I would never be able to survive that.

458
00:28:03,990 --> 00:28:09,300
And he goes, but you had the loss you
have going on and you're survived.

459
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:15,300
So when it first happens, you don't
think you are able to survive.

460
00:28:15,300 --> 00:28:19,260
And then when you realize you
have to survive as a tribute

461
00:28:19,260 --> 00:28:20,370
to your lost, loved one.

462
00:28:22,005 --> 00:28:25,695
But it sort of changed for me
that I know thinking about Matt.

463
00:28:26,325 --> 00:28:32,685
It can take you to that time where you
just feel that we're, they have a loss,

464
00:28:32,985 --> 00:28:41,805
but on the other hand, I like the laughter
all the funny stories, all the interesting

465
00:28:41,805 --> 00:28:47,895
things he was doing, all the conversations
about philosophy and the origins of the

466
00:28:47,895 --> 00:28:53,935
universe and, and the cosmic meaning
of some Beatles song  seriously.

467
00:28:54,045 --> 00:28:55,305
I don't want to lose that.

468
00:28:55,725 --> 00:28:58,665
And so it's all sort of
bundled up in the same package.

469
00:28:59,085 --> 00:29:04,425
So I'm almost saying I'm flying
with paying the price when

470
00:29:04,425 --> 00:29:07,455
you get that wave of grief.

471
00:29:07,455 --> 00:29:10,335
Like it just, you know, Steve,
I've talked about this before that.

472
00:29:11,670 --> 00:29:15,300
I guess the time goes on, you can
tell me more, probably more than I can

473
00:29:15,300 --> 00:29:16,710
tell you, because you're farther out.

474
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:21,510
The frequency of the waves become
less, but the wave height doesn't

475
00:29:21,510 --> 00:29:24,060
change when you,  I get hit with a
grievance, but over two years now, it's

476
00:29:24,060 --> 00:29:28,560
like it just happened, but I'm willing
to pay that price to sort of get the

477
00:29:29,250 --> 00:29:36,810
good feeling of the laughter and the
love and the, um, sense of oneness.

478
00:29:37,950 --> 00:29:38,970
That I still have.

479
00:29:39,990 --> 00:29:41,340
Does this make any sense at all?

480
00:29:41,340 --> 00:29:42,870
I mean, do you do to
have that feeling at all?

481
00:29:43,310 --> 00:29:44,480
Bethany Adams: It makes a lot of sense.

482
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:50,660
I really, I appreciate that perspective
a lot because I think that is, that is a

483
00:29:50,660 --> 00:29:57,830
part that I, with my more natural tendency
to avoid going to that place, I do lose

484
00:29:57,890 --> 00:30:06,440
that, that sense of really that sense of
just remembering him in a more full way.

485
00:30:07,215 --> 00:30:12,765
Remembering, you know how his sense
of humor, remembering the times we

486
00:30:12,765 --> 00:30:18,075
laughed and just having those more
clear memories and letting those come

487
00:30:18,075 --> 00:30:24,705
into my mind with that, like you said,
it goes together, you really remember

488
00:30:24,705 --> 00:30:29,985
the joy and then you feel the pain
because, because the joy was so good.

489
00:30:30,775 --> 00:30:31,665
Marshall Adler: RIght

490
00:30:31,919 --> 00:30:34,200
Bethany Adams: So it makes,
that makes a lot of sense.

491
00:30:35,629 --> 00:30:45,080
Marshall Adler: How have you been able to
talk to other people that lost siblings?

492
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:51,080
Because you know, my, my son, David
had a real interesting comment.

493
00:30:51,290 --> 00:30:53,240
He lost his brother, just like you did.

494
00:30:53,780 --> 00:30:58,350
And he said that he knows
when parents lose a child.

495
00:30:59,220 --> 00:31:03,990
The natural inclination is to give
all the sympathy to the parents

496
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:11,190
and the sibling hopefully will live
decades longer than the parents.

497
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:17,430
And we'll be grieving this loss
decades longer than the parents.

498
00:31:18,030 --> 00:31:24,870
And also, you know, he mentioned that
he would love to have his children meet.

499
00:31:25,230 --> 00:31:28,710
Is really, he's not married, doesn't
have children, but in the future

500
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:31,290
to meet his really funny brother.

501
00:31:31,290 --> 00:31:35,370
And they're funny, uncle Matt,
because he'd be a great uncle,

502
00:31:35,430 --> 00:31:38,460
he'd be loving, he'd be hilarious.

503
00:31:38,730 --> 00:31:44,550
And he'd be a good time uncle to have,
and that's never going to happen.

504
00:31:45,900 --> 00:31:49,380
And that is something that
I think siblings who lost

505
00:31:50,700 --> 00:31:53,429
siblings would connect with it.

506
00:31:53,439 --> 00:31:54,450
Am I right about that?

507
00:31:55,250 --> 00:31:55,820
Bethany Adams: Absolutely.

508
00:31:55,820 --> 00:32:00,030
I think the way I've heard it phrase,
it's a loss of an entire lifetime.

509
00:32:00,030 --> 00:32:03,409
You just assume that you're going
to have an entity know, especially

510
00:32:03,409 --> 00:32:07,580
with the sibling that's as close in
age as Hudson was to me, you assume

511
00:32:07,580 --> 00:32:12,200
that you're going to go through these
stages of life together and that yeah.

512
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:17,060
That your kids are gonna know, you know,
have him as an uncle and I'm going to

513
00:32:17,060 --> 00:32:19,399
be an aunt to his nieces and nephew.

514
00:32:19,460 --> 00:32:23,520
I mean, to his kids anD uh, yeah.

515
00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:26,460
And to traveling, you know, that's
another thing, cause I really did.

516
00:32:26,460 --> 00:32:28,100
I enjoyed traveling with him.

517
00:32:28,620 --> 00:32:31,629
There were a lot of things
that we enjoy doing together.

518
00:32:33,500 --> 00:32:36,390
So it it's, it's, it's not
something you think about maybe

519
00:32:36,390 --> 00:32:39,180
even less so than, uh, I don't know.

520
00:32:39,180 --> 00:32:43,500
It's, I've never been a parent, so
I, I can't speak for parents, but I

521
00:32:43,500 --> 00:32:48,510
would assume that siblings probably
think even less of the possibility of

522
00:32:48,510 --> 00:32:53,250
losing their perfectly healthy sibling.

523
00:32:54,650 --> 00:32:55,160
Marshall Adler: Right.

524
00:32:55,700 --> 00:32:57,380
Do you talk to your
parents about that at all?

525
00:32:59,570 --> 00:33:04,880
About the loss of what you expect
it to happen, but won't happen

526
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:08,510
now because of the passing.

527
00:33:09,110 --> 00:33:14,700
I mean, it's, it's like the
loss of realized potential, you

528
00:33:14,700 --> 00:33:15,990
know, everybody's got potential.

529
00:33:15,990 --> 00:33:19,320
Some people realize that some people
don't and when you have a child

530
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:23,700
or brother or whatever, you just
see, well, this is the potential.

531
00:33:23,700 --> 00:33:28,530
And you want to see how life turns out
to see where their potentials resets.

532
00:33:28,860 --> 00:33:30,390
So by life sort of fascinating.

533
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:35,830
And when you lose somebody, you
don't even get to experience that.

534
00:33:36,460 --> 00:33:36,640
Bethany Adams: Yeah

535
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:41,415
Marshall Adler: And as a parent, That
is a huge factor for me because I,

536
00:33:42,975 --> 00:33:44,685
again, Steve and I become very close.

537
00:33:46,574 --> 00:33:47,834
We both lost sons.

538
00:33:48,604 --> 00:33:55,215
Jordan was 11 and Matt was 32 and
I did see Matt turned into a man.

539
00:33:55,425 --> 00:33:58,514
He lived a full life.

540
00:33:58,574 --> 00:34:03,645
It was just too darn short,
where unfortunately, Jordan

541
00:34:04,064 --> 00:34:06,764
didn't have that opportunity.

542
00:34:07,334 --> 00:34:11,445
So, as a parent, I really feel that
you talk to your parents about that

543
00:34:11,445 --> 00:34:15,134
at all, about your sense of loss
from the standpoint of a sibling

544
00:34:16,395 --> 00:34:18,855
potential that will not be realized.

545
00:34:20,045 --> 00:34:22,264
Bethany Adams: Yeah, I think,
you know, I, I don't know that

546
00:34:22,264 --> 00:34:24,784
I've had any extended co I've.

547
00:34:24,815 --> 00:34:27,275
I think I've mentioned
that before to them.

548
00:34:27,784 --> 00:34:30,545
And I do a lot of my
processing through writing.

549
00:34:30,545 --> 00:34:37,324
So as you guys know already, and so I do.

550
00:34:37,324 --> 00:34:39,480
I'm an internal processor for sure.

551
00:34:40,279 --> 00:34:44,279
So I do a lot of thinking about
that and I have mentioned it to

552
00:34:44,279 --> 00:34:46,049
my parents, maybe not in depth.

553
00:34:46,739 --> 00:34:51,449
Um, but I do a lot of thinking about,
I mean, really even imagining him,

554
00:34:51,449 --> 00:34:56,850
like, I don't know, sitting, sitting
across from me at the table and us, you

555
00:34:56,850 --> 00:34:58,200
know, what would we be talking about?

556
00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:00,210
What would, what would he be doing now?

557
00:35:00,210 --> 00:35:05,295
What, would he be, would he
have a girlfriend and what,

558
00:35:06,885 --> 00:35:08,444
what, what would be happening?

559
00:35:08,884 --> 00:35:15,645
And just because we are, we were in
such a similar life stage, I can kind

560
00:35:15,645 --> 00:35:17,565
of imagine what he might've been doing.

561
00:35:17,565 --> 00:35:23,295
And it's just, yeah, that's a,
that is a hard thing to cope with.

562
00:35:24,705 --> 00:35:29,245
Just, just to know that
that, that was lost.

563
00:35:29,845 --> 00:35:29,985
Marshall Adler: RIght

564
00:35:29,985 --> 00:35:34,950
Bethany Adams: And I think I've gone
through so many transitions since,

565
00:35:35,820 --> 00:35:39,990
since my brother's death, even over
four years, I've graduated college.

566
00:35:39,990 --> 00:35:45,000
I studied abroad in another country
and then I have had two different

567
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,100
jobs out of school already.

568
00:35:47,100 --> 00:35:52,080
So I've gone through all these
transitions and I can imagine the

569
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:54,750
transitions he would have gone through
and the things he would have done

570
00:35:54,750 --> 00:35:56,190
in the ways he would have changed.

571
00:35:56,190 --> 00:36:00,390
And you know, sometimes I just
wish I could just tell them about

572
00:36:00,390 --> 00:36:01,550
what's going on in my life...

573
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:02,070
Marshall Adler: RIght, right

574
00:36:02,070 --> 00:36:06,300
Bethany Adams: or reminisce on our
trip or, cause we used to do that.

575
00:36:06,330 --> 00:36:07,470
We used to sit here.

576
00:36:07,860 --> 00:36:12,600
I remember doing it that summer before,
uh, before he went off to camp, we

577
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:16,980
sat and we reminisced for like two
hours one night about our, our France

578
00:36:16,980 --> 00:36:23,325
trip, just because it was too muc
such a memorable time for both of us.

579
00:36:23,325 --> 00:36:28,935
And we did a lot of, we kind of shared
a similar sense of humor, just a lot of

580
00:36:28,935 --> 00:36:33,375
observing people and just kind of, kind
of finding the funny little things and

581
00:36:34,605 --> 00:36:38,535
in everyday life, especially when you,
when you go to another culture, uh, to

582
00:36:38,535 --> 00:36:42,195
another country and you don't speak the
language and kind of navigating through

583
00:36:42,195 --> 00:36:44,205
that makes for a lot of funny memories.

584
00:36:44,205 --> 00:36:44,775
So we,

585
00:36:45,805 --> 00:36:46,345
Steve Smelski: I bet

586
00:36:46,755 --> 00:36:46,995
Bethany Adams: yeah.

587
00:36:47,725 --> 00:36:52,935
So you were closer to, uh, Hudson than
you were to Benjamin and Noel, right?

588
00:36:52,995 --> 00:36:57,765
So were you two, did you like
lean on each other all the time?

589
00:36:57,915 --> 00:36:59,325
How's that been since?

590
00:37:00,575 --> 00:37:05,075
Yeah, I would say maybe I'm close to
all my siblings in a different way.

591
00:37:06,395 --> 00:37:10,595
So like there's not one that I, I I'm
giving a politically correct answer.

592
00:37:10,595 --> 00:37:15,425
It's not meant to be that, but, but it
really, I, I really do feel this way.

593
00:37:16,185 --> 00:37:22,125
Because me and Benjamin were closer when
we were younger and now we've gotten

594
00:37:22,125 --> 00:37:26,595
closer again, but for that kind of teenage
period where we've got very different

595
00:37:26,595 --> 00:37:31,365
personalities, he likes conflict I
don't, you know, those kinds of things.

596
00:37:31,365 --> 00:37:35,985
So it's kind of like a personality
clash, but me and Benjamin.

597
00:37:35,985 --> 00:37:38,145
Hudson was always very mellow like me.

598
00:37:38,145 --> 00:37:39,675
So it never was a problem.

599
00:37:40,605 --> 00:37:43,785
But when, when me and Benjamin
were younger, we were closer

600
00:37:44,295 --> 00:37:48,795
because we were,  we were older,
maybe more similar in maturity.

601
00:37:48,795 --> 00:37:52,815
Hudson was kind of a goofy little kid.

602
00:37:52,815 --> 00:37:56,985
And so I guess when we were younger,
it was always kinda me and Benjamin

603
00:37:56,985 --> 00:37:58,245
were the older, more mature ones.

604
00:37:58,245 --> 00:38:01,125
And then Hudson was kind
of the younger sibling.

605
00:38:02,535 --> 00:38:06,645
And then I would say I'm very, I'm
definitely very close with my sister too,

606
00:38:06,645 --> 00:38:08,145
but it's just a different relationship.

607
00:38:08,145 --> 00:38:13,365
It's almost feels a little more
sometimes I feel more maternal with her.

608
00:38:13,365 --> 00:38:13,695
Like.

609
00:38:14,615 --> 00:38:16,500
ust because I'm so much older than her.

610
00:38:16,500 --> 00:38:20,430
And I remember her being born and I
would take care of her when she was a

611
00:38:20,430 --> 00:38:24,180
baby, you know, just like it's different.

612
00:38:24,630 --> 00:38:24,900
Steve Smelski: Yeah.

613
00:38:25,380 --> 00:38:27,450
Bethany Adams: But me and
Hudson were more peers.

614
00:38:28,890 --> 00:38:33,120
We were, we were in the same,
really in the same stage.

615
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:40,590
And so I think maybe we related more
as far as just life experience and

616
00:38:40,590 --> 00:38:47,880
we related on personality, just how
we, how we interact with people.

617
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:52,860
And we were just both kind of mellow kind
of easygoing, like, so that's what I mean.

618
00:38:52,870 --> 00:38:54,230
It's really good travel buddies.

619
00:38:54,959 --> 00:38:55,310
Marshall Adler: Wow.

620
00:38:55,740 --> 00:38:55,910
Bethany Adams: Yeah.

621
00:38:56,300 --> 00:38:56,630
Yeah.

622
00:38:57,380 --> 00:38:58,940
Marshall Adler: How do
you think you've changed?

623
00:39:00,140 --> 00:39:05,690
Obviously, you know, when you mentioned
your parents, I could relate to that

624
00:39:05,690 --> 00:39:11,595
because you know, I've said this
multiple times that when you lose a

625
00:39:11,595 --> 00:39:16,484
child, the person that existed before
that is just not there anymore.

626
00:39:16,875 --> 00:39:19,814
You can't say, Oh, I lost
a child on the same person.

627
00:39:20,444 --> 00:39:25,154
You're not, it's just you,
you, you were going to change.

628
00:39:25,154 --> 00:39:26,475
It doesn't mean you can't leave.

629
00:39:26,895 --> 00:39:33,075
Lead a happy, productive, meaningful,
significant life, helping people,

630
00:39:33,075 --> 00:39:35,835
helping your loved ones, helping
yourself and helping humanity.

631
00:39:37,049 --> 00:39:40,560
And making your life attribute, your
lost loved one, but it's different.

632
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:45,990
So I know how it's different
as a parent that loses a child.

633
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:47,190
How is it different?

634
00:39:47,190 --> 00:39:52,320
You seem like such a nice person and
you do seem very mellow and you're,

635
00:39:52,350 --> 00:39:57,540
you know, we just met 45 minutes ago
and I always feel like you're a very

636
00:39:57,540 --> 00:40:01,050
easy person to talk to and very open.

637
00:40:01,350 --> 00:40:06,360
So I don't know how you've changed, but
if I I'd be interested in how you have

638
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:09,210
changed since the passing of your brother.

639
00:40:10,130 --> 00:40:10,760
Bethany Adams: Yeah.

640
00:40:10,790 --> 00:40:12,560
So that's, that's an interesting question.

641
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:16,460
I have one, one way that I've changed
that I very much can identify.

642
00:40:16,935 --> 00:40:20,924
But before I talk about that, it's,
it's interesting losing a sibling.

643
00:40:20,955 --> 00:40:25,335
As in, like I was talking about all the
transitions I've gone through since like

644
00:40:25,754 --> 00:40:30,404
in such a transitory period of your life
when you are already changing and like

645
00:40:30,404 --> 00:40:39,254
having that as a part of our, a big part
of already going through changing period,

646
00:40:39,254 --> 00:40:44,984
you know, it's just, it's just an added,
an added part of becoming who you're

647
00:40:46,049 --> 00:40:52,770
going to be, but I think the very, very
distinct way that I changed, um, I used

648
00:40:52,770 --> 00:40:58,650
to be extremely focused on my academics.

649
00:40:58,650 --> 00:41:01,080
I absolutely must make all A's.

650
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:02,310
I would just stress myself.

651
00:41:02,339 --> 00:41:06,660
I mean, just really, really stress
myself out over that to the point

652
00:41:06,660 --> 00:41:13,560
where I didn't let myself enjoy,
uh, it just enjoy life sometimes.

653
00:41:14,205 --> 00:41:17,295
Like I remember my first two years
of college before this happened,

654
00:41:17,775 --> 00:41:21,435
it was just like, my focus
was just different in general.

655
00:41:21,435 --> 00:41:24,855
My, my view on life, it was like, I
need to be successful and I need to

656
00:41:24,855 --> 00:41:30,175
achieve, and I need to, to make all A's
and it was kind of the end all be all.

657
00:41:30,695 --> 00:41:31,275
Marshall Adler: mmhmm

658
00:41:32,785 --> 00:41:36,015
Bethany Adams: And I don't think that
I completely didn't have any other

659
00:41:36,045 --> 00:41:41,415
values in my life, but it's just,
that just felt really important.

660
00:41:42,375 --> 00:41:44,775
And I think this, this happening.

661
00:41:44,805 --> 00:41:48,855
I mean, of course I still, still
wanted to do well, but I realized

662
00:41:48,855 --> 00:41:55,175
like, who cares if I make a, B you
know, like life is to be enjoyed.

663
00:41:56,095 --> 00:41:56,515
Marshall Adler: RIght

664
00:41:56,685 --> 00:41:57,855
Bethany Adams: You know,
what's, what's the point.

665
00:41:57,855 --> 00:42:02,295
If I'm just, I come home for C and
I remember the spring break before

666
00:42:02,295 --> 00:42:08,295
he, you know, I have a lot of regrets
about this.He was playing baseball.

667
00:42:08,295 --> 00:42:09,495
And I remember I miss out on him.

668
00:42:09,654 --> 00:42:10,634
I didn't do anything.

669
00:42:10,665 --> 00:42:14,055
I came home and I studied for a week.

670
00:42:14,085 --> 00:42:18,525
I didn't, I didn't even try
to spend time with anyone.

671
00:42:18,525 --> 00:42:22,395
I just was like, I need to study
and looking back, I, I can tell

672
00:42:22,395 --> 00:42:26,265
you that I did not need to do that,
but that I just felt so important.

673
00:42:26,265 --> 00:42:27,345
That was my priority.

674
00:42:27,345 --> 00:42:29,504
And so I think my priorities changed.

675
00:42:29,865 --> 00:42:32,234
My priorities have shifted to, okay.

676
00:42:32,234 --> 00:42:37,125
If something is taking me completely
away from being able to enjoy life, being

677
00:42:37,125 --> 00:42:43,305
able to spend quality time with people
and being able to go on trips, you know,

678
00:42:43,305 --> 00:42:48,165
like I just got, went on and be out in
nature and all those things that really,

679
00:42:48,555 --> 00:42:53,565
you know, I think at the end of your
life, You look back on that and you,

680
00:42:53,605 --> 00:43:01,185
you don't regret that, but you do regret
maybe the times where you neglected that.

681
00:43:02,495 --> 00:43:07,725
Anyway,  I just think all of those
things are really I've my focus has

682
00:43:07,725 --> 00:43:15,795
really shifted to being more focused
on what are the things that are going

683
00:43:15,795 --> 00:43:23,460
to make my life meaningful versus just
what's going to make me look good.

684
00:43:24,240 --> 00:43:29,370
Basically, basically, that was kind of my
focus at that point in my life and in high

685
00:43:29,370 --> 00:43:31,290
school too, I was very achievement driven.

686
00:43:32,340 --> 00:43:38,100
So the next two years of college, I
actually found, I just enjoyed myself so

687
00:43:38,100 --> 00:43:47,150
much more because I just had a different
perspective So and I had just, I was able

688
00:43:47,150 --> 00:43:56,310
to let myself, let go of like, I need to
do everything perfectly because I, I guess

689
00:43:56,310 --> 00:44:01,830
I realized that's not what, what matters,
like looking back me coming home and

690
00:44:01,830 --> 00:44:04,440
spending the whole spring break studying.

691
00:44:05,490 --> 00:44:11,040
I regret that,  I regret doing
that instead of just letting myself

692
00:44:11,970 --> 00:44:15,060
enjoy some time with my family and
go to my brother's baseball games.

693
00:44:15,060 --> 00:44:16,410
And so....

694
00:44:17,850 --> 00:44:20,730
Marshall Adler: it's interesting you
mentioned that because, you know, as a

695
00:44:20,730 --> 00:44:29,460
lawyer, deferred gratification is sort
of in our DNA, you know, there's an old

696
00:44:29,460 --> 00:44:32,190
saying that the law is a jealous mistress.

697
00:44:32,955 --> 00:44:34,845
Like, and I didn't make that up.

698
00:44:34,875 --> 00:44:38,325
It's an old, old, old saying
because there's always more work

699
00:44:38,825 --> 00:44:40,294
amd  I didn't make that up okay.

700
00:44:40,625 --> 00:44:45,004
But my wife wouldn't like that,
but there's always more work to do.

701
00:44:45,694 --> 00:44:51,814
There's always another case to deal with
an I've seen lawyers work seven days

702
00:44:51,814 --> 00:44:55,745
a week in the office working at night.

703
00:44:55,865 --> 00:45:00,305
And I decided I went to law
school at Duke , Duke law school.

704
00:45:01,004 --> 00:45:04,725
Very intense place, great
basketball, but very intense.

705
00:45:05,805 --> 00:45:06,944
I ended up loving it there.

706
00:45:07,185 --> 00:45:13,935
And like you, I sort of reached the
point where I said, I'll do the best I

707
00:45:13,935 --> 00:45:20,790
can, but I can't defer gratification,
because again, nobody on their death

708
00:45:20,790 --> 00:45:24,690
bed is going to say, boy, I wish I put
more hours in the office who cares?

709
00:45:24,810 --> 00:45:25,740
It's irrelevant.

710
00:45:25,770 --> 00:45:26,670
All that money.

711
00:45:26,670 --> 00:45:27,750
It's transitory.

712
00:45:28,110 --> 00:45:29,520
You're not taking it with you.

713
00:45:29,970 --> 00:45:33,120
The most important thing
are not things,  it's time.

714
00:45:33,570 --> 00:45:41,490
And when you lose a close loved one, you
realize we're all here for a short time.

715
00:45:42,060 --> 00:45:43,590
You better make it a good time.

716
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:46,350
And you know, I've talked this before.

717
00:45:46,350 --> 00:45:52,290
My father lived to 93, he was a, B
-24 Bombardier during world war two.

718
00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:57,990
He did 51 missions in the Pacific
theater against the Japanese,  could

719
00:45:57,990 --> 00:46:02,310
have died , god knows how many times,
but he was the happiest guy in the world

720
00:46:03,060 --> 00:46:04,470
because he just was present oriented.

721
00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:08,220
He, whenever he wanted, we
went to football games from

722
00:46:08,220 --> 00:46:09,930
Buffalo, big Buffalo bills fans.

723
00:46:10,260 --> 00:46:10,800
I watched.

724
00:46:11,145 --> 00:46:14,595
Bill's game with him, even though it
Alzheimer's to the end of his life.

725
00:46:14,625 --> 00:46:15,345
And he loved it.

726
00:46:15,345 --> 00:46:17,715
It was just time to watch the Bills.

727
00:46:17,985 --> 00:46:19,035
Let's watch the game.

728
00:46:19,935 --> 00:46:21,165
Everything else was irrelevant.

729
00:46:21,435 --> 00:46:22,665
Just have fun with the game.

730
00:46:23,265 --> 00:46:26,865
And he knew he was dying from
Alzheimer's, but that wouldn't

731
00:46:26,865 --> 00:46:30,795
prevent him from enjoying the game
because he was present oriented.

732
00:46:31,245 --> 00:46:36,105
And I think there's a illusion and
delusion that you can have saying, Oh,

733
00:46:36,105 --> 00:46:40,710
if I do this, this and this correctly
and I'm the best lawyer or best nurse

734
00:46:40,710 --> 00:46:44,520
or whatever, then I can deal with these
other things and we'll all be fine.

735
00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:45,540
I can control that.

736
00:46:45,570 --> 00:46:46,440
It'll be no problem.

737
00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:47,460
I'll get to it when I get to it.

738
00:46:48,450 --> 00:46:50,550
You can't, there's no control.

739
00:46:51,060 --> 00:46:53,160
You didn't know you're
gonna lose your brother.

740
00:46:53,190 --> 00:46:53,690
I didn't know.

741
00:46:53,820 --> 00:46:58,710
It was my son, Steven knows to
lose his son and that's life.

742
00:46:58,740 --> 00:47:01,500
And, and, and, you know,
we're talking to people now

743
00:47:02,220 --> 00:47:04,620
throughout the whole world that.

744
00:47:05,115 --> 00:47:08,265
I've probably experienced that and
some people might be listening to

745
00:47:08,265 --> 00:47:13,305
this right now that hopefully they'll
understand it may not have happened

746
00:47:13,305 --> 00:47:19,155
to them yet, but it could, and it will
like we're in the middle of a worldwide

747
00:47:19,155 --> 00:47:21,255
pandemic and preaching the choir here.

748
00:47:21,255 --> 00:47:27,435
You're a nurse, you know this and you
talk about unexpected loss and people

749
00:47:27,435 --> 00:47:31,755
not realizing, Oh, I could've should've
would've spent more time with this person.

750
00:47:31,755 --> 00:47:32,685
Cause they're gone now.

751
00:47:33,825 --> 00:47:36,330
That's applies to everybody.

752
00:47:36,330 --> 00:47:40,740
So I think the lesson you
learned is a great lesson and

753
00:47:40,740 --> 00:47:41,940
some people never learn it.

754
00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:45,540
And it's wonderful that you have
learned as a young age because you

755
00:47:45,550 --> 00:47:49,740
got along, hopefully, you know,
healthy life, life ahead of you.

756
00:47:50,130 --> 00:47:55,500
And that's a lesson that will be
with you for the rest of your life.

757
00:47:55,500 --> 00:47:58,140
But I think it's a really
important lesson to take with you.

758
00:47:58,350 --> 00:47:59,790
So I commend you for doing that.

759
00:48:01,290 --> 00:48:01,830
Bethany Adams: Yes.

760
00:48:02,565 --> 00:48:07,515
So I, I am very thankful to have
to have learned that lesson.

761
00:48:07,515 --> 00:48:13,905
Cause I just, I look back on, on how I
was before and how kind of miserable I

762
00:48:13,905 --> 00:48:17,255
would make myself over trying to achieve.

763
00:48:17,255 --> 00:48:17,465
And

764
00:48:18,235 --> 00:48:18,585
Marshall Adler: RIght

765
00:48:19,495 --> 00:48:21,945
Bethany Adams: I think I could, I
could still be like that with my

766
00:48:21,945 --> 00:48:24,915
job, you know, working a lot of
overtime or just trying to make

767
00:48:24,915 --> 00:48:27,795
more money or whatever it is, but...

768
00:48:29,005 --> 00:48:30,195
Marshall Adler: You know my father.

769
00:48:32,174 --> 00:48:33,165
It just was a funny guy.

770
00:48:33,165 --> 00:48:37,845
And I remember on my first
year in law school, I just told

771
00:48:37,845 --> 00:48:41,265
my dad, I said, I hate this.

772
00:48:41,265 --> 00:48:43,585
I'm just working 24/7.

773
00:48:44,145 --> 00:48:47,654
And I go, is this what I'm
gonna do for the next 60 years?

774
00:48:48,165 --> 00:48:53,085
And he goes, don't work
24/7, do the best you can.

775
00:48:53,774 --> 00:48:57,975
And as long as you don't throw
you out, don't worry about it.

776
00:48:58,544 --> 00:49:01,064
And as it turns out, nobody
gets thrown out of law school.

777
00:49:01,064 --> 00:49:04,904
If you do any type of work
that they ask you to do.

778
00:49:05,564 --> 00:49:12,194
And he said, he goes, you know where you
end up with your class ranking, who cares?

779
00:49:12,375 --> 00:49:15,585
It's like I practiced for 40 years.

780
00:49:16,650 --> 00:49:19,410
Nobody asked me, where
was my class ranking?

781
00:49:19,890 --> 00:49:21,660
Can I help them with their problem.

782
00:49:22,350 --> 00:49:25,920
With you at the hospital to some
patients say, well, what did

783
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:27,220
you get in biochemistry grade?

784
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:28,900
Bethany Adams: hahahaah Right, No,

785
00:49:28,900 --> 00:49:29,870
Marshall Adler: Nobody cares.

786
00:49:29,870 --> 00:49:32,270
Nobody knows you're there,
there to help people.

787
00:49:32,660 --> 00:49:37,340
And I think that's the lesson to learn.

788
00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:40,730
And when you lose a loved
one, I think you realize.

789
00:49:41,820 --> 00:49:45,690
You're the most important things in life
are not things it's loved ones in time.

790
00:49:47,820 --> 00:49:48,720
Bethany Adams: Exactly right.

791
00:49:50,630 --> 00:49:51,140
Steve Smelski: Amen.

792
00:49:52,009 --> 00:49:56,919
So Bethany, your dad sent me a
link to a song that you wrote.

793
00:49:57,220 --> 00:49:57,640
Bethany Adams: mmmhmm

794
00:49:58,210 --> 00:50:01,130
Steve Smelski: I actually sat right there
and watched it three times righ  in a

795
00:50:01,130 --> 00:50:07,340
row because the camera is focused on
you and Hudson's in the background and

796
00:50:07,940 --> 00:50:10,380
you called the song Friend Like You.

797
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:11,760
Bethany Adams: mmhmm

798
00:50:13,140 --> 00:50:15,520
Steve Smelski: Did you
write it about Hudson?

799
00:50:15,980 --> 00:50:16,940
Bethany Adams: I didn't did i what?

800
00:50:16,940 --> 00:50:19,650
Steve Smelski: I, I called, I
called your dad back to find out.

801
00:50:19,650 --> 00:50:22,560
Cause I said, I was looking at
the look on his face and it was

802
00:50:22,560 --> 00:50:24,780
like he realized during the song.

803
00:50:25,590 --> 00:50:25,820
Bethany Adams: Yeah

804
00:50:25,970 --> 00:50:27,120
Steve Smelski: And so I wanted to ask.

805
00:50:27,950 --> 00:50:31,760
Bethany Adams: Yeah, so I actually, I
wrote that song about another friend who,

806
00:50:31,790 --> 00:50:34,940
um, has been a lifelong friend for me.

807
00:50:34,940 --> 00:50:38,150
That was kind of what was on
my mind when I wrote the song.

808
00:50:38,895 --> 00:50:44,925
But it's really symbolic, especially
watching that video now, it really does

809
00:50:44,925 --> 00:50:48,555
truly feel symbolic to me, of me and
Hudson's relationship because music was

810
00:50:48,555 --> 00:50:50,985
another thing that we really bonded over.

811
00:50:50,985 --> 00:50:52,145
He played the guitar.

812
00:50:52,525 --> 00:50:56,175
We both played piano, but I
played piano more, more so, and

813
00:50:56,175 --> 00:50:58,565
he was more into his guitar.

814
00:50:58,835 --> 00:51:01,425
So that is something that
we really bonded over to.

815
00:51:01,455 --> 00:51:05,355
So to watch that video, to hear the
words, and where does that really do

816
00:51:05,625 --> 00:51:11,730
describe you know, kind of our friendship
as brother and sister  and then to

817
00:51:11,730 --> 00:51:18,690
see us doing something we love to do
together, it's really, really meaningful.

818
00:51:20,130 --> 00:51:26,420
So I'm, I'm really thankful that that,
that got videoed thankful for my dad.

819
00:51:26,420 --> 00:51:27,730
Steve Smelski: It's a great video

820
00:51:27,730 --> 00:51:27,810
Bethany Adams: Yeah

821
00:51:27,810 --> 00:51:31,589
Steve Smelski: It's awesome,
but it, it really took me.

822
00:51:31,589 --> 00:51:35,459
I went back and I called your dad
and I said, look at, I think it

823
00:51:35,459 --> 00:51:39,060
was like 48 seconds that said,
Hudson's looking at Bethany.

824
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:41,939
And it's like, he's trying to
decide if the song is about him.

825
00:51:42,750 --> 00:51:44,160
I never noticed that.

826
00:51:44,939 --> 00:51:48,720
And so I didn't know if that was the
case or not, but I think it dawned on

827
00:51:48,720 --> 00:51:50,319
him as you guys were playing together.

828
00:51:50,689 --> 00:51:50,990
Bethany Adams: Yeah.

829
00:51:51,499 --> 00:51:51,660
Yeah

830
00:51:51,660 --> 00:51:53,980
Steve Smelski: Because it  did
fit for the two of you as well.

831
00:51:54,190 --> 00:51:56,595
Bethany Adams: Yes and
he, it was interesting.

832
00:51:56,595 --> 00:52:01,935
I remember that I remember cause he would
come and he would try to like, so I would

833
00:52:01,935 --> 00:52:09,015
be playing, but he would be figuring out
the chords and everything, uh, while I was

834
00:52:09,015 --> 00:52:12,585
playing and kind of just join right on in.

835
00:52:12,975 --> 00:52:15,105
So that was always, so it
was always a lot of fun.

836
00:52:15,815 --> 00:52:20,115
I remembe  having lots of,
lots of moments like that.

837
00:52:20,115 --> 00:52:23,045
And he had another friend who
played at trombone, so....

838
00:52:23,225 --> 00:52:24,855
Steve Smelski: Oh wow

839
00:52:24,895 --> 00:52:28,395
Bethany Adams: We would play
trombone, piano, and guitar together.

840
00:52:28,395 --> 00:52:34,425
And I remember just, we had,
we had some fun times, so yeah.

841
00:52:35,285 --> 00:52:35,915
Marshall Adler: Music's great.

842
00:52:35,915 --> 00:52:39,485
Like that, it's the universal connection.

843
00:52:39,725 --> 00:52:40,155
Bethany Adams: Yeah.

844
00:52:40,155 --> 00:52:40,515
Yeah.

845
00:52:41,105 --> 00:52:45,455
Marshall Adler: It's just, you
know, I think about both Matt.

846
00:52:46,650 --> 00:52:49,140
I was a huge Beatle fan,
Matt was a huge Beatles fan.

847
00:52:49,380 --> 00:52:50,520
We have connection there.

848
00:52:50,820 --> 00:52:52,200
He had other musical tastes.

849
00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:53,960
I never heard of couldn't get into.

850
00:52:54,370 --> 00:52:54,840
Bethany Adams: "Laughs"

851
00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:59,490
Marshall Adler: Never would like, but
we had an intersection our whole lives.

852
00:52:59,490 --> 00:53:02,970
And it's something that you'll have
as a memory, which is just wonderful

853
00:53:02,970 --> 00:53:05,670
because I mean, music takes you places.

854
00:53:07,230 --> 00:53:09,870
Emotionally, intellectually
it's, it's wonderful like that.

855
00:53:09,990 --> 00:53:11,070
It just transports you.

856
00:53:11,770 --> 00:53:12,460
Bethany Adams: Absolutely.

857
00:53:13,250 --> 00:53:13,830
Absolutely

858
00:53:13,970 --> 00:53:17,130
Marshall Adler: Are you still playing
music and writing and singing and doing

859
00:53:18,150 --> 00:53:22,970
Bethany Adams: Well, I haven't been doing
as much, uh, writing as I used to do.

860
00:53:23,420 --> 00:53:26,630
Um, but I do, I do like to
play the piano a lot still.

861
00:53:26,630 --> 00:53:29,900
I, I played a lot of classical
piano in high school and I just

862
00:53:29,900 --> 00:53:31,970
really don't want to lose that.

863
00:53:32,210 --> 00:53:36,839
Cause, cause I just feel like you
know, just thinking about like,

864
00:53:36,839 --> 00:53:38,310
okay, what makes my life meaningful?

865
00:53:38,310 --> 00:53:42,899
What, what is going to make,
just make for a meaningful life.

866
00:53:42,899 --> 00:53:47,520
And I think, I think of specific
things, spending time playing

867
00:53:47,520 --> 00:53:50,234
music is really  important for me.

868
00:53:50,234 --> 00:53:54,044
And it, like you said, can really
be a connection with other people

869
00:53:54,524 --> 00:53:56,685
being in nature is another thing.

870
00:53:56,745 --> 00:53:57,974
Just being out

871
00:53:57,974 --> 00:53:59,124
Marshall Adler: Yes, Yes

872
00:53:59,365 --> 00:54:02,825
Bethany Adams: These are all my
best memories revolve around that or

873
00:54:02,924 --> 00:54:04,645
eating together, eating good foods.

874
00:54:04,645 --> 00:54:04,895
Marshall Adler: Yes

875
00:54:04,895 --> 00:54:08,024
Bethany Adams: That's another one, you
know, so I've been thinking more recently

876
00:54:08,024 --> 00:54:14,325
just about what are the specific things
that I want to do more of in my life?

877
00:54:15,045 --> 00:54:19,215
And those, those are three that I can
really pinpoint off the top of my head,

878
00:54:19,215 --> 00:54:25,455
but music is one that I, it would be easy
for me to lose if I didn't, if I didn't

879
00:54:25,785 --> 00:54:31,005
play enough and I don't play enough,
really, but I try to keep up with that.

880
00:54:31,715 --> 00:54:33,395
Marshall Adler: I'm almost
40 years older than you.

881
00:54:33,605 --> 00:54:35,855
And I agree with everything you said.

882
00:54:36,495 --> 00:54:38,015
Food ,music, and nature

883
00:54:38,045 --> 00:54:39,135
Bethany Adams: Yeah, hahahahaha

884
00:54:39,135 --> 00:54:41,145
Marshall Adler: are about three of the
most important things in the world.

885
00:54:41,145 --> 00:54:41,745
Seriously?

886
00:54:42,045 --> 00:54:42,345
Bethany Adams: Yeah.

887
00:54:42,465 --> 00:54:46,305
Marshall Adler: All these other things,
you know the job again, you've got an

888
00:54:46,305 --> 00:54:48,255
important job people depending on you.

889
00:54:48,495 --> 00:54:50,905
I've got an important job people,
depending on me, Steve has an

890
00:54:50,925 --> 00:54:54,375
important job, depending on people,
depending on him, it's all important.

891
00:54:54,735 --> 00:54:58,680
But it's not the most
important aspect of your life.

892
00:54:58,710 --> 00:55:03,270
It is a important part of your life,
but you got to realize there are

893
00:55:03,270 --> 00:55:08,070
other things that truly are more
important and you gotta put those

894
00:55:08,310 --> 00:55:11,910
on the front burner because the
work is always going to be there.

895
00:55:12,180 --> 00:55:17,430
Do the best you can be the  best
nurse  you can help people, but you

896
00:55:17,430 --> 00:55:23,984
want to be eating, having music,
and nature in your life, which is

897
00:55:23,984 --> 00:55:25,455
really, really, really important.

898
00:55:26,015 --> 00:55:28,084
Bethany Adams: Yes, absolutely.

899
00:55:28,805 --> 00:55:31,774
Steve Smelski: I'd like to commend
you for learning 40 years quicker

900
00:55:31,774 --> 00:55:34,374
than me, and what's really important.

901
00:55:34,374 --> 00:55:34,915
Bethany Adams: HAHAHAAHAH

902
00:55:34,915 --> 00:55:36,555
Marshall Adler: You are quicker
on the uptake than we are.

903
00:55:39,544 --> 00:55:40,615
Bethany Adams: Oh man

904
00:55:41,144 --> 00:55:46,865
Marshall Adler: Well, again, I just
want to thank you so much for giving

905
00:55:46,865 --> 00:55:48,875
us insight today because for me.

906
00:55:49,680 --> 00:55:50,009
It's.

907
00:55:51,660 --> 00:55:58,230
I was really looking forward to this
conversation because you've got a

908
00:55:58,230 --> 00:56:00,700
unique perspective that I don't have,

909
00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:01,540
Bethany Adams: Yeah

910
00:56:01,540 --> 00:56:03,540
Marshall Adler: Plus I'll tell you,
I'm not trying to be funny here.

911
00:56:03,540 --> 00:56:07,830
You're an excellent guest, you're very
well-spoken and you're very intelligent.

912
00:56:07,830 --> 00:56:10,109
You're very open.

913
00:56:10,140 --> 00:56:17,220
You're very insightful, which is a
pleasure for me to hear this because

914
00:56:17,220 --> 00:56:20,609
it's just educating me seriously.

915
00:56:20,970 --> 00:56:25,440
You know, I don't want to keep on
learning till I take my last breath.

916
00:56:26,370 --> 00:56:28,410
There's a whole world of
things I don't know about.

917
00:56:28,589 --> 00:56:31,140
And this is something
I want to learn about.

918
00:56:31,140 --> 00:56:35,279
Obviously I lost my son and I want
to learn as much as I can, how

919
00:56:35,279 --> 00:56:36,660
siblings are affected by this.

920
00:56:36,660 --> 00:56:42,350
And having your perspective has
really enlightened me a lot.

921
00:56:42,990 --> 00:56:43,470
Bethany Adams: Thank you

922
00:56:43,470 --> 00:56:46,395
Marshall Adler: So I can't thank
you enough for willing to open

923
00:56:46,395 --> 00:56:47,805
up and be such a great guest.

924
00:56:48,635 --> 00:56:49,475
Bethany Adams: Absolutely.

925
00:56:49,775 --> 00:56:50,975
And yeah thanks again.

926
00:56:51,005 --> 00:56:56,945
Thank you guys for allowing me a platform
to be able to talk about, be able to talk

927
00:56:56,945 --> 00:56:59,435
about this and to share because it's....

928
00:57:00,095 --> 00:57:04,525
Steve Smelski: the pleasure has been
all of ours for having you on and

929
00:57:04,535 --> 00:57:08,005
just coming to share, It's a tough

930
00:57:08,355 --> 00:57:13,725
subject and a tough topic to talk about
sometimes you had said before that

931
00:57:13,725 --> 00:57:19,095
you would allow us to put your writing
reflections about your relationship

932
00:57:19,125 --> 00:57:21,225
with, uh, Hudson on our blog.

933
00:57:21,495 --> 00:57:22,715
Are you okay if we do that,

934
00:57:22,715 --> 00:57:23,835
Bethany Adams: Absolutely

935
00:57:23,835 --> 00:57:26,145
Steve Smelski: Because I'd like
to tell everybody to go ahead

936
00:57:26,145 --> 00:57:27,705
and check it out on the website.

937
00:57:27,734 --> 00:57:30,065
So I think they're going to enjoy it.

938
00:57:30,075 --> 00:57:31,634
Cause I went through it a couple of times.

939
00:57:31,634 --> 00:57:33,015
It was really well-written.

940
00:57:33,585 --> 00:57:35,835
So we'd like to thank you
for coming on today and.

941
00:57:36,655 --> 00:57:41,215
Any, any one last thought that you'd
like to share with us before we sign off

942
00:57:42,795 --> 00:57:43,935
Bethany Adams: One last thought.

943
00:57:44,955 --> 00:57:49,965
No, I think you know that the
conversation, it, it took a turn

944
00:57:49,965 --> 00:57:53,145
that I really, really enjoyed.

945
00:57:53,445 --> 00:57:59,355
Just talking about just the meaning
of life and kind of what , what

946
00:57:59,355 --> 00:58:01,964
matters most, and that's something
I'm really passionate about.

947
00:58:01,964 --> 00:58:05,384
So that's kind of a you know  takeaway
that I would want people to have.

948
00:58:05,444 --> 00:58:10,904
It's just, you know, time with
people, we talked about music,

949
00:58:11,535 --> 00:58:14,504
food, nature, those kinds of things.

950
00:58:14,504 --> 00:58:15,975
Those, those are what matter.

951
00:58:16,424 --> 00:58:20,115
Um, and I really, I really appreciate
that our, that our conversation

952
00:58:20,145 --> 00:58:24,615
that we, we got to talk about
that is really important to me.

953
00:58:25,694 --> 00:58:26,174
Steve Smelski: Well, thank you.

954
00:58:26,174 --> 00:58:27,315
Marshall Adler: It's important to me also

955
00:58:27,425 --> 00:58:28,955
Steve Smelski: It meant a lot to me

956
00:58:29,455 --> 00:58:30,495
Marshall Adler: It meant a lot to me

957
00:58:31,345 --> 00:58:32,674
Steve Smelski: thank
you for coming on today.

958
00:58:32,705 --> 00:58:36,365
And we'd like to thank everybody for
joining us today on Hope Thru Grief.

959
00:58:37,325 --> 00:58:39,785
Marshall Adler: Thank you very
much, everybody have a good week.

960
00:58:42,115 --> 00:58:45,625
Steve Smelski: Thank you for joining
us on Hope Thru Grief with your cohost

961
00:58:45,805 --> 00:58:47,505
Marshall Adler and Steve Smelski.

962
00:58:48,205 --> 00:58:52,345
Marshall Adler: We hope our episode
today was helpful and informative.

963
00:58:53,335 --> 00:58:58,075
Since we are not medical or mental
health professionals, we cannot

964
00:58:58,545 --> 00:59:03,825
and will not provide any medical,
psychological, or mental health advice.

965
00:59:04,545 --> 00:59:09,705
Therefore, if you or anyone, you know,
requires medical or mental health

966
00:59:09,705 --> 00:59:14,885
treatment, please contact a medical or
mental health professional immediately.