Not only is it bad for humans, but it's actually
bad for business. It is really horrible business
to have to keep retraining people because you
treat them so poorly that they burn out and leave.
When we hit a stride where things are going well, I have anxiety waiting
for whatever awful stuff is coming next because
things can't just go well for a while, right? Like there's gotta be something around
the corner waiting for us. You did not do
anything wrong. You are an asset. You are not a liability.
Hi everybody, I'm Lauren Howard. I go by L2. Yes,
you can call me L2. Everybody does. It's a long story. It's actually not that
long a story, but we'll save it for another time. Welcome to Different
Not Broken, which is our podcast on exactly that,
that there are a lot of people in this world walking around feeling broken. And
the reality is you're just different and that's fine.
We've talked about the fact that I actually quite enjoy sportsball before and
I use sports as the catch all term for all of the
sports. Cause I will watch any sport, but it's not like something I seek out.
I will say when I need something to put on in the background, which is
all the time, I always have something running in the background and I'm very rarely
actively paying attention to it. It's either the byproduct of my brain being very
noisy all the time and learning to counteract it with
television or with noise, or the fact that my house was loud
all the time. When I was a kid, there was no quiet ever because there
were just a whole lot of kids with a whole lot of trauma.
I always want to have on in the background, even though I don't care that
much about the topics. I actually really like watching sports documentaries and so I'll watch
things about all sorts of different sports teams all the time.
I know lots of things about like 1970s
sports that I don't know about current sports. I learn it
from watching documentaries and docu series and things like that. But the reason I bring
this up is because I watched the entire March Madness this year every
night instead of turning on what I normally turn on, which is shows about murder.
Because of course, because who doesn't love a good show about murder? Listen, when I'm
stressed, I want to go decompress and watch shows about murder. That's how I get
my relief. But things have been so intensely
stressful lately that even like the dark
themes, like even just the idea of the kind of
creepy music that they play under murder shows or the suspenseful music
or the horror type music that you often hear on Dateline
or 48 Hours or one of the various shows
on Oxygen, True Crime that are all basically the same show just
packaged into slightly different packages, literally all about murder. I
was not able to overcome the
anxiety in my brain because it was compounding it. The idea of
these very stressful, really horrific themes that should tell
you how far gone I've been. Thanks
to the state of the universe right now. I will drop everything for Keith
Morrison if he calls. I'm running. And the fact that I've been like,
I just can't right now. That's what I've been like with the news for the
last year. Which is also shocking because I was a news junkie all
the time. I would turn on a news channel, leave it on, know what's happening
all over the world. But now that our news is
permeated by a giant orange jackass with
zero capacity for governance and just
rampant corruption and terrible things happening all the time,
Every time I watch the news, I would get angry. I would get so sick
to my stomach, I would feel physically sick that I was like, I just can't
do this anymore. Which is when I switched to murder shows full time. Well, we
have now reached the part of the timeline where the murder shows are
now causing their own version of stress. And so I have been watching
sportsball. I don't actually care what's happening in the games, and I certainly don't care
who wins. But it is so nice to have something on the
television that has zero stakes for me. None whatsoever.
There is no anxiety. I don't care. If you make a basket, good for you.
If you do make a pretty one, I like watching it. That's fun. But if
you lose the game, if you win the game, I don't care. I like
watching Charles Barkley be a jerk. That's
fun all the time. I, in general, like the commentators. I
like to pretend like I know what's going on. Like, I said something to my
husband about the Final Four, and I was like, well, it's so and so and
so and so versus so and so and so and so. Final Four is not
even over and I've forgotten who's in it. Clearly, that shows you how far in
my brain I'm actually retaining this stuff. It's not far, but I know
Michigan's in it because I had a teacher in high school who I'm still close
with, who was a huge Michigan fan. And I can sing the entire Michigan fight
song because of her. And my kids the other day asked me why I know
the Michigan song. They didn't know what the Michigan song was. And I was like,
that is a very long story. And they're like, do you like Michigan?
I was like, no, I hate Michigan. I have no affection for Michigan whatsoever. I've
been Pavlov. I watched all of March Madness,
which I've never done before. I've never filled out a bracket. I've never cared.
The only time I ever cared were the couple of years when LSU was in
the finals for two reasons. One, LSU is my favorite team, and two, because I
grew up there and my best friend was the team manager when they were in
the finals. The two times I cared that time since I graduated, probably
college. I don't care about the sports ball, but, man, the relief that
I've gotten from the sports ball. They're doing what they love and they're so good
at it. And it's really nice to watch other people do what they love
and be good at it, even if it's something that you have no interest
in. I can watch other people be good at stuff all day.
I can watch other people get joy from something all day.
So do I care about the basketball scores?
No. Am I ever gonna fill out a bracket and have any
opinion on who wins March Madness? Absolutely
not. But am I so grateful that March Madness was on
the television for a full month? And also, the women's games are
better than the men's games. I'm just saying, full stop, no question. I
don't care. Argue with the wall. I do know the names of people
on the women's side. Dawn Staley is a freaking hero. Bite me.
And then I'm blanking on her name right now, and it's really bothering me. I
think it's Kim something. She's the LSU coach. Aside from the fact that she's the
LSU coach, which means I love her by nature of existence. She coached Angel
Reese, who I really, really love, and she has the greatest blazers in the history
of humanity. I never knew you could put that many sequins on a
blazer. And good for her. I'm so impressed with the number of sequins
that she puts on her blazers. Anyway, I pay attention to women's sports apparently a
little bit more than I pay attention to men's sports. I could not name a
single person on any of the men's teams because I don't care. But I do
care about the women's teams and the women's games are better. They're better. I am
so grateful for March Madness, which I can't believe I'm saying out loud because I
have literally never cared before. But it has been the reprieve that my brain
needed from murder shows, I guess, which were the
reprieve that my brain needed from the news. Because that's the world we live in
in 2026. I'm kind of sad that it's going to be over. I'm gonna have
to find something else to watch. I don't know what sports ball seasons are next.
I think baseball starts. Unless it's the Savannah Bananas, I'm not gonna watch baseball.
So that's a no go. But I'm sure there's other sports balls that I can
watch that will offset some of the horror and nightmare
that is happening. Things that I have learned. I
really like watching people be good at stuff, even if it's stuff that I don't
care about at all. Sportsball is a really, really good
distraction. Especially when you don't give a shit about the
outcome. Zero shits about the outcome. Amazing
distraction. And then you can pretend like you know things. I'm like, look, he hit
that three. Oh, that was a foul. He's gonna get to go to the foul
line. Well, that was a one on one. Okay. I did play basketball in high
school, so like I at least know the rules of the game. It is kind
of fun to like act like you know things even though the impact of knowing
things is just because my brain needed a break from reality.
And the only break from reality that I could get is 7 foot
tall men running up and down a court. Which is fine.
Highly recommend putting the sports ball on in the background and
forgetting that life exists for a minute. You don't have to engage with it,
but there's nothing going on except for people running up and down a court.
And they're not focused on anything that is going on in the world aside from
putting that ball in a hoop. And that is the level
of distraction that I need right now. Thank you. Sportsball
workplaces, I guess they're changing. I feel that it
is becoming more the norm. The standard for workplace
performance should be use them up until they're burned out.
Often it's turned them over for someone else cheaper. Or an AI
bot that doesn't have set hours. But that's so
common now. Not only is it bad for humans, but
it's actually bad for business. It is really
horrible business to have to keep retraining people
because you treat them so poorly that they burn out
and leave or can't do the job or go on disability or
whatever like it's bad business. It costs a business money
to have people leave when they have institutional knowledge. It
takes something like between 18 months and
three years to replace someone who left with all
the institutional knowledge. And knowledge transfer only happens to
a certain extent. Regardless how well documented your SOPs
are. The humans who are performing those jobs
know it better than any book. And your perfectly
documented manual on how to do this job isn't
going to tell the whole story. I don't care if the companies lose
a bunch of money because they ran off their employees. That is not
my point. It both feels
bad and it is bad business because losing
good employees costs the organization money. So there's no
justification for doing it except for short term thinking
rather than long term plan. They are worried about the
payroll this year. They are worried about output this year rather
than thinking about how. Man, if we have a healthy,
engaged, happy to be here group of employees
that this company will be easier to run in 10 years or five years or
even two years. They don't think about that. Happy employees lead to better
businesses. They lead to more profitable businesses. They lead to more successful
businesses. They lead to businesses that are less prone to
risk because the employees work to protect them. Again, I don't actually
care about the businesses. That's not the point that I'm making for the conversation we're
about to have. There is fully no justification for it
because it's not even good business to do things this way. So what I want
to say is there is a reality that your job
can't see the forest for the trees. They are incapable
of seeing how treating you like a
valuable human who deserves to be there, who they
are appreciate having there, who does their job well
is better for business. And that has nothing
to do with you. That is not a shortcoming from your performance.
That does not reflect on how you've done your job. It does not
reflect on how important you are to the organization. It reflects on the
fact that they are prioritizing the company
over every individual. And that is not something that you should
internalize. And I understand how hard it is to not.
I understand how it feels personal when they do things like that. When
people say it's not personal, it's just business. That's an excuse that they're making
to not take accountability for the shitty thing they're about to do. It's always
personal when someone treats you poorly. It is always
personal. No business decision justifies
treating someone poorly. That doesn't mean that there aren't
business decisions that end up with really negative outcomes for
people who deserve better. And sometimes that happens. Even
in the best scenario, sometimes that happens. But that
has nothing to do with you. That has
nothing to do with your performance. It has nothing to do with your capability. It
has nothing to do with your ability to get another job.
That is the place that you are working.
Not understanding, caring about your employees is better business.
Their hyper corporate, likely abusive approach,
despite the fact that you have the honor of absorbing it or
being at least the receptacle for it, has absolutely nothing to
do with you. You did not do anything wrong. You are an
asset. You are not a liability. You are not the problem who is
creating this inhospitable environment that was designed to
burn you out. It's got nothing to do with you. You are not a problem
for having boundaries. You are not a problem for expecting better.
You are not a problem for wanting the accommodations that you deserve. None
of that is you. None of that makes you a problem.
Psychological safety at work or the ability to be treated
like a human, not a cog in a machine, that is not a
fringe benefit. That is something that should be available to everyone. And
if you're in a situation where you're not treated well, where
you feel disposable because that's the vibe that your employer
gives off, that you would do anything to jump ship right now, whether
that's a possibility for you or not. I'm sorry, that sucks.
I'm sorry that so much of our corporate world has turned into that. In
my experience, it's been that for a long time, but I definitely see it getting
worse. Especially now that there's this looming threat that will just outsource your job
to a robot which will never work. They think that they can turn all of
these hyper expertise driven roles into
computerized programs. Basically, they're firing people as a result of it, and
they're just going to have to hire all those people back or a lot of
those people back. My fear though is that they're going to hire those people back
at like a quarter of the salary because the beatings will continue
until morale improves. But none of that
has anything to do with your performance,
your capacity, your intelligence, your expertise. You
are in a shitty situation that is not built to be
compatible with human existence. I wish I could
snap my fingers and fix that, but I don't know that anybody can. And
so if you're in that situation. I'm sorry. You deserve better.
You deserve more. You should not be the
byproduct of trying to strip humanity
out of the workplace. And it should not reflect on you as
how you feel about yourself. You could be a thousand years
more experienced and 10 times less expensive
and they would still do it. It has nothing to do with you. You deserve
safety in the workplace. You. You deserve accommodations in the workplace. You're
legally required to get accommodations in the workplace as long as they
are reasonable and affiliated with an actual disability. You shouldn't feel
like your job is to work until you can't work anymore, and then they'll just
give the job to someone else. That's not how it's supposed to work. And if
that's how it's working for you currently, I'm sorry.
And now we'll go to Alison, who has this week's
small talk. We have a question from
Frank in Scranton, Pennsylvania. I'm
constantly bracing for things to go wrong. Even when things are fine,
I don't know how to relax into stability. Is that
hypervigilance, trauma, or just being realistic?
I can't say exactly what that is because I'm not a
clinician. However, I will say that I am exactly the same.
I don't know if that makes it better or worse, but I am so much
the same. When we hit a stride where things are going well, I
have anxiety waiting for whatever awful stuff is
coming next because things can't just go well for a while, right? Like, there's
gotta be something around the corner waiting for us. And that has been a
challenge my entire life. I remember being like that when I was a little kid.
Sometimes I just don't feel excited about things that maybe could be really
exciting because I either don't want to invest too much
emotional energy in it in the event that it doesn't work out, or
I've had a lot of disappointment about things I was excited about not going
well or not turning out to be what I thought it was. And so, like,
it makes it really hard to enjoy things. I used
to watch a ton of college football, and, like, six weeks before
the end of the season, I would get, like, really melancholy because it was going
to end. And I love it so much, and I don't want it to end.
Not enjoying maybe potentially the most exciting part of the season
because I'm so worried that it's going to end. I remember feeling like that when
my kids were little, too. I mean, they still are little. Like early newborn
phase. Feeling really sad all the time that this phase is going to end and
I won't have spent enough time enjoying it or I won't get to do
it with them again. But you're in it now. Why aren't you enjoying it now?
And it's just not how I'm wired. I think some of that is
probably a trauma response, especially if you grew up. And again, I say
this not as a clinician, but just somebody who has personal experience with this. If
you grow up in a chaotic family that pulls a lot of attention
every time something good happens for someone else, it makes you
really nervous when good things do happen because you're waiting
for somebody to do the next wild and outlandish thing, to pull
focus. I'm convinced that's why I hate my
birthday, because I can name a number of different
things that as a child
on my birthday, created conflict or
stress or whatever. And so it makes me feel
uncomfortable when I'm supposed to be asking for time and
attention because there was always a shoe that dropped. There was always a thing.
Somebody always created a situation. And
so in my own personal
exploration, that's where I feel like
it comes from. Just this sense memory that if this is
something you're happy about, there's going to be something negative right behind it. When I
was in high school, I was on the speech and debate team and we went
to our first big state tournament for the year where
one of the people on the team with me had done really, really well the
prior year. This was several years in, so at this point, I was already kind
of established and had had some success. I
ended up doing really well at the tournament. I brought home two different
trophies because I was in two events and I got to finals, both of them.
And it was so exciting. And. And that wasn't something I usually got to do.
And I came home and walked in the house and I've got
my two trophies. I'm like, look, I did really well.
And my parents are like, that's amazing. Your dog died.
Oh, okay. So I'm going to put these
to the side. I came home and my dad was like, hey,
I'm having open heart surgery in two days. Some of us are just wired that
way. And I think to some extent, I would be wired that way regardless, because
I'm a worrier and I'm naturally
concerned that something bad is going to happen. I'm always looking around the corner. I'm
always trying to figure out what 50 different outcomes there could be from a
situation. But also Some of it's learned. Some of it
is from the environments that we grew up in, the people who
have maybe acted like energy vampires, whether we realize it or not.
Some of the things that have tempered our ability to feel excited about things. I
certainly don't know if that's the situation in your case, but I know that a
lot of people who struggle with this
idea of letting yourself feel excited about
something or look forward to something, or be present in the moment of
whatever that is. That comes from the fact that there
is just always something new to worry about. And that is
exhausting and overwhelming and comes from any
number of places. It can be hard to shake. And that might be a great
thing to talk to a professional about. It might also just be something to start
looking at. In your history, has somebody always rained on your parade
every time something great has happened for you? Or have you felt like
you couldn't share when something good happened because it might be
perceived as negative by somebody who you care about or not received well by somebody
who you care about? Because that can change how you personally feel about those
things, too.
The Olympics get me every time, and I always think I'm never going to watch
them, and then I end up watching them the whole time. Because in the US
you go to school and you could play basketball all the way through school, and
then you can play basketball in college, and then you can graduate college and go
to a professional. Like, there's like a whole trajectory there. How do you end
up learning to do the luge? Like, there's these little
niche sports that I'm like, how do you end up
in this sport? I must no.