Hello lovelies, and welcome to this week's episode where we're going to be talking about all things weaning and what babies scoff in, and she is a good scoffer, as well as how we plan to tackle big transition from our bedroom to her own bedroom. Stay tuned.

Good morning everyone.

Good morning. Good morning's. The morning.

Yeah, so I think Tilly's gonna be bringing the energy. This is about as much energy as you're getting from me and it'll slowly fade off throughout the episode.

They're both pretty this week, so we'll get, we'll get into wine a bit, but I had my night off last night, so Iven

Yeah.

just,

By night off she means as in she got to sleep in the spare room and I had baby.

Bring in for feed during the.

Yeah. How's your camera now? Oh, this is the problem

I always end it.

You can't really remember where things start and end.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, I'm not very good at staying still. But yeah, how's your week been? Let's jump into it. I

How's my week been? I it's been alright. You tell me, how have I been?

think you felt better. You've definitely felt less down

Yeah, so,

and less overwhelmed this week.

are just to do with trying to create routine with the baby, which is actually impossible to do. And so I just gave up and let the baby control what, what time she fucking wanted to sleep, and I just decided that I was going to make sure that I had whatever I wanted to do near enough that if she fell asleep, I Crack on with those things rather than trying to structure them at times. So yeah, surrender is the key. Surrender.

Yeah. I do also think, like, I know you obviously can get a baby into a routine, you can do it but it's a lot of work and you have to like, like sacrifice not doing other things while getting them into a routine, same with most things with the baby, but also, I think it's okay if they're not in a routine now because once she's in going to nursery she's going to have to be in a routine, she'll be in a forced routine once it starts, so. It's a couple of months of not being routine, right, the rest of her life is going to be routine. I think whatever's easiest at this stage.

Morning, I nearly succumbed. I nearly broke the emergency glass, and she woke up at half five and I was tired as fuck. I was so close

Going downstairs

to going downstairs and just whacking Dancing Fruit on. I was there like, she doesn't Here's the normal dance we do. And then I found our little, our little swirly light thing. And that just gave me half an hour to just, you know, when you do that, it's kind of, when you wake up in deep sleep, and if you kind of like, roll around with your eyes closed a bit, eventually, you'll You kind of, uh, are awake, as it were, at six.

time.

And so she, that gave me half an hour and then she started just kicking me. Just kicking me loads. And I was like, okay, fine, fair enough. I can get up now. Just so fucking tired, love. When it comes around at like five, I'm like, No, I can, I can go till nine, if you'll let me. But also, it's not like I'm, it's not like I've got, When I used to wake up at five, I had a plan to go do things. Now I just wake up and it's like, I'm just gonna be, do you know what I mean? Just got to be awake. I'm not gonna do anything. I'm just now awake. And so there's no, there's no sense of urgency, there's no sense of purpose. You're just awake and you're tired. So you're like, why am I awake and tired? Yeah, yeah,

You know, quick shop. Alright, okay, let's open the curtains. Let's go for a walk. I think once you've done that you're like cool my day's begun and it's fine, I think

but I, I, I think I've not, I'm not as A weight as a make out, even when I used to get up at 5 and go do things,

No, you're

would still take me a while. Like I'd get to the gym and I'd spend 20 minutes taking a shit, just because, so I'd get to the gym for 5, but I'd be on the loo for 20 minutes being like, ugh, am I ready to go do this? Alright, let's go do this. And then I'll go do my workout. But, irrespective of, I'm happy to get up early, but it usually takes me about half an hour to adjust to the fact that I'm mobile. You're trying to be in the video. You're not meant to be in the video, baby girl. Oh, you're a cheeky

I want to be a star, daddy.

munchkin. Let's get you a little Mexican wrestling mask,

Auntie Erin's gonna get you a bottle of coffee. A

so yeah, I think this week's been pretty good. I mean let's see, let me think. Monday, yeah, I think Monday was very good. Tuesday was pretty good. Wednesday, did anything happen on

of coffee.

you were in work. Again, day was fine. I think I, I mean, I am, I am happy to see you when you come back, because I'm like, yeah, she can now just sit on the boob and I can go into another room and do something. And then, yeah, Thursday, Mum was round, Friday, yeah, I think it was all, Friday was a bit harder, because I was trying to do. I did have things that I needed to do, and so it was harder to just succumb to her, surrender to her routine. Because it was like, well I need to cook, because I was, I was having a, I was going over to a friend's and we were cooking, all just cooking different dishes. And so I was there trying to

That's the

certain things, and she was just like, nah, I need you to pay attention to me. And I was like, no mate,

I'm doing

You're meant to be asleep, are we going to have to pause this, go for a dog walk and then come back? So yeah, how's your week been?

I think it's been better. It's still, again, as we say every week. We're not in a routine that one. But I think we finally thought of a good plan that's actually going to work for us. Time wise, like, getting up at 6 rather than trying to get up at 5 6. And I just go, just palm her off straight away, aren't you?

Yeah,

And then I'm back by half seven and we just go straight for the walk so I can start work by eight. Well sometimes I might be back earlier than half seven but, you know, I definitely will be able to start it by eight.

yeah

Then, it means at the end of the day, rather than me then being like, cool, I'm going to the gym now, I can just take her from you. Because by that point, you tend to be looking like you're pretty much done. And then you can have an hour or whatever you need to do some bits. Like, podcast or whatever, before starting, like, before starting art, sort of like, doing dinner and things.

Yes, I'd like to say I think probably all our friends ask us What's it like, you know, how's your life changed since having a kid? Most of the time, I'm like, it doesn't, there's very little that I'm actually bothered by, but I think routine is a fucker. We've gone from, we've gone from being able to completely dictate our time, to just being like, Okay, I want to do these things, but give up, let go, surrender, fuck it, it's not happening, move on.

this house is all on wage. Because it's not how it used to be.

Productivity in this household has fallen way down Because it's like it used to be that you would do something and I would do something so you could be cooking and I could Be you know doing a dog pick doing I don't know the dishwasher or whatever Yeah, but now it's like one of us has the large to be looking after her Maybe trying to do something on the side,

fall, which is

So much slower.

think

and then,

has yet to have

So yeah, household productivity has fallen through the floor. So that's, that's I think my biggest lesson. For anybody who has yet to have a baby and keeps asking me, what is the thing that you miss the most? Time management. That's what I miss.

Or just outsource what you can't, like, get a cleaner get a cook, basically if you're rich you're fine. Get a nanny,

a nanny. Outsource that too.

it Victorian style, just kiss them goodnight, and get on with the day.

Give them a kiss good morning. Wish them a lovely day. Give them a kiss good night. Yeah. Yeah.

But I think, I think, like you, I've sort of hit a level now where I'm sort of like, This is it now. I'm done with sort of fighting it. So I'm trying to figure out what I can do to work along with it. So like, trying to like, so again, figuring out the routine that actually just disrupts her flow basically as little as possible. So actually that she's really chill and happy first thing in the morning, so that's quite a good time for me to leave her with you. Because she's all like happy and like la la la la la. And then in the evening when she is like, tetchy, being like, Okay, well we know that's not a good time for me to try and leave and do something. Because I can't because she's upset and you're very much done with it, and you're trying to do things, and you're sort of done with trying to not do things around her, so she'll just let her cry out. Well, no, it's not me. They were just against it. You'll just, you're done.

Yeah,

Um, It's Ok, well let's not try and fight that, let's be like ok how can we work with this?

Yeah.

So it is accepting. All right. Yeah, But this weeks been alright. Yeah But then we've had a sort of shit time when it comes to pets in our life this weekend, we? Yeah, videos. Let's find out, eh?

so, three, so your, your best friend Erin, her cat's gone missing.

know, little Greg. Hopefully by now Greg's been found.

Dog,

Yeah, Sidley, has, well we don't know what's wrong, he's not been eating for a week. He's been vomiting loads, and the thing is his liver was pancreas, and it possibly could be cancer because they found a mass. And so he's currently on anti nausea medication and some strong antibiotics to see if that does anything, and if it doesn't then we'll just see. Tackle comes next, but Sid is like mum's bubba,

yeah

they're very very attached. So, I really hope it's the next one. And then, your family dog. Yeah, your mum's Koby. He's 14

Koby, my dog. Dog that we got, how old was I, I don't know, I think I was like 12? I must have been more, I must have been, I think I was 16, I

16.

think I was younger than 16.

How old is Koby? You're 30.

tortoises that

you,

how old they are. He's just like that. I don't think I

what were you doing? Were you at school? Or were you at 6th form?

was in sixth form yet.

Fuck me, he's really fucking old.

Yeah.

So he's like 15 years old. I don't know, I was

was, I was doing my GCSEs,

GCSE. Okay, so he's probably like 14, still 14, he's fucking old. Did you play Labrador? No,

I was doing my GCSEs, because I remember I was on study days for my GCSEs when we first got him as a puppy and so I would be

he'd need like

sat studying in the living room to be downstairs to, to try and help train him. Yeah, I wasn't very good at studying,

try

And

so

he,

it, and

get bored as puppies do because they need, They need frequency, they need like five minutes very regularly of attention, like play and stuff like that. They get tired very quickly, but they get amped up and restore energy very quickly. And so that's not very conducive to trying to learn and study, because every 20 minutes you're meant to be sort of playing with them for five minutes. And so he just used to, I'll be there reading my books, he used to just run through, and And just look dead at me, and piss on the carpet,

and run away.

I'm like, fuck sake, okay mate. so yeah, he's pretty old. He might

So he's had very good innings.

but he's yeah, he's had some sort of a stroke like thing. so he's currently at an emergency vet, they've been there overnight, they've stabilized him. But I don't, I don't know how much, that's what's next. But uh, unfortunately so.

No, I think his end is nigh.

Unfortunately so.

So we were just looking at Fatty yesterday and we're like, don't you fucking dare. You better be fine. Because I'm not dealing with a fourth pet. He's very solid.

The more worry is that he'd get stolen. I

Yeah.

it's the rest of him. Or he'd just run off after a squirrel.

Yeah, I mean, when he's locked at home, I'm not worried about

Exactly, he's got, he's got a high chase drive. So it's likely he'd lose him to a pheasant or some shit.

Yeah. But we've had lots of fun weaning this week, haven't we? Yeah. So Bubs is starting to eat a bit more now, a bit more regularly. So we're sort of just trying little tidbits. We're still trying to do an evening meal together and then sort of, she might have like, try a little snacks with her during the day. So she absolutely loves chewing on a spring onion, which is a pretty strong bold flavor, but it's meant to be quite good for their teething pain. She bloody loved a bit of dried mango, didn't she?

Yeah, so dried fruits are brilliant for winning. Babies love them. But, parents, beware.

just kind of sucks and

Dried mango especially. So, she holds it in her hand, and she just kind of sucks and sucks on it, and gnaws on it. So she sucks and gnaws. So obviously the gnawing will be very nice for her teeth. And as she gnaws, she'll release lots of flavor, but she drools at the same time. So she starts just rehydrating

start to

the mango,

with her finger,

and then it becomes really slimy. And so she'll then suck, and she'll suck it out of her hand, into her throat. So you've then just got to be ready to just plunge in with your finger, just try and pull this mango out. Yeah.

she's feeding herself just because for us we think it's more interesting, a bit more, you know, different textures. I wouldn't want to eat puree all the time so I see probably baby wouldn't either. But we know obviously a lot of parents get worried when they do this with a young baby because there is more risk, there is a high risk of choking obviously.

Yeah.

But I think as long as you're there and watching her it's fine. But basically because she loves dried fruits which I then went out with her on Friday. I bought like a selection of dried fruits. So she's now got big dried pears which went down really well. She loves the dried pears. The whole half of the pear dried. Fully dried bananas but not like the crispy ones. They're like chewy but they're whole ones which is quite good for her to hold I think. They look disgusting. They look absolutely minging. They look like a dog treat sort of thing. So we've not tried them out yet. And she's got the apple, like, little chewy apple rings and that sort of stuff. So it's all, it's all fun and games, isn't it? She had a bit of omelette today. Maybe we'll try some Porridge later, but who knows

can move on to Bwesson, can't she? Other

buy some super

Monshed,

a mass of meat in this house. We don't eat masses of meat

don't think

car meat, pocket meat Obviously any meat we want to compare with, we want to make sure it's like a good quality and we realize that's you know That's a very privileged thing to say like we're lucky enough to be able to buy a good piece of meat every now and again

can,

Yeah, exactly

Like if we ate meat for every

We'd have to buy shitty meat Yeah,

you buy a lot less, you can buy a lot

yeah, so we found a good butcher that we're going to go to and just get us some like, organic grass fed, all that sort of stuff.

Spuffler baby girl?

I was thinking, if it wasn't so high in salt, something like jerky or biltong would be quite nice to chew on.

Well, we can make it ourselves as a

But it needs salt, doesn't it? That's part of the curing process.

No, I don't

No?

so. No, because the first time I made it, I didn't, I didn't use any soil. I didn't make it very well, I literally just dried silverside

Maybe we'd look into it then, because I think that could be quite a nice texture again for her to chew on.

to the liver kings, see what the fuck he's gonna say.

There's also the

Do you want some, do you want some liver?

Dried liver? Mmm. Fatty would be like, give it to

Give

me the dried liver!

liver! prostate.

the one thing they do need from six months is iron. Everything else they're still getting from the breast milk, but the one

Liver. Liver. You're going to be a liver baby.

baby.

baby!

We'll get you, like, dragon

Liver baby! Yeah, you're going to be a liver baby!

you dragon tires. We'll get you super tanned.

Draw on a six pack.

Yeah. so yeah, more fun and games.

Get you on the roids. You're

I mean, she's got roids.

Oh yeah, Brassmelt. Double

Growth hormone. Pumping it into her already, don't you worry. Oh, I've got a breast which is like, holding itself up boobies. What else this week? Has anything happened? Oh yeah, she's been sleeping in her own room, that's quite a big one. So, yeah, we've finally got her like, cot ready and she's at a place now we think, oh she's ready to start moving into her own room. So we're now putting her down in her cot in her room each night, and she's about seven ish and she tends to stay there pretty well, till about nine, half nine. Then she needs another feed and an appetiter, then she tends to go down until around two most nights, but then two onwards. Just not having it. From two till like we get up at six. She doesn't really want to be off here. She's much more clingy for

we don't, we won't spend as much time settling her. Like obviously, up until nine, we're awake anyway. And so we're willing to sort of, spend half an hour getting her into a deep sleep. Whereas like, you alright over there? Or is it like two in the morning? You're not there like, oh, I'll just stay up for half an hour

Also, I'd ever I don't have much time Like, concept of time at that point. So I don't like looking at my phone because I don't want to have all the screen

Yeah.

of just going, I fed her, she's asleep. I feel like she's been asleep for quite a while. But she might not have actually been asleep that long. I might have just felt like a long time, too many.

Because I've found, like, when I, some nights, when I take her, if I do just wake up, and just go on my phone for like half an hour, 45 minutes, and let her sleep in my arms, It used to be able to transition into the next

Hmm.

me. Obviously I absolutely fuck my sleep because then my body is completely awake too and I've got to re go through that kind of, you know, removing the blue light from my system process and stuff like that and it means that you have an absolutely shit second half of

Which basically what we need to do is be better people and like, read a book, wear red light. At that time.

to stay awake reading.

It's actually

especially red, like

to do it on

your eyes open

own than to do

You need to just get up and do some press ups,

own. You have to just get like, do some squats and then hold her. Hold her. But just something doesn't quite sit right with us yet about doing it. I think we're getting to that stage where we're sort of Yeah, I think we need

I think we need to

that we do it in

work out when, because You've got to accept that, you know, there's going to be a weekend, or a longer, like a long weekend of pretty shit sleep. And just make sure that we do it in the way that's least, you know, impinging as it were. Because, like, obviously there's varying degrees of ignoring. Like, some people just don't go in the room. Let the baby completely cry and just like watch them on the monitor and other people will go into the room, look at the baby, walk straight out, make sure the baby's seen them, then they walk out. Other people will go in, will talk to the baby, other people will go in, touch the baby, but like, the main rules, don't pick up the baby, but obviously there are all these other like, steps, that reassure, but slow your baby's progress.

Also, I think like, you know, difference in your baby's cries by this stage. So like the other night when she woke up, she was making noises and stuff, but she wasn't, she clearly wasn't in a distress cry.

yeah.

She said, well, and then sort of, we decided we'd go pick her up anyway after a while. And then I then sort of realized off that was a mistake done that shoulda left.

But that's the other thing, we probably need to speak to our neighbours, and just be like,

Yeah, I definitely think we should do that. We should,

we should, yeah, we should try and speak to them this weekend or next week, and just sort of say that next weekend, there's going

You're going to hear a lot of crying. I apologize.

a war on sleep.

I'd like to know, does that sort of have another house mobile? Just maybe go to your other house,

Yeah, just go to your London

or put some earplugs in.

Yeah.

And the

And the other thing that we've realised is, we have incredible privilege in that we have a spare bedroom, so. We can divide and conquer, and, because we've got, you know, she's got two parents, she's lucky enough in

I will definitely need earplugs though, because when she's crying downstairs, I can't speak to her.

I know, but what I mean is, one of us can do

We can tag team each night, yeah. One of us that knows, you know,

know, we can work out how we want to do it. So, because it might, because it might be that we decide either night on, night off, or we might do, like, The first part one of us takes because we know she sleeps and then the second part the other one takes and we switch the next night because it's the second part that's the issue, it's not the first

Yeah, yeah. No,

2 and then you were 2 till 8.

I'd stay, I'd do the first half of the night.

yeah. And I'd get up at 2, 3 in the

You were struggling to stay awake late enough, so I'd stay awake. Yeah, I think maybe this week I discuss with work, is there a point coming up in the next few weeks where I can take like a Monday, like a Friday and a Monday off?

Yeah

because, Although I could work, I'm probably not going to be particularly productive on those

with your mum taking her on Thursday night, it's probably best that

of Sid. So we're going to play this. It's unlikely, I think, that it'll happen this week because of Sid. Maybe we just need to do some napping during this as

night, obviously, she's going to be all After the first night, she's going to be really fucking tired. And so, if we can go into it, if we can farm off the first night I'll just be fucking rejuvenated because she's not been there so we slept like a log. She comes into it tired, we come into it fucking fighting fresh. We're winning the battle. But the worry is the wall of attrition. She sleeps during the day, we don't. So she needs to be on the back foot. We're so bad at it, love. And again, it's really hard for us because she doesn't have any routine. You and I, to go to sleep, we need to do things, we need to like, set the place up so we can go to sleep, like we need to go close curtains, we need to, you

We can sort of make her sleep at certain times. Like we know when she's getting tired. We said we get okay, she's getting tired. Let's go upstairs, shut the curtains, we'll get into bed. We could do that

Yeah.

because is normally so we're like, okay, well let's just get some stuff done. And then like being on the so forth her or something, I said we could just accept that we're not gonna get, we're gonna get shit all done for four days. Like, pre made meals. Get it all. Let's set ourselves

war on sleep.

Yeah!

As that American guy likes to call it. Team no sleep!

on my hand? But that's what we're sort of gearing up for, isn't it? Come on! But to be fair to her, like, staying in the room, with one feet in the middle, but from seven till two, by herself, is still a massive step from what she has been doing. So she's doing really well.

Yeah, she's doing great.

we had a fun bathroom yesterday, you heard a boy's gone out on Friday. Boi, boi. And

doing a party. It's 30.

really wasn't a girls night, she went to bed at half six, so it was just me by myself. But, you know, I had a nice takeaway. And she'll

without Zolo.

Yeah. And then she woke up super early, like five o'clock she was up on a Saturday. So we was like, I was like, cool, let's get up and clean the bathroom. So we cleaned the bathroom and had a, and had a bubble bath together.

And she drank a lot of that water.

And not a lot, not a lot. She did it a couple times and I was like, okay, let's just lift you out a

very deep, it was like up

I forgot how much it would go up when I got in. So I put her in it and then got in the bathroom and, oh yeah, I displaced quite a lot of water. But she wasn't in that seat most of the time. Most of the time she was on me and we were just playing with the toys together. It was just like when I was getting her in and out.

go in Because the problem was,

Yeah. So we've also got, I don't know if you can tell, a hole in the bathroom. We need

you'd fill a whole bath when you actually only needed like A third of it to be, well less, like a quarter of it to be

So it's

And so we've got a cement bucket now, that's like a 72 litre cement bucket, that we can fill the water in it. And that's better for our hot water, because we don't actually have enough hot water to fill like a whole bath. I don't really have it on that long. Yeah, you've got to kind of put the hot water on for like half an hour before you can have

hot water on. but we had fun still. so yeah. I was pretty tired yesterday, you were pretty tired after your lads night on the dinner.

Yeah,

And then we had fun travelling around, seeing

families with their ailing pets.

Yeah, so we helped Aaron post up, you know, posters. For wee Greg, and then we went to see your mum. And today we're seeing your auntie.

Hi guys, thank you very much for listening. We really appreciate it. And if you're enjoying it, please let us know by leaving a review or sending us some feedback. The email is blabberingpod at gmail. com. We'd love to hear your stories, any feedback, any news, any thoughts. Also, you can find us on Instagram. The handle is Blabbering pod. We're active on there as well. So you could DM us and Yeah, if you've got five seconds, please leave a rating if you've got a bit more Please leave a review the words are very helpful and give us a follow. Cheers. Enjoy the rest of the episode

She said some weird poos. Let's just chat about her scats. I think that's enough.

okay. We'll have to try and, we'll have to work hard to try

I mean, we can talk about how gross they were. That's fucking entertaining, quite frankly. Skiddly

a good scat chat.

up, bah, scat Do you

being on shared parental leave, i. e. me being the primary caregiver, not the sole, as I keep saying,

the day most

with my

I

I feed her, Um, Um, I, I

Sorry, if you don't see my arm moving up and down, it's because I'm waving a blanket to try and entertain, so. I'm,

I'm, I'm really bad at trying to multitask, I need to just be focusing on one thing at a time, because I like to give things my undivided attention, while my wife just waves a blanket and tries to listen to me.

I can do these things. I'm a woman. And,

so I had the, the little things that I do still do is I've, I've got a like call for a sort of startup thing that I'm involved in and that just happens once a week. And so I was on this call on a

video. We

we were talking about something, and it was something that actually, that kind of required my input, and I just had, and then I just heard this Pfft,

couldn't believe it. And just watched the face flick. Which

and she just kind of

isn't it? And then I was

then I was like, oh fuck, she hadn't pooed for,

or?

yeah, I think it had been a while, I think we were approaching the day and a half point.

game. Uh, so I just

And so I just had to quickly kind of go on mute, spin my laptop somewhat, so they could see my body. But they obviously couldn't see what I was doing. And so, she managed to have a full blown poo splosion where it came out the front and out the back.

I opened

then when I opened it up,

a piece

it looked like fucking sagaloo. It was because, with her weaning, she's eating all these sorts of weird things, like, with skins

she can't digest

pear, she'll eat And she can't digest the skins, because she can't chew. So she doesn't chew these

of skin down.

Yeah, and so it looks like sort of that boiled spinach kind of stuff, so it looks like she'd done a big shitty sagaloon in

she had quite a few of them. She did one the other day. It was when you were doing your creme brulee, and you gave it to her and you didn't realise she'd done a poo. So I was giving her a few and I was like, You're stinky.

yeah

And the night was like, Oh, okay. And it was all, after she'd given us a mashed blueberries the day before or something. So it was just full of all It was just her really roughagey, nappy, Like sort of like lots of like What was it? Like dark green piss, like liquid that's soaked into her nappy. And then just loads of like roughage, like fallen leaves in her nappy. And it's all bitty and stuck to her arse.

know.

well. Yeah, and,

Yeah, it looks like, it also looks a bit like, did you ever play on AstroTurf as a teenager?

Yeah, come on, darling. At school, the big thing

schools, it was a big thing obviously when we were teenagers, they were creating AstroTurf everywhere.

No, we had real grass.

Weird real grass,

And I didn't play any ball sports, so why else would it be on the browser anyway? This

we managed to pitch the council, all this sort of stuff. And so we then ended up partnering with Wiccan Wanderers to be their sort of

is boring, just carry on.

Anyway, but, it has those little rubbery bits. And it also had sand in, so it was like fake grass, with like rubbery bits, so it would move like soil under its

the sand

so that the rubber would move. And that used to, like, get in your socks, and if you're wearing shorts, you'd find it in your boxes. Not just, not just the sand, but also the rubber pellets, like tiny rubber pellets. That's like it is wiping her nap. You'll just wipe, and there'll be, like, little clumps of, like, little brown and black balls, whereas it used to just be pure liquid. Now it's like, it's like, it's like grit in her shit.

Also what I found happening now, she isn't technically, but we feed her, she gets like a messy mouth and sometimes I just put a straw on the boob because what she wants afterwards, and I just get that on my boob.

Which is get

Just smeared food on my boob. Yeah. But then sometimes like she had the dried pair and obviously that's quite sticky on her face.

Stick it today

then also like then fluff sticks. She came on, she was just like, like fluffy beard.

Just know what was it called?

Yeah, a little goatee.

they'll go

was like a little pear juice and top fluff goatee. With a little bit of dog hair in it as well for good measure.

to

Oh yeah.

what we haven't talked about Okay, I've dropped my low a bit late in the game. Dead

Ugh, you've heard about our rat problem. You know, we thought finally we'd got on top of it. Then the other day I was like, our house is smelling fucking funky. And I was like, and you were like, you didn't notice it for a little while. I

that there was some sort of

like, is it the food bin?

just willing to move on. I was like,

then it got, Um, but it got worse. And then I was opening up our like, Tupperware cupboard, we've all got.

me while you tell the story? Matadors!

and so I found a couple of those, like, bull What are they called? What are the bull people called? That's what they are. But, obviously, wrong colour.

I was like, ah,

it up and I was like, that cupboard is honky, and there's no food in that cupboard, so it shouldn't be a cupboard that smells.

be

And then other, like, I call them our downstairs cupboards, so there's the cupboards that are on the bottom. Also smell, and I was like, there's nothing in here that would go off. I was like, fuck it, it's a fucking dead rat.

I

Ugh. Gross. But tell them you're a genius way of getting rid of it, which makes me go, bleh! So I need to speak to more viewers, actually. I was looking at ways to get rid of it. So, basically, I then tried to dig out, but this was my issue. So when I first consulted with the, the, the male role model that

With the male role models within our family circle. The advice I got was either to cement holes, or to put poison down. I meant to cement the holes, I never got around to it, because

And

Yep. And or put, and then poison them. So I was meant to

do both.

do both. Now, my main rebuttal to the poison was, But won't

both in

in our house

And

the person just sort of said Oh, no, don't worry about it. It'll run off and die somewhere else. I was like, no, but they live under our house We found the holes that are buried under our house and we just kind of didn't really come up with anything better Well, I tried to buy rat traps, but they're incredibly sensitive and just keep going off

Those that got chewed through one of our rat traps.

But it was a mouse trap so it wasn't big enough. So they're just kind of chewed through to reach the bait

bait. And,

So, I keep putting this poison down, and they love it, they eat so fucking much

So fucking much love. But eventually Yeah, there

There was a lot of them. We knew that they were eventually going to die somewhere, and unfortunately,

I

thought that underneath our, I don't know what the floor is in our kitchen extension,

so

So, they've managed to, uh, Burrow underneath, I don't think it's for, I don't know what it is, and then you've died under the kitchen floor And so we can't reach it

to extract them, and other

So most people are like, oh just try and extract it, and then other people are like, oh just turn the heating up And have a really smelly house for a bit

What's going on holiday? I

whole holiday, and we're not even there. This is atrocious! And then I came up with a more ingenious solution, which is Pour maggots down

really not, I'm really just not. The one thing that makes me just, my skin go UGHH is maggots, anything sort of maggoty grubby, it just makes me feel like UGHH, So

go to a bait shop,

where all the maggots are

pour the maggots down the hole because I can't reach there. But maggots are really good at smelling out like rotting flesh and then all just nest in there and turn to fly. Then people are like, oh well then you're gonna have a fly problem. No, I can seal the cupboards and I can put loads of fly traps in there or I can just try and cover the hole. And so what happens. The maggots will eat all the dead rat, they'll turn into flies, they'll fly up into the cowboy, and then they'll stick to those and like, fuck it, I'll put a zapper in there, and I can just keep, bzz bzz bzz, and then all

I

die,

5 5, and

and then that solves the problem.

I don't know, I'm very curious. I don't

I'm very dubious to this, I hope they're an actual breed, I don't want to bring in GM maggots into my house. Who knows what that'll

GM maggots. I don't know how to do GM maggots. I don't know how to do GM maggots. I'm sure you

Sure, you'd prefer flies to maggots, though. My solution, they end up turning into flies. His solution, you will always potentially have maggots underneath your house. Yeah,

I don't like either solution, darling.

they're genetically modified, so they might

How do you know? You don't know that you're receiving

year old maggots. They just live there. They crawl under your kitchen.

Like cockroaches.

It'll be a bit like that woman. The woman who ate a fly.

Oh god, or they end up growing to the size of a dog. We have like massive maggots under our house. A

woman who ate a fly, and then she ate a bird to eat the

proud of. Just how it goes. How

How does it go? Go on, then. Go on,

then. Go

Go on, then.

There wasn't a woman who swallowed a fly. I don't know why she swallowed a fly. Perhaps she'll die.

Perhaps she'll die.

And

basically to kill the

She swallowed the spider to eat the fly. Brickle and tickle and tickle and slide her. I don't know why she swallowed the fly. Perhaps she'll die. And then it carries on and on until she eats like a fucking cow. Cow with a lonely

Because cows are known for being predators. Okay,

and then he came across this like Family of vampires, but they didn't eat people anymore. They used to like live off cow blood So they didn't eat people but then the cows became vampire cows and you see these like cows floating through the air of like Vampire teeth and glowing red eyes I think it was called little, yeah,

a dream you had.

no, it's not it's a film Back me up people comment what it's called. He was an American guy who came to England There's a little American kid who got moved to England, I think. And they came across, like, this old vampire family. And they were like, they were good guys, but they were vampires, they didn't eat people.

Vampires are always in the Midwest. Everyone knows this. The US has a real vampire from the Midwest. Trump supporters and vampires. That's all who live there.

think they went to Cornwall. I don't know, but I

be fair, yeah, Cornwall. I love Cornwall, I'm from Cornwall, but it's pretty fucking remote. That's probably why there's no trains or anything there, because the vampires have been lobbying for it. You wanna get here within five hours? No.

I feel like it's a lot

That's true.

sunlight.

they're probably on the Isle of Skye or something. They're up in,

it's dark for half a year.

they probably live in Shetland.

cups. But can you imagine

Fluffy cows are hard as a bite.

a vampire highland coup? Okay. No,

what else did I want to talk about? I think that was it. Okay. Did we have anything? There was something that was on my mind, but never mind. Yeah, so, I think that might

Alright. So, stay tuned for more ramblings next week. Adios Hi, my lovelies. Thank you for listening. Can you please like review and subscribe to our podcast?