If you are stuck in a dorsal vagal shutdown, you probably need to hear a
little bit of positivity or encouragement, not just from me, but from other people
who know what you're going through.
In this episode, I'm going to share with you the final parts or portion of
my Shutdown Experiences Survey results.
If you haven't seen the other ones, I invite you to pause this and go
watch the rest of this playlist.
I'll have a link for you in the description, uh, for a playlist to the
audio and the YouTube version of this.
So let's listen to those first.
And especially if you don't know what Dorsal Vagal Shutdown is, this is
like not the place for you to begin.
Uh, but this, the point here is to hear from other people who are currently
in shutdown and words of encouragement or other thoughts that they have.
Hey, I am Justin Sunseri.
I'm a therapist and coach who wants to help you live with more
calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo woo.
Welcome to Stuck Not Broken.
This is of course not therapy, nor is it intended to replace therapy,
nor is it specific life advice.
So I did this thing called the Shutdown Experiences Survey a long
time ago and I finally am wrapping it up with, with this episode where the
people who shared their experiences about shutdown and how it affects
their daily life and their thoughts, their emotions, their relationships.
Now they're going to provide, well, this is what, here's, here's some
words I have for you, the Dear Listener who is in shutdown also.
As a, an aside, but also just sort of a setup for where I'm at,
I just walked my son to school.
It is foggy.
It is a little bit rainy, uh, recently and even this morning was raining.
It's a little bit dark still.
It's very much overcast.
And you know, there's a chill in the air and I still feel it on my skin.
I got my beanie on.
I got my sweater on.
And to me, this is like perfect shutdown weather.
This weather tells us go indoors and be warm.
And maybe have a loved one there, but being alone is okay too.
To me, this is perfect for shutdown.
So that's kind of the setup here in case you're listening and can't see me.
I got my beanie on.
I'm feeling warm and I love it.
The last three questions I asked are Is there anything else about your
experience that you want to share?
Uh, do you have any feedback, survey feedback and personal message?
If you could share a message with someone else experiencing
shutdown, what would you say?
Your words could offer comfort advice or encouragement to someone in need.
So that's what this is addressing.
And really the first and last ones, uh, any other information and what
words of encouragement do you have?
We'll start off with a touch of humor.
Daisy, who's been in shutdown for 11 to 20 years says, hang in there.
with a picture of a sloth.
So, you know what that image is.
It's the image of a sloth hanging from a branch and the words are Hang in there.
Little bit of humor.
If you're in Shutdown, you'll get it.
The next person, Helene, who's been, sounds like has who's a couple of bouts of
Shutdown, has been in Shutdown for 11 to 30 years, somewhere in that span says, "I
think the feeling of shame over being shut down is one of the biggest issues for me."
So this is more addressing the, do you have any other thoughts?
She says, I think the feeling of shame over being shut down is
one of the biggest issues for me.
I now understand what's going on, but I've been so ashamed for so very long.
Ashamed for not being able to perform at the level that I knew I was capable.
For being constantly late for everything.
For not being able to do more to make others happy.
And the list goes on.
So shame.
and shutdown go hand in hand for Helene.
And I think that's probably common.
Uh, the level of shaming that you get from others, like you're not good
enough, uh, for someone in shutdown or pretty much any stuck defensive state.
Yeah, that probably goes hand in hand, I think.
People telling you that you're not good enough, you're not doing good enough.
And part of that is we might recognize, well, yeah, like, I know, "I know
I'm capable of doing more, so I agree that maybe I'm not doing enough,"
whatever the context is, but also, "yeah, maybe I'm not good enough."
I think that can easily go along with, with shutdown.
Let's remind ourselves, though, that what you accomplish is an aspect
of who you are in a way, but it's um, it's not all of who you are.
Being in shutdown is an aspect of who you are, or maybe your
present day autonomic state.
So that kind of is very dominant in who you are, but there is more to who you are.
And maybe it's not coming out right now because the shutdown is so prevalent.
But it's not, you're not just shut down.
There, there is more to you.
Hopefully over time we see the shutdown alleviate, especially
as you're practicing safety.
So I guess it's just for now, it's a good idea to remind yourself that
yeah, there is more to you and it will come out as this shutdown alleviates.
Helene also says to you, dear listener, that I would tell them that
shutdown is nothing to be ashamed of.
It's how your body is protecting you.
It's actually a gift, even though it rarely feels that way.
When you learn to work with it, it can be your guide to a
richer and more fulfilling life.
So Helene recognizes that even though she has a lot of shame with her shutdown,
that being in shutdown in and of itself is not something to be ashamed of
and I completely agree with Helene.
It's simply a state of the body.
It's an autonomic state.
That we exist in not randomly, but probably due to the context of our
life, some prior context, like the past, or maybe a current context.
There's something that we don't feel safe in, can't run away from can't fight off,
and so the last result or last, um, option -sequential option- is to shut down.
Our body collapses.
It goes numb.
We disconnect.
So it's a survival strategy.
It's an autonomic evolutionary survival strategy.
It's not something that we like to do and choose to do.
It just is our, our body's last option to deal with whatever it's dealing with.
So in that context, like, yeah, it's not something to be ashamed of.
It's oh, like, there's a reason it makes sense.
Like I'm normal.
My, my autonomic state is normal based on the context of my life.
And if you can do that, like, that's a really good sign.
If you can validate your shutdown, just acknowledge it and then normalize it.
And the next step after that would be, well, can you give yourself
permission to be in shutdown?
Actually, and actually Helene kind of touched upon that.
She says, when you learn to work with it.
So, can you give yourself permission to be in shutdown?
Which means, can you give yourself permission to reduce stimulation?
Maybe be alone?
Turn lights down?
Bundle up in warmth?
Can you give yourself permission to be in silence?
So, that is how you work with it.
You listen to what your body needs and you provide it.
Now, isolating in the dark and cutting people off from your life, like,
no, that's not exactly what I mean.
That's, um, isolation is different than solitude.
And shutdown solitude is probably a really good idea.
Isolation, probably not.
So can you give yourself at least moments of solitude where you give
yourself your feelings, you feel what you feel, you don't distract yourself
with Tik TOK and Instagram and YouTube videos like this, but you truly just let
yourself feel shut down and then allow your body to self regulate out of it.
Not easy, but that is the general idea.
So can you work with it and settle into stillness?
Like today, uh, I was describing today's cold and foggy and overcast.
This is a really good day if you're in shutdown to embrace that, to embrace
solitude and warmth and reduce stimulation while watching the rain outside.
Charlotte says, I don't think I'd call it insight that she's giving.
I don't think I'd call it insight, but recently I've noticed that I can quite
strongly long for a shutdown state, especially when I'm in a freeze state,
but also when I'm in flight fight.
They stretch me out so much that I crave the numbness and
disconnection of shutdown somehow.
I'm not quite sure how this works within me, but I can imagine that more people,
especially with trauma, feel this craving toward the shutdown state sometimes.
Yeah, Charlotte, I think you're right.
The, whatever autonomic state that we're in becomes predictable.
I mean, whatever, um, stuck autonomic state that we have, even the defensive
ones, they become predictable.
They become, in a sense, Not really comforting, but predictable.
Like we, we, we know what to expect.
There's no surprises there.
As we self regulate out of those states, well, all of a sudden
things are, are, are different.
As we come out of shutdown, which is disconnected and slower and alone, and
now we're in flight fight, and all of a sudden we have this surge of fight
activation, we feel more aggressive and irritable and angry, that's different.
And it feels wrong.
And it feels like we're doing something wrong and it feels like
there's something wrong with us.
It's not the way things, it's not how we are.
I'm not this person.
I am a person who does this.
I'm not a person who does this.
I'm not a person who thinks this way.
I'm a person who thinks that way.
But the reality is that, well, you're a person who has the potential to
think this way and that way and to feel this way and that way.
So yeah, I don't think you're alone in this whatsoever, uh, Charlotte.
As we self regulate out of any stuck state, it feels different.
And different is not necessarily good.
Uh, or at least experientially, it's not necessarily invited or, or welcome.
Uh, we get comfort and predictability from what we know.
And so we might consciously want to go back to that place, even
though we know it's not ideal.
Charlotte wants to add this for you, dear listener, who's also stuck in shutdown.
She says Try to identify what shutdown feels like and looks like for you,
and then allow yourself to give into the shutdown tendencies instead of
fighting it because it's not what you're supposed to feel or act like.
For me, at least allowing myself to be in shutdown has opened a door to
gently ease out of shutdown toward a safety state instead of getting
stuck in fight, flight, or freeze.
Yeah, it touches upon, I think, exactly what I said that instead of fighting
it because it's not how you are or are not supposed to be, uh, embrace it.
Shutdown has a function.
It evolved within us for a reason.
It's not a bad thing in and of itself.
Does your shutdown state limit your capacity to work and kick butt in life?
Yeah.
And to connect with others and build meaningful relationships?
Yeah, it does.
So yeah, it's limiting, just like fight and flight and freeze, but it's not bad.
So there's no one way you're supposed to think and act and feel.
I like what she says that Don't fight it off, basically.
Shutdown is here for a reason.
It's not random.
You're in a shutdown state, probably due to the context of
your life, present and past.
And so rather than fighting that you're in shutdown, can you embrace it?
And can you give yourself moments of calm, relaxation, and stillness?
Can you get in that warm blanket with a warm tea, versus telling yourself, "I'm
not supposed to feel like this," and then distracting yourself with your phone?
One of those is more embracing of shutdown than the other.
Can you be with one person that feels safe and that you smile with, and who accepts
you fully, versus isolating in your room with the lights off, watching a Netflix
series from beginning to end in one day?
One of those.
is more embracing of shutdown than the other.
So instead of fighting it, can you connect with it compassionately on some level?
And that completely depends on the strength of your safety state.
The next person to share their thoughts is Rosa.
She says, I'd be interested to know more about the different degrees of
shutdown because I'm convinced there is a mild form that all of us are in
a lot of the time, but we're still functional and able to do stuff.
We're just not connected to our bodies or the here and now.
One particular challenge for me is that I can see how shutdown protects
me from certain aspects of my life that are too painful to deal with
like chronic fatigue and isolation.
Coming out of shutdown means being more aware of those things and
although I can't change those things, especially isolation, unless I come
out of shutdown, it can't change overnight and it's not easy to change.
So there's this bit in between where I'm super aware of my dissatisfaction
with my life and I can see why my nervous system goes into
shutdown to cope with this reality.
So the first part of this, Rosa, I definitely agree with.
I think each of us has some level of disconnection, and maybe I would
call it some level of shutdown that is present within us every day.
Well, we all do.
I mean, it's all these states are on at all times.
But there is some level of disconnection.
Disconnection can kind of come from flight and fight as well.
I agree that there is probably some level of disconnection.
How many of us are aware that we have emotions in our body.
Um, like there, there is some chronic level of disconnection, you
know, top down that we all have.
And is that due to family?
Yeah.
Culture, political stuff, um, social stuff, you know, in our interpersonal
issues, our own issues internally, where we reject how we think and feel.
Yeah.
Like it's all these things put together.
There's just disconnection, disconnection, disconnection.
So yeah, I agree.
And that's probably like a daily, just chronic underlying level of shutdown
that we all have in that context, but that also could come from flight fight.
So, um, mostly i'm agreeing with Rosa here, I think.
And yeah, it does have a function.
There are things that are too much in life.
And so shutdown helps numb us from the pains of that
like maybe a chronic illness.
It doesn't change overnight As we come out of it, we become more aware
of how unhappy we are with life.
And that's, well, we're probably aware of that in shutdown, but as we come out of
shutdown, we have more fight activation.
So that level of frustration with life and our functioning in it probably goes up.
And that's potentially a really good sign that we're coming out of shutdown.
If, if we're not as numb, then that means we're not as shut down.
And so that might come through as irritability and
aggressiveness or even anxiousness.
If you're feeling those things, that means, Hey, you're not quite
shut down now as you were before.
So can we embrace those feelings, um, and keep climbing our Polyvagal ladder?
It is possible.
And again, safety state strength is unbelievably important in that
mindfulness, maybe meditation practices, maybe use utilizing movement as a means
to channel or funnel that activation.
Rosa says to you, dear listener, and Rosa has been in shutdown four to 10 years.
She says If you're experiencing shutdown right now, please
know that you haven't failed.
You're not broken.
You're just overwhelmed and your nervous system is trying to cope with that
in what it thinks is the best way.
Be gentle with yourself.
Maybe you can do one small thing that brings you some comfort or brings a
tiny bit of awareness to your body.
I love that.
Thank you Rosa for sharing your thoughts with everyone.
I love that idea one thing I think that's huge personally.
In the Stucknaut Collective, the private community, I do these
Daily Growth Hub challenges.
And a lot of times it's just like, what's one small thing that you can do today?
What is one two minute mindfulness exercise that you can do today?
I think those little micro moments of safety or micro moments of mindfulness
where we connect with what we're feeling inside, I think those are enormous and can
do a ton in shutdown, especially because in shutdown things seem so overwhelming.
So if you can do a two minute mindfulness exercise- or even a 30 second one- you
If you can do that, that's probably a lot better than a 30 minute meditation
that you're struggling through.
Like seriously.
So thank you Rosa.
And I, I, I double that.
Like those little, those little moments of connection of
mindfulness of safety are enormous.
Ellie, who's been in shutdown four to 10 years also says to you, dear
listener, Shutdown can feel like forever.
Calm and grounded can seem so impossible that it isn't even on
the map to get out of shutdown.
But it's there.
Your body and mind want to help you.
You're in shutdown because a part of you is trying to protect you.
Honor that part.
It wants to help.
It just doesn't know how.
I love this, Ellie.
I love this.
This is, again, speaking to, can you validate what you're feeling?
Can, can you acknowledge it?
Can you normalize it?
That it's there for a reason and maybe it's even protective.
And can you give it permission to be there?
So even though it seems so far away, it is possible to get to a state of safety.
It is possible to have small moments of calm, small moments of relaxation
or connection, or basically stillness.
Stillness is the, is the combination of your safety
state with your shutdown state.
So can you be in shutdown, but also have your safety state active?
Yeah, it is very much possible.
And that might be step one, like just reduce stimulation around you.
That, that might be the, the next step forward.
Okay, the next response is from Smokey Moon, who has been in
shutdown for 50 plus years.
Smokey Moon says, simply, elegantly, and poignantly, This is not your fault.
dear listener who's also in shutdown, this is not your fault.
And I, I don't really have much to add to that.
Um, yeah, ditto, ditto on my end.
I, I agree.
It's not your fault, but actually I will add something to this.
You, dear listener who's stuck in shutdown, you might blame yourself.
You might say, "Well, today I didn't, all I did was stay in bed all day."
And "I didn't live up to what I want to as a parent or as an
employee or a business owner.
I just.
This is my fault.
I'm choosing this state every day.
I'm choosing my thoughts."
Um, to that I would say It's completely okay to take stock, take inventory,
to audit your daily life and look at what you are and are not happy with.
That's fine.
We're not content with, we're not proud of.
Nothing wrong with that at all.
Now is your stuck, shut down state your fault?
Meh.
I mean, the reason why it's there, probably not, but can you
take responsibility every day for doing something differently?
Yeah, I think it's a really good idea.
Even though it's not your fault.
Sadly, the responsibility is on all of us to improve ourselves, to self
regulate out of our stuck defensive state.
That it is on us.
And hopefully we help each other out and have people in our lives
that are co regulators, but ultimately, yeah, it's up to us.
So hopefully we can agree that while it's not your fault, you're stuck in
shutdown, probably, that it is your responsibility and there are things
that you can do every day to feel a little bit more proud of yourself.
So instead of binge watching Netflix, can you listen to, or can you do a two
minute meditation or mindfulness practice?
Can you, you know, reduce stimulation for two minutes and exist in silence and give
yourself permission to feel what you feel and maybe say something kind of yourself?
Yeah.
You can probably do that.
Um, so you're probably not going to, none of us are going to fully self regulate
out of shutdown completely and entirely and forever starting today, probably
not, but we can absolutely take some steps in that direction every single day.
And so today, and in this moment right now, you have an opportunity to do that,
and I really hope you embrace that.
I hope you don't, um, end your day with, uh, even more regret,
and more guilt, and more shame.
Or at least with less of those things, because I hope you do
something different starting today.
If you're not already.
Joe, who has been in shutdown one to three years, says to you, Dear Listener, Your
shutdown experience does not define you.
You are very capable of getting out of that state.
You're so loved and appreciated.
You're so resilient for getting through this.
Yeah, I think Joe, I think you are correct in that.
There, um, I, I really appreciate that when I ask people who are in
shutdown, just all the positivity, all of the, the love they have to give,
even to strangers who are listening to this, that's, it's really cool.
So even though it feels alone and shutdown is kind of alone, um, you're not alone
in shutdown in the sense that there are absolutely other people that are
experiencing what you're going through.
And that's- like I'm in the Stucknaut Collective that's the intention
is to the people who are into the Polyvagal theory and working on
self regulation and putting these pieces together, let's let's meet up.
Let's talk about this stuff here and work together.
And I even have something called, um, shut down and stillness, which
is a live cohort specifically for people who are in shutdown.
And that has been awesome so far.
I'm loving that.
And it's, it's, um, it's really cool to see people embrace, okay, I'm
in shutdown, but I can also work on feeling safe and, and then getting into
stillness by combining those two things.
Anne number one says, I didn't know what I didn't know.
70 is late to analyze childhood trauma.
I get what Anne is saying.
70, is it too late?
No, obviously not.
Is it too late to start to work on yourself?
To self reg, to work on self regulation?
To get more satisfaction from life?
No, it's not too late.
Is it later than 24 years old?
Yeah, it's later, but it's not too late.
I think it's actually, it's better than nothing, right?
It's, it's better than too late.
It's a hell of a lot better than too late.
It's better than 71.
It's better than 72.
It's better than 80.
It's better than 90.
So if you're working on this stuff at 70, you still have more life to go.
I'm glad, I'm glad that you're working on this.
I'm glad that you're working on self regulation.
Does that mean you have to delve into childhood trauma?
I don't think so.
Uh, personally, I don't, that's not the way I work.
That's not the way I teach.
If you want to go ahead, uh, but you can absolutely today, you know, uh,
put some attention, some compassion, some mindfulness into what you feel in
this present moment, not even today, just, just in the present moment, in
the present moment, can we connect with the experience of numbness?
Yeah, yeah, we can do that.
Do we have to reflect upon childhood trauma in this moment?
No, you don't have to.
And I think a lot more good can be done through prioritizing feeling safe and
then permitting your other feelings to be there that ones that are we typically
try to avoid- and this is not just for seventy year olds This is for everybody.
I think more good can come from that in this present moment right now
versus trying to address specific instances of childhood trauma.
Now if you want to keep working on safety and building that up and you're
now you're ready to address childhood trauma or whatever other traumas, a week
from now, two weeks from now, months, years from now, sure, go right ahead.
But in this present moment, it's not too late to start adding a little bit
more safety in your life or compassion toward the stuff that doesn't feel great.
It's not too late.
Honestly, it's the present moment, so it's probably the perfect time.
Nade who has been in shutdown in the past year says to you, Dear Listener,
the sun is always above the cloud.
Oh, I like that.
The sun is always above the clouds.
If you do not see the sun or feel its warmth, it does not mean it is not there.
Shut down alters your perception of reality.
What you feel is real is not reality.
That's really interesting.
The, um, and Nadia is correct that no matter what state we're in, it does
filter the experience of reality.
So there probably is one, we, we, we, there is an objective
reality outside of us.
There is an objective reality.
The state that we're in, whether it's safety, flight, fight, shutdown, freeze,
or, or something else, the state that we're in directly becomes a filter
for the external objective reality.
Someone in shutdown experiences things differently than someone who's in fight.
Neither of them are right or wrong.
It's, it's different.
Someone who's in safety probably has, I would, I would, I assume and understand
that probably has a more present moment objective connection with reality.
With the external reality.
Does it mean they're always right?
No, of course not.
But, uh, their level of present moment connection is, is, is higher than
someone who's in a defensive state.
And as you access more and more safety, you'll notice how fundamentally
different reality is how much more enlivened you are within, but also
how much vibrant the world is outside.
The metaphor of sun is above the clouds is, is like so perfect for shutdown too.
As the clouds clear, then the, um, well, self regulation unfolds.
And then we can see the sun, then we can touch upon safety.
Anne number two, who's been in shutdown one to three years, has a
lot to say to you, Dear Listener.
She says.
Hi friend, capital F.
Hi Friend, I'm here.
May my own experiences of shutdown offer you a sense that you are truly not alone.
We may have not experienced shutdown together in the exact same time or the
exact same ways, but I know that it is that experience of being so immobile
we can't move, barely move, or want to move, or want to even be alive sometimes,
or make a sound, or make the tiniest single efforts, or anything at all.
You still love who you love, you still love the things
you love, you are still you.
That hasn't changed because of your shutdown.
It's an honestly uncomfortable thing when you just don't want to
do a single thing, and I get it.
There are truly so many real reasons for your shutdown.
Real experiences of times when you were being a genuine human being,
trying to survive those moments.
Maybe it was during a time when you gave it your all because you cared.
Or maybe it was during a time when you thought or felt you
were doing the right thing.
Or maybe it was people being cruel or releasing their past traumas onto you.
Or it was a horrible, frightening event.
Period.
Being in shutdown is not a forever thing.
It will happen for the time being to help you save what's left of your energy.
It's your body watching out for you.
Even though it feels like s----.
It's honestly you being as gentle to yourself as it knows how
after what you've went through.
So, Friend, you aren't a bad person.
You're no word that describes anything remotely bad or negative
or unworthy of kindness in any way.
You are a human trying to save yourself in one of the most incredible
responses we are meant to do.
And just from my own experience, sometimes I am able to climb out of
shutdown, like in a force myself to do it kind of way, because you know,
life and all the responsibilities.
Where sometimes I climb out of shutdown very, very, extremely slowly.
And there are times when I have been in shutdown for years.
There isn't one clear answer of how to solve it or get out of it.
If any of these words feel safe, please take whatever you feel is right for you.
Patience, love, rest.
Take as much time as you need.
Reach out to someone you trust or seek help when you feel ready.
Let the world be while you let yourself be.
And that is totally okay.
Anne number two, that was incredible.
I'm gonna leave it at that.
I have nothing to add to that.
Karyn had a little bit more of her own personal context I wanted to
share that, you know, maybe people could relate to, and I think it's
a really good example of Shutdown.
Karyn says, How rare it is for anybody to know about it.
You can't tell most people, "Oh, I'm in shutdown right now."
Recently, I did a group mushroom ceremony.
I was with six women I've known for 10 plus years, and we had a guide we paid.
I told the guide about my rough MDMA experience.
For the mushroom journey, I cried for most of the three hours.
It was very painful.
I kept trying to pull myself out of the sadness.
That level of crying is dysregulating for me.
It was not cathartic in that context.
I felt shame because I kept crying, and I couldn't have the expansive loving
experience I had held for my intention.
The guide would not acknowledge that I'd had a bad trip.
She kept telling me the positive.
The next morning, I tried to spin it as well as I could when we had the
integration session together as a group.
The guide went into this weird questioning with me and kept
trying to make me see the positive.
And I told her that I was in shutdown and was unable to
find the positive or feel it.
She just kept pushing and pushing.
It was like she had to show the group her skills.
And I got to the point where I told her I wanted to be downstairs under my bed.
She kept at it, and my being somehow got very stubborn and a little angry.
So then I said, I was just going to ---- myself when my money runs out.
I still can't believe I said that.
It's only a tiny bit true.
I'm much more resourced emotionally than that makes me sound.
That was a classic shutdown statement.
But the morning after mushrooms, one is not one's usual self.
I described shutdown repeatedly, thinking she'd eventually
get it, but she never did.
She was obsessed with how I needed to drop my limiting beliefs, and I'd be fine.
I processed this experience with a wise integration therapist who told
me never to do psychedelic therapy in a group setting, or at least
not until I'm much more integrated.
She also said that guide was probably only experienced with run of the mill
trauma and not the kind of trauma that my body is working through.
I hope you can see the shutdown in the story.
It shows up and most people don't know what they are seeing, and yet
I'm pretty sure everyone in that mushroom ceremony has been in shutdown.
They just didn't know it, and perhaps they don't get stuck.
And healing professionals who think they know healing, well, in my view,
they all need Polyvagal Theory training.
Yes, Karyn, I completely agree, and I appreciate you sharing that really
descriptive experience of shutdown.
So even if someone isn't going through a mushroom ceremony, I think what
you described is extremely relatable.
The idea of, well, if you just stop thinking that way, if you just stop
feeling that way, well, if you just change your behaviors, Like, okay, but well, how?
How do I, how do we do that?
How do we do that without rejecting who we are and how we feel?
Because I think it's important, I think, to compassionately notice, normalize,
and even permit how we feel is, is important very important and necessary
for the process of self regulation.
So if we just say, well, think differently, feel
differently, act differently.
Um, that's nice.
It's a nice idea, but it's also kind of ridiculous.
All right.
So then Karyn goes on to say for you, your listener, another thought for you.
She says, The first step is to notice.
Then, sit with it for a bit and notice what is happening, which
is usually the lack of what can be noticed, but this is important.
So I get to the point of, oh, here I am in shutdown, and I'm grateful I've seen this.
Then, I make a list of what I can do to start the process of shifting.
Journaling, somatic practice to be in my body, maybe some music and
movement, running my hands up and down my arms and or legs, touching my face.
Be patient and gentle.
Karen says.
Those are really good ideas.
And Karyn, those are awesome that it's from you.
It's what your body wants.
It's telling you this is what I need.
And so you act on it.
That's perfect.
That is beautiful.
And Dear Listener, I would invite you to do the same.
I don't know if running your hands up and down your body is good for you.
I'm not here to give a prescription like just do this thing and you'll feel better.
That's not the point.
If you can permeate yourself to feel the way you feel, your body
will tell you what it needs.
Eventually, if you could listen deep enough, Cindy J says, who's
been in shutdown the past year says, Be patient with yourself and
don't be afraid to ask for help.
Love it, and maybe even asking for help is if that's too much, you
know, like listening to something like this, listening to trusted
sources, um, maybe that's the first step toward asking for help.
If you can do this, then is there someone in your life or even a professional that
you can work with and ask for help in a way that feels comfortable for you?
Robert, who's been in shutdown one to three years says to you, dear
listener, he says, I feel you.
It is going to be okay.
Yes, it sucks, but hell, let's keep going and figure or not
figure this out together.
I love that Robert, that message of like togetherness, and there's even a
little bit of fight activation in there.
It's like yeah, it sucks, but what the heck, let's do it.
There's some motivation there, I love it.
Nanna, who has been shut down within the past year, says, This too will pass.
But you must be curious to understand yourself and show self compassion.
Digging in harder doesn't give you the path out of this.
Your body is not the enemy and your mind is not the boss.
You must connect the two and be curious to know who you are and believe you can
heal with authentic connection in time.
That is very wise, Nanna.
so much for that.
Dee, who has been in shutdown one to three years, also says, This too shall pass.
Put one foot in front of the other and allow yourself to make small
shifts, small wins, no judgment, only compassionate inquiry.
Gradually things will change.
Ellen, who's been in shutdown 31 to 40 years, says, Even if it completely feels
like you are all alone, you are not.
Please, please do not give up.
Please be extremely kind to yourself.
This is part of the human experience.
I know it is so tough.
Please do not make it harder for yourself.
Linda, who's been in shutdown 50 plus years, says, You're not alone.
There is help out there and finally there is light at the end of the tunnel.
The Polyvagal Theory has been the life saving rescue for me.
I've actually had glimpses of being able to think clearly and not being afraid.
Soon I hope the glimpses will come together more and I can
live peacefully and enjoy my life and not be afraid anymore.
Just try it because it brings tremendous relief even with only
the small glimpses at first.
But you will feel yourself trying to come alive and that causes you to keep
trying to get into ventral vagal safety to finally start feeling free of the
drudge, confusion, and fear you feel now.
Thank you so much, Linda.
Yeah, those small moments.
They go a long way.
Don't give up.
Do the small moments.
Sharon simply says, Your body is telling you to lower your stimulation.
Listen and get soothed.
You are worth it.
Sz says, I understand what's keeping you in the state.
I would like you to become conscious of this state of yours and accept it.
There were things in life that moved you down the Polyvagal ladder.
Be self compassionate.
There is nothing wrong with shutting down.
It's your system signaling you that "I can't take anymore."
I, I completely agree with SZ here.
The only thing I'll tweak here is that I think when SZ says, "accept"
it, the way I understand this, the way I'm reading it is, that doesn't
mean you have to be okay with it.
"Accept it" means, uh, validate it, recognize it.
Maybe normalize it, and actually that's what SZ says here, is that it's
not random, it's there for a reason.
Um, and it's your body saying, "I can't take anymore."
So accept, accept means, in this context I'm hearing it as, "accept"
means validate, normalize, and even give it permission to be.
Jessica, who has been in shutdown, it looks like between one to
thirty years, maybe there's been a few different bouts of it.
Jessica says, All I say to people in shutdown is that shutdown sucks.
And it does get so, so, so much better.
There is more to life than what you in shutdown have been experiencing.
I spent 28 to 29 years being disconnected, dissociated slash in shutdown.
And I can personally say through my experience that going from shutdown,
experiencing safety is, is very difficult.
And for me, it is not fun.
And it is filled with steps backwards and weird curves on the road to recovery.
But even though it is the most difficult thing I have
ever and will ever experience.
I would encourage every person who is stuck in shutdown, specifically those
who are stuck, to just keep trying.
Keep moving through life because getting out of shutdown is 100 percent
WORTH IT -experiencing safety and experiencing connection with people.
Oh my gosh, I can't even come up with the words to describe how
magnificent these things are.
Work through shutdown at your own pace, but you can do it.
It is possible, and it is worth it.
Thank you, Jessica.
I would definitely take Jessica's advice here.
I'm not hearing Jessica say that it's a magic pill and that you're gonna be fixed
overnight with, well, a magic pill or some hack, some vagal nerve stimulation.
It sounds like it's a process.
It's a process of slow results with small efforts.
And that's a hell of a lot better than nothing.
Uh, but that's pretty normal.
That's pretty normal.
And if you could do those little things every day, it goes a long way.
I know I keep saying that, but it's true.
Suzie, who's been in shutdown the past year, says, Someone once told me, when
you're going through hell, keep going.
Movement's important even if it is a cup of water to your
lips and bread to your mouth.
I love this.
This is so good.
Susie, thank you for this.
The going through hell keep going.
Yeah, like why stay in hell?
You got at least make small steps forward and those small steps might
be drink a little bit of water, eat a little bit of bread, just take care
of your basic foundational pieces.
But those little movements of, you know, your hand to your mouth,
it's, doesn't seem like much, and I guess not, but it's better than
laying and sleeping or oversleeping.
I would say it's better than that.
I think it's better than swiping with your thumb on your phone
hour after hour after hour.
So if you can take care of yourself and do small movements that might even be just
sitting quietly for two minutes and using your eyes to reorient to the environment
and seeing where your eyes take you.
Like that's a small It's a tiny movement just eyes, but you know, it's you're
reconnecting to the environment.
I think it's better than not doing that.
I think it's better than laying in bed in the dark and shaming yourself.
That's it.
That that is the end of the Shutdown Experiences Survey results I hope
you've enjoyed this series and I hope you've gotten a lot out of it.
I hope you feel more normal I hope you feel more validated.
I hope you feel more seen even though these are strangers
going through me, you know?
That was kind of the goal with all this was How can I help my listeners who
are in shutdown and knows a lot of you?
How can I help you feel more seen and more normalized, more validated without
telling you that you're valid and normal, that your feelings are valid and normal.
How can I help connect you with other people?
And that's, this is what I came up with.
And I hope that you got a lot out of this.
The other question I asked here that I didn't go into is what
could be better about the feedback?
And I just, or about the survey, the feedback I got from that.
I got some really good ideas.
So I just want to thank the people who gave me those.
Um, and I also got some really, it was interesting that people
said they got a lot out of doing the survey in and of itself.
Like, just thinking about this stuff, and thinking about their life, and
taking the time to respond, and taking the time to respond knowing that.
I was going to share these results.
Like it just did something for them.
They said, like, they were grateful for the opportunity to reflect on
their life, but also grateful for the opportunity to give to someone else.
Like, that's pretty fricking amazing.
For someone who's in shutdown to do that.
That's, I don't know.
It's awesome.
Thank you for, on my behalf, but also for the listeners.
Thank you for the people who took the time to do this.
There was a couple of people who said, who started the survey and
we're completing it and answering it.
And by the end, they said, I don't have the energy for this anymore.
I'm done.
And they, they, I believe, just I assume just like copy pasted, "I
don't have the energy for this."
And I appreciate you doing that.
Someone from the outside who doesn't have our language and the way we
understand polyvagal theory, they would say, well, this person's lazy.
I see this person.
They showed up.
They started it.
They were answering the questions and they recognize that it's not
because they don't want to, they wanted to, they finished the survey.
They just didn't have the energy to further reflect.
They didn't have the energy to further be compassionate for other people, perhaps.
And that's kind of sad, but also like it is what it is.
And I am so grateful, and I think you're listening, I'm assuming you are as well.
I am so grateful they showed up and did what they could, like
they gave the energy they could.
And then that was it.
And we have what they gave us, and thank you for that.
Thank you for those people that started it, and finished it, but just didn't
have the energy to finish it in the way that they originally wanted.
There were some really kind words for me; I'll keep those for myself.
And I want you to know, I appreciate that.
I appreciate that my podcast and my free content, the blog and the books.
I appreciate, I'm glad that these have been impactful for you.
That is unbelievably fueling for me to, to read those things and to know that the
stuff I put out there is touching somebody else in a way that's beneficial for them.
It, it's fuel.
Like it, it just, it fills me up and I appreciate that and, um, you're welcome.
And thank you for, thank you for sharing that, but also you're
welcome for, uh, for my efforts.
I do plan on doing another survey of this.
I'm going to have it be more comprehensive though.
Some people said, hey, I want to talk to you about my, or I want to share
about my freeze, my freeze experiences.
What about this?
What about that?
So, um, I will release in the future a more comprehensive survey.
It's probably gonna be pretty exhausting in all honesty.
Um, but I don't, I don't know.
I'm just, I'm just playing around with the idea in my head, but I want to
hear about people's experiences with Freeze, with intimacy, with stillness
with play with flight fight like all the polyvagal states and mixed states.
So we'll see how that comes out - that's that's very much
in the back burner right now.
I I just released Book Two Stuck Not Broken Book Two I'm gonna get
going on stuck not broken book three and revising what I have.
It's pretty much already done, but I'll probably spend a couple months
just revising, adding, taking away, just doing a deeper editing process.
On top of that, I'm working on my next cohort.
I have Shut down to Stillness.
Which, uh, is for people in shutdown to access more safety and
to combine those into stillness.
Now I am working diligently on Stillness to Sympathetic, which is for people
who have access stillness, and now are ready for more mobilization.
I'm calling it shutdown is, uh, no Stillness to Sympathetic.
I'm still working on the title, but that's, I'm leaning
toward that at this moment.
Stillness to Sympathetic, um, the cohorts, the courses, all that stuff is available
in the Total Access Membership, that's the courses, the private community,
the live cohorts, the live Q and A's, the meditations I'm adding to.
I have a few of those in there now, just me recording meditations for you.
Uh, there's a lot there in the Total Access Membership.
So.
If you like this, you're going to fricking love the Total Access Membership.
It's a pretty darn comprehensive.
Let me know if you have a question.
Um, there'll be a link in the description for how to learn more about that, but put
a question in the comments on YouTube and, um, or email me Justin at Justin LMFT.
com.
And I'll, I'll address whatever you need as far as the Total Access Membership
it goes or whatever else, just email me and, or message me and leave a
comment and I'll respond to what I can.
That's it.
Thank you for hanging out with me in this episode, but also this entire series.
Uh, I'll stop talking.
Bye.