1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:03,680 Not only is it bad for humans, but it's actually 2 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:07,280 bad for business. It is really horrible business 3 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:10,960 to have to keep retraining people because you 4 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:14,560 treat them so poorly that they burn out and leave. 5 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:18,880 When we hit a stride where things are going well, I have anxiety waiting 6 00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:22,720 for whatever awful stuff is coming next because 7 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:25,880 things can't just go well for a while, right? Like there's gotta be something around 8 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:29,360 the corner waiting for us. You did not do 9 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,910 anything wrong. You are an asset. You are not a liability. 10 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:39,380 Hi everybody, I'm Lauren Howard. I go by L2. Yes, 11 00:00:39,380 --> 00:00:43,220 you can call me L2. Everybody does. It's a long story. It's actually not that 12 00:00:43,220 --> 00:00:47,020 long a story, but we'll save it for another time. Welcome to Different 13 00:00:47,260 --> 00:00:50,980 Not Broken, which is our podcast on exactly that, 14 00:00:50,980 --> 00:00:54,420 that there are a lot of people in this world walking around feeling broken. And 15 00:00:54,420 --> 00:00:56,700 the reality is you're just different and that's fine. 16 00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:02,820 We've talked about the fact that I actually quite enjoy sportsball before and 17 00:01:02,820 --> 00:01:06,480 I use sports as the catch all term for all of the 18 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:09,600 sports. Cause I will watch any sport, but it's not like something I seek out. 19 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:13,120 I will say when I need something to put on in the background, which is 20 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:16,520 all the time, I always have something running in the background and I'm very rarely 21 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:20,280 actively paying attention to it. It's either the byproduct of my brain being very 22 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:24,040 noisy all the time and learning to counteract it with 23 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:27,800 television or with noise, or the fact that my house was loud 24 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,920 all the time. When I was a kid, there was no quiet ever because there 25 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:33,640 were just a whole lot of kids with a whole lot of trauma. 26 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:37,580 I always want to have on in the background, even though I don't care that 27 00:01:37,580 --> 00:01:41,380 much about the topics. I actually really like watching sports documentaries and so I'll watch 28 00:01:41,540 --> 00:01:45,380 things about all sorts of different sports teams all the time. 29 00:01:45,380 --> 00:01:49,100 I know lots of things about like 1970s 30 00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:52,740 sports that I don't know about current sports. I learn it 31 00:01:52,740 --> 00:01:56,540 from watching documentaries and docu series and things like that. But the reason I bring 32 00:01:56,540 --> 00:02:00,340 this up is because I watched the entire March Madness this year every 33 00:02:00,340 --> 00:02:04,020 night instead of turning on what I normally turn on, which is shows about murder. 34 00:02:04,020 --> 00:02:07,460 Because of course, because who doesn't love a good show about murder? Listen, when I'm 35 00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:10,620 stressed, I want to go decompress and watch shows about murder. That's how I get 36 00:02:10,620 --> 00:02:14,180 my relief. But things have been so intensely 37 00:02:14,180 --> 00:02:17,460 stressful lately that even like the dark 38 00:02:17,540 --> 00:02:21,060 themes, like even just the idea of the kind of 39 00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:24,740 creepy music that they play under murder shows or the suspenseful music 40 00:02:24,820 --> 00:02:28,660 or the horror type music that you often hear on Dateline 41 00:02:28,660 --> 00:02:32,330 or 48 Hours or one of the various shows 42 00:02:32,330 --> 00:02:35,930 on Oxygen, True Crime that are all basically the same show just 43 00:02:35,930 --> 00:02:39,770 packaged into slightly different packages, literally all about murder. I 44 00:02:39,770 --> 00:02:43,290 was not able to overcome the 45 00:02:43,290 --> 00:02:46,970 anxiety in my brain because it was compounding it. The idea of 46 00:02:46,970 --> 00:02:50,650 these very stressful, really horrific themes that should tell 47 00:02:50,650 --> 00:02:54,330 you how far gone I've been. Thanks 48 00:02:54,330 --> 00:02:57,970 to the state of the universe right now. I will drop everything for Keith 49 00:02:57,970 --> 00:03:01,620 Morrison if he calls. I'm running. And the fact that I've been like, 50 00:03:01,620 --> 00:03:04,420 I just can't right now. That's what I've been like with the news for the 51 00:03:04,420 --> 00:03:08,220 last year. Which is also shocking because I was a news junkie all 52 00:03:08,220 --> 00:03:11,740 the time. I would turn on a news channel, leave it on, know what's happening 53 00:03:11,740 --> 00:03:14,940 all over the world. But now that our news is 54 00:03:14,940 --> 00:03:18,700 permeated by a giant orange jackass with 55 00:03:19,260 --> 00:03:22,620 zero capacity for governance and just 56 00:03:22,940 --> 00:03:26,770 rampant corruption and terrible things happening all the time, 57 00:03:26,850 --> 00:03:29,850 Every time I watch the news, I would get angry. I would get so sick 58 00:03:29,850 --> 00:03:33,250 to my stomach, I would feel physically sick that I was like, I just can't 59 00:03:33,250 --> 00:03:37,050 do this anymore. Which is when I switched to murder shows full time. Well, we 60 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:40,889 have now reached the part of the timeline where the murder shows are 61 00:03:40,889 --> 00:03:44,530 now causing their own version of stress. And so I have been watching 62 00:03:44,530 --> 00:03:47,890 sportsball. I don't actually care what's happening in the games, and I certainly don't care 63 00:03:48,050 --> 00:03:51,540 who wins. But it is so nice to have something on the 64 00:03:51,540 --> 00:03:55,260 television that has zero stakes for me. None whatsoever. 65 00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:58,860 There is no anxiety. I don't care. If you make a basket, good for you. 66 00:03:58,860 --> 00:04:02,260 If you do make a pretty one, I like watching it. That's fun. But if 67 00:04:02,260 --> 00:04:05,780 you lose the game, if you win the game, I don't care. I like 68 00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:09,340 watching Charles Barkley be a jerk. That's 69 00:04:09,340 --> 00:04:12,980 fun all the time. I, in general, like the commentators. I 70 00:04:12,980 --> 00:04:16,140 like to pretend like I know what's going on. Like, I said something to my 71 00:04:16,140 --> 00:04:18,460 husband about the Final Four, and I was like, well, it's so and so and 72 00:04:18,460 --> 00:04:20,540 so and so versus so and so and so and so. Final Four is not 73 00:04:20,540 --> 00:04:24,240 even over and I've forgotten who's in it. Clearly, that shows you how far in 74 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:27,800 my brain I'm actually retaining this stuff. It's not far, but I know 75 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,920 Michigan's in it because I had a teacher in high school who I'm still close 76 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:34,360 with, who was a huge Michigan fan. And I can sing the entire Michigan fight 77 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,840 song because of her. And my kids the other day asked me why I know 78 00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:41,600 the Michigan song. They didn't know what the Michigan song was. And I was like, 79 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:45,360 that is a very long story. And they're like, do you like Michigan? 80 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:48,840 I was like, no, I hate Michigan. I have no affection for Michigan whatsoever. I've 81 00:04:48,840 --> 00:04:52,520 been Pavlov. I watched all of March Madness, 82 00:04:52,650 --> 00:04:56,410 which I've never done before. I've never filled out a bracket. I've never cared. 83 00:04:56,410 --> 00:04:59,450 The only time I ever cared were the couple of years when LSU was in 84 00:04:59,450 --> 00:05:02,890 the finals for two reasons. One, LSU is my favorite team, and two, because I 85 00:05:02,890 --> 00:05:05,490 grew up there and my best friend was the team manager when they were in 86 00:05:05,490 --> 00:05:09,250 the finals. The two times I cared that time since I graduated, probably 87 00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:12,850 college. I don't care about the sports ball, but, man, the relief that 88 00:05:12,850 --> 00:05:16,490 I've gotten from the sports ball. They're doing what they love and they're so good 89 00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:20,330 at it. And it's really nice to watch other people do what they love 90 00:05:20,330 --> 00:05:24,000 and be good at it, even if it's something that you have no interest 91 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:27,640 in. I can watch other people be good at stuff all day. 92 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:31,400 I can watch other people get joy from something all day. 93 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:35,160 So do I care about the basketball scores? 94 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:39,480 No. Am I ever gonna fill out a bracket and have any 95 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:43,280 opinion on who wins March Madness? Absolutely 96 00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:47,120 not. But am I so grateful that March Madness was on 97 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:50,810 the television for a full month? And also, the women's games are 98 00:05:50,810 --> 00:05:54,650 better than the men's games. I'm just saying, full stop, no question. I 99 00:05:54,650 --> 00:05:58,050 don't care. Argue with the wall. I do know the names of people 100 00:05:58,450 --> 00:06:02,090 on the women's side. Dawn Staley is a freaking hero. Bite me. 101 00:06:02,090 --> 00:06:05,090 And then I'm blanking on her name right now, and it's really bothering me. I 102 00:06:05,090 --> 00:06:08,370 think it's Kim something. She's the LSU coach. Aside from the fact that she's the 103 00:06:08,370 --> 00:06:12,170 LSU coach, which means I love her by nature of existence. She coached Angel 104 00:06:12,170 --> 00:06:15,870 Reese, who I really, really love, and she has the greatest blazers in the history 105 00:06:15,870 --> 00:06:19,590 of humanity. I never knew you could put that many sequins on a 106 00:06:19,590 --> 00:06:23,350 blazer. And good for her. I'm so impressed with the number of sequins 107 00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:27,070 that she puts on her blazers. Anyway, I pay attention to women's sports apparently a 108 00:06:27,070 --> 00:06:29,270 little bit more than I pay attention to men's sports. I could not name a 109 00:06:29,270 --> 00:06:32,870 single person on any of the men's teams because I don't care. But I do 110 00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:36,630 care about the women's teams and the women's games are better. They're better. I am 111 00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:39,670 so grateful for March Madness, which I can't believe I'm saying out loud because I 112 00:06:39,670 --> 00:06:43,410 have literally never cared before. But it has been the reprieve that my brain 113 00:06:43,410 --> 00:06:47,130 needed from murder shows, I guess, which were the 114 00:06:47,130 --> 00:06:50,970 reprieve that my brain needed from the news. Because that's the world we live in 115 00:06:50,970 --> 00:06:54,410 in 2026. I'm kind of sad that it's going to be over. I'm gonna have 116 00:06:54,410 --> 00:06:57,970 to find something else to watch. I don't know what sports ball seasons are next. 117 00:06:57,970 --> 00:07:01,610 I think baseball starts. Unless it's the Savannah Bananas, I'm not gonna watch baseball. 118 00:07:01,610 --> 00:07:04,970 So that's a no go. But I'm sure there's other sports balls that I can 119 00:07:04,970 --> 00:07:08,800 watch that will offset some of the horror and nightmare 120 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:12,440 that is happening. Things that I have learned. I 121 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:15,160 really like watching people be good at stuff, even if it's stuff that I don't 122 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:18,480 care about at all. Sportsball is a really, really good 123 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:22,000 distraction. Especially when you don't give a shit about the 124 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:25,480 outcome. Zero shits about the outcome. Amazing 125 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,080 distraction. And then you can pretend like you know things. I'm like, look, he hit 126 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,560 that three. Oh, that was a foul. He's gonna get to go to the foul 127 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:33,840 line. Well, that was a one on one. Okay. I did play basketball in high 128 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,240 school, so like I at least know the rules of the game. It is kind 129 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,980 of fun to like act like you know things even though the impact of knowing 130 00:07:39,980 --> 00:07:43,700 things is just because my brain needed a break from reality. 131 00:07:43,780 --> 00:07:47,380 And the only break from reality that I could get is 7 foot 132 00:07:47,380 --> 00:07:50,980 tall men running up and down a court. Which is fine. 133 00:07:51,060 --> 00:07:54,340 Highly recommend putting the sports ball on in the background and 134 00:07:54,580 --> 00:07:58,140 forgetting that life exists for a minute. You don't have to engage with it, 135 00:07:58,140 --> 00:08:01,700 but there's nothing going on except for people running up and down a court. 136 00:08:01,780 --> 00:08:05,620 And they're not focused on anything that is going on in the world aside from 137 00:08:06,390 --> 00:08:09,990 putting that ball in a hoop. And that is the level 138 00:08:10,070 --> 00:08:13,190 of distraction that I need right now. Thank you. Sportsball 139 00:08:15,350 --> 00:08:19,150 workplaces, I guess they're changing. I feel that it 140 00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:22,790 is becoming more the norm. The standard for workplace 141 00:08:22,790 --> 00:08:26,630 performance should be use them up until they're burned out. 142 00:08:26,710 --> 00:08:30,470 Often it's turned them over for someone else cheaper. Or an AI 143 00:08:30,470 --> 00:08:33,590 bot that doesn't have set hours. But that's so 144 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:38,080 common now. Not only is it bad for humans, but 145 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:41,320 it's actually bad for business. It is really 146 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,920 horrible business to have to keep retraining people 147 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:49,120 because you treat them so poorly that they burn out 148 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:52,880 and leave or can't do the job or go on disability or 149 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:56,520 whatever like it's bad business. It costs a business money 150 00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:00,800 to have people leave when they have institutional knowledge. It 151 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:04,490 takes something like between 18 months and 152 00:09:04,890 --> 00:09:08,730 three years to replace someone who left with all 153 00:09:08,730 --> 00:09:12,530 the institutional knowledge. And knowledge transfer only happens to 154 00:09:12,530 --> 00:09:16,290 a certain extent. Regardless how well documented your SOPs 155 00:09:16,290 --> 00:09:20,090 are. The humans who are performing those jobs 156 00:09:20,090 --> 00:09:23,530 know it better than any book. And your perfectly 157 00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:27,090 documented manual on how to do this job isn't 158 00:09:27,090 --> 00:09:30,810 going to tell the whole story. I don't care if the companies lose 159 00:09:30,810 --> 00:09:34,650 a bunch of money because they ran off their employees. That is not 160 00:09:34,650 --> 00:09:38,170 my point. It both feels 161 00:09:38,170 --> 00:09:41,930 bad and it is bad business because losing 162 00:09:41,930 --> 00:09:45,570 good employees costs the organization money. So there's no 163 00:09:45,570 --> 00:09:48,770 justification for doing it except for short term thinking 164 00:09:49,330 --> 00:09:52,890 rather than long term plan. They are worried about the 165 00:09:52,890 --> 00:09:56,710 payroll this year. They are worried about output this year rather 166 00:09:56,710 --> 00:09:59,910 than thinking about how. Man, if we have a healthy, 167 00:10:00,150 --> 00:10:03,350 engaged, happy to be here group of employees 168 00:10:03,990 --> 00:10:07,630 that this company will be easier to run in 10 years or five years or 169 00:10:07,630 --> 00:10:10,950 even two years. They don't think about that. Happy employees lead to better 170 00:10:10,950 --> 00:10:14,630 businesses. They lead to more profitable businesses. They lead to more successful 171 00:10:14,630 --> 00:10:18,230 businesses. They lead to businesses that are less prone to 172 00:10:18,230 --> 00:10:21,920 risk because the employees work to protect them. Again, I don't actually 173 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:25,360 care about the businesses. That's not the point that I'm making for the conversation we're 174 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:28,880 about to have. There is fully no justification for it 175 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:32,960 because it's not even good business to do things this way. So what I want 176 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:36,400 to say is there is a reality that your job 177 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:40,320 can't see the forest for the trees. They are incapable 178 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:44,440 of seeing how treating you like a 179 00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:48,160 valuable human who deserves to be there, who they 180 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:51,830 are appreciate having there, who does their job well 181 00:10:51,910 --> 00:10:55,670 is better for business. And that has nothing 182 00:10:55,670 --> 00:10:59,430 to do with you. That is not a shortcoming from your performance. 183 00:11:00,230 --> 00:11:03,950 That does not reflect on how you've done your job. It does not 184 00:11:03,950 --> 00:11:07,790 reflect on how important you are to the organization. It reflects on the 185 00:11:07,790 --> 00:11:10,550 fact that they are prioritizing the company 186 00:11:11,430 --> 00:11:14,870 over every individual. And that is not something that you should 187 00:11:14,870 --> 00:11:18,520 internalize. And I understand how hard it is to not. 188 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:22,240 I understand how it feels personal when they do things like that. When 189 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:25,920 people say it's not personal, it's just business. That's an excuse that they're making 190 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:29,560 to not take accountability for the shitty thing they're about to do. It's always 191 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:33,160 personal when someone treats you poorly. It is always 192 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:36,960 personal. No business decision justifies 193 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:40,600 treating someone poorly. That doesn't mean that there aren't 194 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:44,370 business decisions that end up with really negative outcomes for 195 00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:48,090 people who deserve better. And sometimes that happens. Even 196 00:11:48,090 --> 00:11:51,810 in the best scenario, sometimes that happens. But that 197 00:11:51,810 --> 00:11:55,490 has nothing to do with you. That has 198 00:11:55,490 --> 00:11:58,690 nothing to do with your performance. It has nothing to do with your capability. It 199 00:11:58,690 --> 00:12:02,410 has nothing to do with your ability to get another job. 200 00:12:02,650 --> 00:12:05,610 That is the place that you are working. 201 00:12:06,330 --> 00:12:09,850 Not understanding, caring about your employees is better business. 202 00:12:10,390 --> 00:12:13,910 Their hyper corporate, likely abusive approach, 203 00:12:14,470 --> 00:12:18,190 despite the fact that you have the honor of absorbing it or 204 00:12:18,190 --> 00:12:21,950 being at least the receptacle for it, has absolutely nothing to 205 00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:25,590 do with you. You did not do anything wrong. You are an 206 00:12:25,590 --> 00:12:29,350 asset. You are not a liability. You are not the problem who is 207 00:12:29,350 --> 00:12:33,030 creating this inhospitable environment that was designed to 208 00:12:33,030 --> 00:12:36,510 burn you out. It's got nothing to do with you. You are not a problem 209 00:12:36,510 --> 00:12:40,020 for having boundaries. You are not a problem for expecting better. 210 00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:44,140 You are not a problem for wanting the accommodations that you deserve. None 211 00:12:44,140 --> 00:12:47,060 of that is you. None of that makes you a problem. 212 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:50,860 Psychological safety at work or the ability to be treated 213 00:12:50,860 --> 00:12:54,620 like a human, not a cog in a machine, that is not a 214 00:12:54,620 --> 00:12:58,460 fringe benefit. That is something that should be available to everyone. And 215 00:12:58,460 --> 00:13:01,780 if you're in a situation where you're not treated well, where 216 00:13:02,260 --> 00:13:05,820 you feel disposable because that's the vibe that your employer 217 00:13:05,820 --> 00:13:09,520 gives off, that you would do anything to jump ship right now, whether 218 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:13,280 that's a possibility for you or not. I'm sorry, that sucks. 219 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:17,040 I'm sorry that so much of our corporate world has turned into that. In 220 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,920 my experience, it's been that for a long time, but I definitely see it getting 221 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:23,680 worse. Especially now that there's this looming threat that will just outsource your job 222 00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:26,840 to a robot which will never work. They think that they can turn all of 223 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:30,480 these hyper expertise driven roles into 224 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:34,840 computerized programs. Basically, they're firing people as a result of it, and 225 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:37,160 they're just going to have to hire all those people back or a lot of 226 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:39,980 those people back. My fear though is that they're going to hire those people back 227 00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:44,100 at like a quarter of the salary because the beatings will continue 228 00:13:44,100 --> 00:13:47,580 until morale improves. But none of that 229 00:13:47,740 --> 00:13:50,540 has anything to do with your performance, 230 00:13:51,260 --> 00:13:55,100 your capacity, your intelligence, your expertise. You 231 00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:58,460 are in a shitty situation that is not built to be 232 00:13:58,780 --> 00:14:02,620 compatible with human existence. I wish I could 233 00:14:02,620 --> 00:14:06,190 snap my fingers and fix that, but I don't know that anybody can. And 234 00:14:06,190 --> 00:14:09,230 so if you're in that situation. I'm sorry. You deserve better. 235 00:14:10,030 --> 00:14:13,470 You deserve more. You should not be the 236 00:14:13,470 --> 00:14:17,230 byproduct of trying to strip humanity 237 00:14:17,230 --> 00:14:21,070 out of the workplace. And it should not reflect on you as 238 00:14:21,470 --> 00:14:25,110 how you feel about yourself. You could be a thousand years 239 00:14:25,110 --> 00:14:28,590 more experienced and 10 times less expensive 240 00:14:29,390 --> 00:14:33,110 and they would still do it. It has nothing to do with you. You deserve 241 00:14:33,110 --> 00:14:36,810 safety in the workplace. You. You deserve accommodations in the workplace. You're 242 00:14:36,810 --> 00:14:40,570 legally required to get accommodations in the workplace as long as they 243 00:14:40,570 --> 00:14:44,090 are reasonable and affiliated with an actual disability. You shouldn't feel 244 00:14:44,090 --> 00:14:47,850 like your job is to work until you can't work anymore, and then they'll just 245 00:14:47,850 --> 00:14:50,450 give the job to someone else. That's not how it's supposed to work. And if 246 00:14:50,450 --> 00:14:52,290 that's how it's working for you currently, I'm sorry. 247 00:14:54,610 --> 00:14:58,410 And now we'll go to Alison, who has this week's 248 00:14:58,410 --> 00:15:01,930 small talk. We have a question from 249 00:15:01,930 --> 00:15:05,610 Frank in Scranton, Pennsylvania. I'm 250 00:15:05,610 --> 00:15:09,290 constantly bracing for things to go wrong. Even when things are fine, 251 00:15:09,930 --> 00:15:13,730 I don't know how to relax into stability. Is that 252 00:15:13,730 --> 00:15:17,290 hypervigilance, trauma, or just being realistic? 253 00:15:18,730 --> 00:15:22,530 I can't say exactly what that is because I'm not a 254 00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:26,250 clinician. However, I will say that I am exactly the same. 255 00:15:26,410 --> 00:15:29,530 I don't know if that makes it better or worse, but I am so much 256 00:15:29,530 --> 00:15:33,280 the same. When we hit a stride where things are going well, I 257 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:37,000 have anxiety waiting for whatever awful stuff is 258 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:40,640 coming next because things can't just go well for a while, right? Like, there's 259 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:44,240 gotta be something around the corner waiting for us. And that has been a 260 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:47,760 challenge my entire life. I remember being like that when I was a little kid. 261 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:51,960 Sometimes I just don't feel excited about things that maybe could be really 262 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:55,560 exciting because I either don't want to invest too much 263 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:59,060 emotional energy in it in the event that it doesn't work out, or 264 00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:03,340 I've had a lot of disappointment about things I was excited about not going 265 00:16:03,340 --> 00:16:06,340 well or not turning out to be what I thought it was. And so, like, 266 00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:10,260 it makes it really hard to enjoy things. I used 267 00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:13,940 to watch a ton of college football, and, like, six weeks before 268 00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:17,500 the end of the season, I would get, like, really melancholy because it was going 269 00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:19,860 to end. And I love it so much, and I don't want it to end. 270 00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:23,620 Not enjoying maybe potentially the most exciting part of the season 271 00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:26,730 because I'm so worried that it's going to end. I remember feeling like that when 272 00:16:26,730 --> 00:16:30,250 my kids were little, too. I mean, they still are little. Like early newborn 273 00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:34,010 phase. Feeling really sad all the time that this phase is going to end and 274 00:16:34,010 --> 00:16:37,850 I won't have spent enough time enjoying it or I won't get to do 275 00:16:37,850 --> 00:16:41,490 it with them again. But you're in it now. Why aren't you enjoying it now? 276 00:16:42,450 --> 00:16:46,050 And it's just not how I'm wired. I think some of that is 277 00:16:46,050 --> 00:16:49,810 probably a trauma response, especially if you grew up. And again, I say 278 00:16:49,810 --> 00:16:53,110 this not as a clinician, but just somebody who has personal experience with this. If 279 00:16:53,110 --> 00:16:56,830 you grow up in a chaotic family that pulls a lot of attention 280 00:16:57,070 --> 00:17:00,670 every time something good happens for someone else, it makes you 281 00:17:00,670 --> 00:17:04,310 really nervous when good things do happen because you're waiting 282 00:17:04,310 --> 00:17:08,110 for somebody to do the next wild and outlandish thing, to pull 283 00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:11,590 focus. I'm convinced that's why I hate my 284 00:17:11,590 --> 00:17:15,070 birthday, because I can name a number of different 285 00:17:15,070 --> 00:17:18,750 things that as a child 286 00:17:19,070 --> 00:17:22,620 on my birthday, created conflict or 287 00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:26,060 stress or whatever. And so it makes me feel 288 00:17:26,140 --> 00:17:29,700 uncomfortable when I'm supposed to be asking for time and 289 00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:33,100 attention because there was always a shoe that dropped. There was always a thing. 290 00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:36,700 Somebody always created a situation. And 291 00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:40,540 so in my own personal 292 00:17:40,540 --> 00:17:44,340 exploration, that's where I feel like 293 00:17:44,340 --> 00:17:48,100 it comes from. Just this sense memory that if this is 294 00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:51,900 something you're happy about, there's going to be something negative right behind it. When I 295 00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:55,300 was in high school, I was on the speech and debate team and we went 296 00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:59,020 to our first big state tournament for the year where 297 00:17:59,980 --> 00:18:02,860 one of the people on the team with me had done really, really well the 298 00:18:02,860 --> 00:18:06,420 prior year. This was several years in, so at this point, I was already kind 299 00:18:06,420 --> 00:18:08,940 of established and had had some success. I 300 00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:13,660 ended up doing really well at the tournament. I brought home two different 301 00:18:13,740 --> 00:18:16,660 trophies because I was in two events and I got to finals, both of them. 302 00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:19,530 And it was so exciting. And. And that wasn't something I usually got to do. 303 00:18:19,690 --> 00:18:23,410 And I came home and walked in the house and I've got 304 00:18:23,410 --> 00:18:26,810 my two trophies. I'm like, look, I did really well. 305 00:18:27,050 --> 00:18:30,010 And my parents are like, that's amazing. Your dog died. 306 00:18:30,970 --> 00:18:34,770 Oh, okay. So I'm going to put these 307 00:18:34,770 --> 00:18:38,250 to the side. I came home and my dad was like, hey, 308 00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:42,090 I'm having open heart surgery in two days. Some of us are just wired that 309 00:18:42,090 --> 00:18:45,250 way. And I think to some extent, I would be wired that way regardless, because 310 00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:48,810 I'm a worrier and I'm naturally 311 00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:52,370 concerned that something bad is going to happen. I'm always looking around the corner. I'm 312 00:18:52,370 --> 00:18:55,850 always trying to figure out what 50 different outcomes there could be from a 313 00:18:55,850 --> 00:18:59,490 situation. But also Some of it's learned. Some of it 314 00:18:59,490 --> 00:19:02,810 is from the environments that we grew up in, the people who 315 00:19:03,050 --> 00:19:06,730 have maybe acted like energy vampires, whether we realize it or not. 316 00:19:07,210 --> 00:19:10,930 Some of the things that have tempered our ability to feel excited about things. I 317 00:19:10,930 --> 00:19:14,680 certainly don't know if that's the situation in your case, but I know that a 318 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:18,320 lot of people who struggle with this 319 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:22,040 idea of letting yourself feel excited about 320 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:25,560 something or look forward to something, or be present in the moment of 321 00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:29,359 whatever that is. That comes from the fact that there 322 00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:32,520 is just always something new to worry about. And that is 323 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:36,480 exhausting and overwhelming and comes from any 324 00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:40,060 number of places. It can be hard to shake. And that might be a great 325 00:19:40,060 --> 00:19:43,460 thing to talk to a professional about. It might also just be something to start 326 00:19:43,460 --> 00:19:47,180 looking at. In your history, has somebody always rained on your parade 327 00:19:48,060 --> 00:19:51,340 every time something great has happened for you? Or have you felt like 328 00:19:51,740 --> 00:19:55,420 you couldn't share when something good happened because it might be 329 00:19:55,420 --> 00:19:59,220 perceived as negative by somebody who you care about or not received well by somebody 330 00:19:59,220 --> 00:20:02,980 who you care about? Because that can change how you personally feel about those 331 00:20:02,980 --> 00:20:03,580 things, too. 332 00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:11,100 The Olympics get me every time, and I always think I'm never going to watch 333 00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:13,260 them, and then I end up watching them the whole time. Because in the US 334 00:20:13,260 --> 00:20:17,020 you go to school and you could play basketball all the way through school, and 335 00:20:17,020 --> 00:20:20,100 then you can play basketball in college, and then you can graduate college and go 336 00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:23,860 to a professional. Like, there's like a whole trajectory there. How do you end 337 00:20:23,860 --> 00:20:27,620 up learning to do the luge? Like, there's these little 338 00:20:27,700 --> 00:20:31,460 niche sports that I'm like, how do you end up 339 00:20:31,460 --> 00:20:33,180 in this sport? I must no.